/I  E>  RAR.Y 

OF  THE 
UNIVERSITY 
OF    ILLINOIS 


HISTORICAL 


THE 


— OR— 


Insane  Asylums  Unveiled: 


AS  DEMONSTRATED  BY  THE 


Report  of  the  Investigating  Committee  of  the 
legislature  of  Illinois, 


TOGETHER  WITH 


BY 


MRS.  E.  P.  W.  PACKARD. 


"Ye  shall  know  the  truth." 


CHICAGO: 

PUBLISHED    BY    THE    AUTHOR. 

A.  B.  CASK,  Printer'  139  Monroe  St 

1868. 


op. 3 


Intend  according  to  act  of  Congress  A.  D.,  1868,  by 

MRS.  E.  P.  W.  PACKAEB, 
ID  the  Clerkl  offioe  of  the  Dist  Court  for  the  Northern  Hist,  of  Illinois. 


Preface. 

The  legalized  usurpation  of  human  rights  is  the  great  evil 
underlying  our  social  fabric.  From  this  corrupt  center  spring 
the  evils  of  our  social  system.  This  corruption  has  culmin- 
ated in  the  Insane  Asylums  of  the  nineteenth  century.  Let 
the  Government  but  remove  this  cause  of  insanity,  and  the 

*£    need  of  such  Institutions  would  be  greatly  lessened. 
o- 

So   long  as  the    enlightened   mothers  of  the   present  day 

are  obliged  to  assert  and  defend  their  own  identity,  sim- 
Q  ply  because  the  Government  fails  to  doit,  so  long  will  their 
'•*7  offspring  bear  the  seeds  of  unbalanced  organization,  which 

.    only  waits  for"  circumstances  to  develop  into  insanity. 
-jjj 

It  is  one  object  of  the  writer  in  giving  her  narrative  to  the 

world,  to   fasten  the  public  eye  upon    this  evil,  as  the  great 
germinating  cause  of  the  insanity  of  the  present  age. 

fj       The  great  evil  of  our  present  Insane  Asylum  System  lies 
'•     in  the  fact,  that  insanity  is  there  treated  as  a  crime,  instead 

^  of  a    misfortune,  which  is   indeed  a    gross   act  of  injustice. 
^"Supposing  our  Government  should  establish  a  Charitable  In- 
<  stitutiori  for  the  purpose  of  taking  all  who  have  had  the  mis- ' 
n  fortune  to  lose  their  property,  and  imprison  them,  where  they 

^  could  be  punished  to  any  extent,  without  appeal,  for  this  ca- 

1^'  lamity  which  had  befallen  them.      Supposing  too,th«  Govern- 

212359 


IV  PREFACE. 

ment  forced  this  class  to  accept  the  discipline  of  this  Charit- 
able Institution,  without  their  own  consent,  on  the  verdict  of 
a  jury,  that  they  had  lost  their  property — would  this  guar- 
dianship of  human  rights  be  recognized  as  hnmanitarian  or 
just? 

But  supposing  the  defenders  of  such  Institutions  should 
contend  that  it  is  for  "their  good,"  and  the  good  of  "society" 
to  thus  entomb  them;  "for,  they  are  no  comfort  to  themselves, 
nor  their  families,"  while  saddened  by  the  loss  of  their  for- 
tunes and  business  reputation;  and  besides,  we  do  not  call  this 
Institution  a  Prison,  but  an  Asylum,  "where  they  can  rest, 
and  be  kindly  cared  for." 

But  permit  me  to  reply  that  calling  it  an  Asylum,  when  it 
is  in  reality  a  Prison,  where  they  are  punished  for  their  mis- 
fortune, does  not  materially  help  the  matter.  And  besides, 
whether  legalized  injustice  ever  promoted  the  good  of  the 
individual,  or  society,  is  a  question  yet  to  be  settled. 

To  lose  one's  property  and  become  poor  and  dependent  is 
a  great  misfortune,  and  such  unfortunates  ought  to  receive 
our  commiseration,  and  be  encouraged  and  helped  to  rise  and 
retrieve  their  fortunes,  instead  of  being  cast  out  of  society  as 
public  nuisances,  to  be  publicly  branded  as  men  whose  busi- 
ness capacities  are  henceforth  to  be  regarded  with  suspicion 
and  distrust.  If  it  would  be  unreasonable  to  treat  the  mis- 
fortune of  losing  property  on  this  principle,  how  can  it  be 
reasonable  to  treat  a  greater  misfortune — that  of  losing  one's 
reason — on  this  same  principle  ? 

In  disclosing  to  the  blinded  public  the  real  character  of 
their  Insane  Asylums,  the  author  has  relied  mainly  upon  her 
own  personal  observation,  and  three  years  experience,  as  data 


PKEFAOE.  V 

from  which  to  draw  her  own  conclusions  ;  and  if  from  this 
data  her  conclusions  are  not  legitimate,  she  asks  the  reader 
to  be  the  judge. 

And  it  is  to  add  weight  to  these  conclusions,  that  she  has 
annexed  to  her  narrative  the  testimony  of  several  other  mar- 
ried women,  who  have  experienced  a  term  of  imprisonment 
in  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum.  Of  these  five  ladies  whose 
statements  she  has  appended,  three  of  them,  viz  :  Mrs.  Olsen, 
Mrs.Minard  and  Mrs.  Shedd,  claim  that  they  have  never  been 
insane. 

Of  that  part  of  Mrs.  Olsen's  thrilling  narrative  relating  to 
myself,  the  writer  would  say  that  she  feels  a  delicacy  in  al- 
lowing herself  to  be  so  lauded  in  her  own  book,  and  that  her 
only  apology  for  so  doing  lies  in  the  fact,  that  her  confidence 
in  Mrs  Olsen's  intelligence,  Christianity  and  her  purity  of 
purpose  was  so  entire,  that  she  consented  to  publish  her  nar- 
rative before  reading  it  herself. 

It  may  be  a  satisfaction  to  the  readers  of  this  volume  to 
know,  that  the  facts  herein  stated  have  been  authenticated 
and  corroborated  by  the  Illinois  Investigating  Committee,  ap- 
pointed by  the  Legislature  of  1867  to  investigate  and  report 
the  result  to  the  Governor  ;  which  they  did  on  the  second  of 
December,  following.  In  this  Report,  the  writer,  Mrs.  Olsen, 
Mrs.Minard,  Mrs.  Shedd,  and  five  others,  were  acknowledged 
as  competent  witnesses  in  the  following  language,  viz  : 

"In  point  of  intelligence,  character  and  credibility,  they 
are  as  worthy  of  belief  as  other  witnesses  on  whose  testimo- 
ny in  courts,  the  property,  character,  liberty  and  lives  of  suit- 
ors daily  depend. 

"The  committee  have  entire  confidence  in  the  belief,  that 


VI  PREFACE. 

all  these  witnesses  had  a  clear  understanding,  and  compre- 
hended, when  examined,  the  obligations  of  the  oath  adminis- 
tered" to  them;  and  in  an  unusually  intelligent  manner  testi- 
fied to  matters  within  their  recollection,  and  were  prudent  and 
entirely  honest,  and  testified  to  facts  as  they  believed  them 
to  exist.  "With  one  or  two,  unimportant  exceptions,  neither 
of  them  exhibited  any  appearance  of  a  disordered  intellect, 
moral  obliquity,  or  defective  memory  ;  and,  therefore,  to  re- 
ject their  testimony,  appeared  to  the  Committee  as  calculated 
to  defeat  an  investigation  after  the  truth,  and  possibily  sub- 
vert the  ends  of  public  justice." 

MBS.  E.  P.  W.  PACKARDI 
Chicago,  May,  1868. 


CONTENTS. 

Introduction 11 

CHAPTER  I. 
Inspiring  Sentiments 13 

CHAPTER  H. 

Result  of  expressing  my  Obnoxious  views,  viz  :  Free  Discussion  of 
Religious  Belief— -Rights  of  Private  Judgment  — "  Total 
Depravity" — The  Unlimited  Atonement — God's  Immutabil- 
ity— "What  is  it  to  be  a  Christian — Freedom  of  Conscience 

— Spiritual  Gifts — Questions  for  the  Class 14 

CHAPTER  III. 
My  Abduction. 34 

CHAPTER  IV. 
My  Abduction — continued 44 

CHAPTER  V. 

My  Journey 61 

CHAPTER  VI. 
My  Reception 69 

CHAPTER  VII. 
My  First  Day  of  Prison  Life 61 

CHAPTER  VHI. 
The  Parting  Scene 69 

CHAPTER  IX. 

Disappointed  Hopes 73 

CHAPTER  X. 
The  Sunny  Side  of  my  Prison  Life  ...     11 

CHAPTER  XI. 
My  Transition 85 

CHAPTER  XII. 
Removal  from  the  Best  Ward  to  the  "Worst 88 

CHAPTER  XIII. 
My  Occupation 93 

CHAPTER  XIV. 
How  I  Obtained  my  Papers 99 

CHAPTER  XV. 
Evidences  of  My  Insanity 102 

CHAPTER  XVI. 
The  Attendant  who  Abused  me 107 

CHAPTER  XVII. 
"  Let  Dr.  McFarland  Bear  his  own  Sins" 110 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 
Attempted  Reconciliation  with  Mr.  Packard Ill 

(7) 


vm  /    CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

Letter  to  My  Children  sent  to  the  Wash  tub 116 

CHAPTER  XX. 

How  I  Obtained  my  first  Writing  Paper 119 

CHAPTER  XXI. 

An  Honorable  Act  in  Dr.  McFarland 121 

CHAPTER  XXII. 

Married  Women  Unprotected 124 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 

My  Life  Imperiled 1 127 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

Hope  of  Dr.  McFarland's  Repentance 132 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

"  You  should  Return  to  your  Husband" 133 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

Uncared  for 136 

CHAPTER  XXVU. 

Self-defense — Clandestine  Letters 139 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

Miss  Mary  Tomlin — A  Model  Attendant 147 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 

Mrs.  McFarland— The.  Matron 150 

CHAPTER  XXX. 

Guilty  Husbands 154 

CHAPTER   XTXT 

The  Sane  kept  for  the  Doctor's  Benefit 151 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 

An  Unpleasant  Response 162 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

Is  Man  the  Lord  of  Creation 163 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

Petition  to  the  Trustees  Presented  September  1861 165 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 

The  Rights  of  the  Tax  Payers 169 

CHAPTER  XXXVI. 

The  Imputation  of  Insanity  a  Barrier  to  Human  Progress 170 

CHAPTER  XXXVH. 

Mr.  James  Lyon's  Advice 174 

CHAPTER  XXXVIII. 

Record  of  a.  Day 175 

CHAPTER  XXXIX. 

How  I  Bought  and  Retained  some  Paper 179 

CHAPTER   XL. 

The  Aristocracy  of  Jacksonville  Rebuked — Another  Honorable  Act.  183 
CHAPTER  XLI. 

"  Love  Tour  Enemies" 187 

CHAPTER  XLII. 
How  Mr.  Packard  gave  me  Paper  and  how  I  lost  it 189 


CONTENTS.  .         ix 

CHAPTER  XLIII. 
Dialogues  with  Dr.  McFarland  on  the  Woman  Question 191 

CH  AFTER  XLIV. 
My  Family  Relatives 194 

CHAPTER  XLV. 
Old  Mrs.  Timmons  Deserted  by  her  Children 199 

CHAPTER  XLVI. 
Mrs.  Cheneworth's  Suicide — Medical  Abuse 202 

CHAPTER  XLVH. 

Changes  and  how  Brought  About 21] 

CHAPTER  XLVIII. 
My  Battle  with  Despotism — No   Surrender 215 

CHAPTER  XLIX. 

Good  comes  of  Seeming  Evil 219 

CHAPTER  L. 

Reading  Books  and  Papers 221 

CHAPTER  LI. 

Abusing  Mrs.   Stanley 225 

CHAPTER  LII. 

Subduing  a  New  Prisoner . . .  » 228 

CHAPTER  Lin. 
Treatment  of  the  Sick 232 

CHAPTER  LIY. 

Mrs.  Leonard's  Visit  to   her  Mother 234 

CHAPTER  LV. 

Mrs.  Emeline  Bridgman — or  Nature's   Laws  Broken 238 

CHAPTER  LVI. 
The  Guilt  of  Folly 245 

CHAPTER  LVII. 
Mrs.  "Watts  Driven  from  off  her   Sick  Bed 249 

CHAPTER  LVIII. 

Dangerous  to  be  a  Married  Woman   in  Illinois 250 

CHAPTER  LIX. 
Interview  with  Mr.  Wells  of  Chicago — A  Victim  of  Homesickness.  253 

CHAPTER  LX. 
An  Asylum  Sabbath 257 

CHAPTER  LXI. 
Letters  to  Dr.  McFarland 258 

CHAPTER  LXII. 
My  Attempt  to  get  an  Attendant  Discharged 261 

CHAPTER  LXIII. 
A  New  Attendant  Installed — Something  New 265 

CHAPTER  LXIV. 
My  Protest  Deprives  me  of  no   Privileges 267 

CHAPTER  LXV. 

Dr.  McFarland  a  Respecter  of  Persons 269 

CHAPTER  LXVI. 
Kidnapping  the  Soul 271 

Al 


x  CONTENTS; 

CHAPTER  LXVII. 

Orthodox  Heaven  and  Hell 214 

CHAPTER  LXVIII. 

A  Scene  in  the  Fifth  "Ward — A  Good  Omen 216 

CHAPTER  LXIX. 

Every  Moral  Act  Influences  the  Moral  Universe 280 

CHAPTER  LXX. 

The  Death  Penalty  to  be   Annihilated 281 

CHAPTER  LXXI. 

I  was  Punished  for  Telling  the  Truth 284 

CHAPTER  LXXII. 

"Wrong  Actions  arc  Suicidal 289 

CHAPTER  LXXHI. 

Mrs.Sybil  Dole — A  Fallen  Woman 289 

CHATER  LXXIY. 

Can  a  Blind  Person  See 292 

CHAPTER   LXXV. 

Human  Instincts  above  Human  Enactments 294 

CHAPTER  LXXVI. 

The  Prisoner  who  called  Himself  "  Jesus  Christ" 296 

CHAPTER  LXXVH. 

Letter  to  Judge  "Whitlock  of  Jacksonville 300 

CHAPTER  LXXVIIL 

Difference  between  Contentment  and   Patience 303 

CHAPTER  LXXIX. 

My  Successful  Attempt  to  Obtain  my  Freedom 305 

CHAPTER  LXXX. 

The  Dawning  of  a  New  Dispensation 312 

CHAPTER  LXXXI. 

The  Moral  Barometer  Indicates  a  Storm — A  Hurricane 316 

CHAPTER  LXXXII. 

The  Clouds  Disperse 323 

CHAPTER  LXXXIII. 

My  Oldest  Son  Obtains  my   Discharge 327 

CHAPTER  LXXXIV. 

The  Trustees  Force  me  into  the  Hands  of  Mr.   Packard 329 

CHAPTER   LXXXV. 

Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum  a  Type  of  other  Insane  Asylums 338 

CHAPTER  LXXXVI. 
A  Note  of  Thanks  to  the  Railroad  Companies  and  the  Press  of  111..  339 

CHAPTER   LXXXVII. 
An  Appeal  to  the  People  of  Illinois  for  a  Redress  of  my  "Wrongs. .  340 


PART  I. 


INTRODUCTION. 

"A  wounded  spirit  who  can  bear."  Spirit  wrongs  are  the 
keenest  wounds  that  can  be  inflicted  upon  woman.  Her  na- 
ture is  so  sensitively  organized  that  an  injury  to  her  feelings 
is  felt  more  keenly  than  an  injury  to  her  person. 

The  fortitude  of  her  nature  enables  her  to  endure  physical 
suffering  heroically  ;  but  the  wound  which  her  spirit  feels 
under  a  wanton  physical  abuse  is  far  more  deeply  felt,  and  is 
harder  to  be  borne  than  the  physical  abuse  itself. 

Her  very  benevolent,  confiding,  forgiving  nature,  renders 
it  a  greater  crime  to  abuse  her  spirit,  than  to  abuse  her  person. 
To  most  men,  and  some  women,  this  position  may  appear  ab- 
surd, yet  it  is  true ;  neither  do  we  feel  disposed  to  blame  this 
class  for  not  appreciating  it,  for  their  coarser  organization 
incapacitates  them  to  understand  us. 

When  woman  is  brought  before  our  man  courts,  and  our 
man  juries,  and  has  no  bruises,  or  wounds,  or  marks  of  violence 
upon  her  person  to  show  as  a  ground  of  her  complaint,  it  is 
hard  for  them  to  realize  that  she  has  any  cause  for  appeal  to 
them  for  protection  ;  while  at  the  same  time  her  whole  phys- 
ical system  may  be  writhing  in  agony  from  spirit  wrongs,  such 
as  can  only  be  understood  by  her  peers. 

Spiritual,  sensitive  woman,  knowing  this  fact,  suffers  on  in 
silent  anguish  without  appeal,  until  death  kindly  liberates  her 
from  her  prison-house  of  unappreciated  suffering. 


Xll  INTRODUCTION. 

It  is  to  delineate  these  spiritual  wrongs  of  woman,  that  I 
have  given  my  narrative  to  the  public,  hoping  that  my  more 
tangible  experiences  may  draw  the  attention  of  the  philan- 
thropic public  to  a  more  just  consideration  of  married  woman's 
legal  disabilities ;  for  since  the  emancipation  of  the  negro, 
there  is  no  class  of  American  citizens,  who  so  much  need  legal 
protection,  and  who  receive  so  little,  as  this  class. 

As  their  representative,  I  do  not  make  complaint  of  phys- 
ical abuses,  but  it  is  the  usurpation  of  our  natural  rights  of 
which  we  complain ;  and  it  is  our  legal  position  of  nonentity, 
which  renders  us  so  liable  and  exposed  to  suffering  and  perse- 
cution from  this  source. 

In  the  following  narrative  of  my  experiences,  the  reader 
will  therefore  find  the  interior  of  woman's  life  delineated 
through  the  exterior  surroundings  of  her  bitter  experiences. 
I  state  facts  through  which  the  reader  may  look  in  to  woman's 
soul,  as  through  a  mirror,  that  her  realm  of  suffering  may  be 
thus  portrayed. 

I  therefore  commence  my  narrative  where  my  persecution 
commenced,  with  the  marital  usurpation  of  my  rights  of  opin- 
ion and  conscience,  and  as  I  progress,  will  note  such  incidents 
as  I  can  best  employ  to  portray  my  feelings,  rather  than  the 
recital  of  the  physical  abuses  I  witnessed;  since  my  Coadjutors 
and  the  Committee  have  so  graphically  described  the  exterior 
life  of  the  prisoner,  it  is  unnecessary  for  me  to  enlarge  on  this 
feature  of  prison  life  in  Insane  Asylums. 

My  Asylum  journal,  delineating  my  inner  life  more  particu- 
larly, is  given,  of  course,  in  the  language  in  which  it  was 
written  at  the  time,  and  will  doubtless,  to  many  appear,  for 
this  reason,  to  be  strong  language.  Allow  me  to  suggest  to 
such  critics,  that  before  you  harshly  and  rashly  censure  the 
writer,  just  place  yourselves  in  her  exact  position,  and  then 
judge  whether  your  real  emotions  could  be  clothed  in  milder 
language.  And  let  us  remember  too,  that  if  we  speak  at  all, 
it  is  the  truth  alone  we  are  bound  to  utter,  regardless  of  the 
censure  or  applause  of  mortals. 


I. 

Inspiring  Sentiments. 

Providence  hinges  mighty  events  on  pivots  exceedingly 
small.  What  men  call  accidents,  are  God's  appointed  inci- 
dents. We  are  traitors  to  any  truth  when  we  suppress  the 
utterance  of  it,  and  allow  the  opposite  error  to  go  unrebuked. 
High  principles  must  be  advanced  as  real  laws.  A  desire  to 
elevate  all  mankind  to  the  nobleness  for  which  they  are  de- 
signed, should  manifest  the  depth  and  purity  of  our  moral 
convictions.  We  should  meet  evil  with  mildness,  yet,  with 
unfaltering  firmness.  We  shoxild  aim  to  bring  out  a  noble 
spirit  into  daily  intercourse,  believing  that  a  holy  life  is  a 
more  precious  offering  to  truth,  than  retired  speculations  and 
writing  ;  for,  he  who  leaves  a  holy  life  behind  him,  bequeaths 
to  the  world  a  richer  legacy  than  any  book.  The  want  of 
moral  courage  to  carry  out  great  principles,  and  to  act  upon 
them  at  all  risks,  is  fatal  to  originality,  because  the  faculties 
slumber  within,  being  weighed  down  by  the  chains  of  custom. 
This  habit  of  reliance  on  principle,  should  give  us  a  buoyant 
consciousness  of  superiority  to  every  outward  influence.  A 
far  higher  anticipation  of  great  results  from  worthy  deeds, 
should  make  us  strenuous  in  action,  and  fill  us  with  a  cheer- 
ful trust.  We  must  be  palsied  by  no  fear  to  offend,  no  desire 
to  please,  no  dependence  upon  the  judgment  of  others.  The 
consciousness  of  self  subsistence,  of  disinterested  conformity 
to  high  principles,  will  command  an  open  freedom  to  our 
utterances,  and  will  summon  into  our  service  a  spiritual  force 
that  will  resist  and  overcome  all  obstacles. 

(13) 


14  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Under  the  inspiration  of  such  sentiments  have  I  penned 
the  following  narrative  of  my  experiences,  beneath  a  dark  cloud 
of  adverse  events,  whose  silver  lining  is  yet  to  be  discovered 
to  my  physical  vision.  As  the  dyer  uses  mordants  to  set 
his  colors,  so  my  Heavenly  Father  has  employed  the  mordant 
of  adversity  to  individualize  my  sentiments  of  morality  and 
virtuous  action.  And,  by  my  experiences,  it  would  seem, 
that  my  Father  intended  to  so  capacitate  me,  that  I  should 
be  daunted  and  discouraged  by  nothing,  that  true  loyalty 
might  be  burned  into  my  heart.  This  loyalty  demands  that 
individual  reason  and  conscience  be  the  guide  of  human 
actions.  It  allows  no  oligarchy  of  creeds,  sects,  or  customs 
to  be  a  standard,  which  ignores  the  individual  as  the  sove- 
reign over  himself.  The  God  within,  is  the  monarch  of  this 
realm  of  human  freedom. 


IL 
Result  of  Expressing  my  Obnoxious  Tiews. 

I  have  been  Illinois  State's  Prisoner  three  years  in  Jack- 
sonville Insane  Asylum,  for  simply  expressing  religious  opin- 
ions in  a  community  who  were  unprepared  to  appreciate  and 
understand  them.  I  was  incarcerated  June  18,  1860,  and 
liberated  June  18,  1863.  Fortunately  for  me,  all  these  ob- 
noxious views  were  presented  in  writing,  and  are  now  in  my 
own  possession,  although  they  were,  secretly  taken  from  me, 
at  the  time  of  my  abduction,  and  retained  for  years  in  the 
hands  of  my  persecutor,  Rev.  Theophilus  Packard,  who  was 
at  that  time  the  r.astor  of  the  Old  School  Presbyterian  Church 
at  Manteno,  Kankakee  County,  Illinois. 

He  had  been  my  husband  for  twenty-one  years,  and  was 
the  father  of  my  six  children,  five  of  whom  are  boys,  and  one 
girl.  At  the  time  he  forced  me  from  my  dear  little  ones,  mv 
daughter  was  ten  years  old  and  my  babe  eighteen  months .  I  was 
in  perfect  health  and  of  sound  mind,  and  cheerfully  and  faith- 


OBNOXIOUS  VIEWS.  15 

fully  performing  the  duties  of  wife  and  mother  to  the  entire 
satisfaction  of  my  family  and  society,  so  far  as  I  know.  And, 
since  the  only  plea  Mr.  Packard  makes  in  defence  of  this 
course  is,  that  my  religious  views  were  dangerous  to  the 
spiritual  interests  of  his  children  and  the  community,  I  feel 
called  upon  to  present  these  views,  frankly  and  candidly,  that 
my  readers  may  judge  for  themselves  whether  my  imprison- 
ment can  be  justified  on  this  basis. 

As  an  Introduction  therefore  to  my  "Hidden  Life"  in  my 
prison,  I  shall  present  these  views  just  as  I  presented  them 
to  the  bible  elass  in  Manteno,  a  few  weeks  before  my  incar- 
ceration. I  became  connected  with  this  class  at  the  special  re- 
quest of  Deacon  Abijah  Dole,  the  teacher  of  the  class,  and 
with  the  full  and  free  consent  of  my  husband.  Mr.  Dole  gave 
as  his  reason  for  wishing  me  to  join  his  class,  that  he  found 
it  impossible  to  awaken  any  interest,  and  he  fondly  hoped 
that  I  might  bring  forward  some  views  which  might  elicit  the 
attention  he  desired. 

I  seated  myself  among  his  pupils,  who  then  numbered  only 
six  men  in  all,  as  a  sincere  seeker  after  the  truth.  Mr.  Dole 
allowed  his  pupils  to  be  regarded  as  mutual  teachers,  so  that 
all  were  allowed  to  ask  questions  and  offer  suggestions. 
Availing  myself  of  this  license,  others  were  encouraged  to 
follow  my  example,  so  that  our  class  soon  became  the  place 
of  animating  discussions,  and  as  our  tolerant  teacher  allowed 
both  sides  of  a  question  to  be  discussed  I  found  it  became  to 
me  a  great  source  of  pleasure  and  profit.  Indeed,  I  never 
can  recollect  a  time  when  my  mind  grew  into  a  knowledge 
of  religious  truths  faster,  than  under  the  influence  of  these 
free  and  animated  discussions.  The  effect  of  these  de- 
bates was  felt  throughout  the  whole  community,  so  that  our 
class  of  seven  soon  increased  to  forty-six,  including  the  most 
influential  members  of  the  community. 

About  this  time  a  latent  suspicion  seemed  to  be  aroused, 
lest  the  church  creed  be  endangered  by  this  license  of  free 
inquiry  and  fair  discussion ;  and  a  meeting  of  some  of  the 
leading  church-members  was  called,  wherein  this  bible-class 


16  THE  PRISONEE'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

was  represented  as  being  a  dangerous  influence,  involving 
the  exposure  of  the  creed  to  the  charge  of  fallibility. 
To  prevent  this,  it  was  agreed  that  the  tolerant  Deacon  Dole 
must  be  exchanged  for  the  intolerant  Deacon  Smith,  in  order 
that  free  discussion  might  be  effectually  put  down.  And  this 
Deacon  Smith  suggested,  that  the  way  to  put  down  free -dis- 
cussion was,  to  put  down  Mrs.  Packard.  This  he  engaged 
to  do,  in  case  they  would  install  him  as  teacher.  This  being 
done,  the  battle  commenced,  and  I  found  our  license  had  ex- 
pired with  our  kind  teacher's  resignation.  Ignorant  as  I  was  of 
this  conspiracy  against  the  right  of  private  opinions,!  continued 
to  use  this  God  given  right,  as  my  judgment  and  conscience  dic- 
tated, until  I  found,  by  open  opposition,  that  it  was  the  ex- 
press object  of  the  change,  to  abolish  all  expression  of  any 
views  which  did  not  harmonize  with  the  Presbyterian  Church 
creed.  I  knew  and  felt  that  it  was  their  determination  to 
fetter  me,  and  bring  me  into  unquestioning  acknowledgment 
of  their  doctrines,  as  the  sum  total  of  all  important  truths. 
Of  course  I  could  not  do  this,  and  be  honest  to  myself;  but 
from  this  point,  I  had  the  precaution  to  put  into  a  written 
form,  every  idea  I  uttered  in  conflict  with  what  Deacon 
Smith  thought  orthodox  views,  so  as  to  avoid  being  misrep- 
resented, and  I  almost  uniformly  read  these  papers  to  Mr. 
Packard,  before  presenting  them  to  the  class,  and  secured 
from  him  his  consent  to  my  reading  them. 

This  digested  form  of  presenting  my  ideas,  tended  to  in- 
crease rather  than  diminish  the  interest  in  favor  of  my  new 
views,  so  that  finally  after  Mr.  Packard  had  given  his  con- 
sent for  my  reading  my  articles,  Mr.  Smith  would  refuse  to 
have  them  read.  Up  to  this  point,  Mr.  Packard  acted  the 
man,  and  the  Christian,  in  his  treatment  of  me.  But  now 
came  the  fatal  crisis  when  evil  influences  overcame  him ! 

One  afternoon  Deacon  Smith  visited  him  in  his  study,  and 
held  a  secret  interview  with  him  of  two  hours  length,  when 
he  left  him  a  different  man.  That  evening  just  before  retir- 
ing to  rest,  he  remarked  in  a  very  pleasant  tone, 

"Wife,  I  want  to  talk  with  you  a  little  while,  come  here  !" 


OBNOXIOUS  VIEWS.  17 

I  went  into  his  extended  arms,  and  sat  upon  his  lap,  and 
encircled  his  neck  with  my  arm,  when  he  remarked  in  a 
very  mild  tone  of  voice. 

"Now  wife,  hadn't  you  better  give  up  these  bible  class 
discussions?  Deacon  Smith  thinks  you  had  better,  and  so  do 
some  others,  and  I  think  you  had  better  too." 

"  Husband,  I  should  be  very  glad  to  get  rid  of  the  responsi- 
bility if  I  can  do  so  honorably,  but  I  do  not  like  to  yield  a 
natural  right  to  the  dictation  of  bigotry  and  intolerance,  as 
Deacon  Smith  demands,  but  I  am  willing  to  say  to  the  class 
that  as  Deacon  Smith,  and  Mr.  Packard,  and  others,  have  ex- 
pressed a  wish  that  I  withdraw  my  discussions  from  the  class, 
I  do  so,  at  their  request,  not  from  any  desire  to  shrink  from 
investigation  on  my  part,  but  for  the  sake  of  peace,  as  they 
view  it." 

"  No,  wife,  that  won't  do;  you  must  resign  yourself." 

"Won't  that  be  resigning,  and  that  too  on  a  truthful 
basis?" 

"No,  you  must  tell  them  it  is  your  choice  to  give  them 
up." 

"  But,  dear,  it  is  not  my  choice  I" 

"But  you  can  make  it  so,  under  the  circumstances." 

"  Yes,  lean  make  it  so,  by  stating  the  truth;  but  I  can't 
by  telling  a  lie." 

"Well,  you  must  do  it!" 

"0  husband  !  how  can  you  yield  to  such  an  evil  influence  ? 
Only  think  !  Here  you  have  pledged  before  God  and  man 
that  you  will  be  my  protector,  until  death  part  us,  and  now 
you  are  tempted  to  become  my  persecutor !  Do  be  a  man, 
and  go  to  the  class,  in  defiance  of  Deacon  Smith,  and  say  to 
the  class,  'my  wife  has  just  as  good  a  right  to  her  opinions 
as  you  have  to  yours,  and  I  shall  protect  her  in  that  right. 
You  need  not  believe  her  opinions  unless  you  choose;  but  she 
has  a  right  to  defend  her  honest  opinions  as  well  as  your- 
selves. I  shall  not  suffer  her  to  be  molested  in  this  right.' 
Then  you  will  be  a  man — a  protector  of  your  wife — and  you 
will  deserve  honor,  and  you  will  have  it.  But  if  you  become 


18  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

my  persecutor  and  go  against  me,  asDeacon  Smith  desires, 
you  will  deserve  dishonor,  and  you  will  surely  get  it. 
Don't  fall  into  this  fatal  snare,  which  the  evil  one  has  surely 
laid  for  you." 

He  construed  my  earnestness  into  anger,  and  thrust  me 
from  him,  determining  to  risk  this  result  at  all  hazards. 
From  that  fatal  time,  all  good  influences  seemed  to  have  for- 
saken him,  and  he  left  to  pursue  his  downward  way,  with  no 
power  to  resist  evil  or  flee  from  the  tempter.  Reason, 
conscience,  judgment,  prudence,  consistency  and  affection,  all, 
all  directly  sunk  into  the  fatal  sletep  of  stupidity  or  death. 
From  that  point,  I  have  never  had  a  protector  in  my  hus- 
band. He  has  only  been  my  persecutor !  In  a  few  weeks 
from  that  time,  he  forcibly  entombed  me  within  the  massive 
walls  of  Jacksonville  Asylum  prison,  to  rise  no  more, 
if  he  could  prevent  it.  He  told  me  he  did  this,  to  give  the 
impression  that  I  was  insane,  so  that  my  opinions  need  not 
be  believed,  for,  said  he,  "I  must  protect  the  cause  of 
Christ!" 

The  following  is  a  copy  of  some  of  the  articles  I  prepared 
for  the  class,  wherein  my  most  radical  opinions  are  delineated, 
which  led  to  this  unnatural  imprisonment. 

Free  Discussion  of  Religious  Belief. 

i 

Free  discussion  implies  that  both  sides  of  a  subject  can  be 
investigated,  and  allows  full  liberty  to  each  individual  to  ex- 
press his  honestly  cherished  opinions,  and  also  give  his  rea- 
sons in  support  of  them.  My  classmates,  we  have  nothing 
to  fear  in  applying  the  scales  of  free  discussion  to  our  reli- 
gious belief,  for  truth  will  sustain  itself ;  the  scales  of  free - 
discussion,  intelligently  used,  always  preponderate  on  the 
side  of  the  truth,  that  is,  the  weightiest  reasons  always 
bear  upon  that  side,  and  indicate  a  balance  in  its  favor.  For 
instance,  should  we  wish  to  test  the  existence  of  a  God  in 
the  scales  of  free  discussion,  what  have  we  to  fear  in  the  use 
of  the  scales  on  this  point?  If  we  are  not  prepared  to  sup- 


FEEB  DISCUSSION".  19 

port  his  existence  by  such  arguments  as  will  make  the  scales 
preponderate  right,  is  it  not  best  for  us  to  bestow  study  upon 
that  point  sufficient  to  defend  it  with  intelligent  reason, 
since  this  is  confidently  assumed  to  be  a  truth  in  our  creed? 
Then  we  shall  be  prepared  to  defend,  as  well  as  assert  our 
belief.  It  is  not  respectful  for  us  to  say  to  our  opponents  on 
this  or  any  other  point,  "I  know  your  side  is  the  wrong  one, 
and  you  ought  to  take  our  positive  assertion  as  authority 
sufficient  to  condemn  you  as  a  heretic,  simply  because  you 
believe  contrary  to  my  honestly  cherished  opinions."  No, 
my  classmates,  the  religion  of  authority  has  had  its  day — a 
reasonable  religion,  such  as  will  bear  the  infallible  tests  of 
truth,  based  on  arguments  drawn  from  God's  word  and  works 
is  the  religion  for  us.  Truth  should  be  endorsed  by  us 
through  our  reasoning  faculties  alone,  and  therefore  should 
not  conflict  with  our  common  sense  and  enlightened  reason. 
And  it  is  my  opinion  that  the  religion  God  sent  to  man,  is  so 
peculiarly  adapted  to  man's  nature,  as  not  to  conflict  with 
the  common-sense  views  of  the  common  mass  of  minds.  And 
ere  the  bright  millennial  day  dawns  upon  us,  I  believe  that 
theologically  sectarian  views,  will  give  place  to  the  common- 
sense  views  of  mankind,  and  that  this  is  to  be  the  way  there 
is  to  be  "  but  one  God,  one  faith,  one  baptism." 

Now,  what  can  be  the  harm,  dear  classmates,  in  our  trying 
to  hasten  this  day,  by  bringing  our  educated  belief  to  this 
test,  by  kindly  using  the  scales  of  free  discussion.  For  my- 
self, I  feel  willing  to  have  all  my  opinions  tested  by  these 
scales,  and  I  am  willing  to  yield  any  point  of  belief  to  a 
weightier  invincible  argument  in  the  opposite  scale — that  is, 
those  views  which  seem  best  supported  by  sound  argument 
and  candid  reasoning  I  willingly  endorse,  although  they  may 
conflict  with  some  of  my  preconceived  ideas,  or  my  educated 
belief,  or  even  with  our  sectarian  creeds.  For  it  is  not  im- 
possible but  that  some  simple  moral  truth  may  have  become 
perverted  by  educational  influences.  And  candor  and  hon- 
esty, it  seems  to  me,  compel  us  to  admit,  that  there  is  a 
mixture  of  truth  and  error  in  the  creeds  of  all  denominations 


20  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

of  Christians,  not  even  excepting  the  creed  of  the  Presby- 
terian church ;  and  what  can  be  the  harm  in  thus  testing 
these  views,  and  thereby  separating  the  precious  from  the 
vile,  rather  than  by  trying  to  defend  our  sectarian  creeds",  by 
arguments  and  reasons  which  are  not  based  in  truth  for  their 
support,  thus  perpetuating  falsehood  or  errors. 

It  is  my  desire,  dear  classmates,  that  this  social  bible  class 
be  employed  as  a  means  to  fit  us  to  become  valiant  defenders 
of  our  faith — that  we  here  capacitate  ourselves  to  defend  all 
points  of  our  belief  by  rational  and  intelligent  reasons,  that 
we  may  be  able  to  meet  the  common  enemy  of  our  holy 
religion  with  arguments  "  such  as  he  can  not  gainsay  or 
resist.1'  The  truth  never  suffers  by  agitation  and  free  dis- 
cussion. It  is  error  alone  that  fears  the  light  and  shrinks 
before  the  scales.  Let  us  dare  to  judge  for  ourselves  what 
is  right,  and  let  us  know  what  right  and  truth  are,  by  bring- 
ing our  religious  belief  to  this  test  of  reason  and  common 
sense.  Let  us  throw  off  the  blinding  influence  of  prejudice 
and  sectarian  zeal,  and  come  up  upon  the  nobler,  higher  plat- 
form of  being  simple,  sincere,  charitable,  honest  seekers  after 
the  real,  simple,  naked  truth. 

Having  obtained  permission  from  our  teacher,  Deacon 
Smith,  to  read  the  above  article  before  the  class,  I  com- 
menced reading;  but  finding  it  to  be  a  defence  of  what  he 
had  determined  to  stop— free  discussion — he  interrupted  me, 
by  forbidding  my  reading  any  farther.  Of  course  I  quietly 
submitted  to  this  mandate  with  unanswering  obedience. 

Bights  of  Private  Judgment. 

I  profess  to  be  no  theologian,  or  to  have  adopted  the  creed 
of  any  sect  or  denomination  of  Christians  as  infallible.  But 
I  do  profess  to  take  the  works  and  word  of  God,  or  facts  and 
revelation  as  our  only  infallible  guide  in  our  search  for  truth, 
and  a  "thus  saith  the  Lord,"  as  a  settling  of  all  controversy. 
But  since  I  know  it  to  be  a  fact  that  equally  sincere  and 
honest  Christians  put  a  very  different  construction  upon  the 
same  event  of  Providence,  and  the  same  text  of  scripture, 


PKIVATE  JUDGMENT.  21 

I  feel  that  we  are  compelled  to  assume  the  responsibility  of 
private  judgment.  And  in  so  doing,  I  believe  we  are  obey- 
ing Christ's  directions  in  the  57th  verse  of  the  12th  chapter 
of  Luke,  viz  :  "And  why,  even  of  yourselves,  judge  ye  not 
what  is  right  ?" 

I  regard  this  bible  class  as  having  reached  that  stage  of 
development  where  God  holds  us  individually  responsible  for 
our  belief.  I  therefore  esteem  it  a  great  privilege  to  be  in  a 
bible  class  where  our  opinions  are  called  for,  rather  than  the 
opinions  of  commentators.  Not  that  I  wish  to  disregard  the 
opinions  of  commentators,  or  learned  theologians  in  my 
search  for  Bible  truth ;  for  I  do  think  that  their  opinions  are 
entitled  to  great  deference  and  respect.  While  I  at  the 
same  time  believe  that  the  Bible  is  a  book  so  peculiar  in  its 
nature,  that  learning  and  talent  are  not  indispensable  to  a 
correct  interpretation  of  it,  any  more  than  experience  and 
education  are  indispensably  necessary  to  our  judging  correct- 
ly of  the  wants  of  nature.  For  instance,  because  an  adult 
may  choose  strong  drink  to  allay  his  thirst,  and  the  child 
prefer  cold  water,  I  do  not  think  we  are  justified  in  conclud- 
ing that  strong  drink  is  the  best  adapted  to  meet  the  wants 
of  nature,  simply  because  a  mature  man  chooses  it ;  for  this 
adult  may  have  perverted  his  natural  appetite,  so  that  his 
choice  may  not  be  so  much  in  accordance  with  nature  as  the 
instincts  of  the  child.  As  in  our  physical,  so  in  our  moral 
nature,  there  may  be  a  liability  that  a  simple  moral  truth 
may  have  been  perverted  by  educational  influences.  There- 
fore, I  do  not  think  that  because  a  talented  and  learned 
theologian  advances  an  opinion,  that  he  is  certainly  correct ; 
neither  because  an  illiterate  layman  holds  a  different  opinion, 
do  I  think  he  is  certainly  wrong.  But  in  both  cases  we 
should  judge  of  the  opinion  upon  its  own  intrinsic  merits, 
independent  of  the  source  or  medium  through  which  it  comes 
to  us. 

Now,  dear  classmates,  conscious  that  I  am  alone  and  per- 
sonally responsible  to  God  for  my  religious  belief,  I  do  not 
want  to  embrace  an  error.  Therefore  I  will  be  very  thank- 


22  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

ful  to  be  shown  wherein  my  opinions  are  unsound,  or  my 
reasoning  inconclusive.  Just  consider  my  views,  not  as 
those  of  a  theologian,  but  as  one  who  is  searching  for  truth 
on  the  same  common  plane  with  yourselves  ;  and  I  ask  you  to 
give  my  opinions  no  more  credence,  than  you  think  truth 
entitles  them  "to  as  you  view  it.  For  it  is  the  common  sense 
of  common  men  and  common  women  that  I  so  much  covet  as 
my  tribunal  of  judgment,  rather  than  learned  commentators, 
or  popular  theologians,  or  venerable  doctors  of  divinity. 

"Total  Depravity." 

It  is  the  authority  of  creeds,  echoed  by  the  theologians 
and  ministers  of  the  Presbyterian  pulpit,  not  excepting  our 
own  pastor,  that  human  nature  is  necessarily  a  sinful  nature. 

Now  I  ask  the  privilege  of  presenting  to  our  class  this 
question:  "If  human  nature  is  necessarily  a  sinful  nature, 
how  could  Christ  take  upon  himself  human  nature  and  know 
no  sin?"  This  question  was  referred  to  their  pastor  for  an 
answer.  Mr.  Packard  gave  it  as  his  opinion  that  a  "  Holy 
God  might  make  a  holy  human  nature  for  Christ,  and  a  sinful 
nature  for  the  rest  of  the  human  family."  Upon  this,  one  of 
the  class  inquired,  "  Can  a  holy  God  make  sin?" 

These  questions  troubled  both  our  teacher,  Deacon  Smith, 
and  their  pastor.  They  could  not  answer  them  satisfactorily 
to  themselves  or  the  class  ;  and  it  was  to  extricate  them- 
selves from  this  unpleasant  dilemma,  that  they  at  once 
agreed  that  this  question  was  the  result  of  a  diseased  brain, 
from  whence  it  had  emanated,  and  therefore  it  was  unworthy 
of  their  consideration !  Thus  their  reputation  for  intelli- 
gence and  ability  was  placed  beyond  question,  and  the  infal- 
libility of  their  creed  remained  inviolate  !  And  their  poor 
afflicted  Christian  sister  must  be  kindly  cared  for  within  the 
massive  walls  of  a  prison,  lest  her  diseased  brain  communicate 
its  contagion  to  other  brains,  and  then  what  will  become  of 
our  creed  !  for  we  cannot  afford  to  follow  the  example  of  this 
"Man  of  God,"  and  sacrifice  our  wives  and  mothers  to  save 
our  creed  1 


TOTAL  DEPRAVITY.  23 

SPARE  THE   CREED  I 
Though  the  mother's  heart  do  bleed, 
Spare,  0,  spare  our  trembling  creed  I 
Though  her  tender  infants  cry, 
Though  they  pine,  and  droop,  and  die, 
Though  her  daily  care  they  need, 
Spare,  0,  spare  our  trembling  creed  ! 
Force  the  mother  from  her  home  I 
That  once  pure  and  peaceful  dome  ; 
Bind  her  fast  with  maniacs,  where 
None  will  heed  her  yearning  prayer  ; 
Let  cold  bars  and  bolts  and  keys 
Fetter  mothers  such  as  these  1 
Iron  manacles  we  need 
To  protect  our  darling  creed. 
"What  are  homes  or  children's  claims  ? 
What  a  doting  mother's  aims  ? 
What  were  life,  love,  liberty, 
If  our  creed  imperiled  be  ! 
Nothing  in  this  world  we  heed, 
Like  our  dear  endangered  creed. 
Thus  State  power  august  hath  wrought 
Fetters  for  too  daring  thought  I 
Souls  thus  bold,  Asylums  need, 
To  protect  our  precious  creed. — MRS.  S.  N.  B.  0. 

This  was  the  pivot  on  which  my  reputation  for  sanity  was 
suspended  ;  for  I  could  not  be  made  to  confess  that  God  made 
a  bad  or  sinful  article  when  he  made  human  nature ;  but  on 
the  contrary,  I  claimed  that  all  which  God  made  was 
"good" — that  is,  was  just  as  he  intended  it  to  be;  and  I 
furthermore  argued,  that  to  be  natural,  was  to  be  just  as  God 
had  made  me  to  be — that  to  be  unnatural,  was  to  be  wrong 
or  sinful.  I  claimed  that  God's  work,  as  he  made  it,  was 
perfect — it  needed  no  regeneration  to  make  it  right — that 
regeneration  was  necessary  only  when  we  had  become  unnat- 
ural or  different  from  what  God  had  made  us.  I  willingly 
acknowledged  that  our  natures  in  their  present  state,  were 
perverted  or  depraved,  in  many  instances  to  a  painful  degree; 
but  that  none  are  entirely  lost  to  all  traces  of  the  divine 
image.  For  example,  the  drunkard  is  depraved  in  his  appe- 


24:  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

tite  for  drink,  and  the  regeneration  he  needs,  is  not  a  nei 
appetite  but  a  restoration  of  it  to  its  natural,  original,  unpei 
verted  state.  Then  he  would  have  only  a  natural  appetit 
for  food  and  drink,  which  is  in  itself  no  sin  ;  but  the  sin  cor 
sists  in  his  abuse  of  a  natural  instinct,  not  in  the  natural  us 
of  it.  So  that  the  natural  exercise  of  our  faculties,  as  Goi 
has  made  them,  is  not  wrong,  but  only  the  unnatural  o 
abusive  use  of  them  is  wrong  or  sinful. 

The  Unlimited  Atonement. 

The  professedly  orthodox  pulpit  says,  that  "  God  intend® 
all  mankind  for  a  life  of  purity,  virtue  and  happiness."  Nov 
I  wish  to  ask,  if  God's  intentions  can  be  thwarted  ?  If  the^ 
can  not  be  thwarted,  and  God  intended  all  mankind  for  hap 
piness,  will  not  all  men  be  saved  ?  If  God  intended  it,  am 
does  not  accomplish  it,  is  he  omnipotent?  I  believe  God  ii 
omnipotent — that  he  intends  nothing  but  good — and  he  wil 
carry  out  all  his  intentions.  I  believe  the  devil  is  not  om 
nipotent — that  he  intends  nothing  but  evil — and  he  wil 
ultimately  fail  in  all  his  intentions. 

Therefore,  God's  intention  in  sending  his  Son  into  th< 
world  to  redeem  and  save  it,  can  not  be  defeated ;  and  whei 
he  assures  us  in  his  word  that  he  "would  that  all  men  b< 
saved,"  I  believe  that  he  is  sincere,  and  thereby  intends  tc 
bring  all  men  ultimately  to  repentance  and  faith  in  Christ 
And  when  he  assures  us  that  "  death  and  hell  shall  be  de 
stroyed,"  I  believe  it.  And  therefore  there  must  ultimately 
be  a  time  when  sin  and  punishment  shall  cease  to  be;  and  as 
sin  and  punishment  had  a  beginning,  they  must  have  an  end, 
But  as  God  never  had  a  beginning,  so  will  he  never  have  arj 
end,  but  is  destined  ultimately,  to  be  the  mighty  ponqueroi 
and  head  over  all. 

God's  Immutability. 

While  Deacon  Smith  was  our  teacher,  I  once  asked  hiir 
this  question,  viz  :  "Did  God  change  his  purpose  towards 
Nineveh,  when  he  said  he  would  destroy  Nineveh  and  after 


BIBLE  CLASS  DISCUSSIONS.  25 

•wards  saved  it,  as  Jonah  seemed  to  think  he  did,  and  expos- 
tulated with  him  to  this  effect?  " 

Deacon  Smith  replied,  "He  did  not.  God  never  changes 
his  purposes."  This  I  considered  as  a  correct  answer;  but 
his  attempt  to  reconcile  the  two  facts,  viz :  his  attribute  of 
unchangeableness,  and  his  change  towards  Nineveh,  was  not 
satisfactory.  He  simply  remarked,  "  God  was  not  obliged 
to  explain  his  plans  and  operations  of  government  to  Jonah's 
satisfaction."  This  reason  seemed  to  my  mind  to  reflect  a 
degree  of  dishonor  upon  the  perfect  character  of  our  God. 
I  believe  we  have  a  right  to  inquire,  like  Jonah,  into  a 
knowledge  of  his  ways  concerning  us,  and  that  we  can,  and 
ought,  so  to  interpret  his  providences  as  not  to  reflect  dis- 
honor upon  his  character  for  justice  and  veracity,  either  in 
word  or  action ;  and  I  believe  he  is  willing  thus  to  manifest 
himself  to  us,  and  thereby  convict  us  of  pur  unreasonable 
complaints  against  his  providences  towards  us.  I  say  this 
suggestion  from  Deacon  Smith  did  not  satisfy  me,  but  the 
suggestion  of  Mrs.  Smith  and  Mrs.  Dixon  did  fully  satisfy 
me. 

They  said,  "  the  Ninevites  repented,  as  a  reason  why  God's 
actions  towards  them  changed."  Here  was  the  key  which 
unlocked  all  the  mystery.  It  is  we  that  change,  not  God. 
He  has  unchangeably  decreed  that  sin  and  sinners  shall  be 
punished.  And  he  has  unchangeably  decreed  to  extend  par- 
don and  forgiveness  to  the  repentant  sinner.  These  two 
eternal  purposes  are  his  unchangeable  decrees  thus  to  act  in 
all  future  time.  The  Ninevites  knew  it  was  so,  and  there- 
fore they  resorted  to  the  only  possible  way  they  could  resort 
to  and  be  saved.  They  repented — God's  immutable  purpose 
stood  unchanged.  They  were  forgiven,  and  thus  saved. 

"What  is  it  to  be  a  Christian? 

It  is  not  to  cease  to  be  a  sinner.      "No  man  liveth    and 

sinnethnot."     All  come  short  of  perfect  obedience  to  God's 

laws.      To  be  a  Christian  is  to  be  like  Christ — that  is,  to  live 

in   accordance  with   the  laws  of  our  being,  both    physical 

B 


26  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

and  moral  and  spiritual ;  but  as  our  knowledge  of  these 
laws  is  limited,  we  are  liable  to  transgress  ignorantly ;  but 
the  Christian  is  willing  to  put  on  Christ's  righteousness,  by 
repenting  of  his  wrong  doing,  and  thus  living  like  him. 
By  obeying  God's  laws,  he  becomes  like  Christ,  and  thus 
puts  on  his  righteousness. 

It  is  one  part  of  my  Christianity,  as  I  view  it,  to  obey  the 
laws  of  health,  and  thus  live  a  healthy,  natural  life,  believing 
that  is  the  best  foundation  on  which  to  build  up  my  spiritual 
nature.  I  can  not  conceive  of  a  symmetrical  spiritual  body 
without  a  heal  thy  natural  body  to  sustain  it,  anymore  than  I 
can  expect  to  build  a  cupola  without  a  house  to  rest  it  upon. 
"  First  the  natural,  then  the  spiritual,"  seems  to  be  the  order 
God  has  established  to  develop  human  beings  and  make  them 
like  Christ.  The  human  nature  must  be  sublimated  into  the 
divine  nature ;  or  in  other  words,  the  lower,  animal  propen- 
sities must  become  only  the  servants  of  the  higher,  spiritual 
faculties,  instead  of  being  their  masters  as  they  now  are,  in 
their  present  depraved  or  unnatural  condition. 

Freedom  of  Conscience. 

Conscience  is  God's  vicegerent  in  the  soul.  To  heed  the 
voice  of  conscience  is  to  heed  the  voice  of  God.  I  never 
dare  to  do  what  I  conscientiously  believe  to  be  wrong ; 
neither  will  I  be  deterred  from  doing  what  I  conscientiously 
believe  to  be  right,  impossibilities  of  course  excepted,  for 
God  never  requires  of  us  impossibilities. 

I  regard  my  conscience  as  a  safe  guide  for  myself,  there- 
fore I  allow  it  so  to  others ;  while  at  the  same  time  I  believe 
it  is  only  safe  when  it  is  based  upon  truth;  and  to  me,  the 
truth  must  be  base^l  upon  God's  revealed  will,  as  I  view  it  in 
God's  word  and  works,  and  is  thereby  identified  with  the 
Bible.  But  I  do  not  regard  my  views  of  truth  as  a  standard 
for  any  other  human  being  but  myself;  therefore  I  do  not 
feel  at  liberty  to  judge  any  other's  conscience  than  my  own. 
I  cheerfully  assume  the  entire  responsibility  of  my  own  ac- 
tions, viewed  from  my  own  standpoint;  but  I  am  not  willing 


SPIRITUAL  GIFTS.  27 

• 

to  take  the  responsibility  of  any  other's  actions,  viewed  from 
their  standpoint.  We  must  all  stand  or  fall  for  ourselves  in 
judgment.  Therefore,  I  claim  Freedom  of  Conscience  for 
all  the  human  family  equally  with  myself. 

Spiritual  Gifts. 

The  following  article  was  prepared  for  the  class,  but  was 
refused  a  hearing  lest  it  be  found  to  favor  Spiritualism . 

I  differ  from  Deacon  Merrick  in  the  opinion  that  those 
spiritual  gifts  mentioned  in  the  12th  chapter  of  1st  Corin- 
thians— viz  :  the  gifts  of  healing,  working  of  miracles,  proph- 
ecy, discerning  of  spirits,  interpretation  of  tongues,  the 
word  of  wisdom,  and  the  word  of  knowledge,  etc.,  were 
confined  to  the  apostolic  age.  But  it  is  my  opinion  that  they 
are  the  legitimate  fruits  of  pure  Christianity,  and  attendant 
upon  it  to  the  end  of  time.  Christ  says,  "  these  signs  shall 
follow  them  that  believe."  Faith  is  evidently  the  stock  on 
which  these  gifts  are  grafted,  and  I  believe  this  is  a  kind  of 
faith  which  it  is  our  duty  to  cultivate  and  exercise  to  the 
same  degree  that  the  apostles  did.  •  And  my  reasons  for  this 
belief  are  supported  by  facts  and  revelation,  as  I  view  it. 

FIRST. — The  Bible  supports  this  opinion.  Christ  instructed 
us  to  exercise  a  kind  of  faith,  which  he  compares  in  power  to 
that  of  "removing  mountains,"  and  also,  "if  ye  had  faith  as 
a  grain  of  mustard  seed  ye  might  say  to  this  sycamore  tree, 
be  thou  plucked  up  by  the  roots,  and  be  thou  cast  into  the 
sea,  and  it  shall  obey  you."  Now  these  illustrations  evi- 
dently seem  to  teach  that  in  the  exercise  of  this  faith  we 
may  expect  effects  to  be  produced  beyond  what  our  reason 
alone  would  justify  us  in  expecting.  Again,  in  James  it  is 
said,  "  the  prayer  of  faith  shall  save  the  sick."  And  again, 
"  all  things  whatsoever  ye  shall  ask  in  prayer,  believing,  ye 
shall  receive." 

Now  will  it  be  uncharitable  in  me  to  suggest  that  the  faith 
of  the  orthodox  churches  of  the  present  day  may  be  like  unto 
the  faith  of  the  woman  who  was  told  she  could  have  whatever 
she  asked  for,  believing  she  should  have  it.  Shortly  after  she 


28  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

wanted  something  very  much,  and  so  prayed  for  it  to  get  it, 
but  it  did  not  come.  Chagrined  at  her  failure,  she  remark- 
ed indignantly,  "I  knew  it  would  not  come  when  I  asked 
for  it  1 "  Now  may  not  Christians  ask  like  this  woman, 
cfo'sbelieving,  instead  of  believing  they  shall  have  them? 

SECOND. — The  proof  of  facts  that  this  faith  was  not  con- 
fined to  the  apostles — first,  the  Bible  fact.  James  directs 
the  churches  to  call  for  the  elders  of  the  church  ''to  come 
and  anoint  the  sick  man  with  oil,  and  to  pray  over  him,  and 
the  prayer  of  faith  shall  save  the  sick."  These  elders  who 
had  this  power  were  not  the  apostles.  And  Joel  prophesies 
of  the  last  days,  "your  sons  and  your  daughters  shall  proph- 
esy." From  this  it  seems  there  is  to  be  a  time  in  the  future 
when  pure,  simple  Christianity,  like  that  which  the  apostles 
taught,  is  to  prevail  again  upon  the  earth,  and  then  these 
gifts  are  to  follow  as  the  fruit  of  this  simple  faith;  thus 
showing' that  this  faith  was  not  to  be  confined  to  the  apostles, 
but  was  intended  to  be  the  natural  heritage  of  the  church 
whenever  she  became  pure  enough  to  produce  this  vigorous 
growth  of  faith  required  to  ensure  these  manifestations. 
This  faith  was  taught  by  Christ  and  exemplified  by  himself 
and  the  apostles. 

Again,  all  the  Christian  fathers,  certainly  down  to  the  end 
of  the  third  century,  affirm  the  continuation  of  these  gifts ; 
and  they  maintain  their  assertion  by  well  authenticated  facts 
in  church  history.  But  in  succeeding  ages,  when  the  mass 
of  Christians  had  become  corrupted  by  worldly  materialism 
and  carnal-mindedness,  these  gifts  became  more  and  more 
rarely  manifested,  and  were  mostly  confined  to  the  humble 
few  who  adhered  more  tenaciously  to  the  primitive  faith  and 
practice.  Yet  instances  have  occurred  among  some  dis- 
tinguished teachers  of  Christianity.  So  late  as  the  year  1821 
Rev.  Prince  Hohenlhe,  of  Worburg,  Germany,  a  distinguish- 
ed divine,  after  preaching  to  immense  crowds,  commenced  to 
perform  miracles.  To  the  astonishment  of  the  populace,  he 
made  the  blind  to  see,  the  deaf  to  hear,  the  lame  to  walk, 
and  the  paralytics  to  be  cured ;  and  in  a  short  time,  no  less 


SPIRITUAL  GIFTS.  29 

than  thirty-six  persons  were  restored  to  health,  from  a  state 
of  hopeless  infirmity.  This  he  did  by  his  prayers  and  a  firm 
confidence  in  God's  power. 

Another  fact  nearer  home.  About  twenty  years  since  I 
heard  of  a  woman  in  Chesterfield,  New  Hampshire,  who  ex- 
hibited the  power  of  discerning  spirits,  by  telling  at  first 
sight  the  true  character  of  entire  strangers,  as  correctly  as  if 
she  had  always  known  them.  But  to  come  still  nearer  home. 
Have  we  not  seen  those  who  could  instinctively  read  persons 
at  first  sight?  and  others  who  have  a  kind  of  prevision  of 
what  is  about  to  take  place,  and  they  even  act  upon  it  with 
a  kind  of  certainty  that  it  would  take  place,  for  their  ex- 
perience had  assured  them  that  it  could  be  relied  upon  as 
prophetic. 

I  once  heard  of  a  physician  who  had  this  foresight  to  such 
a  degree  as  enabled  him,  in  many  instances,  to  save  life,  by 
acting  in  accordance  with  it.  For  instance,  he  once,  while 
riding  home,  felt  an  impression  that  he  was  needed  in  a  cer- 
tain street ;  and  following  the  impression,  he  went  directly 
there,  and  found  a  man  who  had  just  been  thrown  from  his 
horse,  and  in  such  a  situation  that  unless  surgical  help  were 
immediately  applied,  he  must  have  died.  And  many  times 
had  he  left  his  bed  at  midnight  to  visit  his  patients,  guided 
only  by  these  impressions,  and  thus  saved  the  lives  of  many 
of  his  patients. 

This  kind  of  discernment  is  a  gift  higher  than  reason;  and 
may  it  not  be  possible  that  they  are  of  the  nature  of  these 
spiritual  gifts,  and  are  but  the  incipient  developments  of  a 
law  of  our  spiritual  nature  as  yet  undeveloped,  on  which 
these  gifts  are  founded,  which  is  to  be  the  fulfillment  of  Joel's 
prophecy? 

OBJECTION  FIRST. — Mrs.  Dixon  objected  that  since  the  pow- 
er of  working  miracles  is  included  among  these  gifts,  she 
concluded  they  must  be  confined  to  the  apostolic  age,  since  the 
day  of  miracles  is  past.  I  reply,  if  the  term  miracle  must 
mean  only  a  suspension  of  a  law  of  nature,  or  contrary  to  na- 
ture, I  think  with  her,  that  the  day  is  past  for  such  manifes- 


80 

tations.  But,  if  it  may  bear  the  interpretation  which  men  of 
talent  and  ability  put  upon  it — viz :  that  a  miracle  signifies, 
and  implies  a  supernatural  power,  meaning  a  power  acting  in 
harmony  with  a  higher  than  natural,  law,  I  think  they  may,  and 
still  do  continue.  The  law  by  which  these  supernatural  events 
takes  place,  is  unknown  to  us,  and  may  be  beyond  our  present 
ability  to  comprehend.  For  example,  had  we  never  seen  or 
known  that  a  caterpillar  could  be  changed  into  a  butterfly, 
we  should  call  it  a  miracle.  The  facts  occurring  daily  on 
the  telegraphic  wires  would  have  been  considered  miracles 
to  past  generations.  So  of  eclipses,  which  were  regarded  as 
miracles,  until  the  law  of  eclipses  was  discovered.  And  I 
think  it  will  continue  to  be  a  fact,  that  supernatural  events 
will  continue  to  take  place,  because  they  are  the  result  of 
laws  on  a  plane  of  which  we  are  as  yet  ignorant.  I  believe 
these  spiritual  gifts  are  all  controlled  by  established  laws  of 
our  spiritual  existence,  of  which  we  are  at  present  compara- 
tively ignorant.  I  fully  believe  God  never  acts  except  in 
harmony  with  established  laws,  and  is  never  compelled  to 
break  these  laws  to  bring  about  his  purposes. 

OBJECTION  SECOND. — Deacon  Merrick  objected,  that  if  this 
was  the  true  view,  all  who  believe  must  have  this  power ; 
and  since  none  do  have  it  as  he  thought,  therefore  there  can 
be  no  true  Christianity  in  the  church. 

I  reply,  that  I  do  not  thiiik  this  a  legitimate  conclusion — 
that  because  all  do  not  have  this  power,  therefore  none  do. 
Would  Deacon  Merrick  say  that  because  all  the  blossoms  of 
the  apple  tree  do  not  perfect  into  perfect,  sound,  ripe  apples, 
therefore  none  do;  or  that  there  are  no  apples  at  all?  Or 
would  he  rather  say,  that  each  blossom  has  in  it  the  germ  of 
the  mature,  sound  apple,  which  will  naturally  be  developed 
into  fruit,  unless  some  accident  occurs  to  prevent  it  ?  So  all 
who  have  any  degree  of  saving  faith,  have  that  in  them 
which  will  ultimately  perfect  into  this  vigorous  faith,  and 
bring  forth  some  of  these  perfected  fruits  or  spiritual  gifts. 
This  faith  is  the  natural  outgrowth  of  human  nature — that 
is,  it  has  that  universal  principle  of  human  nature,  viz  :  trust 


SPIEITUAL  GIFTS.  ^31 

or  confidence,  for  its  foundation  to  rest  upon.  "We  can  no 
more  get  faith  without  this  principle  of  human  nature  to 
build  it  upon,  than  we  can  get  apples  without  soil  to  support 
the  tree ;  and  no  more  is  the  soil  a  sinful  article  because  it  is 
natural,  than  is  human  nature  sinful  because  it  is  natural. 
Both  the  nature,  and  the  precious  spiritual  fruits  germinated 
upon  it,  are  parts  of  God's  well  done  work,  and  therefore  are 
both  equally  good  in  their  places.  But  for  lack  of  proper 
cultivation  this  kind  of  fruit  is  rarely  brought  to  perfection 
in  this  life. 

Another  illustration.  I  once  heard  the  Rev.  Mr.  Cooper, 
a  Presbyterian  minister,  of  Salem,  Iowa,  relate  the  following 
fact,  which  took  place  when  he  served  on  board  a  vessel,  on 
the  coast  of  Norway :  His  captain  found  himself  utterly 
unable  to  navigate  his  ship  through  a  very  dangerous  chan- 
nel between  an  island  and  the  main  land.  A  pilot  on  board 
seeing  the  very  dangerous  condition  they  were  in,  volun- 
teered his  services  to  the  captain,  assuring  him  he  could  take 
the  ship  safely  through.  The  captain  accepted  the  offer, 
although  not  without  some  misgivings  as  to  the  ability  of 
this  stranger  pilot.  But  confident  he  could  not  guide  it  him- 
self, he  felt  compelled  to  accept  the  offer.  Consequently  he 
resigned  his  ship  entirely  to  this  pilot's  control,  and  direc-ted 
his  men  to  follow  all  this  new  pilot's  directions. 

The  pilot  accepted  his  charge,  and  commenced  by  revers- 
ing all  the  captain's  orders,  and  headed  the  ship  towards  the 
breakers  on  shore.  This  aroused  the  captain's  fears.  Still 
he  could  do  nothing  but  submit.  But  very  soon  his  fears 
became  so  much  aroused,  in  view  of  their  approach  towards 
the  breakers,  that  he  ventured  to  tell  his  pilot  that  they 
were  going  into  the  breakers.  "I  know  it,"  was  his  only 
reply,  and  still  approached  the  breakers.  The  captain  ex- 
postulated with  him  three  times ;  and  each  time  received  the 
same  answer,  "  I  know  it !  "  .  For  a  time  the  captain  paced 
the  deck  in  agony,  wringing  his  hands,  until  at  length  be- 
coming desperate,  he  determined  to  take  the  ship  into  his 
own  hands,  confident  that  his  professed  pilot  was  unworthy 


32  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

of  confidence,  and  was  just  in  the  act  of  doing  so,  when, 
behold!  the  pilot  turned  the  ship  about,  and  soon  brought 
it  out  of  all  danger. 

He  afterwards  found  that  the  pilot  had  turned  the  ship  at 
just  the  point,  and  the  only  point,  where  it  could  be  done 
without  being  wrecked,  for  there  was  a  narrow  channel  of 
rocks  beneath,  which  the  pilot  knew  how  to  follow  ;  but  the 
least  deviation  from  that  course  would  have  been  destruction 
to  the  ship,  and  an  attempt  to  turn  before  the  right  point  was 
reached  would  have  been  not  only  impossible,  but  certain 
destruction. 

Now  this  captain  had  only  just  faith  enough  in  his  pilot  to 
save  him.  He  did  not  have  that  degree  of  faith  needed  to 
raise  him  entirely  above  his  fears,  in  view  of  dangers  so  ap- 
parent to  his  reason.  This  degree  of  faith  demanded  the 
exercise  of  even  a  higher  faculty  than  his  reason,  for  it  appar- 
ently conflicted  with  reason.  But  gospel  faith  in  its  highest 
exercise,  never  conflicts  with  reason,  although  it  sometimes 
transcends  reason.  But  the  different  gradations  of  faith, 
from  the  mere  saving  faith  to  that  all  conquering  faith,  which 
allays  all  anxiety  and  solicitude,  under  the  most  adverse 
circumstances,  depends  upon  the  different  organizations  and 
surroundings  which  determine  its  development  and  growth. 
And  all  these  manifold  variations  and  gradations  are  ulti- 
mately to  perfect  into  that  sound  and  vigorous  faith  which 
Christ  inculcated,  and  is  the  stock  upon  which  all  these 
spiritual  gifts  germinate  into  natural  fruit. 

Questions  for  the  Class. 

The  following  are  some  of  the  questions  I  proposed  to  the 
class  for  discussion,  some  of  which  were  allowed  to  be  dis- 
cussed, and  many  were  not : 

1.  Do  true  Christians  ever  die  with  unrepented  sins  upon 
them? 

2.  Does  death,  which  is  merely  a  natural  law  of  the  body, 
affect  the  spirit ;  or  does  the  extinction  of  merely  animal  life 
produce  any  change  in  our  spiritual  life  ? 


QUESTIONS  FOR  THE  CLASS.  3S 

3.  Is  it  not  the  spirit  that  repents? 

4.  Why  then  cannot  the  spirit  repent  when  disconnected 
from  the  body  ? 

5.  Does  truth  ever  change? 

6.  Can  people   have  a  difference  of  opinion  on  the  same 
subject,  and  yet  all  be  correct? 

7.  What  causes  this  diversity  of  belief? 

8.  Will  all  equally  good  people  see  the  truth  in  just  the 
same  light  ? 

9.  How  ought  we  to  treat  those  who  we  think  teach  error? 

10.  Should  we   accede   to  the  errorist  the  same  right  of 
opinion  we  do  the  advocates  of  truth? 

11.  Are  we  to  expect  new  moral  truths  to  be  developed 
at  the  present  day,  since  the  canon  of  scripture  is  complete  ? 

12.  Does  progress  in  knowledge  necessarily  imply  a  change 
of  views  ? 

13.  Is  not  the  platform  of  common  sense  the  platform  for 
a  common  religion  to  stand  upon  ? 

14.  Are  bigotry  and  intolerance  confined  to  any  one  church, 
or  is  this  "  Great  Beast"  found  in  all  churches? 

15.  Can  there  be  <(one  Lord,    one  faith,  one   baptism," 
without  a  mutual  yielding  of  sectarian  views  among  all  de- 
nominations of  Christians  ? 

16.  Have  we  any  reason  to  expect  that  a  Christian  farmer, 
as  a  Christian,  will  be  any  more  successful  in  his  farming  op- 
erations than  an  impenitent  sinner?  or,  in  other  words,  does 
the  motive  with  which  we  prosecute  our  secular  business, 
have  anything  to  do  with  the  pecuniary  results  ?     And  if  not, 
how  is  godliness  profitable  ? 

If  any  of  my  readers  would  like  to  see  my  answer  to  the 
sixteenth  question,  I  could  refer  them  to  my  "  Three  Years' 
Imprisonment  for  Eeligious  Belief,"  where  they  will  find  it 
on  the  thirty-third  page.  In  that  book  the  reader  will  also 
find  a  full  account  of  my  jury  trial  before  Judge  Starr,  of 
Kankakee  City,  where  my  sanity  was  vindicated  ;  and  my 
persecution  is  there  demonstrated  to  be  the  triumph  of  big- 
otry over  the  republican  principles  of  free  religious  toleration. 
B  2 


84  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

This  trial  was  not  allowed  me  until  after  an  inprisonment  of 
three  years,  when,  by  the  decision  of  the  court,  it  was  found 
that  I  had  not  been  insane,  and  thereby  had  been  falsely  im- 
prisoned all  this  time.  The  way  in  which  my  incarceration 
was  secured  will  be  found  in  the  subsequent  chapter. 


III. 

My  Abduction. 

About  three  weeks  before  my  incarceration,  Mr.  Packard 
came  to  my  room  one  day,  and  made  me  another  proposition 
for  withdrawing  from  the  class.  Said  he,  "  Wife,  wouldn't 
you  like  to  visit  your  brother  in  Batavia  ?  " 

"  I  should  like  it  very  well,  if  it  is  not  running  from  my 
post  of  duty." 

"  You  have  not  only  a  perfect  right  to  go,  but  I  think  it 
is  your  duty  to  go  and  get  recruited." 

"Very  well,  then  I  will  go  with  the  greatest  pleasure. 
But  how  long  do  you  think  I  had  better  make  my  visit?" 

"  Three  months." 

"  Three  months  I  Can  you  get  along  without  me  three 
months  ?  and  what  will  the  children  do  for  their  summer 
clothes  without  me  to  make  them?" 

"  I  will  see  to  that  matter  ;  you  must  stay  three  months, 
or  not  go  at  all." 

""Well,  lam  sure  I  can  stand  it  to  rest  that  length  of 
time,  if  you  can  stand  it  without  my  services.  So  I  will  go. 
But  I  must  take  my  baby  and  daughter  with  me,  as  they 
have  not  fully  recovered  from  their  influenzas,  and  I  should 
not  dare  to  trust  them  away  from  me." 

"Yes,  you  may  take  them." 

"  I  will  then  prepare  myself  and  them  to  go  just  as  soon 
as  you  see  fit  to  send  us.  Another  thing,  husband.  I  shall 
want  ten  dollars  of  my  patrimony  money  to  take  with  me 
for  spending  money." 


MY   ABDUCTION.  35 

"That  you  can't  have." 

"Why  not?  I  shall  need  as  much  as  that,  to  be  absent 
three  months  with  two  sick  children.  I  may  need  to  call  a 
doctor  to  them;  and  besides,  my  brother  is  poor,  and  I  am 
rich,  comparatively,  and  I  might  need  some  extra  food,  such 
as  a  beefsteak,  or  something  of  the  kind,  and  I  should  not 
like  to  ask  him  for  it.  And  besides,  I  have  your  written 
promise  that  I  may  have  my  own  money  whenever  I  want  it 
and  I  do  want  ten  dollars  of  it  now  ;  and  I  thinK  it  is  nr 
unreasonable  amount  to  take  with  me." 

"I  don't  think  it  is  best  to  let  you  have  any.  I  shanM 
trust  you  with  money." 

"  Shan't  trust  me  with  money  I  Why  not?  Have  I  ever 
abused  this  trust?  Do  not  I  always  give  you  an  exact 
account  of  every  cent  I  spend  ?  And  I  will  this  time  do  so  ; 
and  besides,  if  you  cannot  trust  me,  I  will  put  it  into  broth- 
er's hands  as  soon  as  I  get  there,  and  not  spend  a  cent  but 
by  his  permission." 

"No,  I  shall  not  consent  to  that." 

"One  thing  more  I  will  suggest.  You  know  the  Batavia 
people  owe  you  twelve  dollars  for  preaching  one  sabbath, 
and  you  can't  get  your  pay.  Now,  supposing  brother  '  duns' 
and  gets  it,  may  I  use  this  money  if  I  should  chance  to  need 
it  in  an  emergency  ?  and  if  I  should  not  need  any,  I  won't 
use  a  cent  of  it  ?  Or,  I  will  write  home  to  you  and  ask  per- 
mission of  you  before  spending  a  dollar  of  it." 

"  No,  you  shall  neither  have  any  money,  nor  have  the  con- 
trol qf,  any,  for  I  can't  trust  you  with  any." 

"  Well,  husband,  if  I  can't  be  trusted  with  ten  dollars  of 
my  own  money  under  these  circumstances,  I  should  not  think 
I  was  capable  of  being  trusted  with  two  sick  children  three 
months  away  from  home,  wholly  dependent  on  a  poor  broth- 
er's charities.  Indeed  I  had  rather  stay  at  home  and  not  go 
at  all,  than  go  under  such  circumstances." 

"  You  shall  not  go  at  all,"  replied  he,  in  a  most  excited, 
angry  tone  of  voice.  "You  shall  go  into  an  Asylum  I" 

"  Why,  husband,  I  did  not  suspect  such  an  alternative.     I 


36 

had  rather  go  to  him  penniless  and  clotheless  even,  than  go 
into  an  Asylum  !" 

"  You  have  lost  your  last  chance.  You  shall  go  into  an 
Asylum ! " 

Knowing  the  inflexibility  of  purpose  which  characterized 
rny  husband,  I  knew  there  was  no  refuge  for  me  in  an  appeal 
to  his  humanity,  his  reason  or  his  affection,  for  a  commuta- 
tion of  my  sentence.  I  therefore  laid  my  case  before  our 
kind  neighbor,  Mr.  Comstock,  who  professed  to  be  a  kind  of 
lawyer,  and  sought  his  counsel  and  advice.  Said  he,  "Mrs. 
Packard,  you  have  nothing  to  fear.  It  is  impossible  for 
your  husband  to  get  you  into  any  insane  asylum;  for  before 
he  can  do  this,  you  must  have  a  jury  trial ;  and  I  can  assure 
you  there  as  no  jury  in  the  country  who  would  pronounce 
you  to  be  an  insane  person,  for  you  give  every  evidence  of 
intelligence  that  any  person  can  give." 

As  this  Mr.  Comstock  had  been  a  constant  attendant  at 
our  bible  class  for  some  time  past,  and  had  thereby  heard  and 
seen  all  the  evidence  which  could  be  brought  against  me  ; 
and  as  he  professed  to  understand  the  law  on  this  point,  this 
unqualified  and  positive  assertion  served  to  quiet  my  fears 
and  anxious  foreboding  to  a  considerable  degree.  But  had 
Mr.  Comstock  known  the  law  as  it  then  was,  he  could  not 
have  made  this  assertion.  He  probably  took  it  for  granted 
that  the  common  principles  of  justice  characterized  the  Illinois 
statue  laws,  viz  :  that  all  its  citizens  should  be  allowed  a 
trial  before  imprisonment ;  but  being  mistaken  on  this  point, 
he  blindly  led  me  astray  from  the  truth.  • 

Had  I  known  what  Mr.  Packard  knew,  of  the  legal  power, 
which  the  law  gave  the  husband  to  control  the  identity  of 
the  wife,  I  should  not  have  been  thus  deceived.  I  did  not 
then  know  what  I  now  do,  that  married  women  and  infants 
were  excepted  in  the  application  of  this  principle  of  common 
justice.  This  class  were  not  only  allowed  to  be  imprisoned 
by  their  husbands  or  guardians  without  any  trial,  or  without 
any  chance  at  self-defence  whatever,  but  they  were  also  ex- 
pressly licensed  to  imprison  them  in  an  insane  asylum  without 


MY  ABDUCTION.  37 

evidence  of  insanity !  This  legal  license  reads  thus,  as 
found  on  the  Illinois  Statute  Book,  page  96,  Session  Laws 
15,  1851,  Section  10:  "Married  women  and  infants  who, 
in  the  judgment  of  the  medical  Superintendent  (meaning  the 
Superintendent  of  the  Illinois  State  Hospital  for  the  Insane,) 
are  evidently  insane  or  distracted,  may  be  entered  or  detained 
in  the  hospital  on  the  request  of  the  husband  of  the  woman, 
or  the  guardian  of  the  infant,  without  the  evidence  of  insanity 
required  in  other  cases." 

Not  knowing  that  Illinois  had  legalized  this  mode  of  kid- 
napping the  married  women  of  their  State,  I  had  no  idea 
that  my  personal  liberty  depended  entirely  upon  the  will  or 
wishes  of  my  husband.  I  thereupon  returned  to  my  home 
with  a  feeling  of  comparative  security,  trusting  and  suppos- 
ing that  upon  the  principles  of  our  free  government  of  religious 
toleration,  my  rights  of  conscience,  and  rights  of  opinion 
were  respected  and  protected  by  law,  in  common  with  other 
American  citizens.  Still,  believing  that  a  most  strenuous 
effort  would  be  made  to  fasten  the  stigma  of  insanity  upon 
me,  by  my  opponents  in  religious  belief,  I  now  began  to  con- 
sider what  my  plea  of  self-defence  must  be  when  arraigned 
for  trial  on  insanity,  based  upon  what  they  regarded  as 
heresy. 

But  while  my  mind  was  cogitating  my  plea,  and  my  hands 
were  busily  employed  in  my  domestic  duties,  I  could  not  help 
noticing  many  singular  manifestations  in  Mr.  Packard's  con- 
duct towards  me.  One  was,  from  the  time  my  sentence  was 
pronminced,  Mr.  Packard  left  my  bed  without  giving  me  any 
reason  for  this  singular  act,  and  he  seemed  peculiarly  deter- 
mined to  evade  all,  and  every  inquiry  into  his  reasons  for  so 
doing.  Still  I  insisted  upon  knowing  whether  it  was  because 
of  anything  I  had  done,  which  led  him  thus  to  forsake  me. 
He  assured  me  it  was  not — adding,  "you  have  always  been 
kind,  and  true  and  faithful  to  me."  While  this  truthful 
acknowledgement,  afforded  a  kind  of  relief  to  my  feelings,  it 
only  served  to  increase  the  mystery  of  the  affair  still  more, 
and  even  to  this  day  this  mystery  has  never  been  solved  in 


88  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE 

my  mind.  The  only  reason  lie  ever  gave  me  was,  "  I  think  it 
is  best!" 

Another  thing,  he  removed  my  medicine  box,  containing 
our  family  herbs  and  cordials,  from  my  nursery  into  his  sleep- 
ing apartment,  and  when  I  found  it  necessary  one  night  to 
give  my  little  Georgie  some  lobelia  to  relieve  him  from  spas- 
modic croup,  I  was  obliged  to  seek  for  it,  and  finding  it  under 
his  bed  instead  of  its  accustomed  place,  I  inquired  why  he  had 
made  that  arrangement,  and  received  the  same  mysterious  re- 
ply, "I  think  it  is  best !" 

Another  thing,  he  seemed  unaccountably  considerate  of  my 
health,  insisting  upon  it  that  I  should  have  a  hired  girl  to  help 
me.  This  arrangement  surprised  me,  all  the  more,  because  I 
had  so  often  been  refused  this  favor,  when  I  had  asked  for  it 
at  times  when  I  thought  I  needed  it  within  a  few  past  years. 
I  however  found  it  very  easy  and  pleasant  to  concur  with  this 
arrangement,  which  afforded  me  more  uninterrupted  time  and 
thought  to  devote  to  my  plea.  But  there  was  one  thing  about 
it  which  I  did  not  like,  and  that  was,  to  dismiss  my  girl,  just 
when  I  had  got  her  well  learned  how  to  do  my  work,  without 
giving  any  reason  whatever,  either  to  me  or  my  girl,  for  this 
strange  conduct.  I5ut  I  afterwards  found  out  the  reason  for 
dismissing  her  was,  because  she  had  remarked  to  a  neighbor  of 
ours  that;  "I  can't  see  what  Mr.  Packard  does  mean  by  calling 
his  wife  insane;  for  she  is  the  kindest  and  best  woman  I  ever 
saw — I  never  worked  for  so  kind  a  mistress." 

But  his  summary  manner  of  disposing  of  my  good,  kind, 
faithful  French  Catholic  girl,  and  supplying  her  place%with 
one  of  his  own  church  members,  an  opponent  to  me  in  argu- 
ment, and  she  the  eldest  daughter  of  the  most  aristocratic 
family  in  the  place,  was  very  peculiar.  This  aristocratic, 
Miss  Sarah  Rumsey,  was  introduced  into  my  family  as  a  dinner 
guest,  on  whom  I  bestowed  all  the  attentions  of  the  hostess 
until  after  dinner,  when  my  girl  came  to  the  parlor  to  bid  me 
"  good  bye,"  saying  with  tears,  "  Mr.  Packard  has  dismissed 
me."  "  Dismissed  you  1  For  what  ?" 

"I  dont  know — he    simply   told  me    to  get  my  things   and 


MY  ABDUCTION.  39 

leave,  that  my  services  were  no  longer  wanted  in  his  family." 

While  I  was  trying  to  comfort  her  under  this  uncivil  dis- 
charge, Miss  Rumsey  stepped  up  and  volunteered  her  services 
as  "my  help." 

"  My  help !  have  you  come  here  to  be  my  hired  girl  ?"  said  I, 
in  amazement. 

"Yes,  I  am  willing  to  help  you." 

"But  I  wish  to  understand  you — has  Mr.  Packard  secured 
your  services  as  my  hired  servant?" 

"Yes,  Mrs.  Packard,  I  have  come  for  that  purpose?" 

"Very  well,  then,  I  will  set  you  to  work,  and  you  may  look 
to  him  for  your  wages." 

She  then  followed  me  into  the  kitchen,  where  I  gave  her  my 
instructions,  and  then  I  retired  to  my  parlor,  leaving  her  to 
take  her  first  lesson  in  practical  service  in  her  beloved  pastor's 
kitchen. 

During  her  term  of  service,  which  lasted  until  I  was  kid- 
napped, about  one  week  from  this  time,  I  frequently  caught 
Mr.  Packard  and  Miss  Rumsey  and  Mrs.  Sybil  Dole,  his  sister, 
in  most  earnest  conversation,  which  was  always  carried  on  in 
a  whisper  whenever  I  was  within  hearing  distance,  and  my 
presence  seemed  always  to  evoke  manifestations  of  guilt  on 
their  part.  I  think  the  theme  of  conversation  at  these  clan- 
destine interviews  was,  my  abduction  and  how  it  should  be 
secured. 

My  children  now  became  almost  my  only  companions  and 
councillors.  The  three  youngest  slept  with  me,  so  that  I  had 
their  company  both  night  as  well  as  day.  I  expressed  to  them 
my  fears  that  I  might  yet  be  forced  away  from  them,  always 
assuring  them  that  no  power  but  force  should  seperate  me  from 
them.  They  always  responded,  "they  will  have  to  break  my 
arms  to  get  them  loose  from  their  grasp  upon  you,  Mother,  if 
they  try  to  steal  our  dear  mamma  from  us!"  But  the  filial  in- 
fluence Mr.  Packard  most  feared  to  cope  with,  was  my  second 
son,  I.  "W.  Packard,  then  sixteen  years  old.  My  oldest  son 
Theophilus,  was  then  at  Mt.  Pleasant,  Iowa.  I.  W.  commu- 
nicated to  Theophilus  the  dangers  he  feared  impending  over 


40  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

his  mother.  Theophilus  responded,  pledging  himself  that 
should  his  dear  mother  ever  be  put  into  an  Insane  Asylum,  he 
should  never  rest  until  he  had  liberated  her.  I.  W.  agreed  to 
this  same  pledge  of  untiring  devotion  to  his  dear  mother's 
welfare. 

During  these  ominous  days  of  solicitude  and  painful  forebo- 
dings, this  tender  hearted  and  devoted  son  would  never  leave 
for  his  work  in  Mr.  Comstock's  store,  without  first  coming  to 
my  room,  and  as  he  would  imprint  a  most  loving  kiss  upon  my 
lips,  he  would  whisper — "  dont  feel  bad,  mother  1  keep  up  good 
courage,  I  shall  do  all  I  can  for  you." 

%  And  he  did  do  all  he  could  to  stem  the  rising  current,  by 
rallying  influences  in  my  defence.  Quite  a  number  of  volun- 
teers gave  him  their  pledge  that  his  mother  never  should  leave 
that  depot  for  an  Insane  Asylum  ;  but  unfortunately,  his  fath- 
er became  acquainted  with  this  fact,  and  to  prevent  any  co- 
operation with  his  mother  in  the  execution  of  any  of  his  plans 
for  my  deliverance,  he  issued  his  mandate  that  I.  "W.  should 
not  speak  to  his  mother  for  one  week.  Not  knowing  that 
such  an  injunction  had  been  laid  upon  him,  I  accosted  him 
from  my  window  on  his  return  from  his  store,  and,  as  usual 
inquired  after  his  health.  He  had  been  my  patient  Tor  some 
weeks  past,  having  spit  blood  several  times  during  this  time, 
and  of  course  I  felt  a  deep  solicitude  for  his  health ;  and  now 
when  he  answered  me  only  by  the  pressure  of  his  fore  finger 
upon  his  closed  lips,  and  a  significant  shake  of  his  head,  I  be- 
came alarmed,  and  anxiously  inquired,  "can't  you  speak?"  A 
shake  of  the  head  was  his  only  response.  I  rushed  to  the  door 
to  meet  him,  to  ascertain  what  had  happened,  where  we  met 
my  only  darling  daughter  of  ten  years,  whom  we  all  called 
"  Sister,"  to  whom  he  said,  "  Sister,  I  want  you  should  tell 
mother  that  father  has  forbid  my  speaking  to  her  for  one  week, 
and  that  is  the  reason  1  can't  answer  her  questions." 

"  But  how  is  your  breast,  my  son?" 

"  Sister,  I  want  you  should  tell  mother  it  is  worse  ;  I  have 
spit  more  blood  to-day." 

In  this  manner,  with  my  daughter  for  our  medium,  I  ad- 


MY   ABDUCTION.  41 

ministered  to  his  physical  wants  and  spiritual  comfort  for 
one  week,  which  term  expired  one  day  before  my  abduction. 
During  this  time  he  never  failed  to  come  to  my  room  or  to 
the  window,  before  leaving,  to  bestow  upon  my  lips  his  lov- 
ing  kiss  of  silent,  xmdying  affection. 

s\  A  few  days  previous  to  my  seizure,  Mrs.  Dole  and  Mr. 
Packard  tried  to  prevail  upon  me  to  let  her  take  my  darling 
babe  home  with  her  for  a  few  days,  to  rest  me  from  my  night 
watches  with  my  sick  children,  to  which  I  foolishly  consented, 
supposing  this  offer  was  only  dictated  by  affection  and  sym- 
pathy for  me.  I  soon  became  impatient  for  my  babe,  and 
Mr.  Packard  allowed  me  to  go  to  Mr.  Dole's  with  him  to  see 
Arthur,  but  would  not  allow  me  to  bring  him  home  with  me. 
They  must  keep  him  a  day  or  two  longer  1  I  must  consent 
to  take  a  few  more  nights  of  good  sound  sleep  before  I  could 
embrace  my  darling  babe  once  more  !  Alas !  this  was  the 
final  parting  with  my  precious  darling  infant,  weaned  from 
the  breast  but  three  months  before.  His  little  arms  could 
hardly  be  unclasped  from  my  neck,  to  which  he  seemed  to 
cling  instinctively ;  with  the  tenderest  affection  he  would 
press  his  soft  cheek  against  mine,  and  say,  "dear  mamma! 
dear  mamma  !"  These  were  the  only  words  he  could  articu- 
late. 01  little  did  I  suspect  this  was  a  treacherous  act  of 
false  affection,  to  steal  from  me  my  darling  babe.  But  so  it 
proved  to  be. 

This  was  Saturday.  On  Sabbath  they  stole  from  me  my 
only  daughter,  by  a  similar  act  of  hypocrisy.  After  meet- 
ing Sabbath  evening,  the  Rumsey  carriage  called  at  our  door 
and  claimed  the  privilege  of  taking  my  daughter  home  with 
them  to  visit  her  intimate  friend  and  schoolmate,  the  young- 
est Rumsey.  They  plead  that  her  health  needed  a  change, 
and  she  could  come  home  any  day  I  chose  ;  and  in  answer 
to  my  inquiry,  "Hasthis  anything  to  do  with  my  being  taken 
off?"  they  all  with  united  voices,  insisted  that  it  had  not, 
adding,  "  this  is  not  our  most  distant  thought." 

I  at  length  reluctantly  consented  to  her  going,  and  we  too, 
parted  for  the  last  time  before  my  abduction,  little  suspecting 


42  THE  PKISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

it  to  be  so.  But  as  we  were  embracing  each  other  for  the 
.ast  time,  she  whispered  in  my  ear,  "  Mother,  if  there  are 
any  signs  of  taking  you  away,  you  will  let  me  know,  won't 
you?" 

"Certainly  I  will,  my  daughter,  you  may  rely  upon  your 
mother's  promise  in  this  thing.  So  set  your  heart  at  rest, 
and  enjoy  yourself  as  best  you  can."  And  we  parted! 

That  night  I  had  no  one  to  caress  but  my  darling  Georgie, 
of  seven  years,  who  was  now  nearly  recovered  from  his  lung 
fever.  But  from  some  unknown  cause,  sleep  was  not  easily 
courted  that  night.  Usually  my  sleep  was  sound,  quiet  and 
refreshing.  Sleepless,  wakeful  nights  were  unknown  to  me. 
But  now  some  evil  forebodings  assured  me  all  was  not  right. 
About  midnight  I  arose  and  silently  sought  Mr.  Packard's 
room,  to  see  if  I  could  make  any  discoveries  as  to  the  aspect 
of  things.  Here  instead  of  being  in  his  bed,  I  found  him 
noiselessly  searching  through  all  my  trunks  and  bandboxes. 
"What  could  this  mean?  Without  his  observing  me,  I  went 
oack  to  my  bed,  there  to  consider  this  question. 

Before  morning  my  suspicions  assumed  a  tangible  form.  I 
summoned  I.  W .  early  to  my  bedside,  to  tell  him  I  was  sure 
arrangements  were  being  made  to  carry  me  off  somewhere, 
and  therefore  I  wished  him  without  delay  to  go  and  get 
"  Sister"  home,  as  I  had  promised  to  send  for  her  in  case  of 
any  appearances  of  this  kind.  He  replied,  "  Mother,  I  will 
do  so ;  but  I  must  first  go  of  an  errand  on  to  the  prairie  for 
Mr.  Comstock,  and  then  I  will  return  to  the  house  and  take 
you  to  ride  with  me  to  Mr.  Rumsey's  and  get  Sister." 

"Yes,  that  will  do;  we  will  go  by  brother  Dole's  too,  and 
get  my  baby.  I  will  be  all  ready  when  you  return,  to  go 
with  you."  This  was  our  parting  I 

Little  Georgie,  ever  ready  to  serve  me,  ran  out  into  the 
dewy  grass  and  picked  a  saucer  of  ripe  strawberries  and  brought 
them  to  my  room,  saying  as  he  handed  them  to  me,  "I  have  pick- 
ed some  strawberries  for  your  breakfast,  mother;"  and  he  had 
lardly  time  to  receive  his  mother's  thanks, when  his  father  called 
-.im  out  to  the  door,  and  with  extended  hand  said,  "Come, 


MY  ABDUCTION.  43 

George,  won't  you  go  with  father  to  the  store  and  get  some 
sugar-plums?" 

Glad  as  any  boy  of  his  age  is  to  get  sugar-plums,  he  of 
course,  readily  went  with  his  father  to  get  his  plums,  and 
also  to  get  a  ride  too  with  his  brother  off  on  to  the  prairie  ! 
This  was  our  parting  scene  I 

Thus  had  my  children  been  abducted,  to  prepare  the  way 
for  the  mother's  abduction,  on  the  morning  of  the  18th  of 
June,  1860.  And  now  the  fatal  hour  had  come  that  I  must 
be  transported  into  my  living  tomb.  But  the  better  to 
shield  himself  in  this  nefarious  work,  Mr.  Packard  tried  to 
avail  himself  of  the  law  for  commitment  in  other  cases,  which 
is  to  secure  the  certificate  of  two  physicians  that  the  candi- 
date for  the  Asylum  is  insane.  Therefore  at  this  late  hour  I 
passed  an  examination  made  by  our  two  doctors,  both  mem- 
bers of  his  church  and  our  bible  class,  and  opponents  to  me 
in  argument,  wherein  they  decided  that  I  was  insane,  by 
simply  feeling  my  pulse  1 

This  scene  is  so  minutely  described  in  the  "  Introduction  to 
my  Three  Years'  Imprisonment,"  that  I  shall  not  detail  .it 
here.  The  doctors  were  not  in  my  room  over  three  minutes, 
conducting  this  examination,  and  without  asking  me  a  single 
question,  both  said  while  feeling  my  pulse,  "She  is  insane!" 

My  husband  then  informed  me  that  the  "  forms  of  law" 
were  now  all  complied  with,  and  he  now  wished  me  to  dress 
for  a  ride  to  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum.  I  complied,  but 
at  the  same  time  entered  my  protest  against  being  imprisoned 
without  a  trial,  or  some  chance  at  self-defence.  I  made  no 
physical  resistance  however,  when  he  ordered  two  of  his 
church-members  to  take  me  up  in  their  arms,  and  carry  me  to 
the  wagon  and  thence  to  the  cars,  in  spite  of  my  lady-like 
protests,  and  regardless  of  all  my  entreaties  for  some  sort  of 
trial  before  commitment. 

My  husband  replied,  "  I  am  doing  as  the  laws  of  Illinois 
allow  me  to  do — vou  have  no  protector  in  law  but  myself,  and 
I  am  protecting  you  now !  it  is  for  your  good  I  am  doing  this, 
I  want  to  save  your  soul — you  don't  believe  in  total  depravity, 
and  I  want  to  make  you  right." 


44  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"Husband,  have  I  not  a  right  to  my  opinions?" 
"  Yes,  you  have  a  right  to  your  opinions,  if  you  think  right." 
"  But  does  not  the  constitution  defend  the  right  of  religious 
toleration  to  all  American  citizens?" 

"  Yes,  to  all  citizens  it  does  defend  this  right,  but  you  are 
not  a  citizen ;  while  a  married  woman  you  are  a  legal  nonen- 
tity, without  even  a  soul  in  law.  In  short,  you  are  dead  as 
to  any  legal  existence  while  a  married  woman,  and  therefore 
have  no  legal  protection  as  a  married  woman."  Thus  I  learn- 
ed my  first  lesson  in  that  chapter  of  common  law,  which 
denies  to  married  woman  a  legal  right  to  her  own  identity  or 
individuality. 

IT. 

My  Abduction  —  Continued. 

The  scenes  transpiring  at  the  parsonage,  were  circulated 
like  wild-fire  throughout  the  village  of  Manteno,  and  crowds 
of  men  and  boys  were  rapidly  congregating  at  the  depot,  about 
one  hundred  rods  distant  from  our  house,  not  only  to  witness 
the  scenev  but  fully  determined  to  stand  by  their  pledge  to  my 
son,  I.  W.,  that  his  mother  should  never  leave  Manteno  depot 
for  an  Insane  Asylum. 

The  long  two  horse  lumber  wagon  in  which  I  was  conveyed 
from  my  house  to  the  depot,  was  filled  with  strongmen  as  my 
body  guard,  including  Mr.  Packard,  his  deacons,  and  Sheriff 
Burgess,  of  Kankakee  city  among  their  number.  When  our 
team  arrived  at  the  depot,  Mr.  Packard  said  to  me,  "Now, 
wife,  you  will  get  out  of  the  wagon  yourself,  won't  you?  You 
won't  compel  us  to  lift  you  out  before  such  a  large  crowd, 
will  you?" 

"  No,  Mr.  Packard,  I  shall  not  help  myself  into  an  Asylum. 
It  is  you  who  are  putting  me  there.  I  do  not  go  willingly, 
nor  with  my  own  consent — I  am  being  forced  into  it  against 
my  protests  to  the  contrary.  Therefore,  I  shall  let  you  show 
yourself  to  thia  crowd,  just  as  you  are — my  persecutor,  instead 
of  my  protector.  I  shall  make  no  resistance  to  your  brute 
force  claims  upon  my  personal  liberty — I  shall  simply  remain 
a  passive  victim,  helpless  in  your  power."  He  then  ordered 


MY  ABDUCTION.  45 

his  men  to  transport  me  from  the  wagon  to  the  depot  in  their 
arms. 

Before  this  order  was  executed,  I  addressed  the  sheriff  in 
these  words,  "Mr.  Burgess,  won't  you  please  have  the  kind- 
ness to  see  that  my  person  is  handled  gently,  for  I  am  easily 
hurt,  and  also  see  that  my  clothing  is  so  adjusted  as  not  to 
expose  me  immodestly,  which  with  my  hoops  I  fear  you  will 
find  some  difficulty  in  doing." 

"I  will  heed  your  requests,  Mrs.  Packard,"  he  kindly  re- 
plied. He  then  ordered  two  men  into  the  wagon,  to  lift  me 
from  the  board  seat,  which  was  placed  across  the  top  of  the 
wagon,  and  hand  me  over  the  wheel,  gently  down  into  the 
arms  of  two  men,  who  stood  with  outstretched  arms  below  to 
receive  me,  and  transport  me  into  the  "Ladies'  Room"  at 
the  depot.  This  order  was  executed  in  as  gentle  and  gen- 
tlemanly a  manner  as  it  could  be  done,  while  the  faithful 
sheriff  carefully  adjusted  my  clothing  as  best  he  could,  and  I 
was  landed  upon  a  seat  in  the  "Ladies'  Room."  I  then 
thanked  Mr.  Burgess  and  my  carriers  for  the  kind  manner  in 
which  they  had  executed  my  husband's  order ;  and  they  left, 
me  alone  to  join  the  crowd  on  the  platform.  I  then  arose, 
adjusted  my  dress  and  walked  to  the  window,  to  see  who 
were  there  assembled.  I  saw  they  were  my  friends  and  foes 
both,  about  equally  divided,  the  countenances  of  all  equally 
indicating  great  earnestness  and  deep  emotion. 

Soon  Mr.  Packard  came  alone  into  the  room,  and  I  resumed 
my  seat  when  he  addressed  me  as  follows  :  Bending  over  me, 
he  spoke  in  tones  the  most  bland  and  gentle,  and  said,  "  Now, 
wife,  my  dear  1  you  will  not  make  us  carry  you  into  the  cars, 
will  you?  Do  please  just  walk  into  them  when  they  come, 
won't  you,  to  please  me  !  Do  now,  please  me  this  once  ; 
won't  you  ?" 

Looking  him  full  in  the  face,  I  said,  "  Mr.  Packard,  I  shall 
not.  It  is  your  own  chosen  work  you  are  doing.  I  shall  not 
help  you  do  it.  If  I  am  put  into  the  cars,  it  will  not  be  my 
act  that  puts  me  there."  He  then  left  me,  and  soon  returned 
with  Mr.  Conistock  at  his  side,  when  he  said,  "Now,  wife. 


46  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Mr.  Comstock  thinks  you  had  better  walk  into  the  cars,  and 
you  know  you  think  a  good  deal  of  him ;  you  will  follow  his 
advice,  won't  you?" 

"  Mr.  Comstock  is  too  much  of  a  man  to  advise  me  to  leave 
my  dear  little  children,  to  go  and  be  locked  up  in  a  prison 
without  any  trial.  I  know  he  would  not  advise  any  such 
thing,"  said  I. 

Mr.  Comstock  then,  without  having  spoken  one  word,  left 
the  room.  While  these  scenes  in  the  Ladies'  Room  were 
being  enacted,  Deacon  Dole  was  acting  his  part  on  the  plat- 
form outside.  Finding  the  crowd  had  assembled  to  defend 
me,  and  that  they  were  determined  I  should  never  be  forced 
into  the  cars,  his  conscience  allowed  him  to  be  the  bearer  of 
a  lie  from  Mr.  Packard  to  the  company,  on  the  plea  that  the 
interests  of  his  beloved  pastor  and  the  cause  of  the  church 
required  it  as  an  act  of  self-defence.  He  therefore  positively 
told  them  that  Mr.  Packard  .was  pursuing  a  legal  course  in 
putting  his  wife  into  an  Asylum — that  the  Sheriff  had  legal 
papers  with  him  to  defend  the  proceeding,  and  if  they  resisted 
the  Sheriff,  they  would  be  liable  to  imprisonment  themselves. 
The  crowd  did  not  know  that  Deacon  Dole  was  lying  to  them, 
when  he  said  the  Sheriff  had  legal  papers;  for  he  had  none  at 
all,  as  the  Sheriff  afterwards  confessed — adding,  "  I  went  to 
the  Probate  Court  to  take  out  my  legal  papers,  and  they 
would  not  give  me  any,  because,  as  they  said,  I  could  not 
bring  forward  any  proof  of  insanity  which  could  satisfy  them 
that  Mrs.  Packard  was  insane.  Therefore  I  ventured  to 
carry  out  Mr.  Packard's  wishes  without  any  papers!" 

Thus  the  "majesty  of 'the  law,"  added  to  the  sacred  dig- 
nity of  the  pulpit,  so  overawed  this  feeling  of  manliness  in 
these  Mantenoites,  that  they  dared  not  make  a  single  effort 
in  defence  of  me.  Therefore,  when  the  engine  whistle  was 
heard,  Deacon  Dole  found  no  obstacle  in  the  way  of  taking 
me  up  in  his  arms,  with  the  help  of  another  man,  and  carry- 
ing me  from  the  depot  to  my  seat  in  the  cars,  except  tho 
difficulty  of  knowing  how  to  take  hold  of  me  in  a  modest  and 
gentlemanly  manner.  I,  however,  soon  solved  this  difficulty 


MT   ABDUCTION.  47 

for  him,  lay  suggesting  that  two  men  make  a  "  saddle-seat" 
with  their  four  hands  so  united,  that  I  could  sit  erect  and 
easily  upon  it,  between  them  both.  This,  with  my  assistance, 
they  promptly  did,  and  I  quietly  seated  myself,  while  Mr. 
Burgess  kindly  arranged  my  wardrobe  for  me.  While  borne 
along  on  this  human  vehicle,  by  my  manly  (  !  )  body  guard, 
my  elevated  position  afforded  me  a  fine  view  of  the  sea  of 
heads  below  me  ;  and  while  I  imploringly  and  silently  looked 
towards  them  for  that  protection  and  help  they  had  so  con- 
fidently volunteered  should  be  extended  to  me  if  needed,  I 
looked  in  vain!  "No  man  cared  for  my  soul!"  although 
Mrs.  Blessing  was  walking  the  platform,  wringing  her  hands 
in  agony  at  the  spectacle  I  presented,  and  in  a  loud  voice, 
while  the  tears  were  streaming  down  her  cheeks,  she  was 
imploring  them  to  extend  to  me  the  help  I  needed,  in  these 
expressive  words:  "Is  there  no  man  in  this  crowd  to  pro- 
tect this  woman?  Will  you  let  this  mother  be  torn  from  her 
children  and  thrust  into  a  prison  in  this  style,  with  none  to 
help  her  ?  0  !  is  there  no  man  among  you  ?  If  I  were  a  man, 
I  would  seize  hold  upon  her." 

MRS.  BLESSING'S  LAMENT. 

One,  one  alone,  stood  by  my  side, 

With  pleading  hands  and  voice  she  cried, 
"  Is  there  no  help  ?  Can  no  one  here 

Aid  now  our  suffering  sister  dear  ? 

Breathes  there  not  here  one  mother's  son 

Who  dares  to  aid  this  injured  one  ? 

Must  she  from  her  own  sons  be  torn, 

Her  darling  children  left  to  mourn  ? 

Crying  in  vain  for  mother  dear 

To  wipe  away  the  scalding  tear. 

Are  love  and  honor  both,  all  dead? 

Oh  neighbors  I  has  your  reason  fled  ? 

Can  you  look  and  see  her  go 

To  the  dark  maniac's  house  of  woe? 

Yet  raise  no  voice,  no  hand,  no  eye, 

To  stay  that  dread  calamity  1 

Throbs  here  no  heart  of  sympathy  ? 

Can  no  one  say  she  shall  be  free  ? 

Oh  !  in  the  sacred  name  of  love, 


48  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Of  liberty,  of  God  above, 
By  all  the  tender  ties  of  life, 
Spare  1  spare  !  that  deeply  suffering  wife. 
Recording  Angel !  cans't  thou  see 
A  blacker  shade  of  cruelty." — MRS.  S.  N.  B.  0. 
As  soon  as  I  was  landed  in  the  cars,  the  car  door  was  quick- 
ly locked,  to  guard  against  any  possible  reaction  of  the  public, 
manly  pulse,  in  my  defence.     Mr.  Packard,  Deacon  Dole,  and 
Sheriff  Burgess  seated  themselves  near  me,  and  the  cars  qui- 
etly moved  on  towards    my  prison    tomb,  leaving  behind  me, 
children,  home,  liberty    and  an   untarnished    reputation.     In 
short,  all,  all,  which  had  rendered  life  desirable,  or   tolerable. 
Up  to  this  point,  I  had  not    shed  a  tear.      All  my    nervous 
energy  was    needed  to  enable   me  to  maintain  that   dignified 
self-possession,  which  was  indispensably  necessary  for  a  sensi- 
tive womanly    nature  like    my    own,  to  carry  me  becomingly 
through  scenes,  such  as  I  have  described.     But  now  that  these 
scenes  were  past,  my  hitherto  pent  up  maternal  feelings  burst 
their  confines,  and  with  a  deep  gush  of  emotion,  I  exclaimed, 
"  0  !  what  will  become  of  my  dear  children  1"     I  rested  my 
head  upon  the  back  of  the  seat  in  front  of  me,  and  deliberate- 
ly yielded    myself  up    to   a  shower  of  tears.     0  !  thought  I, 
"What  will  my  dear  little  ones  do,  when  they  return  to  their 
desolate  home,  to    find  no  mother  there  !     0  their  tender,  lov- 
ing hearts,    will  die  of  grief,  at    the  story    of  their    mother's 
wrongs !" 

Yes,  it  did  well  nigh  rend  each  heart  in  twain,  when  the 
faot  was  announced  to  them,  that  they  were  motherless !  My 
sons,  I.  "W.,  and  George  were  just  about  this  time  returning 
from  their  prairie  errand,  ai>d  this  fact  was  now  being  com- 
municated to  them,  by  some  one  returning  from  the  depot, 
whom  they  met  near  the  same.  When  within  speaking  dis- 
tance, the  first  salutation  they  heard  was,  "Well,  your  mother 
is  gone." 

"What?1'  said  I.  W.,  thinking  he  had  misunderstood. 
"Your  mother  is  gone!" 

Supposing  this  was  only  an  old  rumor  revived,  he  carelessly 
replied,  "No  she  isn't,  she  is  at  home,  where  I  just  left  her, 


MY  ABDUCTION.  49 

and  I  am  now  on  the  way  there  to  take  her  to  ride  with  me." 

"But  she  has  gone — I  just  came  from  the  depot,  and  saw 
her  start." 

Now,  for  the  first  time,  the  terrible  truth  flashed  upon  his 
mind,  that  this  is  the  reason  George  and  I  have  been  sent  off 
on  this  errand,  and  this  accounts  also,  for  the  attentions  so 
lavishly  bestowed  upon  us  this  morning  by  my  groom,  by  my 
father,  and  by  Mr.  Comstock.  Yes,  this  awful  fact  at  last 
found  a  lodgment  in  his  sensitive  heart,  when  he,  amid  his 
choking  and  tears  could  just  articulate,  "George  !  we  have  no 
mother." 

Now  George,  too,  knew  why  he  had  been  so  generously 
treated  to  sugar-plums  that  morning,  and  he  too  burst  into 
loud  crying,  exclaiming,  "They  shall  not  carry  off  my  mother." 

"But  they  have  carried  her  off!  We  have  no  mother!" 
said  I.  "W.  Here  they  both  lifted  up  their  voices  and  wept 
aloud,  and  as  the  team  entered  the  village,  all  eyes  were 
upon  them,  and  others  wept  to  see  them  weep,  and  to  listen 
to  their  plaintive  exclamations,  "We  have  no  mother  I  We 
have  no  mother  1"  As  they  drew  near  the  front  of  Mr. 
Comstock's  store,  seeing  the  crowd  settling  there,  I.  W.  felt 
his  indignation  welling  up  within  him,  as  he  espied  among 
this  crowd  some  of  his  volunteer  soldiers  in  his  mother's  de- 
fence, and  having  learned  from  his  informant  that  no  one  had 
taken  his  dear  mother's  part,  he  reproachfully  exclaimed,  as 
he  leaped  from  his  wagon,  "And  this  is  the  protection  you 
promised  my  mother  !  What  is  your  gas  worth  to  me  !  " 

They  felt  the  reproaches  of  a  guilty  conscience,  and  dared 
not  attempt  to  console  them.  Mr.  Comstock  was  the  only 
one  who  ventured  a  response  in  words.  He  said,  "  You 
must  excuse  me,  I.  W.,  for  I  did  what  I  thought  would  be 
the  best  for  you.  I  knew  your  father  was  determined,  and 
he  would  put  her  in  at  any  rate  ;  and  I  knew  too,  that  your 
opposition  would  do  no  good,  and  would  only  torment  you  to 
witness  the  scene.  So  I  had  you  go  for  your  good  !"  "  For 
my  good  !"  thought  he,  "I  think  I  should  like  to  be  my  own 
C 


50  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

judge  in  that  matter  !"  He  spoke  not  one  reproachful  word 
in  reply,  but  quickly  sought  his  mother's  room,  where  he 
might  weep  alone. 

But  George,  knowing  the  direction  the  cars  went  with  his 
mother,  ran  on  the  track  after  them,  determined  he  never 
would  return  until  he  could  return  with  his  mother  rescued 
from  prison  1  He  was  not  missed  until  he  was  far  out  of 
hearing,  and  almost  out  of  sight — he  only  looked  like  a 
small  speck  on  the  distant  track.  They  followed  after  him; 
but  he  most  persistently  refused  to  return,  saying,  "  I  will 
get  my  dear  mamma  out  of  prison  I  My  mamma  shan't  be 
locked  up  in  a  prison !  I  will  not  go  home  without  my 
mother! " 

He  was  of  course  forced  back,  but  not  to  stay — only  until 
he  could  make  another  escape.  They  finally  had  to  imprison 
him — my  little  manly  boy  of  seven  years,  to  keep  him  from 
running  two  hundred  miles  on  the  track  to  Jacksonville,  to 
liberate  his  imprisoned  mother  ! 

But  0,  my  daughter  !  no  pen  can  delineate  thy  sorrow,  to 
find  thy  mother  gone  !  perhaps  forever  gone  I  from  thy  com- 
panionship, counsel,  care  and  sympathy  !  She  wept  both 
night  and  day,  almost  unceasingly ;  and  her  plaintive  moans 
could  be  heard  at  quite  a  distance  from  her  home.  "0! 
mother  !  mother  !  mother ! "  was  her  almost  constant,  un- 
ceasing call.  Her  sorrow  almost  cost  her  her  reason  and  her 
life.  And  so  it  was  with  I.  ~W.  He  grieved  himself  into  a 
settled  fever,  which  he  did  but  just  survive  ;  and  during  its 
height,  he  moaned  incessantly  for  his  mother,  not  knowing 
what  he  said  !  His  reason  for  a  time  was  lost  in  delirium. 

But  my  babe,  thank  God  !  was  too  young  to  realize  his 
loss.  For  him,  I  suffered  enough  for  two  human  beings. 

Here  we  leave  these  scenes  of  human  anguish,  to  speak 
one  word  of  comfort  for  the  wives  and  mothers  of  Illinois. 
Conscious  that  there  had  already  been  innocent  victims 
enough  offered  in  sacrifice  on  the  altar  of  injustice,  in  conse- 
quence of  these  cruel  laws  of  Illinois  against  my  ojvn  sex. 
I  determined  to  appeal,  single  handed  and  alone,  if  neces 


MY  JOUKNEY.  51 

sary,  to  their  Legislature,  to  have  them  repealed,  and  there- 
by have  the  personal  liberty  of  married  women  protected  by 
law,  as  well  as  by  the  marital  power.  Consequently,  in  the 
winter  of  1867,  I  came  alone,  and  at  my  own  expense,  from 
Massachusetts  to  Illinois,  and  paid  my  board  all  winter  in 
Springfield,  Illinois,  trying  to  induce  the  Legislature  to  re- 
peal the  barbarous  law  under  which  I  was  imprisoned,  and 
pass  in  its  stead  a  ''Bill  for  the  Protection  of  Personal  Lib- 
erty," which  demands  a  fair  jury  trial  of  every  citizen  of  the 
State,  before  imprisonment  in  any  Insane  Asylum  in  the 
State.  The  Legislature  granted  my  request.  They  repealed 
the  barbarous  law,  and  passed  the  Personal  Liberty  Bill,  by 
an  unanimous  vote  of  both  houses.  So  that  now,  no  wife  or 
mother  in  Illinois  need  fear  the  re-enacting  of  my  sad  drama 
in  her  own  case  ;  for,  thank  God  !  your  personal  liberty  is 
now  protected  by  just  laws. 

Y. 
My  Journey. 

Sheriff  Burgess  left  our  company  at  Kankakee  City,  twelve 
miles  distant  from  Manteno,  where  he  then  resided.  Not 
knowing  at  that  time,  but  that  he  had  the  legal  papers  Dea- 
con Dole  claimed  for  him,  in  taking  leave  of  him  I  thanked 
him  for  the  kind  and  gentlemanly  manner  he  had  discharged 
his  duties,  as  a  Sheriff,  in  this  transaction,  adding,  "You  have 
only  discharged  your  duty,  as  a  Sheriff;  .therefore,  as  a  man, 
I  shall  claim  you  as  my  friend."  And,  six  months  from  this 
date,  when  he  called  upon  me  in  my  Asylum  prison,  and 
inquired  so  kindly  and  tenderly  after  my  comfort  and  sur- 
roundings, I  felt  confirmed  in  my  opinion  that  I  had  not  mis- 
judged him.  Not  long  after  he  died,  but  not  until  after  he 
had  frankly  confessed  his  breach  of  trust,  as  a  public  officer, 
in  this  transaction. 

As  my  wounded  heart  still  sought  the  relief  of  tears,  I  con- 
tinued to  weep  on,  and  at  length  I  ventured  to  express  my 
sincere,  deep  anxiety,  lest  my  children  would  not  be  able  to 


52  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

survive  their  bereavement.  Mr.  Packard  and  Mr.  Dole  then 
both  tried  to  console  me,  by  assuring  me  they  were  left  with 
kind  friends  who  would  take  good  care  of  them,  and  Mr. 
Packard  said  he  had  left  a  written  document  for  each  of  them, 
which  he  thought  would  satisfy  them,  so  that  they  would 
'•'soon  get  over  it !"  0  thought  I  "  soon  get  over  it !"  what 
consolation  !  to  be  told  that  your  children  would  soon  forget 
you  1  Nay,  verily,  I  am  too  indelibly  united  to  their  heart's 
tenderest,  deepest  affections,  to  suffer  an  easy  or  rapid  alien- 
ation. And  so  it  proved — for  three  years  this  cruel  wound 
in  their  sensitive  hearts  remained  unhealed — they  instinctive- 
ly and  persistently  spurned  the  mollient  he  offered  to  heal  it, 
viz  ;  "  their  mother  was  insane,  and  therefore  must  be  locked 
up  for  her  good." 

I  have  been  told  they  would  give  expression  to  their  feel- 
ings in  language  like  the  following,  and  it  being  (so  character- 
istic of  their  natures,  I  have  no  doubt  of  its  truth. 

"  No,"  Georgie  would  say,  "  mother  is  good  enough  now  I 
and  haven't  I  a  right  to  my  mother?" 

"No,"  Elizabeth  would  say,  "mother  is  not  crazy,  and 
you  know  she  is  not — I  do  think  Pa  is  possessed  with  a  devil, 
to  treat  our  good,  dear,  kind  mother  as  he  does.  We  know 
our  dear  mother  is  good,  for  she  never  has  done  anything 
wrong — she  is  kind  to  you,  and  she  is  kind  to  everybody." 

The  natural,  unsophisticated  natures  of  my  children,  ren- 
dered it  very  difficult  for  them  to  see  the  necessity  of  locking 
up  a  person,  while  they  were  doing  good,  and  had  never  done 
any  thing  wrong  ! 

The  philosophy  of  that  kind  of  insanity,  which  required 
this  to  be  done,  was  beyond  their  comprehension.  And  even 
the  maturer  minds  of  my  oldest  sons,  Theophilus,  then  eigh- 
teen, and  I.  W.,  sixteen,  were  equally  slow  in  discovering 
this  necessity.  In  fact,  three  years  was  too  short  a  time  for 
their  father  to  convince  these  children  of  this  painful  necessity. 
At  length,  wearied  with  these  fruitless  efforts  to  get  my 
children  to  sanction  his  cause,  he  finally  resorted  to  the  au- 
.thority  of  the  father  to  silence  them  into  acquiescence  to  his 


MY  JOUKSTEY.  53 

views.  He  therefore  forbade  their  talking  upon  the  subject, 
and  made  it  an  act  of  disobedience  on  their  part,  to  talk  about 
their  mother.  This  taught  them  to  use  hypocrisy  and  deceit, 
for  I.  "W.,  and  Elizabeth  would  watch  their  opportunity,  in 
the  absence  of  their  father,  to  talk  upon  their  favorite  theme, 
and  when  Elizabeth  and  Georgie  could  not  evade  this  order  by 
day,  they  would  take  the  hours  of  sleep  and  talk  in  a  whisper 
about  me,  after  they  had  retired  to  their  bed. 

Another  agency  he  employed  to  wean  them  from  me,  was, 
he  would  not  allow  me  to  be  spoken  of  in  their  presence, 
except  as  an  insane  person,  and  in  terms  of  derision,  ridicule, 
or  contempt.  But  notwithstanding  all  these  combined  agen- 
cies, he  could  not  wean  them  from  me,  or  lessen  their  confi- 
dence in  me,  according  to  his  own  statement,  which  he  mado 
to  Mrs.  Page  on  one  of  his  yearly  visits  to  the  Asylum. 

Some  years  after  this  date  he  said,  "  I  never  saw  children 
so  attached  to  a  mother,  as  Mrs.  Packard's  are  to  her — I  can- 
not by  any  means  wean  them  from  her,  nor  lead  them  to 
disregard  her  authority  in  the  least  thing,  even  now.  I  cannot 
even  induce  them  to  eat  anything  which  they  think  she  would 
disapprove  of.  She  seems  by  some  means,  to  hold  them  to 
obedience  to  her  wishes,  just  as  much  in  her  absence,  as  in  her 
presence.  This  influence  or  power  is  more  than  1  can  under- 
stand." 

Yes,  I  knew  full  well  that  Mr.  Packard  did  not  understand 
the  nature  and  disposition  of  my  children,  and  therefore  I 
felt  unwilling  to  trust  them  with  him.  But  how  could  I  avert 
this  fate?  In  no  way.  I  had  not  chosen  this  separation — 
God's  providence  had  permitted  it  against  my  wishes,  and 
regardless  of  my  prayer  to  the  contrary.  Now,  what  shall 
I  do  ?  Shall  I  murmur  and  complain  at  what  I  can  not  help, 
and  when  I  know  it  will  do  no  good?  or,  must  I  silently  sub- 
mit to  this  inevitable  fate,  and  trust  to  the  future  develop- 
ments of  providence  to  unravel  this  great  mystery  ?  Yes,  I 
must  submit.  I  must  not  complain,  while  at  the  same  time, 
I  have  a  right  to  use  all  suitable  means  for  a  restoration  to 
my  family  and  duties;  therefore  as  the  result  of  this  soliloquy, 


54  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  concluded  to  avail  myself  of  the  advice  given  me  by  my 
Manteno  friends  at  the  depot,  viz  :  "Be  sure,  Mrs.  Packard, 
and  tell  every  one  you  see  that  you  are  on  your  way  to  the 
Insane  Asylum,  and  for  what,  for  possibly  by  this  means,  you 
may  come  in  contact  with  some  influence  that  may  rescue 
you."  Knowing  that  duties  were  mine ;  and  events  God's, 
I  determined  to  dry  up  my  tears  and  address  myself  to  this 
duty. 

I  announced  this  determination  to  Deacon  Dole  in  these 
words  :  "  Mr.  Dole  I  am  not  going  to  cry  any  more.  Cry- 
ing is  not  going  to  help  me.  I  am  going  to  put  on  a  cheerful 
countenance,  and  cultivate  the  acquaintance  of  my  fellow 
travelers,  and  enjoy  my  ride  the  best  I  can.  I  may  as  well 
laugh  as  cry,  for  I  have  as  good  a  right  to  be  happy  as  any 
other  person." 

"  That  is  right,  Sister  Packard  ;  you  have  as  good  a  right 
to  be  happy  as  any  one,  and  I  -am  glad  to  see  you  smile 
again." 

After  exchanging  a  few  remarks  respecting  the  beauty  of 
the  country  through  which  we  were  passing,  and  the  delight- 
fully calm  and  clear  atmosphere,  so  tranquilizing  in  its  influ- 
ence over  one's  disturbed  feelings,  I  looked  about  to  see  who 
were  my  companions,  when  I  met  the  eye  of  a  young  lady,  a 
stranger  to  me,  whose  eyes  seemed  to  fasten  upon  me  with 
such  a  penetrating  look,  that  I  could  hardly  withdraw  my 
own  without  bestowing  upon  her  a  smile  of  recognition. 
Upon  this  she  bent  forward  and  spoke  to  me,  and  extended 
tome  her  hand,  saying,  "I  am  very  sorry  for  you.  I  see 
they  are  carrying  you  to  the  Insane  Asylum,  and  you  do  not 
wish  to  go." 

"  Yes,  that  is  so,  and  I  thank  you  for  your  sympathy;  but 
I  have  concluded  not  to  weep  any  more  about  it,  as  I  shall 
need  all  my  nervous  energies  to  meet  my  fate  with  dignity 
and  self-possession." 

"  But  you  are  not  insane,  why  do  they  put  you  there  ?" 

*'  No,  I  am  not  insane,  but  my  husband  is  trying  to  put  this 
brand  upon  me,  to  destroy  my  moral  influence." 


MY  JOURNEY.  55 

"But  why  does  he  wish  to  destroy  your  influence?" 

"  Because  I  have  defended  some  opinions  in  a  bible  class, 
where  he  is  the  minister,  which  he  can  not  overthrow  by 
argument,  and  now  he  tells  me  he  is  going  to  make  the  world 
believe  that  I  am  insane,  so  that  my  opinions  need  not  be 
believed,  for  he  says  he  must  '  protect  the  cause  of  Christ.'  " 

"  Don't  he  think  it  his  duty  to  protect  his  wife  ?" 

"  He  thinks  it  is  his  duty  to  protect  her  from  injuring  the 
cause  of  Christ,  by  locking  her  up  in  a  prison  1" 

"  I  heard  you  speak  of  your  children  ;  how  many  have  you?" 

"  Six — five  boys  and  one  girl." 

"Six  children  !  and  he,  their  father,  taking  from  them  their 
mother,  simply  because  you  differ  from  him  in  opinion  !  0, 
'tis  too  bad  I  how  I  pity  you  !" 

At  this  point,  she  burst  into  tears,  and  resting  her  head 
upon  the  back  of  my  seat,  she  cried  and- sobbed  until  she  had 
completely  drenched  her  pocket-handkerchief,  when  I  handed 
her  one  of  my  own  and  she  drenched  that  also — "  0,"  she  said, 
"  you  must  not  go !  you  are  too  good  a  woman  to  be  locked 
up  in  an  Insane  Asylum." 

I  tried  to  console  her,  by  telling  her  I  felt  it  would  all  come 
out  right  at  last — that  all  I  had  to  do  was,  to  be  patient  and 
do  right. 

She  then  put  her  arm  around  my  neck  and  kissed  me,  say- 
ing, "How  I  wish  I  could  help  you  !  I  will  do  all  I  can  for 
you."' 

She  then  left  her  seat  and  brought  back  another  lady,  whom 
she  introduced  as  one  who  wished  to  talk  with  me.  Prom 
her  I  learned  that  the  sympathy  of  the  passengers  was  with 
me — that  some  had  thought  of  volunteering  in  my  defence, 
and  this  feeling  was  now  gaining  strength  by  the  influence  of 
my  first  friend's  conversation  amongst  them.  I  saw  groups 
of  gentlemen  evidently  talking  together  about  me — some  con- 
versed with  me,  and  I  had  my  hopes  somewhat  raised  that 
something  would  be  done  t.o  restore  me  to  my  children,  and 
by  the  time  the  cars  reached  Tolono,  I  felt  I  was  amongst 
friends,  instead  of  strangers. 


56  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Mr.  Packard  could  not  but  see  that  the  tide  was  against 
him,  for  he  sat  by  my  side  and  listened  most  attentively  to 
every  word,  and  when  opportunity  presented,  he  aimed  by 
self-vindication  to  counteract  every  hopeful  influence  from 
taking  possession  of  my  mind,  by  such  remarks  as  these,  "You 
say,  wife,  that  the  Lord  prospers  those  whose  ways  please  him; 
now,  judging  by  this  test,  who  is  prospered  in  their  plans,  you 
or  I  ?  you  see  1  succeed  in  all  I  undertake,  while  all  your  ef- 
forts are  defeated.  Now  isn't  the  Lord  on  my  side  ?" 

"The  time  hasn't  come  to  decide  that  question  by  this 
test,  this  is  only  the  beginning,  not  the  end  of  this  sad  drama. 
You  may  be  prospered  by  having  your  way  for  a  time,  only 
to  make  your  defeat  all  the  more  signal  I  do  not  think  it  is 
certain  the  Lord  is  not  on  my  side,  simply  because  I  am  not 
now  delivered  out  of  your  power.  God  has  a  plan  to  be  ac- 
complished, which  requires  all  this  to  take  place  in  order  to 
its  ultimate  success.  But  I  can't  see  what  that  plan  is,  nor 
why  my  sufferings  are  necessary  to  its  accomplishment.  But 
God  does,  and  that  faith  or  trust  in  the  rectitude  of  his  plans, 
keops  my  mind  in  peace  even  now.  Neither  do  I  think  it  is 
certain  the  Lord  is  on  your  side,  because  you  have  been  per- 
mitted to  have  your  own  way  in  getting  me  imprisoned.  The 
end  will  settle  this  question." 

Another  attempt  at  self-vindication  appeared  in  the  follow- 
ing conversation — said  he,  "  You  think  a  great  deal  of  your 
father,  and  that  what  he  does  is  right  ;  now  I  want  to  show 
you  that  he  upholds  me  in  doing  as  I  now  am,  and  approves 
of  the  course  I  am  now  pursuing,  and  here  is  a  letter  from 
your  own  dear  father  confirming  all  I  have  said." 

As  he  said  this,  he  handed  me  an  open  letter  in  my  father's 
own  hand-writing,  saying,  "Here,  read  for  yourself  and  see 
what  your  father  says  about  it." 

"No,"  said  I,  shaking  my  head,  "I  do  not  wish  to  read 
such  a  letter  from  my  father,  for  it  would  be  a  libel  upon  his 
revered  memory.  I  know  too,  that  if  he  has  written  such  a 
letter  a?  you  represent,  he  has  had  a  false  view  of  the  case 
presented  to  him.  My  father  would  never  approve  of  the 


MY  JOURNEY.  67 

course  you  are  pursuing,  if  he  knew  what  the  truth  is  respect- 
ing it.  You  have  told  him  lies  about  me,  or  you  never  would 
have  had  his  approval  in  putting  me  into  an  Asylum." 

Still  he  persistently  urged  me  to  read  the  letter,  so  I  could 
judge  for  myself.  But  I  would  not.  This  was  the  only  kind 
of  consolation  he  attempted  to  offer  me. 

We  dined  at  Tolono,  where  I  had  the  good  fortune  to  be 
seated  by  the  side  of  a  very  intelligent  gentleman,  at  the 
head  of  the  table,  whom  I  afterwards  found  to  be  the  general 
freight  agent,  who  boarded  there  at  that  time.  He  sat  at 
the  end  of  the  table,  I  sat  next  him  on  the  side,  and  Mr. 
Packard  next  to  me.  This  gentleman,  in  a  polite,  gentle- 
manly manner,  drew  me  into  a  free  and  easy  conversation 
with  himself,  wherein  I  freely  avowed  some  of  my  obnoxious 
views,  and  my  progressive  reform  principles,  respecting  the 
laws  of  health,  physical  development,  etc. 

He  expressed  his  high  appreciation  of  my  views  and  prin- 
ciples, and  remarked,  "  These  have  been  exactly  my  views 
for  a  long  time,  and  now  I  am  happy  to  find  one  woman  who 
is  willing  to  endorse  and  defend  them,  and  who  can  do  so 
with  so  much  'ability."  The  entire  attention  of  our  table 
guests  seemed  centered  upon  our  conversation,  for  all  ap- 
peared to  be  silent  listeners,  and  none  seemed  to  be  in  any 
haste  to  withdraw — the  cars  giving  us  ample  time  for  a  full 
and  leisurely  taken  meal.  I  noticed  one  of  the  female 
waiters,  a  very  intelligent  looking  lady,  seemed  almost  to 
forget  her  duties,  so  eager  was  she  to  listen  to  every  word 
of  our  conversation. 

After  retiring  with  my  husband  to  the  sitting  room,  I 
recollected  the  instructions  given  me  to  tell  all  where  I  was 
going,  had  been  disregarded  at  the  table,  where  I  ought  to 
have  replied  to  the  gentleman's  compliment,  by  saying,  "I 
am  happy  to  have  your  approval,  sir,  for  it  is  for  avowing 
these  views  and  principles  that  I  am  called  insane,  and  am 
now  on  my  way  to  Jacksonville,  to  be  entered  as  an  inmate, 
to  suffer  the  penalty  of  indefinite  imprisonment  for  this  daring 
act ;  and  this,  sir,  is  my  husband,  Rev.  Theophilus  Packard, 


58  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

of  Manteno,  who  is  now  attending  me  there."  This  thought 
did  flit  across  my  mind  at  the  table,  but  the  habitual  practice 
I  had  acquired  of  shielding,  instead  of  exposing  my  husband, 
led  me  to  resist  this  suggestion  of  self-defence  and  wise  coun- 
sel. I  saw  now  my  error  in  yielding,  thus  foolishly,  to  this 
feminine  weakness,  and  I,  like  Peter,  went  out,  not  "to  weep 
bitterly,"  but  to  seek  to  make  the  best  atonement  I  could  for 
this  sin.  I  sought  and  found  that  listening  female  waiter, 
and  asked  her  who  that  gentleman  was  with  whom  I  held  my 
conversation  at  the  table.  She  told  me.  "  Will  you  please 
deliver  this  message  to  him?  Tell  him  the  lady  with  whom 
he  conversed  at  the  table  is  Mrs.  Packard,  and  that  the 
gentleman  by  her  side  was  her  husband,  a  minister,  who  is 
taking  her  to  Jacksonville,  to  imprison  her  for  advancing 
such  ideas  as  he  had  so  publicly  endorsed  and  approved  at 
the  table." 

The  woman  looked  at  me  in  amazement,  and  exclaimed, 
"You  are  not  going  into  the  Asylum  !" 

"  Yes,  I  am.     This  very  night  I  shall  be  a  prisoner  there." 

"But  you  must  not  go!  You  shall  not  go!  Come  and 
consult  the  landlady — she  may  hide  you." 

As  she  said  this,  she  took  me  by  the  hand,  and  led  me  to 
an  open  door,  where,  from  the  threshold,  she  introduced  me 
to  a  very  kind  looking  lady,  in  these  words  :  "  This  is  the 
lady  I  told  you  about,  and  her  husband  is  taking  her  to  the 
Insane  Asylum  ;  can't  you  help  her?"  Looking  at  me  for  a 
moment  in  amazement,  she  said  :  "  Yes,  I  will.  Come  with 
me  and  I  will  hide  you." 

"  No,  my  kind  friend,  it  will  be  of  no  avail.  My  husband 
has  the  law  on  his  side,  and  you  can  not  protect  me." 

"But  I  will  try.  You  must  not  go  into  an  Insane  Asylum. 
Come  !  and  I  will  shield  you." 

As  she  said  this  she  extended  to  me  her  hand,  while  the 
tears  of  real  sympathy  were  coursing  down  her  cheek.  I 
replied,  "0  !  sister,  I  thank  you  for  your  kindness  and  sym- 
pathy. But  don't  distress  yourself  for  me.  I  shall  be  sus- 
tained. I  feel  that  God's  providence  overrules  all,  and  I 


MY  RECEPTION.  59 

know  God  will  take  care  of  me  and  my  children."  Just 
as  I  finished  this  sentence,  Mr.  Packard  stood  by  my  side, 
and  he  with  a  most  respectful  bow  said,  "  Wife,  will  you  go 
with  me  to  the  parlor?"  I  quietly  took  his  arm,  and  bowing 
to  my  would  be  protector,  walked  with  him  to  the  parlor, 
where  I  remained  seated  by  his  side  until  the  cars  arrived, 
when  I  took  his  arm  and  went  into  them,  and  we  were  again 
on  our  way  to  Jacksonville.  Here  I  met  again  my  valiant 
female  defender,  who  informed  me  that  her  advisers  had  de- 
cided that  there  was  no  way  to  rescue  me  from  my  husband's 
hands  ;  but  that  it  was  certain  that  a  lady  like  myself  would 
De  retained  at  the  Asylum  but  a  very  short  time,  and  would 
soon  be  restored  to  my  children  and  liberty  again.  After 
thanking  her  most  cordially,  for  her  help  and  sympathy,  we 
kissed  and  parted,  never  to  meet  again,  unless  in  the  un- 
known future.  Now  my 'last  hope  died  within  me,  and  as 
the  gloomy  walls  of  my  prison  could  be  but  indistinctly  defined 
by  the  gray  twilight  of  a  summer  evening,  I  held  on  to  my 
husband's  arm,  as  he  guided  my  footsteps  up  the  massive 
stone  steps,  into  my  dreary  prison,  where  by  lamplight  he 
introduced  me  to  Dr.  Tenny,  the  Assistant  Superintendent, 
to  be  conducted  by  him  to  my  lonely,  solitary  cell. 


VI. 
My  Reception. 

Yes,  here  within  these  prison  walls,  my  husband  and  I 
parted,  as  companions,  forever — he  was  escorted  to  the  "guest 
chamber,"  while  I,  his  constant  companion  of  twenty-one 
years,  was  entrusted  to  the  hands  of  my  prison  keeper  to  be 
led  by  hirn  to  find  my  bed  and  lodging,  he  knew  not  where, 
and  to  be  subject  to  insults,  he  knew  not  what. 

While  he  was  resting  on  his  wide,  capacious,  soft,  luxurious 
bed,  in  the  stately  airy  apartment  of  the  Asylum  guests,  he 
did  not  know  that  the  only  place  of  repose  provided  for  his 


60  THE  PKISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

weary  wife  was  a  hard  narrow  settee,  with  no  soft  pillows  to 
rest  her  weary  head  upon.  But  he  did  know  I  had  no  darling 
babe  at  my  side,  but,  solitary  and  alone  I  must  compose  my- 
self to  sleep,  not  knowing  at  what  hour  of  the  night  my  room 
might  be  entered,  nor  by  whom,  or  for  what  purpose — for  the 
key  of  my  room  was  no  longer  in  my  own,  nor  my  husband's 
hands,  but  in  the  hands  of  stranger  men,  and  his  wife  entirely 
at  their  mercy. 

Yes,  this  is  all  the  protection  I  got  from  the  one,  for  whom 
I  left  all  to  love,  cherish  and  make  happy,  in  return  for  his 
promised  protection,  with  all  the  trusting  confidence  of  wo- 
man. 1  never  doubted  but  he  would  protect  my  virtue  and 
my  innocence.  Yes,  I  trusted  too,  he  would  be  the  protector 
of  my  right  of  maternity  also,  for  the  dear  children  I  had 
borne  him.  0,  could  I  sleep  amid  these  turbid  waters,  whose 
surging  billows  so  mercilessly  swept  over  my  soul  thoughts 
such  as  these?  But  one  thought  there  was,  more  dreadful  to  my 
sensitive  feelings  than  all  others — now  these  dear  children, 
these  dear  fragments  of  myself,  must  even  bear  the  dismal, 
dreadful  taint,  of  hereditary  insanity,  for  their  mother  now 
lodges  amid  the  hated  walls  of  an  Insane  Asylum,  as  an  in- 
mate, and  Oh  !  to  whom  can  their  mother  now  look  for  pro- 
tection ?  To  whom  shall  I  make  complaint  if  insulted  ?  Oh, 
to  whom?  I  can  not  write  a  letter  unless  it  is  inspected  by 
my  men  keepers.  "Why  is  this?  Is  it  because  they  intend 
to  insult  me,  and  deprive  me  of  my  post-office  rights  to  shield 
and  hide  their  own  guilt?  But  can  I  not  hand  a  letter  clan- 
destinely to  the  Trustees,  as  they  pass  through  ?  If  I  could  do 
such  a  thing,  and  entered  a  charge  against  their  Superintend- 
ent, would  this  be  hee;ded?  "Would  not  this  Superintendent 
deny  the  truth,  and  defend  his  lie  by  the  plea,  that  his  accuser 
is  insane,  and  this  is  only  one  of  the  fancies  of  her  diseased 
brain  ? 

Yes,  yes,  there  is  no  man,  woman,  or  child  or  law,  who 
now  can  care  for  my  soul,  or  protect  my  virtue.  And  yet, 
while  I  am  an  American  citizen,  lam  excluded,  without  trial 
from  society,  and  then  denied  any  protection  by  law  of  one 


MY  FIRST  DAY.  61 

of  my  inalienable  rights.  I  am  not  only  outlawed,  but  I  am 
absolutely  denied  all  and  every  means  of  self-defence,  no  mat- 
ter how  criminal,  nor  how  aggravated  the  offence  may  be. 

My  womanly  nature  does  call  for,  and  need  some  refuge  to 
flee  to,  either  to  the  law,  or  to  man.  But  here,  I  have  neith- 
er. Should  my  keeper  chance  to  be  a  bad  man,  1  have  no 
refuge  but  my  God  to  flee  too — therefore,  into  Thy  hands  do 
I  commit  my  body  for  safe  keeping  this  night.  My  spirit, 
and  the  future  of  my  earthly  destiny,  I  have  long  since  com- 
mitted to  Thy  care,  and  now  protect  my  body  from  harm,  and 
give  me  the  sleep  my  tired  nature  needs,  and  thus  prepare 
me  to  bear  the  trials  of  to-morrow,  as  well  as  I  have  those  of 
to-day,  and  Thou  shalt  have  the  honor  of  delivering  me  from 
the  power  of  my  adversaries.  May  no  sin  be  ever  suffered  to 
have  dominion  over  me. 

With  these  thoughts,  I  fell  into  a  quiet  sleep,  from  which  I 
awoke  not  until  the  morning  of  my  first  day  in  the  Asylum 
dawned  upon  me. 


TIL 
My  First  Day  of  Prison  life. 

At  an  early  hour,  I  arose  from  my  settee-bed,  first  kneeled 
before  it,  and  thanked  my  kind  Father  in  Heaven  for  the  re- 
freshing sleep  I  had  enjoyed,  and  asked  for  sustaining  grace 
for  the  duties  of  the  day.  To  prepare  myself  for  these  duties 
I  took  my  sponge  bath,  as  usual,  since  Mrs.  De  La  Hay,  my 
attendant,  had,  at  my  request,  furnished  me  a  bowl  from  her 
own  room,  towels,  etc.,  so  that  I  could  take  my  bath  in  my 
room,  as  this  had  long  been  a  habit,  I  very  much  wished  to  re- 
tain while  there.  I  soon  found  that  she  had  especially  favor- 
ed me  in  granting  this  request,  since  it  is  the  general  custom 
there,  to  have  all  the  ladies  perform  their  morning  ablutions 
in  the  bath  room,  and  I  could  not  learn  that  any,  except  my 
attendant,  approved  of  washing  all  over,  daily  in  cold  water, 


62  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

as  I  did.  And,  as  a  general  thing,  their  toilet  had  to  be  pre- 
pared before  the  same  common  mirror  in  the  bath  room. 
Therefore  I  requested  Mr.  Packard  to  furnish  my  room  with 
a  bowl,  and  pitcher,  and  a  mirror,  which  he  accordingly  did, 
and  before  another  night,  I  had  a  bed  prepared  like  the  other 
prisoners,  which  was  a  comfortable,  narrow  mattress  bed,  on 
a  narrow  bedstead.  Mrs.  De  La  Hay  had  done  the  best  she 
could  the  night  before,  to  accommodate  me,  since  the  beds  in 
the  Seventh  ward  were  all  occupied  when  I  arrived. 

After  finishing  my  toilet  in  my  room,  with  the  aid  of  my 
own  brushes  and  combs  and  small  mirror,  which  my  traveling 
basket  contained,  I  was  invited  out  to  my  breakfast  with  the 
other  prisoners.  At  my  request  my  attendants  introduced 
me  to  my  companions,  most  of  whom  returned  my  salutation 
with  lady  like  civility.  Our  fare  was  very  plain  and  coarse, 
consisting  almost  entirely  of  bolted  bread  and  meat,  and  tea 
and  coffee.  But  as  I  drank  neither  tea  nor  coffee,  I  found  it 
rather  dry  without  any  kind  of  vegetables,  not  even  pota- 
toes, and  sauce  or  fruits  of  any  kind.  As  my  diet  had  con- 
sisted of  Graham  bread,  fruits  and  vegetables,  to  a  great 
extent,  I  felt  quite  apprehensive  lest  my  health  would  ma- 
terially suffer  from  so  great  a  change.  Mr.  Packard  did  not, 
however,  now  seem  to  care  any  more  what  his  wife  had  to 
eat,  than  where  she  had  to  sleep,  for  so  long  as  he  stayed  at 
the  Asylum  he  was  the  table  guest  of  Dr.  McFarland,  whose 
table  was  always  spread  with  the  most  tempting  viands  and 
luxuries  the  season  or  the  markets  could  afford.  Mr.  Packard 
did  not  even  allow  me  the  honor  of  an  invitation  to  sit  with 
him  at  this  table  ;  although  the  night  before,  a  special  meal 
had  to  be  ordered  for  us  both,  he  took  his  at  the  Doctor's 
table,  while  I  had  to  be  sent  to  the  ward,  to  eat  my  warm 
biscuits  and  butter  there  alone. 

I  felt  these  indignities,  these  neglects,  these  inattentions, 
just  as  any  other  affectionate,  sensitive  wife  would  naturally 
feel  under  such  circumstances.  But,  for  twenty-one  years 
I  had  been  schooling  myself  to  keep  under  subjection  to  my 
reason  and  conscience,  the  manifestation  of  those  indignant 


MY  FIRST  DAY.  63 

emotions  which  are  the  natural,  spontaneous  feelings  which 
such  actions  must  inevitably  germinate  in  a  true,  confiding 
wife.  Therefore  I  made  no  manifestation  of  them  under 
these  provocations.  At  a  very  early  period  in  my  married 
life,  had  I  learned  the  sad  truth  that  it  was  impossible  for 
Mr.  Packard  to  appreciate  or  understand  my  womanly  nature; 
therefore  I  had  habituated  myself  to  the  exercise  of  charitable 
feelings  towards  him  in  my  interpretation  of  such  manifes- 
tations. I  had  tried  to  school  myself  to  believe  that  his 
heart  was  not  so  much  at  fault  as  his  education,  and  there- 
fore, I  could  sincerely  pray  the  Lord  to  forgive  him,  for  he 
knows  not  what  he  does — he  does  not  know  how  to  treat  a 
woman.  I  knew  that  the  least  manifestation  of  these  indig- 
nant emotions  would  be  misconstrued  by  him  into  feelings  of 
anger,  instead  of  a  natural,  praiseworthy  resentment  of 
wrong  doing.  And  the  laudable  manifestation  of  these 
feelings  under  such  circumstances,  would  tend  to  lessen, 
instead  of  increasing  my  self-respect.  He  held  me  in  such 
relation  towards  himself  as  my  father  did  towards  himself, 
so  that  any  resistance  of  his  authority  was  attended  with  the 
same  feeling  of  guilt  which  I  would  have  felt  in  resisting  my 
father's  authority.  And  I,  like  a  natural  child,  had  always 
felt  an  almost  reverential  respect  for  my  father's  authority, 
and  nothing  to  me  seemed  a  greater  sin  than  an  act  of  diso- 
bedience to  his  commands  ;  my  conscience  even  demanded 
that  I  yield  unquestioning  submission  to  even  the  denial  of 
my  most  fondly  cherished  hopes  and  anticipations. 

Mr.  Packard  had  been  introduced  into  our  family  when  I 
was  but  ten  years  old,  and  he  had  been  my  father's  ministerial 
companion  for  eleven  years,  and  when  I  married  him  he  had 
been  my  lover  or  suitor  for  only  a  few  months.  Previous  to 
this  time  I  had  only  looked  upon  him  as  my  father's  com- 
panion and  guest,  but  never  as  even  a  social  companion  of 
his  daughter,  who  had  always  been  taught  to  be  a  silent 
listener  to  her  father's  social  guests. 

This  parental  training  of  reverential  feeling  towards 
father's  ministerial  guests,  had  capacitated  me  to  become  an 


64  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

unresisting  victim  to  Mr.  Packard's  marital  power  or  author- 
ity. And  as  Mr.  Packard's  education  had  led  him  to  feel 
that  this  marital  authority  was  the  foundation  stone  of  the 
marriage  union,  he,  of  course,  conscientiously  claimed,  what 
I  was  too  willing  to  grant,  viz  :  subjection  to  his  will  and 
wishes. 

But  undeveloped  as  I  then  was,  my  true  nature  instinctively 
revolted  at  this  principle  as  wrong  ;  but  wherein,  it  was  then 
difficult  for  me  to  demonstrate,  even  to  my  own  satisfaction. 
But  I  can  now  see  that  my  nature  was  only  claiming  its  just 
rights,  by  this  instinctive  resistance  to  this  marital  authority. 
It  was  the  protection  of  my  identity  or  individuality  which  I 
was  thus  claiming  from  my  husband,  instead  of  its  subjection, 
as  he  claimed.  The  parental  authority,  I  admit,  has  a  sub- 
jective claim,  to  a  degree  ;  but  the  marital  has  only  the 
authority  of  protection.  I  believe  that  the  moment  a  hus- 
band begins  to  subject  his  wife,  that  moment  the  fundamental 
law  of  the  marriage  union  is  violated.  Both  parties  are 
injured  by  this  act — the  husband  has  taken  the  first  step 
towards  tyranny,  and  the  injured  wife  has  inevitably  taken 
her  first  step  towards  losing  her  natural  feeling  of  reverence 
towards  her  husband.  Slavish  fear  is  conjugal  love's  antag- 
onistic foe — the  purest  and  most  devoted  woman's  love 
vanishes  before  it,  as  surely  as  the  gentle  dew  vanishes 
before  the  sun's  burning  rays.  Fortify  this  love  ever  so 
strongly,  this  principle  of  slavish  subjection  will  undermine 
and  overthrow  the  most  impenetrable  fortresses,  and  take 
the  victim  captive  at  its  will.  So  had  my  conjugal  love 
been  led  into  a  most  unwilling  captivity  by  my  husband's 
tyranny,  and  all  the  charitable  framework  which  woman's 
forgiving  nature  could  throw  around  it,  could  not  prevent 
this  captivity,  nor  redeem  the  precious  captive,  so  long  as  the 
tyranny  of  subjection  claimed  its  victim  !  But  to  the  triumph 
of  God's  grace  I  can  say  it,  that  during  these  twenty-one 
years  of  spiritual  captivity,  I  do  not  know  that  I  ever  spoke 
a  disrespectful  word  to  my  husband.  I  endured  the  soul 
agonies  of  this  blighting,  love  strangling  process  silently, 


MY  FIRST  DAY.  65 

and  for  the  most  part  uncomplainingly.  I  could,  and  cheer- 
fully did  do  my  duty  to  this  usurper,  as  I  would  have  done 
to  a  husband.  But  these  duties  had  to  bo  done  from  the 
dictates  of  settled  principle,  rather  than  from  the  impulse  of 
true  conjugal  love. 

I  hope  my  impulsive  readers  will  now  be  prepared  to  un- 
derstand that  it  is  not  because  I  did  not  feel  these  insults 
that  I  did  not  resent  them ;  but  I  had  not  then  reached  that 
stage  of  womanly  development  where  I  had  the  moral  cour- 
age to  defend  myself  by  asserting  my  own  rights.  This 
stage  of  growth  was  indeed  just  dawning  upon  me  ;  but  0  1 
the  dense  clouds  attending  this  dawning  of  my  individual 
existence  !  I  had  indeed  practically  asserted  one  of  these 
inalienable  rights,  by  not  yielding  my  conscience  and  opinion 
to  the  dictates  of  creeds  or  church  tyranny.  Yes,  I  had 
maintained  my  rights  of  conscience  in  defiance  of  the  marital 
power  also.  And  this,  too,  had  been  the  very  hinge  on  which 
my  reputation  for  sanity  had  been  suspended.  As  Mr. 
Packard  expressed  himself,  "Never  before  had  Elizabeth 
persistently  resisted  his  will  or  wishes — a  few  kind  words 
and  a  little  coaxing  would  always  before  set  her  right ;  but 
now  she  seems  strangely  determined  to  have  her  own  way, 
and  it  must  be  she  is  insane." 

Thus  in  my  first  struggle  after  my  independence,  I  lost  my 
personal  liberty.  Sad  beginning  !  Had  it  not  been  better  for 
me  to  submit  to  oppression  and  spiritual  bondage,  rather  than 
have  attempted  to  break  the  fetters  of  marital  and  religious 
despotism  !  No,  I  cannot  feel  that  I  have  done  either  myself, 
or  others,  the  least  wrong,  in  the  course  I  have  thus  far  taken  ; 
therefore  I  have  no  recantations  to  make,  and  can  give  no 
pledges  of  future  subjection  to  either  of  these  powers,  where 
their  claims  demand  the  surrender  of  my  conscience  to  their 
dictation.  And  this  is  what  they  call  my  insanity,  and  for 
which  I  was  sent  to  the  Asylum  to  be  cured.  I  think  it  will 
be  a  long  time  before  this  cure  will  be  effected.  God  grant 
me  the  quietude  of  patient  endurance,  come  what  will,  in  the 
stand  I  have  taken. 


66  THE  PRISONEE'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"While  these,  and  similar  reflections  were  passing  through 
my  mind,  the  door  of  rny  cell  was  opened  by  a  fine  looking 
gentleman  in  company  with  Mr.  Packard,  to  whom  he  intro- 
duced me,  as  Dr.  McFarland,  the  Superintendent.  He  had 
but  just  returned  from  a  journey  East,  so  that  Dr.  Tenny, 
the  Assistant,  received  me.  Dr.  McFarland  politely  invited 
me  to  accompany  them  to  the  "reception  room."  I  gladly 
accepted  this  invitation  to  be  restored  to  the  civilities  of 
civilization,  even  temporarily.  I  seated  myself  upon  the 
sofa  by  Mr.  Packard's  side,  and -the  Doctor- took  the  big 
rocking  chair,  directly  in  front  of  us,  and  opened  an  interest- 
ing and  pleasant  conversation,  by  narrating  incidents  of  his 
eastern  journey.  In  a  very  easy  and  polite  manner  he  led 
on  the  conversation  to  other  points  and  topics  of  interest  at 
the  present  day,  and  finally  to  the  progressive  ideas  of  the 
age,  even  to  religion  and  politics.  He  very  gallantly  allowed 
me  a  full  share  of  the  time  to  express  my  own  thoughts, 
while  Mr.  Packard  sat  entirely  speechless. 

As  the  tone  and  spirit  of  the  conversation  rendered  it 
proper,  I  recollect  I  made  a  remark  something  like  this  :  "I 
don't  know  why  it  is,  Doctor,  it  may  be  merely  a  foolish 
pride  which  prompts  the  feeling,  but  I  can't  help  feeling  an 
instinctive  aversion  to  being  called  insane.  There  seems  to 
be  a  kind  of  disparagement  of  intellect  attending  this  idea, 
which  seems  to  stain  the  purity  and  darken  the  lustre  of  the 
reputation  forever  after." 

"  No,  Mrs.  Packard,  this  is  not  necessarily  so  ;  even  some 
of  the  most  renowned  and  gifted  minds  in  the  world  have  been 
insane,  and  their  reputations  and  characters  are  still  revered 
and  respected,  such  as  Cowper  and  Tasso,  the  greatest  poets 
in  the  world,  and  many  others." 

I  made  no  plea  of  defence  in  favor  of  my  sanity,  and  par- 
ticularly avoided  any  disparaging  or  criminating  remarks 
respecting  Mr.  Packard,  but  simply  let  the  conversation  take 
the  direction  the  Doctor  dictated.  But,  as  I  then  thought 
fortunately  for  me,  he  introduced  no  topic  where  I  felt  at 
any  loss  what  to  say,  to  keep  up  an  intelligent  interchange 


MY  FIRST  DAY.  67 

of  thought  and  expression.  In  short,  this  interview  of  an 
hour  or  more,  was  to  me  a  feast  of  reason  and  a  flow  of  soul, 
and  it  seemed  to  be  equally  so  to  the  Doctor,  unless  my 
womanly  instincts  very  much  deceived  me.  When  I.  was 
returned  to  my  ward,  and  behind  the  fatal  dead  lock,  dining 
with  the  insane,  I  must  confess  I  did  feel  more  out  of  my 
proper  place,  than  I  did  while  in  the  reception  room  of  refined 
society. 

After  noticing  the  manner  in  which  the  institution  was 
conducted  for  the  three  succeeding  years,  I  found  that  the 
interview  I  had  had  with  the  Doctor  was  a  most  uncommon 
occurrence.  Indeed,  I  never  knew  of  a  single  instance 
where  any  other  patient  ever  had  so  fair  an  opportunity  of 
self-representation,  by  a  personal  interview  upon  their  re- 
ception into  the  Asylum,  as  he  had  thus  allowed  me.  They 
are  usually  taken,  forthwith,  from  their  friends  in  the  recep- 
tion room,  and  led  directly  into  the  ward,  as  Dr.  Tenny  had 
done  by  me  the  night  before.  But  unlike  my  case  afterwards, 
there  they  were  left  to  remain  indefinitely,  so  far  as  an 
interview  with  the  Doctor  was  concerned.  Many  patients 
were  received  and  discharged,  while  I  was  there,  who  never 
had  five  minutes  conversation  with  the  Doctors  while  in  the 
Asylum.  Often  the  new  arrival  would  come  to  me  and 
inquire,  "  When  am  I  to  have  an  examination?"  I  would 
reply,  "  You  never  have  an  examination  after  you  get  here, 
for  the  Doctor  receives  you  on  the  representation  of  those 
who  want  you  should  stay  here." 

"But  I  never  had  any  examination  before  I  came,  and 
even  did  not  know  where  I  was  being  brought,  until  I  got 
here,  and  then  my  friends  told  me  I  should  have  an  examina- 
tion after  I  arrived." 

"  I  believe  you  are  speaking  the  truth ;  for  public  senti- 
ment seems  to  allow,  that  one  whom  any  one  wishes  to  regard 
as  insane,  may  be  deceived  and  lied  to  to  any  extent  with 
impunity ;  and  besides,  the  blinded  public  generally  sup- 
pose that  the  inmates  do  all  have  to  pass  an  examination 
here  before  they  are  received,  which  is  not  the  fact.  They 


68  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

take  it  for  granted  that  all  are  of  course  insane,  or  they 
would  not  be  brought  here,  as  Dr.  Tenny  said  of  me  to  Mrs. 
"Waldo,  in  reply  to  her  inquiry,  '  Dr.  Tenny,  do  you  call 
Mrs.  Packard  an  insane  person?'  'Of  course  I  do,  or  she 
would  not  be  brought  here,'  was  his  reply.  And  then  the 
outsiders  say,  'Of  course  they  are  insane,  or  they  would  not 
have  been  received.'  Thus  our  insanity  is  demonstrated 
beyond  a  question  !" 

After  dinner  I  saw  from  the  grated  window  of  my  cell,  the 
Asylum  carriage  drive  up  in  front  of  the  steps,  when  Mr. 
Packard  was  politely  handed  in,  and  the  carriage  drove  off. 
Upon  inquiry,  I  found  he  had  gone  to  ride,  to  see  the  beauties 
of  the  scenery  about  Jacksonville,  and  the  public  buildings 
and  handsome  residences.  "Oh,"  thought  I,  "why  could  ho 
not  have  invited  me  to  ride  with  him  ?  And  how  could  ho 
seek  comfort  for  himself,  while  he  left  his  wife  a7nid  scenes 
of  such  wretchedness?" 

Not  long  after,  my  attendant  came  to  my  room  and  invited 
me  to  take  a  walk.  I  most  gladly  accepted  the  invitation, 
struggling  and  panting  as  my  spirit  was,  for  freedom  ;  and  I 
found  that  the  pure  air  alone  exerted  an  exhilerating  influ- 
ence over  my  feelings,  and  I  with  another  prisoner,  proposed 
to  walk  about  the  buildings,  to  see  the  grounds,  etc. 

But  we  soon  found  ourselves  followed  by  our  watchful  at- 
tendant, to  see  if  we  were  not  trying  to  run  off  I  "Oh," 
said  I,  "is  this  the  vigilance  that  I  am  subjected  to?  Is 
there  no  more  freedom  outside  of  our  bolts  and  bars,  than 
within  them?  Are  we  not  allowed  to  be  paroled  like  prison- 
ers? No,  no.  No  parole  of  honor  is  allowed  these  prisoners, 
for  not  one  moment  are  we  allowed  to  be  out  of  sight  and 
hearing  of  our  vigilant  attendant.  And  these  are  the  walks 
and  circumscribed  limits  Mr.  Packard  has  assigned  his  wife, 
while  he  can  roam  where  he  pleases,  with  none  to  molest  or 
make  him  afraid." 

It  is  my  opinion  that  this  institution  receives  and  retains 
many  sane  persons,  of  whose  sanity  Dr.  McFarland  is  as  well 
assured  as  he  was  of  my  own.  I  do  believe  that  ho  became 


PARTING  SCENE.  69 

fully  convinced  in  his  heart  that  I  was  not  insane,  before  our 
interview  terminated  ;  but  since  I  had  been  already  received 
by  his  assistant,  he  did  not  like  to  revoke  his  decision  so  ab- 
ruptly as  to  return  me  directly  into  my  husband's  hands ; 
neither  did  he  wish  to  disappoint  the  wishes  nor  thwart  the 
plans  of  a  very  respectable  and  popular  minister  of  high 
standing  in  the  Presbyterian  church,  for  by  this  act  he  might 
possibly  alienate  some  popular  influences  from  his  support; 
and  one  other  thought  may  have  had  some  influence  over  this 
decision  (and  will  not  my  reader  pardon  my  vanity  if  I  men- 
tion it  ?)  namely,  I  think  the  intelligent  Doctor  thought  he 
would  like  to  become  better  acquainted  with  me.  By  thus 
retaining  me  for  a  few  days,  he  felt  that  I  could  then  be  re- 
turned to  the  satisfaction  of  all  parties.  His  subsequent 
polite  attentions,  and  the  remark  he  made  to  me  at  one  of 
these  interviews,  viz  :  "  Mrs.  Packard,  you  will  not  remain 
here  many  days,"  in  connection  with  a  remark  he  made  Mrs. 
Judge  Thomas,  of  Jacksonville,  respecting  me,  has  led  me 
to  feel  that  I  did  not  then  misjudge  him.  The  remark  was 
this,  "Mrs.  Thomas,  we  have  a  very  remarkable  patient  now 
in  our  Asylum.  It  is  a  Mrs.  Packard,  a  clergyman's  wife, 
from  Massachusetts.  She  has  a  high  order  of  talent,  has  a 
very  superior  education,  is  polished  and  refined  in  her  man- 
ners, having  ever  moved  in  the  best  society,  and  is  the  most 
intelligent  lady  I  ever  saw.  I  think  you  would  like  to  make 
her  acquaintance." 

Till. 
The  Parting  Scene. 

The  next  day  I  had  a  brief  interview  with  the  Doctor 
alone  in  my  room,  which  was  very  pleasant  and  satisfactory 
to  me — that  is,  I  thought  he  could  not  think  I  was  an  insane 
person,  therefore  I  had  a  little  ray  of  hope  to  cling  to,  as 
Mr.  Packard  had  not  yet  left.  Dr.  McFarland  did  not  ex- 
change a  word  with  me  upon  this  subject.  But  this  dying 
hope  was  destined  very  soon  to  go  out  in  utter  darkness. 


70  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

About  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  Mr.  Packard  came  the 
second  time  to  my  room,  and  as  he  had  allowed  me  to  be  in 
his  company  only  during  the  interview  I  had  with  the  Doctor, 
during  the  two  days  and  nights  he  had  been  in  the  Asylum, 
I  felt  it  to  be  a  privilege  to  accept  of  his  invitation  to  go  to 
the  reception  room  and  have  a  talk  with  him  there.  I  ac- 
cordingly took  his  arm,  without  its  being  offered,  and  walked 
out  of  the  hall.  As  we  passed  on  I  heard  some  one  remark, 
"  See  I  that  lady  is  not  alienated  from  her  husband.  See  how 
kindly  she  takes  her  husband's  arm." 

I  seated  myself  by  his  side  on  the  sofa,  when  he  said,  "  I 
am  going  to  leave  for  Manteno  in  about  one  hour,  and  I  did 
not  know  but  that  you  would  like  to  have  a  talk  with  me 
before  Heft." 

"  Then  you  are  determined  to  leave  your  wife  in  an  Insane 
Asylum.  O,  husband  I  how  can  you  do  so  ?"  I  then  burst 
into  tears. 

"I  hoped  we  should  have  a  pleasant  interview  before  we 
parted." 

"Pleasant!  how  could  it  be  pleasant  to  leave  me  in  such 
a  place  ?  and  do  you  think  it  will  be  pleasant  for  me  to  be 
left?  Only  think  of  those  dear  little  motherless  children  !" 

"I  shall  see  that  they  are  well  taken  care  of." 

"  But  you  can  not  give  them  a  mother's  care.  0,  how  can 
my  children  live  without  their  mother ;  and  how  can  I  live 
without  my  children?" 

As  this  strong  maternal  feeling  of  my  nature  came  welling 
up  into  such  a  high  pitch  of  intensity,  it  seemed  as  if  my  heart 
would  burst  with  anguish,  at  this  hitherto  unaccepted  thought. 
I  arose,  and  with  my  handkerchief  to  my  face,  I  walked  the 
room  back  an'd  forth,  at  the  same  time,  begging  and  pleading 
in  the  most  plaintive,  expressive  terras,  that  he  would  com- 
mute my  sentence  of  banishment,  so  far  as  not  to  separate  me 
from  my  children.  0,  do  be  entreated  in  some  way,  to  allow 
me  this  one  favor,  and  my  grateful,  thankful  heart  will  bless 
you  forever.  0,  it  will  kill  me  to  be  separated  from  those 
dear  ones.  My  babe  !  0,  what  will  become  of  him  ;  and  what 


PASTING  SCENE.  71 

will  become  of  me,  without  my  babe?  0,  husband,  do  !  do  ! 
let  me  return  with  you  to  my  children  !  You  know  I  have 
always  been  a  kind  and  faithful  mother,  and  wife  too,  and  now 
how  can  you  treat  me  so  ?" 

For  sometime  I  walked  the  room,  giving  utterance  to  such, 
and  similar  expressions,  without  raising  my  eyes,  or  noticing 
the  effect  my  plea  was  having  upon  him  ;  but  after  a  long 
pause,  and  vainly  watching  for  his  reply  for  some  time,  I  look- 
ed up  to  see  why  he  did  not  speak  to  me,  when  lo  !  what  did 
I  see  ?  My  husband,  sound  asleep  on  the  sofa,  nodding  his 
head. 

In  astonishment,  I  indignantly  exclaimed,  "  0  husband  ! 
are  you  asleep  ?  (Jan  you  sleep,  when  your  wife  is  in  such 
agony?"  The  emphatic  tones  of  my  voice  brought  him  back 
to  consciousness,  when  he  raised  his  head,  and  opening  his 
eyes,  replied,  "I  can't  keep  awake  ;  I  have  been  broke  of  my 
rest !" 

"'I  see  it  is  of  no  use  to  say  any  thing  more — it  will  avail 
nothing.  "We  may  as  well  part  now  as  ever."  Saying  this, 
I  walked  up  to  him  and  extended  to  him  my  hand,  arid  as  I 
did  so,  I  said,  "  Farewell,  husband,  forever  !  may  our  next 
meeting  be  in  the  spirit  land  ;  and  if  there  you  find  yourself 
in  need  of  help  to  rise  to  a  higher  plane,  remember  there  is 
one  spirit  in  the  universe,  who  is  willing  to  descend  to  any 
depth  of  misery,  to  help  you  on  to  a  higher  plane,  if  this  can 
be  done — and  this  spirit  is  your  Elizabeth.  Farewell,  hus- 
band, forever  1" 

"  I  am  sorry  to  hear  you  talk  so  ;  I  hoped  we  should  have  a 
pleasant  parting." 

This  was  our  parting  scene. 

Now  let  me  introduce  to  my  reader,  a  scene  in  the  Doctor's 
office,  which  succeeded  this.  Leaving  me  in  the  reception 
room,  he  repaired  to  the  office,  to  take  his  leave  of  the  Doctor. 
Now  it  was  his  turn  to  cry.  Availing  himself  of  this  right, 
he  now  burst  into  a  flood  of  tears,  which  so  choked  his  utter- 
ance, it  was  some  minutes  before  he  could  articulate  at  all, 
when  he  at  length  exclaimed,  "  How  I  pity  my  wife  I  How 


72  THE  PRISONER  S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

hard  it  is  to  leave  her  here  !  0,  if  I  only  were  not  obliged  to 
do  so,  how  gladly  would  I  take  her  home.  She  is  such  a  good 
wife,  how  can  I  part  with  her?  But  I  must  do  so,  hard  as  it 
is,  for  her  good."  Thus  he  went  on,  acting  this  part  of  the 
drama  to  perfection.  Indeed,  so  well,  and  adroitly  did  he  act 
the  husband,  that  the  intelligent  Doctor  McFarland  himself, 
was  deluded  into  the  belief  that  he  was  sincere,  and  that  these 
were  the  tears  of  true  sorrow  and  affection.  Alluding  to  this 
scene  months  afterwards,  he  remarked,  "  I  never  saw  a  man 
so  deeply  afflicted,  and  even  heart-broken,  as  Mr.  Packard 
was,  at  parting  with  you.  He  was  the  most  heart-broken 
man  I  ever  saw.  If  ever  a  man  manifested  true  affection  for 
his  wife,  it  was  Mr.  Packard." 

Yes,  he  so  completely  psychologised  the  Doctor  into  the 
feeling  that  he  loved  me  most  devotedly,  and  was  compelled 
in  spite  of  himself,  to  incarcerate  me,  that  the  Doctor  felt 
certain  there  had  been  a  justifiable  cause  for  my  having  been 
brought  there. 

Satisfied  that  his  work  was  now  well  done,  he  took  his 
leave  of  the  Doctor,  and  his  tears  at  the  same  time,  and  with 
a  light  heart  and  quick  step,  passed  out  on  to  the  porch,  where 
he  stopped  to  give  me  one  look  of  satisfied  delight,  that  he 
had  finally  completely  triumphed,  in  getting  me  imprisond  be- 
yond all  hope  of  deliverance.  Never  had  I  seen  his  face  more 
radiant  with  joy,  than  when  he  looked  up  to  me,  as  I  stood 
before  the  open  window  of  the  reception  room,  and  threw  me 
his  kisses  from  the  ends  of  his  fingers,  and  bowed  me  his  hap- 
py adieu.  Yes,  happy,  that  his  conspiracy  against  my  per- 
sonal liberty  had  so  completely  triumphed  over  all  opposition. 
Having  secured  the  entombment  of  the  mother,  he  had  now 
naught  to  do  but  to  teach  her  children  to  despise  their  mother, 
and  treat  her  name  and  memory,  with  contempt  and  derision. 


DISAPPOINTED  HOPES.  73 

IX. 
Disappointed  Hopes. 

Mr.  Packard  has  gone  !  My  last  hope  of  deliverance 
through  him,  has  now  sunk  into  a  rayless  night  of  despair. 
Yes,  utter  despair  of  ever  being  liberated  and  reinstated  in 
my  family  again.  He  has  not  so  much  as  even  uttered  one 
syllable  on  which  I  could  build  such  a  hope.  I  never  have 
heard  him  even  say,  he  hoped  I  should  ever  get  better,  so  as 
to  be  with  him  once  more.  What  can  this  mean  ?  Has  he 
buried  me  for  life?  Yes,  so  his  conduct  speaks,  and  no  word, 
or  act  contradicts  it.  Hopeless  imprisonment !  0,  may  my 
reader  never  know  what  these  terms  signify.  I  know  what 
it  is  to  endure  endless  torment,  and  hopeless  bondage  !  and  it 
is  a  terrible  doom . 

I  did  try  to  build  a  faint  hope,  upon  the  fact  that  he  had 
brought  only  a  small  satchel  of  things  with  me,  and  these 
could  not  last  me  long,  but  before  he  left,  he  dashed  this  hope 
to  the  ground  by  telling  me,  he  should  send  me  my  trunk, 
after  he  got  home.  In  about  three  weeks,  there  did  arrive  a 
monstrous  sized  trunk  directed  to  Mrs.  Packard,  which  led 
the  patients  to  exclaim,  "I?  Mr.  Packard  going  to  keep  his 
wife  here  for  life  ?"  And  how  did  my  sad  h«art  echo  this 
fearful  question. 

But  even  amid  this  gloom,  one  ray  of  comfort  gleamed 
forth  at  the  thought,  now  I  shall  hear  from  my  dear  children. 
They  surely  will  send  some  token  of  love  and  affection  to 
their  imprisoned  mother.  And  to  enjoy  this  comfort  to  its 
fullest  extent,  I  asked  the  Doctor  to  allow  me  to  unpack  it 
in  my  own  room,  with  my  door  locked.  He  kindly  locked 
me  in  himself,  seemingly  rejoicing  in  my  anticipated  joy. 
My  first  surprise  on  opening  it,  was  to  see  so  few  articles  of 
clothing,  and  these  of  the  very  poorest  kind,  and  in  a  state 
of  the  most  tangled  confusion,  with  rotten  lemons  and  cans 
of  fruit  scattered  amongst  them  to  their  detriment,  poor  as 
they  were.  The  whole  contents  would  not  fill  one-third  of 
D 


74  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  trunk,  and  this  caused  the  confusion  in  the  transportation 
of  the  trunk.  And  why  he  should  send  so  large  a  trunk  to 
carry  so  few  articles,  has  always  been  an  unsolved  mystery 
to  me.  Bnt  this  feeling  was  soon  lost  in  the  bright  thought 
of  soon  finding  my  childrens'  love  tokens.  Each  and  every 
article  was  most  carefully  searched,  to  find  what  would  be 
next  to  finding  my  child,  for  his  own  fingers  must  have  held 
it  and  kissed  it  for  his  mother. 

But  ah  1  must  I  utter  the  sad  truth,  that  no  token,  no 
letter  could  be  found,  on  which  my  fond  heart  could  rest  its 
loving  impulses?  Yes,  so  it  was;  and  being  alone,  I  wept 
in  deepest  anguish  at  this  disappointed  hope.  My  sons  after- 
wards told  me  that  they  all  expressed  a  wish  to  send  me  a 
letter  and  many  tokens,  but  their  father  had  refused  to  let 
them  do  so  unless  he  should  dictate  the  letters.  I.  "W.  said 
he  knew  that  to  get  such  a  letter  as  his  father  would  dictate, 
would  pain. me  more  than  it  would  to  get  none  at  all.  And 
so  it  would  have  been,  for  on  a  narrow  strip  of  paper,  four 
inches  long  and  two  wide,  I  found  pencilled,  "We  are  glad 
to  hear  you  are  getting  better;  hope  you  will  soon  get  well. 
Your  daughter  Elizabeth."  This  her  father  made  her  write 
to  make  me  feel  that  she  believed  me  insane;  and  he  knew 
nothing  would  torment  me  so  much  as  this  thought  from  her. 
Indeed,  I  found  that  what  I.  "W.  had  said  was  too  true.  I 
was  more  pained  to  get  this  line  from  my  daughter,  than  I 
would  have  been  to  get  none  at  all ;  for  not  knowing  the 
truth,  I  did  fear  she  was  coming  under  the  influence  of  this 
delusion. 

I  think  the  Doctor  pitied  me  under  this  trial,  for  the  next 
day,  when  in  reply  to  his  questions,  I  told  him  I  found  no 
letters,  or  love  tokens,  or  messages  from  my  children,  he 
seemed  astonished,  and  said,  "I  thought  you  would  find 
many  letters.  I  wonder  they  did  not  write  their  mother." 

Another  disappointment.  I  had  especially  requested  Mr. 
Packard  that  my  nice  black  silk  dress  and  white  crape  shawl 
be  sent,  so. that  I  could  go  to  church  decently  dressed.  But 
not  only  these,  but  all  my  other  good  articles  of  clothing 


DISAPPOINTED  HOPES.  75 

were  kept  from  me,  not  only  -while  I  was  in  the  Asjium,  but 
long  after  I  was  liberated;  and  then  he  was  forced  to  give 
them  up  upon  my  father's  authority. 

.Now  my  only  hope  of  deliverance  lay  in  the  Mantenoites 
fulfilling  their  promise  to  get  me  out  in  a  few  days.  Every 
carriage  and  man  was  watched,  hoping  to  find  in  him  my  de- 
liverer. But  none  came,  until  several  weeks,  when  I  was 
called  from  Mrs.  McFarland's  parlor  into  the  reception  room, 
to  see  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Blessing,  from  Manteno,  and  a  stranger, 
to  whom  they  introduced  me  as  Dr.  Shirley,  of  Jacksonville. 
Dr.  Shirley  took  the  lead  in  the  conversation,  and  I  was 
delighted  at  the  compliment  he  paid  me  in  introducing  sub- 
jects such  as  required  intelligence  and  scientific  knowledge 
to  converse  upon.  Our  pleasure  in  sustaining  such  an  inter- 
change of  thoughts  seemed  to  be  mutually  reciprocated,  and 
I  think  we  both  parted  feeling  that  we  were  wiser  than  when 
we  met.  I  am  sure  this  was  the  case  with  me,  and  from 
what  Dr.  Shirley  said  of  me  to  those  who  had  employed  him 
to  test  my  sanity,  I  think  I  did  not  misjudge  him.  In  reply 
to  their  inquiry,  "  Is  she  insane  ?"  he  said,  "  She  is  the  sanest 
person  I  ever  saw.  I  wish  the  world  was  full  of  such 
women." 

Now  that  my  sanity  was  established  beyond  question,  the 
Mantenoites  resolved  to  liberate  me,  and  therefore  appointed 
a  public  indignation  meeting  for  this  purpose,  to  see  what 
could  be  done  to  effect  it.  Mr.  Packard  hearing  of  this  pro- 
posed meeting  to  liberate  his  imprisoned  wife,  sent  to  Chicago 
and  obtained  Rev.  A.  D.  Eddy,  D.  D.,  and  Mr.  Cooley,  of 
the  firm  of  Cooley  &  Farwell,  to  come  to  Manteno  and  help 
him  to  withstand  and  defeat  this  philanthropic  plan.  They 
both  came  and  did  their  work  up  thoroughly  and  successfully, 
in  that  they  browbeat  the  Mantenoites,  and  silenced  them 
into  submission  to  the  dictates  of  this  ministerial  and  church 
influence.  Thus  this  plan  was  defeated,  and  I  was  destined 
to  another  disappointment.  Mr.  Blessing  told  me  clandes- 
tinely, he  had  come  to  effect  my  liberation  if  possible. 

But  these  Mantenoites  determined  that  their  defeat  should 


76  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

not  be  a  failure,  and  therefore  they  determined  to  try  the 
liabeus  corpus  act,  and  thus  secure  me  a  fair  trial  at  least. 
But  to  their  surprise,  they  found  it  exceedingly  difficult,  if 
not  impossible,  to  extend  this  act  to  a  legal  "nonentity," 
unless  by  the  consent  of  Mr.  Packard,  who  stood  for  me  in 
law,  and  of  course  he  would  not  consent  to  any  step  which 
would  allow  me  any  chance  at  self-defence.  Therefore,  with 
the  encouragement  and  assistance  of  his  brother  ministers, 
and  the  church,  he  learned  how  to  ward  off  this  attempt  suc- 
cessfully. 

Again  the  Mantenoites  assembled,  and  by  their  generous 
contributions  raised  a  liberal  purse  of  money,  to  be  used  in 
my  defence.  They  sent  a  delegation  to  the  Asylum,  to  in- 
form me  of  this  fact,  which  they  did,  by  carefully  noting  the 
time  the  Doctor's  back  was  turned,  to  inform  me  as  they 
walked  through  the  prison  halls.  ,  Said  they,  "  Any  amount 
of  money  you  can  have,  if  money  can  help  you.  Send  to 
Theophilus,  your  son  to  take  you  out." 

I  simply  had  time  to  reply,  "  I  can't  send  letters  out." 
This  was  all  we  could  say  clandestinely.  Although  I  could 
see  no  hope  of  deliverance  through  this  source,  yet  the  thought 
that  I  was  being  cared  for  by  any  one  outside  my  prison,  was 
a  great  consolation  to  me. 

Through  the  influence  of  friends,  my  oldest  son  Theophilus 
visited  the  Asylum,  and  obtained  an  interview  with  me,  a  de- 
tailed account  of  which  visit  is  given  in  my  "  Three  Years 
Imprisonment,"  on  page  127,  therefore  I  shall  not  repeat  this 
affecting  scene.  But  the  result  I  mention,  to  show  how  our 
hopes  are  germinated,  only  to  be'  blighted  by  Asylum  life. 
At  this  interview,  Dr.  McFarland  fairly  promised  to  co-operate 
with  my  son,  in  doing  all  in  his  power  to  get  me  out,  and  af- 
terwards refused  to  do  the  least  thing  towards  it,  not  even  to 
send  my  letters  to  my  son,  nor  would  he  deliver  his  to  me. 
I  know  he  received  letters  from  him,  for  shortly  after,  1  saw 
one  on  his  office  table  from  him,  directed  to  me,  and  I  took 
it  up  to  read  it,  and  he  took  it  from  me,  refusing  to  let  me 
know  its  contents.  Now  I  found  I  was  destined  to  another 


SUNNY  SIDE   OF  MY  PRISON  LIFE.  77 

disappointment,  for  the  Doctor  had  not  only  refused  to  co-op- 
erate, but  was  evidently  defeating  my  son's  filial  attempts  to 
rescue  his  mother.  The  agony  of  this  disappointment  was 
increased  by  the  fact  that  the  Doctor  had  deceived  us  both,  in 
this  transaction,  therefore  his  word  could  no  longer  be  trusted. 
I  was  very  sorry  to  be  obliged  to  come  to  this  conclusion,  for 
until  this  development  I  had  regarded  him  as  a  man  of  honor, 
whose  word  could  be  trusted. 

Another  effort  my  friends  made,  was  to  go  to  the  Govenor 
on  my  behalf,  but  he  replied  he  could  not  repeal  laws,  nor  en- 
act laws — he  could  only  execute  laws,  and  if  there  was  no 
law  by  which  I  could  have  a  trial,  or  be  liberated,  he  did  not 
know  of  any  thing  that  he  could  do  for  me.  It  was  my  hus- 
band's business  to  take  me  out,  and  if  he  refused,  there  was  no 
law  to  force  him,  so  long  as  Dr.  McFarland  claimed  I  was 
insane. 

After  all  these  sore  disappointments,  I  found  that  my  per- 
sonal liberty,  and  personal  identity,  were  entirely  at  the 
mercy  of  Mr.  Packard  and  Dr.  McFarland  ;  that  no  law  of 
the  Institution  or  of  the  State,  recognised  my  identity  while 
a  married  woman ;  therefore,  no  protection,  not  even  the 
criminal's  right  of  self-defence,  could  be  extended  to  me;  and 
therefore  I  must  intelligently  yield  up  all  hopes  of  my  per- 
sonal liberty,  so  long  as  Mr.  Packard  and  Dr.  McFarland  lived 
and  agreed  in  keeping»me  imprisoned. 


X. 
The  Sunny  Side  of  my  Prison  Life. 

For  the  first  four  months  of  my  prison  life,  Dr.  McFarland 
treated  me  himself,  and  caused  me  to  be  treated,  with  all  the 
respect  of  a  hotel  boarder,  so  far  as  lay  in  his  power  to  do  so. 

As  to  medical  treatment,  I  received  none  at  all,  either 
from  himself,  or  his  subordinates.  And  the  same  may  be 
said  with  equal  truth,  of  all  the  inmates.  This  is  the  general 


78  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

rule  ;  those  few  cases  where  they  receive  any  kind  of  medical 
treatment,  are  the  exceptions.  A  little  ale  occasionally,  is 
the  principal  part  of  the  medical  treatment  which  these  ex- 
ceptions receive,  unless  his  medical  treatment  consists  in  the 
"laying  on  of  hands,"  for  this  treatment  is  almost  universally 
bestowed.  But  the  manner  in  which  this  was  practised,  va- 
ried very  much  in  different  cases. 

For  the  first  four  months  the  Doctor  "laid  his  hands"  very 
gently  upon  me,  except  that  the  pressure  of  my  hand  in  his 
was  sometimes  quite  perceptible,  and  sometimes,  as  I  thought, 
longer  continued  than  this  healing  process  demanded  I  Still 
as  I  was  then  quite  a  novice  in  this  mode  of  cure,  I  might 
not  have  been  a  proper  judge  !  But  after  these  four  months 
he  laid  his  hands  upon  me  in  a  different  manner,  and  as  I  then 
thought  and  still  do  think,  far  too  violently.  There  was  no 
mistaking  the  character  of  these  grips — no  duplicity  after 
this  period  rendered  this  modern  mode  of  treatment,  of 
doubtful  interpretation  to  me.  To  Dr.  McFarland's  credit 
I  must  say  it,  that  if  shaking  hands  with  his  patients  is 
his  mode  of  medical  treatment,  I  must  give  him  the  credit 
of  paying  no  respect  of  persons  in  administering  it.  For 
indeed  there  was  seldom  an  occupant  of  the  Seventh  ward 
who  did  not  daily  feel  the  grip  of  the  Superintendent's  hand. 
And  I  have  no  doubt  but  that  this  mode  of  imparting  mag- 
netism was  in  many  instances  beneficial  to  the  patient.  So 
far  as  its  influence  upon  me  was  concerned,  I  cheerfully  ad- 
mit that  I  considered  myself  benefitted  by  it.  My  nervous 
system  had  been  severely  taxed,  my  sympathies  had  been 
stifled,  and  these  heavy  draughts  on  the  vital  forces  of  my 
nature  had  left  me  in  a  condition  to  be  easily  strengthened 
and  benefitted  by  the  magnetic  influence  of  a  strong  and  sym- 
pathising man.  The  affectionate  pressure  of  his  great  hand 
seemed  to  impart  a  kind  of  vitality  to  my  nervous  system, 
which  did  help  me  bear  my  spiritual  tortures  with  greater 
fortitude  and  composure.  I  felt  that  he  did  pity  me,  and 
really  wished  to  be  a  true  friend  to  me  and  my  interests. 
Many  thanks  are  due  Dr.  McFarland  for  the  courteous,  manly 


SUNNY  SIDE  OF  MY  PRISON  LIFE.  79 

treatment  I  received  from  him  during  this  favored  period. 
I  did  not  then  think,  neither  do  I  now  cherish  the  thought, 
that  Dr.  McFarland  intended  to  manifest  himself  towards 
me  in  any  manner  inconsistent  with  the  principles  of  a  high 
toned,  manly  gentleman.  Only  one  impulsive  act  did  he 
allow  himself  to  commit  during  this  period,  which  I  think  his 
reason  would  not  approve,  so  far  as  his  personal  treatment  of 
me  was  concerned. 

One  day  I  was  entrusted  with  the  care  of  some  of  the 
Seventh  ward  prisoners,  to  recreate  ourselves  in  the  court- 
yard. Availing  myself  of  the  sources  of  amusement  there 
furnished,  I  seated  myself  upon  a  swing,  and  also  politely 
accepted  the  offer  of  a  gentleman,  who  was  reclining  upon 
the  grass  under  the  shady  tree,  to  swing  me.  After  allow- 
ing him  to  do  so  for  a  while,  I  asked  him  to  allow  me  to  get 
off  and  let  another  take  my  place.  But  instead  of  receiving 
their  thanks  for  this  offer,  Mrs.  Gassaway,  one  of  the  prison- 
ers, a  wife,  and  mother  of  several  children,  bestowed  upon 
me  a  most  severe  reprimand,  not  only  for  swinging  myself, 
but  also  for  allowing  a  "male  patient,"  as  she  called  my 
gallant,  to  swing  me.  Instead,  therefore,  of  accepting  this 
offer  herself,  or  allowing  any  other  one  to  accept  it,  she 
started  with  a  quick  step  towards  the  ward,  to  report  my 
misdemeanors  to  Miss  Eagle,  our  attendant,  as  she  threat- 
ened to  do.  I,  of  course,  followed  with  my  paroled  prisoners 
after  her,  as  I  had  been  instructed  to  keep  an  eye  upon  them 
all ;  but  instead  of  following  them  into  the  ward,  I  went 
alone  into  the  Doctor's  office,  to  report  my  misdemeanors  at 
head  quarters.  I  found  Dr.  McFarland  standing  at  his 
writing  desk,  alone  in  his  office.  I  rushed  up  in  front  of  him, 
and  in  a  very  enthusiastic,  amusing  manner,  made  a  frank 
and  full  confession  of  what  Mrs.  Gassaway  termed  my  "great 
improprieties  !  "  With  his  eyes  upon  me,  the  Doctor  listened 
with  the  most  profound  attention  to  my  confessions  and  plea 
for  pardon,  and  as  I  finished  by  inquiring,  "What  shall  I  say 
to  Miss  Eagle  in  extenuation  of  Mrs.  Gassaway's  charges 
against  me  ;  he  replied,  "Say  nothing;  I  will  see  that  you 


80  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

are  protected;"  and  as  he  made  this  remark,  he  stooped  and 
bestowed  a  kiss  upon  my  forehead. 

Although  I  regarded  this  as  a  mere  impulsive  act,  dictated 
by  no  corrupt  motives,  yet  as  I  afterwards  told  him,  I  con- 
sidered it  an  indiscreet  act  for  a  man  in  his  position,  "For," 
said  I,  "Dr.  McFarland,  men  do  not  send  their  wives,  nor 
fathers  their  daughters  here,  expecting  that  you  will  mani- 
fest your  regard  for  them  in  this  manner,  and  by  doing  so,  you 
render  yourself  liable  to  just  censure  from  the  patrons  of  this 
Institution."  The  Doctor  listened  with  silent  attention  to 
this  reproof,  and  only  remarked  "  It  was  only  a  kiss  of 
charity!" 

And  here  I  will  venture  the  remark,  that  had  I  been  dis- 
charged at  any  time  during  these  four  months,  I  should 
doubtless  have  identified  myself  with  that  class  of  discharged 
prisoners  who  represent  Dr.  McFarland  as  no  other  than  an 
honorable  gentleman.  And  I  am  prepared  to  believe  there 
are  many  whose  experience  would  lead  them  to  thus  repre- 
sent him,  for,  from  their  standpoint,  he  had  been  only  the 
gentlemanly  Superintendent.  The  greatest  fault  I  could  see 
in  the  Doctor's  conduct  during  this  period,  was  his  receiving 
so  many  who  were  not  insane,  and  in  retaining  those  who  had 
recovered  their  sanity  so  long  after  they  were  able  to  be  at 
home.  I  saw  several  such  sink  back  into  a  state  of  hopeless 
imbecility  from  this  cause  alone.  Hope  too  long  deferred 
made  them  so  sick  of  life  that  they  yielded  themselves  up  to 
desperation  as  a  natural,  inevitable  result.  It  was  a  matter 
of  great  surprise  to  me  to  find  so  many  in  the  Seventh  ward, 
who,  like  myself,  had  never  shown  any  insanity  while  there, 
and  these  were  almost  uniformly  married  women,  who  were 
put  there  either  by  strategy  or  by  force.  None  of  these  un- 
fortunate sane  prisoners  had  had  any  trial  or  any  chance  of 
self-defence.  And  I  could  not  force  myself  to  believe  that 
so  sensible  a  man  as  the  Doctor,  could  really  believe  they 
were  insane,  without  a  shadow  of  evidence  in  their  own  con- 
duct. But  sadly  foolish  and  weak  as  it  was,  he  professed  to 
believe  they  were,  on  simple  hearsay  testimony,  in  defiance 


SUNNT  SIDE  OF  MY  PEISON  LIFE.  81 

of  positive,  iangible  proof  to  the  contrary.  I  once  asked 
the  Doctor  how  long  he  had  to  keep  a  person  imprisoned,  to 
determine  whether  they  were  insane  or  not.  His  reply  was, 
"  Sometimes  six  months,  and  sometimes  a  year!" 

Another  fact  I  noticed,  that  he  invariably  kept  these  sane 
wives  until  they  begged  to  be  sent  home.  This  led  me  to 
suspect  that  there  was  a  secret  understanding  between 
the  husband  and  the  Doctor;  that  the  subjection  of  the  wife 
was  the  cure  the  husband  was  seeking  to  effect  under  the 
specious  plea  of  insanity ;  and  when  they  began  to  express 
a  wish  to  go  home,  the  Doctor  would  encourage  these  tyran- 
nical husbands  that  they  were  "  improving."  Time  after 
time  have  I  seen  these  defenceless  women  sent  home  only  to 
be  sent  back  again  and  again,  for  the  sole  purpose  of  making 
them  the  unresisting,  willing  slaves  of  their  cruel  husbands. 

I  do  not  blame  Dr.  McFarland  for  the  sins  of  these  unnat- 
ural husbands,  but  I  do  blame  him  for  letting  the  Institution 
be  used  by  them  as  a  place  of  punishment  to  married  women, 
as  a  prison,  where  they  could  appeal  to  none  for  help  or  de- 
liverance, but  to  themselves.  These  husbands,  like  Mr. 
Packard,  knew  that  no  law  could  protect  the  wife  from  their 
despotic  power,  and  they  knew  too,  that  the  simple  word  of 
Dr.  McFarland  that  they  were  insane,  would  legally  entitle 
them  to  the  use  of  this  State's  Prison  as  a  calaboose,  where 
their  wives  could  be  subjected  to  their  husbands  will.  I 
think  that  Dr.  McFarland,  even  while  he  treated  these  subject- 
ed women  with  decent,  gentlemanly  respect,  was  at  the  same 
time,  inflicting  upon  them  a  most  cruel  wrong,  in  keeping 
them  imprisoned,  when  he  knew  they  were  not  insane.  This 
is  the  only  wrong  I  complain  of.  from  him,  during  those  four 
months.  He  ought  to  have  had  the  moral  courage  to  say  to 
Mr.  Packard,  "  Your  wife  is  not  insane,  and  I  see  no  reason 
why  her  personal  liberty  should  be  taken  from  her,  therefore 
I  shall  discharge  her  upon  my  own  responsibility,  to  take  care 
of  herself,  unless  you  choose  to  do  so.  I  am  sure  she  is  capa- 
ble of  assuming  a  ?elf  reliant  position,  a,nd  therefore  ought 
not  to  be  imprisoned."  But  he  dare  not  do  right  and  justice 
D2 


82  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

by  me,  or  my  associates,  in  this  particular,  but  chose  the  cow- 
ardly course  of  compromising  with  this  mean  man  ;  and  thus 
he  trampled  the  highest,  noblest,  instincts  of  his  manly  na- 
ture in  the  dust.  By  thus  oppressing  the  weak,  instead  of 
protecting  them,  he  ruined  himself — his  manliness  suffered 
strangulation  under  this  process,  as  the  sequel  will  demon- 
strate. 

But  with  this  exception,  no  Superintendent  could  have 
treated  a  prisoner  with  more  consideration  than  he  did  me. 
I  was  allowed  to  go  into  the  parlor  and  visit  with  his  wife  or 
her  guests,  when  I  pleased.  I  was  occasionally  invited  to 
eat  at  the  Doctor's  table.  He  instructed  my  attendants  to 
let  me  go  out  whenever  I  pleased.  He  allowed  my  room  to 
be  furnished  with  the  toilet  comforts  of  any  good  boarding 
house.  He  allowed  me  to  have  a  trunk  in  my  room,  and  all 
the  articles  of  my  wardrobe  that  I  needed.  I  was  allowed 
my  gold  watch  and  gold  spectacles,  my  three  bladed  pocket 
knife  arid  scissors  ;  in  fact,  everything  a  hotel  boarder  could 
desire.  He  furnished  me  books  and  papers  to  read.  I  could 
read,  knit  and  sew,  ride  or  walk,  when  I  pleased,  and  to  add 
to  the  feeling  of  trust  and  confidence  he  reposed  in  me,  he 
gave  me  the  entire  charge  of  a  carriage  load  of  patients,  and 
gave  also,  the  reins  of  the  horse  into  my  hands,  to  ride  as  far 
as  I  pleased,  and  return  when  I  pleased.  This  he  did  four- 
teen times,  with  no  one  to  care  for  the  horse  or  the  patients, 
but  myself. 

He  gave  me  money  to  go  to  the  city  and  trade  for  myself, 
and  his  wife  has  sent  me  to  trade  for  her,  and  for  the  house. 
His  wife  has  employed  me  for  weeks  in  succession,  to  cut  and 
make  dresses  for  herself  and  daughters,  and  the  matron  em- 
ployed me  to  cut  and  plan  work  for  the  house.  I  cut  and 
made  twelve  comforts  for  the  house,  and  tied  them  myself,  in 
my  room.  I  made  pants  and  vests  for  the  house.  I  cut 
twelve  dresses,  for  the  patients.  Indeed,  there  was  always 
something  I  could  find  to  do,  for  the  comfort  of  others,  and  my 
own  amusement.  I  was  allowed  to  visit  with  most  of  the 
guests  of  the  house.  In  short,  but  for  the  grated  windows, 


SUNNY  SIDE  OF  MY  PRISON  LIFE.  83 

and  bolted  doors  of  prison  life,  I  should  hardly  have  known 
but  I  was  a  boarder,  whose  identity  and  capacities  were  rec- 
ognised, in  common  with  other  intelligent  agents. 

My  companions  in  the  Seventh  ward,  were  a  very  pleasant 
source  of  social  enjoyment.  Among  them,  I  found  some  of 
the  most  original  thinkers  I  ever  saw  ;  and  among  this  class, 
I  found  some  of  the  best  teachers  I  had  ever  had.  Some  of 
them  were  Spiritualists,  and  they  taught  me  many  new  ideas, 
and  set  me  on  to  a  new  track  of  exploration.  They  told  me 
their  visions,  and  trances  and  prophecies,  many  of  which  have 
been  already  fulfilled,  in  the  events  of  the  war.  One  lady  had 
a  prevision  of  the  war,  and  was  sent  to  the  Asylum  because 
she  told  of  it !  Another  had  a  vision  of  the  same,  under  dif- 
ferent imagery,  and  she  had  to  lose  her  personal  liberty  for 
telling  of  it.  Both  of  these  prophetesses,  Mrs.  Neff  and  Mrs. 
Clarke,  have  lived  to  see  the  exact  fulfillment  of  their  visions, 
and  like  Jeremiah,  they  both  had  to  be  imprisoned  for  foretell- 
ing future  events.  And  sad  as  is  the  fact,  these  inspired 
women  were  compelled,  even  under  the  folds  of  the  American 
flag,  of  religious  toleration,  to  either  be  false  to  these  true  in- 
spirations, or  "  Hide  their  light  under  a  bushel,"  in  order  to 
obtain  their  personal  liberty.  Both  of  them  told  me,  they 
were  obliged  to  stop  talking  about  it,  before  any  one  would 
admit  they  were  getting  over  their  insanity.  But  they  had 
to  endure  the  horrors  of  a  Lunatic  Asylum  for  months,  and 
even  years,  before  they  could  be  induced  to  love  the  defence 
of  the  truth,  less  than  their  personal  liberty.  But  neither  of 
these  prophetesses  ever  did,  to  my  knowledge,  deny  the  truth 
of  these  visions,  nor  would  they  own  it  to  be  insanity.  They 
merely  yielded  to  be  gagged,  on  condition  that  they  could  be 
liberated,  by  so  doing.  Such  manifestations  as  these,  are 
what  the  Asylum  calls  very  insane  cases,  so  they  had  to  be 
subjected  to  very  severe  punishments,  and  tortures,  to  bring 
them  into  this  condition. 

They  both  said  to  me  clandestinely,  the  night  before  they 
left,  "My  views  are  not  changed  at  all,  in  regard  to  these 
prophetic  truths,  yet  I  dare  not  own  it  aloud,  lest  Dr.  McFar- 


84 

land  hear  of  it,  and  I  be  thereby  doomed  to  endless  torment 
within  these  prison  walls.  If  my  attendants  should  know 
that  I  have  uttered  these  views  to  you,  they  will  report  me  to 
the  Doctor,  and  he  will  order  my  friends  to  leave  totmorrow 
without  me,  as  he  will  tell  them  I  am  not  fit  to  go,  for  my* 
insanity  has  returned.  Therefore  be  entreated,  Mrs.  Packard, 
not  to  betray  me  by  reporting  this  conversation,  until  I  am 
safely  away  from  this  horrid  Inquisition." 

Of  course  I  did  not  report  them  to  their  tormentors,  but  I 
consider  it  to  be  my  duty,  to  report  this  Inquisition  to  the 
American  people,  and  thus  appeal  to  their  intelligence,  to 
destroy  these  Inquisitions,  which  they  are  now  blindly  sus- 
taining, under  the  popular  name  of  charitable,  humanitarian 
institutions.  If  the  truth  were  known,  I  believe  that  much 
that  is  called  insanity  at  the  present  day,  is  only  a  higher 
development  of  Christianity  than  the  perverted  theology  of 
the  pulpit  is  willing  to  recognise.  It  is  my  opinion,  that 
much  that  is  called  insanity  in  these  days  of  spiritual  corrup- 
tion, will  be  looked  upon  by  future  ages,  with  a  feeling  similar 
to  what  we  feel  towards  those  who  suffered  as  witches,  in 
Salem,  Massachusetts.  That  persecution  went  so  far,  that 
the  government  was  obliged  to  make  a  law,  that  all  who  ac- 
cused others  of  witchcraft,  must  themselves  suffer  the  pun- 
ishment they  had  designed  to  secure  to  the  witch.  This  law 
and  its  execution,  put  a  speedy  stop  to  these  false  accusations. 
Possibly,  our  government  will  be  obliged  to  put  a  stop  to 
these  false  accusations  of  insanity,  in  the  same  manner.  If 
all  those  -who  falsely  accused  another  of  insanity,  were  com- 
pelled to  be  treated  as  insane  themselves,  I  think  the  number 
of  those  brought  before  a  jnry,  for  trial  on  the  charge  of  in- 
sanity, would  be  greatly  lessened. 


MY  TKANSITION.  85 

XL 
My  Transition. 

During  the  sunny  days  of  my  prison  life  I  was  allowed  to 
have  the  free  and  unrestricted  use  of  my  pen,  with  all  the 
paper  and  stationery  I  wished.  My  light  to  my  letters, 
journals  and  private  papers,  was  as  freely  acceded  to  me  as 
any  other  inalienable  right  of  an  American  citizen.  And 
Dr.  McFarland  even  respected  my  post  office  right  so  much 
as  not  to  read  my  letters  to  my  husband,  nor  do  I  think  he 
read  his  to  me.  This,  I  found,  was  an  almost  unexampled 
practical  acknowledgment  of  this  sacred  right  of  an  Amer- 
ican citizen,  while  under  the  locks  and  keys  of  one  of  its 
humanitarian  institutions.  Before  I  entered  an  Insane  Asy- 
lum and  learned  its  hidden  life  from  the  standpoint  of  a 
patient,  I  had  not  supposed  that  the  inmates  were  outlaws, 
in  the  sense  that  the  law  did  not  protect  them  in  any  of  their 
inalienable  rights.  I  had  ignorantly  supposed  that  -their 
right  to  "  life,  liberty,  and  the  pursuit  of  happiness,"  was 
recognized  and  respected  as  human  beings.  But  now  I  have 
learned  it  is  not  the  case  ;  but  on  the  contrary,  the  law  and 
society  have  so  regulated  this  principle,  that  the  insane  are 
permitted  to  be  treated  and  regarded  as  having  no  rights  that 
any  one  is  bound  to  respect — no,  not  even  so  much  as  the 
slav.es  are,  for  they  have  the  rights  of  their  masters'  selfish 
interests  to  shield  their  own  rights.  But  the  rights  of  the 
insane  are  not  even  shielded  by  the  principle  of  selfishness. 
What  does  the  keeper  of  this  class  care  for  the  rights  of  the 
menials  beneath  him?  Nothing.  His  salary  is  secured  by 
law,  whether  there  be  few  or  many  under  the  roof  which 
shelters  him.  Unlike  the  slaveholder,  he  can  torment  and 
abuse  unto  death,  and  his  interests  are  not  impaired  by  this 
wreck  of  human  faculties  and  human  life.  Indeed  this  wreck 
is  oftentimes  made  a  necessity  to  the  Superintendent,  to  pre- 
vent the  exposure  of  his  criminal  acts.  And  since  there  is 
no  law  to  shield  the  insane  person,  he  is,  by  law,  subject  to 


86  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

an  absolute  despotism.  Thus  the  despot  is  protected  hi  his 
despotism,  no  matter  how  severe  and  rigorous  he  may  become. 

Now  since  the  object  of  government  should  be  to  protect 
the  rights  of  its  citizens,  it  seems  to  me  that  the  insane  have 
rights  which  the  government  ought  to  respect,  acknowledge 
and  protect.  And  one  of  these  human  rights  is  to  write  let- 
ters to  whom  and  when  he  pleases,  as  this  would  serve  to 
restrain,  in  some  degree,  the  absolute  despotism  which  rules 
supreme  behind  the  curtain.  So  long  as  the  Superintendent 
was  upright,  and  acted  according  to  his  highest  sense  of 
right,  he  would  not  care  what  his  patients  said  or  wrote  about 
him.  But  when  selfishness  and  wicked  policy  controlled  his 
actions,  he  would  fear  his  wickedness  would  be  exposed  if 
the  patients  were  allowed  to  write  what  they  pleased.  I 
think  it  is  because  the  deeds  of  darkness  and  cruelty  are  so 
common,  instead  of  the  deeds  of  kindness,  forbearance  and 
justice,  which  render  the  Superintendents  so  harmonious  in 
the  opinion  that  it  is  best  to  deprive  their  patients  of  their 
post  office  rights,  when  they  are  deprived  of  their  personal 
liberty. 

In  my  own  experience  I  find  this  principle  demonstrated, 
as  the  sequel  will  show.  "While  I  was  treated  with  propriety, 
there  were  no  striotures  put  upon  my  correspondence  ;  but 
as  soon  as  he  began  to  pass  on  to  the  plane  of  injustice,  he 
became  jealous  at  once  of  the  use  I  made  of  this  right.  I 
do  not  think  any  letters  I  wrote  during  these  sunny  days, 
would  have  excited  his  jealousy  if  he  did  read  them  all ;  but 
there  was  one  document  I  wrote  which  did  arouse  all  the 
evil  influences  of  his  nature  into  energetic  action  against  me, 
and  this  was  a  written  reproof  I  gave  him. 

It  may  be  a  matter  of  surprise  to  my  readers  that  I  should 
deem  it  my  duty  to  reprove  one  who  was  acting  so  gentle- 
manly a  part  towards  me.  It  was  a  surprise  to  myself, 
almost,  that  I  should  dare  to  risk  myself  in  such  an  en- 
counter, knowing  as  I  did,  that  all  my  favors,  rights  and 
privileges,  were  suspended  entirely  Upon  the  will  of  the 
Superintendent,  and  therefore,  entirely  subject  to  his  dicta- 


MY    TRANSITION.  87 

tion.  But  motives  higher  than  those  of  self-interest  actuated 
me,  or  I  could  not  have  done  it.  I  know  that  I  was  a  rare 
exception  in  the  respectful  treatment  he  was  bestowing  upon 
me  ;  no  other  prisoner  had  been  so  much  favored  before  me, 
if  the  testimony  of  his  employees  could  be  relied  upon,  and 
my  eligible  position  had  become  the  great  topic  of  discussion 
among  the  prisoners  and  employees. 

But  by  the  omnipotent  power  of  God's  grace  I  was  inspired 
with  moral  courage  sufficient  to  espouse  the  cause  of  *.he  op- 
pressed and  the  defenceless,  even  at  the  risk  of  becoming  one 
of  their  number  by  so  doing.  I  plainly  saw  and  felt  that  on 
the  part  of  their  oppressors  there  was  power,  but  that  they 
had  no  comforter.  I  felt  conscious  that  I  held  an  influence 
and  power  over  Dr.  McFarland,  and  I  deliberately  deter- 
mined this  influence  should  be  felt  in  their  behalf.  And, 
like  Queen  Esther,  I  felt  willing  to  cast  in  my  lot  witb  these 
despised  captives,  if  necessary,  to  be  their  deliverer.  I 
therefore  depicted  their  wrongs,  oppression  and  received 
cruelties,  in  the  most  expressive  terms  I  could  command,  and 
on  this  statement  of  awful  facts  I  based  an  appeal  to  his 
intelligence,  his  humanity,  and  his  conscience,  to  become 
their  protector  and  deliverer.  I  furthermore  added,  that 
unless  he  did  treat  them  with  more  justice,  I  should  expose 
his  criminal  conduct  publicly,  when  I  got  out ;  but  if  he 
would  repent  of  these  sins  against  humanity,  he  would  have 
nothing  to  fear,  for  we  would  all  forgive  the  past  if  he  would 
repent  now,  and  do  us  justice  in  the  future. 

This  document  cast  the  die  for  my  future  destiny.  The 
transition  time  had  fully  come,  when  comfort,  attention, 
respect,  privilege,  all,  all,  were  in  the  dead  past,  and  discom- 
fort, inattention,  disrespect,  contempt,  wrong  and  deprivation 
are  to  mark  the  future  of  my  prison  life.  It  was  for  others' 
interests  I  plead — it  was  of  others'  wrongs  and  woes  I 
complained.  It  was  for  them  and  their  sakes  I  deliberately 
laid  down  my  position  as  the  Asylum  favorite,  and  became 
henceforth  the  Asylum  prisoner.  From  this  time,  for  two 
years  and  eight  months,  I  was  not  allowed  to  step  my  foot  on 


88  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  ground,  and  I  fully  believe  it  was  the  Doctor's  purpose 
to  make  a  maniac  of  me,  by  the  skillful  use  of  the  Asylum 
tortures. 

But,  thank  God  !  the  mouths  of  the  Asylum  Lions  were 
kept  shut,  so  that  they  could  not  hurt  me,  and  like  Shadrach, 
Meshach  and  Abednego,  the  Lord  brought  me  out  of  this 
fiery  furnace  without  the  taint  of  insanity  upon  me.  I  did 
not  fear  to  trust  the  Lord  in  the  line  of  my  duty — he  did  not 
forsake  me  in  my  captivity.  Although  henceforth  I  became 
one  with  my  fellow  captives  in  suffering,  yet  never  for  one 
moment  have  I  regretted  the  step  I  then  took  in  their  de- 
fence, nor  the  transition  it  assigned  me. 

XII. 
My  Removal  from  the  Best  Ward  to  the  Worst. 

One  Saturday  evening,  after  chapel  prayers,  Dr.  McFar- 
land  took  me  by  the  arm  and  led  me  from  the  chapel  into  the 
Eighth  ward,  and  as  he  left  me  behind  the  dead  lock,  said, 
"  You  may  occupy  this  ward,  Mrs.  Packard."  This  was  the 
first  manifestation  of  the  change  in  the  Doctor's  feelings 
towards  me. 

As  he  left,  I  said  to  my  attendant,  "Miss  Tenny,  what 
does  this  mean?" 

"  I  don't  know  ;  all  he  said  to  me  was,  '  I  wish  you  not  to 
allow  Mrs.  Packard  to  leave  the  ward,  and  give  her  a  dormi- 
tory bed.'  " 

"I  don't  know  what  it  means  either"  said  I;  "he  has 
never  reproved  me  for  anything,  neither  have  I  broken  any 
rules  that  I  know  of.  I  wonder  if  my  reproof  has  not 
offended  him?" 

"  I  presume  it  has  ;  I  have  heard  there  was  quite  a  stir 
about  it." 

I  found  it  was  generally  known  that  I  was  preparing  a 
document  in  defence  of  the  prisoners'  rights,  and  several  had 
heard  me  read  it ;  and  although  they  insisted  upon  its  truth 


REMOVAL  TO  THE  WORST  WARD.  89 

in  every  particular,  yet  they  all  seemed  to  think  I  had  no 
idea  of  the  Doctor's  power  over  us,  or  I  should  not  dare  to 
utter  the  truth  so  plainly  to  him.  Some  said,  "We  have 
often  told  him  the  same  thing,  but  he  takes  no  notice  of  it 
whatever,  unless  he  gets  mad  about  it,  then  he  will  send  us 
to  some  bad  ward  to  be  punished  for  it."  Others  would  say, 
"Mrs.  Packard,  you  had  better  not  give  the  Doctor  that 
document,  unless  you  wish  to  be  sent  to  a  dungeon,  where 
you  could  never  see  daylight  again."  Another  would  say, 
"I  will  stand  by  you,  Mrs.  Packard,  if  you  will  give  him 
that  document,  if  he  kills  me  for  doing  so;  for  it  is  the  truth." 

Fearing  some  of  these  predictions  might  prove  true,  I  took 
the  precaution  to  take  an  exact  copy  of  the  document,  and 
sewed  it  up  in  a  cloth,  and  hid  it  between  the  glass  and  the 
board  back  of  my  mirror,  where  it  remained,  undisturbed  and 
unknown,  to  any  one  occupant  of  the  Asylum,  except  my- 
self, until  I  took  it  out  myself,  after  I  was  liberated.  I  did 
this,  thinking  that  if  I  should  be  killed  there,  it  might  some 
time  be  found,  and  tell  the  cause  of  my  sudden  or  mysterious 
death  ;  or  if  ever  I  should  be  liberated,  it  might  be  a  vindica- 
tion of  my  sanity,  and  explain  the  reason  for  my  being 
retained  so  long. 

Besides  hiding  this  duplicate,  I  put  every  article  of  my 
wardrobe  in  perfect  order,  before  going  to  chapel  prayers 
that  night,  feeling  a  kind  of  presentiment  of  coming  evil. 
I  also  told  my  friends  in  this  Seventh  ward,  that  I  hoped  they 
would  save  my  things  from  destruction,  if  they  could  not 
help  me,  in  case  of  an  encounter  with  the  Doctor.  As  it 
proved,  I  went  to  the  chapel  as  well  prepared  for  the  event 
as  I  could  have  been,  had  I  known  what  was  to  happen. 
My  attendant,  Miss  Eagle,  of  the  Seventh  ward,  told  me 
that  the  Doctor  came  directly  to  my  room  after  he  had  dis- 
posed of  me,  and  shut  himself  in  there  alone,  a  long  time, 
while  he  searched  my  things  all  over  to  find  every  manuscript- 
I  had  in  my  possession,  which  he  took  from  me.  Knowing 
that  I  had  a  duplicate  of  his  reproof,  he  determined  to  find 
it  and  destroy  it.  But  in  this  attempted  robbery  he  failed. 


90  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

He  then  ordered  Miss  Eagle  to  send  all  my  things  to  the 
trunk  room,  and  not  allow  me  to  take  my  bowl  and  pitcher 
and  mirror,  although  they  both  were  my  own.  He  ordered 
my  new  attendant,  Miss  Tenny,  to  treat  me  just  as  she  did 
the  maniacs,  who  were  now  my  sole  companions — to  let  me 
have  nothing  to  amuse  myself  with,  by  way  of  sewing,  read- 
ing, or  writing.  My  associates  in  this  ward  occupied  them- 
selves in  screaming,  fighting,  running,  hallooing,  sitting  on 
the  floor  when  they  sat  at  all  in  their  own  rooms,  as  chairs 
were  not  allowed  in  this  ward.  There  was  scarcely  a  patient 
in  the  whole  ward  who  could  answer  a  rational  question  in  a 
rational  manner. 

This  ward  was  then  considered  the  worst  ward  in  the  house, 
inasmuch  as  it  then  contained  some  of  the  most  dangerous 
class  of  patients,  even  worse  than  the  Fifth  in  this  respect, 
and  in  respect  to  filth  and  pollution,  it  surpassed  the  Fifth  at 
that  time.  It  is  not  possible  for  me  to  conceive  of  a  more 
fetid  smell,  than  the  atmosphere  of  this  hall  exhaled.  An 
occupant  of  this  hall,  would  inevitably  become  so  completely 
saturated  with  this  most  offensive  effluvia,  that  the  odor  of 
the  Eighth  ward  patients  could  be  distinctly  recognised  at  a 
great  distance,  even  in  the  open  air.  I  could,  in  a  few  mo- 
ments after  the  Doctor  put  me  in  among  them,  even  taste 
this  most  fetid  scent  at  the  pit  of  my  stomach.  Even  our 
food  and  drink  was  so  contaminated  with  it,  we  could  taste 
nothing  else,  sometimes.  It  at  first  seemed  to  me,  I  must 
soon  become  nothing  less  than  a  heap  of  putrefaction.  But  I 
have  found  out  that  I  can  live,  move,  breathe,  and  have  a  be- 
ing, where  I  once  thought  I  could  not. 

This  awful  scent  was  owing  to  neglect  in  the  management 
of  the  Institution.  This  was  not  the  visitor's  ward.  Seldom 
any,  but  the  Asylum  occupants,  found  their  entrance  into 
this  sink  of  human  pollution.  The  patients  were  never 
washed  all  over,  although  they  were  the  lowest,  filthiest  class 
of  prisoners.  They  could  not  wait  upon  themselves  any  more 
than  an  infant,  in  many  instances,  and  none  took  the  trouble 
to  wait  upon  them.  The  accumulation  of  this  defilement, 


REMOVAL  TO  THE  WORST  WARD.  91 

about  their  persons,  their  beds,  their  rooms,  and  the  unfragrant 
puddles  of  water  through  which  they  would  delight  to  wade 
and  wallow  in,  rendered  the  exhalations  in  every  part  of  the 
hall,  almost  intolerable. 

To  endure  this  contamination,  I  felt  certain  my  daily  cold 
water  bath  must  be  continued  ;  but  how  could  it  be  done,  with 
only  one  tin  wash  basin  for  eighteen  persons  ?  I  found  that 
we  all  could  hardly  find  time  to  wash  even  our  hands  and  face, 
before  breakfast,  in  this  single  dish,  much  less  could  it  be 
spared  long  enough  for  one  to  take  a  full  bath.  My  attendant 
tried  to  get  my  bowl  and  pitcher  from  the  Seventh  ward,  to 
accommodate  me,  but  the  Doctor  forbid  it.  I  asked  him  for  it. 
He  refused  me.  I  then  claimed  the  right  to  take  a  new 
chamber  vessel,  that;  was  brought  into  the  ward  for  another 
purpose,  and  tied  a  scarlet  string  around  the  handle  to  distin- 
guish it,  and  kept  it  under  my  bed  for  my  washbowl.  By  this 
means,  I  was  able  to  continue  my  daily  bath,  although  I  found 
my  feelings  of  delicacy  revolted  from  the  gaze  of  from  four 
to  six  room-mates,  who  occupied  the  same  dormitory  with  my- 
self. 

The  Doctor  expressly  forbid  my  having  a  room  by  myself, 
but  compelled  me  to  sleep  in  this  dormitory  for  one  year, 
where,  each  night,  my  life  was  exposed,  by  the  violent  hands 
of  these  maniacs.  I  have  been  obliged  to  call  up  my  attend- 
ant, some  nights,  to  save  being  killed  by  them.  Still,  the 
Doctor  would  not  let  her  give  me  a  room  by  myself.  -  I  have 
sometimes  thought  the  Doctor  put  me  there  for  the  very  pur- 
pose of  getting  me  killed  by  these  maniacs.  I  have  been 
nearly  killed  several  times,  and  I  have  appealed  most  earn- 
estly to  Dr.  McFarland  to  save  my  life,  but  he  would  simply 
turn  speechless  away  from  me!  I  have  also  asked  him  to 
remove  some  of  the  most  dangerous  ones  for  my  safety,  and 
the  only  response  would  be,  to  bring  in  a  more  dangerous  one. 

I  made  no  complaints,  never  expostulated  with  him,  nor 
spoke  a  disrespectful  or  reproachful  word  to  him,  in  vindica- 
tion of  my  own  rights.  I  never  made  any  confession  to  him 
of  wrong  doing  on  my  part,  nor  presented  any  plea  for  pardon 


92  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

or  forgiveness.  Neither  did  he  ever  utter  one' word  of  expla- 
nation to  me,  why  he  was  pursuing  this  course  of  treatment 
towards  me.  Neither  could  any  one  about  the  building  evei 
get  him  to  give  them  any  reason  for  this  change  towards  me, 
except,  "  It  is  all  for  her  good." 

But  to  the  credit  of  my  attendants,  the  two  sisters,  Misses 
Tenny,  and  Mrs.  Waldo,  the  matron,  I  am  happy  to  add, 
they  did  not  feel  bound  to  co-operate  in  all  the  Doctor's  plans 
to  abuse  and  torment  me.  Indeed,  the  oldest  Miss  Tenny, 
openly  and  boldly  refused  to  treat  me  as  she  did  the  maniacs. 
In  her  own  language  I  can  vindicate  her,  for  her  conduct  cor- 
responded with  her  words.  One  day,  after  sympathizing  with 
me  in  my  privations,  she  said,  "Mrs.  Packard,  I  shall  not 
treat  you  as  I  do  the  other  patients,  notwithstanding  the  Doc- 
tor has  ordered  me  to.  I  shall  use  my  own  judgment,  and 
treat  you  as  1  think  you  deserve  to  be  treated."  And  indeed, 
she  did  treat  me  like  a  sister.  I  do  not  now  see  how  she  could 
have  done  better  by  me  than  she  did  ;  and  to  her  kindness, 
and  tender  sympathy,  do  I  owe  much,  under  God,  for  being 
able  to  escape  the  many  dangers  and  trials,  which  enveloped 
me,  and  come  out  from  among  them,  unharmed.  The  two 
Miss  Tennys  deserve  much  credit,  also,  for  the  reasonable  and 
judicious  treatment  they  bestowed  upon  the  other  patients  in 
this  ward.  In  fact,  they  were  the  first  truly  kind  attendants 
I  had  then  seen  in  the  Asylum.  They  were  the  first  I  had 
found,  who  seemed  to  fear  God,  more  than  they  did  Dr. 
McFarland.  Even  the  day  following  the  Doctor's  order  to 
not  let  me  leave  the  ward  on  any  account,  she  took  me  to  the 
trunk  room  herself,  and  asked  me  to  select  any  articles  from 
my  wardrobe  I  wished,  and  let  me  take  my  sewing  box,  con- 
taining my  knife,  scissors,  and  spectacles,  etc.,  and  gave  me  a 
drawer  in  the  dormitory  table  to  keep  them  in,  and  put  the 
key  of  it  into  my  own  pocket.  This  was  a  marked  act  of 
confidence  on  her  part,  for  there  were  strict  rules  in  this  ward, 
that  no  knife  or  scissors  be  allowed  in  the  ward,  even  in  the 
hands  of  the  attendants. 

Mrs.  "Waldo,    our   matron,   extended   to   me  her  practical 


MY    OCCUPATION.  93 

Sympathy,  by  doing  many  things  for  my  comfort,  which  the 
Doctor  forbid.  She  allowed  me  to  use  a  covered  box  with  a 
cushioned  seat  upon  it,  as  a  substitute  for  my  trunk,  and  she 
bought  me  a  metallic  wash  bowl  after  a  while,  which  I  used  for 
nearly  two  years,  for  myself  alone  ;  and  by  a  little  strategy, 
she  and  Miss  Tenny  secured  my  mirror  for  our  dormitory,  as 
there  was  no  mirror  of  any  kind,  in  the  ward.  But  this 
dauntless  act  well  nigh  cost  me  my  document,  for  we  had 
hardly  got  it  hung  on  to  its  nail,  when  one  of  the  wild  patients 
seemed  to  be  seized  with  a  furious  spite  against  it,  and  rush- 
ing up  to  the  table  beneath  it,  took  article  after  article  upon 
the  table,  and  threw  against  it  with  almost  incredible  rapid- 
ity ;  but  just  before  she  had  time  to  hurl  the  tumbler  and 
pitcher  against  it,  one  of  my  room-mates  seized  the  mirror 
from  the  nail,  and  rushed  with  it  into  another  room,  while  the 
fragments  of  the  tumbler  and  pitcher  were  flying  in  all  direc- 
tions, and  the  table  being  upset  with  terrible  violence.  After 
this,  I  kept  my  mirror  hid  between  my  beds,  except  when  I 
wished  to  use  it,  or  let  others  use  it.  But  I  occasionally 
found  some  of  the  maniacs  had  taken  it  from  its  hiding  place, 
and  were  using  it  as  they  pleased  ;  but  by  the  most  gentle  and 
adroit  coaxing,  I  got  it  back  again,  safely.  I  once  recollect 
of  getting  one  to  give  it  to  me  in  exchange  for  an  apple. 
But  this  mirror,  like  myself,  seemed  destined  to  elude  all 
attacks  upon  its  destruction.  The  document  within  it,  and 
the  spirit  within  me,  seemed  alike  invulnerable. 


XIII. 

My  Occupation. 

As  my  readers  now  find  me  located  in  my  new  position, 
they  may,  perhaps,  like  to  know  how  I  occupied  myself.  As 
it  was  in  consequence  of  my  defence  of  others'  rights  and 
privileges  that  I  had  lost  my  own,  I  now  felt  impelled  by  the 
same  spirit,  to  make  other's  wants  my  care,  rather  than  care 


94  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

for  myself,  by  neglecting  them.  Indeed,  I  have  found  that 
the  exercise  of  this  spirit,  is,  in  reality,  the  best  antidote  I 
can  find  for  an  oppressed  spirit.  Paradoxical  as  it  may  seem, 
I  think  the  best  way  to  train  ourselves  to  bear  heavy  burdens, 
is  to  bear  the  burdens  of  others.  It  now  seems  to  me,  that 
unless  I  had  known  how  to  practically  apply  this  principle,  I 
mu?t  have  inevitably  sunk  under  my  burdens  ;  but  the  elas- 
ticity of  spirit  which  benevolent  acts  alone  inspire,  capaci- 
tates the  spirit  to  rebound,  where  it  would  otherwise  be 
crushed  by  the  pressure  put  upon  it.  And  moreover,  I  sum- 
moned the  will-power  also  to  my  rescue.  I  determined  I 
would  not  be  crushed,  neither  would  I  submit  to  see  others 
crushed.  In  other  language,  I  determined  to  be  a  living 
reprover  of  the  evils  I  saw  consummated  in  this  Asylum.  I 
did  not  intend  to  defend  one  line  of  conduct  with  my  tongue 
and  pen,  and  endorse  a  different  line  by  my  actions.  I  knew 
that  preaching  godliness  had  far  less  potency  for  good,  than 
practical  godliness.  I  had  already  preached  my  sermon  ;  now, 
all  that  I  had  to  do,  was  to  put  its  principles  into  practice. 
I  had  asked  Dr.  McFarland  to  ameliorate  the  condition  of 
his  patients  ;  I  now  determined  to  aid  him  in  this  good  work, 
to  the  fullest  extent  of  my  ability.  Therefore,  for  months 
and  years  from  this  date,  I  worked  for  this  object  almost  ex- 
clusively. 

I  found  that  the  attendants  were  very  negligent  in  their 
duties  ;  still,  I  did  not  feel  disposed  to  blame  or  reprove 
them  for  these  neglects.  I  felt  that  this  duty  fell  on  the 
Superintendent,  and  as  I  had  already  given  him  the  reproof 
which  was  his  due,  I  felt  that  I  had  no  right  to  teach  his 
attendants,  only  by  the  silent  influence  of  example.  In 
short,  I  tried  to  fill  up  on  my  part  the  defects  I  saw  on  theirs. 

I  commenced  this  line  of  conduct  on  the  Sabbath  morning 
succeeding  my  removal.  As  I  have  said,  the  patients  were 
in  an  exceedingly  filthy  condition,  and  therefore  their  per- 
sonal cleanliness  was  plainly  my  first  most  obvious  duty. 
This  morning  I  commenced  by  coaxing  as  many  of  the  pa- 
tients as  I  could,  to  allow  me  to  wash  their  face,  neck  and 


MY  OCCUPATION.  95 

hands  in  a  bowl  of  warm,  clean,  soft  suds;  and  then  I  sham- 
pooed as  many  of  their  filthy  "  live"  heads  as  I  could  find 
time  to  do  before  chapel  service.  When  the  Doctor  visited 
the  ward  that  morning,  I  can  not  forget  the  look  of  surprise 
he  cast  upon  the  row  of  clean  faces  and  combed  hair  he  wit- 
nessed on  the  side  seats  of  the  hall.  Simply  this  process 
alone  so  changed  their  personal  appearance,  that  it  is  no 
wonder  he  had  to  gaze  upon  them  to  recognize  them.  Their 
rough,  tangled,  flying  and  streaming  hair  looked,  when  I 
began,  as  if  a  comb  had  never  touched  them.  He  simply 
bowed  to  me  and  said,  "  Good  morning,  Mrs.  Packard  I"  and 
then  seated  himself  upon  one  of  these  seats,  and  silently 
watched  my  movements  while  I  pursued  this  my  own  chosen 
calling.  Without  even  alluding  to  the  losses  he  had  sub- 
jected me  to,  I  simply  remarked,  "  Doctor,  I  find  I  can  always 
find  something  to  do  for  the  benefit  of  others,  and  you  have 
now  assigned  me  quite  a  missionary  field  to  cultivate'!" 
"  Yes,"  was  his  only  response.  He  did  not  so  much  as  ask 
me  how  I  liked  my  new  room,  or  my  new  associates !  b.ut 
after  seeing  me  shampoo  one  or  two  of  his  patients,  he  arose 
and  left  the  hall,  speechless. 

The  next  day,  Monday  morning,  I  commenced  the  slow 
work  of  reconstruction  and  recuperation  of  the  human 
faculties  in  sober  earnest.  I  first  obtained  from  my  accom- 
modating attendant,  a  bowl  of  warm  saleratus  water  and  a 
quantity  of  castile  soap,  a  soft  cloth  and  two  towels,  and  a 
bowl  of  clear  soft  water.  I  then  took  one  patient  at  a  time 
into  her  room  alone,  and  there  gently  stripped  her  and 
gave  her  a  thorough  sponge  bath  of  this  saleratus  and  wa- 
ter and  soap,  and  then  rinsed  them  well  off  with  the  pure 
water.  I  then  laid  aside  all  her  wet,  filthy,  saturated  and 
offensive  garments,  and  put  clean  ones  on  in  their  place. 
After  combing  her  hair,  I  would  introduce  her  into  the  ward 
as  a  neat,  clean,  tidy  lady,  who  was  going  to  be  an  example 
in  these  virtues  to  all  others  !  being  careful,  however,  to 
prove  the  truth  of  these  compliments  by  tending  upon  her 
as  I  would  my  cleanly  dressed  infant.  By  vigilance  on  my 


96  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

part,  her  clothes  might  be  kept  comparatively  clean  and  dry 
for  two  or  three  days,  before  another  change  would  be 
necessary.  ,  * 

Having  thus  cleaned  the  occupant  of  a  room,  I  then 
cleaned  the  room  in  the  same  manner,  with  the  aid  of  a  pail 
of  strong  saleratus  and  water  and  scrubbing  brush,  I  would 
at  length  succeed  in  finding  the  coat  of  paint  I  was  seeking 
for,  which  had  to  be  done  by  dint  of  patient  perseverance 
equal  to  that  required  to  find  the  skin  of  its  occupant.  It  is 
no  exaggeration  to  say  that  I  never  before  saw  human  beings 
whose  skin  was  so  deeply  embedded  beneath  so  many  layers 
of  dirt  as  those  were.  The  pa.rt  cleaned  would  contrast  so 
strikingly  with  the  part  not  cleaned,  that  it  would  be  diffi- 
cult to  believe  they  belonged  to  the  same  race,  if  on  different 
individuals. 

But  the  scrubbing  of  the  walls  and  the  floor  is  not  the  only 
portion  of  the  room  to  be  cleaned,  by  any  means.  It  was  no 
insignificant  task  to  put  the  bedstead  and  the  bed  into  a 
suitable  condition  for  a  human  being  to  occupy.  In  many 
instances,  the  husk  mattress  I  found  completely  rotted 
through  with  constantly  repeated  showers  upon  it,  and  this 
rot  had  in  most  instances  become  as  black  as  soot,  and  re- 
tained an  effluvia  most  difficult  to  tolerate.  "With  the  aid  of 
the  Misses  Tenny  I  had  all  these  rotten  beds  removed  and 
emptied,  and  the  ticks  washed ;  then  I  cut  out  the  mouldied 
part,  and  supplied  its  place  with  new  cloth,  and  had  it  filled 
again  with  fresh  straw  or  husks,  which  completed  this  part 
of  the  business.  The  sheets  and  blankets  then  passed 
through  the  cleaning  process  ;  but  the  white  counterpanes 
which  covered  up  these  filthy  nests  did  not  need  cleaning. 
They  were  kept  white  and  clean,  by  being  folded  up  every 
night  and  laid  upon  the  seats  in  the  hall,  and  in  the  day  time 
they  were  displayed  upon  the  beds  to  advertise  the  neatness 
and  comfort  of  the  house  and  beds  !  But  if  a  sick  patient 
should  chance  to  lie  down  upon  one  of  these  advertisers  of 
neatness,  the  white  spreads,  she  was  liable  to  receive  some 
of  the  severest  punishments  of  this  inquisitorial  prison,  for 
this  great  offence  against  the  "display  of  the  house." 


MY    OCCUPATION.  97 

The  cleaning  of  one  patient  and  one  room,  together  with 
the  waiting  upon  those  I  had  cleaned,  took  one  day's  labor. 
And  this  I  continued,  day  after  day,  for  about  three  weeks, 
before  I  got  these  eighteen  patients  and  their  rooms  all 
cleaned  ;  and  by  this  time  the  process  needed  to  be  repeated. 
This  I  continued  to  do  for  nearly  one  year,  until  others  began 
to  wake  up  to  the  necessity  of  doing  likewise  in  other  wards, 
as  our  ward  was  by  this  time  reported  to  be  the  neatest  and 
best  kept  ward  in  the  whole  house.  And  even  the  odor  of 
it  could  not  be  surpassed  in  purity. 

This  contagion  for  amelioration  extended  even  to  the 
Trustees,  and  as  the  result,  at  Dr.  McParland's  suggestion, 
each  ward  was  subsequently  furnished  with  a  nice  bathing 
tub,  which  the  Trustees  designed  only  for  the  comfort  of  the 
patients,  as  the  Doctor  urged  the  need  now  of  the  weekly 
bathing  of  all  of  the  patients.  But  I  am  sorry  to  add,  this 
great  luxury,  like  the  institution  itself,  has  degenerated  into 
the  greatest  torment  to  the  patient.  The  bath  room  is  re- 
garded by  the  prisoners  there  as  the  "  calaboose  "  used  to  be 
by  the  slave  at  the  South. 

The  Doctor  visited  this  ward  almost  every  day,  but  never 
to  ameliorate  my  condition,  or  that  of  any  other  prisoner,  so 
far  as  I  could  see.  He  would  see  the  great  drops  of  sweat 
rolling  off  from  my  face,  from  the  excessive  exercise  this 
scrubbing  and  mopping  afforded  me,  but  I  do  not  recollect 
that  he  ever  advised  me  to  desist.  But  Miss  Tenny  has  told 
me  that  he  had  said  to  her,  "  You  must  not  let  Mrs.  Packard 
work  too  hard,  for  I  am  afraid  her  husband  won't  like  it." 
I  do  not  think  the  Doctor  cared  for  this  ameliorated  condition 
of  his  prisoners ;  but  he  dared  not  oppose  it  directly,  since 
the  filthiness  of  the  Eighth  ward  had  become  so  proverbial, 
it  became  a  source  of  apprehension  lest  these  mephitic  ex- 
halations might  breed  a  pestilence  in  the  Hospital.  The 
typhoid  fever  had  raged  there  during  the  summer  months 
preceding  this  expurgating  process.  During  this  sickness, 
the  Doctor  had  assigned  to  my  care  sonic  of  these  typhoid 
patients,  whom  I  nursed  and  tended  night  and  day.  I  made 
E 


98    ,  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  shroud  of  Mrs.  Hart,   from  Chicago,    who   died  of  this 
epidemic  there. 

Mrs.  Hart  had  been  a  most  unwilling  prisoner  for  seven 
long  years,  and  from  all  I  can  learn,  I  believe  she  has  been  a 
victim  of  marital  cruelty,  but  never  was  insane.  Her  hus- 
band put  her  in  without  trial,  and  the  Doctor  took  her  on  his 
testimony,  and  kept  her  to  please  him,  all  the  while  knowing, 
as  I  believe,  that  she  was  not  insane.  This  is  only  one  of 
many  of  those  innocent  victims,  who  have  been  falsely  im- 
prisoned for  life,  under  that  most  barbarous  law  of  Illinois, 
which  suspends  the  personal  liberty  of  married  women,  en- 
tirely upon  the  capricious  will  of  the  husband.  I  saw  Mr. 
Hart,  her  husband,  who  came  simply  for  appearances,  as  it 
seemed  to  me,  to  see  her  during  her  last  sickness,  but  who 
became  so  very  impatient  for  her  death,  that  he  could  not 
stay  to  see  her  die,  although  it  was  almost  certain  she  could 
not  live  two  days  longer,  when  he  left.  Thus,  his  wife,  whom 
his  will  alone  had  deprived  of  her  children,  home,  and  liberty 
for  seven  years,  could  not  have  granted  her  dying  request,  that 
he  stay  by  her  to  close  her  eyes,  but  left,  and  coolly  ordered 
her  body  to  be  sent  home  to  Chicago,  by  express,  in  a  decent 
coffin,  when  she  did  die.  I  helped  dress  the  corpse  of  the  un- 
fortunate victim.  I  saw  her  passed  into  the  hands  of  four 
stranger  men  in  the  dead  of  night,  and  carried  mournerless, 
and  alone,  to  the  depot,  to  be  sent  to  her  children  and  hus- 
band, at  Chicago. 

Oh  !  what  reckless  sundering  of  human  ties  are  caused  by 
this  Insane  Asylum  system  !  These  children  are  taught  to 
regard  their  mother  as  a  worthless  being,  because  she  had  the 
cruel  brand  of  insanity  placed  upon  her  by  her  husband, 
signed  and  sealed  by  a  corrupt  public  servant,  whom  a  blinded 
public  were  regarding  as  an  almost  infallible  man.  Thus 
have  the  holiest  ties  of  nature,  been  most  ruthlessly  sundered 
by  the  perfidy  of  this  corrupt  Institution. 

As  I  witnessed  the  sum  of  all  our  social  evils  culminating 
in  this  most  corrupt  Institution,  I  resolved,  that  here,  hence- 
forth, and  forever,  my  occupation  should  be,  to  eradicate, 


HOW  I  GOT  MY  PAPEKS.       .  99 

expose,  and    destroy    this  sum  of  all  human    abominations — 
the  Insane  Asylum  system,  on  its  present  basis. 


XIT. 
How  I  Obtained  my  Papers. 

Before  entering  upon  my  Prison  scenes,  as  delineated  in  my 
journal,  it  may  gratify  my  readers  to  know  how  I  obtained 
my  Asylum  papers,  containing  portions  of  my  journal,  and 
my  bible  class  papers,  to  which  I  have  already  referred, 
although  by  so  doing,  I  must  go  back  a  little  in  my  narrative. 

The  greatest  part  of  my  Asylum  journal  I  secured,  by 
hiding  it  behind  a  false  lining  in  my  band  box.  One  day  I 
found  a  piece  of  wall  paper,  and  I  clandestinely  sewed  this 
into  my  band  box  for  a  lining,  behind  which  and  around  the 
box  I  hid  my  papers.  Some  of  them  I  hid  between,  the 
black  cloth  and  the  board  on  the  bottom  of  my  satchel.  I 
cut  open  the  edge  and  scaled  it  off  with  a  case  knife,  and 
after  filling  the  pocket  thus  made,  I  sewed  it  up,  where  they 
were  kept  undiscovered.  Some  I  hid  between  the  millinet 
crown  and  the  outside  covering  of  my  traveling  bonnet.  I 
encircled  this  crown  with  so  many  thicknesses  of  paper,  that 
it  sometimes  caused  the  exclamation,  "  How  heavy  this  bon- 
net is  !"  I  never  told,  until  I  got  out  of  the  Asylum,  in  what 
the  weight  consisted. 

These  bible  class  papers  I  regarded  as  my  only  available 
means  of  self-defence  from  the  charge  of  insanity,  therefore 
I  clung  to  them  with  great  tenacity.  I  intended  to  make 
them  the  basis  of  my  plea  in  self-defence  before  the  jury 
which  Mr.  Comstock  had  told  me  I  must  have  before  com- 
mitment. But  if  this  trial  should  be  evaded  in  any  way,  I 
intended  to  retain  them,  as  my  only  armor  of  defence. 
During  the  three  weeks  that  Mr.  Packard  left  my  room,  I 
kept  them  hid  under  the  head  of  my  bed ;  but  the  Saturday 


100  THE  PEISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

previous  to  my  abduction,  I  concluded  to  keep  them  hence- 
forth about  my  person,  I  therefore  made  arrangements  to  put 
a  pocket  into  my  under  skirt ;  but  before  I  had  completed  it 
I  was  called  off  to  attend  to  other  duties.  But  Sabbath 
night,  when  I  espied  Mr.  Packard  so  carefully  and  clandes- 
tinely searching  into  all  my  private  apartments,  I  felt 
alarmed  for  the  safety  of  my  papers,  thinking  they  might 
possibly  be  the  object  of  his  search.  Therefore,  until  my 
pocket  was  completed,  I  put  them  into  a  small  box,  and  hid 
them  in  the  wardrobe  of  my  own  room,  and  Monday  morning, 
when  I.  ~W.  got  up,  I  called  him  to  my  room,  to  tell  him 
where  I  had  hid  them,  that  he  might,  if  necessary,  save  them 
for  me.  Said  I,  ''  My  son,  these  papers  may  be  your  moth- 
er's only  means  of  self-defence,  and  unless  we  can  evade  Mr. 
Packard's  search,  he  will  deprive  your  mother  of  this  last 
and  only  means  of  vindicating  her  sanity.  Now,  my  son,  if 
I  am  ever  kidnapped  and  you  cannot  defend  me,  be  sure  that 
you  protect  these  papers,  for  they  are  next  to  defending  me, 
so  far  as  my  reputation  for  sanity  is  concerned.  I  intend 
to-day  to  finish  my  pocket  and  carry  them  about  my  person." 
"  I  will  certainly  regard  your  request,  and  protect  your 
papers."  Saying  this,  he  kissed  me  and  left,  assuring  me  he 
should  soon  be  back  and  take  me  to  ride  to  Mr.  Rumsey's. 
But  before  he  returned,  my  kidnappers  came  and  claimed 
my  person,  but  allowed  me  no  chance  to  take  my  papers  with 
me.  It  seems  Mr.  Packard  feared  I  should  take  them,  there- 
fore to  prevent  my  having  any  opportunity  to  do  so,  he 
ordered  Miss  Rumsey  not  to  leave  me  alone  in  my  room  one 
minute  after  the  physicians  left  it.  Notwithstanding  I  had 
only  half  bathed  myself  when  he  forced  an  entrance  into  my 
room  with  an  ax  through  the  window,  I  was  compelled  to 
flee  into  my  bed,  to  prevent  my  introduction  to  my  guests  in 
a  state  of  nudity,  he  would  not  allow  me  to  be  alone  long 
enough  to  complete  my  ablution.  I  not  only  asked  this 
privilege,  but  I  reasoned  with  him  on  the  impropriety  of 
compelling  me  to  appear  in  this  condition  before  Miss  Rum- 
sey. But  all  to  no  purpose.  My  reasons  and  requests  were 


HOW  I  GOT  MY  PAPERS. 


101 


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102  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

had  given  me  for  that  amount  of  my  patrimony  money  which 
my  father  had  sent  me  a  few  years  before.  This  note  I  have 
never  seen,  nor  have  I  ever  had  one  cent  of  the  money  it 
secured  to  me. 

Mr.  Packard's  pile  of  stolen  papers  was  increased  by  sev- 
eral additions  Dr.  McFarland  made  to  it  by  robbing  me  of 
my  private  papers  while  in  my  prison,  and  sending  them  to 
Mr.  Packard.  After  my  liberation  from  prison,  I  tried  va- 
rious methods  to  obtain  them,  but  all  in  vain,  until  I  made 
him  the  following  proposal:  Mr.  Packard  had  for  some  time 
been  trying  to  induce  me  to  sign  a  deed,  so  that  he  could  sell 
some  real  estate,  and  I  had  objected,  unless  he  should  give 
me  some  equivalent  for  what  he  had  already  unjustly  taken 
from  me.  This  he  would  not  do.  He  therefore  went  to 
Esquire  La  Brie,  and  took  an  oath  that  his  wife  was  insane, 
so  that  he  could  sell  the  property  without  my  signature. 
Finding  my  refusal  was  not  going  to  save  my  right  of  dower, 
or  prevent  his  selling  the  property,  I  proposed  to  him  that  I 
would  sign  the  deed  on  condition  that  he  would  restore  to  me 
my  papers.  He  accordingly  called  in  Esquire  La  Brie  to 
witness  my  signature,  and  in  his  presence  he  gave  me  my 
papers,  as  I  had  proposed.  This  signature  was  acknowledged 
as  valid,  although  two  days  before  Mr.  Packard  had  taken 
an  oath  on  the  Bible,  that  I  was  insane,  and  thereby  incom- 
petent to  sign  a  deed  !  By  means  of  this  perjury  on  his  part, 
my  papers  were  restored  to  me. 

XY. 
Eyidences  of  My  Insanity. 

When  a  person  is  once  accused  of  being  insane,  the  re- 
flective mind  naturally  inquires,  how  is  their  insanity  mani- 
fested? This  question  was  often  put  to  Mr.  Packard,  and 
knowing  all  would  not  be  satisfied  by  his  simple  assertion, 
he  was  obliged  to  manufacture  his  proof  or  evidence  to 
satisfy  this  class. 


EVIDENCES  OF   MY  INSANITY.  103 

One  evidence  on  which  he  placed  great  reliance  was,  "that 
his  wife  invited  Universalist  ministers  to  his  house  for  enter- 
tainment during  a  Convention."  Yes,  I  do  plead  guilty  to 
this  charge.  I  did  offer  the  hospitalities  of  our  house  to 
ministers  of  this  class  under  these  circumstances  :  It  was 
at  Mount  Pleasant,  Iowa,  that  this  Convention  met  and 
dedicated  a  new  church,  located  a  few  rods  from  our  house. 
To  my  great  surprise  Mr.  Packard  proposed  to  attend  this 
dedication,  which  he  did,  and  I  accompanied  him,  and  listened 
to  a  sermon  of  high  literary  merit,  and  to  me,  a  morally 
sound  and  logical  argument  was  for  the  first  time  presented 
to  my  mind,  that  God's  infinite  love  and  wisdom  were  sure 
guarantees  of  the  world's  redemption.  The  argument  was 
this — "  Where  there  is  both  will  and  power  to  cure,  no  evil 
can  endure." 

The  church  was  crowded  to  overflowing,  and  the  Conven- 
tion being  larger  in  numbers  than  their  own  people  could 
conveniently  accommodate,  the  Chairman  of  the  Committee 
of  Arrangements  presented  this  fact  to  the  congregation,  and 
very  kindly  solicited  their  neighbors  and  friends,  who  could 
do  so,  to  take  them  into  their  families,  and  all  such  were 
asked  to  leave  their  names  at  the  stand  as  they  passed  out. 

Since  but  a  short  time  previous,  the  Congregationalist 
society  had  so  large  an  Association  they  had  been  obliged  to 
solicit  the  hospitalities  of  other  denominations,  and  as  I  had 
called  upon  our  Universalist  neighbors  to  accommodate  us, 
I  instinctively  felt  that  it  was  only  paying  a  debt  of  honor 
and  justice  to  offer  now  to  accommodate  their  ministers. 
Therefore,  as  I  passed  down  the  aisle  by  my  husband's  side, 
I  whispered  to  him  that  I  could  accommodate  two.  "  Shall 
I  give  in  our  names  for  two?"  said  I.  He  paid  no  attention 
to  me  or  my  inquiry,  but  passed  on  by  the  stand  without 
speaking  to  any  one.  Seeing  it  devolved  upon  me  to  make 
the  offer,  if  made  at  all,  I  stepped  up  and  gave  in  my  name 
for  two  and  passed  on  and  overtook  Mr.  Packard  a  few  steps 
from  the  door,  and  taking  his  arm  said,  "  I  have  offered  to 
take  two,  and  I  must  now  hasten  home  and  prepare  for 


104  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

them."  He  made  no  reply  whatever,  but  his  silence  said, 
"I  don't  approve  of  it."  Therefore  I  reasoned  in  defence 
of  the  act  as  an  act  of  justice,  etc.;  and  besides  as  all  the 
labor  of  serving  the  tables,  as  well  as  the  services  of  the 
maid  of  all  work  devolved  upon  me,  I  felt  that  if  I  was  will- 
ing to  do  all  this  extra  work,  no  one  could  reasonably  object, 
as  I  thought.  But  fortunately  for  me,  I  had  hardly  com- 
menced my  preparations  when  the  Chairman  called  and 
informed  me  that  their  friends  were  all  provided  for,  so  that 
my  service  was  not  needed  ;  and  after  kindly  thanking  me  for 
my  hospitable  offer  he  left  me,  with  the  feeling  on  my  part 
of  having  done  my  duty,  and  here  the  subject  was  dropped. 

But  years  after,  to  my  surprise  and  horror,  he  brought  this 
act  up  as  evidence  of  my  insanity  !  and  his  argument  against 
me  was,  that  if  they  had  come,  he  might,  in  courtesy,  have 
been  obliged  to  have  asked  a  Universalist  minister  to  ask  a 
blessing  at  his  table,  or  even  to  lead  in  family  prayers  !  and, 
only  think  !  this  too,  in  the  presence  of  his  children ! 

Another  evidence  of  insanity  he  alleged  against  me,  was 
that  I  gave  a  dollar  towards  building  a  Catholic  church  in 
Manteno.  I  plead  guilty  to  this  charge  also.  We  had  a 
very  kind  Christian  neighbor  in  Mr.  La  Brie,  who  was  a 
Catholic  from  principle,  in  the  same  sense  that  Mr.  Packard 
was  Presbyterian  from  principle ;  that  is,  both  had  been 
educated  to  feel  that  their  own  was  the  true  church,  and 
therefore  both  were  conscientious  in  sustaining  them.  Mr. 
Packard  was  trying  to  build  up  Presbyterianism  by  his  efforts, 
and  he,  of  course,  expected  to  be  paid  for  doing  this  work;  but 
the  society  was  new  and  feeble,  and  therefore  in  their 
struggles  to  raise  his  salary,  the  collector,  Deacon  Smith, 
called  on  Mr.  La  Brie  to  help  them,  arid  he  with  true  Chris- 
tian charity,  contributed  yearly  to  Mr.  Packard's  support. 

One  evening  I  called  on  Mr.  La  Brie,  to  ask  his  opinion 
respecting  my  article  on  "  Spiritual  Gifts,"  which  our  bible 
class  had  refused  to  hear,  and  he  very  patiently  listened  and 
commented  upon  it.  He  expressed  his  opinion  that  it  was 
a  sound,  logical,  and  invincible  argument  in  favor  of  what  the 


EVIDENCES  OF  MY  INSANITY.  106 

Catholics  had  always  considered  the  true  view.  This  asser- 
tion very  much  surprised  me,  as  I  had  always  been  taught  to 
believe  that  the  Catholics  were  a  deluded  people,  believing 
nothing  but  absurdities  ;  but  now,  when  I  found  out  that  I 
had  alone  studied  out  a  view  of  truth  which  they  had  always 
endorsed,  and  one  to  which  our  church  would  not  so  much  as 
listen,  lest  it  might  be  found  to  be  heretical,  I  began  to  ask 
where  religious  toleration  is  to  be  found,  in  the  Presbyterian 
or  the  Catholic  church?  I  had  here  found  the  Christian  spirit 
of  charity  and  religious  toleration  manifested  to  a  far  higher 
degree  in  Mr.  La  Brie,  the  Catholic,  than  in  Deacon  Smith, 
the  Presbyterian. 

I  therefore  came  to  the  conclusion  that  there  were  not  only 
truths  in  the  Catholic  church,  but  also  good  Christians  in 
it.  As  the  scales  of  bigotry  thus  fell  from  my  own  eyes, 
I  could  see  that  the  Catholics  were  just  as  conscientious  in 
sustaining  their  church,  as  we  were  in  sustaining  ours  ;  and 
finding  what  struggles  they  were  making  to  pay  their  debts, 
I  felt  moved  to  manifest  my  new  feeling  of  toleration,  by 
giving  him  one  dollar  towards  helping  them  liquidate  their 
debt.  And  now  for  this  act  of  toleration,  I  am  called  insane; 
for  Mr.  Packard  argues  that  I  should  not  thus  be  building  up 
this  "mother  of  all  abominations,"  this  "seat  of  bigotry  and 
intolerance,"  unless  I  had  lost  my  reason.  The  reason  which 
remains  in  exercise  in  my  organization  teaches  me  that  there 
are  truths  in  all  denominations  and  parties,  and  there  are 
errors  in  all,  and  our  reason  is  only  normally  exercised,  in 
my  opinion,  when  we  use  it  in  separating  the  good  and  true, 
from  the  evil  and  false. 

Again,  he  says  1  call  him  the  "  son  of  perdition."  I  shall 
not  plead  guilty  to  this  charge,  for  it  is  not  strictly  true.  I 
have  oftentimes  tried  to  convince  Mr.  Packard  that  he  was 
not  a  "  totally  depraved  "  man.  But  all  in  vain.  He  seems 
strangely  determined  to  cling  to  this  crowning  virtue  of  his 
Christian  character,  with  a  death-like  grapple  !  It  seems  that 
all  his  hopes  of  heaven  are  built  upon  this  foundation  stone  I 
In  his  creed,  there  can  be  no  real  virtue  without  it.  So  tena- 
E2 


106  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

ciously  does  he  cling  to  this  position  as  the  only  redeeming 
trait  of  his  character,  that  I  have  sometimes  been  tempted 
to  say,  "  Well,  Mr.  Packard,  I  do  not  know  but  what  you 
are  what  you  claim  to  be,  a  totally  depraved  man,  or  the  'son 
of  perdition,'  for  whom  there  is  not  found  a  ransom."  When 
I  come  to  admit  his  own  position,  and  express  an  agreement 
of  opinion  with  him,  on  this  point,  then  he  uses  this  conces- 
sion as  a  weapon  against  me,  as  though  I  had  accused  him  of 
being  the  "  son  of  perdition." 

Again,  he  accuses  me  of  punishing  the  children  for  obeying 
their  father.  This  is  not  true.  I  never  did  punish  a  child 
for  obeying  their  father,  but  I  have  sometimes  been  compelled 
to  enforce  obedience  to  their  father's  authority,  by  interposing 
my  own.  Indeed,  I  think  my  children  could  never  have 
reverenced  their  father's  authority,  without  the  maternal 
influence  to  inspire  it,  by  requiring  subjection  to  it ;  for  the 
fitful,  unstable,  and  arbitrary  government  he  exercised  over 
them,  was  only  fitted,  naturally,  to  inspire  contempt,  rather 
than  reverence.  But  Mr.  Packard  has  tried  to  undermine 
my  authority,  by  telling  the  children  they  need  not  obey  their 
mother,  and  I  have  been  obliged  to  counteract  this  influence, 
by  enforcing  obedience,  sometimes,  where  he  has  interposed 
and  forbid  their  obeying  me.  This  is  what  he  calls  punishing 
the  children,,  for  obeying  their  father,  whereas,  it  is  only 
requiring  them  to  obey  their  mother. 

Another  evidence,  and  one  which  his  sister,  Mrs.  Dole, 
presented  to  the  jury  on  my  trial,  was  that  I  once  made 
biscuit  for  dinner,  when  I  had  unexpected  company  call,  and 
had  not  bread  enough  for  the  table.  The  reason  why  this 
was  mentioned,  was  because  the  counsel  insisted  on  evidence 
being  produced  from  my  own  actions,  independent  of  opinions 
that  I  was  insane,  and  she  having  been  more  intimate  in  our 
family  than  any  other  person,  was  compelled,  under  oath,  to 
state  what  she  saw.  Being  unwilling  to  own  she  h.ad  seen 
nothing  insane  in  my  conduct,  and  being  bound  to  spe.ik  only 
the  truth,  she  told  this  circumstance  as  the  greatest  aet  of 
insanity  she  had  noticed. 


ABUSIVE  ATTENDANT.  107 

But  I  trust  my  readers  will  be  satisfied  with  this  array  of 
evidence  which  my  persecutors  bought  against  me,  if  I  only 
add  the  sum  total  of  proof  as  brought  by  Dr.  Brown,  an  M.  D. 
of  Kankakee  City,  whom  Mr.  Packard  bought  to  say  I  was 
insane,  for  the  purpose  of  getting  me  incarcerated  again  for 
life  in  Northampton,  Mass.  This  Doctor  had  left  the  wheel- 
wright business  and  studied  just  long  enough  to  experience 
the  sophomorical  feeling  that  his  opinion  would  be  entitled  to 
infallibility,  especially  if  given  in  the  high-flown  language' 
of  an  expert ;  therefore,  the  last  of  fifteen  reasons  why  he 
considered  me  insane,  was  in  these  words,  as  taken  down  by 
the  reporter  at  the  time,  viz:  "  The  fifteenth  reason  which 
I  have  written  down,  on  which  I  have  founded  my  opinion 
that  she  is  insane  is,  her  viewing  the  subject  of  religion  from 
the  osteric  standpoint  of  Christian  exegetical  analysis,  and 
agglutinating  the  polsymthetical  ectoblasts  of  homogeneous 
asceticism  1" 


xvx 

The  Attendant  who  Abused  Me. 

Mrs.  De  La  Hay,  wife  of  Dr.  De  La  Hay,  of  Jacksonville, 
was  the  only  one  of  all  the  employees  at  the  Asylum  whom 
the  Doctor  could  influence  to  treat  me  personally  like  an 
insane  person.  She  has  threatened  me  with  the  scieen  room, 
and  this  threat  has  been  accompanied  with  the  flourish  of  a 
butcher  knife  over  my  head,  for  simply  passing  a  piece  of 
Johnny  cake  through  a  crack  under  my  door,  to  a  hungry 
patient  who  was  locked  in  her  room  to  suffer  starvation,  as 
her  discipline  for  her  insanity.  Besides  threatening  me  with 
the  screen  room,  she  threatened  to  jacket  me  for  speaking  at 
th«  table. 

One  day,  after  she  had  been  treating  her  patients  with 
groat  injustice  and  cruelty,  I  addressed  Mrs.  McKonkey,  who 
sat  next  to  me  at  the  table,  and  in  an  undertone  remarked, 


108  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"  I  am  thankful  there  is  a  recording  angel  present,  noting 
what  is  going  on  in  these  wards,"  when  Mrs.  De  La  Hay, 
overhearing  my  remark,  exclaimed,  in  a  very  angry  tone, 
"Mrs.  Packard,  stop  your  .voice  !  if  you  speak  another  word 
at  the  table  I  shall  put  a  straight  jacket  on  you !  " 

Mrs.  Lovel,  one  of  the  prisoners  replied,  "  Mrs.  De  La  Hay, 
did  you  ever  have  a  straight-jacket  on  yourself?" 

"No,  my  position  protects  me  !  but  I  would  as  soon  put 
one  on  Mrs.  Packard  as  any  other  patient,  'recording  angel' 
or  no  'recording  angel !'  and  Dr.  McFarland  will  protect,  me 
in  doing  so,  too." 

On  another  occasion,  hearing  the  sound  of  conflict  in  our 
ward,  I  opened  my  door,  and  saw  Mrs.  De  La  Hay  seize  Miss 
Mary  Rollins,  a  prisoner,  by  her  throat,  and  Mary  pulled  the 
hair  of  Mrs.  De  La  Hay  with  as  firm  a  grip,  as  she  held  on  to 
her  victim's  throat.  I,  fearing  the  result,  rallied  help  and 
parted  them,  when  I  found  poor  Mary's  throat  bleeding  from 
an  opening  Mrs.  De  La  Hay  had  made  in  it  with  her  finger 
nails.  I  took  a  piece  of  my  own  linen,  and  bound  it  up,  wet 
in  cold  water  ;  and  this  cloth  I  still  retain,  red  with  the  blood 
of  this  innocent  girl,  as  proof  of  this  kind  of  abuse  in  Jack- 
sonville Insane  Asylum. 

It  was  my  defence  of  the  prisoners  from  Mrs.  De  La  Hay's 
unreasonable  abuse  which  led  her  to  treat  me  as  she  did.  It 
was  not  long  after  this  defence  of  Mary  Rollins,  that  I  heard 
loud  screams  and  groans  issuing  from  a  dormitory,  when  I 
and  my  associates  rushed  into  the  room  to  see  what  was  the 
matter.  There  we  found  one  of  the  prisoners  lying  upon 
her  back,  with  Mrs.  De  La  Hay  over  her,  trying  to  put  on  a 
straight-jacket.  This  lady  was  screaming  from  physical 
agony,  on  account  of  an  injury  Mrs.  De  La  Hay  had  inflicted 
upon  her  a  few  days  before,  when  she  burst  a  blood  vessel  on 
her  lungs,  by  strangling  her  under  the  water.  This  plunging 
ehe  had  inflicted  as  her  punishment  for  not  obeying  her  when 
she  told  her  to  stop  talking.  And  now  this  wounded  spot 
on  her  lungs  had  become  so  inflamed,  that  the  pressure  of 
Mrs.  De  La  Hay's  hands  upon  it,  together  with  tho  stricture 


ABUSIVE  ATTENDANT.  109 

of  the  straight-jacket,  caused  her  to  scream  from  agony. 
I  inquired,  "  What  is  the  matter?  Why  are  you  putting 
the  straight-jacket  on  that  woman?" 

Without  answering  my  question,  she  exclaimed  in  a  loud 
voice,  "  Mrs.  Packard,  leave  this  room  !"  I  backed  out  over 
the  threshold,  still  looking  towards  her  victim,  and  repeated 
my  question,  "  Why  are  you  putting  her  into  the  straight- 
jacket  ?  What  has  she  done  ?"  This  time,  she  left  her  victim, 
and  came  at  me  in  a  great  rage,  and  seizing  my  arm,  she  said 
<'  Go  to  your  room."  As  she  was  leading  me  unresistingly 
along,  one  of  the  prisoners  took  hold  of  her  arm,  and  ex- 
claimed, "  Mrs.  DeLaHay,  do  you  know  what  you  are  about? 
Do  you  know  that  is  Mrs.  Packard  you  are  locking  up?" 

"  Yes,  I  do,  and  I  am  obeying  Dr.  McFarland  in  what  I  am 
doing.  He  tells  me  not  to  let  Mrs.  Packard  interfere  with 
the  management  of  the  patients." 

She  led  me  to  my  room,  where  I  was  locked  up  until  the 
next  morning.  While  there,  I  heard  the  Doctor's  footsteps 
in  the  hall,  and  I  heard  Mrs.  DeLaHay  tell  him  why  she  had 
locked  me  up,  and  he  sanctioned  the  act  by  leaving  me  locked 
up,  without  coming  to  my  room  at  all. 

The  next  day  I  ascertained,  that  die  was  disciplining  this 
dormitory  prisoner  with  the  straight-jacket,  because  she  had 
found  her  upon  her  bed,  trying  to  rest  herself  from  the  pains 
this  rupture  on  her  lungs  was  causing  her. 

So  far  as  Mrs.  DeLaHay's  treatment  of  me  was  concerned, 
I  do  not  consider  her  so  much  to  blame,  as  Dr.  McFarland 
was.  Unlike  my  other  attendants,  she  was  too  weak  to  resist 
the  Doctor's  influence  over  her,  and  therefore  carried  out  his 
wishes,  while  the  others  would  not.  Had  my  other  attend- 
ants carried  out  his  wishes,  my  Asylum  discipline  would  have 
been  as  severe  as  the  other  prisoners'  were. 

It  was  a  very  noticeable  fact,  that  the  very  means  Mrs. 
DeLaHay  used  to  secure  and  retain  the  Doctor's  favor,  by 
abusing  me,  was  the  very  excuse  the  Doctor  made  for  dis- 
charging her  ;  and  the  boast  that  her  position  protected  her 
from  the  straight-jacket,  did  not  prove  a  very  defensive  armor, 


110  THE  PEISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

for  in  a  few  months  from  the  time  she  uttered  it,  she  became 
insane  and  a  tenant  of  Jacksonville  Poor  House! 


XVII. 
"Let  Dr.  McFarland  Bear  his  own  Sins!" 

One  day  while  in  my  room,  I  heard  an  uncommon  noise  in 
our  ward,  when,  on  suddenly  opening  my  door,  I  saw  nearly 
opposite,  Dr.  McFarland  just  as  he  had  released  his  grasp  of 
Bridget's  throat,  who  had  been  struggling  for  her  life,  to 
avoid  strangulation  from  his  grasp.  I  did  not  see  the  Doc- 
tor's hand  upon  her  throat,  but  I  did  see  what  she  said  was 
the  marks  of  his  thumb  on  one  side  of  her  throat,  and  of  his 
fingers  upon  the  other,  and  Bridget  had  a  sore  neck  for  some 
days  afterwards,  in  consequence  of  it.  Bridget,  the  prisoner's 
account  of  the  matter  is  this ;  the  Doctor  entered  the  ward 
just  after  a  prisoner  had  broken  a  chair,  and  the  pieces  were 
still  lying  upon  the  floor.  Bridget  stood  by  while  Mrs. 
DeLaHay  explained  the  case  to  the  Doctor,  simply  as  a  lis- 
tener. She  had  had  nothing  to  do  with  breaking  the  chair. 
Mrs.  DeLaHay  also  stood  by,  waiting  the  Doctor's  orders. 
The  Doctor  turned  to  Bridget  and  said,  "  Pick  up  those 
pieces  1" 

"  I  shan't  do  it !  I  didn't  come  here  to  work  !  It  is  your 
attendants'  business  to  do  the  work.  He  then,  without  saying 
a  word,  seized  me  by  the  throat,  and  the  noise  you  heard  was 
my  struggle  for  deliverance." 

"  Why,  Bridget  !"  said  I,  "  How  dare  you  speak  so  to  the 
Doctor,  and  why  didn't  you  obey  him  ?" 

"  I  wouldn't  have  done  it  if  he  had  killed  me  !  I  didn't 
come  here  to  do  his  work,  and  I  wont  do  it  !" 

This  was  Bridget's  account,  and  it  was  confirmed,  not  only 
by  all  the  witnessing  patients,  but  also  by  Mrs.  DeLaHay 
herself.  Bridget  was  a  quiet,  inoffensive  prisoner.  I  never 
saw  her  evince  anything  but  reasonable  conduct,  when  she 
was  reasonably  dealt  by,  and  she  was  one  of  my  dormitory 


ATTEMPTED   RECONCILIATION.  Ill 

companions  for  many  months.  She  was  always  obedient  to 
reasonable  commands,  but  like  human  beings  generally,  she 
felt  that  she  had  rights  of  her  own,  which  ought  to  be  re- 
spected. 

Bridget  has  immortalized  herself  in  my  memory,  by  the 
lesson  in  theology  she  taught  me  the  first  night  I  occupied  the 
room  with  her.  It  was  under  these  circumstances.  As  was 
my  uniform  practice,  I  kneeled  in  front  of  my  bed  that  night, 
before  1  got  into  it,  to  offer  my  silent  prayer  for  protection 
and  help,  when  Bridget,  from  the  opposite  bed,  exclaimed, 
"  Pray  aloud  !"  I  obeyed. 

This  being  the  first  night  of  my  consignment  to  this  loath- 
some place,  I  had  to  struggle  mentally,  against  the  indulgence 
of  revengeful  feelings  towards  the  Doctor,  for  the  injustice  of 
the  act ;  therefore,  to  crush  them  out,  1  tried  to  pray  for  his 
forgiveness,  and  in  doing  so  I  made  use  of  the  expression, 
"Lord,  I  am  willing  to  even  bear  his  punishment  for  him,  if, 
by  this  means  he  can  be  forgiven  for  this  act  of  injustice 
towards  me."  Just  at  this  point,  Bridget  interrupted  me  by 
exclaiming  with  great  vehemence,  "  Let  Dr.  McFarland  bear 
his  own  sins." 

1  am  now  of  Bridget's  mind  entirely.  Her  sermon  con- 
verted me  from  the  theological  error  of  vicarious  suffering. 
I  have  never  since  asked  my  Father  to  let  me  bear  the  pun- 
ishment of  any  other  brother  or  sister,  due  them  for  their 
own  sins  ;  neither  have  I  asked  any  other  intelligence  to  bear 
the  punishment  due  me  for  my  own  sins. 

XVIII. 
Attempted  Reconciliation  with  Mr.  Packard. 

The  last  letter  I  wrote  Mr.  Packard,  I  told  him  plainly  on 
what  conditions  I  would  return  to  him.  But  it  seems  Dr. 
McFarland  was  not  willing  we  should  be  reconciled  on  such  a 
basis,  for  he  would  not  send  the  letter,  although  Mr-,  Packard 
was  calling  most  persistently  for  letters  from  me.  But  he 


112  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

called  in  vain,  as  1  said  in  this  letter,  I  should  never  answer 
any  more  of  his  letters,  nor  write  him  again  until  this  letter 
was  answered.  He  begged  of  the  Superintendent  to  get  me 
to  write,  and  he  would  show  me  these  letters,  when  I  would 
tell  him,  "  When  I  get  a  reply  to  my  last  letter  I  will  write, 
but  not  before,  and  if  you,  Doctor,  ever  wish  me  to  write  him 
again,  send  that  letter,  first."  But  like  the  deaf  adder,  he 
heard  as  though  he  heard  not,  and  the  ever  repeated  question 
would  come,  "why  don't  you  write  to  Mr.  Packard?"  I  finally 
told  him  "  If  you  cannot  understand  my  reason,  and  will  not 
report  it  to  Mr.  Packard,  he  must  ever  remain  in  ignorance 
of  the  reason  I  do  not  write  him." 

But  it  seems  he  never  communicated  these  messages,  nor 
would  he  send  the  letter,  but  simply  told  him,  "I  cannot  per- 
suade her  to  write  you."  Finally^  Dr.  Sturtevant  informed 
me,  that  Mr.  Packard  had  wished  him  to  try  to  persuade  me 
to  write  him,  and  he  asked  me  why  I  could  not  grant  his 
request.  I  told  him  I  had  written,  and  the  Doctor  had  the 
letter  but  he  would  not  send  it,  and  just  as  soon  as  that  letter 
was  satisfactorily  answered,  I  would  open  a  free  correspond- 
ence with  him.  Whether  the  Doctor  allowed  him  to  report 
my  only  true  reason  I  know  not,  but  after  that,  the  Doctor 
told  me  he  had  burned  my  letter,  because  he  considered  it 
"  worthless."  I  know  not  whether  this  was  the  letter  he  thus 
disposed  of,  or  some  of  my  many  others  I  had  given  him  to 
send  to  other  friends.  This  fact  I  do  know,  that  so  long  as 
my  letters  were  sent  through  this  post-office,  my  friends  never 
received  them,  with  one  or  two  exceptions.  My  journal  con- 
tains copies  of  all  these  letters,  which  I  have  shown  to  those 
family  friends  to  whom  they  were  written,  and  they  tell  me 
they  never  received  them. 

Now  here  is  a  branch  of  the  United  States  mail  established 
within  this  public  Institution,  and  the  mail  carrier  transports 
it  regularly,  protected  by  lock  and  key,  and  yet  I  could  not 
get  a  letter  into  it,  nor  get  one  from  it,  although  directed 
directly  to  me.  Indeed,  I  felt  most  keenly  the  truth  of  the 
remark  the  mail  carrier  made  me,  when  I  once  met  him  and 


ATTEMPTED    RECONCILIATION.  113 

enquired  if  he  had  any  letters  for  me.  Said  he,  "Mrs.  Pack- 
ard, you  have  just  as  good  a  right  to  your  mail  as  any  other 
citizen  of  the  United  States."  Why  then  is  not  this  right 
granted  me?  Because  one  man  chooses  to  say,  "  I  will  super- 
intend this  inalienable  right,  and  usurp  it  when  I  please,  and 
no  one  can  harm  me  in  so  doing."  I  ask  this  Republican 
Government,  is  this  protecting  the  post  office  rights  of  all  its 
citizens  ?  Who  has  a  right  to  say,  while  I  am  not  a  criminal, 
"You  shall  be  restricted  in  this  right.  You  shall  have  this 
right  usurped  and  ignored  to  any  extent,  as  a  punishment  for  . 
being  numbered  among  the  most  afflicted  class  of  American 
citizens  1"  These  terrible  despotisms  would  be  a  far  less 
dangerous  institution,  were  the  boarders  allowed  their  post 
office  rights. 

V  ° 

If  this  right  had  not  been  usurped,  in  my  case,  it  might 
have  saved  one  family  from  the  wreck  of  disunion.  But  Dr. 
McFarland  would  not  allow  a  reasonable  basis  of  reconciliation 
to  be  even  presented  for  his  consideration.  Why  was  this? 
Was  he  unwilling  there  should  be  a  reconciliation  ?  Why 
should  he  wish  to  stand  between  me  and  my  husband  ?  These 
questions  I  leave  my  readers  to  answer.  He  talked  as  though 
he  wished  I  would  go  to  my  husband,  but  he  acted  as  though 
he  had  determined  to  make  an  impassable  gulf  between  us. 
Well,  if  my  husband  will  voluntarily  resign  his  right  to  be 
the  protector  of  his  own  wife,  exclusively  into  the  hands  of  a 
stranger  man,  can  he  blame  this  man  for  misusing  this  irre- 
sponsible trust  ?  This  voluntary  resignation  of  the  marital 
right  into  the  absolute,  irresponsible  control  of  another,  is 
an  unnatural  act,  and  therefore  must  be  deleterious  in  its  con- 
gequences.  Dr.  McFarland  had  become  an  adept  in  this 
nefarious  work,  and  therefore  he  found  ways  and  means  of 
disbanding  this  happy  minister's  family,  forever.  Although 
Mr.  Packard  is  not  responsible  for  Dr.  McFarland's  sins,  yet, 
like  the  drunkard,  he  is  responsible  for  allowing  this  exposure 
to  exist.  He  should  have  exercised  some  sort  of  supervision 
over  his  own  wife's  destiny,  so  far,  at  least,  as  to  retain  his 
own  rights  unmolested.  So  should  the  State  exercise  such  a 


114  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

supervision  over  their  own  Institution,  as  not  to  allow  their 
own  State  rights  to  be  trampled  under  foot  by  it,  as  it  now 
does,  in  suffering  the  dearest  of  all  human  rights  to  be  utterly 
ignored  by  it. 

The  following  are  the  terms  I  tried  to  send  to  my  husband 
as  the  basis  of  a  just  nnion — the  only  kind  of  union  that 
would  ever  receive  my  sanction  again. 

"  1st.  Mr.  Packard  must  make  the  confession  as  public  as 
he  has  made  the  offence,  that  his  wife  has  never  given  him 
any  cause  for  regarding,  or  treating  her  as  an  insane  person. 

2nd.  He  must  allow  me  the  unmolested  exercise  of  my  own 
rights  of  opinion,  and  conscience,  and  post  office  rights. 

3rd.  He  must  allow  me  to  hold  my  own  property  in  my 
own  name,  and  subject  to  my  own  control. 

4th.  He  must  allow  me  to  control  my  own  children  with  a 
mother's  authority,  so  far  as  the  mother's  province  extends. 

5th.  He  must  allow  me  to  be  the  head  of  my  own  house- 
hold duties,  and  the  mistress  of  my  own  hired  girl. 

6th.  The  attempted  usurpation  of  either  of  these  inaliena- 
ble rights  of  a  married  woman,  shall  be  considered  as  a 
dissolution  of  the  Union." 

I  know  such  stipulations  serve  rather  to  ignore  a  hus- 
band's protection,  as  indeed  they  do  ;  but  where  neither  love 
nor  reason  will  hold  a  man  to  be  the  protector  of  these,  his 
wife's  rights,  what  can  the  wife  of  such  a  man  do,  without 
some  such  stipulation,  or  laws,  by  which  her  identity,  as  a 
woman,  can  be  maintained?  The  first  is  only  virtually  ac- 
knowledging my  identity  or  accountability;  that  is,  I  am  not 
a  chattel,  or  an  insane  person,  but  a  being,  after  I  am  mar- 
ried, as  well  as  before;  and  unless  a  man  can  hold  me  upon 
a  higher  plane  than  the  principle  of  common  law  places  me 
upon,  I  am  not  willing  to  enter  the  marriage  union.  The 
law  says  I  am  a  non-existent  being  after  marriage,  but  God 
says  I  am  an  existent  and  accountable  one  still ;  therefore  I 
claim  the  recognition  of  this  higher  law  principle,  or  I  com- 
promise with  this  injustice  by  this  act  of  disloyalty  to  myself. 

The  conclusion  of  my  last   letter   to  Mr.  Packard,  dated 


ATTEMPTED  RECONCILIATION.  115 

April  28,  1861,  ends  thus:  "And  ere  we  finally  part,  allow 
me  to  call  to  your  recollection  that  most  important  period  of 
your  life,  when,  at  the  altar  of  your  God,  in  the  presence  of 
your  fellow  witnesses,  you  solemnly  vowed  to  love  your  wife, 
to  comfort  her,  to  honor  her,  and  keep  her  in  sickness  and  in 
health,  for  better  and  for  worse,  in  poverty  and  riches,  and 
forsaking  all  others,  to  keep  thou  only  unto  her,  so  long  as 
both  should  live.  Let  me  ask  you,  have  you  kept  this 
solemn  vow  ?  Your  lost  Elizabeth." 

About  this  time  I  had  a  letter  from  Mr.  Packard,  wherein 
he  lays  his  plans  before  me,  and  asks  my  advice  !  His  plans 
were  to  break  up  the  family  and  put  out  the  children,  and 
asks  me  to  whom  he  shall  give  my  babe,  and  to  whom  he 
shall  give  my  daughter  to  bring  up,  and  such  like  questions  I 
But  not  a  single  intimation  is  expressed  that  the  mother 
would  ever  be  allowed  the  right  to  rear  her  own  offspring. 
No,  not  even  a  wish  was  expressed  that  he  hoped  I  might 
ever  be  able  or  capable  of  doing  so;  yet  he  could  ask  the 
counsel  and  advice  of  this  non  compos  on  these  most  impor- 
tant matters  of  vital  interest !  I 

He  then  portrays  the  present  condition  of  my  family  in 
facts  like  these.  He  says,  "Elizabeth  has  had  a  fall  and  hurt 
her  side,  so  that  it  pains  her  most  of  the  time,  and  yet  does 
all  the  work  for  the  family,  except  when  her  aunt  Dole  comes 
and  helps  a  day  occasionally."  Poor  child  !  how  her  mother 
longs  to  embrace  her,  and  sympathize  with  her  as  she  used  to 
in  my  sorrows.  How  can  a  father  put  upon  this  child  of 
eleven  years,  the  cares  of  a  woman — the  care  of  a  babe,  in 
addition  to  the  care  of  a  family,  while  she  needs  to  attend 
school !  0  how  much  inconvenience  some  men  will  willingly 
endure,  to  crush  a  married  woman  into  that  position  of  non- 
entity, which  the  common  law  of  marriage  assigns  her. 

I.  ~W.  too  is  feeling  almost  discouraged.  He  is  so  gentle 
in  his  disposition,  he  cannot  live  without  his  mother's  sympa- 
thy. 0,  my  darling  boy,  be  patient.  God's  time  to  help  us 
is  not  yet  come.  I  know  it  is  hard  for  thy  tender  heart  to 
wait  so  long.  I  can  hardly  bear  it  myself.  Patient  waiting 


116  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

is  the  hardest  virtue  for  me  to  exercise.  I  had  much  rather 
work  and  toil  than  wait.  But  I  will  surmount  all  obstacles, 
and  conquer  all  my  impulsive  feelings,  by  schooling  them  into 
entire  submission  to  all  God's  appointments.  If  we  could  see 
all  Gods  plans  as  God  sees  them,  we  should  be  satisfied. 

"While  these  reflections  were  passing  through  my  mind, 
Dr.  McFarland  called  at  my  room  and  remarked,  "  Well,  Mrs. 
Packard,  what  of  the  Manteno  letter  ?"  I  replied,  "  the  family- 
are  all  going  to  destruction  ;  and  his  plan  is  to  present  such  a 
view  to  my  mind,  as  will  induce  me,  for  my  children's  sake, 
to  plead  to  go  home.  He  is  trying  to  make  me  say  '  0,  hus- 
band do  take  me  home  I  if  you  only  will,  I  will  think,  speak 
and  act  just  as  you  please  to  have  me,  and  will  never  ven- 
ture to  think  for  myself  again  !'  But  his  plan  fails  entirely. 
I  shall  never  give  him  a  chance  to  put  me  otFa  second  time.11 

Then  came  his  usual  inquiry,  "  Have  you  a  letter  to  send  ?" 
I  then  told  him,  "  Sir,  do  joy.  think  I  shall  submit  to  be  thus 
trifled  with?  you  know  you  will  not  send  the  letter  I  want 
you  to  send." 


XIX. 
Letter  to  my  Children  sent  to  the  Wash-tub. 

Among  my  Asylum  papers  I  find  a  copy  of  a  letter  I  wrote 
my  children  on  some  cotton  underwaists.  which  I  tried  to 
send  by  Miss  Wilson,  of  Kankakee  city.  As  all  communi- 
cation with  my  children  was  cut  off  by  the  authority  of  Dr. 
McFarland,  I  was  led  to  resort  to  strategy  to  secure  this  end. 
Therefore  I  procured  some  nicely  dressed  bleached  cotton,  and 
embroidered  my  daughter  some  double  underwaists,  on  which 
I  could  easily  and  legibly  pencil  a  long  communication,  such 
as  my  feelings  prompted,  hoping  thus  to  bring  myself  to  their 
recollection,  so  that  I  might  not  become  an  object  of  indiffer- 
ence to  them.  The  Doctor  knew  that  I  was  making  these 
waists  for  her,  and  it  seems  he  suspected  the  plan  which 


LETTER  TO  MY   CHILDBED.  117 

might  thus  open  some  kind  of  communication  between  us, 
therefore  as  Miss  "Wilson  was  leaving,  as  a  discharged  patient, 
for  her  home  in  Kankakee,  he,  knowing  that  my  Manteno 
hdme  was  only  twelve  miles  from  there,  took  her  aside  and 
asked  her  if  she  had  any  letter  from  me  with  her.  She  re- 
plied that  she  had  no  letter.  "  Have  you  anything  from  Mrs. 
Packard  to  her  children  ?"  "  Yes,  I  have  some  waists  for 
her  daughter,  which  I  promised  to  take  to  her."  "Let  me 
see  them,"  responded  the  Doctor. 

She  then  took  them  from  her  bosom,  where  she  had  placed 
them  for  concealment,  and  handed  them  to  the  Doctor.  He 
unfolded  them  and  saw  the  penciling  on  the  inside,  and  after 
reading  it,  ordered  them  to  the  laundry  to  be  washed  and 
ironed  before  they  could  be  sent !  thus  thinking  he  had  swept 
the  letter  into  oblivion.  But  his  sagacity  was  outwitted  by 
his  prisoner  this  time,  for  if  the  exultant  Doctor  felt  that  all 
traces  of  my  intelligence  and  sanity  had  been  obliterated  by 
the  destruction  of  my  letters,  he  will  now  see  he  was  mis- 
taken, when  he  sees  this  printed  copy  was  preserved  to  be  my 
passport  to  the  world,  of  the  state  of  his  prisoner's  mind  while 
behind  his  dead-locks,  and  numbered  among  his  "  hopelessly 
insane  maniacs." 

INSANE  ASYLUM,  June  20,  1861. 

MY  BELOVED  CHILDREN  :  So  long  as  we  are  sure  we  have 
conscience  and  God  on  our  side  we  have  nothing  to  fear, 
although  we  are  maligned  by  those  who  deny  that  conscience 
is  designed  as  our  guide.  Let  those  who  dare  to  disregard 
this  silent  monitor  do  so;  but  you,  my  children,  will  with  me, 
dare  to  "serve  the  Lord,"  won't  you?  For  it  is  only  fidelity 
to  its  dictates  which  the  Lord  requires  as  his  service.  You 
are  in  danger  of  losing  your  souls  by  contact  with  those  who 
encourage  you  to  set  aside  conscience  as  your  guide  to  heav- 
enly happiness.  In  this  net  of  false  doctrines,  Satan  is 
ensnaring  guileless  souls,  and  leading  them  unawares  into 
captivity  to  himself.  Do,  children,  be  warned,  and  escape 
this  snare  before  it  is  too  late. 

But,  children,  since  we  can  not  secure  the  safety  of  any 


118  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

soul  in  opposition  to  their  freedom,  I  rejoice  that  God  does 
not  hold  us  absolutely  responsible  for  any  soul  but  our  own. 
To  save  ourselves  depends  upon  ourselves  ;  and  he  who  is 
fully  determined  to  "work  out  his  own  salvation  with  fear 
and  trembling,"  is  the  only  one  who  will  experience  this  sal- 
vation. Children,  do  right  in  everything,  whether  you  are 
praised  or  blamed,  and  you  will  certainly  secure  a  crown  of 
righteousness,  and  so  long  as  you  continue  to  do  right,  no  one 
can  take  it  from  you.  But  one  sin,  one  wrong  act,  may  for- 
feit it  forever ;  as  only  a  small  stream  may  drown  one  if  he 
lies  prostrate  in  it.  0,  beware  of  little  sins,  little  deviations 
from  rectitude,  truth,  honesty,  uprightness,  from  kindness, 
from  forbearance,  from  patience,  from  forgiveness,  from  char- 
ity. Encourage  the  very  incipient  beginnings  of  repentance 
on  the  part  of  offenders,  by  showing  that  your  heart  yearns 
and  longs  to  mteet  it  with  forgiveness,  with  God-like  forgive- 
ness, bestowed  on  the  gospel  ground  of  repentance. 

But,  children,  I  fear  you  will  think  mother  is  preaching 
you  a  sermon,  instead  of  writing  a  letter.  Pardon  me,  if  1 
have  burdened  you  thus,  for  you  know  this  is  not  your  moth- 
er's way  to  teach  you  Christ's  religion.  Her  way  has  been 
to  practice  godliness,  and  thus  endeavor  to  be  a  "  living 
epistle  known  and  read  of  all  men."  But  being  absent,  I 
am  under  the  necessity  of  taking  this  method  of  instructing 
you. 

Your  mother  is  doing  here  as  she  did  at  home,  trying  to 
secure  her  happiness  in  doing  right ;  although  by  so  doing, 
I  often  offend  others  by  becoming  thus  a  "  terror  to  the  evil 
doer,  as  well  as  a  praise  of  them  that  do  well." 

I  can  not  express  how  much  I  regret  the  course  your  father 
has  taken  in  separating  me  from  your  society  and  sympathy. 
But  he  is  alone  answerable  for  a  great  wrong  by  so  doing. 
0,  how  I  do  rejoice  now  that  I  never  wronged  that  man.  J 
beg  of  you  to  do  the  same.  Keep  clear  of  guilt,  however 
much  he  may  tempt  you.  Remember,  that  to  be  angry,  is 
but  to  punish  yourself  for  another's  fault.  Love  yourselves 
too  well  to  do  it,  for  you  can  not  be  really  happy  if  you  sin 


MY  FIRST  PAPER  119 

in  the  least  thing.  I  do  feel  deeply  sorry  you  hare  so  deso- 
late a  home.  But  be  patient,  and  all  will  be  right  some 
time.  Never  do  the  least  thing  but  what  you  would  be  will- 
ing the  whole  world  should  know  of  it,  for  even  your  motives 
will  all  be  revealed  and  exposed,  either  to  your  shame  or 
your  glory. 

This  fact  rejoices  my  heart ;  for  could  the  world  see  my 
heart  as  it  is,  as  God  sees  it,  naught  but  love  and  good  will 
to  all  mankind,  to  every  individual,  could  be  found  there. 
Time  will  develop  that  even  my  persecutors  can  not  find  a 
truer  friend  to  them  than  I  am — none  more  ready  and  impa- 
tient to  forgive  them,  if  they  will  but  repent. 

Don't  be  discouraged  or  disheartened,  although  the  dark- 
ness which  envelops  us  is  so  dense  as  to  be  felt,  for  these 
clouds  are  about  to  break  in  blessings  on  our  heads.  "Be- 
hind a  frowning  Providence  he  hides  a  smiling  face."  Do 
your  routine  of  duties  faithfully,  as  you  used  to  do  when 
I  was  your  guardian,  and  God  will  take  care  of  our  destiny. 
I  do  fully  believe  he  is  now  working  for  us,  in  the  best  pos-- 
sible  manner.  "When  we  do  meet,  shan't  we  have  enough  to 
talk  about?  Won't  we  have  "good  talking  times,"  as  you 
used  to  say,  when  you  sat  in  a  circle  about  me,  to  hear  me 
tell  you  true  stories  about  my  childhood  ?  But  good  by,  for 
the  present.  Your  loving  mother, 

E.  P.  W.  P. 


XX. 

How  I  obtained  my  first  Writing  Paper. 

On  March  9th,  1861,  I  was  allowed  to  pack  the  trunk  of 
one  of  my  most  intimate  associates  in  my  ward,  Mrs.  Bet- 
sey Clarke,  who  was  to  leave  the  next  morning  with  her 
son,  who  had  come  for  her.  "While  packing  it  I  had  the  good 
fortune  to  find  four  sheets  of  letter  paper  which  had  escaped 
the  supervisor's  notice.  My  good  friend  readily  consented  to 


120  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

let  me  have  it  in  exchange  for  some  articles  of  my  wardrobe 
which  she  needed,  and  thus  I,  an  Asylum  prisoner,  became 
the  honest  owner  of  four  sheets  of  paper  !  a  prize  almost  in- 
valuable to  me. 

Hitherto  all  my  efforts  to  obtain  a  sheet  of  paper  had  been 
futile,  since  the  Doctor  had  given  a  general  order  to  all  the 
employees  not  to  let  me  have  paper  or  stationery  of  any  kind 
after  he  had  consigned  me  to  this  maniac's  hall.  I  had  writ- 
ten before  this  time  on  tissue  paper,  margin  of  newspapers, 
cotton  cloth,  or  brown  paper  and  such  like,  and  had  handed 
clandestinely  letters  written  on  these  materials  to  the  trus- 
tees and  Dr.  Sturtevant.  our  chaplain,  and  retained  copies  of 
the  same  on  the  same  materials  where  I  now  find  them 
With  these  helps  I  had  kept  a  private  journal,  too,  from 
•which  the  facts  of  this  book  are  compiled.  Now,  with  these 
three  sheets,  I  felt,  under  the  circumstances,  richer  than 
any  fortune  could  have  made  me.  I  wrote  with  a  pencil  ve- 
ry fine,  so  that  I  wrote  two  or  three  times  the  number  of 
written  lines  as  were  ruled,  so  that  I  put  a  wonderful  amount 
of  matter  on  a  very  small  surface. 

Mrs.  Hosmer,  the  sewing  room  directress,  knowing  how 
eagerly  I  watched  her  sewing-room  to  get  such  writing  ma- 
terials, ventured  to  try  an  experiment  to  gratify  this  wish  on 
my  part.  Being  a  strict  observer  of  all  the  rules  of  the  house, 
she  could  not  aid  me  in  this  desire  without  the  Doctor's  con- 
sent. She  therefore  bought  a  pocket  diary,  and  asked  Dr. 
McFarland's  permission  to  make  me  a  present  of  it  on  "  New 
Year's."  He  consented,  and  I  thus  became  the  honest  owner 
of  another  treasure  of  inestimable  value.  I  used  this  most 
faithfully  for  one  entire  year,  and  had  just  written  my  final 
entry  for  the  last  day  of  December,  and  was  just  returning  it 
into  my  bosom,  its  safe  hiding  place  for  one  whole  year,  when 
lo  1  my  door  was  suddenly  and  unexpectedly  pushed  open  by 
the  Doctor  in  his  velvet  slippers  ;  he  thus  caught  me,  before 
my  treasure  was  out  of  sight.  He  sprang  towards  me  and 
seized  it  forcibly  from  my  hand,  before  I  could  get  it  into  ray 
bosom,  and  sitting  down  began  to  read  aloud  from  it,  in  spite 


AN  HONORABLE  ACT.  121 

of  my  protests  against  his  seeing  my  private  meditations.  He 
made  fun  of  some  portions ;  others  he  tore  spitefully,  from 
the  book,  saying  as  he  did  so  "that  is  a  lief'1  I  begged  that  he 
would  return  it  without  tearing  it.  But  he  heeded  nothing 
I  said,  either  in  defence  of  its  truth,  -or  of  my  claim  to  it,  as 
by  his  consent  I  had  obtained  it.  But  instead,  put  it  into  his 
vest  pocket,  and  walked  off  with  it.  This  is  the  last  I  ever 
saw  of  this  part  of  my  Asylum  diary.  My  journal  covering 
this  period  is  complete. 


XXI. 
An  Honorable  act  in  Dr.  McFarland. 

Mrs.  Sullivan,  a  sane  woman,  was  put  in  here  by  her  drunk- 
en husband,  on  the  plea  of  insanity.  She  was  brought  hand- 
cuffed, and  half  of  the  hair  pulled  out  of  her  head.  Of  course 
the  husband's  testimony  must  be  credited,  for  who  could  de- 
sire more  to  protect  a  woman  than  he  ?  Yes,  Mr.  Sullivan, 
the  warm-hearted  Irishman,  showed  his  regard  for  his  wife  in 
the  same  manner  that  Mr.  Packard,  and  many  other  husbands 
do,  by  legally  committing  her  to  Dr.  McFarland's  protection, 
who,  so  far  as  my  knowledge  extends,  has  never  yet  been 
true  to  this  sacred  trust. 

This  quick  tempered  Irishman  had  a  quarrel  with  his  wife, 
because  she  asserted  her  inalienable  right  to  a  pair  of  new 
shoes,  and  he  being  the  stronger  of  the  two  in  physical  force, 
got  her  handcuffed,  and  pulled  out  the  hair  from  half  her  head 
with  his  own  hand,  and  forced  her  in  here  as  soon  as  the 
"  forms  of  law"  could  be  gone  through  with.  And  what  could 
Mrs.  Sullivan  do  in  self-defence  ?  All  her  representations 
would  be  listened  to  as  the  ravings  of  a  maniac  !  What  is  her 
testimony  worth  after  the  "forms  of  law"  have  been  gone 
through  with,  proving  her  insanity?  Mrs.  Sullivan  is  legal- 
ly entered  as  an  insane  person,  on  legal  testimony  ;  and  now 
the  Doctor  is  shielded  in  doing  what  he  pleases  with  her,  for 
F 


122  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

what  is  an  insane  person's  testimony-  worth  ?  Nothing.  Thus 
shielded,  he  applies  his  instruments  of  torture  to  this  oppress- 
ed bleeding  heart,  for  the  benevolent  purpose  of  making  her 
willing  to  return  to  her  husband,  and  yield  unanswering 
obedience  to  this  martial  subjection !  Yes,  his  benevolent 
plan  is  at  length  achieved,  and  he  soon  succeeds  in  making 
her  so  much  more  wretched  and  forlorn  then  before,  that  her 
former  woes  and  wrongs  sink  in  to  oblivion  in  comparison,  and 
she  begins  to  cry  and  beg  to  go  home.  "  0,  take  me  back  to 
my  children  and  husband,  and  I  will  bless  you  forever."  Now 
his  patient  is  recovering  !  0,  what  an  astonishing  cure  1  "How 
much  that  great.  Dr.  Me  Farland  knows  more  than  any  other 
man  the  secret  of  curing  the  insane  wife  !" 

But  the  cure  must  be  sure  and  permanent,  before  her  case 
is  represented  as  fit  for  removal.  She  has  not  yet  performed 
her  share  of  unrequited  labor  for  the  State  of  Illinois,  as  its 
slave  ;  and  if  she  is  a  good  and  efficient  workman,  there  may 
be  weeks,  months,  years  of  imprisonment  yet  before  her,  ere 
her  cure  is  complete  !  Now  the  doctor  is  the  only  competent 
one  to  report  her  case  to  her  friends  or  husband.  No  attend- 
ant's report  can  be  relied  upon,  much  less  the  prisoner 
herself.  All  communication  is  cut  off,  and  the  slave  has 
naught  to  do  but  to  work  and  suffer  in  silent,  mute  submis- 
sion to  her  prison  keepers.  She  dare  not  utter  a  complaint, 
lest  the  tortures  be  again  resumed.  Her  children  may  sicken 
and  die,  but  she  must  know  nothing  about  them.  Indeed, 
she  must  be  dead  as  to  earth  life,  until  her  share  of  slave 
toil  is  completed.  And  if  very  useful  as  a  slave,  she  may 
possibly  get  the  diploma  of  "  hopelessly  insane  "  attached  to 
her  name  as  an  offset  for  these  many  years  of  slavery  !  And 
then  the  friends  solace  themselves,  that  the  very  best  means 
of  cure  have  been  used,  since  none  so  skillful  as  the  learned 
Dr.  McFarland  can  be  found  any  where ;  and  although  they 
deplore  the  fate  of  an  all  wise  Providence,  yet,  to  Dr. 
McFarland  their  heartfelt  gratitude  will  be  most  signally 
due,  for  the  kind,  humane  treatment  he  bestowed  upon  her, 
by  having  done  all  that  human  ingenuity  could  devise,  to 


AN  HONORABLE  ACT.  123 

cure  her !     A  true  and  faithful  picture  of  many  a  real  case 
in  this  Asylum. 

But  how  did  Mrs.  Sullivan's  case  come  out?  After  a  time, 
the  thought  of  her  poor,  defenceless,  unprotected  children, 
with  none  but  a  drunken  father  to  care  for  them,  pressed  so 
fearfully  upon  her  maternal  sympathies,  that  she  ventured  to 
plead  to  go  back  to  them  again.  But  in  vain  !  No  plea  can 
compassionate  the  heart  of  her  present  protector.  Her  tears, 
her  sighs,  her  entreaties,  her  arguments,  fall  unheeded  and 
apparently  unheard  upon  his  ear,  for  he  will  not  stop  to  hear 
a  patient's  story,  however  rational  or  consistent — yea,  the 
more  rational  the  more  unheeded,  apparently.  She  is  then 
sent  to  the  wash  room  or  ironing  room,  and  sewing  room,  and 
compelled  to  work  to  drown  her  sorrow  or  stifle  its  utterance. 
But  what  if  her  children  do  need  her  services  more  than  the 
State?  "What  does  Dr.  McFarland  care  for  her  children,  or 
for  the  fate  of  a  mother  who  has  been  cast  off  by  her  hus- 
band ?  Nothing.  He  cares  for  his  own  selfish  interests, 
and  nothing  else.  If  to  his  view  his  advantage  is  gained, 
he  will  send  her  home  ;  if  not,  he  will  keep  her  at  work  for 
the  State  ;  for  the  laws  of  his  own  suggesting  protect  him 
from  all  harm,  no  matter  how  much  he  harms  the  prisoners. 

After  months  of  faithful  labor,  he  found  the  tide  of  the 
house  was  setting  against  him,  by  keeping  this  sane  woman 
so  long  from  her  family,  and  when  he  dared  not  resist  this 
influence  longer,  he  sent  to  her  husband  to  take  her  home  ; 
but  he  would  not  come  for  her.  And  now  comes  the  honor- 
able act  on  the  part  of  the  Doctor.  He  lent  her  money  and 
sent  her  home  alone.  A  few  days  after  I  ventured  to  congrat- 
ulate the  Doctor  on  doing  so  noble  a  deed,  adding,  "If  what 
I  have  been  told  was  true,  you  have  represented  her  in  the 
discharge  as  one  who  has  been  falsely  represented  as  insane." 
This  creditable  part  of  the  representation  he  indignantly  de- 
nied, saying,  "No,  she  came  here  insane,  was  cured,  and 
sent  home." 

"No,  Dr.  McFarland,  she  did  not  come  here  insane;  she 
came  here  an  abused  woman — shamefully  abused  by  a  drunk- 


124  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

en  husband.  She  needed  protection,  but  not  punishment, 
such  as  you  have  bestowed  upon  her.  But  no,  the  '  lords 
of  creation '  must  be  protected !  or  oppressed  woman  will 
rise  and  assert  her  rights,  and  man  then  will  fail  to  keep  her 
down."  "What  will  men  do,  when  this  Government  protects 
the  married  women  in  their  right  to  themselves?  0,  when 
this  great  Woman  Subjector,  Dr.  McFarland,  is  exposed, 
where  will  these  men  sencf  their  wives  to  get  them  "broke 
in?"  0!  where? 


XXII. 
Married  Women  Unprotected. 

I  came  here  in  defence  of  the  same  principle  that  Mrs. 
Sullivan  did,  with  this  difference ;  she  used  her  right  of  self- 
defence  in  a  different  manner  from  what  I  did.  She  used 
physical  force  in  resisting  usurpation  ;  I  did  not.  I  never 
did,  nor  never  will  quarrel  with  any  one.  I  have  followed 
Christ's  direction,  "  If  thy  brother  smite  thee  on  the  one 
cheek,  turn  to  him  the  other  also."  Yes,  when  my  husband, 
only  once  however,  has  ventured  in  his  insane  anger  to  lay 
violent  hands  upon  me,  I  have  just  quietly  yielded,  saying, 
while  his  clenched  fist  was  threatening  ma,  "  Yes,  kill  me  if 
you  desire  to,  I  shall  make  no  resistance — my  natural  life  is 
of  too  little  value  to  me,  to  defend  it  at  the  risk  of  injuring 
you."  By  thus  yielding,  his  reason  was  restored  to  him,  and 
he  would  not  harm  me. 

Mrs.  Sullivan  pursued  a  different  mode  of  self-defence,  but 
the  issue  is  just  the  same  in  both  cases.  Our  husbands,  both 
succeeded  in  getting  us  entered  here  on  the  plea  of  insanity, 
and  1,  although  so  perfectly  harmless  in  my  mode  of  self- 
defence,  am  required  to  stay  three  or  four  times  her  term  of 
imprisonment  !  But,0,  for  woman's  sake  I  suffer  it.  I  will 
try  to  continue  to  suffer  on,  patiently  and  uncomplainingly, 
confidently  hoping  that  my  case  will  lead  community  to  inves- 


MARRIED  WOMAN  UNTROTECTED.  125 

tigate  for  themselves,  and  see  why  it  is,  that  so  many  sane 
women  are  thus  persecuted  at  this  period  of  the  Christian  era. 
The  sad  truth  that  man  has  fallen  from  his  noble  position  of 
woman's  protector,  and  become  her  subjector,  when  appre- 
hended, may  lead  our  Government  to  give  protection  to  the 
identity  of  the  married  woman,  so  that  she  can  be  as  sure  oi 
legal  protection,  where  she  does  not  receive  the  marital,  as  if 
she  were  single.  When,  therefore,  she  needs  legal  protection 
from  marital  usurpation,  she  can  obtain  it  directly  from  her 
Government,  as  other  citizens  now  can. 

This  period  of  subjection  through  which  woman  is  passing, 
is  developing  her  self-reliant  character,  by  compelling  her  to 
defend  herself,  in  order  to  secure  the  safety  of  her  own  soul. 
That  class  of  men  who  wish  to  rule  woman,  seem  intent  on 
destroying  her  reason,- to  secure  her  subjection.  If  they  can 
not  really  put  out  this  light  in  her,  which  so  much  annoys 
them,  they  will  credit  this  work  as  done,  by  falsely  accusing 
her  of  insanity,  and  when  once  branded  by  Dr.  McFarlaud'a 
diploma  of  "  hopelessly  insane,"  they  fondly  think  they  can 
keep  her  under  their  feet.  And  this  has  actually  been  done 
in  many  instances,  by  the  help  of  the  Illinois  Insane  Asylum. 

Instead,  therefore,  of  going  to  the  wash-room  to  serve  the 
State  of  my  adoption  by  my  labor,  I  am  trying  to  serve  it  by 
writing  facts  and  impressions  respecting  this  Institution, 
hoping  thus  to  promote  the  interests  of  the  State  more 
directly,  than  in  any  other  manner.  The  evils  of  this  Insti- 
tution are  so  momentous  and  aggravating,  that  my  own  private 
wrongs  seem  lost,  almost,  in  the  aggregate.  And  besides,  the 
working  of  this  Institution  is  so  carefully  covered  up.  and  so 
artfully  concealed  from  the  public  eye,  that  the  external  world 
knows  nothing  of  the  "  hidden  life  of  the  prisoner,"  within. 
Therefore  the  journal  of  an  eye  witness  taken  on  the  spot,  is 
now  presented  to  the  public,  as  the  mirror  in  which'  to  behold 
its  actual  operations.  It  shall  be  one  of  the  highest  aspirations 
of  my  earth-life,  to  expose  these  evils  for  the  purpose  of  rem- 
edying them.  It  shall  be  said  of  me,  "  She  hath  done  what 
she  could." 


126  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Since  the  emancipation  of  the  slave,  the  most  unprotected 
class  of  American  citizens  are  the  wives  of  such  men  as  claim 
subjection  to  be  the  law  of  marriage.  The  subduing  husband 
has  it  in  his  power  to  make  his  partner  the  most  abject  slave 
in  the  universe,  since  the  laws  protect  him  in  so  doing. 
Since  the  common  law  of  marriage  deprives  the  married 
woman  of  her  individual  identity,  she  has  therefore  no  chance, 
while  her  husband  lives,  to  defend  her  inalienable  rights 
from  his  usurpation.  Even  her  right  of  self-defence  on  the 
plane  of  argument  is  denied  her,  for  when  she  reasons,  then 
she  is  insane  I  and  if  her  reasons  are  wielded  potently,  and 
with  irresistible  logic,  she  is  then  exposed  to  hopeless  impris- 
onment, as  the  response  of  her  opponent.  This  is  now  her 
legalized  penalty  for  using  her  own  reason  in  defence  of  her 
identity  I 

My  husband  has  not  only  accepted  of  my  identity  as  the 
law  gives  it  to  him,  but  he  has  also  usurped  all  the  minor 
gifts  included  in  it.  The  gift  from  God,  which  I  prize  next 
to  that  of  my  personal  identity,  is  my  right  of  maternity,  to 
my  right  to  my  own  offspring,  which  he  claims  is  his  exclu- 
sively, by  separating  me  entirely  from  them,  with  no  ray  of 
hope  from  him  or  the  law,  that  I  shall  ever  see  them  more. 
This  is  to  me  a  living  death  of  hopeless  bereavement.  Bereft 
of  six  lovely  children  by  the  will  of  my  husband,  and  no  one 
dare  defend  this  right  for  me,  for  the  law  extends  protection 
to  such  kidnappers.  Yes,  any  husband  can  kidnap  all  of  his 
own  children,  by  forcibly  separating  them  from  the  mother 
who  bore  them,  and  the  laws  defend  the  act !  !  The  mother  of 
the  illegitimate  child  is  protected  by  the  law,  in  the  right  to 
her  own  offspring,  while  the  lawfully  married  wife  is  not. 
Thus  the  only  shield  maternity  has  under  the  laws,  is  in  pros- 
titution. 

Again,  my  property  is  all  shipwrecked,  and  legally  claimed 
by  this  usurper.  And  as  I  did  not  hold  it  in  my  own  name, 
as  tho  statute  laws  now  allow,  I  am,  on  the  principle  of  com- 
mon law,  legally  robbed  of  every  property  right.  The  hus- 
band does  not  expose  all  his  rights  to  usurpation  when  he 


MY  LIFE  IMPEKILLED.  127 

marries  ;  why  should  he  make  laws  to  demand  this  exposure 
to  his  wife  and  daughter  ?  Are  women  in  less  need  of 
protection  than  men,  simply  because  they  are  weaker,  and 
therefore  more  liable  to  usurpation  ?  Nay,  verily,  the  weak- 
est demand  the  strongest  protection,  instead  of  none  at  all. 
0,  when  will  man  look  upon  woman  as  his  partner,  instead 
of  dependent  ?  0,  I  do  need  the  protection  of  law  to  shield 
my  rights  from  my  usurper ;  but  I  have  none  at  all,  so  long 
as  I  am  a  married  woman. 

And  Dr.  McFarland  assures  me,  too,  that  so  long  as  I 
claim  my  right  of  opinion  and  conscience,  no  church  will 
extend  fellowship  to  me.  Therefore,  my  attempt  to  follow 
Christ,  in  holding  myself  as  a  responsible  moral  agent,  rather 
than  an  echo  or  a  parasite,  has  cast  me  out  of  the  protection 
of  the  law,  and  also  out  of  the  pale  of  the  Christian  church, 
if  what  the  Doctor  tells  me  is  true.  "Well,  be  it  so  ;  I  am 
determined  to  ever  deserve  the  love,  respect,  confidence,  and 
protection  of  my  husband  ;  and  I  am  equally  determined  to 
secure  a  rightful  claim  to  the  fellowship  of  all  Christian 
churches,  by  living  a  life  of  practical  godliness. 


XXIII. 
My  Life  Imperilled. 

My  life  is  almost  daily  and  hourly  endangered.  For  ex- 
ample :  I  was  one  morning  sitting  in  a  side  room  by  myself, 
for  the  purpose  of  enjoying  my  secret  devotions  undisturbed, 
which  privilege  the  matron  had  kindly  granted,  as  my  own 
dormitory  had  too  many  occupants  to  allow  me  any  opportu- 
nity of  praying  in  secret,  and  being  compelled,  however,  by 
Dr.  McFarland's  special  order,  to  have  the  door  of  this  closet 
wide  open,  while  I  occupied  it  for  this  purpose,  I  was  com- 
pelled to  submit  to  any  such  intruders  as  might  chance  to 
walk  in.  Miss  Jenny  Haslett  was  one  of  the  two  maniacs 
who  came  in  this  morning,  and  seated  herself  on  a  low  stool 


128  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

at  my  feet.  I  was  always  obliged  to  carry  my  chair  and  foot 
stool  with  me  wherever  I  sat  down,  and  by  this  arrangement 
I  had  my  Asylum  writing  table,  my  lap,  always  with  me,  and 
at  these  times  I  made  my  entries  into  my  journal  and  diary. 
The  other  maniac  sat  on  the  floor  under  the  window.  I  quiet- 
ly read  my  chapter,  while  Jenny  amused  herself  playing  with 
the  trimming  on  the  front  of  my  dress.  I  closed  my  bible, 
and  resting  my  eyes  upon  her,  reflected  upon  the  sad  condi- 
tion of  this  human  wreck  of  existence  before  me.  She  was 
a  handsome  delicate  girl  of  eighteen  years,  who  was  made  in- 
sane by  disappointed  affection,  and  although  generally  harm- 
less, yet  at  times,  liable  to  sudden  frenzies,  from  causes  un- 
known. I  could  often  hoar  her  crying  in  the  dead  of  night 
for  "Willie,  0,  my  dear  Willie  !  do,  do,  come  back  to  me — 
0  Willie  !  Willie  !  I  do  love  you  !" 

It  may  be  that  I  aroused  some  antagonistic  feeling,  and 
disturbed  some  pleasant  reverie  of  hers,  when  I  bent  forward 
and  with  my  hands  parted  the  short  hair  which  fell  over  her 
fine  forehead,  and  then  bestowed  upon  it  a  gentle  kiss  of  ten- 
der pity.  In  an  instant  the  response-  came,  in  a  blow  from 
her  clenched  fist  upon  my  left  temple,  of  such  stunning  force, 
that  for  a  moment  I  was  lost  to  consciousness  ;  for  the  blow 
seemed  more  like  the  kick  of  of  a  horse,  than  the  hand  of  a 
human  which  inflicted  it.  My  spectacles  were  thrown  across 
the  room  by  the  blow,  but  I  was  not  thrown  from  my  seat. 
As  soon  as  I  realized  what  had  happened,  I  returned  her 
fiendish  gaze  with  a  look  of  pity,  and  exclaimed.  "  Why 
Jenny,  you  have  struck  me  !" 

11  Yes,  and  I  am  going  to  knock  your  brains  out  !"  said  she, 
with  furious  emphasis,  and  clenched  fists. 

Without  speaking  again,  I  quietly  and  calmly  withdrew  in- 
to the  hall,  where  I  found  my  kind  attendant,  Miss  Minerva 
Tenny,  whose  quick  perception  read  the  tale,  and  without 
my  speaking  a  word,  she  exclaimed,  "  0,  Mrs  Packard,  what 
a  wound  you  have  got  upon  your  temple  !  What  has  hap- 
pened ?"  "  Jenny  has  struck  me  ;  please  get  me  some  cold 
water  to  bathe  it  in."  "You  will  need  something  more  than 


MY  LIFE   IMPERILLED.  129 

•water,  it  is  a  terrible  blow  1  I  will  go  for  Dr.  Tenny."  Af- 
ter bringing  me  the  water,  she  went  for  him,  and  he,  like  a  ten- 
der brother,  came  and  pitied  me,  and  while  I  rested  my  throb- 
bing head  against  his  strong  manly  arm,  I  wept  for  joy  at  the 
comfort  his  words  of  pity  brought  with  them  to  my  forsaken 
heart.  "Dr.  Tenny,  can  you  protect  my  life  ?" 

"  Mrs  Packard,  I  would  protect  you  if  I  could,  but,  like  you, 
I  am  a  subordinate  ;  my  power  is  limited." 

"Will  not  the  state  be  held  responsible  for  these  exposures 
of  my  life,  to  which  Dr.  McFarland  subjects  me  ?  I  think 
this  appeal  ought  to  be  made." 

Without  answering  this  question  he  insisted  that  he  would 
do  all  he  could  to  help  and  protect  me.  And  he  did  do  so. 
I  think  Dr.  McFarland  was  restrained  by  his  manly  interfer- 
ence. Still,  the  citadel  of  his  heart  was  not  reached  either 
by  Dr.  Tenny's  or  my  own  appeals,  to  remove  me  to  some 
safer  ward  ;  and  never  shall  I  forget  the  heartless  response 
he  made,  as  he,  the  next  day  when,  for  the  first  time,  he  be- 
held my  swollen  face  and  throbbing  temples,  as  I  lay  in  agony 
upon  my  bed,  from  the  effects  of  this  injury,  after  I  had 
told  him  all  the  circumstances,  how  I  simply  bestowed  upon 
her  forehead  a  loving  kiss  as  the  only  provocation,  he  simply 
remarked,  as  he  turned  away — "  It  is  no  uncommon  thing  to 
receive  a  blow  for  a  kiss  !"  These  were  the  only  words  eith- 
er of  sympathy  or  regret  I  got  from  the  Doctor,  although  the 
wound  was  then  in  such  a  state  of  great  inflammation  that  Mrs. 
McFarland  expressed  herself,  "you  may  consider  yourself 
fortunate,  Mrs.  Packard,  if  you  do  not  now  lose  your  eye  as 
the  result."  For  weeks  I  carried  the  marks  of  this  blow,  by 
a  deep  black  temple  and  eyes,  so  that  a  stranger  would  hard- 
ly have  recognized  me  during  this  period. 

But  instead  of  shielding  me  better  after  this,  he  not  only 
let  Jenny  remain  in  the  ward,  but  he  afterwards  brought  up 
Mrs.  Triplet,  from  the  Fifth  ward,  and  from  this  time  she,  the 
most  dangerous  patient  in  the  whole  female  wards,  was  seated 
by  my  side  at  the  table.  I  seldom  seated  myself  at  the  table 
after  this,  without  hearing  the  threat  from  Mrs.  Triplet,  "  I 
F2 


130  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

shall  kill  you  !"  And  I  considered  myself  very  fortunate  if 
I  left  the  table  without  being  spit  upon  by  her,  or  by  having 
her  tea,  or  coffee,  or  gravy,  or  sauce  thrown  upon  my  dress. 

At  one  time  my  right  hand  companion  was  suddenly 
aroused  to  the  attitude  of  self-defence,  by  having  a  knife 
hurled  at  her  temples  or  eyes,  by  one  of  our  insane  compan- 
ions opposite.  This  aroused  others  to  seize  their  knives  and 
forks  and  chairs,  in  self-defence,  and  there  is  no  knowing 
what  a  scene  might  have  ensued,  had  not  our  attendants 
been  on  hand  to  confine  the  infuriated  ones.  There  is  no 
knowing  at  what  instant  these  scenes  may  occur,  for  I  have 
often  seen  them,  without  the  least  apparent  provocation, 
suddenly  seize  the  tumblers,  salt-cellars,  plates,  bowls,  and 
pitchers,  and  hurl  them  about  in  demoniac  frenzy,  so  that 
the  broken  glass  and  china  would  fly  about  our  face  and  eyes 
like  hail  stones. 

The  defence  which  maniacs  resort  to  is,  rendering  evil  for 
evil,  abuse  for  abuse,  so  that  the  beginning  of  a  scene  among 
twenty-five  or  thirty  of  them  is  no  telling  what  the  end  may 
be.  And  yet  this  institution  receives  such,  and  puts  them 
all  into  one  room,  while  the  family  plead  that  one  is  too  dan- 
gerous to  trust  in  a  family !  What  would  they  think  to  have 
twenty-five  in  one  family?  For  more  than  two  years  has  Dr. 
McFarland  imperilled  ray  life,  by  compelling  me  to  occupy  a 
ward  among  this  class,  not  knowing  at  what  moment  my  life 
might  be  taken  away,  or  I  receive  some  distressing  injury. 
Many  times  have  I  made  the  most  touching  appeals  to  him 
to  save  my  life;  but  even  before  I  could  finish  my  sentence, 
he  would  turn  and  walk  indifferently  away,  without  uttering 
one  syllable.  Once  alone  do  I  find  recorded,  that  he  deigned 
a  reply,  which  was  under  these  circumstances.  Lena,  a 
stage  actress,  who  had  become  insane  from  a  fall  through  the 
stage  platform,  had  been  dragging  me  around  the  ward  by 
the  hair  of  my  head,  and  unless  the  attendant  had  been  near 
to  aid  me,  I  might  not  have  been  able  to  extricate  myself 
from  her  grasp  at  all.  Lena  had,  like  Jenny,  always  seemed 
pleased  to  have  me  notice  and  caress  her,  as  was  my  habit 


MY  LIFE  IMPERILLED.  131 

with  them  all  who  would  allow  it,  until  this  time,  when  she 
turned  upon  me  and  treated  me  as  I  have  described.  After 
stating  these  facts,  I  added,  "  Now,  Doctor,  I  think  a  sane 
person  is  more  in  danger  than  the  maniacs,  for  they  will  fight 
back,  while  I  will  not." 

"Supposing,"  said  he,  ua  person  should  enter  your  room 
with  a  loaded  pistol  and  aim  it  at  you,  and  you  had  one  by 
you  which,  by  your  using  first,  could  save  your  own  life, 
would  you  not  shoot  to  save  yourself?  " 

"No,  Doctor,  I  would  not;  because  my  nature  does  not 
prompt  me  to  defend  myself  in  this  manner.  I  have  such  an 
instinctive  dread  of  taking  the  life  of  another,  that  I  would 
rather  die  myself  than  kill  another." 

"I  should,  and  I  think  everyone  would  do  the  same  in 
self-defence." 

"I  presume  you  would,  and  so  would  most  men,  for  they 
were  made  to  be  the  protectors  and  defenders  of  the  weaker 
sex,  and  the  man  who  would  not  do  it  in  defence  of  a  de- 
fenceless woman,  is  less  than  a  man." 

However,  I  could  not  convince  the  Superintendent  that  he 
was  under  any  obligation  to  defend  my  life,  and  unless  I  had 
strength  and  courage  enough  to  defend  it  myself,  I  must  die; 
for  so  far  as  convincing  him  that  he  had  any  responsibility 
about  the  case,  it  was  impossible  to  make  him  comprehend  it. 

In  view  of  such  facts  as  these  I  should  not  be  at  all 
surprised,  if,  when  the  thoughts  of  the  heart  are  revealed, 
it  will  then  be  manifest  that  he  placed  my  life  thus  in  jeopardy 
among  maniacs,  hoping  they  might  kill  me  !  1  There  is  no 
fathoming  the  vast  depths  of  his  wickedness.  I  do  not  be- 
lieve there  i$  anything  he  could  not  be  induced  to  do,  if  he 
felt  that  his  self-promotion  demanded  it.  His  conscience 
would  interpose  no  barrier  to  the  perpetration  of  any  act  of 
inhumanity  which  he  thought  his  popularity  demanded. 


132  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

XXIV. 
Hope  of  Dr.  McFarland's  Repentance. 

(FKOM  MY  JOURNAL.) 

My  only  hope  of  Dr.  McFarland  lies  in  his  repentance. 
Mrs.  Hosmer  says,  "The  Doctor  is  a  villain."  I  have  been 
free  to  admit,  from  what  I  know  of  him,  that  he  is  a  very 
cruel,  unfeeling  man.  Still,  unlike  Mrs.  Hosmer,  I  believe 
in  repentance,  and  my  only  hope  of  him  lies  in  this  principle. 
Saul  was  once  a  very  cruel  man,  but  repentance  saved  him. 
And  hope  is  not  utterly  extinct,  that  Dr.  McFarland  may  yet, 
like  him,  repent. 

Mrs.  Hosmer  says  she  can  tell  facts  of  his  treatment  of 
patients  here,  to  her  knowledge,  which  would  make  my  flesh 
creep  to  hear  the  recital  of.  She  thinks  "as  he  has  been,  he 
still  is,  and  will  continue  to  be."  When  I  bring  up  proofs  of 
his  being  different  in  some  respects  from  what  he  was  before 
I  reproved  him,  she  insists  upon  it  that  these  are  only  false 
appearances,  assumed  as  a  disguise  to  delude  me  and  others 
into  the  belief  that  he  has  repented.  She  says  the  attendants 
who  are  humane,  are  not  so  owing  to  the  Doctor's  influence, 
but  to  a  principle  of  humanity  within  themselves.  She  says 
that  the  Doctor  has  practiced  this  strategic  policy  so  long, 
that  he  can  easily  delude  and  deceive  one  of  as  charitable  an 
organization  as  my  own.  I  admit  that  this  may  be  the  case; 
still,  1  think  there  is  more  hope  in  making  my  appeals  to  his 
honor,  as  a  handle  by  which  to  lead  him  to  repentance,  than 
to  make  him  feel  that  I  expect  no  good  of  him.  In  order  to 
lead  him  by  his  honor,  I  must  feel  a  degree  of  confidence  in 
the  efficiency  of  this  principle,  or  I  shall  be  acting*  a  double 
part  myself.  I  can  not  make  him  feel  that  I  have  hopes  of 
him,  while  I  have  none,  without  being  a  hypocrite.  I  feel 
that  the  secret  of  true  love  lies  in  winning  rather  than  in 
driving  the  soul  to  Christ.  By  patient  continuance  in  well 
doing,  I  wait  for  the  bright  fruition  of  the  sustaining  hope 
that  he  will  yet  repent  sincerely;  that  he  will  turn  from  his 
wickedness  and  live  a  different  life.  I  do  Ions;  to  see  him 


"YOU  SHOULD  RETURN."  133 

brought  to  an  acknowledgment  of  the  truth,  before  I  leave 
this  Asylum. 

I  have  reason  to  think  his  wife  is  already  able  to  see  the 
fallacy  he  is  trying  to  sustain  in  calling  me  an  insane  person. 
She  said  to  me,  "you  never  would  have  been  permitted  to 
enter  this  institution  had  we  known  what  we  now  do."  This 
to  my  mind  is  saying,  "  we  do  not  consider  you  a  fit  subject 
for  this  institution,  on  the  ground  of  your  being  insane, 
nor  have  we  reason  to  believe  you  have  been  so  at  home." 
She  told  me  that  Dr.  Sturtevant's  course  towards  their  minis- 
ter, Mr.  Marshall,  had  done  much  to  open  her  eyes  to  the 
truth.  As  much  as  to  say,  "  if  human  creeds  can  so  influence 
one  man  to  trespass  upon  the  rights  of  another,  may  they  not 
have  influenced  Mr.  Packard  to  trespass  on  the  inalienable 
rights  of  his  wife." 

I  intend  Dr.  McFarland  shall  never  hereafter  have  occasion 
to  reproach  me  for  not  having  warned  him,  and  used  all  avail- 
able means  to  bring  him  to  repentance.  He  shall  have  occa- 
sion to  say  of  me  as  Belshazzar  said  of  Daniel,  when  the  de- 
struction cume  upon  him,  of  which  the  faithful  prophet  warned 
him  "0,  Daniel.  Daniel,  would  that  I  had  heeded  thy  warn- 
ing before  it  was  too  late  !"  In  short,  I  intend  to  do  my  du- 
ty to  Dr.  McFarland  and  leave  results  with  God. 


XXV. 
•'You  should  Return  to  your  Husbaud." 

One  day  in  my  extreme  distress  I  presented  the  following 
note  to  Dr.  McFarland.  "My  Brother  in  Christ,  I  am  suf- 
fering a  temptation  from  the  powers  of  darkness  to  swerve 
from  my  purpose  of  holy  obedience  to  God's  revealed  will. 
As  a  sister  in  Christ,  in  deep  affliction,  I  began  interest  in 
your  prayers  that  my  faith  fail  not.  Your  sister,  in  Christ, 
E.  P.  W.  P." 


134  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

After  glancing  at  it,  and  reading  so  far  as  "  to  swerve  from 
my  purpose  of  holy  obedience,"  &c,  he  feelingly  inquired, 
"What  do  you  mean  by  your  temptation?" 

"  I  feel  only  tempted  to  complain  of  my  lot,  and  to  impa- 
tiently wish  to  be  delivered  out  of  the  power  of  my  persecu- 
tors. Doctor,  I  do  so  want  my  freedom  !  But  I  am  not 
tempted  to  desire  it  at  the  expense  of  my  conscience,  that  is, 
I  am  not  tempted  in  the  least  by  a  desire  to  return  to  my 
husband,  nor  could  any  influence  tempt  me  to  do  this  deed, 
since  for  me  it  would  be  a  sin  against  God  to  do  so." 

""Well,  to  pray  for  you — I  want  to  do  for  you!  what  can  I 
do?" 

"  Do  right  ;  by  letting  me  have  my  liberty  to  support  my- 
self, as  other  wives  do  who  cannot  live  with  their  husbands." 

"  The  only  right  course  for  you  is  to  return  to  your  hus- 
band, and  do  as  a  true  woman  should  do  ;  be  to  him  a  true 
and  loving  wife,  as  you  promised  to  be  by  your  marriage  vow, 
unto  death,  and  until  you  do  consent  to  do  so,  there  is  no  pros- 
pect of  your  getting  out  of  this  place  !  for  until  you  will  give 
up  this  insane  unreasonable  notion  of  your  duty  forbidding  it, 
I  consider  this  institution  the  proper  place  for  yon  to  spend 
your  days  in,  for  you  must  be  maintained  somewhere,  by  char- 
ity, if  it  is  not  true  as  you  pretend  that  you  have  helpers 
outside  who  promise  you  pecuniary  aid,  but  give  neither  you 
nor  me  any  guarantee  to  that  effect." 

"  I  do  not  feel  that  I  am  an  object  of  charity  so  long  as  I 
have  health  and  abilities  to  render  me  self-reliant  ;  although 
I  know  my  situation  is  a  very  unpleasant  one  for  a  woman, 
reported  to  be  lost  to  reason,  to  contend  with.  For  who  will 
desire  or  employ  an  insane  person  as  housekeeper,  cook,  nurse 
or  teacher  ;  still  I  could  try,  and  if  I  did  not  succeed  I  could 
drop  into  a  poor-house,  such  as  tho  laws  of  the  state  provide 
for  the  indigent  to  die  in." 

"  What  poor-house  ?" 

"  Jacksonville,  if  I  could  get  no  further." 

"  No,  you  have  no  claim  there." 

"  Manteno,    then." 


"YOU  SHOULD  RETURN."  135 

"No,  you  are  not  a  woman  who  can  be  trusted,  for  your 
own  conduct  here  has  proved  you  to  be  entirely  unworthy  of 
trust  or  confidence.  You  have  abused  the  trust  I  have  re- 
posed in  you,  and  betrayed  me  in  every  possible  way,  by  mis- 
representation and  abuse.  You  have  proved  to  me, that  you 
are  all  that  your  husband  represents  you  to  be,  that  he  is  an 
injured  and  abused  man,  and  you  are  a  worthless  woman,  for 
it  is  impossible  for  your  husband  to  be  such  a  man  as  you  rep- 
resent him  to  be  and  sustain  the  spotless  character,  as  a 
minister,  which  he  does,  and  always  has." 

"Don't  I  know,  Doctor,  a  little  more  of  his  private  charac- 
ter, as  a  husband,  than  any  other  one  ?  and  is  it  not  possible 
for  one  to  assume  a  false  character  abroad?  Have  not  the 
fall  of  many  good  men,  reported  above  censure,  proved  that  it 
is  sometimes  the  case  ?" 

"  No,  I  think  it  is  impossible  for  your  account  of  him  to  be 
a  true  one,  and  I  regard  this  institution  as  the  only  fit  plaoo 
for  you,  so  long  as  you  are  not  willing  to  return  to  him." 

"Is  it  right,  here  in  America  to  coerce  a  woman's  con- 
science, compelling  her  to  do  what  she  believes  to  be  wrong? 
My  views  of  my  personal  duty  is  my  rule  for  me,  as  your 
views  are  for  you.  I  regard  it  as  persecuting  Christianity 
thus  to  treat  me,  and  that  the  cloak  of  insanity  is  the  only 
legalized  popular  mode  of  doing  it  at  the  present  day." 

"  No,  Mrs.  Packard,  you  are  talking  unreasonably,  in  an 
insane  manner,  and  all  reasonable  people  will  call  it  so,  for 
you  to  so  represent  duty  ;  and  so  long  as  you  hold  on  to  these 
views,  there  is  no  hope  for  a  change  that  I  can  see." 

"Now  I  understand  you.  Now  I  am  satisfied,  for  the  real- 
ity, however  painful,  is  far  less  unbearable  than  suspense.  I 
now  know  what  Mrs.  Hosmer  told  me  is  true,  although  I  was 
loth  to  believe  you  were  so  entirely  lost  to  justice  and  honor. 
She  said  there  was  no  hope  of  my  getting  out  of  this  institution  • 
so  long  as  you  superintended  it." 

"  Did  Mrs.  Hosmer  eay  so  ?" 

"  She  did."  He  then  tried  to  qualify  what  "he  had  said.  He 
did  not  seem  to  like  to  have  me  cherish  that  view  exactly, 


136  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

but  how  he  meant  to  qualify  it  I  could  not  understand.  I 
know  that  the  utterance  of  simple  unqualified  truth  is  the 
hardest  language  which  can  be  employed. 

But  on  this  simple  weapon  of  naked  truth  I  intend  to  rely 
for  my  own  defence  arid  protection.  The  world  may  credit 
or  discredit  my  statements,  just  as  they  please  ;  my  responsi- 
bility is  done  with  the  utterance  of  it.  The  superintendence 
of  another's  conscience  is  not  my  work.  God  forbid  that  I 
ever  put  forth  my  hand,  Uzza  like,  to  steady  the  conscience 
of  another,  since  I  know  that  God  alone  claims  the  right  to 
protect  his  own  sacred  ark.  I  intend  no  man  or  woman  shall 
ever  steady  my  own.  This  is  God's  exclusive  work. 


XXVI. 
Uncared  For. 

(FROM  MY  JOURNAL.) 

I  have  been  in  bed  for  a  few  days  to  rest  my  brain  by  sleep 
and  sitz-baths.  The  means  have  been  blessed  and  I  am  bet- 
ter. Forab<5ut  two  weeks  I  have  been  afflicted  with  a  head- 
ache most  of  the  time.  This  is  something  new  for  me.  I 
scarcely  ever  had  a  headache  in  all  my  life.  Indeed  I  hardly 
know  what  pain  of  body  is,  I  am  so  blessed  with  such  sound 
and  vigorous  health.  But  when  the  doctor  told' me  I  must 
return  to  my  husband  or  die  here,  it  cost  me  a  mental  struggle 
which  has  prostrated  me  upon  this  sick  bed.  It  is  these  spir- 
itual wrongs  which  cause  woman  so  much  feeble  health,  and 
break  down  the  strongest  constitution.  Knowing  this,  I  must 
try  to  fortify  nature  in  every  possible  manner  within  my  reach, 
so  that  the  citadel  of  my  health  need  not  suffer  detriment  ; 
for  if  that  should  fail,  I  fear  my  courage  would  fail  with  it. 
The  degree  of  faith,  trust  and  confidence  I  am  able  to  sum- 
mon into  this  field  of  action  depends  much  upon  the  healthful 
vigor  and  nervous  energy  I  can  command.  Therefore  to  keep 
my  faith  strong,  I  must  keep  my  health  good. 


UNCARED  FOB.  137 

But  0,  the  spiritual  pangs  Dr.  McFarland  causes  me  to 
endure  !  it  does  seem  that  soul  and  body  must  be  severed  by 
them.  Were  it  not  for  the  "balm  of  Gilead  and  the  physi- 
cian" there,  I  must  have  laid  down  my  life  ere  this,  if  agony 
of  soul  could  extinguish  it.  It  does  seem  to  me  that  I  am 
experiencing  what  my  Savior  felt  when  he  cried,  "If  it  be 
possible  let  this  cup  pass  from  me  ;  nevertheless,  not  as  I 
will,  but  as  Thou  wilt."  I  feel  that  I  am  alone  in  the  gar- 
den of  Gethsemane,  watching,  praying  and  longing  for  human 
sympathy  in  vain  to  come  to  my  help.  But  ah  !  they  sleep  I 
Could  none,  not  even  one  friend  come  to  rescue  me  out  of 
the  hands  of  my  enemies?  No,  none.  "No  man  careth  for 
my  soul."  I  must,  single-handed  and  alone,  contend  for  the 
truth  in  defending  the  rights  of  suffering  humanity.  But  I 
can  do  it.  God  has  not  sent  me  into  this  field  to  fight  alone; 
no,  God  and  angels  are  my  body-guard  and  helpers.  I  will 
fear  no  evil,  for  with  such  helpers,  I  am  invincible  to  attacks. 
Although  my  physical  strength  does  suffer,  yet  the  means  are 
being  blessed,  so  that  the  congestion  of  the  brain  which  I 
feared  would  cause  my  death,  is  now  warded  off,  and  I  can 
hope  that  my  strength  will  be  equal  to  sustain  the  ponderous 
burdens  my  soul  has  to  bear  from  the  injustice  of  others.  I 
am  carried  in  triumph  safely  through  such  perils,  and  I  now 
feel  quite  confident  that  my  life  will  not  be  given  as  a  prey 
to  my  enemies.  I  expect  to  achieve  a  complete  victory  over 
my  sagacious  foes.  And  although  Dr.  McFarland  has  kept 
me  nine  weary  months  already,  to  gratify  the  wishes  of  a 
wicked  conspiracy ;  and  although  my  heart  is  suffering,  and 
I  see  no  prospect  of  ever  getting  out  of  this  prison,  yet  I  fear 
not  to  act  the  true  woman,  and  simply,  quietly  wait  in  pa- 
tience, future  developments. 

But  0,  my  Savior,  I  must  tell  thee  all.  I  do  so  long  to  be 
with  my  dear  children,  that  I  do  want  to  hasten  the  day  of 
my  deliverance,  by  working  hard,  and  so  getting  my  work 
done  the  sooner.  I  do  not  wish  to  shirk  any  duty ;  but  on 
the  contrary,  I  want  to  do  all  my  appointed  work  here  well, 
and  then  go  to  rest  with  my  children,  taking  thy  blessing 


138  THE   PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

•with  me.  For  even  my  children  will  be  to  me  no  blessing  if 
secured  at  the  sacrifice  of  thy  favor  and  smiles.  I  only  want 
God-given  blessings,  bestowed  in  God's  own  way  and  time ; 
and  to  secure  these  I  am  only  required  to  do  right  and  suffer 
right. 

While  encountering  Pharaoh's  hardness  of  heart  in  Dr. 
McFarland,  I  must,  like  Moses,  meekly  suffer,  until  God  de- 
livers me  out  of  his  cruel  influence.  I  believe  the  time  has 
come  when  this  hard  hearted  man  must  be  punished  for  his 
iniquities.  For  a  long  time  he  has  sustained  the  responsibil- 
ities of  his  position  with  honors  not  deserved.  He  has  for  a 
long  time  been  trying  to  cover  up  the  barbarities  of  his  treat- 
ment of  the  prisoners,  and  has  succeeded  in  making  it  appear 
otherwise.  He  has  so  deluded  the  minds  of  the  Trustees  and 
Legislature,  by  his  sophistry  and  deep,  cunning  artifice,  as  to 
secure  such  laws  as  protect  him  in  doing  his  nefarious  work 
thus  long  undetected  and  unmolested. 

But  the  "searcher  of  hearts"  can  not  be  deceived  or  de- 
luded. He  can  not  be  controlled  by  misrepresentations  and 
a  covert  of  lies.  Lo  !  God,  himself,  by  his  providence,  is  to 
bring  him  to  justice  ;  for  after  his  long  forbearance  towards 
him,  by  giving  him  opportunities  and  space  for  repentance, 
he  persists  in  clinging  to  his  sins,  instead  of  repenting  of 
them.  And  now,  Pharaoh  like,  he  has  sinned  away  his  day 
of  grace,  so  that  repentance  can  not  now  be  accepted  and 
pardon  secured  ;  but  on  the  contrary,  he  must  suffer  the  pun- 
ishment due  for  his  transgressions.  The  curse  which  his  own 
conduct  has  secured,  must  come  upon  him,  and  no  human 
power  can  prevent  it.  I  do  believe  Dr.  McFarland  is  now, 
like  Pharaoh,  undergoing  that  hardening  of  heart  process 
which  God  calls  his  work ;  that  is,  God  will  not  let  him  re- 
perrt  until  he  has  been  punished.  In  other  words,  justice, 
stern  justice,  has  taken  the  place  which  mercy  before  occu- 
pied. And  when  God  hardens  the  heart,  no  man  can  soften 
it.  Inevitable  destruction  invariably  follows  God's  hardening 
process. 

I   do  not   now   expect   to   get  out  of  this   prison  by  Dr. 


SELF-DEFENCE.  139 

McFarland's  free  agencj,  but  only  in  opposition  to  it.  A 
stronger  than  he  must  first  take  this  Insane  palace,  and  then 
the  choice  goods  of  his  own  manufacture  will  be  in  peace  and 
safety.  0,  my  God,  hasten  that  day,  for  thine  Israel,  thy 
chosen  ones,  languish  and  mourn,  deeply  mourn  their  pres- 
ent unholy,  wretched  condition !  I  told  Dr.  Sturtevant 
the  truth  yesterday,  when  I  said,  "  Some  of  the  choicest 
spirits  in  the  universe  are  here,  suffering  persecution,  under 
the  mask  of  hypocrisy,  and  the  Superintendent  here  is  cruelly 
unjust  to  us." 

"Then  be  comforted,"  said  he,  "by  the  fact  that  'there  is 
nothing  covered  that  shall  not  be  revealed,  or  hid,  that  shall 
not  be  known,'  and  justice  will,  in  God's  own  time,  be  sure  to 
come  to  each,  and  every  one."  Dr.  Sturtevant,  our  chaplain, 
does  bring  to  us  many  heavenly  messages,  which  have  been 
to  me  a  great  source  of  comfort  and  consolation ;  my  fainting 
spirit  has  often  been  revived,  and  my  faith  and  hope  strength- 
ened by  his  ministrations. 

This  hardening  process  of  the  heart,  such  as  God  claims  as 
his  work,  is  only  the  developing  of  the  real  character,  which 
character  we  had  previously  acquired  by  our  own  voluntary 
acts,  while  we  had  the  liberty  to  choose  for  ourselves  either 
the  good  or  evil.  But  when  we  have  reached  a  certain  point, 
the  ability  to  choose  the  good  is  supplanted,  or,  for  a  time, 
entirely  taken  from  us,  so  that  we  can  then  only  choose  evil. 
God  is  then  in  his  way  hardening  the  heart. 


XXVII. 
Self-defence.    Clandestine  letters. 

The  oppressor's  guilt  renders  him  peculiarly  sensitive  to  any 
action  on  the  part  of  the  injured  one,  by  way  of  self-defence. 
Therefore,  in  order  to  practice  this  duty,  we  are  always  com- 
pelled to  use  what  some  would  regard  as  unjustifiable  means. 
And  yet,  in  exchange  of  circumstances,  these  complainera 


140  THE  PEISONEK'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

would  feel  no  scruples  in  doing  the  same  thing  of  which  they 
complain. 

Here  I  am  literally  entombed  alive  by  fraudulent  means, 
for  a  wicked  purpose.  The  walls  of  my  sepulcher  are  the 
walls  of  this  Asylum.  I  am  allowed  no  communication  with 
the  outside  world.  No  one  inside  these  walls  can  aid  me  in 
doing  so,  without  proving  recreant  to  his  trust  as  an  employee. 
And  no  visitor  is  allowed  to  take  out  a  letter  from  a  patient  in 
a  public  institution,  without  the  Superintendent's  knowledge 
or  consent. 

Now  what  shall  1  do?  Shall  I  quietly  submit  to  these 
unjust  laws,  framed  for  the  very  purpose  of  perpetuating  an 
absolute  despotism?  I  am  a  law  defender  ;  I  do  not  like  to  be 
a  law  breaker,  and  God  is  never  compelled  to  violate  law  to 
bring  about  His  purposes,  neither  does  he  allow  us  to  trans- 
gress any  moral  or  natural  law,  to  accomplish  our  purposes, 
however  desirable.  When  we  see  no  way  of  getting  out  of 
a  sad  dilemma,  except  that  of  wrong  doing,  we  are  directed 
to  "  Wait,  wait  on  the  Lord,"  that  is,  wait  until  Providence 
opens  a  way  for  us.  Like  the  traveller,  in  pursuing  his  on- 
ward course,  coming  in  contact  with  the  moving  train,  has 
nothing  to  do  but  to  stop  and  wait  until  it  passes  by  ;  thus 
Providence  clears  his  track,  without  any  law  being  broken. 
Therefore,  however  desirable  it  may  seem  to  me,  to  be  free 
to  care  for.  and  communicate  with  my  precious  children,  yet, 
although  this  vision  tarries  long,  I  must  wait  until  the  train, 
however  long,  passes  by,  before  I  can  possibly  behold  this 
prospect. 

Again,  I  must  not  murmur  nor  complain,  although  1  am 
most  keenly  sensitive  to  the  humiliation  of  my  circumstances. 
But  I  will  not  bow  down  to  wickedness.  I  do,  and  act,  as 
well  as  I  know  how,  and  will  continue  to  do  so,  knowing  that 
impossibilities  are  not  required  of  me  by  my  righteous  Judge, 
for  I  know  that  every  good  act  is  an  investment  in  the  bank 
of  faith,  and  its  dividends  never  fall  short.  I  believe  too, 
that  God  requires  me  not  only  to  pray  that  wrong  doing  bo 
stopped,  but  also  to  act  in  concert  with  this  prayer,  and  the 


SELF-DEFENCE.  14:1 

wrong  doing,  which  it  is  my  duty  to  stop,  are  the  sins  against 
myself.  I  must  begin  at  home,  for  lean  never  defend  others 
until  I  can  defend  myself ;  for  how  can  a  mother  defend  her 
children,  unless  she  can  defend  herself?  I  must  defend  myself 
not  only  for  their  sake,  but  also  for  the  sake  of  society  where 
I  belong.  1  have  already  tried  the  force  of  argument,  reason, 
and  entreaty,  to  induce  Dr.  McFarland  to  allow  me  some 
chance  at  self-defence,  but  all  in  vain.  I  can  not  get  his  con- 
sent in  this  matter,  therefore,  the  act  being  right  in  itself,  and 
a  duty  also,  I  must  act  not  only  without  his  consent,  but 
without  his  knowledge.  Therefore,  under  the  circumstances, 
a  clandestine  act  of  self-defence  is  not  a  sinful  act  because  of 
its  secresy. 

But  who  shall  I  apply  to,  and  how  ?  are  the  next  questions 
to  be  settled.  I  will  first  appeal  to  the  Trustees,  as  they  are 
the  power  to  whom  my  earthly  destiny  is  now  committed,  and 
they  have  the  first  right  to  superintend  Dr.  McFarland's  ac- 
tions, in  regard  to  the  prisoners  under  his  charge  ;  and  I  feel 
morally  bound  to  try  to  get  the  Trustees  to  compel  their  Su- 
perintendent  to  act  justly  towards  me. 

Under  the  influence  of  such  feelings  I  wrote  the  following 
letter  to  the  Trustees,  on  a  piece  of  tissue  paper,  which,  when 
folded  compactly,  occupied  a  space  no  larger  than  a  silver 
quarter.  I  knew  they  were  to  hold  a  session  at  the  Asylum 
in  March  next,  1861,  and  it  was  to  be  my  business  to  get  this 
letter  to  them  at  this  meeting.  But  here  was  the  difficulty. 
Since,  hiding  me  amongst  the  maniacs  the  Doctor  had  evinced 
a  peculiar  sensitiveness  at  my  being  seen  there,  which  was 
never  manifested  while  I  was  an  occupant  of  the  Seventh 
ward.  And  he  had  even  led  the  Trustees  past  this  ward,  with- 
out even  allowing  them  to  enter  it,  since  he  had  consigned  me 
to  it.  Now  how  could  I  give  them  my  letter,  either  openly 
or  secretly  ?  No  employee  would  do  it  for  me,  lest  Dr.  McFar- 
land's  displeasure  be  incurred,  and  then  of  course,  a  "discharge" 
awaited  them.  Still,  watching  and  praying  constantly, 
while  they  were  in  the  house,  I  carried  my  little  note  in  my 
pocket,  hoping  by  some  good  fortune,  I  might  yet  get  it  into 
their  hands. 


142  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

At  length  my  name  was  announced  as  wanted  in  the  dining 
room.  I  gladly  responded  to  the  call,  where  I  found  Mrs.  Mc- 
Farland  and  Mrs.  Miner  waiting  to  receive  me  to  hold  an  in- 
terview with  me.  Finding  it  too  dangerous  to  take  my  call- 
ers into  the  hall  which  I  now  occupied,  I  was  then  allowed 
the  exposure  of  my  own  life  to  be  suspended  long  enough  to 
entertain  them  in  the  dining-room.  Happy  beyond  measure  to 
find  myself  in  the  presence  of  a  trustee's  wife,  my  whole  men- 
tal powers  were  centered  upon  knowing  how  to  employ  her 
as  the  confidential  medium  of  my  letter  to  the  Trustees.  But 
the  fact  was  self-evident  to  me,  that  Mrs.  McFarland  had 
come  as  a  spy  upon  me,  lest  I  should,  in  some  manner,  either 
by  word  or  look  or  letter,  communicate  to  her  some  intimation 
of  the  injustice  I  was  experiencing  at  her  husband's  hands. 
And  so  complete  was  the  espionage  she  exercised,  that  I  be- 
gan to  fear  that  this  hope  must  expire  in  its  bud.  When  they 
arose  to  leave,  and  as  Mrs.  McFarland's  back  was  towards  us 
as  she  opened  the  diningroom  door,  I  watched  my  chance  and 
buried  this  little  note  in  the  palm  of  Mrs  Miner's  hand,  and 
closing  her  hand  upon  it,  I  gave  it  a  significant  pressure,  as 
much  as  to  say,  "  don't  betray  me,  but  do  your  duty  ;"  and  at 
the  same  time  kissing  her,  so  that  the  transfer  seemed  a  per- 
fect and  satisfactory  success  ;  that  is,  I  fe/.t  sure  she  under- 
stood my  meaning,  and  was  willing  to  aid  me  in  doing  any- 
thing right  and  consistent.  Of  course,  she  could  and  would 
read  the  open  note  before  assuming  any  farther  responsibility. 
And  from  the  impression  I  received  of  her  feelings,  I  was  sat- 
isfied that  she  would  do  right  about  it.  But  whether  I  then 
misjudged  her, 'Jean  not  tell,  or  whether  her  husband  kept  the 
letter  himself,  or  communicated  it  to  the  Trustees,  I  know  not 
But  this  I  do  know,  I  never  heard  from  the  note,  or  from  its 
influence. 

That  seed,  though  thus  buried  for  seven  long  years,  now 
rises  to  a  tangible  influence,  and  by  its  mute  appeal  to  the 
law-makers  who  read  this  letter,  it  may  lead  them  to  see  the 
necessity  of  demanding  fidelity  in  their  public  officers,  to 
whom  they  have  entrusted  the  sacred  right  of  their  personal 
liberty. 


SELF-DEFENCE.  143 

To  the  Trustees  of  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum,  in  session 

at  their  March  meeting,  1861. 

GENTLEMEN:  Can  I  hope  to  get  any  help  from  you?  Are 
you  ministers  of  justice  ?  Can  the  cry  of  the  needy  and 
afflicted  find  in  you  any  response  ?  Why,  0,  why  is  it  that 
oppressed  woman  can  not  find  in  man  a  natural  protector  ? 
0,  the  model  man  could  not  turn  speechless  away  when  op- 
pressed innocence  cried  for  help.  0,  will  you,  like  Dr. 
McFarland,  turn  a  deaf  ear  to  my  prayer  ?  Can  you  hope 
to  be  heard  when  you  call  in  your  time  of  need,  if  you  will  ? 
Gentlemen,  here  under  your  inspection,  a  faithful,  kind, 
Christian  mother,  and  an  Illinois  citizen,  has  been  imprisoned 
nearly  nine  months  for  simply  exercising  her  God-given  rights 
of  opinion  and  conscience ;  and  this,  too,  in  only  a  ladylike 
and  Christian  manner.  Nothing  else  ! 

Now,  can  you  be  guiltless  and  let  this  persecution  go  on 
under  your  jurisdiction?  Do  remember,  and  be  warned  by 
God's  unchangeable  law,  viz:  "  "With  what  measure  ye  mete 
withal,  it  shall  be  measured  to  you  again."  Do  be  merciful 
to  me  that  God  may  be  merciful  to  you.  Do  allow  me  to  live 
a  natural  life  in  America,  so  long  as  my  own  actions  allow  me 
a  claim  to  my  own  freedom.  Do  deliver  me  out  of  the  hands 
of  Dr.  McFarland,  for  he  has  claimed  to  be  better  than  God 
to  me,  in  that  he  says  to  me  that  his  judgment  is  a  safer  guide 
for  me  than  my  own  conscience !  I  0,  horrible  !  And  yet  I 
am  in  the  absolute  power  of  such  a  man.  Do,  I  beg  of  you, 
deliver  me  from  this  fear  of  evil !  Do  but  give  me  the  oppor- 
tunity, and  I  will  give  you  my  pledge,  if  necessary,  that 
America  need  no  longer  be  burdened  with  me,  as  a  citizen, 
than  until  I  can  get  under  the  protection  of  the  English 
crown,  where  I  can  hope  to  enjoy  my  rights  of  opinion  and 
conscience  unmolested. 

O,  America  !  My  country,  when  will  you  erase  the  stigma 
you  now  carry,  of  having  imprisoned  an  innocent,  unprotect- 
ed minister's  wife,  for  simply  obeying  God,  by  trying  to  live 
a  life  of  practical  godliness?  Shall  a  woman  of  America, 
when  she  consents  to  become  a  wife,  and  to  her  sorrow  finds 
that  the  man  whom  she  chose  to  be  her  protector,  has  instead, 


144  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

become  the  subjector  of  her  womanly  rights,  be  compelled  to 
leave  her  offspring  motherless,  and  be  entombed  alive,  in  an 
Insane  Asylum,  simply  because  there  is  no  power  in  the  laws 
of  the  land  to  protect  her  against  the  despotic  will  of  her 
husband?  0,  when  will  my  countrymen  fear  God,  more  than 
they  do  the  oppressor  ? 

Gentlemen,  action,  investigation,  is  demanded  of  you,  by 
this  appeal,  in  order  that  your  souls  be  found  guiltless  in  this 
matter.  Dare  to  do  your  duty,  and  God  will  bless  you. 

Your  suffering  sister,  E.  P.  "W.  PACKAKD. 

After  receiving  the  above  letter,  I  think  a  failure  to  inves- 
tigate into  the  merits  of  the  case  was  in  itself  a  criminal  act. 
Ignorance  of  the  state  of  my  mental  faculties  could  no  longer 
shield  them,  for  the  letter  contains  a  sufficient  degree  of  intel- 
ligence to  arouse  an  investigation  to  see  if  what  I  claimed 
was  true  or  false.  But  merely  "  doing  not,1'1  did  not  extenuate 
their  guilt,  for  the  perpetuating  of  a  wrong.  It  enhanced  it; 
for  the  postponement  of  a  difficult  crisis  only  renders  a  settle- 
ment more  difficult,  and  the  evil  consequences  more  inevitable 
and  unavoidably  certain.  Guilt  was  daily  accumulating  by 
each  added  day  of  most  wearisome  imprisonment,  and  that 
tender  babe  was  being  thus  deprived  of  its  right  to  its  mother's 
care,  and  that  little  flock  of  tender  lambs  were  daily  and 
hourly  in  suffering  need  of  a  mother's  care  and  sympathy. 
Yes,  the  quicker  the  settlement,  the  easier  and  the  better, 
both  for  them  and  the  injured  victims  of  this  most  cruel 
conspiracy.  Now,  they  can  not  clear  themselves  of  guilt,  if, 
Pilate  like,  they  do  try  to  throw  the  responsibility  off  them- 
selves upon  Dr.  McFarland.  For  they  know  that  for  his  act 
they  will  be  held  justly  responsible,  in  the  same  sense  that 
the  Superintendent  is  held  responsible  for  the  acts  of  his  em- 
ployees. For  my  aggravated  and  enhanced  sufferings  from 
this  time,  I  hold  the  Trustees  responsible ;  for  it  seemed  that 
the  Doctor's  story  was  heeded"  and  mine  rejected,  thus  dele- 
gating an  increased  power  to  the  Doctor  to  abuse  me,  just  as 
his  upholding  Lizzy  Bonner  in  her  barbarities,  only  enhanced 
her  power  to  harm  still  more. 

Indeed  I  suffered  so  much  from  his  tyranny,  for  nine  months 


t 

SELF-DEFENCE.  145 

from  this  time,  that  even  the  sight  of  the  man,  or  the  sound 
or  sight  of  his  name,  was  instinctively  and  inseparably  associ- 
ated with  horror  in  my  mind.  But  the  details  of  this  period 
of  purgatorial  mental  anguish,  as  I  find  it  delineated  in  my 
journal,  it  will  be  impossible  for  me  to  give  within  the  limits 
of  this  volume.  I  did  propose  when  I  projected  the  plan  of 
this  book,  to  give  the  history  of  these  wrongs  in  detail  to  the 
world  ;  but  I  shrink  from  the  task.  The  record  of  the  ada- 
mantine pen  God  himself  will  give  in  his  own  way  and  time 
in  complete  detail.  This  record  can  never  be  obliterated,  ex- 
cept by  repentance  on  Dr.  McFarland's  part  for  the  wrongs  I 
have  suffered  at  his  hands.  I  am  determined,  by  God's  help, 
now  to  write  my  own  history  in  chapters  indelible  and  inde- 
structable  in  my  own  honest  deeds. 

The  following  letter  to  Dr.  Shirley,  of  Jacksonville,  written 
during  these  days  of  anguish,  on  sjome  cloth,  or  tissue  tea- 
paper  which  I  obtained  from  the  sewing-room,  I  handed  to  Dr. 
Sturtevant  after  chapel  service  in  a  manner  similiar  to  what 
I  did  with  my  note  to  Mrs.  Miner,  except  that  I  confined  my 
salutation  to  a  shake  of  his  hand  as  I  slipped  the  note  into  it. 
But  I  am  sorry  to  say  I  have  more  reason^to  think  he  betrayed 
me  to  the  Doctor,  than  I  have  that  Mrs.  Miner  did,  for  the 
Doctor  told  me  himself  that  he  had  destroyed  a  ''worthless 
letter"  Dr.  Sturtevant  had  given  him  from  me,  I  doubt  not 
but  he  spoke  a  truth  in  making  that  confession  to  me,  and 
I  think  it  was  uttered  under  the  influence  of  an  exultant  feel- 
ing which  said,  "  So  you  see,  Mrs.  Packard,  I  can  head  you 
anywhere  !  you  are  my  helpless  victim." 

"Never  mind,  Dr.  McFarland,  you  did  then  hold  me,  and 
the  letter  too,  in  your  power,  but  now  I  hold  that  letter  in  my 
power,  to  publish  to  the  world,  that  my  readers  may  see  in 
what  its  "  worthlessness  "  consisted  ;  and  I  hold  now  myself 
and  you  too,  where  the  verdict  of  public  sentiment  will  com- 
pel us  both  to  stand  just  where  our  own  actions  will  place  us." 
And  Dr.  Shirley  can  also  see  in  what  estimation  I  then  held 
him.  This  opinion  I  based  upon  an  interview  I  held  with 
him  in  the  Doctor's  parlor,  in  company  with  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Jlessing,  and  as  I  was  personally  acquainted  with  no  other 


146  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

man  in  Jacksonville,  I  of  course  made  application  to  him  as  a 
dernier  resort. 

INSANE  ASYLUM,  March  20,  1861. 

DB.  SHIRLEY — Kind  Sir:  Constrained  by  the  law  of  self- 
preservation,  I  feel  compelled  to  make  an  appeal  to  your 
humanity  for  help.  Yes,  help  for  me,  a  helpless  victim  of  • 
severe  persecution.  I  am  sick,  and  need  some  human  helper, 
for  on  the  side  of  my  oppressors  there  is  power  ;  yes,  power 
to  harm,  too,  yet  I  have  no  protection  save  Omnipotence.  My 
heart  turns  instinctively  to  you,  kind  Sir,  hoping  and  trusting 
that  the  God-like  principle  of  manhood  has  not  become  extinct 
in  you,  and  therefore,  I  have  a  foundation  on  which  to  make 
my  appeal. 

Dr.  Shirley,  I  am  indeed  an  injured  woman,  and  my  case 
ought  to  arouse  and  command  an  investigation  ;  at  least,  so 
far  as  to  grant  me  some  kind  of  trial,  before  perpetuating  my 
imprisonment  any  longer.  Can  you  not  do. something  to  se- 
cure me  one?  I  do  beg  and  entreat,  with  all  the  power  of 
woman's  eloquence,  that  you  do  deliver  me  out  of  Dr.  McFar- 
land's  hands.  He  is  my  oppressor,  my  unjust  and  cruel  per- 
secutor. He  claims  that  "his  judgment  is  a  safer  guide  for 
me  than  my  conscience."  These  are  his  own  words;  and  I 
am  in  the  absolute  power  of  such  a  man.  What  protection 
have  I  under  a  man  who  ignores  the  conscience  of  his  victim? 
Do  deliver  me  from  this  fear  of  evil,  and  my  soul  shall  bless 
you  forever. 

And  I  have  given  this  usurper  my  written  pledge,  that  I 
shall  expose  him  to  the  world  whenever  I  get  out,  unless  he 
repents  of  his  inhumanities  to  the  patients.  And  he  knows, 
too,  that;  I  am  a  truthful  woman,  and  can  never  break  this 
pledge. 

Ask  wisdom — do  your  duty — and  do  not  yield  to  the  tempta- 
tion to  fear  to  cope  with  the  great  Dr.  McFarland  in  defence 
of  the  injured.  Omnipotence  will  shield  you  in  doing  your 
duty.  My  heart  is  full,  but  my  means  of  communication  are 
entirely  cut  off,  so  far  as  the  Doctor  can  prevent  it.  If  pos- 
sible, come  to  me,  and  I  will  tell  you  what  I  can  not,  and 


MISS  MARY  TOMLIN.  147 

dare  not  write.  0,  do  let  a  God-fearing  humanity,  not  a  man- 
fearing  despotism,  control  your  actions,  and  I  trust  heaven  will 
protect  you. 

In  the  name  of  justice,  humanity,  and  of  the  State,  I  have 
requested  a  meeting  of  the  Trustees  on  my  account ;  but  Dr. 
McFarland's  reply  leaves  me  nothing  to  hope  for  in  that  di- 
rection. Still,  duties  are  mine,  and  events  God's.  I  know 
my  life  is  worth  preserving,  for  the  sake  of  my  six  children,  if 
for  no  other  purpose,  and  "For  me  to  live  is  Christ,  and  to 
die,  gain."  Still  all  lawful  means  I  feel  bound  to  use,  to  pre- 
serve life,  and  then  I  can  say,  God's  will  be  done. 
Your  humble,  earnest  petitioner, 

E.  P.  W.  PACKARD. 

XXVIII. 
Miss  Mary  Tomlin. — A  Model  'Attendant. 

I  never  saw  Miss  Mary  Tomlin  abuse  a  patient,  and  she  was 
my  attendant  for  nearly  one  year.  She,  unlike  most  attendants, 
did  not  seem  to  become  calous  and  indifferent  towards  them, 
because  she  would  not  allow  herself  to  do  the  first  unkind  act. 
It  is  very  noticeable  here  that  the  beginning  of  wrong  doing 
is  like^the  letting  out  of  water,  over  the  edge  of  a  fountain. 
When  the  first  few  drops  have  trickled  over,  there  is  apt  to 
be  a  few  more,  and  a  few  more,  until  a  deep  and  broad  channel 
is  soon  formed  through  which  the  waters  of  human  kindness 
are  allowed  to  pass  into  a  state  of  exhaustless  annihilation. 
When  this  groove  was  once  made,  it  was  never  closed  up  un- 
der the  Asylum  influence.  The  only  security  an  employee 
or  boarder  could  have  of  maintaining  their  integrity,  lay  in  their 
not  doing  the  first  wrong  act.  This  was  the  secret  of  her 
triumph  over  the  contagion  of  that  most  corrupt  house.  She 
was  entered  in  my  ward,  and  although  initiated  under  our 
most  unexemplary  attendant,  Mrs.  De  Lallay,  she  seemed  to 
have  moral  courage  enough  to  allow  her  own  principles  instead 
of  Mrs.  DeLaHay's  to  control  her. 


148  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Miss  Tomlin  exercised  the  utmost  forbearance  and  kind  en- 
durance of  the  patient's  weakness  and  frailties,  such  as  I  think 
was  never  surpassed  by  any  attendant.  She  may  justly  be 
called  a  model  attendant,  so  far  as  the  treatment  of  the  patients 
was  concerned".  Should  Asylums  secure  such,  and  only  such 
attendants,  they  might  justly  be  called  Asylums.  I  never 
feared  for  the  fate  of  a  patient  when  Miss  Tomlin  was  in  sight ; 
even . Miss  Bonner's  fierce  spirit  seemed  subdued  into  temper- 
ate rage  by  her  silent,  gentle,  but  unresistable  magnetism  of 
kindness  and  tenderness.  I  recollect  once  how  I  pitied  her 
when  she  called  me  to  see  the  condition  of  Miss  Sallie'Low,  a 
filthy  patient,  occupying  a  screen-room  at  the  time,  while  pass- 
ing through  one  of  her  "  spells"  of  excessive  fury,  where  she 
had  divested  herself  of  all  her  clothing,  and  was  standing 
naked  when  I  saw  her,  with  her  hands  both  raised,  with  all 
her  fingers  spread,  with  her  mouth  wide  open  in  laughter,  and 
her  large  black  eyes  showing  the  white  on  the  upper  side  in 
wildness,  her  short,  heavy,  curly  black  hair  standing  all  about 
her  head  in  bristles,  from  the  salve  with  which  she  had  an- 
ointed both  it  and  herself  completely  over,  so  that  her  flesh 
was  about  the  color  of  a  monkey.  Besides,  she  had  written, 
her  marks  upon  the  wall,  as  high  as  her  fingers  could  reach. 
My  kind  attendant  instead  of  being  angry  at  her  exulting  pa- 
tient, in  view  of  the  labor  she  had  caused  in  cleaning  her  and 
lier  room,  only  laughed  in  return,  as  she  exclaimed,  "  did  you 
ever  see  a  human  being  so  much  resemble  a  monkey  !"  With 
the  help  of  another  attendant  she  took  her  to  the  bath-room, 
and  after  patiently  soaking  her  for  a  while  in  the  bath-tub  of 
warm  water,  she  finally  cleaned  and  dressed  her,  and  intro- 
duced her  into  our  dormitory  as  a  woman  who  deserved  our 
pity,  instead  of  our  censure,  for  "  she  is  not  to  blame  for  caus- 
ing me  this  trouble,  and  this  is  what  I  came  here  to  do,  to  take 
care  of  those  who  cannot  take  care  of  themselves."  Even 
her  bath  was  administered  in  such  a  gentle  manner  that 
Miss  Low,  instead  of  offering  resistance,  enjoyed  the  fun  first- 
rate,  and  came  from  it  refreshed  and  invigorated,  instead  of 
being  exhausted  from  death  struggles  such  as  Miss  Bonner 
and  such  like  attendants  administered. 


MISS  MARY  TOMLIN.  149 

It  does  seem  as  if  the  State  ought  to  attach  a  penalty  to 
this  perversion  of  the  bath  tub  in  this  prison  house.  Only  let 
the  law-makers  take  but  one  bath  here,  under  the  hands  of 
these  furies,  and  I  think  they  would  vote  for  some  penalty  to 
their  tormentors. 

But  were  all  the  attendants  as  God-fearing  as  Miss  Tomlin 
and  Miss  Minerva  Tenny,  this  abuse  would  never  be  practiced. 
Such  attendants  would  not  misuse  a  patient  if  they  were  re- 
quired to  do  it,  for  they  fear  God  more  than  they  do  man. 
Miss  Tomlin  told  me  of  an  act  of  her's  this  morning,  which 
reflects  much  credit  upon  her  moral  courage  and  integrity. 
The  Doctor  ordered  Miss  Goodrich  from  off  her  bed,  Sunday 
morning,  as  he  passed  through,  and  Miss  Tomlin  ordered  her 
back  again,  when  he  had  passed  out  of  hearing;  for  she  felt 
that  she  knew  better  than  he  did  what  her  health  demanded. 
She  said  she  had  concluded  to  pursue  this  independent  course, 
without  talking  much  about  it,  hoping  thus  to  evade  the  rule 
without  opposition;  when  she  was  complained  of^she  said, 
she  would  then  give  her  reasons,  and  she  thought  any  intelli- 
gent person  would  be  satisfied  with  intelligent  reasons.  I 
assured  her  this  was  the  right  course  ;  still,  I  was  sure  it 
would  awaken  decided  opposition,  for  the  more  reasonable, 
the  more  virulent  the  opposition  it  would  arouse.  And  so  it 
proved.  Instead  of  promoting  her,  as  she  deserved  to  be, 
they  willingly  allowed  her  to  resign  her  trusts  to  others  far 
less  fitted  to  honor  them.  And  in  defence  of  this  course,  I 
heard  one  of  the  authorities  say.  "Miss  Tomlin  is  insane,  in 
some  respects,  like  Mrs.  Packard!"  Her  insanity,  like  my 
own-,  consisted  in  her  immovable  defence  of  the  principles  of 
uniform  kindness  to  the  unfortunate. 

Another  most  kind  and  faithful  employee,  Mrs.  Hosmer, 
was  accused  of  this  same  charge  of  insanity,  for  the  same 
reason.  Indeed,  one  of  these  authorities  remarked,  "If  we 
could  but  get  Mrs.  Hosmer  into  the  wards  as  a  patient,  we 
would  treat  her  as  we  do  the  maniacs!"  This  is  doubtless 
true,  for  her  persistent  regard  for  the  patients'  interests,  was 
a  constant  reproof  to  their  own  indifference,  and  aroused  the 


150  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

same  antagonistic  feelings  towards  her,  which  my  course  has 
elicited  towards  me;  and  the  position  of  a  patient  here  affords 
a  noble  opportunity  for  seeking  their  revenge  in  full  measure. 

I  will  close  this  chapter  by  inserting  here  a  beautiful  para- 
phrase on  a  passage  in  Psalms,  which  Miss  Tomlin  wrote 
herself,  and  handed  me  for  my  solace. 

"  I  shall  be  satisfied  when  I  awake  in  thy   likeness." 

In  this  dreary  vale  of  sorrow, 

Oft  my  heart  is  sick  and  sore, 
"Waiting  for  a  brighter  morrow, 

Waiting,  waiting  evermore. 

Hope  deferred  my  heart  is  breaking, 

And  I  long  to  be  at  rest — 
Aye  I  the  sleep  that  knows  no  waking, 

Would  be  welcome  to  this  breast. 

Did  I  say  "  that  knows  no  waking  ?" 

Nay,  I  would  not  have  it  so, 
Better  far  to  bear  this  aching, 

Than  to  sleep  forevermore. 

But  I  would  awake  like  Jesus — 

Like   unto  the  crucified — 
When  I'm  fashioned  in  His  image. 
Then  shall  I  be  satisfied. 
Affectionately  your  friend,          M.  TOMLIW. 


XXIX. 
Mrs.  McFarland— The  Matron. 

It  is  due  Mrs.  McFarland  that  I  say,  that  after  I  gave  my 
written  reproof  to  her  husband,  she  seemed  to  be  induced  by 
its  influence,  to  see  the  debased  condition  the  prisoners  were 
in,  and  expressed  this  feeling  in  these  words:  "Mrs.  Packard, 
I  never  realized,  until  I  read  your  Reproof,  what  a  condition 
we  were  in.  It  has  led  me  to  determine  to  do  what  I  can  to 
reform  some  of  the  many  evils  which  I  can  now  see  do  exist 
here.  We  had  so  insensibly  sunk  into  this  condition,  that  we 


MES.  MCFARLAND.  151 

did  not  realize  it  until  you  showed  it  to  us  in  jour  Reproof." 
To  Mrs.  McFarland's  credit  it  should  be  .stated,  that  she  did 
try  to  alleviate  the  dreadful  condition  of  the  patients  as  much 
as  it  was  possible  for  her  to  do. 

After  Mrs.  Waldo  left,  she  became  matron,  and  she  filled 
this  office  as  well  as  she  was  capacitated  to  do.  Her  kind 
and  generous  sympathies  rendered  her  a  general  favorite 
amongst  the  patients,  and  atoned  greatly  for  the  undeveloped 
woman  in  some  other  respects. 

She  sympathized  with  me  in  many  ways,  and  tried  to  favor 
me,  even  in  defiance  of  her  husband's  known  wishes  to  the 
contrary.  One  day  the  Doctor  found  a  carpet  upon  my  floor, 
and  as  he  stood  upon  the  threshold  of  my  room,  looking  at  it 
for  the  first  time,  he  exclaimed,  ""Who  has  been  putting  a 
carpet  on  Mrs.  Packard's  room?  "  My  attendant,  Miss  Tom- 
lin,  standing  by,  replied  in  her  very  mild  tone,  "I  believe  it 
is  your  wife's  work."  He  said  nothing  more,  but  the  carpet 
remained  on  the  floor  until  I  left.  And  it  was  her  influence 
among  others,  which  let  me  have  a  room  by  myself,  after  one 
year's  confinement  to  the  dormitory.  I  sent  a  written  request 
to  the  Doctor  to  let  me  have  a  wash  bowl  and  pitcher,  but  he 
did  not  notice  it  so  much  as  to  refuse  it.  But  Mrs.  McFar- 
land  contrived  to  get  me  one,  and  gave  me,  also,  a  nice 
curtain  to  my  window,  and  gave  me  a  chair,  too,  for  my 
room,  a  great,  but  rare  privilege  in  the  Eighth  ward. 

There  was  one  time  that  the  Doctor  tried  to  so  torment  my 
feelings,  that  I  felt  that  self-defence  required  me  to  withdraw 
all  communication  of  thought  with  him,  to  save  my  feelings. 
Therefore,  for  months,  I  would  not  speak  to  him,  not  even  so 
much  as  answer  the  most  common  question.  Mrs.  McFarland 
approved  of  this  course,  by  saying  to  me,  "  "Well,  Mrs.  Pack- 
ard, I  would  not  speak  to  him  if  I  were  in  your  place.  If  a 
man  treated  me  as  he  has  you,  I  would  let  him  "alone."  And 
she  told  my  attendants  not  to  treat  me  as  they  did  the  other 
patients. 

I  will  here  give  an  extract  from  a  letter  I  wrote  her  about 
April  30,  1862  ;  "  Mrs.  McFarland,  I  have  almost  unbounded 


152  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

confidence  in  your  womanly  nature  ;  I  believe  its  instincts 
are  a  safe  guide  in  dictating  your  duty  so  far  as  it  goes  ;  yet, 
I  do  not  regard  your  judgment  as  so  mature,  that  experience 
may  not  improve  it.  Will  you  therefore  allow  me  to  make  a 
suggestion,  when  I  assure  you  it  is  made  with  the  purest  mo- 
tives, and  the  kindest  feelings  of  my  nature.  I  am  prompted 
to  do  this,  from  the  assurance  I  feel  that  you  will  allow  the 
suggestion  all  the  influence  which  truth,  reason  and  common 
sense,  urge  in  support  of  it."  etc. 

With  regard  to  the  suggestion  I  then  made,  together  with 
many  others,  I  will  only  say  that,  Mrs.  McFarland  almost 
always  regarded  them,  and  did  often  consult  me,  as  her  coun- 
sellor, in  her  family  matters,  as  well  as  the  interest  of  the  in- 
stitution. 

The  reform  thus  inaugurated,  through  her  agency,  led  to 
the  expression  often  made  during  these  better  days  of  prison 
life,  "  this  house  is  a  paradise  compared  with  what  it  has 
been." 

Dr.  McFarland  seemed  to  be  the  last  and  the  hardest  one 
to  move  in  this  direction  ;  but  satisfied  he  could  not  stop  the 
wheel  of  revolution  by  opposing  it,  he  after  a  while,  allowed 
himself  to  simply  hang  as  a  dead  weight  upon  it,  until  the 
aristocratic  ladies  from  Jacksonville  insulted  and  ridiculed 
me  in  my  room,  when  all  at  once  a  new  spirit  seemed  to  hold 
him,  for  a  time,  to  be  our  co-worker,  instead  of  an  antagonist. 
This  incident  will  appear  in  its  proper  place.  There  seemed 
to  be  something  in  his  wife's  increasing  popularity  which  con- 
vinced him  that  it  would  not  be  policy  to  oppose  her  openly, 
for  if  he  did,  she  told  me  she  should  do  as  I  had  done,  "ap- 
peal to  the  Trustees"  to  sustain  her  !  Finally,  from  the  in- 
fluence of  the  outside  pressure  in  favor  of  reform,  the  Doctor 
himself  thanked  me  for  giving  him  the  reproof,  and  freely  ac- 
knowledged that  I  intended  it  for  his  good. 

Through  Mrs.  McFarland,  as  the  focalizing  agent  of  this  re- 
form, the  tide  of  popular  influence  seemed  to  undergo  an  en- 
tire change.  Instead  of  its  being  popular  to  abuse  the  pris- 
oners, it  became  more  popular  to  treat  thorn  with  respect  and 


MRS;  MCFARLAND.  153 

even  kindness.  And  finally,  by  a  change  of  some  bad  attend- 
ants for  good  ones,  I  began  to  feel  that  the  evils  were  becom- 
ing greatly  lessened.  And  so  it  did  appear  for  awhile.  But 
I  was  everywhere  told,  "  there  will  be  a  relapse  if  you  ever 
leave  this  house,  for  the  Doctor  is  afraid  of  you,  as  the  only 
reason  why  he  is  making  this  spasmodic  attempt  to  co-oper- 
ate with  his  wife."  From  the  Committee's  report,  and  that  of 
my  personal  friends  I  left  in  the  Asylum,  I  have  too  much  rea- 
son to  fear  that  so  it  proved.  My  friends  have  assured  me 
me  that  the  "  reign  of  terror"  commenced  anew  when  I  left, 
so  that  abuse  and  cruelty  again  became  the  rule  of  the  house, 
to  a  greater  degree  even  than  ever  before. 

Now  I  am  fully  convinced  that  this  temporary  reform,  so 
far  as  Dr.  McFarland  was  concerned,  was  merely  the  effect 
of  policy,  rather  than  principle — that  he  assumed  this  appear- 
ance merely  to  satisfy  me  he  had  repented,  so  that  I  might 
be  induced  to  represent  him  to  the  public  as  worthy  of  confi- 
dence, on  that  ground  ;  for  he  knew  full  well,  that  my  con- 
science would  not  allow  me  to  expose  a  penitent  man's  sins, 
however  great  the  magnitude  of  his  previous  guilt.  I  find 
therefore,  in  my  journal,  from  the  time  I  began  to  hope  he 
was  treating  the  patients  on  the  principles  of  justice,  I  have 
been  exceedingly  careful  not  to  "Break  the  bruised  reed,  or 
quench  the  smoking  flax ;"  that  is,  I  encouraged  every  hope- 
ful manifestation  to  the  highest,  and  fullest  extent  consistency 
and  truth  would  permit.  Many  blamed  me  on  this  ground, 
that  I  was  too  charitable  to  the  poor  sinner;  but  dictated  as 
I  was  by  the  promptings  of  my  own  forgiving  nature,  I  was 
thus  inclined  to  cover  more  sins  with  this  mantle  of  charity, 
than  some  would  have  thought  proper  or  allowable.  I  never 
can  find  it  in  my  heart  to  blame,  where  there  is  the  least 
possible  chance  for  encouragement.  I  aim  to  "Overcome 
evil  with  good,"  instead  of  attacking  evil  with  evil,  where 
there  is  any  possible  opportunity  of  doing  so. 

But  there  are    cases  where  it  is  a  mercy   to  be  just  to  the 
sinner.     Nothing  but  ruin  will  save  them  from  ruin:  that  is, 
they  never  will  repent  until  they  are  first  punished;  and  the 
G2 


154  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

just  punishment,  which  I  tried  so  long  and  effectually  to  have 
him  ward  off,  was  the  public  exposure  of  his  hidden  iniquities. 
But  persistency  in  his  sins,  has  forced  me  to  do,  what  for  a 
time,  I  hoped  I  could  be  excused  from  doing. 


XXX. 
Guilty  Husbands. 

It  was  sometime  in  March,  1862,  that  I  entered  a  kind  of 
protest,  against  this  house  being  used  to  shield  guilty  hus- 
bands, in  the  following  letter  to  Dr.  Tenny. 

DR.  TENNY — Sir:  Do  bear  with  me  while  I  give  you  my 
thoughts  upon  a  subject  you  may  prudishly  feel  I  have  no 
right  to  think,  much  less  to  speak  or  write  about  ;  but  where 
woman  is  suffering  injustice,  I  claim  a  right  to  speak  in  her 
defence. 

I  see  Mrs.  McKellum  is  returned.  I  can  assure  you,  Dr. 
Tenny,  that  as  true  as  Phrenology  and  Physiology  can  not 
lie,  here  is  another  case  of  abuse,  where  the  innocent  is  pun- 
ished, instead  of  the  guilty.  It  is  her  husband  who  ought  to 
be  imprisoned  instead  of  her,  in  a  penitentiary,  and  there 
kept  until  he  will  subject  his  passions  to  the  control  of  his 
reason.  He  never  ought  to  see  a  woman,  until  his  reason  is 
restored  to  him,  so  that  he  can  treat  her  as  a  woman,  not  as  a 
brute. 

Dr.  Tenny,  these  men,  calling  themselves  husbands,  de- 
grade the  very  name  itself.  Science  and  revelation,  both 
foretell  their  doom.  Judge  "Wood  has  caused  the  ruination 
of  his  lovely  wife.  Had  justice  been  done  him  as  it  should 
have  been,  he  would  have  been  consigned  to  a  penitentiary 
for  having  brought  her  here  the  first  time,  when  she  was  not 
in  the  least  insane.  Had  justice,  instead  of  wickedness  tri- 
umphed, Mrs.  Wood's  little  flock  would  not  now  have  been 
motherless.  Because  sentence  against  the  wrong  doer  was 
not  speedily  executed,  this  innocent,  defenceless  wife  and 


GUILTY  HUSBANDS.  155 

mother  was  returned  to  this  Asylum,  insane,  to  die  a  maniac, 
because  her  husband  would  not  protect  her,  but  tortured  her 
into  insanity,  and  that  too,  when  she  was  in  a  condition  to 
need  the  tendercst  indulgence  !  As  soon  as  the  husband  at- 
tempts to  subject  his  wife  as  he  would  a  child,  that  moment 
nature,  in  woman,  revolts,  and  feels  that  her  obligations  to 
that  man,  are  henceforth,  forever  sundered.  He  has  perjured 
his  vow  of  protection,  and  her  devotion  to  him  is  annihilated 
with  the  subjection. 

Dr.  Tenny,  the  day  is  not  far  distant  when  these  unnatural 
men  will  meet  their  recompense.  In  the  mean  time,  "  Offen- 
ces will  come,  but  woe  be  to  him  by  whom  they  come,"  and 
woe  too,  to  those  who  compromise  with  these  vile  deeds,  as 
this  Institution  is  doing  in  shielding  these  women  captors. 
That  I  may  wash  my  hands  in  innocency,  I  shall  lift  up  my 
voice,  and  protest  openly  against  these  guilty  husbands. 

Yours  as  ever,  E.  P.  W.  P. 

There  is  great  occasion  for  alluding  to  the  evil  designated 
in  the  above  letter  to  Dr.  Tenny.  For  the  public  should 
know  the  fact,  that  selfish  men  who  hold  money  and  position 
in  society,  do  use  this  house  for  a  protection  of  their  own 
guilt;  and  their  public  servant,  Dr.  McFarland,  knowingly 
allows  it  to  be  thus  perverted  from  the  charitable  design  of 
its  founders.  Even  the  law  of  1865,  which  was  humanely 
designed  to  hedge  up  the  door  against  this  unjust  incarcera- 
tion of  married  women,  has  been  most  arrogantly  and  wantonly 
disregarded  by  this  public  servant ;  and  his  acts  seem  to  say, 
"  This  house  shall  be  used  as  a  place  where  vile  men  can 
subject  their  wives  to  the  dictates  of  their  base  passions!" 
And  woman,  oppressed  and  degraded  as  she  was,  found  no 
refuge  even  under  this  law,  until  the  gallantry  of  the  Legis- 
lature of  1867  attached  a  penalty  to  it,  thus  demanding  its 
enforcement. 

This  statement  is  corroborated,  as  my  others  are,  by  the 
Investigating  Committee's  Report.  This  Committee  appointed 
by  the  Legislature,  were  instructed  to  see  that  this  law  was 
strictly  enforced,  hoping  in  this  way  to  liberate  these  unhappy 


156  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

victims  of  marital  cruelty,  and  to  effectually  guard,  henceforth, 
against  these  unjust,  false  and  cruel  imprisonments. 

This  Committee,  composed  of  Hon.  Allen  C.  Fuller,  Hon. 
E.  Baldwin,  Hon.  T.  B.  "Wakeman,  Hon.  A.  J.  Hunter,  Hon. 
John  B.  Ricks,  after  a  most  thorough  investigation  of  the 
records  of  the  Institution,  reported  that  they  found  one  hun- 
dred and  forty-eight  had  been  admitted  by  Dr.  McFarland, 
since  the  law  of  1865  was  passed,  including  a  period  of  about 
two  years,  "without  the  proper  legal  evidence  of  their  insanity, 
and  the  security  required  by  law."  Just  consider,  for  a  mo- 
ment, the  terrible  inferential  fact  herein  involved  !  If  one 
hundred  and  forty-eight  are  found"  entered  during  about  two 
years'  time, without  legal  evidence  of  insanity,  in  defiance  of  an 
existing  law  which  requires  such  evidence,  what  number  may 
we  conclude  were  admitted  during  the  fourteen  previous  years, 
withoid  any  evidence  of  insanity,  with  a  law  expressly  allowing 
this  to  be  done?  Has  not  Illinois  a  terrible  account  to  settle 
with  her  married  women,  who  have  sufferered  so  much  from 
her  unjust  law  for  the  sixteen  years  of  its  enforcement?  The 
honor  of  the  State  of  Illinois  demands  restitution  for  the  en- 
forcement of  this,  not  only  most  ungallant  and  unmanly,  but 
even  barbarous  law  against  the  married  women  of  her  State. 
Now  if  Illinois  should  dare  to  become  the  pioneer  State  in 
the  emancipation  of  her  married  women  from  their  slavish 
position  of  nonentity,  she  might,  by  so  doing,  not  only  erase 
this  dishonorable  stain  upon  her  history,  but  also  immortalize 
herself  in  thus  securing  her  right  to  then  be,  what  she  now 
professes  to  be,  a  freedom  loving  State. 

Again,  in  view  of  such  facts,  it  well  becomes  every  voter  of 
the  State  to  inquire,  whose  personal  liberty,  personal  rights  are 
safe  in  Illinois,  while  such  an  unmanly  and  unprincipled  man 
as  Dr.  McFarland  holds  the  key  of  this  great  prison  house  ? 
This  public  officer  has  so  long  been  in  the  habit  of  overriding 
and  disregarding  all  law,  both  human  and  divine,  in  the  treat- 
ment of  his  prisoners,  that  he  has  schooled  himself  to  feel 
that  he  is  the  Institution  over  which  "my  policy"  is  the  su- 
preme and  only  law  ;  in  the  same  sense  that  some  allege 


THE  SANE  KEPT.  157 

that  President  Johnson  seems  to  act  as  though  he  was  the 
United  States,  and  "my  policy"  is  the  Constitution! 

Thus  it  is  evident  that  false  imprisonment  in  Jacksonville 
Insane  Asylum,  was  the  dreadful  doom  which  overhung  every 
citizen  of  Illinois,  until  their  Legislature  of  1867  attached  a 
penalty  of  fine  or  imprisonment,  or  both,  to  the  Superinten- 
dent who  should  hereafter  receive  any  inmate  without  legal 
evidence  of  insanity.  Indeed,  confident  as  I  was,  that  this 
public  servant  was  constantly  admitting  inmates,  regardless 
of  even  the  "forms  of  law,"  I  could  not  find  it  in  my  heart 
to  suffer  this  awful  doom  thus  to  overhang  the  wives  and 
daughters  of  Illinois,  without  doing  what  I  could  to  avert  it. 
And  I  thank  God,  the  effort  has  proved  a  complete  success;  so 
that  now,  no  guilty  husband  of  Illinois  can  longer  hide  his 
sins  against  the  wife  of  his  bosom  behind  the  "dead  locks" 
of  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum. 


XXXI. 
The  Sane  kept  for  the  Doctor's  Benefit. 

The  remark  Miss  C.  L.  English,  a  good  attendant,  from 
Chandlerville,  Cass  Co.,  111.,  made,  conveys  an  important 
truth  which  the  taxpayers  ought  to  know — viz.  "  It  is  plain- 
ly to  be  seen,  the  Doctor  keeps  sane  people  here  from  choice, 
to  serve  his  private  interests,  knowing  that  the  unrequited 
labor  he  gets  out  of  them  he  can  turn  to  his  aggrandizement 
in  his  report  of  the  finances  of  the  institution."  Yes,  all  this 
slave  labor  turns  to  his  advantage  as  he  reports  it,  thus  buy- 
ing their  patronage,  as  it  were,  to  secure  his  salary.  This 
salary  is  thus  earned  for  him  by  his  slaves.  His  own  action, 
or  rather  his  inaction,  shows  that  he  is  almost  totally  indiffer- 
ent to  the  interests  of  his  prisoners,  only  so  far  as  his  inter- 
ests can  be  promoted  by  an  assumed  regard  for  their  interests. 
He  does  not  seem  to  care  how  many  hearts  he  breaks  with  an- 
guish, nor  how  many  choice  spirits  he  crushes  into  annihila- 
tion, if  so  be  he  can  rise  on  their  downfall. 


158  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

But,  0,  Dr.  McFarland,  you  can  not  kill  a  spirit  ;  it  lives 
after  all  you  have  done  to  destroy  its  existence,  and  in  a  body 
too,  which  God  gave  it  to  inhabit.  All  this  terrible  array  of 
broken,  crushed  hearts,  which  you  vainly  think  you  have  de- 
stroyed forever,  are  all  alive,  and  are  now  marshalling  in 
dread  array  to  work  out  your  long  merited  doom. 

The  faithful  hard  working  Kate  has  well  earned  her  $2.30 
a  week,  if  any  female  attendant  earns  that  amount  by  her 
work.  She  has  been  as  sane  a  worker  as  any  attendant  in 
the  house  ever  since  I  knew  her,  and  I  am  told  she  had  been 
just  as  competent  and  useful  for  many  months  before.  And 
Kate  is  only  one  of  scores  of  others  of  like  type.  And  if  they 
are  ever  discharged  after  these  years  of  unrequited  labor  either 
their  friends  or  the  county  will  be  required  to  pay  the  insti- 
tution, in  addition  to  all  this  unrequited  toil,  all  that  their 
clothing  has  cost  them,  besides  the  bill  charged  for  making  it, 
even  if  the  patient  has  cut  and  made  every  stitch  of  it  her- 
self! How  much  more  profitable  to  the  pecuniary  interests 
of  the  State  is  this  robbing  of  its  citizens,  than  it  would  be  to 
pay  their  just  debts !  If  it  were  not  for  this  slave  labor,  the 
State  would  be  compelled  to  have  double  the  number  of  at- 
tendants to  do  all  this  work,  which  it  now  gets  as  a  gratuity 
out  of  its  prisoners. 

Dr.  McFarland  is  a  good  financier  for  the  State  in  this  par- 
ticular, but  a  miserable  one  for  the  interests  of' the  state's- 
prisoners  under  his  care.  If  the  State  wish  the  interests  of 
its  unfortunates  cared  for,  they  must  get  some  other  person 
than  Dr.  McFarland  to  do  this  deed  for  them,  or  it  never  will 
be  done.  He  knows  that  the  pecuniary  interests  of  the  state 
demand  such  large  pecuniary  resources  also,  to  meet  the  im- 
mense destruction  of  state  property  which  is  constantly  going 
on,  through  his  stolid  indifference.  Could  the  state  but  be 
allowed  to  know  the  management  as  it  really  is,  not  as  the 
Doctor  reports  it  to  be,  thy  would  be  horror  struck  at  the  ex- 
travagant, unnecessary  and  unreasonable  amount  of  property 
destroyed  here,  merely  as  the  legitimate  result  of  this  insane 
management.  The  rules  as  they  are  practically  carried  out 


THE  SANE  KEPT.  159 

are  unreasonable  and  unjust  in  the  extreme.  The  property 
is  wantonly  destroyed  oftentime  as  the  legitimate  result  of 
of  this  cruel  injustice.  There  is  no  other  manner  in -which 
they  can  express  their  just  indignation  of  the  power  which 
is  thus  oppressing  them.  Therefore  the  amount  of  property 
unnecessarily  destroyed,  which  is  daily  going  on  here,  might 
relieve  the  wants  of  thousands  who  stand  in  perishing  need 
of  the  comforts  it  might  furnish  for  them. 

0,  Illinois  !  State  of  my  adoption,  when,  when  will  you 
look  intelligently,  with  your  own  eyes,  into  the  practical  op- 
eration of  your  Insane  Asylum  system,  as  it  is  now  being 
practiced  in  your  State  Institution  at  Jacksonville?  Never, 
never,  will  you  see  it  as  it  is,  until  you  can  look  at  it  through 
some  other  medium  than  Dr.  McFarland  or  his  Reports. 

Just  consider  how  unjustly  I  am  treated  here.  Here  my 
good,  firm  health  is  suffering  from  my  close  confinement;  and 
in  duty  to  myself  I  reported  my  state  to  Dr.  McFarland,  and 
asked  if  I  could  not  be  allowed  fifteen  minutes  exercise  in  the 
open  air  daily,  without  an  attendant,  and  he  denied  my  re- 
quest. I  then  concluded  I  would  avail  myself  of  the  laws 
of  the  house,  and  go  to  the  wash  house  or  ironing  rooms,  and 
there  work  for  the  State,  that  I  might  thus  secure  the  exer- 
cise and  fresh  air  my  health  demanded.  But  lo  !  here  I  am 
met  with  Dr.  McFarland's  strict  command  not  to  let  me  out 
for  this  purpose,  while  other  prisoners  can  go  at  their  option. 
I  have  not  done  any  thing  to  forfeit  my  right  to  this  privi- 
lege, guaranteed  by  law  to  the  prisoners,  to  my  knowledge, 
or  to  the  knowledge  of  any  other  one.  And  yet  Dr.  McFar- 
land has  just  as  good  a  reason  for  denying  me  this  right,  as 
he  had  for  removing  me  from  the  best  ward  to  the  worst. 
Neither  I  nor  any  other  one  in  the  house  have  ever  known 
his  reasons  for  thus  treating  me ;  but  on  the  contrary,  we 
know  that  he  had  no  right  or  excuse  for  doing  so.  Nothing 
but  sovereign,  arbitrary  rule  dictates  his  course  of  treatment 
towards  me.  Yes,  he  is  ruling  me  with  a  rod  of  iron,  and  I, 
in  my  deeply  sensitive  nature,  am  suffering  protracted  martyr- 
dom at  his  hands. 


160  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

0  1   this  lingering,  terrible  death  of  crucifixion  !      Could  not 
the  wrath  of  man  have  been  appeased  by  something  less  ex- 
cruciating?    O,   no.     Despotic  man  must  not  only  trample 
helpless  woman  under  foot,  but  he  must  heighten  her  anguish 
by  the  stings  of  injustice.      Oh,  how  many  of  these  torturing 
stings   my  bleeding   heart    has    felt,    within   the    last  seven 
months!     Were  it  not  for  the   "balm  of   Gilead,   and   the 
physician  there,"  these  stings  must  have  proved  fatal  to  my 
soul,  to  whose  death  alone  were  these  darts  directed.     0, 
Jesus,  if  these  fires  rage  so  furiously  in  the  green  tree,  what 
must  be  expected  from  the  dry?     "For  the  fire   shall   try 
every  man's  work,  of  what  sort  it  is." 

At  the  request  of  Mrs.  McFarland,  the  Doctor  finally  con- 
sented to  my  going  into  the  sewing  room  for  one-half  day 
each  day,  while  other  prisoners  can  go  all  day,  if  they  choose. 
Thus,  by  sewing  for  the  State,  as  its  imprisoned  slave,  I  can 
buy  the  privilege  of  exchanging  the  putrid,  loathsome  air  of  the 
ward,  for  the  more  wholesome,  purer  atmosphere  of  the  sewing 
room  for  half  a  day.  But  instead  of  this  being  a  relief,  it 
seems  to  be  only  an  aggravation  of  the  evil,  for  the  air  of  the 
hall  seems  doubly  grievous  and  unendurable  by  contrast,  and 
the  incessant  noise  and  uproar  of  the  maniacs,  seems  height- 
ened every  time  I  return  to  the  roar  of  the  tempest  after  a 
short  calm. 

1  think  I  can  well  pay  my  way,  by  making  a  vest  or  a  pair 
of  pants   daily,   to  swell  the  aggregate  of  Dr.   McFarland's 
report  of  the  pecuniary  profits  arising  solely  from  this  slave 
labor.      This  is  my  only  alternative  to  get  better  air  for  my 
health !     If   I  were    a   male    prisoner,    I  might  perhaps  be 
allowed,  under   a  watchful   keeper,  to  go  on   to  the  Doctor's 
great  farm,  and  hoe  his  corn  and  potatoes,  with  his  sixty  other 
day  laborers,  which  this  house  furnishes  for  his  exclusive  ben- 
efit.    And  thus,  by  Dr.  McFarland's  granting  me  the  right 
to  breathe  the  fresh  air  of  heaven,  I  might  help  fill  his  coffers, 
by  my  unpaid  labor.     I  might  thus  help  Dr.  McFarland  to 
publish  his  benevolent  deeds  to  the  world,  that  he  gives  to 
the  poor  around  him  yearly,  a  bushel  of  potatoes  from  his  own 


THE  SANE  KEPT.  161 

farm !  Or  it  might  help  to  buy  some  of  the  costly  wines,  and 
cigars,  and  confectioneries  with  which  the  Asylum  feast  ta- 
bles are  loaded,  at  the  State's  expense,  to  the  credit  of  Dr. 
McFarland's  great  hospitality !  Yes,  it  may  pa.y  for  the 
intoxicating  drinks  the  company  of  soldiers  to  which  his 
oldest  son  belonged,  used  on  that  memorable  occasion,  when 
they,  after  this  drunken  debauch,  stalked  through  our  halls, 
headed  by  their  drunken  leader,  to  see  us,  the  boarders  of  the 
house,  put  off  with  nothing  but  bread  and  molasses  to  eat, 
and  nothing  but  a  single  saucer  left  to  eat  it  from ;  for  we 
were  deprived  of  every  cup,  spoon,  knife  and  fork,  and  chair, 
to  supply  the  table  of  Dr.  McFarland's  guests.  If  we  could 
have  had  one  raisin,  or  cake,  or  candy,  or  apple,  or  any  thing, 
left  in  the  shape  of  fragments  from  that  groaning  table  of 
luxuries,  in  exchange  for  the  vegetables,  strawberries,  butter, 
sugar,  and  tea,  they  took  from  our  table,  we  should  have  felt 
better  satisfied. 

I  could  not  help  sympathizing  with  the  remark  made  by 
our  kind  attendant,  Miss  Tomlin,  on  the  well  remembered 
occasion — as  we  stood  around  our  table,  dipping  our  bread  into 
our  black  molasses,  the  Doctor  seemed  inclined  to  shut  this 
scene  from  the  soldiers'  view  who  followed  after ;  but  Miss 
Tomlin,  instead  of  granting  this  wish,  said,  as  she  opened  the 
door — "  No,  let  them  see  us  as  we  are;  let  them  see  how  our 
table  comforts  compare  with  their  own  I  "  It  may  help  too, 
to  pay  for  the  costly  wine  which  Mrs.  Coe  told  me  she  had 
seen  carried,  by  the  pail  full,  into  the  chamber  of  this  elder 
son,  to  treat  his  companions  with,  taken  from  the  Asylum 
storehouse  of  luxuries,  charged  for  the  "  good  of  the  patients." 
Seldom,  very  seldom,  did  a  drop  of  these  wines  ever  pass  the 
lips  of  a  patient,  for  his  "  good"  or  evil  either. 

Dr.  McFarland's  mode  of  "  impressing "  free  citizens  of 
these  United  States  into  his  service  is  truly  profitable,  if  not 
novel,  in  that  it  pays  him  well,  as  a  public  financier. 


162  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

XXXII. 
An  Unpleasant  Response. 

The  response  I  got  to  the  congratulation  I  gave  Dr.  Me- 
Farland  to-day,  on  his  return  from  his  Chicago  trip,  pains  me 
a  little.  His  wife  standing  by,  I  said  "  we  welcome  your  re- 
turn ;  still,  we  congratulate  you  on  being  able  to  leave  the 
superintendence  of  the  house  in  so  good  hands  as  your  wife's, 
in  your  absence.  We  feel  that  kindness  rules  her  actions  to- 
wards the  patients." 

"  Your  words  are  always  so  sweet  and  honied  !" 

"No  more  so  than  my  feelings.  They  are  correct  report- 
ers of  my  heart." 

"Would  that  some  of  these  sweet  and  honied  words  could 
be  bestowed  upon  the  husband  you  promised  to  love  and  hon- 
or !" 

"  He  has  had  them  in  more  abundance  than  any  other  man, 
but  he  shall  never  have  another,  until  he  repents." 

0,  how  determined  these  men"  are  to  break  down  the  con- 
science of  woman,  and  thus  annihilate  her  i^dentity.  Only 
let  her  be  their  echo  or  parasite  and  she  is  all  right  ? 

I  am  treating  the  Doctor  as  I  have  always  tried  to  my  hus- 
band, with  the  most  patient  forbearance,  hoping  thus  to  over- 
come the  evil  in  him  with  kindness.  Instead  therefore,  of 
reproaching  the  Doctor  for  turning  with  such  heartless  in- 
difference from  my  appeals  to  him  for  protection,  I  just  com- 
mit the  business  of  punishing  for  these  offences  to  an  aveng- 
ing God,  and  betake  myself  anew  to  the  exercise  of  kindness 
and  patient  forbearance,  still  hoping  that  it  may  in  this  case 
prove  a  success,  instead  of  a  failure,  as  it  did  in  Mr.  Packard's 
case. 

There  should  be  no  state  rights  in  opposition  to  the  cen- 
tral government.  So  there  should  be  no  individual  sovereign- 
ty in  opposition  to  God's  government.  Therefore  no  husband 
should  require  the  subjection  of  his  wife's  conscience  to  his 
will,  when  it  opposes  what  she  regards  as  God's  will.  God 


LOED  OF   CREATION.  163 

grant,  that  the  time  may  never  wear  away  in  me  this  spirit  of 
resistance  to  such  oppression. 


XXXIII. 
Is  Man  the  Lord  of  Creation  ? 

Dr.  McFarland  accused  me  yesterday  of  defending  a  princi- 
ple which  he  claims  would  be  subversive  of  all  family  govern- 
ment. He  maintains  that  the  government  of  the  family  is 
vested  entirely  in  the  husband,  that  the  wife  has  no  right  to 
her  identity  ;  she  must  live,  move  and  have  her  being  in  him 
alone.  I  admit  that  the  recognition  of  her  identity  will  en- 
danger the  overthrow  of  a  family  despotism,  because  the  mar- 
ital power  will  then  be  so  limited  as  to  compel  a  respectful  re- 
gard to  the  inalienable  rights  of  the  wife  ;  but  on  his  princi- 
ple, as  the  Doctor  wants  it,  the  husband  must  have  the  power 
to  ignore  all  her  rights,  or  he  can  not  be  "  lord  over  all"  in 
his  family  I 

I  claim  that  every  family  established  on  such  a  basis  ought 
.  to  be  overthrown,  as  well  as  all  other  despotisms  ;  and  it  is 
this  principle  which  is  at  the  present  day  sending  devastation 
throughout  the  whole  social  fabric  of  society.  Despotism  can 
not  live  on  freedom's  soil.  Divorce  and  disunion  are  dem- 
onstrating this  fact,  and  they  will  continue  to  demonstrate  and 
remonstrate  too,  against  family  despotisms,  until  this  govern- 
ment will  extend  the  right  of  "life,  liberty  and  the  pursuit 
of  happiness"  to  the  wives  of  her  government  as  well  as  the 
husbands.  Married  woman  has  as  good  a  right  to  her  moral 
accountability  as  a  married  man  ;  and  God  is  her  sovereign  as 
well  as  he  is  man's  sovereign.  Man  has  no  more  right  to  in- 
terfere with  her  allegiance  to  Christ's  government,  than  she 
has  to  interfere  with  his.  Both  must  be  judged  independently 
before  this  highest  tribunal,  therefore  each  should  be  morally 
free  to  live  up  to  their  highest  convictions  of  right. 


164  THE  PKISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

On  the  Doctor's  visit  to-day  he  asked,  "  Mrs.  Packard, 
what  is  meant  by  'Wives,  obey  your  husbands  ?'  " 

"It  means  to  obey  them  in  what  is  right,  and  not  in  what 
is  wrong." 

"  What  is  meant  by  the  husband  being  the  head  of  the 
wife?" 

"  It  means  that  he  is  the  head,  or  the  senior  partner  of  the 
firm,  and  the  wife  the  junior  partner,  or  companion.  He  has 
this  headship  assigned  to  him  instead  of  the  wife,  because  he 
is  the  best  fitted  in  nature  to  defend  and  protect  the  wife  and 
children.  He  is  the  head,  to  protect,  but  not  to  subject  the 
rights  of  the  other  members  of  the  household.  This  headship 
gives  him  no  more  right  to  become  the  despot,  than  the  junior 
position  of  the  wife  allows  her  to  become  his  slave.  Being 
associated  as  partners,  does  not  confer  on  either,  the  right  of 
usurpation." 

"But  what  shall  be  done,  when,  on  a  point  of  common  in- 
terest, they  can  not  agree?" 

"  The  junior  must  yield  her  views  to  the  senior's." 

"  But  supposing  the  wife  feels  that  the  husband's  plans 
will  bring  disaster  upon  the  family  interests?" 

"It  is  her  duty  to  yield  notwithstanding,  after  she  has 
urged  all  her  strong  reasons  against  it,  for  unless  she  does, 
she  trespasses  on  his  right  as  'head1  of  the  firm.  The  risk 
must  be  assumed  by  some  one,  and  as  the  head  is  compelled  to 
bear  this  responsibility,  he  ought  to  be  allowed  to  act  in  ac- 
cordance with  his  own  judgment,  after  the  opinions  of  his 
junior  partner  have  been  candidly  weighed.  Then,  if  disaster 
follows,  she  has  no  right  to  complain,  for  this  is  one  of  the 
indispensable  and  inseparable  liabilities  of  a  co-partnership 
relation.  Understanding  this  principle  when  she  entered  the 
firm,  she  would  be  domineering  over  an  inalienable  right  of 
her  partner  to  do  otherwise.  Unless  this  principle  of  justice 
can  be  peaceably  conceded,  there  is  no  alternative  except  a 
peaceable  dissolution,  or  a  civil  war." 


PETITION  PRESENTED.  165 

XXXIV. 
Petition  to  the  Trustees,  Presented  September,  1861. 

To  THE  TRUSTEES  OF  ILLINOIS  INSANE  ASYLUM. 

Messrs:  I,  Mrs.  E.  P.  ~W.  Packard,  wife  of  Rev.  Theoph- 
ilus  Packard  of  Manteno,  Kankakee  County,  Illinois,  do  most 
respectfully  pray  your  honorable  body  to  discharge  me  from 
this  Asylum,  and  place  me  on  a  self-reliant  position  forthwith, 
for  the  following  reasons.  * 

1st.  Because  I  am  illegally  imprisoned  on  a  false  charge. 
This  I  assume,  on  the  ground  that  a  person  is  supposed  to  be 
innocent,  until  he  has  been  proved  to  be  guilty.  The  charge 
of  insanity  has  never  been  established,  or  proved  against  me, 
and  I  claim,  that  a  charge  which  exposes  an  individual  to  a 
life  long  imprisonment,  ought  to  be  proved,  before  it  is  assumed 
that  they  are  guilty  and  treated  accordingly. 

2nd.  This,  my  imprisonment  being  a  false  one,  eminently 
imperils  the  vital  interests  of  this  Institution,  whose  interests 
you  are  sacredly  bound  to  protect.  The  mere  "forms  of  law," 
regardless  of  the  spirit,  or  intent  of  the  law,  will  be  found  to 
be  a  bogus  protection  to  the  Institution. 

3rd.  I  am  entirely  capable  of  assuming  a  self-reliant  posi- 
tion, being  in  the  full  possession  of  all  my  mental  and  physical 
faculties,  and  having  ever  been  an  eminently  practical  woman, 
I  already  know  how  to  use  these  faculties  for  my  own  pecu- 
niary support,  without  aid  from  others. 

4th.  My  long  and  dreary  imprisonment  among  maniacs,  is 
peculiarly  trying  to  my  sensibilities  and  my  intelligence,  and 
for  you,  Gentlemen,  to  protract  it  without  investigation,  seems 
unmanly,  and  unjust. 

5th.  It  was  only  for  the  lawful  exercise  of  my  rights  of 
opinion  and  conscience,  that  the  charge  of  insanity  was 
alleged  against  me  by  my  husband,  and  I,  therefore,  am  not 
willing  to  be  returned  to  him  until  the  question  is  settled  at 
the  bar  of  my  countrv,  whether  a  wife  and  mother  in  America 
can  be  protected  under  our  Constitution,  in  the  independent 
exercise  of  her  rights  of  religious  opinion. 


166  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

6th.  I  think  it  would  hasten  this  crisis,  by  allowing  me  my 
personal  liberty,  and  thereby,  a  mother's  guardianship  over 
her  infant  children  be  sooner  restored  to  them.  It  is  a  great 

D 

wrong,  thus  to  deprive  six  children,  and  one  an  infant,  of  a 
mother's  tender  care. 

Gentlemen,  as  guardians  of  this  Institution,  allow  me  to 
inform  you  that  this  house  has  in  some  instances,  been  per- 
verted from  its  original  object,  and  is  now  being  used  as  a 
penitentiary — a  house  of  correction — a  poor-house  for  the 
indigent  and  idle — a  hospital  for  the  sick — and  for  an  inqui- 
sition. For  my  persecutors,  it  is  being  employed  as  an 
inquisition,  where  they  hope  to  torture  me  into  an  acknowl- 
edgement of  the  Presbyterian  church  creed,  and  it  is  indeed 
true  that  all  that  human  ingenuity  can  devise,  has  been  most 
skillfully  employed  to  make  a  maniac  of  me,  since  they  find 
I  will  not  recant.  But,  by  God's  help,  I  have  hitherto  sus- 
tained unharmed,  these  horrors  and  tortures,  and  reason  still 
maintains  its  throne,  and  demands  justice  at  your  hands,  or 
at  the  bar  of  my  country. 

Trustees  of  this  Institution,  on  you  now  rests  the  responsi- 
bility of  purging  this  house  of  these  evils,  and  thus  ward  off 
the  just  indignation  of  an  enlightened  people,  and  the  curse 
of  an  insulted  God,  which  now  overhangs  it,  threatening  its 
destruction. 

May  divine  wisdom  guide  you  in  the  disposal  of  this  peti- 
tion of  a  persecuted  woman.  E.  P.  ~W.  PACKARD. 

P.  S.  A  PROTEST.  Dr.  McFarland  informs  me  that  I  am 
soon  to  be  liberated  and  returned  to  my  husband  !  Christian 
Gentlemen,  I  do  hereby  enter  my  most  solemn  protest  against 
being  returned  to  my  husband.  This  shall  never  be  done  with 
my  consent,  and  if  done  at  all,  it  must  be  done  as  a  mere  act 
of  brute  force  on  your  part.  I  shall  never  surrender  my  con- 
science to  this  traitor  of  Christ's  government.  His  law  says, 
"Judge  ye  not  of  your  own  selves  what  is  right?"  I  shall 
obey  this  law  of  my  Sovereign,  and  shall  judge  for  myself 
what  is  right  for  me  to  do.  I  shall  always  yield  to  intelli- 
gence, and  to  argument  based  on  truth,  but  to  despotism 


PETITION  PRESENTED.  167 

never.  I  shall  hold  no  fellowship  with  my  husband,  so  long  as 
he  regards  me  as  an  unaccountable  moral  agent,  "  so  help  me 
God!"  A  follower  of  Jesus.  E.  P.  W.  P. 

The  above  protest  was  added  to  my  petition,  and  presented 
in  person,  to  the  Trustees,  as  they  passed  through  my  hall. 
As  I  handed  it  to  Mr.  Brown,  the  chairman,  I  said  in  presence 
of  Dr.  McFarland,  "Will  you  gentlemen  please  have  the 
kindness  to  consider  this  petition  before  deciding  upon  my 
case?"  Mr.  Brown  took  the  document  and  gave  it  into  the 
hands  of  the  Secretary,  saying  "you  take  charge  of  it." 

But,  for  the  Trustees'  sake,  I  am  sorry  to  add  that  they 
took  no  notice  of  it,  and  so  far  as  their  action  was  concerned, 
my  case  was  indefinitely  postponed  !  I  was  left  to  continue 
on  unnoticed,  and  uncared  for  just  the  same  as  before.  They 
seemed  to  be  just  as  indifferent  to  my  interests  as  Dr.  McFar- 
land had  been,  and  took  no  more  notice  of  my  petition  to 
them,  than  the  Doctor  had  of  a  similar  one  I  had  before  sent 
him.  What  more  could  I  do?  If  men  to  whom  the  public 
commit  such  important  trusts  will  not  discharge  their  duty, 
ought  they  not  to  be  discharged  themselves?  Certainly.  If 
the  Superintendent  is  remiss  in  his  duties,  the  Trustees  ought 
to  discharge  him,  and  if  the  Trustees  uphold  an  unworthy 
man,  when  they  know  he  ought  to  be  discharged,  then  they 
themselves,  ought  to  be  discharged,  and  so  far  as  my  case  is 
concerned,  I  say,  that  from  this  time,  if  Dr.  McFarland  was 
guilty  for  keeping  me  there,  then  the  Trustees  are  alike 
guilty. 

The  experience  of  my  inner  life,  during  this  trial  I  find  de- 
lineated in  my  journal  of  September  6th.  If  I  am  forced  back 
to  my  husband,  the  act  will  be  no  more  my  act,  than  the  fugi- 
tive's return  is  his  own  act.  If  God  so  permits,  I  know  I  shall 
be  sustained  in  doing  the  best  I  can  under  the  circumstances. 
I  see  not  the  way  nor  the  plan  of  God  in  thus  leading  me  in 
this  self-denying  course  of  obedience  conflicting  so  much  with 
my  natural  inclinations.  But  still  lam  satisfied.  Let  me  but 
know  my  duty  ;  'tis  all  I  ask.  It  is  only  thine  own  work  and 
plan  I  am  so  blindly  executing.  Thine  shall  be  the  triumph 


168  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

or  the  defeat,  not  mine.  Shall  the  instrument  insist  upon 
knowing  the  designer's  plan,  before  consenting  to  be  employed 
in  executing  the  work  ?  No,  it  is  enough  for  me  to  know  and 
keep  my  proper  place,  as  an  employee  under  the  Master  work- 
man's control. 

I  believe  I  have  a  body-guard  of  invincible  power  to  defend 
me  in  the  discharge  of  every  duty,  and  until  my  work  is  en- 
tirely done  I  am  immortal.  Although  I  am  called  to  pursue 
a  comet-like  orbit,  yet  I  have  my  path  to  revolve  in,  and  no 
other  planet  can  affect  it,  beyond  its  appointed  limits.  Velo- 
city, momentum,  onward  force,  is  sometimes  my  only  safety 
I  seem  now  to  have  reached  that  part  of  my  orbit  where  ac- 
celerated motion  is  required  to  preserve  its  equilibrium.  Great 
Sun  of  the  Universe  !  keep  me  within  thy  influence  and  con- 
trol, and  never  let  me  get  beyond  thy  centripetal  influence. 

If  I  am  sent  back  to  Manteno  as  a  fugitive,  I  intend  to  live 
entirely  independent  of  human  dictation,  that  does  not  coin- 
cide with  my  views  of  right  and  duty,  lean  not  fellowship 
any  church  who  regard  me  as  an  insane  person,  for  such  an 
influence  will  claim  a  right  to  control  my  conscience.  If  no 
church  can  allow  me  to  be  an  independent,  moral  agent,  I 
will  belong  to  no  church.  Neither  will  I  associate  with  the 
insane  party.  My  associates  shall  be  only  those  who  respect 
my  sanity. 

If  I  am  forced  into  the  home  of  my  husband,  it  will  be  no  sin 
for  me  to  be  there,  for  the  act  will  not  be  mine,  therefore,  I 
shall  have  grace  to  live  a  Christian  life  with  my  children,  since 
God's  providence  so  appoints  my  destiny,  for  God  requires  no 
impossibilities.  . 

The  reason  I  can  not  voluntarily  put  myself  unprotected 
again  into  the  power  of  my  husband,  is  because  I  see  him 
without  his  mask.  The  people  do  not.  I  will  not  stain  my 
soul  with  a  falsehood  to  curry  the  favor  of  all  the  people. 
Wherever  I  am  I  will  dare  to  do  right,  and  then  I  know 
God  will  take  care  of  me. 

In  a  letter  to  my  son  Theophilus,  I  say,  "  The  Trustees 
met  yesterday,  and  have  indefinitely  postponed  my  liberation. 


TAX  PAYERS.  169 

Ye-',  you  my  first  born,  and  my  other  children,  must  still 
continue  to  suffer  the  cruel  wrong  of  being  deprived  of  a 
mother's  gentle  care.  I  did  hope,  that  if  the  Trustees 
•would  not  grant  my  petition,  they  would  send  me  home  forci- 
bly, for  then  I  should  not  do  wrong  by  going.  And  then  their 
responsibility  of  my  imprisonment  would  have  ceased.  But 
no ;  they  did  nothing,  and  we  must  linger  on,  enduring  this 
unnatural  separation  still  longer.  I  am  cast  down,  but  not 
in  despair. 

u  G-od  will  make  the  riddle  plain, 
So  all  our  murmuring  thoughts  restrain." 


XXXT. 
The  Eights  of  the  Tax  Payers. 

LETTER  TO  THE    TRUSTEES. 

INSANE  ASYLUM,  May  10,  1862. 

To  THE  TRUSTEES. —  Gentlemen:  Dr.  McFarland  has  in- 
formed me  that  the  State,  not  my  husband,  supports  me  here. 
I  deem  it  my  duty  to  protest  against  this  act  of  injustice. 
Although  I  fully  appreciate  your  intended  kindness  to  me 
and  mine,  by  placing  me  on  the  charity  list;  yet  it  is  the 
injustice  of  the  act  that  my  nature  instinctively  revolts  at. 
My  children  have  no  claim  upon  the  charities  of  this  State 
for  their  education.  God  has  provided  them  with  ways  and 
means  of  being  educated  far  superior  to  many  children  of  the 
poor  tax  payers.  If  these  indigent  tax  payers  choose,  vol- 
untarily to  deprive  their  own  children  of  the  means  of 
education,  for  the  benefit  of  my  more  favored  ones,  there 
would  be  no  injustice  in  my  receiving  their  gifts  in  this  way. 
But  to  claim  it  of  them,  without  their  consent  or  knowledge, 
simply  as  a  legal  right,  is  unjust :  for  it  plainly  conflicts  with 
the  dictates  of  the  moral  law,  which  is,  doing  to  others  as  I 
should  wish  them  to  do  to  me.  I  am  not  required  to  love  my 
neighbor's  interests  better  than  my  own.  My  own  children 
H 


170  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

have  a  prior  claim  to  my  regard  than  my  neighbor's  Still,  I 
have  no  right  to  seek  their  interests  at  my  neighbor's  ex- 
pense, without  his  knowledge  or  consent. 

Since  my  husband  has  broken  his  marriage  covenant,  and 
failed  to  protect  me  in  my  duties  as  a  wife  and  mother,  de- 
priving me  not  only  of  my  marriage  rights,  but  also  of  all  my 
rights  as  an  American  citizen,  thereby  depriving  his  children 
of  their  natural  guardian  and  instructor,  I  feel  that  he  has  no 
right  to  seek  to  make  pecuniary  profits  from  the  specious  plea 
thus  formed  of  educating  his  children. 

You  know  not  what  you  are  doing,  in  supporting  this  man 
in  his  wicked  plan  of  wronging  the  innocent  without  cause. 
God  grant  that  your  eyes  may  be  opened  to  see  your  guilt  in 
thus  doing,  so  that  you  may  repent  in  this  life,  where  you 
can  be  forgiven,  on  the  ground  of  making  due  restitution  to 
me,  for  the  multiplied  wrongs  you  have  inflicted  upon  me 
and  mine.  Respectfully  yours, 

MKS.  E.  P.  W.  PACKAKD. 


XXXVI. 

The  Imputation  of  Insanity  a  Barrier  to  Human  Pro- 
gress. 

At.  one  time  I  was  made  to  feel  exceedingly  sad  and  sor- 
rowful by  a  conversation  I  had  with  a  lady  who  called  upon 
me.  I  conversed  freely  and  frankly  with  her,  as  usual,  avow- 
ing my  views  and  sentiments,  and  giving  my  reasons  for  the 
course  1  was  pursuing.  In  her  undeveloped  condition  she 
failed  to  comprehend  them  fully,  and  therefore,  since  the 
brand  of  insanity  was  upon  me,  she  concluded  these  points 
which  she  could  not  readily  comprehend,  were  products  of  my 
insanity  !  This,  from  her  standpoint,  being  an  inevitable  con- 
clusion, her  mind  would  necessarily  be  barred  against  any 
convictions  of  truth  which  I  might  present  to  her  reason  or 
intelligence.  These  goggles  of  insanity  through  which  she 


IMPUTATION   OF  INSANITY.  171 

now  looks,  disturbs  all  her  mental  vision,  so  that  she  can  no 
more  apprehend  a  new  truth  through  me,  as  its  medium,  than 
the  scales  of  bigotry  will  admit  any  light  through  those  who 
war  with  its  dogmas. 

Now  supposing  this  position  should  be  generally  adopted, 
viz  :  that  what  we  can  not  readily  apprehend,  is  insanity  ;  what 
encouragement  hare  we  to  make  progress,  or  become  the  bene- 
factors of  our  age,  knowing  that  just  as  soon  as  we  advance 
to  any  point  of  intelligence  beyond  another,  we  must  be  re- 
garded and  treated  as  insane,  and  thus  expose  ourselves  to  a 
life-long  imprisonment  unless  we  recant  ?  Is  not  the  impu- 
tation of  insanity  the  devil's  barrier  to  human  progress  ? 
I  feel  that  we  ought  to  be  very  careful  not  to  condemn  what 
we  do  not  understand,  for  in  Christ's  case,  his  persecutors 
were  condemned  as  guilt  of  "  blasphemy,"  for  doing  this 
very  thing.  The  blinded  Jews,  who  were  wedded  to  their 
creed  with  as  firm  a  tenacity  as  the  Orthodox  church  of  the 
present  day  is  to  their  own,  could  not  therefore  apprehend  the 
principles  of  the  new  dispensation,  which  Christ  came  to  in- 
troduce, because  it  conflicted  with  their  church  creed;  there- 
fore they  accused  this  innovator  with  madness  or  insanity  for 
promulgating  such  new,  and  strange  doctrines.  Like  the  same 
class  at  the  present  age,  they  did  not  wait  to  see  evidence  of 
his  insanity  in  his  evil  actions,  before  they  condemned  him  ; 
but  merely  for  his  expressions  or  utterances  of  opinions,  he 
was  condemned  as  a  mad  man.  Now  I  think  his  accusers 
acted  more  like  mad  men  than  he  did,  when  we  come  to  take 
actions  as  evidence  of  insanity,  instead  of  the  expression  of 
opinions.  And  even  if  we  take  their  own  basis  of  evidence, 
I  think  the  Jewish  dogmas  which  their  church  defended  were 
as  great  an  evidence  of  insanity  in  them,  as  the  opinions  which 
Christ  taught  in  opposition  to  their  standard  of  morals,  were 
evidence  of  insanity  in  him.  But  I  do  not  think  that  the  ut- 
terance of  opinions  in  either  case,  is  any  evidence  of  in- 
sanity. The  Jews  believed  they  had  received  their  dispensa- 
tion from  God,  and  of  course,  they  were  tenacious  in  its  de- 
fence, and  could  not  readily  see  that  the  time  had  come  for 


172  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  old  to  give  place  to  the  new.  So  it  is  in  all  ages,  some 
are  slower  than  others  to  see  that  the  time  for  the  inaugura- 
tion of  any  new  truth  has  fully  come,  and  therefore  they  op- 
pose it  with  the  same  intolerant  spirit  which  the  Jewish  min- 
'sters  did. 

But  so  far  as  the  question  of  insanity  goes,  those  show  the 
greatest  proof  of  being  insane,  who  oppose  this  inauguration 
with  vile  slander,  and  ruinous  scandal,  and  false  imprisonment, 
and  death,  rather  than  those  who  calmly  stand  by  the  truth, 
and  defend  it  with  sound  and  invincible  logic.  It  was  this 
very  inoffensiveness  in  Christ  which  so  exasperated  them 
against  him,  plainly  showing  that  it  was  they  who  had  the 
devil  of  bigotry  in  them,  not  him.  It  was  they,  the  Jewish 
ministers,  who  were  the  blasphemers,  instead  of  him  whom 
they  accused  of  blasphemy.  The  views  and  theories  taught 
by  Christ,  were  all  humanitarian  in  their  character  ;  yet  this 
did  not  shield  him  from  the  assaults  of  slander  and  the  charge 
of  insanity ;  neither  will  this  armor  prove  a  defence  at  the 
present  age,  even  under  the  American  flag  of  free  religious 
toleration,  so  long  as  reformers  are  allowed  to  be  publicly 
branded  by  these  Insane  Asylums.  Whoever  has  the  diploma 
of  this  institution  forced  upon  him,  must  submit  henceforth 
to  fight  his  way  through  fire  and  blood  to  carry  out  his  benev- 
olent purposes  to  humanity ;  for  at  every  inch  of  progress, 
he  is  compelled  to  face  the  barbed  arrow  of  insanity,  hurled 
at  him  by  the  intolerant  and  bigoted  of  his  age.  If  by  any 
possible  means,  the  imputation  of  insanity  can  be  removed 
from  the  track  of  the  reformer,  the  wheel  of  human  progress 
will  be  greatly  accelerated. 

Again  my  persecutors  are  guilty  of  the  same  act  of  un- 
charitableness  in  calling  the  natural  developments  of  woman- 
hood evil,  or  insanity,  in  me.  This  undeveloped  sister  insists 
that  it  is  impossible  for  me  to  be  what  I  profess  to  be,  a  true 
woman,  and  not  have  overcome  the  evil  in  my  husband;  since 
goodness  is  omnipotent.  I  acknowledge  the  potency  of 
goodness,  while  I,  at  the  same  time  add,  that  I  do  not  believe 
that  she  or  any  other  woman  could  have  borne  more  patiently 


IMPUTATION  OF  INSANITY.  173 

with  a  husband's  faults,  or  have  labored  more  kindly  and  hide- 
fatigably  to  overcome  them  than  I  have  done.  I  regard  such 
a  man  as  a  most  subtle  foe  to  conquer,  and  I  do  fully  believe, 
that  ultimately,  through  my  instrumentality,  if  any,  Christ 
will  conquer  him  ;  but  the  time  has  not  yet  come.  It  is  said 
of  Christ,  "Thou  hast  put  all  things  in  subjection  under  his 
feet,"  as  I  believe,  for  the  purpose  of  raising  them  to  a  state 
of  happiness  and  purity.  Christ  conquers,  not  to  punish,  but 
to  bless  his  foes.  I  believe  my  twenty-one  years  of  subjec 
tion  to  my  husband's  will,  is  not  designed  as  a  punishment 
to  me,  but  as  a  blessed  means  of  bringing  me  to  lose  all  my 
natural  loves  in  the  love  of  God's  will.  Thus  am  I  called  to 
die  to  live  again — to  die  naturally,  to  live  spiritually.  I  hope 
this  new  life  has  begun  in  me.  May  it  be  developed  into 
maturity ! 

Another  point  she  could  not  understand  in  me  is,  that  I  call 
it  a  reproach  to  be  called  insane,  when  she  says  it  is  not  a 
reproach  to  be  insane.  I  do  not  regard  an  insane  person  as 
an  object  of  reproach  or  contempt,  by  any  means.  They  are 
objects  of  pity  and  compassion;  for  I  regard  insanity  as  the 
greatest  misfortune  which  can  befall  a  human  being  in  this 
life.  But  to  be  regarded  as  an  insane  person,  when  I  am  not, 
is  to  me  a  reproach,  which  I  find  is  a  severe  cross  for  me  to 
bear;  such  as  for  example,  to  be  reported  to  be  a  bankrupt, 
when  I  am  not,  is  a  reproach,  because  it  is  a  cruel  slander. 
But  how  much  more  malevolent  and  cruel  is  the  slander,  to 
be  reported  as  lost  to  reason  when  we  are  not.  I  think  the 
sensitive  feelings  of  Christ  led  him  to  feel  it  to  be  a  reproach 
to  have  his  age  say  of  him,  "  He  hath  a  devil  and  is  mad, 
why  hear  ye  him?  "  As  much  as  to  say,  "  Why  will  you 
listen  to  what  this  '  babbler '  says  ?  he  is  not  worth  noticing, 
for  he  is  merely  an  insane  person,  who  don't  know  what  he  is 
about."  Now,  since  he  expressly  says  it  is  "blasphemy,  in 
that  they  said  he  hath  a  devil ;"  and  since  blasphemy  is  tho 
blackest  sin  which  can  be  committed  against  Christ,  have  we 
not  reason  to  fear  it  is  of  the  same  type  of  magnitude  when 
committed  against  his  followers? 


174  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

But  so  far  as  I  am  concerned,  I  can  forgive  this  injury 
which  this  sister  has  thus  inflicted  upon  my  sensitive  feelings, 
although  Christ  says,  blasphemy  is  a  sin  which  can  not  be  for- 
given, "either  in  this  life,  or  the  life  to  come."  I  do  pray  that 
she  may  never  know  from  her  own  sad  experience,  how  deeply 
she  has  wounded  my  feelings  ;  and  never,  until  she  is  called 
to  bear  this  same  reproach,  can  she  know  how  ponderous  is 
the  burden. 

But  while  I  am  in  this  Institution,  this  thought  does  buoy 
up  my  burdened  soul,  viz  ;  that  all  who  know  me  personally, 
here,  have  entire  confidence  in  my  sanity,  not  even  excepting 

Dr.  McFarland  !  and  I  do  believe  that  Miss  M *  the  Su- 

pervisoress  expressed  this  heart  feeling  of  them  all,  when  she 
said  to  me,  "Mrs.  Packard,  I  believe  you  to  be  in  the  full 
exercise  of  all  your  mental  faculties,  with  a  sound  mind,  and 
no  single  act  of  yours  have  I  ever  known  to  contradict  or  in- 
validate this  testimony?"  Dear;  kind  Sister!  how  my  heart 
thanks  you  for  this  defence  of  my  spirit  nature  ;  your  sympa- 
thy in  this  expression,  is  like  balm  to  my  wounded  spirit. 

Mrs.  Hosmer,  the  sewing  room  directress,  also  has  my 
sincere  thanks  for  her  testimony,  given  to  Rev.  A.  D. 
Eddy,  D.  D.,  in  reply  to  his  question,  "  How  is  Mrs.  Packard 
at  times?" 

"You  have  seen  Mrs.  Packard  once:  you  have  seen  her 
always." 

X 

XXXVII. 
Mr.  James  Lyon's  Advice. 

Mr.  James  Lyon,  and  his  sister,  Miss  Jane  Lyon,  of  George- 
town, Illinois,  brought  their  sister  here,  and  were  allowed  to 
remain  in  our  ward  for  some  time  without  the  watch  of  an 
employee  upon  their  lips.  This  was  rarely  allowed,  especially 
where  I  was,  lest  some  means  of  appeal  be  afforded  me.  I, 
of  course,  made  the  most  of  my  opportunities,  and  conversed 
freely  with  them.  They  manifested  sympathy  for  me,  and  a 

*At  her  own  special  request,  her  name  is  omitted. 


RECORD  OF  A  DAT.  175 

confidence  in  my  word  and  statements,  which  was  to  me,  at 
that  time,  a  source  of  so  much  pleasure,  that  I  feel  impelled 
to  record  it  as  a  kind  of  "oasis"  in  my  prison  life.  Sad  as 
they  saw  my  surroundings  to  be,  they  advised  me  never  to  ask 
to  return  to  my  husband,  but  to  wait ;  to  stand  firm  and  un- 
movable  on  this  point.  Mr.  Lyon  said  he  thought  great  good 
might  result  from  my  being  sent  here.  He  also  said  he  should 
lay  my  case  before  the  Judge  of  his  county,  and  see  if  any- 
thing could  be  done  for  me. 

Here  I  will  state,  that  Mr.  Lyon  was  then  the  first  man 
who  ever  agreed  with  me,  in  my  determination  never  to  return 
to  my  husband.  On  this  point  1  had  stood  alone  except  that 
Mary  McFarland  had  one  day  uttered  her  assent  in  'these  em- 
phatic words  ;  "I  would  not  go  to  him  if  I  were  in  your  place, 
for  if  I  had  a  husband  who  put  me  into  an  Insane  Asylum 
when  I  was  not  insane,  I  never  would  speak  to  him  after- 
wards!" With  these  two  exceptions,  I  stood  alone,  and 
battled  friends  and  foes  alike,  in  defence  of  the  honor  my 
nature  demanded,  to  have  no  sort  of  fellowship  with  these 
deeds  of  darkness.  And  to  this  day  I  am  satisfied  with  the 
stand  I  then  took.  It  would  seem  to  be  as  insane  an  act  for 
me  to  consent  to  our  reunion  on  his  basis,  as  it  would  be  for 
the  North  t(U  onsent  to  a  union  with  the  South  on  the  basis 
of  slavery. 


XXXVIII. 
Record  of  a  Day. 

The  record  of  one  day  is  a  record  of  all,  since  I  came  to  this 
ward.  I  rise  with  the  breakfast  bell,  which  rings  about  fifteen 
minutes  before  we  are  called  to  the  table.  I  first  drop  upon 
my  knees  and  offer  a  short  prayer  for  protection  and  guidance, 
and  then  drink  a  tumbler  of  rain  water,  to  keep  my  bowels  free, 
which,  in  connection  with  my  other  health  regimen,  does 
prove  effectual  in  producing  this  effect,  which  habit  is  so  in- 


176  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

dispeusably  necessary  to  perfect  health  and  mental  vigor.  I 
wet  my  head  in  soft  water,  and  wash  my  hands  and  face  and 
dress  myself  as  quickly  as  possible. 

I  then  throw  off  my  bed  clothes,  article  by  article,  giving 
each  a  shaking  to  air  it,  and  stir  up  the  husk  of  my  mattress, 
and  then  leave  them  all  airing  while  I  eat  my  breakfast.  I 
sleep  with  my  window  wide  open,  both  summer  and  winter. 
After  breakfast  I  finish  making  my  bed,  sweep  and  dust  my 
room,  and  then  invite  the  ladies  of  our  hall  to  my  room,  to 
prayers,  leaving  each  entirely  free  to  come  or  not  just  as  they 
choose.  There  i?  but  one  chapel  service  daily,  and  that  is  at 
at  night.  Sometimes  one,  sometimes  three,  and  oftentimes 
no  one  responds  to  my  invitation  by  coming  to  prayers.  After 
reading  and  praying  I  commence  my  studies,  by  first  writing 
in  my  diary  and  journal.  I  pursue  a  systematic  course  of 
studying  the  bible  and  writing  out  my  conclusions,  and  then 
read  some  scientific  book  requiring  thought  and  close  atten- 
tion, until  eleven  o'clock. 

I  then  take  a  full  bath  of  cold  water,  and  then  follow  it  with 
vigorous  friction,  accompanied  with  gymnastic  exercises,  adapt- 
ed to  the  expansion  of  the  chest  and  muscles  of  the  system.  I 
pursue  this  vigorous  exercise  before  my  open  window  until  I 
find  it  a  sweet  relief  to  sit  down  and  comb  my  hair  thorough- 
ly. I  then  complete  my  toilet  for  the  day,  all  of  which  occu- 
pies nearly  one  hour's  time.  I  am  then  in  a  condition  to  rel- 
ish my  dinner,  after  which,  I  read  some  light  literature,  or  the 
daily  paper,  over  which  I  often  drop  to  sleep  in  my  chair, 
and  thus  take  a  short  nap.  I  then  take  my  embroidery  and 
do  a  certain  amount,  while  I  at  the  same  time  commit  to  mem- 
ory certain  passages  which  I  have  marked  in  my  reading  as 
worthy  of  particular  note  ;  or,  while  doing  my  embroidery,  I 
meet  my  attendants  Miss  Tomlin  and  Miss  McKelva  in  the 
large  dormitory,  and  there  listen  to  readings  from  Shake- 
speare's plays  which  we  mutually  agree  to  do  for  our  individu- 
al improvement.  This  occupies  my  mind  completely  until 
the  horn  blows  for  supper,  when  the  farm  hands  are  all  sum- 
moned in  from  their  work  in  the  fields  about  five  o'clock.  I 


RECORD  OF  A  DAY.  177 

take  no  suppers  at  all,  finding  that  two  meals  are  all  my  pres- 
ent, habits  render  necessary  for  the  unimpeded  and  healthfu] 
operations  of  nature.  I  noticed  that  while  I  took  my  suppers 
my  sleep  was  not  so  quiet  and  refreshing  as  it  ought  to  be — that 
I  awoke  with  a  bad  taste  in  my  mouth,  and  had  but  little  ap- 
petite for  my  breakfast.  I  felt  rather  averse  to  effort.  I  be- 
came aware  that  1  was  over  feeding  myself  instead  of  refresh- 
ing nature  with  food.  I  therefore  dispensed  with  my  suppers 
entirely,  and  afl  these  symptoms  and  indifferent  feelngs  sub- 
sided, and  I  felt  well,  that  is,  I  had  no  special  reason  for 
considering  that  I  had  a  body  to  care  for,  so  quiet  and  unim- 
peded were  its  functions  carried  on.  The  body  thus  cared  for 
instead  of  being  an  incumbrance  to  the  mind,  became  only  its 
faithful  servant.  My  sleep  is  now  really  a  luxury,  even 
amid  this  den  of  howling  maniacs,  and  my  breakfast  and  din- 
ners are  peculiarly  well  relished,  and  I  have  not  a  pain  or  un- 
easy sensation  in  my  physical  system  to  call  the  mind's  atten- 
tion to,  whatever. 

How  thankful  am  I  for  my  practical  knowledge  of  the  laws 
of  my  physical  nature;  for  I  do  believe  that  godliness,  or 
living  according  to  God's  laws,  is  profitable  in  every  respect; 
and  ungodliness,  or  trespassing  on  nature's  laws,  can  not  be 
done  with  impunity. 

After  supper  I  lay  aside  my  work,  and  devote  myself  to 
amusing  the  prisoners,  by  dancing  and  playing  with  them  until 
after  chapel  service,  when  they  are  locked  up  for  the  night. 
T  go  through  my  gymnastics  again  at  night  in  my  room,  and 
drink  my  tumbler  of  soft  water,  and  pray,  and  go  joyfully  tc 
bed  to.  sleep,  and  pleasant  dreams.  I  often  feel  when  rising, 
as  much  relieved  and  rested  from  my  troubles,  as  if  I  had 
really  been  absent  from  my  prison,  on  a  pleasant  visit  to  loved 
friends.  It  sometimes  takes  me  some  minutes  to  realize  where 
I  am,  on  awaking  from  such  pleasant  dreams. 

I  often  think  this  hell  is  not  so  unmitigated  in  its  torments 
as  the  hell  of  lost  spirits  is  represented  to  be,  by  their  resting 
not,  day  nor  night.     Could  not  these  prison  torments  be  sus- 
pended by  sleep,  they  must  soon  become  too   intolerable  for 
H2 


178  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

physical  nature  to  sustain.  God  grant  me  deliverance  from 
endless,  unmitigated  torment ! 

The  discipline  of  this  hell  has  had  one  influence  over  my 
moral  feelings  which  is  certainly  conducive  to  inward  peace 
of  mind,  and  that  is,  I  am  becoming  comparatively  indifferent 
to  the  "  speech  of  people,"  which  is  really  one  of  the  greatest 
bugbears  in  the  universe.  I  now  think  it  is  much  better  to 
do  as  we  please,  or  as  we  think  it  right  for  us  to  do,  promptly, 
and  independently,  than  to  square  our  conclusions  by  other 
people's  estimates.  Blessed  be  independence  and  moral 
courage  !  for  by  these  traits  alone  can  we  secure  the  honor  of 
God,  and  the  approbation  of  a  good  conscience.  Let  me  get 
above  "  folks,"  where  I  can  breathe  a  pure  atmosphere  and 
live.  The  'idea  of  suffocating  and  choking  to  death  down  in 
the  vitiating  atmosphere  of  a  meddlesome  and  gossiping  world, 
is  very  disagreeable.  The  record  of  every  day's  experience 
here  of  this  doleful  prison  life,  carries  me  farther  and  farther 
above  this  grovelling  atmosphere,  so  that  my  mind  finds  peace 
amid  tumult  and  noisy  strife. 

For  the  benefit  of  others  who  may  be  called  to  endure  sim- 
ilar trials,  I  will  add,  that  I  find  it  an  invaluable  habit  to  be 
able  to  secure  good  sleep,  and  plenty  of  it,  to  fortify  one 
invincibly  against  the  attacks  of  "  low  spirits."  To  be  a 
"good  sleeper"  is  as  indispensable  to  a  happy,  vigorous  state 
of  the  intellect,  as  being  a  "good  eater"  is  to  a  good  physical 
condition.  And  my  signal  triumph  over  low,  or  depressed 
spirits,  which  never  for  one  entire  day  disturbed  my  inward 
peace  of  mind,  during  all  my  imprisonment,  is  greatly  owing 
to  my  constant  practice  of  sleeping  soundly  from  ten  to  eleven 
hours  out  of  the  twenty-four.  The  need  of  this  habit  was 
presented  first  to  my  mind  by  my  scientific  reading  in  the 
Asylum,  where  it  was  shown  that  whenever  the  brain  had 
unusual  burdens  to  carry,  either  in  the  form  of  trials  or  of 
deep  study,  a  greater  amount  of  sleep  was  indispensable  to 
sustaining  it  unharmed. 


HOW  I  BOUGHT  PAPER  179 

XXXIX. 
How  I  Bought  and  Retained  some  Paper. 

Before  narrating  the  incidents  concerning  the  paper,  I  will 
here  state  a  few  facts  incidentally  bearing  upon  the  subject. 
As  I  have  before  stated,  orders  were  expressly  given  when  I 
was  removed  to  the  Eighth  ward,  that  I  be  not  allowed  to  go 
out  of  it  at  all  except  to  chapel  service.  These  orders  were 
strictly  enforced  for  about  five  months,  when  orders  were  re- 
ceived that  I  might  be  allowed  to  ride  and  walk  out  with  the 
patients.  I  have  reason  to  think  that  I  am  indebted  to  Miss 

M ,  for  this  privilege,  as  she  was  the  first  who  bore  to  me 

the  message  in  these  words,  "  Mrs.  Packard,  the  Doctor  has 
given  me  permission  to  take  you  to  ride  to-day  in  company 
with  his  daughter  Hattie." 

Availing  myself  of  this  privilege  I  took  with  me  the  only 
capital  I  owned  in  the  whole  world,  viz  :  asilverdime,  which 
Dr.  McFarland  had  given  me,  and  which  by  an  unaccountable 
combination  of  circumstances,  he  supposed  was  justly  my  due, 
determining  if  possible  to  invest  this  capital  in  paper,  now 

the  great  want  of  my  existence.     At  my  request  Miss  M • 

left  me  at  Dr.  Shirley's  office,  to  get  some  unfinished  work 
done  on  my  teeth,  while  she  and  Hattie  rode  off.  While  they 
were  gone  I  took  occasion  to  step  out  to  make  my  investment. 
But  recollecting  that  five  months  before,  in  settling  up  my 
account  at  the  "  Philadelphia  Store,"  I  found  myself  indebted 
five  cents  above  what  I  was  able  to  pay,  I  accordingly  asked 
Mr.  Woodman  to  trust  me  for  that,  assuring  him  I  should  pay 
him  the  first  money  I  got.  He  however  gallantly  replied,  "it 
is  of  no  consequence,  you  are  welcome  to  it." 

But  as  I  felt  bound  in  honor  to  fulfill  my  promise,  I  went 
directly  to  this  store,  and  after  stating  the  circumstances, 
offered  my  dime  to  meet  my  obligation,  secretly  praying  how- 
ever, that  he  would  still  insist  upon  it  that  it  was  of  "  no  con- 
sequence" to  him,  for  it  was  of  great  value  to  me — half  my  for- 
tune !  But  in  this,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  I  was  disappointed,  for 


\  x^ 

180  THE  f>rSo      •  -  • %>f?  HIDDEN  LIFE. 


it  was  his  clerk  now  that  I  was  doing  'siness  with  in- 

stead of  the  kin-:1  Mr.  Woodman,  the  owner.  DO  after  search- 
ing his  money  ?^.  \et  over  in  vain  to  find  the  five  cents  my 
due,  he  left  me  alone  in  the  store  long  enough  to  steal  half 
his  goods  had  I  been  so  disposed,  (but  I  did  not  steal  anything, 
by  the  way  !)  and  went  to  the  bank  to  get  my  dime  changed, 
and  thus  I  got  my  five  cents.  But  having  no  paper,  as  I  had 
before  offered  to  take  it  in  paper,  I  hastened  to  the  nearest 
bookstore,  where  I  bought  five  cents  worth  of  damaged  fools- 
cap, which  amounted  to  eight  sheets  !  Overjoyed  at  the  suc- 
cess of  my  investment,  being  three  extra  sheets  above  the  cur- 
rent price,  I,  with  the  lightest  heart  and  the  quickest  step 
possible,  returned  to  Dr.  Shirley's  office,  lest  Mary  get  there 
before  me.  But  alas  !  the  tardy  bank  was  so  long  in  chang- 
ing my  dime,  that  she  drove  up  to  the  door  just  as  I  returned 
to  be  thus  caught  !  But  by  carefully  concealing  my  long 
roll  of  foolscap  under  my  shawl  as  best  I  could,  I  thought  I 
had  satisfied  her  inquiry  as  to  where  I  had  been,  by  telling 
her  I  had  been  to  the  Philadelphia  Store  to  pay  a  debt. 

But  alas  !  the  long  roll  of  foolscap  would  so  protrude  itself 
against  my  shawl  as  to  lead  her  to  suspect  I  had  not  told  the 
whole  truth  in  reporting  myself.  However  she  did  not  ex- 
press these  thoughts  to  me  until  that  evening  when  just  be- 
fore chapel,  she  came  to  me  with  this  question,  "  Mrs.  Pack- 
ard, did  you  get  any  paper  when-  I  took  you  to  ride  to- 
day ?" 

"Why  do  you  ask  me  that  question,  Mary?" 

"  Because  I  thought  I  saw  something  under  your  shawl 
which  you  seemed  to  try  to  conceal  from  me." 

"  What  if  I  did  ?  havn't  I  a  right  to  carry  things  without 
your  knowledge  ?" 

"  You  have  no  right  to  carry  paper  without  my  knowledge, 
for  the  Doctor  has  expressly  forbidden  me  to  let  you  have  a 
scrap  of  writing  paper,  and  if  you  have  used  the  privilege  I 
granted  you  by  taking  you  to  ride,  by  getting  yourself  paper, 
I  must  report  you  to  the  Doctor.  Did  you  get  paper,  or 
did  you  not?" 


HOW  I  BOUGHT  PAPER.  181 

"I  did,  Mary,  get  five  cents'  worth?" 

'  I  must  report  you  to  the  Doctor — it  is  my  duty." 

am  sorry,  Mary,  your  conscience  dictates  such  a  course, 
still  if  it  does,  obey  your  conscience,  for  I  know  you  will  fa- 
vor me  whenever  you  can  conscientiously  do  so." 

As  she  left  the  hall  I,  as  quickly  as  possible,  took  the  three 
extra  sheets  from  my  roll  and  hid  them  about  my  person, 
leaving  the  roll  in  the  top  of  an  old  box  which  I  was  using  as 
a  trunk  to  keep  my  things  in,  with  one  dress  simply  covering 
the  roll.  After  chapel,  and  when  the  ladies  were  nearly  all 
locked  up  for  the  night  in  their  rooms,  the  Doctor's  steps  were 
heard  in  our  hall,  and  as  he  entered  at  one  end,  I  left  my  room 
at  the  opposite  end,  and  as  we  approached  each  other  we  met 
at  about  the  middle  of  the  hall,  when  standing  directly  in 
front  of  me,  he  remarked,  with  his  eye  fixed  most  intently  up- 
on me,  "Mrs.  Packard,  did  you  get  some  paper  when  you 
you  went  to  ride  with  Miss  M ,  to-day  ?" 

"  Yes  sir  !   said  I  looking  him  also  full  in  the  eye." 

"  Will  you  give  me  the  paper  if  I  ask  you  for  it  ?" 

"  No  sir  !"  with  emphasis,  said  I. 

"Will  you  give  it  to  me  if  I  demand  it  of  you?" 

"No  sir!"  with  greater  emphasis. 

For  a  moment  we  stood  looking  at  each  other  in  silent 
amazement,  then  he  said,  "  Where  is  the  paper?" 

"  Amongst  my  things." 

We  then  passed  each  other,  he  going  to  my  room  to  attend 
to  his  business,  and  I  to  the  opposite  end  of  the  hall  to  attend 
to  mine. 

-When  I  returned,  I  found  the  Doctor  searching  the  table 
drawer  where  I  kept  my  choice  things,  the  key  to  which  I 
carried  in  my  own  pocket ;  but  it  seemed  the  Doctor  had 
opened  it  with  some  other  key.  I  wonder  if  there  are  any 
locks  which  Dr.  McFarland's  keys  can  not  lawfully  open! 

After  watching  his  movements,  while  he  stood  bent  over 
my  drawer,  carefully  opening  every  box,  large  and  small,  and 
pocketing  such  articles  as  he  chose,  such  as  bits  of  pencils, 
and  old  pens,  and  any  articles  of  stationery  he  could  find, 


182  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  left  the  room,  while  he  was,  ransacking  the  paraphernalia 
of  woman's  toilet,  remarking  to  my  dormitory  companions  as 
I  left,  "  Ladies,  bear  witness  to  this  robbery  1" 

Failing,  to  find  the  paper  he  was  in  search  of,  he  closed  and 
locked  the  drawer,  then  asked  the  ladies  if  they  knew  of  any 
other  place  where  Mrs.  Packard  kept  her  things.  Miss 
Goldsby  replied,  "  She  keeps  some  in  this  box,  I  believe," 
pointing  to  a  cushioned  covered  seat  near  by.  This  box,  the 
size  of  a  common  trunk,  was  full  of  my  larger  articles  of 
wearing  apparel,  which  he  carefully  searched  throughout ;  but 
failing  to  find  the  roll  of  foolscap,  because  in  such  plain  sight, 
near  the  top !  he  left,  chagrined  and  mortified  at  his  failure, 
and  locking  the  door  of  my  room  as  he  passed  out,  he  left  me 
alone  in  the  hall,  while  he,  with  a  quick,  anxious  tread,  passed 
speechlessly  by  me,  out  of  the  hall,  closing  the  dead  lock  upon 
me. 

As  I  alone  paced  the  hall,  silently  ruminating  upon  my 
probable  fate,  I  saw  the  hall  door  open,  and  the  Doctor  en- 
tered, followed  by  his  porter.  "Now,"  thought  I,  "I  am  to 
be  transported  off  to  some  dungeon  or  secret  cell,  to  suffer 
the  penalty  for  telling  the  truth  to  him  and  my  attendant," 
and  stepping  up  deliberately,  in  front  of  the  porter,  I  daunt- 
lessly  stood,  with  folded  arms,  ready  to  be  unresistingly  borne 
to  my  place  of  torture.  The  friendly  porter,  who  had  more 
than  twenty  times  put  the  reins  of  the  carriage  horse  into  my 
hands,  and  received  my  "  thank  you,"  as  often,  just  gave  me 
a  smile,  and  a  respectful  bow  of  recognition,  and  passing  me, 
followed  the  Doctor  into  my  room.  He  soon  appeared  again 
with  what  the  Doctor  supposed  was  my  trunk,  in  his  hands, 
and  followed  the  Doctor  with  it  up  to  the  trunk  room,  where 
it  was  left  beyond  the  reach  of  Mrs.  Packard's  accommoda- 
tion. Thus  the  Doctor  had  the  satisfaction  of  feeling  that  if 
Mrs.  Packard  has  baffled  him  in  finding  the  paper,  he  has  been 
able  to. annoy  her  by  taking  her  trunk!  And.  as  the  event 
proved,  the  Doctor,  upon  a  second  overhauling  of  my  things 
in  the  trunk  room,  found  the  roll  of  foolscap  ;  and  being  fivo 
sheets,  he  felt  that  this  amount  answered  to  the  five  cent's 


THE  ARISTOCRACY.  183 

worth  Miss  M told  him  I  had  bought,  so  that,  after  un- 
locking my  large  trunk  in  the  trunk  room,  and  robbing  it  of 
all  my  letters,  and  papers,  and  manuscripts  of  every  kind,  he 
felt  satisfied,  feeling  that  at  last  his  plan  to  defeat  his  prison- 
ers of  their  rights  had  succeeded,  even  in  my  case. 

But  don't  let  the  great  Doctor  feel- too  confident  that  he  has 
gained  the  laurels  of  victory,  after  all,  for  he  did  not  know 
that  his  wife  furnished  me  with  a  better  trunk,  and  more  of 
my  wardrobe  than  ever  before,  with  a  key  to  it  also ;  and 
besides,  the  Doctor  did  not  know  that  I  still  kept  and  faith- 
fully used,  the  three  large  sheets  of  foolscap,  from  which  I 
am  now  copying  for  the  public  advertising  of  himself,  through 
this  record  of  his  own  actions  !  No,  neither  did  he  know  that 
this  ungallant  assault  upon  a  defenceless  woman's  rights, 
aroused  the  just  indignation  of  the  house  in  sympathy  with 
his  victim ;  so1  that  it  came  to  be  regarded  as  a  part  of  the 
code  of  honor  in  that  house  afterwards,  to  evade  the  mandate 
to  "keep  all  stationery  from  Mrs.  Packard,"  so  that  the  em- 
ployees willingly  followed  the  example  which  Mrs.  McFarland 
set  them,  to  furnish  me  with  supplies,  clandestinely,  when- 
ever they  could  safely  do  so.  In  this  way,  he,  himself, 
furnished  me  with  sufficient  material  to  print  a  volume  quad- 
ruple this  size  when  it  is  all  printed  1  Can  not  God  cause  the 
"wrath  of  man  to  praise  him?" 

XL,:;  . 

The   Aristocracy  of  JacksonviTc*,  Rebuked— Another 

Honorable  &  tov 

,. 

One  day,  as  Dr.  McFarland  was  passing  my  door,  I  hailed 
him,  exclaiming,  "  Doctor,  I  want  to  tell  you  of  my  trial. 
I  believe  you  will  pity  me,  for  you  did  on  my  experiencing  a 
similar  trial  when  I  first  came  here:1' 

"  0  yes,  I  will  pity  you.     What  is  it? " 

"Doctor,  I  have  been  insulted  by  those  proud  ladies  your 
wife  took  through  here  the  other  day." 


184  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"Why,  or  how,  did  they  insult  you?" 

"  I  will  tell  you.  They  came  to  my  room,  where  I  politely 
invited  them  to  be  seated,  and  entered  upon  intelligent,  lady- 
like conversation  with  them.  But  I  quickly  noticed  they 
had  come  as  spies — that  they  came  to  ridicule,  instead  of  to 
comfort  the  sorrowing,  •  and  that  all  my  effort  to  entertain 
them  was  to  be  at  my  own  expense.  That  is,  I  saw  by  their 
manner  that  they  regarded  me  as  an  insane  person,  and  that 
all  I  said,  no  matter  what,  it  was  all  looked  upon  as  insane 
talk,  such  as  they  regarded  as  of  no  consequence,  except  as 
it  afforded  them  subject  for  merriment  and  ridicule.  Hurt 
as  my  feelings  were  by  their  sly  winking  and  scornful  smiles, 
which  were  freely  exchanged  whenever  I  spoke,  I  took  no 
notice  of  it,  so  far  as  my  manner  was  concerned,  but  continued 
politely  and  intelligently  to  entertain  them;  and  when  they 
abrubtly  withdrew,  I  politely  invited  them  to  call  again,  to 
which  only  one  returned  a  response.  By  their  significant 
looks  and  smiles  as  they  passed  out,  they  plainly  said,  'We 
have  seen  enough  of  her  insanity,  let  us  go  and  find  some 
other  insane  person  to  ridicule!'  And  they  did  ridicule  many 
others  in  the  same  manner,  leading  them  to  exclaim  as  they 
left,  '  They  make  us  feel  that  we  are  a  menagerie  of  wild 
beasts,  to  be  gazed  upon  as  show  animals  !  ' ' 

"It  is  too  bad  !  They  ought  not  to  have  treated  you  so. 
It  was  wrong,  very  wrong.  I  have  discharged  two  attendants 
to-day  for  ridiculing  a  patient." 

"You  have  done  right,  DrV McFarland,  and  God  will  bless 
you  for  it.  You  have  fj^-fejided  the  rights  of  the  oppressed 
by  so  doing.  This  i°  'Jod  sent  you  here  for,  to  protect 

the  afflicted  and  care  \rm.^  I  then  added,  "I  feel  very 
indignant  at  their  insulting  coiiLUct,  and  I  say  it  is  a  just  indig- 
nation, such  as  the  dictates  of  a  right  nature  prompt.  I  do 
not,  nor  will  I  try,  to  restrain  it  by  silence,  for  I  feel  called 
by  God,  'to  cast  abroad  my  rage,'  as  he  directs  in  Job  xl : 
11—15.  Under  this  feeling  of  just  indignation,  I  have  written 
a  reproof." 

"  I  hope  you  have  addressed  it  to  them." 


THE  ARISTOCRACY.  185 

"  Yes,  here  it  is,"  handing  him  the  following  letter.  After 
thoroughly  reading  it  he  handed  it  back  saying,  in  a  very  firm 
decided  manner,  "  put  this  letter  into  an  envelope,  direct  it 
to  Mrs.  J.  H.  Bancroft,  and  put  it  into  the  post-office." 

I  did  so,  and  the  letter  was  sent  too,  and  the  next  morning 
a  delegation  of  these  aristocratic  ladies  met  the  Doctor  in  the 
reception  room.  But  for  what  purpose  they  made  so  early  a  call 
at  the  Asylum  I  have  never  yet  learned.  I  only  know  that  they 
had  an  interview  there  with  the  Doctor,  for  several  attend- 
ants came  rushing  into  my  room  assuring  me  the  same  ladies 
were  there  to  whom  I  had  sent  my  letter,  and  they  thought 
they  would  soon  call  upon  me  to  make  their  apology  fortheij 
unchristian  and  uncivil  treatment.  But  I  am  sorry  to  say, 
they  never  called  upon  me,  neither  did  they  ever  send  me  a,n 
apology  for  this  gross  insult.  « 

This  fact  has  led  me  to  conclude  that  the  feeling  often  ex- 
pressed by  the  sensible  employees  is  true,  viz  :  that  this  class 
of  Jacksonville  people  despise  the  patients,  and,  more  than  any 
class  of  Asylum  visitors,  manifest  this  feeling  in  the  most  un- 
mistakable manner  towards  the  inmates,  as  occasion  offers. 
These  insolent  visitors  have  long  been  a  great  source  of  an- 
noyance to  the  prisoners  there,  therefore  I  feel  called  upon  to 
expose  them  to  the  world.  Had  I  any  reason  to  suppose  my 
private  rebuke  had  benefited  them,  I  should  never  have  con- 
sented to  thus  treat  the  persistent  transgressor  by  publishing 
this  letter,  to  Mrs.  Bancroft,  Mrs.  Lathrop  and  Mrs.  Wells. 

INSANE  ASYLUM,  May  1,  1862. 

SISTERS  :  Have  we  not  all  one  Father  ?  Are  we  not  equally 
dependent  upon  our  heavenly  Father  for  life  and  all  its  bless- 
ings ?  Is  it  therefore  filial  or  becoming  to  claim  more  than  he 
bestows,  or  abuse  what  he  gives?  ^ 

You  may  perhaps  be  surprised  at  these  questions,  and  won- 
der what  can  have  prompted  their  utterance.  I  will  tell  you. 
Your  call  at  my  room  was  the  occasion,  and  your  treatment 
of  me  while  there,  was  the  cause.  You  treated  me  not  as  an 
afflicted  sister,  but  as  a  brute.  You  did  indeed  visit  me  in 
my  prison,but  I  was  led  to  exclaim,  "would  that  you  had 


186  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

not, for  by  this  act  you  have  inflic  ted  a  wound  upon  one  of  Christ's 
little  ones,  such  as  he  will  certainly  be  called  upon  to  avenge. 
Yes  sisters,  you  have  harmed  yourselves,  and  you  have  hurt 
me.  The  hurt  on  me  will  be  healed,  and  by  my  patient  en- 
durance will  only  add  to  the  luster  of  my  crown  of  righteous- 
ness. 

Sisters,  what  could  be  more  cruel  than  to  make  light  of  and 
ridicule  the  afflicted  membersof  God's  household,  as  you  did 
yesterday,  when  you  visited  our  wards  ?  Would  you  not  have 
called  the  act  an  outrage  on  your  feelings  to  find  that  your 
sick  and  agonized  child  was  made  an  object  of  ridicule  and 
contempt,  by  her  more  favored  sisters  ?  Would  not  your  au- 
thority as  a  parent  demand  that  these  guilty  ones  be  punish- 
ed ?  Sisters,  in  behalf  of  injured  humanity,  I  feel  compelled 
to  inform  you  that  the  weak,  sickly  and  persecuted  members 
of  God's  family  are  not  brute  beasts,  but  human  beings,  with 
human  feelings,  if  not  like  yourselves,  like  your  superiors  on 
the  plane  of  humanity  and  intelligence ;  and  if  you  can  find 
nothing  human  in  your  own  proud  hearts  by  which  to  judge 
of  our  feelings,  I  will  inform  you  that  we  are  a  class  of  human 
beings  so  much  superior  to  yourselves,  that  for  our  benefit,  we 
wish  to  withdraw  ourselves  from  the  influence  of  your  inferior 
natures,  lest  we  be  contaminated  thereby.  As  for  myself  I 
feel  bound  to  withdraw  the  invitation  I  extended  to  you  yes- 
terday to  call  upon  me  again,  regarding  you  as  I  now  do  as 
beneath  my  notice. 

When  I  find  a  human  being  in  a  female  form  who  has  so  far 
perverted  her  nature,  as  to  leave  no  traces  of  sympathy,  or 
kind  feelings  towards  others,  but  is  only  arrogant  and  proud, 
I  feel  it  my  duty  to  avoid  such,  and  treat  them  only  as  fallen 
beings,  still  hoping  and  praying  that  the  lost  image  of  human- 
ity may  be  restored,  even  if  it  must  come  at  the  expense  of 
an  Asylum  retribution.  Your  sister  in  bonds. 

E.  P.  W.  PACKARD. 


LOVE  YOUE  ENEMIES.  187 

XLL, 
"Love  your  Enemies." 

Upon  reviewing  the  scenes  of  yesterday  I  felt  such  an  im- 
pulse of  thanksgiving  for  this  signal  victory  of  right,  that  I 
felt  like  returning  a  thank-offering  to  the  Lord  for  it.  And 
I  could  find  no  better  way  of  expressing  it,  than  to  try  to  cul- 
tivate a  forgiving  spirit  towards  Dr.  McFarland,  by  trying  to 
stimulate  him  in  well  doing,  so  that  I  might  have  a  chance  to 
forgive  him  on  the  gospel  condition  of  repentance.  There- 
fore for  his  encouragement  in  well  doing  I  penned  the  follow- 
ing note  and  handed  it  to  him,  saying,  as  I  did  so,  "  Doctor,  I 
feel  that  you  deserve  a  certificate  of  good  behavior,  will  you 
therefore  accept  of  this  from  me  ?" 

"A  LOVE  MESSAGE.' 

Dr.  McFarland,  Respected  Friend,  I  feel  constrained  to  as- 
sure you  that  the  noble  stand  you  took  yesterday  is  secur- 
ing for  you  laurels  from  all  true  humanity  about  this  house. 
Its  involuntary  utterance  seems  to  be  in  all  cases  like  what 
Mrs.  Coe  expressed  when  I  told  her  of  the  affair,  "  good  !  for 
Dr.  McFarland  !  This  is  an  honorable  act  I"  But  this  is  not 
the  best  of  it,  "  "When  a  man's  ways  please  the  Lord,  he  mak- 
eth  even  his  enemies  to  be  at  peace  with  him."  "Be  not  weary 
in  well  doing,  for  in  due  season  ye  shall  reap  if  ye  faint 
not."  Your  true  friend, 

E.  P."W.  PACKARD. 

As  the  Doctor  opened  the  note  and  his  eye  caught  the  head- 
ing, he  uttered  an  exclamation  of  surprise,  and  after  repeating 
the  heading  over  twice  aloud,  he  added,  ""Who  would  have 
thought  of  Dr.  McFarland's  receiving  a  "love  message"  from 
Mrs.  Packard  !" 

I  replied,  "it  is  even  so  1 1  am  no  hypocrite — I  am  a  true  wo- 
man, and  the  love  I  bestow  upon  men  does  not  hurt  them." 

"  No,  it  does  not,"  said  he. 

"  The  truth  is,  Doctor,  I  am  resolved  to  risk  the  exercise 


188  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

of  a  disinterested  benevolence,  however  its  legitimate  devel- 
opment may  seem  to  conflict  with  my  selfish  interests." 

Without  responding  any  further  he  pocketed  his  note  and 
left  me,  perhaps  to  plot  some  way  by  which  to  turn  this  ex- 
pression against  me.  I  think  I  can  fully  appreciate  too  the 
danger  which  Mrs.  Coe  pointed  out  to  me  in  treating  the 
Doctor  with  "  so  much  civility  and  kindness  even  after  he  has 
wronged  you  so  much  and  egregiously."  He  may  I  know,  by 
his  policy,  turn  it  very  much  against  me,  if  he  is  so  disposed 
to  pervert  it,  or  misrepresent  me.  Still,  since  God's  directions 
are  simple  and  plain  on  this  point,  "  to  love  your  enemies,  do 
good  to  them  that  hate  you,  and  pray  for  them  who  despite- 
fully  use  you  and  persecute  you,"  and  my  own  forgiving  na- 
ture does  not  conflict  with  these  directions  as  appplied  to  the 
Doctor,  I  intend  to  be  fearless  in  using  every  possible  means 
that  love  can  devise  to  save  him  ;  for  it  is  to  me  a  far  more 
desirable  object  to  save  him  than  to  destroy  him ;  and  so  far 
as  he  is  concerned  I  do  not  think  my  deliverance  depends  up- 
on his  decision  or  his  action.  God's  purposes  cannot  be 
thwarted  by  my  obeying  his  directions,  although  my  doing  so, 
may  seem  to  conflict  with  the  selfish  policy  which  my  reason 
may  suggest. 

God  commands  us  to  "  do  good  to  our  enemies,"  and  if  I 
fully  obey  this  direction,  I  must  not  only  pray  for  him,  but  I 
must  act  and  labor  for  his  welfare.  Judging  from  my  own 
feelings,  I  do  not  see  how  I  can  really  love  an  enemy  and  let 
him  go  unreproved  and  unwarned.  But  perhaps  if  I  hated 
a  human  being  I  might  answer  the  demands  of  my  conscience 
by  simply  praying  for  him;  but  since  I  never  knew  what 
that  feeling  was  by  experience  to  hate  any  one,  I  may  not  be 
qualified  to  judge  one  who  has.  My  nature  prompts  me  to 
hate  the  sin  and  love  the  sinner,  and  my  love  for  the  sinner  is 
so  genuine  and  so  real,  that  I  can  leave  no  means  untried  to 
bring  him  to  see  his  sins  and  repent,  since  I  know  pardon  from 
his  Judge  can  be  bestowed  on  no  other  condition.  The  great- 
est sin  of  my  life  as  I  now  view  it,  lies  in  the  fact  that  I  have 
been  too  ready  to  forgive  the  wrong  doer,  and  in  my  impatience 


HOW  I  LOST  MY  PAPER.  189 

to  extend  my  pardon  I  have  sometimes  forgiven  before  I  ought 
to  have  done  so — that  is,  I  have  forgiven  the  impenitent  in- 
stead of  the  penitent,  and  thus  encouraged  the  transgressor 
in  his  sins.  But  through  the  discipline  of  my  heavenly  Fa- 
ther I  now  see  my  sin  in  this  respect,  so  that  henceforth  I 
shall  aim  to  extend  to  the  impenitent  the  "  love  message" 
of  warning  and  rebuke,  and  to  the  truly  penitent,  the  "  love 
message"  of  encouragement  in  well  doing.  To  extend  for- 
giveness to  the  impenitent,  degrades  ourselves  also  as  guilty 
accomplices  in  their  iniquities. 


XLII. 
How  Mr.  Packard  gaye  me  Paper,  and  how  I  lost  it. 

Mr.  Packard  visited  the  Institution  twice  during  the  three 
years  his  wife  was  imprisoned  in  it.  But  these  visits  were 
not  designed  to  comfort  and  cheer  her  with  the  hope  of  deliv- 
erance from  her  prison  life  at  some  future  time,  but  to 
perpetuate  it,  through  his  influence  over  the  Superintendent 
and  the  Trustees.  He  visited  me  in  my  cell,  and  saw  my 
companions,  the  howling,  raving  maniacs  ;  and  although  he 
feared  for  his  own  life  while  among  them,  he  expressed  no 
fears  for  his  wife's  life.  He  tried  to  raise  his  voice  so  much 
above  the  roar  of  this  tempest  of  human  passions  and  seeth- 
ing hate,  as  to  make  his  wife  understand  that  she  was  under 
obligations  of  gratitude  to  him  for  replenishing  her  wardrobe 
for  a  longer  campaign  !  But  he  failed  to  make  her  appreciate 
this  obligation  of  gratitude  due  a  benefactor,  who  was  only 
restoring  stolen  property  to  its  rightful  owner.  "What  obliga- 
tion am  I  under  to  the  robber  who  meets  me  in  the  street  and 
robs  me  of  all  I  have,  my  watch,  and  purse,  and  even  my 
wearing  apparel,  and  then  comes  and  asks  me  to  bestow  on 
him  my  grateful  thanks  for  presenting  me  my  own  wardrobe, 
as  his  gift? 


190  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Either  the  tumultuous  elements  surrounding  me,  or  the 
lack  of  capacity  within  me,  or  both,  prevented  my  seeing 
this  obligation  due  him  as  my  benefactor  !  My  sense  of  jus- 
tice will  not  allow  me  to  thank  robbers  for  gifts  which  are 
already  my  own  property ;  therefore,  this  reverend  divine 
was  obliged  to  leave,  feeling  that  he  was  a  much  injured  man, 
because  his  benefactions  were  so  little  appreciated  by  his 
ungrateful  beneficiary !  Although  the  articles  from  my  ward- 
robe which  he  brought  to  me  in  the  prison,  were  the  most 
inferior  part  of  it,  being  in  the  main,  my  clothes  which  I  had 
done  wearing  myself,  and  had  laid  aside  for  donations  to  my 
washerwoman  and  others  more  destitute  than  myself;  yet, 
destitute  as  I  then  was,  they  were  in  themselves  very  accept- 
able, for  I  had  ample  time  for  making  new  things  out  of  old, 
and  thus  I  was  able  to  appear  in  quite  a  respectable  costume 
for  that  place. 

But  there  was  one  article  he  brought  me,  for  which  I  did 
really  feel  so  grateful,  I  could  hardly  control  this  emotion  by 
my  principles  or  reason;  that  is,  I  felt  so  instinctively  grateful 
for  the  large  roll  of  writing  paper,  envelopes,  and  stationery 
he  brought  me,  that  I  almost  spoke  my  thanks,  before  reason 
had  had  time  to  give  her  verdict  to  the  contrary.  He  saw 
that  my  joy  was  almost  boundless,  at  this  most  unexpected 
possession.  And  as  soon  as  he  left,  I  commenced  writing  a 
letter  to  my  children  on  it,  feeling  no  need  of  secrecy  now; 
and  therefore,  when  Dr.  McFarland  caught  me  quietly  using 
my  stationery,  he,  in  astonishment,  inquired,  "And  where 
did  you  get  your  paper  ?" 

"Mr.  Packard  gave  it  to  me." 

"How  did  Mr.  Packard  come  to  give  you  paper?" 

"I  don't  know,  sir.  I  suppose,  however,  he  felt  that  it 
might  be  an  innocent  amusement  for  me  to  write  here,  know- 
ing I  loved  to  write  when  I  was  at  home." 

"  How  much  did  he  give  you?" 

"Quite  a  number  of  sheets." 

"Let  me  see  it." 

I  then  took  the  roll  from  under  my  pillow  and  handed  it  to 


THE   WOMAN  QUESTION.  191 

him,  saying,  "  Here  it  is."  Before  this,  I  had  taken  out  one- 
half  of  it,  and  hid  it  about  my  person.  I  did  not  tell  him  of 
this  !  He  took  the  roll,  examined  it  carefully  and  thought- 
fully, for  some  minutes,  then  putting  the  whole  under  .the 
breast  of  his  coat,  he  remarked,  "I  will  take  charge  of  this." 
And  he  has  been  true  to  his  word ;  for  /  have  been  relieved 
from  this  charge  ever  since. 

But  the  matter  did  not  stop  here.  The  Superintendent 
arraigned  the  Minister  as  an  intruder  into  his  business,  and 
authoritatively  demanded  of  this  husband  why  he  had  given 
paper  to  his  wife.  The  husband  replied,  he  did  it  for  her 
comfort  and  amusement.  The  Superintendent  then,  after 
giving  the  Minister  a  severe  reprimand,  finished  by  the 
threat,  that  if  he  ever  attempted  to  interfere  again  with  his 
management  or  discipline  of  his  wife,  he  should  have  the  lib- 
erty of  taking  her  away,  forthwith !  This  terrible  threat 
silenced  the  Minister  into  unanswering  submission  to  the 
superior  mandates  of  the  Superintendent  over  the  control  of 
his  wife's  destiny. 


XLIH. 

Dialogues  with  Dr.  McFarland  on  the  Woman   Ques- 
tion. 

The  Doctor  has  been  talking  with  me  to-day  upon  the 
feelings  I  manifested  towards  my  husband.  The  Doctor 
asked,"  Mrs.  Packard,  do  you  think  it  would  be  considered 
as  natural,  for  a  true  woman  to  meet  one  who  had  been  a 
lover  and  a  husband,  after  one  year's  separation,  even  if  he 
had  abused  her,  without  one  gush  of  affection  ?" 

"  Yes  sir,  I  do  say  it  is  the  dictates  of  the  higher  nature  of 
a  woman  to  do  so  in  my  case.  He  has  by  his  own  actions 
annihilated  every  particle  of  respect  I  have  ever  felt  for  his 
manhood,  and  thus  my  higher  moral  nature  instinctively  abhors 
him.  To  bestow  upon  such  a  man  a  gush  of  sensual  affection, 


192  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

would  be  an  insane  act  in  me,  inasmuch  as  it  would  demon- 
strate that  my  lower  nature  ruled  my  higher  ;  whereas  san- 
ity requires  that  the  higher  rule  the  lower.  I  have  obeyed 
the  dictates  of  my  conscience  in  doing  so." 

"Do  you  feel  sure  your's  is  a  right  conscience?" 

"It  is  one  I  am  willing  to  go  to  God's  judgment  bar 
with." 

"  Do  you  believe  the  bible  ?" 

"  Indeed  I  do,  every  word  of  it  I  it  is  our  sure  word  of  pro- 
phecy." 

"Does  not  the  bible  require  forgiveness?'' 

"  It  does,  sir,  on  the  ground  of  repentance,  even  seventy 
times  seven.  But  without  it,  we  are  not  allowed  to  forgive, 
lest  it  harden  the  offender  in  his  sins.  Mr.  Packard  has  nev- 
er by  word  or  deed  intimated  that  he  has  done  one  unjust  or 
wrong  deed  in  treating  me  as  he  has  done,  much  less  that  he 
is  sorry  for  it,  and  now  for  me  to  treat  him  as  my  husband, 
would  be  saying  to  him,  "  I  think  you  are  doing  all  right  in 
treating  me  as  you  are."  Thus  I  should  be  upholding  him  in 
his  sins,  by  thus  disregarding  God's  express  directions." 

Besides,  Mr.  Packard  is  not  satisfied  with  branding  me  as 
insane,  but  is  trying  to  defame  my  virtue  also,  and  he  bases 
this  charge  upon  my  benevolent  regard  for  the  happiness  of 
others !  0  !  most  cruel  man  1  Does  he  not  know  that  my  re- 
gard for  God  is  superior  to  all  others?  Could  the  sovereign  of 
my  higher  nature — conscience — be  made  the  servant  instead 
of  the  ruler  of  my  lower  nature  ?  Nay,  verily,  my  very  na- 
ture renders  it  a  moral  impossibility  !  Oh  !  how  my  nature  is 
blasphemed  ! 

My  husband  has  rebelled  against  the  best  government  in 
the  world,  that  of  Jesus  Christ ;  who  has  established  the  gov- 
ernment of  the  individual  conscience.  He  ignores  that  gov- 
ernment, by  insisting  that  his  own  conscience  is  a  safer  guide 
for  me  than  my  own.  And  because  I  cannot  yield  to  this 
usurpation  he  is  determined  to  ruin  me.  "  Rule  or  ruin"  is  his 
motto.  If  I  could  only  feel  as  some  undeveloped  women  do, 
that  it  is  right  to  give  up  the  responsibility  of  their  own  ac- 


THE  WOMAN  QUESTION.  193 

tjons  to  their  husbands,  I  could  then  say  "  I  will  do  and  think 
as  he  pleases,  since  I  am  a  nonentity  after  marriage  !"  If 
God  regarded  me  as  the  law  does,  in  this  respect,  1  couid 
willingly  yield  my  conscience  to  get  my  children.  But  he 
does  not.  He  holds  me  as  an  entity,  subject  to  his  own  laws 
equally  with  my  husband. 

Therefore  I  cannot  do  wrong  to  get  my  children.  While 
this  sacred  right  of  my  nature  is  ignored  by  our  government, 
I  protest  against  this  usurpation,  and  claim  that  my  children 
are  mine,  by  the  first  right  of  nature.  Neither  should  my 
children  be  allowed  to  suffer  this  loss  of  a  mother's  care,  for 
this  is  their  God  appointed  heritage,  and  no  man  should  dare 
to  alienate  their  most  precious  boon  of  their  existence.  God 
has  given  them  to  me ;  and  no  law  or  man  has  any  right  to 
force  me  from  them.  I  do  believe  that  to  have  my  body 
roasted  at  the  stake,  I  should  not  have  suffered  a  tithe  of  the 
anguish  my  spirit  has  already  suffered  by  this  unnatural  sep- 
aration. I  have  felt  that  I  could  echo  the  wailings  of  a  mother 
here,  who,  with  streaming  eyes  exclaimed,  "  Oh,  I  would  will- 
ingly give  this  house  full  of  gold  if  I  had  it,  to  be  with  my 
children!" 

Whether  a  married  woman  can  retain  her  personal  identity 
or  not,  is  the  great  practical  question  involved  in  my  case. 
This  great  question  should  be  discussed,  examined,  and  placed 
in  the  focal  light  of  the  present  age,  so  that  an  intelligent  ver- 
dict may  be  rendered  upon  it.  My  painful  experience  fur- 
nishes convincing  proof  that  the  agitation  of  this  question  has 
become  a  practical  necessity,  for  no  woman  can  now  develop 
her  higher  nature,  under  the  subjective  influence  of  this  mari- 
tal power,  without  the  most  fierce  heart-rending  struggles. 
0  God  !  guide,  direct,  control,  each  and  every  influence  bear- 
ing upon  this  momentous  subject !  For  peace,  regardless  of 
justice,  is  a  treacherous  sleep,  whose  waking  is  death. 
I 


194  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

XLIV, 
My  Family  Relatives. 

Not  far  from  this  date  I  find  a  copy  of  a  letter  I  sent  to  my 
own  dear  father  in  Sunderland,  Mass.,  viz:  My  Dear  Father, 
Dr.  McFarland,  the  Superintendent,  has  given  me  permission 
to  write  you  a  letter.  This  is  the  first  opportunity  I  have 
had  to  write  you.  Hitherto  all  communication  with  my  friends 
has  been  denied  me,  except  through  my  husband. 

Father,  I  am  entombed  here  without  cause  ;  but  I  am  try- 
ing to  bear  my  wrongs  as  patiently  as  I  can.  The  suggestion 
has  often  been  made,  that  I  write  you  clandestinely,  so  that 
you  might  know  how  unjustly  I  am  treated,  and  some  have 
promised  to  write  for  me,  but  as  yet  I  have  thought  it  best  to 
break  no  rule  of  the  institution.  My  trust  in  the  rectitude 
of  a  divine  providence,  is  still  unshaken,  notwithstanding  the 
clouds  and  darkness  in  which  my  destiny  is  inveloped.  Yes, 
my  dear  Father,  your  Elizabeth  is  called  to  tread  a  very  thorny 
path.  Her  road  to  heaven  is  through  a  vast  howling  wilder- 
ness, where  no  rills  of  earthly  comfort  are  allowed  her,  to  re- 
fresh her  weary  fainting  spirits.  Not  only  are  all  the  com- 
forts and  blessings  of  a  Christian  home  denied  me,  but  even 
my  personal  liberty  already  for  nearly  one  whole  year  has 
been  taken  from  me  through  marital  usurpation. 

0,  my  Father,  how  my  heart  has  bled  and  my  soul  grieved 
in  agony,  at  being  thus  separated  from  my  own  flesh  and 
blood — my  precious  children.  My  own  husband  has  forced 
me  from  my  God-given  charge,  and  imprisoned  me,  with  no 
prospect  but  that  it  must  be  life-long,  simply  for  daring  to 
defend  what  I  thought  to  be  truth.  He  has  made  out  a 
charge  of  insanity  on  this  ground  alone,  while  in  all  my  con- 
duct he  can  allege  nothing  against  me.  I  have  neglected  no 
duties,  have  injured  no  one,  have  always  tried  to  do  unto 
others  as  I  would  wish  to  be  done  by ;  and  yet,  here  in 
America,  I  am  imprisoned  because  I  could  not  say  I  believed 
what  I  did  not  believe. 

0,  Father,  can't  you  help  me?     Can't  you  take  me  to  your 


MY  FAMILY  RELATIVES.  195 

own  home  for  a  short  time,  and  try  me,  and  see  if  I  am  insane? 
If  you  feel  that  you  are  too  old  to  come  yourself,  do  let  broth- 
er Austin  come  and  see  me,  at  least,  and  then  if  he  thinks 
this  Asylum  is  the  proper  place  for  me,  I  will  consent  to  stay. 
But  with  no  trial,  and  no  chance  at  self-defence,  is  it  not  un- 
just to  leave  your  only  daughter  uncared  for  any  longer  ? 
Do,  Father,  do  something,  to  get  justice  done  to  me  and  my 
precious  children.  Your  affectionate  daughter, 

ELIZABETH. 

Dr.  McFarland  received  a  reply  to  the  letter  to  my  Father. 
But  not  one  word  of  sympathy  or  comfort  for  his  persecuted 
daughter !  0',  can  it  be  that  my  own  dear  father  can  turn  a  deaf 
ear  to  the  appeal  I  made  to  him  to  "do  something?"  Yes,  'tis 
even  so,  for  I  have  read  the  whole  letter,  with  Dr.  McFarland 
at  my  side.  He  brought  it  into  the  hall,  and  asked  me  to 
come  and  sit  by  him,  when  he  took  out  the  letter  and  handed  it 
to  me  to  read. 

I  read  it  with  a  throbbing  heart;  and  when  I  came  to  the 
sentence,  saying,  "  he  hoped  the  charities  of  the  Institution 
might  be  extended  to  his  insane  daughter,  as  he  regarded  the 
Asylum  as  the  most  suitable  place  for  her  at  present,"  my 
heart  almost  sank  within  me.  "  0,  Father,"  thought  I,  "will 
you  believe  the  representations  of  Mr.  Packard  and  the  Doc- 
tor, and  disbelieve  your  own  daughter?"  Yes,  he  does;  he  is 
determined  to  let  me  lie  uncared  for,  believing  I  am  insane, 
and  therefore  he  is  sustaining  this  conspiracy  against  me. 
And  he,  too,  is  rich,  and  asks  the  charities  of  this  State ! 

For  my  father's  defence,  I  will  here  add,  that  the  Superin- 
tendent sent  with  my  letter  one  of  his  own,  which  destroyed 
the  influence  of  mine;  and  as  the  Superintendent  and  the 
husband  both  agreed  in  opinion  respecting  me.  it  is  not  so 
strange  that  a  man  nearly  eighty  years  old,  should  heed  their 
statements,  rather  than  those  of  one  whom  he  supposed  was 
insane.  He  had  unbounded  confidence  in  the  integrity  of 
his  son-in-law,  Mr.  Packard,  and  he,  of  course,  concluded 
that  a  man  sustained  by  the  State  must  be  a  reliable  man, 
whose  opinion  demanded  respect  and  confidence.  Therefore, 


196  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

instead  of  coming  to  my  rescue,  he  sent  on  one  hundred 
dollars  to  Mr.  Packard,  to  help  him  in  keeping  my  imprison- 
ment perpetuated  !  Another  fact.  Mr  Packard  succeeded 
in  influencing  the  Trustees  to  take  me  on  to  their  charity 
list,  and  then  carefully  concealed  this  fact  from  my  father,  so 
that  he  could  beg  the  more  successfully  from  him,  the  patri- 
mony which  was  my  due.  Thus  he  kept  my  patrimony,  and 
got  me  supported  by  the  State  of  Illinois. 

I  am  sorry  to  say  that  my  father  sustained  this  cruel  con- 
spiracy for  years,  persistently  resisting  all  light,  except  it 
came  through  the  medium  of  the  conspirators.  But  he  did 
this  ignorantly,  not  wilfully ;  for  I  rejoice  to  add,  that  when 
he  did  see  me,  in  about  eighteen  months  after  my  liberation, 
his  fatherly  feeling  so  gained  the  mastery  of  his  bigotry,  (he 
was  a  minister  of  the  same  creed  as  Mr.  Packard,)  that  he 
soon  saw  his  mistake,  and  then  he  tried  to  counteract  the 
influence  he  had  encouraged  in  believing  me  to  be  insane. 
He  now  fully  believed  I  had  never  been  insane  at  all,  and 
from  that  time  he  has  been  a  father  indeed  to  me.  As  proof 
of  this  assertion,  I  here  give  his  certificate : 

"REV.  SAMUEL  WARE'S  CERTIFICATE  TO  THE  PUBLIC. 

This  is  to  certify  that  the  certificates  which  have  appeared 
in  public,  in  relation  to  my  daughter's  sanity,  were  given  upon 
the  conviction  that  Mr.  Packard's  representations  respecting 
her  condition  were  true;  and  were  given  wholly  upon  the  au- 
thority of  Mr.  Packard's  own  statements.  I  do,  therefore, 
hereby  certify,  that  it  is  now  my  opinion  that  Mr.  Packard 
has  had  no  cause  for  treating  my  daughter  Elizabeth  as  an 
insane  person.  SAMUEL  WARE. 

OLIVE  WARE.* 


Attest">    AUSTIN 
SOUTH  DEERFIELD,  August  2,  1866." 

LETTER  TO    MY    BROTHER,  S.  WARE,  OF  BATAVIA,  ILLINOIS. 

INSANE  ASYLUM,  June  15,  1862. 

MY  DEAR  BROTHER  :     I  received  a  letter  from  your  wife,  I 
think  in    September,  kindly  inviting  me    to   come    to   your 

*My  step  mother.     My  own  mother  has  been  dead  twenty -four  years' 


MY  FAMILY  KELATIVES.  197 

house  upon  my  leaving  the  Asylum.  Thanks,  many  thanks, 
kind  brother  and  sister,  for  this  kind  offer,  for  it  is  one  I  can 
fully  appreciate.  Yes,  your  sister  Elizabeth  has  no  place  on 
earth  she  can  now  call  her  home,  but  a  prison. 

And  I  am  not  only  homeless,  but  every  means  possible  is 
used  to  impress  upon  my  mind  the  feeling  that  I  am  friendless 
also.  But  I  will  not  believe  it.  I  know  that  adversity  is 
the  touchstone  of  friendship,  and  that  sometimes,  when  we 
most  need  the  sympathy  and  aid  of  friends,  we  find  ourselves 
utterly  forsaken.  And  I  have  too  much  reason  to  fear  that 
my  kindred  have  all  concluded  to  leave  me  to  the  tender 
mercies  of  the  cruel  and  disinterested. 

Yes,  a  letter,  received  yesterday,  from  Father,  clearly  de- 
monstrates the  fact,  that  the  cause  of  creeds  requires  that 
his  daughter  be  branded  with  insanity  !  Indeed,  there  was 
not  one  word  of  sympathy,  or  one  love  message  in  it,  although 
I  had  just  sent  him  a  kind  letter.  My  persecution  reminds 
me  of  father  Chinique's  experience,  when  his  friends  forsook 
him.  because  he  had  forsaken  the  errors  of  the  Catholic  church. 
So  I,  when,  from  the  clearest  convictions  of  conscience,  for- 
sook and  exposed  the  errors  of  our  church,  and  endorsed  some 
truths  found  in  the  Methodist,  the  Baptist,  the  Unitarian,  the 
Universalist,  the  Catholic,  and  other  denominations;  in  short, 
when  I  endorsed  the  Truth,  instead  of  Presbyterianism,  for  my 
creed,  all  my  former  friends  almost,  seemed  to  regard  this  ex- 
tension of  charity  to  other  denominations,  as  an  unpardonable 
offence,  deserving  eternal  banishment  from  them  and  all  civil- 
ized society  I  This  is  the  penalty  I  am  called  to  bear,  for  the 
crime  of  becoming  a  self-reliant  thinker,  and  tolerant  Christian 
in  the  Presbyterian  church.  This  Institution,  my  friends,  and 
the  church,  may  hold  me  on  this  rack  of  insanity  as  long  as 
they  choose  ;  I  shall  hold  myself  in  defiance  of  them  all,  an 
independent  thinker,  and  a  charitable  Christian.  And  too,  I 
shall  be  all  the  more  independent,  on  account  of  this  opposition. 
I  used  to  have  an  unbounded  respect  and  reverence,  almost, 
for  Theologians  and  Doctors  of  Divinity :  but  I  am  happy  to 
say,  that  now  I  have  more  respect  for  my  own  individuality, 
than  for  them  all. 


198  TH«  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

To  you,  my  dear  brother  and  sister,  this  may  seem  like  an 
arrogant  spirit ;  but  it  is  not.  I  do  not  say,  like  these 
Theologians,  that  my  opinion  is  the  standard  for  any  other 
individual ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  I  say  it  is  not.  No  other 
individual  in  the  whole  world  is  to  be  judged  by  this  standard 
of  belief  but  myself.  Therefore,  it  would  be  arrogant  in  me 
to  try  to  get  you,  or  any  other  one,  to  adopt  my  standard  as 
their  own.  God  requires  of  you  the  same  individuality  that 
he  is  developing  in  me.  God  grant  that  you  may  be  saved 
the  fiery  furnace  I  am  compelled  to  go  through  to  bring  it  out. 

I  do  not  know  where  these  things  are  to  end,  but  my  trust 
in  God  is  lifting  my  soul  above  all  anxiety  or  fear  of  evil. 
If  you  can  do  anything  for  me,  do  it,  and  you  shall  have  my 
most  grateful  thanks  forever. 

Your  loving  sister,  ELIZABETH. 

I  have  no  reason  to  think  this  letter  was  ever  sent.  Like 
my  other  letters  generally,  the  Doctor  otherwise  disposed 
of  it. 

And  here  it  may  be  due  my  two  brothers  to  state,  that  they 
both,  like  my  father,  sustained  this  conspiracy  for  too  long  a 
time,  through  the  misrepresentations  of  Mr.  Packard.  But 
like  him,  they  did  it  ignorantly,  not  wilfully;  for  just  as  soon 
as  they  saw  me,  and  had  an  opportunity  to  judge  for  them- 
selves, they  both  became  my  valiant  defenders,  both  publicly 
and  privately,  and  have  ever  since  seemed  determined,  by 
their  extra  kindness  to  me,  to  make  all  the  restitution  the 
gospel  requires,  as  evidence  of  sincere  repentance.  Of 
course,  I  have  long  since,  most  freely  forgiven  them,  for  to 
me,  they  are  like  what  Lazarus  was  to  his  sisters,  "  raised 
from  the  dead."  This  temporary  death  of  their  natural  affec- 
tions seems  to  have  been  quickened  into  a  new,  higher,  deep- 
er, and  tenderer  love  for  me  than  ever  before. 

But  to  sister  Mary,  my  brother  Samuel's  wife,  is  due  the 
highest  compliment,  for  she  is  one  of  the  precious  few  who 
escaped  the  psychological  influence  of  this  learned  and  pop- 
ular minister,  my  husband,  in  that  he  could  never,  for  one 
moment,  convince  her  that  I  was  an  insane  person.  She, 


MKS.  TIMMONS.  199 

with  my  adopted  sister,  Mrs.  Angeline  Field,  of  Granville, 
Illinois,  both  stood  erect  before  this  minister,  on  their  version 
of  his  statements,  in  maintaining  their  own  individual  opin- 
ions respecting  my  sanity.  But  sister  Angeline,  I  am  happy 
to  say,  had  her  husband,  Mr.  David  Field,  to  encourage  and 
sustain  her  in  defending  my  sanity;  while  sister  Mary  had  her 
husband  to  combat,  in  defending  me. 


XLV. 
Old  Mrs.  Timmons  Deserted  by  Her  Children. 

This  lady  was  brought  to  the  Asylum  about  one  year  and 
a  half  before  I  left.  For  several  months  she  occupied  the 
same  ward  with  me,  and  from  the  day  she  was  entered  she  was 
my  daily  companion.  I  took  pleasure  in  her  society  as  she 
seemed  perfectly  sane,  and  sorely  afflicted  at  the  fact  that  her 
friends  would  not  let  her  remain  with  them  at  home.  She 
was  above  sixty  years  of  age,  but  showed  no  signs  of  prema- 
ture old  age  or  ill  health.  The  longer  I  saw  her,  the  greater 
was  my  astonishment  that  she  should  be  called  insane. 

From  her  I  learned  the  reason  she  was  imprisoned  was,  that 
one  night  she  got  up  in  a  sonambulic  state  and  went  to  her 
son's  bed,  and  inflicted  two  blows  upon  his  cheek  with  an  axe. 
This  her  friends  regarded  as  evidence  of  insanity,  although  she 
had  no  recollection  or  knowledge  of  doing  so. 

This  son  brought  her  to  the  Asylum,  and  the  dreadful  scar 
on  his  cheek  authenticated  her  statement.  She  always  ex- 
pressed the  keenest  sorrow  and  the  most  true  penitence  for 
having  done  this  dreadful  deed,  for  this  was  her  favorite  son. 
She  was  willing  to  do  anything  possible  to  atone  for  it,  if  she 
could  but  live  at  home  with  her  dear  children.  She  begged 
to  be  locked  up  nights  by  herself,  lest  she  do  an  injury  again 
to  some  one,  but  she  could  not  bear  to  be  put  into  this  terri- 
ble place  to  spend  her  days  as  a  criminal,  when  no  one  regret- 


200  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

ted  the  deed  being  done  more  than  herself.  The  thought  of 
having  thus  harmed  her  darling  child  was  agony  enough,  as 
she  thought,  to  make  atonement  for  the  deed,  without  suffer- 
ing this  awful  penalty. 

Mrs.  Timmonshad  already  endured  one  term  of  nine  months 
imprisonment  for  this  act,  in  an  Asylum  in  Indianapolis,  where 
she  assured  me  the  inmates  were  treated  no  better  than  they 
are  at  Jacksonsonville,  and  her  friends  knew  that  she  had 
much  rather  be  buried  than  to  be  put  into  another  such  insti- 
tution. Yet,  they  could  tell  her  she  was  not  going  into  an 
Asylum,  but  only  going  to  consult  a  physician  about  her  health, 
and  thus  they  decoyed  her  behind  another  "dead  lock,"  to  be 
free  no  more  !  As  I  listened  to  her  expression  of  hopeless 
agony  uttered  when  sure  the  Doctor  could  not  hear,  I  could 
not  but  feel  that  the  custom  of  professedly  barbarous  nations, 
which  allows  the  aged  and  infirm  to  be  left  in  the  woods  to  be 
eaten  by  wild  beasts,  was  not  so  barbarous  a  custom  as  this 
mode  of  disposing  of  unwelcome  citizens,  which  the  civilization 
of  the  nineteenth  century  has  rendered  popular  ;  for  the  lin- 
gering protracted  tortures  of  dying  in  this  institution,  are  far 
more  to  be  dreaded  than  the  shorter  quicker  mode  of  being 
devoured  by  wild  beasts .  Indeed ,  I  often  heard  this  distressed 
woman  express  this  preference  in  these  words,  "  0,  if  Icould 
only  live  under  a  fence,  for  my  home,  rather  than  here,  I  would 
rejoice  in  the  exchange  !  anything  or  everything  would  I 
give  for  my  liberty !  any  death  would  be  sweet  to  such  a  life 
as  this  1"  And  yet  this  is  a  Christian  institution  ! 

Her  maternal  feelings  reached  such  a  pitch  of  agony  that 
it  was  to  relieve  her  I  consented  to  write  the  following  letter 
for  her,  which  I  sent  to  her  friends  on  my  "underground  ex- 
press" April  26,  1862. 

"INSANE  ASYLUM,  January  29,  1862. 

My  Dear  Children:  My  heart  is  almost  broken  in  conse- 
quence of  the  course  you  have  taken  towards  me.  Do  write 
and  explain  yourselves,  or  what  would  be  better,  come  and 
tell  me,  for  as  I  now  feel,  it  seems  to- me  I  shall  soon  grieve 
myself  to  death.  Why  could  you  not  take  care  of  your  poor 


MBS.  TIMMONS;  201 

afflicted  mother  yourselves^  arid  not  again  trust  me  with 
strangers  where  you  know  I  have  suffered  so  much.  0,  do 
tell  me  why  you  have  treated  me  so.  You  know  I  told  you 
I  was  willing  to  live  in  a  room  by  myself,  locked  up  both  day 
and  night  if  you  were  afraid  of  me,  if.  you  would  only  let  me 
live  at  home  and  take  care  of  me  yourselves. 

You  know  too  I  have  always  done  just  as  you  told  me  with- 
out objecting  in  the  least,  and  now  how  can  you  put  me  off  so 
again?  Did  not  John  tell  me  he  had  forgiven  me  for  injur- 
ing him?  and  have  I  ever  attempted  to  injure  any  one  else  ? 
Is  it  not  punishing  me  more  than  I  deserve  to  imprison  me 
twice  for  the  same  thing,  when  you  say  I  was  not  to  blame  for 
doing  it  as  I  did  ? 

You  treat  me  worse  than  if  I  was  a  convict,  for  they  do 
not  deceive  them,  but  tell  them  plainly,  what  they  imprison 
them  for,  and  for  how  long  a  time  they  must  bear  their  pun- 
ishment. But  this  time  you  did  not  even  tell  me  why  you 
imprisoned  me,  nor  do  I  know  that  you  ever  intend  to  trust 
me  with  you  again!  0,  I  shall  die  of  grief  before  long,  unless 
you  do  something  to  alleviate  my  heart  sorrows.  I  could  not 
treat  you  as  you  have  me,  and  0,  how  could  you  punish  me 
so  severely  for  doing  a  sinless  act? 

0,  children,  am  I  in  danger  of  perpetuating  my  imprison- 
ment by  revealing  to  you  the  inmost  feelings  of  my  heart?  If 
so,  what  shall  I  do  ?  If  my  own  children  will  not  relieve 
their  agonized  mother,  when  it  is  so  easy  for  them  to  do  so,  by 
simply  taking  me  home,  I  do  not  know  what  I  shall  do. 

The  hope  that  you  will  do  so  as  soon  as  you  consistently 
can,  after  getting  this  letter,  will  sustain  me,  till  then,  and 
when  that  hope  is  gone  it  seems  to  me  I  shall  die  truly. 

Do  not  delay  one  day,  for  you  can  not  imagine  how  long 
time  seems  here  ;  one  day  seems  like  a  month  elsewhere.  It 
is  not  that  I  am  abused  physically,  for  I  am  not.  It  is  not 
this  which  causes  my  suffering,  but  the  thought  of  your 
treating  your  old  mother  as  you  are  which  is  killing  me.  Yes 
killing  me  !  For,  my  sake  do  not  let  the  Doctor  know  of  my 
sending  you  this  letter.  Your  Mother. 

12  M.  A.  TIMMONS." 


202  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

But  I  am  sorry  to  say  that  her  relatives,  did  let  the  Doctor 
know  of  it,  and  did  nothing  else  to  relieve  her  !  The  Doctor 
then  removed  her  to  another  ward  to  cut  off  her  commuica- 
tion  with  me,  suspecting  that  I  had  helped,  in  some  way,  to 
get  her  letter  out.  I  retained  a  copy  of  this  letter  in  my  jour- 
nal, and  give  it  to  the  public-  that  my  readers  may  see  what 
feelings  the  Asylum  discipline  produces.  Is  it  right  to  thus 
punish  for  a  misfortune  ? 

Her  children  came  to  visit  her-twice  while  I  was  there,  and 
although  they  found  her  working  like  a  slave  for  the  Asylum 
and  Dr.  McFarland's  family,  and  never  having  shown  the  least 
abberration  of  mind,  they  would  leave  her,  with  the  promise  that 
just  as  soon  as  they  could  get  a  room  prepared  for  her  in  the  new 
house,  they  were  building  with  her  own  money,  (they  were 
rich)  they  would  take  her  home.  They  told  her  the  room 
would  be  ready  in  about  three  weeks,  and  although  nearly 
six  years  have  already  elapsed,  this  promise  remains  unful- 
filled !  The  mother  who  bore  them  and  earned  for  them  the 
comforts  of  their  own  homes,  is  still  left  to  pine  away,  a 
prisoner's  life  of  rayless  comfort,  doing  the  cooking  in  the 
Doctor's  kitchen.  When  these  children  become  old  and  gray 
headed,  how  will  they  like  to  have  their  children  treat  them 
as  they  are  treating  their  mother?  "  With  what  measure  ye 
mete,  it  shall  be  measured  to  you  again.". 


XLYI. 
Mrs.  Cheneworth's  Suicide— Medical  abuse. 

Mrs.  Chene worth  hung  herself  in  her  own  room,  after 
retiring  from  the  dancing  party,  last  night.  Her  measure  of 
grace  was  not  sufficient  to  enable  her  to  bear  the  accumulated 
burdens  of  her  hard  fate  any  longer,  without  driving  her  to 
desperation.  I  can  not  blame  her  for  deliberately  preferring 
death,  to  such  a  life  as  she  has  been  experiencing  in  this 
Asylum.  She  has  literally  been  driven  to  it  by  abuse. 

She  was  entered   in  my  ward,  where  she  remained  for  sev- 


MRS.  CHENEWORTH.  203 

eral  weeks,  when  she  was  removed  to  the  lowest  ward,  where 
she  has  been  murdered  by  slow  tortures.  If  this  Institution 
is  not  responsible  for  the  life  of  Mrs.  Cheneworth,  then  I 
don't  know  what  murder  is.  She  was  evidently  insane  when 
she  entered  ;  she  was  not  responsible,  although  her  reason 
was  not  entirely  dethroned.  Her  moral  nature  was  keenly 
sensitive  ;  her  power  of  self-control  was  crushed  by  disease 
and  medical  maltreatment.  She  resisted  until  she  evidently 
saw  it  was  useless  to  expect  justice,  and  was  just  crushed  be- 
neath this  powerful  despotism. 

She  was  a  lovely  woman,  fitted  both  by  nature  and  educa- 
tion to  be  an  ornament  to  society  and  her  family.  Gentle 
and  confiding,  with  a  high  sense  of  honor  and  self-respect, 
she  despised  all  degrading  associations.  From  her  own  rep- 
resentations, I  inferred  she  had  been  the  pet  and  pride  of  her 
parents — a  kind  of  household  god  in  her  father's  family. 
Under  these  benign  influences,  her  virtues  were  fostered,  and 
she  had  the  satisfaction  of  being  loved  and  appreciated.  She 
had  been  quite  a  belle,  and  finally  from  her  many  admirers, 
she  married  one  of  her  own,  but  not  of  her  parents'  choice. 
In  him  she  seemed  to  have  found  everything  her  heart  could 
desire.  He  both  loved  and  appreciated  her,  as  well  he  might. 
She  was  small,  delicately  and  gracefully  formed,  and  peculiarly 
ladylike  in  her  manners.  She  was  a  most  accomplished  dan- 
cer, having  been  trained  in  the  school  of  the  best  French 
dancers  in  the  country.  Her  complexion  white  and  clear, 
with  regular  features,  black,  but  mild  and  tender  eyes,  her' 
hair  was  long,  black,  and  beautiful.  In  short,  she  was  a  little, 
beautiful,  fawn-like  creature,  when  she  came  to  this  Institu- 
tion. She  had  been  here  a  short  time  once  before,  after  the 
birth  of  her  first  child ;  and  from  her  account  I  inferred  that 
her  restoration  to  reason  was  not  then  attended  with  the  grim 
spectre  of  horrors  which  must  have  inevitably  accompanied 
this. 

She  had  left  a  young  babe,  this  time,  which  her  physician 
advised  her  to  wean,  since  she  was  now  in  a  delicate  condi- 
tion. Thus  her  overtasked  physical  nature,  abused  as  it  was 


204  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

by  bad  medical  treatment,  added  to  the  double  burden  she 
was  called  to  endure,  could  not  sustain  the  balance  of  her 
mental  faculties.  Her  nerves  were  unstrung,  and  lost  their 
natural  tone  by  the  influence  of  opium,  that  most  deadly  foe 
of  nature,  which  evidently  caused  her  insanity.  The  opium 
was  expected  to  operate  as  a  quietus  to  her  then  excited 
nervous  system ;  but  instead  of  this,  it  only  increased  her 
nervous  irritability.  The  amount  was  then  increased,  and 
this  course  persisted  in,  until  her  system  became  drunk,  as  it 
were,  by  its  influence.  The  effect  produced  was  like  that  of 
excessive  drinking,  when  it  causes  delirium  tremens.  Thus 
she  became  a  victim  to  that  absurd  practice  of  the  medical 
profession,  which  depends  upon  poisons  instead  of  nature  to 
cure  disease. 

It  is  not  natural  to  cure  disease  by  creating  disease.  To 
poison  nature,  is  not  the  natural  way  to  eradicate  poison  from 
the  system.  To  load  nature  with  additional  burdens,  is  not 
the  way  to  lighten  its  burdens.  But  common  sense  dictates 
that  the  natural  way  to  aid  nature  in  throwing  off  her  dis- 
eases, is  to  strengthen  the  powers  of  healing,  and  thereby 
directly  assist  her  in  curing  disease.  And  nature's  energies 
are  strengthened,  renewed  and  nourished  by  rest,  quiet,  sleep, 
food,  air,  cleanliness,  freedom,  exercise,  etc.;  and  medical 
skill  consists  in  adapting  these  agencies  to  their  peculiar 
functions,  so  that  the  special  want  of  nature  may  be  met  by 
its  natural  supply. 

What  Mrs.  Cheneworth  wanted  was,  the  nourishment  of 
her  exhausted  physical  nature,  by  rest,  food,  air,  and  exer- 
cise. She  did  not  need  to  have  the  powers  of  her  system 
thrown  into  confusion  by  taxing  them  with  poisons,  which 
nature  must  either  counteract  and  resist,  or  be  overcome  by 
them,  and  sink  into  death.  Nature  was  importuning  for  help 
to  bear  her  burdens,  being  already  overtasked.  But  instead 
of  listening  to  these  demands,  her  blinded  friends  allowed  her 
to  be  thus  medically  abused.  After  having  suffered  her  to 
receive  this  treatment,  and  thus  brought  into  a  still  worse 
condition — an  insane  state — when  more  than  ever  she  needed 


MRS.  CHENEWORTH.  205 

help  and  the  most  tender,  watchful  care;  then  to  be  cast  off 
in  her  helplessness  upon  strangers,  who  knew  nothing  of  her 
character,  her  habits,  her  propensities,  her  cravings,  her  dis- 
position, or  her  constitution;  how  could  they  reasonably 
expect  her  to  thus  receive  the  care  necessary  to  her  recov- 
ery? They  probably  did  expect  it,  and  on  this  false  expec- 
tation placed  her  here  for  appropriate  medical  treatment. 

What  a  delusion  the  world  is  laboring  under,  to  expect 
such  treatment  here  !  Did  they  but  know  the  truth,  they 
would  find  that  ail  the  "medical  treatment"  they  get  here, 
is  to  lock  them  up !  and  thus  having  hidden  them  from  obser- 
vation, and  cut  them  off  from  all  communication  with  their 
friends,  they  then  inflict  upon  them  what  they  consider  con- 
dign punishment  for  being  insane  !  Why  can  not  their  friends 
bestow  upon  them  this  "  medical  treatment"  at  home,  without 
the  expense  of  sending  them  to  this  Asylum  to  get  it?  This 
is  the  sum  and  substance  of  all  the  "  treatment "  they  get 
here,  which  they  could  not  get  at  home — that  is,  they  could 
not  get  this  treatment  from  reasonable  friends,  any  where,  out- 
side of  these  inquisitorial  institutions.  How  doleful  is  this 
purgatory !  thus  legally  upheld  for  the  punishment  of  the  in- 
nocent! Great  God  !  Is  this  Institution  located  within  the 
province  of  thy  just  government  ?  or  is  this  Satan's  seat,  that 
has  not  yet  been  subjected  to  thy  omnipotent  power? 

Mrs.  Cheneworth  is  only  one  among  many,  many  others 
which  her  case  represents.  During  the  few  weeks  she  was 
in  my  ward,  after  she  first  came,  she  was  kindly  treated. 
Perhaps  her  own  parents  could  not  have  done  better  by  her, 
than  did  Miss  Tomlin  and  Miss  McKelva,  so  far  as  their  lim- 
ited powers  extended.  They  could  not  grant  her  that  liberty 
and  freedom  she  so  panted  for,  nor  could  they  gratify  her 
longings  to  see  her  own  offspring,  and  bestow  upon  them  the 
love  of  her  maternal  heart ;  nor  could  they  bring  to  her  the 
sympathy  of  her  fond  mother,  for  which  she  so  ardently 
longed;  neither  could  they  summon  to  her  side  her  husband — 
her  chosen  protector — who  had  sworn  before  God  never  to 
forsake  her  in  sickness  or  in  health,  although  it  was  hor  most 


206  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

earnest  wish  that  he  might  come  and  see  for  himself,  her  con- 
dition. No,  neither  of  these  influences  could  these  attend- 
ants summon  for  her  relief  or  benefit ;  but  so  far  as  the  ward 
duties  extended,  they  did  as  well  by  her  as  they  could. 

I  never  saw  either  of  them  get  the  least  angry  or  impatient 
towards  her,  although  she  tried  them  exceedingly  by  her  an- 
tics. They  seemed  to  feel  that  instead  of  getting  angry  at 
an  insane  person,  they  were  placed  here  to  "bear  the  in- 
firmities of  the  weak,  and  not  to  please  themselves."  Yes 
I  feel  that  they  have  nothing  to  dread  in  the  revelations  of 
Mrs.  Cheneworth's  Asylum  discipline.  Of  each  of  them  I 
trust  the  Judge  will  say,  "  she  hath  done  what  she  could"  for 
her  suffering  sister.  These  attendants  are  highly  cultivated, 
well  developed  women,  who  could  enter  into  Mrs.  Chene- 
worths  feelings,  and  sympathise  with  her  in  her  trials.  They 
not  only  knew  how  to  treat  her  nature,  but  their  principles 
controlled  their  feelings,  so  that  her  trials  might  not  be  in- 
creased by  any  injudicious  act  on  their  part.  Neither  did  they 
seem  to  despise  her  for  being  so  sorely  afflicted,  but  pitied  and 
longed  to  help  her. 

Alas  !  for  poor  Mrs.  Cheneworth  !  her  days  for  reasonable 
treatment  expired  when  she  was  removed  to  the  lowest  ward, 
and  consigned  to  the  care  of  Elizabeth  Bonner.  This  attend- 
ant was  a  perfect  contrast  to  her  former  attendants  in  charac- 
ter, disposition,  and  habits.  She  was  a  large,  coarse,  stout 
Irish  woman,  stronger  than  most  men  ;  of  quick  temper,  very 
easily  thrown  off  its  balance,  when,  for  the  time  being,  she 
would  be  a  perfect  demon,  lost  to  all  traces  of  humanity. 
Her  manners  were  very  coarse  and  masculine,  a  loud  and 
boisterous  talker,  and  a  great  liar,  with  no  education,  and 
could  neither  read  nor  write. 

To  this  vile  ignorant  woman  was  Mrs.  Cheneworth  entrust- 
ed, to  treat  her  just  as  her  own  feelings  dictated.  Miss  Bon- 
ner's  first  object  was  to  "  subdue  her,"  that  is,  to  break  down 
her  aspiring  feelings,  and  bring  her  into  a  state  of  cringing 
submission  to  her  dictation.  Here  was  a  contest  between  her 
naturally  refined  instincts,  and  Miss  Bonner's  unrefined  and 


MRS.  CHENE  WORTH.  207 

coarse  nature.  Any  manifestation  of  the  lady-like  nature  of 
Mrs.  Cheneworth,  was  met  by  its  opposite  in  Miss  Bonner's 
servant-like  nature  and  position,  and  she  must  lord  it  over  this 
gentle  lady.  The  position  of  the  latter,  as  a  boarder,  must  at 
her  beck,  be  exchanged,  by  her  being  made  to  feel  that  she 
was  nothing  but  a  slave  and  menial.  If  she  ventured  to  re- 
monstrate against  this  wanton  usurpation  of  authority  over 
her,  she  could  only  expect  to  receive  physical  abuse,  such  as 
she  was  poorly  able  to  bear.  And  0  I  the  black  tale  of  wrongs 
and  cruel  tortures  this  tender  woman  experienced  at  the  hand 
of  this  giant  like  tyrant  no  tongue  or  pen  can  ever  describe  ! 
She  was  choked,  pounded,  kicked,  and  plunged  under  water, 
until  well  nigh  strangled  to  death.  Mrs.  Coe  assured  me  this 
was  only  a  specimen  of  the  kind  of  treatment  all  were  liable 
to  receive  at  her  hands,  since  she  claimed  that  this  was  the  way 
to  cure  them  !  and  this  she  insisted  upon,  was  what  she  was 
put  here  to  do.  Being  strong,  she  was  peculiarly  adapted  to 
her  place,  since  no  woman  or  man  could  grapple  with  her  suc- 
cessfully. 

This  is  the  attendant  who  so  often  made  it  her  boast  that 
Dr.  McFarland  let  her  do  with  the  patients  just  as  she  chose 
— that  her  judgement,  her  feelings,  and  her  temper  could  be 
trusted  in  all  cases  !  0,  what  is  thereof  injury  and  physical 
abuse  that  this  institution  will  not  have  to  answer  for,  which 
has  not  been  inflicted  by  brutal  attendants  ;  while  Dr.  Mc- 
Farland has  sustained  them  by  knowingly  approving  of  these 
things  ?  I  do  not  believe  the  Trustees  would  knowingly  ap- 
prove of  these  things.  But  Dr.  McFarland's  statements  are 
regarded  by  them  as  infallibly  correct,  and  as  he  represents 
the  treatment  here  bestowed  upon  the  patient,  they  doubtless 
feel  confident  that  they  are  humanely  treated.  But  did  they 
know,  what  I  know,  I  believe  they  would  disapprove  of  it, 
and  not  like  Dr.  McFarland,  try  to  cover  it  up,  lest  the  inter- 
ests of  the  institution  be  jeopardized  by  the  investigation. 
The  facts  I  have  already  placed  before  them  in  a  written  form, 
would  of  themselves  arouse  their  interest  and  summon  their 
immediate  investigation,  did  they  not,  so  implicitly  rely  upon 


208  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  Doctor's  contradiction  as  proof  of  their  fallacy  !  In  this 
way  they  are  believing  lies,  and  under  this  delusion,  they  are 
not  only  winking  at  iniquities,  but  publicly  sustaining  them. 
It  is  in  their  power  to  ascertain  the  truth,  did  they  feel  deter- 
mined to  know  for  themselves.  But  this  investigation  would 
be  attended  with  more  trouble  and  inconvenience  than  it  is  to 
let  it  go  on.  and  thereby  these  slothful  servants  of  the  public 
are  justly  held  responsible  for  the  wickedness  of  this  house. 
0,  what  will  the  end  be  ?  0,  sword  !  awake  for  our  defense 
and  deliver  us  out  of  the  hands  of  our  persecutors  ! 

Poor  Mrs.  Cheneworth  could  not  await  this  retribution,  but 
was  driven  to  seek  the  only  defense  within  her  reach,  death,  yes 
death,  the  most  dreaded  of  all  evils,  was  chosen  rather  than 
such  a  life  as  she  was  doomed  to  endure  under  the  rule  ot  this  in- 
quisition. I  can  not,  no,  I  cannot  blame  her  for  killing  her- 
self. I  do  not  think  God  will  blame  her.  She  was  like  one 
who  deliberately  rushed  into  the  flames^  to  escape  the  barbed 
arrows  of  an  invincible  foe.  She  only  chose  the  quicker, 
rather  than  the  lingering,  agonizing  death,  to  which  she  seem- 
ed inevitably  doomed  to  suffer,  at  the  hands  of  Elizabeth 
Bonner. 

The  last  time  I  saw  Mrs.  Cheneworth  was  at  the  dance, 
after  which  she  hung  herself,  being  found  suspended  from  the 
upper  part  of  her  window  by  the  facing  of  her  dress.  I  never 
saw  a  person  so  changed.  I  did  not  know  her  when  Miss 
Bonner  introduced  me  to  her  that  evening.  0,  such  a  hag- 
gard look  !  such  despair  and  wretchedness  as  her  countenance 
reflected,  I  have  never  witnessed.  My  feelings  were  touched. 
I  asked  her  to  go  with  me,  and  putting  my  arm  around  her 
waist,  she  walked  with  me  across  the  ward  to  the  window 
looking  South.  Here  we  conversed  confidentially,  freely. 
She  said,  "  0,  Mrs.  Packard,  I  have  suffered  everything  but 
death  since  we  were  parted  !" 

"But  how  has  your  face  become  so  disfigured  by  sores,  and 
what  causes  your  eyes  to  be  so  inflamed?" 

"I  fainted,  and  fell  down  stairs,  and  they  poured  camphor 
so  profusely  over  my  face,  and  into  my  eyes  and  ears,  that  I 
v--Q>  jn  c^T-vr-  -xUOT^~,  'Ven  blind  and  deaf  for  somo  time." 


MRS.  CHENEWORTH.  209 

I  do  not  know  whether  her  chin,  which  was  red  and  raw, 
was  thus  caused  or  not.  She  said  the  fall  had  caused  her  to 
miscarry,  and  thus,  thought  I,  you  have  had  to  bear  this 
burden  in  addition  to  the  load  of  sorrows  already  heaped  upon 
your  tender,  weak  person.  Said  I,  "Have  you  any  hope  of 
getting  out  of  this  place — of  ever  being  taken  to  your  friends?" 

"No  1  none  at  all !  Hopeless,  endless  torment  is  all  that  is 
before  me  !  0,  if  I  could  only  get  out  of  this  place,  I  would 
walk  to  my  father's  house.  It  is  only  fourteen  miles  south, 
here,"  pointing  out  of  the  window,  "but  0,  these  iron  bars  1 
I  can  not  escape  through  them." 

How  I  did  pity  her  !  But  I  could  only  say,  as  I  do  to  oth- 
ers, "  Do  try  to  be  patient  as  you  can ;  for  I  do  hope  this 
house  will  not  long  stand,  and  that  in  its  destruction,  we  may 
be  delivered  out  of  this  place  of  torment."  I  had  no  other 
tangible  hope  to  offer  her  drooping  heart,  already  deadly  sick 
from  hope  too  long  deferred.  She  said,  "I  wish  I  could  get 
into  the  ward  with  you ;  I  will  ask  Dr.  McFarland,  to-morrow, 
to  remove  me  there." 

"  Alas !  "  thought  I,  "  no  request  of  yours  will  be  heeded, 
as  a  source  of  relief  to  you ;  for  it  is  not  to  relieve,  but  to 
torment  you,  that  you  are  kept  here.  0,  could  I  but  inform 
your  parents  of  their  dear  daughter's  sad  fate,  surely  they 
would  come  to  your  rescue."  Then  I  thought  of  the  letter  I 
had  sent  to  Mrs.  Timmons'  friends  in  her  behalf,  and  how, 
like  deaf  adders,  they  would  not  hear,  or  would  not  believe 
my  statements,  unless  endorsed  by  Dr.  McFarland.  I  turned 
away,  sick  at  heart,  at  sight  of  woes  I  could  not  mitigate  or 
remove.  0,  when  will  the  prisoner's  bonds  be  loosed  and  the 
lawful  captive  be  delivered?  Notwithstanding,  I  think  I 
offered  to  intercede  for  her,  while,  at  the  same  time,  I  knew 
it  would  be  utterly  fruitless,  as  I  have  so  often  tried  reason, 
argument  and  entreaty,  only  to  find  it  useless. 

"Yes,  Sister,  I  can  not  but  congratulate  you  on  what  I 
believe  to  be  your  happy  exchange  ;  for  1  do  not  think  you 
can  find,  in  all  the  universe,  a  worse  place  of  torment  than 
you  found  here.  May'st  thou  find  that  rest  in  death  that  was 
denied  thee  on  earth  I  " 


210  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Here  we  leave  Mrs.  Cheneworth,  and  turn  with  sorrowing 
hearts,  to  the  group  of  bereaved  ones  at  home — those  fondly 
loved  ones,  who  have  thus  been  called  to  lay  upon  the  altar 
of  sacrifice,  this  precious  victim.  0,  could  you  have  forseen 
her  sad  fate,  would  you  thus  willingly  have  laid  her  upon  such 
an  altar?  No,  you  would  not.  You  could  not,  and  lay  claim 
to  your  humanity.  You  are  not  hard  hearted  and  cruel  to- 
wards this  loved  idol  of  your  fondest  affections.  No,  you 
would  have  cherished  her  with  the  tenderest  care  at  home, 
had  you  thought  it  would  have  promoted  her  best  good. 
Your  hearts,  I  doubt  not,  wept  the  bitterest  tears  at  the 
thought  of  being  compelled  to  place  her  in  an  Insane  Asylum. 
But  these  tears  could  not  remove  the  necessity  which  you 
felt  you  had  for  so  doing.  Had  you  not  reason  in  your  own 
mind  for  believing  that  Insane  Asylums  were  established  for 
the  benefit  of  the  insane?  Did  you  not  suppose  they  had  a 
competent  medical  faculty  there,  who  knew  better  than  your- 
selves, how  to  treat  such  cases?  Yes,  so  you  thought,  as  you 
ought  to  have  had  reason  to  think. 

But  alas  I  for  a  blinded  public  !  Alas !  for  man  who  is 
placed  under  an  irresponsible  human  power.  Such  power, 
man  is  not  fitted  to  be  trusted  with.  Despotism  too  soon 
usurps  the  rule  of  reason  and  kindness,  and  might  takes  the 
place  of  right.  Authority  supplants  kindness,  truth,  and 
honesty.  After  this  love  of  domineering  has  once  taken 
possession  of  the  human  soul,  it  can  only  be  held  by  sinister, 
artful  policy.  Helplessness,  weakness,  and  dependence  are 
the  virgin  soil  where  tyranny  and  despotism  hold  their  most 
resistless  sway.  But  under  the  influence  of  our  free  govern- 
ment, power  would  probably  cope  with  it  successfully  ;  there- 
fore its  policy  consists  in  cutting  off  these  victims  from  access 
to  any  power  by  which  they  would  be  exposed  and  dethroned. 
Therefore,  they  not  only  prevent  communications  with  their 
friends  while  here,  but  forestall  their  confidence  in  their  state- 
ments after  'they  get  out,  assuring  them  they  were  so  insane 
while  here  that  they  can  not  report  correctly,  and  therefore 
their  representations  must  be  listened  to  as  mere  phantoms  of 


CHANGES.  211 

a  diseased   imagination.     Therefore,    their   friends   hear   as 
though  they  heard  not. 

But  the  hitherto  blinded  public  can  no  longer  plead  igno- 
rance as  an  excuse  for  not  grappling  successfully  with  this 
legalized  despostism.  No;  the  Legislature  of  this  State  are 
already  informed,  through  their  own  Committee,  of  the  im- 
perative need  of  such  enactments,  as  shall  hereafter  forever 
prevent  such  abuse  of  power,  by  any  future  Superintendent,  as 
their  present  incumbent  is  found  to  be  notoriously  guilty  of. 


XLYII 
Changes,  and  how  brought  abont. 

After  occupying  the  old  Eighth  ward  about  a  year,  we  were 
all  summarily  ordered  to  move  into  the  new  Eighth.  During 
the  summer  of  1861,  this  new  and  airy  part  of  the  building 
was  my  home,  although  the  patients  were  not  materially 
changed  in  character.  Again,  in  the  last  of  the  autumn,  we 
were  all  moved  into  the  old  Seventh.  Now  the  class  of  pa- 
tients was  changed  to  a  more  quiet  class,  and  some  of  them, 
like  Mrs.  Timmons,  sane  and  intelligent.  Besides,  we  were 
now  taking  our  meals  in  the  dining  room  of  the  new  Sev- 
enth— the  class  of  prisoners  I  associated  with,  the  first  four 
months. 

.1  felt  that  I  was  in  the  region  of  the  intelligent  world 
again,  for  part  of  the  occupants  of  the  new  Seventh,  were 
just  as  sane  as  most  boarding  school  girls,  or  hotel  boarders, 
generally.  I  seldom  saw  anything  here,  that  would,  outside 
of  an  Asylum,  be  considered  insanity,  or  anything  like  it. 

I  can  assure  my  reader  that  I  was  fully  prepared  to  appre- 
ciate a  return  to  civilized  society,  and  this  change  was,  there- 
fore, to  me  a  harbinger  of  good  things.  I  could  talk  with 
my  old  associates  at  the  other  table,  while  at  the  table,  and 
our  fare  and  table  arrangements  were  much  alike  now,  which, 
of  course,  was  a  great  improvement  on  our  former  -+~l-  T 


212  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

was  allowed  a  good  room  by  myself,  and  this  being  the  first 
time  for  one  year  I  had  enjoyed  this  privilege,  I  felt  that  I 
had  much  to  be  thankful  for. 

Another  change  affecting  my  prison  life,  took    place  about 

two  months    after  Miss  M got    permission  to    take  me  to 

ride,  which  occasioned  the  prison  doors  to  be  closed  entirely 
upon  me.  I  felt  it  my  duty  to-  enter  a  protest  against  my 
imprisonment,  and  in  doing  so,  I  asked  Dr.  Sturtevant,  our 
Chaplain,  to  be  my  witness  in  the  reception  room.  It  was 
Sabbath,  after  chapel  service  that  I  went  to  him  and  asked 
him  to  meet  me  in  the  reception  room.  He  consented,  and 
we  parted,  he  going  down  with  Dr.  McFarland  and  Dr.  Tenny 
one  flight  of  stairs,  while  I  went  down  the  opposite.  When 
I  was  about  two  thirds  of  the  way  down,  Dr.  McFarland  met 
me,  and  seizing  my  arm,  ordered  me  back  to  my  ward.  I 
remained  motionless.  He  then  applied  force,  saying,  "  Have 
you  no  feet  ?" 

"I  have  no  feet  to  walk  into  prison  with,"  said  I. 

He  then  tried  to  drag  me  back  ;  but  when  he  saw  Dr. 
Sturtevant  looking  at  us,  he  let  go  his  hold  of  my  arm,  and  I 
dropped  from  his  grasp  upon  the  floor  below.  He  followed, 
and  passed  me  without  speaking,  and  joined  Dr.  Sturtevant 
and  Dr.  Tenny,  where,  after  a  short  consultation,  they  passed 
down  the  stairs,  while  I  still  sat  upon  the  floor.  The  fall  had 
so  stunned  me,  that  for  a  few  moments  I  hardly  knew  whether 
I  could  rise  or  not,  but  when  I  saw  the  three  men  who  ought 
to  be  my  protectors,  and  helpers,  under  such  circumstances 
forsake  me,  I  began  to  try  my  powers  of  self-dependence,  and 
found  I  could  not  only  rise  myself,  but  could  also  stand  alone 
too,  without  a  man  to  lean  upon!  Strong  in  my  own  self- 
reliant  strength,  I  hastened  to  meet  my  appointment  with  our 
chaplain  in  the  reception  room  below,  but  found  no  one  there. 
Nothing  daunted  by  this  failure  on  Dr.  Sturtevant's  part,  I 
walked  into  the  office  and  met  the  whole  trio  there.  But  for 
some  unknown  cause,  Dr.  McFarland  seemed  unwilling  to  face 
me,  but,  coward  like,  shall  I  say?  fled  out  of  my  presence. 
The  other  two  gentlemen  did  not  run  away,  but  looked  me  full 


CHANGES.  213 

in  the   face,    while  I   entered  my   protest   in   the   following 
language : 

''  I  have  a  right  to  my  liberty  !  £sfo  law  in  the  United  States 
holds  me  legally  imprisoned !  I  assert  this  right — I  shall  never 
return  a  voluntary  prisoner  to  my  cell!"  Turning  to  Dr. 
McFarland,  who  now  stood  in  the  door- way,  I  said,  "You, 
Dr.  McFarland,  have  might  to  put  me  there,  but  no  right.  I 
assert  my  rights  from  principle.  I  believe  God  requires  me 
to  take  this  stand.  I  am  immovable  in  my  purpose.  You 
can  carry  me  to  the  ward  with  the  help  of  two  of  your  men, 
and  I  have  no  one  to  defend  me  against  this  power.  I  shall 
offer  no  resistance  to  physical  force.  Use  it  if  you  dare  I 
You  do  so  at  your  peril."  Then  handing  him  a  letter,  I  said, 
"I  request  you  to  stamp  and  mail  this  business  letter,  unread, 
to  my  son.  This  step  is  preparatory  to  a  legal  defence  of 
my  rights  at  the  bar  of  my  country." 

Then  turning  to  Dr.  Sturtevant  I  said,  "  Will  you,  Sir, 
stand  my  witness  that  I  now  assert  my  rights,  and  therefore, 
am  henceforth  an  involuntary  prisoner  here?" 

He  replied,  "I  am  your  witness." 

"  Now,  Sir,  my  business  with  you  is  done,  unless  you  wish 
to  witness  my  forced  return  to  my  ward." 

The  carriage  had  been  some  time  waiting  for  him  at  the 
door,  therefore  after  asking  me  to  excuse  him,  he  left. 

Dr.  McFarland  then  said,  "Are  you  going  to  compel  us  to 
put  you  back  into  the  ward  ?" 

"I  shall  never  return  a  voluntary  prisoner  to  my  cell." 

"Then  I  must  get  a  porter  to  take  you  back;"  and  he  went 
for  his  porter,  and  soon  returned  with  a  strong  burly  Irishman, 
Mr.  Bonner,  to  whom  he  said,  "I  want  you  to  take  this  lady 
up  to  the  Eighth  ward,  she  don't  seem  disposed  to  walk  back." 

He  then  took  me  up  in  his  arms,  but  finding  my  weight  too 
much  for  him,  I  suggested  that  they  take  me  on  a  chair,  and 
Dr.  Tenny  take  hold  with  him  This  plan  worked  well,  and 
I  was  therefore  transported  up  two  flights  of  stairs  in  this 
manner,  preceded  by  the  Doctor,  who  unlocked  the  prison 
door  to  receive  the  prisoner — and  no  one  could  ever  after  say 


214  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

that  I  was  a  voluntary  prisoner  in  Jacksonville  Insane  Asy- 
lum ;  for  from  that  time  I  never  returned  a  voluntary  prisoner 
to  my  ward.  The  Doctor  also  forbid  my  attending  chapel 
service  after  that,  so  that  I  never  was  allowed  to  step  my 
foot  on  the  ground  until  I  was  discharged.  I  never  regretted 
taking  this  step,  as  now  I  had  done  all  I  could  do  to  get  my 
liberty,  and  having  entered  my  protest,  I  was  thus  exonerated 
from  all  responsibility,  as  in  any  way  a  willing  accomplice 
in  the  conspiracy. 

There  is  one  point  in  connection  with  this  transaction, 
worthy  of  note — that  is,  that  my  falling  down  stairs  as  I  did, 
is,  in  Dr.  McFarland's  estimation,  evidence  of  insanity  in  me; 
and  he  also  maintains  that  this  is  the  only  insane  act  he  de- 
tected in  me,  during  all  my  three  years  imprisonment !  Now 
I  think  there  was  more  evidence  of  insanity  in  Dr.  McFar- 
land's conduct  in  this  transaction,  than  there  was  in  mine. 
He  ought  not  to  have  left  one  of  his  prisoners  in  my  condi- 
tion, until  he  had  so  much  as  inquired  whether  I  could  rise 
or  not.  He  did  not  know  but  my  bones  were  so  broken  that 
I  could  not.  I  think  the  Doctor's  conduct  was  ungentlemanly 
to  say  the  least,  to  treat  a  sane  lady  like  myself,  in  this  man- 
ner, and  even  if  I  had  been  insane,  it  would  have  been  no 
excuse  for  this  unmanly  conduct  towards  one  whom  he  claimed 
as  his  patient. 

The  final  change  I  experienced,  was  in  being  removed  from 
the  old  Seventh  to  the  old  Eighth  again,  after  having  enjoyed 
the  privileges  of  civilized  society  for  a  few  weeks.  This,  my 
second  consignment  to  the  maniac's  ward,  was  in  the  fol- 
lowing manner,  as  I  find  it  recorded  in  my  journal. 


NO  SURRENDER.  215 

XLVIII. 
My  Battle  with  Despotism— No  Surrender. 

The  Doctor  has  to-day  assigned  me  again  to  the  Eighth 
ward,  against  my  wishes.  Since  entering  my  protest  against 
prison  life,  no  rule  of  the  house  is  binding  upon  my  conscience, 
still,  hitherto  I  have  thought  it  best  to  break  none  in  open 
defiance  of  the  powers  that  be,  only  in  getting  paper  and 
pencils,  when  and  where  I  could,  and  in  sending  letters  on  my 
"Underground  Express."  But  this  unreasonable  sentence, 
or  mandate  I  felt  conscience  bound  to  resist,  and  I  have  done 
so  from  settled  principle.  I  claim  the  right  of  a  reasonable 
being,  in  being  influenced  in,  and  through  my  reason,  and 
henceforth,  throughout  my  whole  life,  I  am  fully  resolved  to 
resist  all  dictation,  coming  in  the  form  of  despotic  mandates 
in  defiance  of  reason. 

My  first  battle  with  despotism  was  now  to  be  fought  in  re- 
sistance to  this  unreasonable  command.  Had  the  Doctor 
given  me  one  reason  why  he  wished  me  returned  to  the 
maniac's  ward,  I  would  have  been  satisfied  to  obey  his  com- 
mand, even  if  I  did  not  see  the  propriety  of  his  reason.  But 
he  did  not,  even  when  I  asked  for  one.  The  facts  were  these. 

One  day,  after  quietly  enjoying  my  new  surroundings  for  a 
few  short  weeks,  the  Doctor  came  to  my  room  and  in  a  very 
quiet  pleasant  tone  remarked,  "Mrs.  Packard,  I  have  given 
your  letter  to  Mr.  Russell,  and  the  reply  will  depend  upon 
him  and  his  decision." 

"Thank  you,  Dr.  McFarland." 

He  then  said,  "Mrs.  Packard,  I  have  been  making  new 
arrangements — I  have  fitted  up  the  ward  above  you  clean  and 
nice,  and  I  am  to  occupy  it  with  a  quiet  class  of  patients, 
with  Miss  Smith  and  Miss  Bailey  for  attendants ;  I  have 
thought  it  best  to  have  you  go  and  occupy  the  room  above 
yours."  That  room  was  a  screen-room  ! 

I  replied,  "  I  did  request  to  go  to  the  new  Eighth,  to  my 
airy,  corner  room,  that  I  might  have  the  benefit  of  purer  air, 


216  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

since  I  am  now  so  closely  confined  within  doors,  but  I  do  not 
wish  to  go  into  the  ward  you  assign  me,  because  Miss  Smith 
is  a  cruel  attendant,  and  lam  becoming  so  extremely  sensitive 
to  wrong  and  abuse,  that  I  can  not,  nor  shall  not,  witness  it 
without  interference,  even  if  you  put  me  into  fetters  for  it." 

Here  he  remarked,  "  Perhaps  you  might  benefit  her — do 
her  good." 

"Perhaps  I  might — I  have  thought  of  that  ;  still,  I  feel 
that  I  owe  a  duty  to  myself,  also." 

Here  he  passed  on,  simply  remarking,  "I  have  decided  to 
have  you  go." 

"And  I  have  decided  not  to  go  !  It  will  be  merely  an  act 
of  brute  force  on  your  part  that  puts  me  there.  It  is  a  re- 
quirement of  despotism,  and  I  am  conscience  bound  to  resist 
it." 

Mrs.  Page,  one  of  the  sane  prisoners,  said  to  me  when  the 
Doctor  was  out  of  hearing,  "  It  is  your  duty  to  yield  to  des- 
potism, if  it  is  Beelzebub  himself  who  issues  the  command, 
if  it  comes  in  man  form  !"  But  Mrs.  Page  and  I  differ  in 
opinion  on  that  point.  I  agree  to  yield  to  reason  every- 
where— to  despotism  nowhere. 

The  attendants  from  the  Eighth  ward  soon  called  for  me. 
I  declined  going,  and  related  the  above  conversation  with  the 
Doctor.  Miss  Smith  replied,  "I do  not  abuse  the  patients — 
the  charge  is  a  false  one." 

"  I  hope  it  is;  Miss  Clauson  says  she  thinks  you  are  trying 
to  do  as  well  as  you  know  how,  and  I  hope  you  have  improved. 
Mrs.  McFarland  told  me  she  disliked  the  way  you  treated  the 
patients,  and  she  wished  you  were  away  ;  but  she  added,  'she 
is  good  to  the  sick,  and  I  wish  to  give  her  all  the  credit  sho 
deserves.'  But  should  we  be  together,"  I  added,  "  I  can 
assure  you,  I  shall  be  a  true  friend  to  you — I  shall  respect 
and  honor  your  conscience — I  shall  defend  the  abused  and  the 
wronged  everywhere,  whether  attendant  or  patient." 

They  replied,  "We  shall  not,  of  course,  force  you  to  go 
with  us,"  and  went  to  report  me  to  the  Doctor. 

Next,  Dr.  Tenny  was  sent,  to  try  what  influence  he  could 


NO   SURRENDER.  217 

have  over  me.  I  told  him  that  "I  could  not  see  why  the  Doc- 
tor could  not  treat  me  as  gentlemanly  as  he  had  of  late  begun 
to  treat  the  maniacs,  in  asking  them  civilly,  whether  they 
•were  willing  to  go  to  another  ward;  and  he  has, to  my  knowl- 
edge, left  it  to  their  own  wishes  to  decide  this  question.  I 
know  this  is  a  great  progressive  step  for  him  to  take  in  the 
right  direction,  but  why  should  I  be  singled  out  just  now  as 
an  exception  to  this  new  era  of  events  ?  Despotism  is  making 
another  attack  for  mastery  over  his  better  nature,  and  he 
ought  to  be  restrained,  for  he  has  no  moral  right  to  rule  a  re- 
sponsible moral  agent,  except  through  their  reason.  For  his 
good,  as  well  as  my  own,  I  shall  never  submit  to  his  rule  over 
me  in  any  other  manner." 

Dr.  Tenny  replied,  "He  can  not  be  governed  by  the  wishes 
of  the  patients.  It  is  my  opinion  you  had  better  go." 

"It  is  my  opinion  I  had  better  not  go.  So  we  differ  in  opin- 
ion here." 

Mrs.  McFarland  next  came,  and  tried  to  influence  me  to  go 
voluntarily.  I  remained  firm.  Many  of  my  friends  about 
the  house,  and  my  companions  in  the  new  Seventh  ward  tried 
to  induce  me  to  give  up  to  the  Doctor,  and  as  I  gave  my  rea- 
sons to  one  Mrs.  Farnside,  she  remarked,  "Well,  suffer  it  to 
be  so  now." 

About  eleven  o'clock  the  next  day,  Dr.  McFarland  with 
twp  of  his  porters,  entered  my  room  while  I  was  packing  my 
trunk  to  be  transported.  The  Doctor  very  politely  asked  me 
if  I  would  not  go  up  myself.  I  replied,  "No  Sir  !  I  refuse 
from  principle.  I  regard  your  order  as  an  act  of  despotism, 
which  I  can  not  conscientiously  countenance.  " 

"Very  well,"  and  turning  to  the  porters  he  said,  "You  take 
this  lady  up  very  gently,  and  carefully,  don't  hurt  her,  and 
carry  her  to  her  room." 

"Thank  you,  Doctor,  for  your  kind  cautions  to  handle  me 
gently,  for  I  am  not  as  well  as  usual  to-day,  although  better 
than  I  was  early  this  morning.  Can  I  finish  packing  my 
trunk  ?" 

"Yes,  0  yes,  certainly.  Your  things  shall  all  be  taken 
-are  of."  K 


218  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

At  my  suggestion,  the  porters  then  formed  a  "saddle-seat" 
with  their  hands,  upon  which  I  sat,  with  my  hands  upon  their 
shoulders,  and  thus  they  transported  me  very  gently  and 
safely  to  the  upper  ward,  followed  by  the  Doctor,  and  preceded 
by  Miss  Gerta  DeLaHay.  When  within  the  limits  of  the 
ward,  I  said  to  my  guard,  "I  can  walk  now — I  will  not  burden 
you  any  further."  I  then  thanked  them  for  carrying  me  so 
gently,  and  turning  to  Dr.  McFarland,  I  inquired,  "Can 
these  men  bring  up  my  trunk  ?" 

"Yes,  certainly,  you  shall  have  all  your  things." 

The  Doctor  was  true  to  his  word — I  had  all  my  things  re- 
moved with  me  to  this  ward. 

As  the  Doctor  left  with  his  porter  I  remarked  to  my  attend- 
ants "  the  Doctor  can  do  a  mean  thing  in  the  most  alert 
gentlemanly  manner  possible.  But  I  am  determined  to 
be  a  match  for  him  in  playing  '  the  lady'  as  far  as  he  did 
'  the  gentleman.'  His  manner  reminds  me  of  Mrs.  Waldo's 
remark,  '  do  the  thing  in  a  Christian  spirit,  and  all  will  be 
right  1'  But  I  think  it  is  as  impossible  to  do  a  wicked  act  in 
a  Christian  spirit'  as  it  would  be  to  murder  or  steal  with  a 
Christian  spirit.  Now  I  am  under  your  care,  and  I  have  not 
sinned  in  coming,  for  the  act  was  not  mine,  but  Dr.  McFar- 
land's,  therefore,  I  hope  to  enjoy  the  smiles  of  an  approving 
conscience,  here  as  well  as  elsewhere.  Will  you  now  intro- 
duce me  to  my  new  associates  ?" 

Miss  Bailey  replied,  "  Mrs.  Packard,  I  do  not  think  there 
is  a  patient  in  this  hall  who  can  answer  a  rational  question 
in  a  rational  manner." 

"I  will  not  trouble  you  then  to  introduce  me.  Where  is 
my  room?" 

She  then  showed  me  the  screen-room  the  Doctor  had  as- 
signed me.  My  attendants  were  amazed  at  this  appointment 
and  insisted  there  must  be  a  mistake.  But  I  told  them  this 
was  the  room  above  mine,  and  I  should  obey  his  orders  in 
taking  it.  But  before  my  carpet  was  cleaned  and  brought, 
Miss  Smith  had  inquired  of  the  Doctor  why  he  had  given 
me  a  screen-room,  when  the  astonished  Doctor,  said  he  did  not 


GOOD  FKOM  EVIL.  219 

know  it  was  a  screen-room,  and  directed  her  to  let  me  have 
my  choice  of  all  the  rooms  in  the  hall. 

I  accordingly  chose  a  pleasant  front  room,  which  I  occupied 
until  I  was  discharged.  I  was  allowed  one  favor  here  which 
had  before  been  scrupulously  denied  me,  during  my  prison  life, 
and  that  was  to  have  the  liberty  of  closing  the  door  of  my 
room  in  the  day  time. 

I  was  never  locked  in  my  room  nights,  by  any  attendant 
after  I  had  a  room  by  myself.  This  too  was  a  rare  favor.  As 
the  Doctor  has  said,  he  had  a  quiet  class  of  patients  in  this 
hall,  so  that  with  my  closed  door,  I  had  a  nice  quiet  place  to 
write  "The  Great  Drama,"  which  was  written  in  this  room. 
The  way  in  which  this  came  to  be  written  will  appear  in  its 
proper  place. 


XLIX. 
Good  comes  of  Seeming  Evil. 

I  am  now  quietly  settled  in  my  new  quarters.  My  pros- 
pects for  quiet,  rest  and  study,  were  never  brighter.  So  true 
it  is,  that  good  comes  out  of  seeming  evil.  The  darkest  prov- 
idences are  often  the  stepping  stone  to  prospective  good.  I 
have  indeed  been  crucified  again.  The  cross  I  have  been 
hung  upon,  although  by  some,  is  regarded  with  contempt,  yet 
like  the  scars  the  noble  soldiers  receive  in  battles,  for  the  de- 
fense of  their  country,  are  yet,  to  be  looked  upon  in  their  true 
light.  I  have  had  a  battle  against  the  rule  of  despotism  here — 
I  did  not  surrender,  neither  was  I  conquered.  Though  the 
thing  aimed  at  was  accomplished,  yet  the  power  of  despotism 
here  is  weakened  more  by  the  triumph  than  it  could  have  been 
by  the  defeat. 

Miss  Mattie  Shelton,  one  of  my  attendants  in  the  old  Sev- 
enth said  to  me,  "  I  can't  blame  you  for  doing  as  you  do,  we 
are  all  ruled  with  rigor  here." 


220  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"It  is  true  that  all  who  will  submit  to  be  trod  upon,  will 
surely  be  thus  subjected.  I  shall  stand  on  my  own  self-defense, 
and  so  must  all  who  stand  here.  I  hope  Dr.  McFarland  will 
never  try  to  rule  an  intelligent  woman  with  force  again." 

"Miss  Johnston,  attendant  in  the  new  Seventh  says,  "Mrs. 
Packard,  you  are  strong  both  in  mind  and  body,  so  you  can  bear 
this  crucifixion  better  than  a  weaker  subject  could." 

"If  lean  help  woman  by  suffering  in  her  stead,  I  will  re- 
joice in  my  sorrows." 

Under  this  date  I  find  a  copy  of  a  letter  I  handed  to  Dr. 
McFarland,  the  first  time  he  called  upon  me  after  my  re- 
moval, as  follows : 

DK.  MCFARLAND  :  My  heart  is  full,  and  I  dare  not  attempt 
the  verbal  utterance  of  its  deep  emotions,  lest  I  fail  in  this 
form,  to  give  you  a  free  and  adequate  expression  of  them. 
Therefore,  pardon  the  intrusion  of  one  more  'note  upon  your 
notice.  Dr.  McFarland,  I  love  and  respect  your  manly  na- 
ture ;  and  inasmuch,  as  my  love  is  genuine,  just  in  that  pro- 
portion am  I  grieved  to  see  it  eclipsed.  The  brighter  the  orb, 
the  more  conspicuous  are  its  spots.  The  sun  darkened  !  Can 
there  be  a  more  fit  emblem  of  earthly  dreariness  ?  "What 
would  an  earth  life  be  worth  to  woman  with  the  manhood 
eclipsed?  Let  man,  to  whom  woman  clings  so  instinctively, 
become  perverted,  so  as  to  persecute,  instead  of  protect  her, 
and  she  feels  that  the  sun  of  her  life  is  extinct.  When  man, 
made  in  God's  form,  loses  this  native  dignity,  I  shrink  as 
instinctively  from  such  a  nature,  although  in  a  man  form,  as 
my 'physical  nature  does  from  the  touch  of  fire.  And  the 
pain  which  my  moral  nature  experiences  by  such  a  con- 
tact, can  be  described  by  no  emblem  so  fit  as  the  effects  of  fire 
upon  the  live  flesh. 

You  may  think  me  extravagant  in  my  figures;  still,  I  trust 
not,  for  your  nature  has  not  become  so  entirely  perverted  as 
not  to  appreciate  and  understand  what  I  mean.  Doctor,  you 
are  a  true  man.  Despotism  has  eclipsed  and  darkened  your 
nature,  temporarily  ;  but  I  am  sure  the  sun  has  not  ceased  to 
shine,  but  when  the  eclipse  passes  over,  it  will  shino  out 


BEADING.  221 

again,  in  all  its  original  splendor.  Indeed,  my  faith  assures 
me  that  it  will  pas's  over  with  you,  sooner  than  with  many 
inferior  orbs.  0,  for  humanity's  sake,  God  grant  to  hasten 
the  time.  0,  what  a  sight,  to  see  one  man  dare  to  stand 
boldly  upon  his  manliness,  and  defend  injured  woman,  in  de- 
fiance of  human  laws  !  The  world  waits  for  such  a  man. 

Your  sincere  friend,  E.  P.  ~W.  P. 

To  the  casual  reader,  these  changes  may  seem  to  conflict 
with  the  statement  I  have  elsewhere  made,  viz:  "From  this 
Eighth  ward  I  was  not  removed  until  I  was  discharged,  two 
years  and  eight  months  from  the  day  I  was  consigned  to  it;" 
but  they  do  not  in  reality,  for,  although,  for  the  purposes  of 
repairs  on  the  building,  we  changed  our  locality,  yet  the  class 
of  occupants  did  not  thus  materially  change.  And  I  find,  on 
looking  over  my  journal,  that  during  these  two  years  and 
eight  months,  there  were  a  few  weeks  during  that  time,  that 
Dr.  McFarland  did  allow  me  to  ride  and  walk  with  the 
patients. 

L. 
Beading  Books  and  Papers. 

There  is  a  library  connected  with  this  Institution,  which 
the  public  designed  for  the  use  of  the  prisoners,  and  there  are 
a  large  number  of  papers  generously  sent  to  the  Institution 
as  a  free-will  offering  for  the  benefit  of  the  prisoners. 

But  it  is  due  to  the  public  and  the  patrons  who  bestow 
these  gifts  so  kindly,  that  it  should  be  known  that  these  books 
and  papers  very  seldom  find  their  way  to  the  prisoners  in  the 
wards.  Even  while  I  was  an  occupant  of  the  Seventh  ward, 
it  was  with  great  difficulty  I  could  get  either;  and  while  in 
the  Eighth,  it  was  almost  impossible  for  me  to  get  one,  ex- 
cept clandestinely  and  by  strategy.  A  nd  were  it  net  for  the 
special  kindness  of  Dr.  Tenny,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Coe,  and  Mrs. 
Hosmer,  I  should  have  been  left  to  famish  from  mental  star- 
vation. It  was  war  time,  too,  when  daily  events  of  the  most 


222  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

thrilling  kind  were  occurring,  and  I  felt  it  to  be  a  great  pri- 
vation to  be  deprived  of  the  news  of  the  war. 

Among  my  Asylum  papers  I  find  a  copy  of  a  letter  I 
handed  to  Dr.  Sturtevant,  one  day,  after  chapel  service, 
wherein  my  feelings  upon  this  point  are  portrayed  as  follows: 

APRIL  20,  1861. 

DB.  STURTEVANT:  Dear  Brother  in  Christ. — Entombed 
alive,  as  I  am  at  present,  I,  as  an  intelligent  being,  suffer 
greatly  from  being  deprived  all  communication  with  the 
world  outside  this  Asylum,  so  far  as  Dr.  McFarland  can  pre- 
vent it ;  and  fully  believing  that  you,  kind  Brother,  "  suffer 
as  bound  with  me,"  I  venture  to  ask  of  you  an  expression  of 
this  sympathy,  by  furnishing  me  with  the  reading  of  the 
Independent,  weekly,  by 'bringing  it  to  me,  one  each  Sabbath, 
when  I  will  exchange  the  previous  one. 

Did  you  but  know  how  1  long  to  keep  informed  of  what  is 
transpiring  now  in  my  country,  at  this  eventful  crisis,  I  do 
know  you  would  pity  me;  and  not  scruple  to  grant  so  reason- 
able a  request,  of  an  afflicted  sister  in  bonds.  Still,  I  will 
not  murmur  if  you  turn  me  off  with  an  excuse,  rather  than 
grant  my  request ;  for  I  know  that  God  rules  in  the  hearts  of 
men,  and  he  turneth  them  whithersoever  he  will ;  and  I  have 
long  schooled  myself  to  submission  to  all  God's  appointments, 
as  providence  develops  his  wishes. 

Since  I  am  suffering  for  conscience  sake  alone,  I  see  no 
prospect,  on  the  natural  plane,  but  that  it  will  necessarily  be 
life  long,  since  I  never  can  relinquish  my  right  to  "  obey  God 
rather  than  man,"  when  I  know  these  mandates  conflict. 
So  long  as  I  will  not  take  man's  judgment  instead  of  my  con- 
science for  my  guide,  I  must  remain  imprisoned  in  this  Asy- 
lum !  And  yet,  this  is  free  America  ! 

Yes,  Dr.  Sturtevant,  I  fully  believe  that  my  country  will 
not  prosper,  so  long  as  woman  is  suffered  to  be  thus  treated. 
But  so  far  as  I  am  concerned,  "all  is  well."  Nothing  can 
harm  me.  God  is  my  only  trust  and  shield.  Fear  not  for 
your  sister  in  bonds,  although  her  persecutions  increase 
almost  daily  in  intensity.  By  the  help  of  your  prayers,  and 


READING.  223 

those  of  God's  faithful  ones  in  my  behalf,  I  know  I  shall  be 
ultimately  delivered  out  of  the  hands  of  my  sagacious  ene- 
mies. By  faith  I  stand.  Through  God  I  shall  do  valiantly. 
I  shall  trust  God  by  doing  right,  and  thus  wait  his  deliverance. 
Your  sister  in  bonds,  E.  P.  "W.  PACKABD. 

To  the  discredit  of  Dr.  Sturtevant,  the  honored  President 
of  Illinois  College,  and  the  sacred  profession  of  the  ministry 
whom  he  represents,  I  am  sorry  to  add  that  he  took  no  notice 
of  my  request,  not  even  so  much  as  to  give  me  any  excuse 
for  not  lending  me  his  Independent  to  read  I 

The  letter  shows  what  confidence  I  then  had  in  his  Chris- 
tian character,  and  in  his  manliness  as  being  "woman's 
friend."  And  it  was  a  true  index  of  my  feelings  towards  that 
class,  who  profess  to  be  the  ministers  of  our  holy  religion, 
and  the  practical  followers  of  that  Master  whose  cause  they 
pledge  to  defend  as  their  chosen  profession.  Therefore,  as  a 
sister  in  need,  I,  of  course,  expected  a  Christian  response  to 
my  appeal  to  one  of  this  class  especially.  But  lo  1  ''ye  did 
it  not,"  must  certainly  be  said  of  this  man,  among  this  revered 
profession. 

This  incident  has  taught  me  that  it  is  not  the  profession 
which  makes  the  man,  but  it  is  the  manner  in  which  its  duties 
are  performed  and  its  high  responsibilities  are  discharged, 
which  is  to  determine  the  standard  of  merit  among  ministers, 
as  well  as  men  in  other  professions.  In  short,  ministers  must 
be  judged  by  the  same  standard  as  other  men — they  must 
stand  or  fall  upon  their  own  individual  actions,  not  upon  their 
position  or  profession. 

Another  lesson  taught  me  by  this  incident  and  its  subse- 
quent events,  was,  that  if  we  do  right,  we  shall  feel  right :  if 
we  do  wrong,  we  shall  feel  wrong.  So  long  as  this,  our 
chaplain,  treated  me  as  a  man  and  a  Christian,  he  felt  like  a 
man  and  a  Christian  towards  me.  But  just  as  soon  as  he  for- 
sook this  standard  of  action,  his  feelings  forsook  this  standard. 
He  began  to  treat  me  unsympathizingly — he  began  to  feel 
cold  towards  me  ;  and  the  more  he  manifested  this  coldness 
the  more  unsympathizing  and  unfeeling  he  became.  Thus  he 


224  THE  PRISONEK'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

closed  up  the  avenues  to  his  warm,  manly  heart,  by  his  own 
heartless  actions,  or  inaction,  which,  if  continued  sufficiently 
long,  will  inevitably  ossify  this  noble  heart,  which  was  made 
to  reflect  Christ's  own  image. 

But  Mr.  J.  C.  Coe,  finding  how  I  was  situated,  very  mag- 
nanimously took  a  St.  Louis  daily  paper  for  the  express 
purpose  of  supplying  me  with  the  daily  news,  and  Mrs.  Coe, 
his  wife,  daily  brought  it  to  me  under  her  apron ;  so  that  it 
was  not  known  at  headquarters  how  I  got  my  knowledge  of 
passing  events,  any  more  than  how  I  passed  out  my  letters. 

Dr.  Tenny  also  kin'dly  brought  me  the  Independent  weekly, 
which  he  took  at  his  own  expense,  and  for  the  purpose,  as  he 
said,  of  accommodating  some  of  his  friends  in  the  Asylum. 

Mrs.  Hosmer  brought  me  some  of  her  papers  also,  occasion- 
ally, and  by  a  special  permission  from  Dr.  McFarland,  she 
brought  me,  at  times,  a  volume  of  her  own  books  to  read,  on 
the  subject  of  Swedenborgianism. 

Why  the  Doctor  wished  to  deprive  his  prisoners  of  this 
relief  and  amusement,  is  a  mystery  I  could  never  fathom.  I 
sometimes  thought  it  was  to  increase  the  mental  torment  of 
his  prisoners,  that  he  thus  heartlessly  denied  them  this  right 
the  State  had  granted  them.  I  have  heard  intelligent  pa- 
tients beg  and  plead  with  him  to  bring  them  a  paper  or  a  book 
to  read,  while  he  would  pass  speechlessly  on,  seeming  not  to 
hear  a  word  they  were  addressing  to  him.  This  indifferent 
manner  would  sometimes  arouse  the  indignation  of  the  peti- 
tioners to  such  a  pitch  that  they  would  heap  curses  upon  him 
after  he  left,  often  affirming,  "He  comes  to  the  wards  for 
nothing  else  but  to  torment  us  !  " 

But  I  am  happy  to  say,  that  during  a  favored  period  of  my 
prison  life,  he  not  only  allowed  me  to  read  Dr.  Channing's 
works,  but  I  think  he  has  exchanged  the  volumes  for  me  him- 
self, and  once  he  brought  me  one  of  his  own  volumes  of 
Shakespeare's  works. 

I  notice  in  a  Chicago  paper  of  January  14,  1868,  Dr. 
McFarland  advertises  for  books  to  be  sent  to  the  Institution 
for  the  benefit  of  the  patients.  I  think  if  the  public  knew 


MRS.  STANLEY.  225 

how  indifferent  he  feels  in  relation  to  the  wants  and  comforts 
of  his  patients,  they  would  not  be  over  anxious  to  stock  their 
library  with  books  while  Dr.  McFarland  was  the  State's 
Librarian. 


LI. 
Abusing  Mrs.  Stanley. 

My  worst  fears  respecting  the  management  of  this  ward,  I 
am  sorry  to  say,  were  fully  realized.  Miss  Smith  was  natur- 
ally very  quick  tempered,  and  having  had  it  aroused,  by  ward 
scenes,  into  a  most  unhealthy  exercise  for  many  months,  she 
had  now  become  extremely  irritable  and  cross  also,  so  that 
her  atmosphere  was  anything  but  salutary  and  pleasant  to  the 
prisoners  under  her  charge.  Indeed,  the  contrast  between  her 
management,  and  the  quiet,  kind  and  gentle  influence  of 
Miss  Tomlin,  and  her  associate,  Mrs  McKelva,  was  truly  pain- 
ful, and,  to  me,  a  return  to  the  old  system  of  punishment  and 
abuse,  was  rendered  doubly  painful,  after  so  long  a  cessation 
of  hostilities.  Had  I  been  removed  from  the  Asylum  instead 
of  to  this  ward,  I  should  have  felt  confident  in  the  pleasing 
hope  that  a  reform  had  really  been  inaugurated,  when  I  now 
see  that  it  was  only  local  and  spasmodic  in  its  extent  and  na- 
ture. 

My  feelings  were  first  hurt  in  witnessing  Mrs.  Stanley's 
abuse.  She  is  a  high  spirited,  quick  tempered  lady,  about 
thirty -five  years  of  age,  the  mother  of  several  children.  She 
had  been  delicately  reared,  of  aristocratic  feelings,  and  unused 
to  labor,  except  so  far  ns  the  superintending  of  her  servants 
and  nursery  are  concerned.  Indulged  and  gratified  herself, 
she  had  not  learned  how  to  have  her  wishes  crossed,  and 
maintain  at  the  same  time  her  equanimity.  Miss  Smith  or- 
dered her  one  day  off  from  her  bed,  in  terms  so  authoritative 
and  stern,  that  it  aroused  the  invalid's  temper,  and  she  remon- 


226  frHE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 


strated,  and  'claimed  the  need  she  felt  of  lying  upon  her  bed 
on  account  of  sickness.  This  argument  was  considered  by 
Miss  Smith  as  a  justifiable  reason  for  laying  violent  hands  up- 
on her,  and  pulling  her  suddenly  from  her  bed  upon  the  floor, 
when,  as  usual,  a  fight  was  commenced,  and  Miss  Bailey  -was 
summoned  to  assist  Miss  Smith  in  "subduing"  Mrs.  Stanley  ! 
After  fighting  awhile,  Mrs.  Stanley  constantly  ordering  them 
to  let  her  alone,  they  concluded  to  try  the  "  cold  bath"  to 
"  subdue"  her.  Fearing  and  dreading  this  punishment  more 
than  all  others,  she,  in  the  most  reasonable  manner  urged  the 
soundest  logic  against  it,  in  her  present  state  of  health,  and 
then  begged  and  prayed  that,  for  her  health's  sake,  if  nothing 
else,  they  would  spare  her  this  exposure.  She  said,  "Miss 
Smith,  I  am  sorry!  I  ask  your  pardon!  0,  do  forgive  me  ! 
pray  do,  I  won't  do  so  again."  Still  they  persisted,  regardless 
of  her  entreaties,  confessions  and  prayers.  I  went  to  the 
bath  room,  hoping  my  presence  might  restrain  them,  and  I 
begged  them  to  forgive  her.  But  they  would  not.  After 
pouring  a  pail  of  cold  water  on  her  head,  Mrs.  Stanley  said 
"won't  you  now  kiss  me?" 

"  No  !"  said  Miss  Smith,  "I  won't  kiss  those  who  will  talk 
as  you  do." 

Here  I  said,  "do  forgive  her  I  for  you  will  sometime  want 
forgiveness  yourself."  She  then  stopped  with  the  threat,  "if 
you  speak  another  word  you  shall  not  have  one  mouthful  of 
food  all  day  !" 

Miss  Smith  then  turned  to  me  saying,  "  I  am  not  going  to 
take  abusive  language  from  a  patient." 

In  a  low  tone  I  replied,  "you  must  remember  she  is  insane, 
and  you  cannot  expect  her  to  do  as  a  sane  person  would." 

"  She  is  not  as  insane  as  she  pretends  to  be  ;  she  knows  how 
to  behave  better,  and  I  will  not  bear  abuse  from  her  !" 

"  We  sane  ones  ought  to  bear  more  than  we  can  expect  them 
to  bear,"  I  replied. 

Another  incident  connected  with  the  fight.  Mrs.  Kinney,  a 
very  sympathetic  patient,  seeing  how  Mrs.  Stanley  was  be- 
ing misused,  interfered,  and  pulled  Miss  Smith  off.  Here  was 


MRS.  STANLEY.  227 

another  severe  fight,  which  resulted  in  forcing  Mrs.  Kinney 
into  a  side  room,  and  locking  her  up.  After  all  the  fighting 
was  over,  Miss  Bailey  looking  at  her  finger  remarked,  "I  don't 
know  but  my  finger  is  broken."  I  thought  "if  you  inquired  if 
you  had  broken  any  of  the  patient's  bones,  itwouldbe  becom- 
ing." Thus  this  weak,  delicate  woman,  who  was  placed  here, 
to  receive  kind,  humane  treatment,  as  the  laws  direct,  is  thus 
allowed  to  be  abused,  her  own  health  and  nerves  to  suffer  per- 
haps an  irreparable  injury,  from  those  from  whom  it  is  impossi- 
ble to  escape;  and  wrongs  from  which  too,  there  is  no  redress, 
since  all  the  witnesses  are  outlawed  by  the  brand  of  insan- 
ity ! 

The  oppressed  find  in  this  ward  no  comforter,  except  it  be 
in  defiance  of  the  reigning  powers.  I  have,  and  do  still,  defy 
them,  so  far  as  to  try  to  comfort  the  broken  hearted,  to  sym- 
pathize with  them  in  their  sorrows,  and  these  are  the  evidences 
of  my  insanity,  which  call  for  my  protracted  martyrdom ! 

There  is  no  necessity  for  abusing  a  patient.  I  have  seen 
both  systems  tried,  abuse  and  kindness;  and  kindness  is  by  far 
the  easiest,  safest  course.  And,  besides,  these  prisoners 
are  the  boarders  of  the  house,  and  the  attendants  are  the 
hired  servants,  and  this  distinction  ought  to  be  recognized  as 
an  inspiring  feeling  of  respect  attending  the  patient's  welfare. 
Kind  attendants,  sometimes  get  abuse  from  maniacs,  but  feel- 
ing required  to  "bear  the  infirmities  of  the  weak,1'  they  never 
feel  justified  in  returning  abuse  for  abuse,  "but  contrawise 
blessings."  They  soothe  and  calm,  where  the  irritable  at- 
tendant excites  into  the  heat  of  passion.  Under  Mrs.  DeLa- 
Hay's  reign  of  injustice.  I  have  seen  the  forbearance  and 
magnanimity  evinced,  operate  to  inflame  her  malignity,  and 
have  heard  her  even  twit  them  with  imbecility  and  weakness, 
thus  calling  these  heroic  virtues  "their  insanity  !"  When  she 
would  move  them  into  a  manifestation  of  resentment,  sho 
would  exult,  as  if  she  was  now  justified  in  abusing  to  any  ex- 
tent, because  they  are  insane  I 


228  THE  PEISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

LII. 
Subduing  a  New  Prisoner. 

One  night  I  was  aroused  from  my  slumbers  by  the  screams 
of  a  new  patient,  who  was  entered  in  my  hall.  The  welcome 
she  received  from  her  keepers,  Miss  Smith  and  Mijs  Bailey, 
so  frightened  her,  that  she  supposed  they  were  going  to  kill 
her.  Therefore,  for  screaming  under  these  circumstances, 
they  forced  her  into  a  screen  room  and  locked  her  up.  Still 
fearing  the  worst,  she  continued  to  call  for  help.  Instead  of 
attempting  to  soothe  and  quiet  her  fears,  they  simply  com- 
manded her  to  stop  screaming.  But  failing  to  obey  their  or- 
der, they  then  seized  her  violently  and  dragged  her  to  the 
bath  room,  where  they  plunged  her  into  the  bath  tub  of  cold 
water.  This  shock  so  convulsed  her  in  agony  that  she  now 
screamed  louder  than  before.  They  then  drowned  her  voice 
by  strangulation,  by  holding  her  under  the  water  until  nearly 
dead.  When  she  could  speak,  she  plead  in  the  most  piteous 
tones  for  "  help  !  help  !"  But  all  in  vain.  The  only  response 
she  got  was  "will  you  scream  any  more  !"  She  promised  she 
would  not,  but  to  make  it  a  thorough  "  subduing,"  they 
plunged  her  several  times  after  she  had  made  them  this  prom- 
ise !  My  room  was  directly  opposite  with  open  ventilators 
over  both  doors,  I  could  distinctly  hear  all. 

This  is  what  they  call  giving  the  patient  a  "good  bath  !" 
But  the  bewildered,  frightened  stranger,  finds  it  hard  to  see 
the  "good"  part  of  it.  The  patient  was  then  led,  wet  and 
shivering,  to  her  room,  and  ordered  to  bed,  with  the  threat, 
"If  you  halloo  again,  we  shall  give  you  another  bath."  The 
night  was  very  cold,  and  I  lay  under  my  winter's  amount  of 
bed  clothes  to  keep  me  comfortable,  while  this  shivering  girl 
was  allowed  only  a  sheet  and  one  thin  blanket  to  cover  her. 
She  told  me  the  next  morning  that  she  lay  almost  frozen  all 
night,  and  complained  of  universal  soreness  for  many  days 
after.  For  a  long  time  I  could  see  black  and  blue  spots  all 
over  her  bo'dy,  caused  by  this  violent  handling  of  her  tender 
frame,  in  putting  her  through  the  process  of  initiation — "the 


SUBDUING  A   PRISONER  229 

The  next  morning  I  was  awakened  by  hearing  Miss  Smith 
reprimand  her  most  sternly  for  wanting  her  shoes,  which  she 
could  not  find.  Instead  of  trying  to  pacify  her,  she  forced 
her  shoeless  patient  to  the  bath  room,  and  held  her  head  under 
the  streaming  faucet !  The  frightened  one  screamed  for 
"  help  !  "  for  she  had  not  yet  learned  the  sad  truth,  that  she 
was  out  of  the  reach  of  all  human  help,  now  that  she  had 
passed  the  fatal  "dead  lock"  of  a  charitable  State  institution. 

She  kept  calling  for  her  shoes.  Miss  Smith  had  promised 
them  to  her  after  she  had  washed.  This  being  done,  she 
called  for  her  shoes.  Now  Miss  Smith  requires  her  hair  to 
be  first  combed,  and  having  obeyed  this  order  also,  she  again 
calls  for  her  shoes.  At  this  point,  my  feelings  drove  me  to 
the  spot,  to  defend  the  rights  of  the  stranger,  where  I  found 
.Miss  Smith,  with  upraised  hands  over  her  victim,  ordering 
her  to  "stop  I"  I  whispered  in  Miss  Smith's  ear,  "I  would 
get  her  shoes  for  her." 

She  turned  angrily  upon  me,  and  said,  "I  shall  not  be 
interfered  with  1  I  know  what  I  am  about — I  havn't  seen 
her  shoes — I  know  nothing  about  them." 

I  left,  and  went  to  breakfast.  Soon  after,  Miss  Smith 
came  in  with  her  unhappy,  shoeless  patient,  and  ordered  her 
to  sit  down  and  eat  her  breakfast.  The  patient  wanted  her 
shoes  first,  but  no  request  of  hers  was  noticed.  "You  may 
eat  or  not,  just  as  you  choose,"  said  Miss  Smith,  as  her  only 
response  to  her  inquiry  for  her  shoes. 

This  was  her  first  meal  among  this  great  crowd  of  strangers 
in  this  strange  place.  I  could  not  help  pitying  this  friend- 
less one,  and  as  I  passed  her  on  my  return  from  the  dining 
room,  I  put  my  arm  around  her  waist,  and  kindly  invited  her 
to  come  to  my  room,  telling  her,  at  the  same  time,  that  I 
would  be  a  friend  to  her,  and  treat  her  kindly.  She  replied, 
"That  is  all  I  want."  I  told  her  I  would  ask  the  attendants 
to  find  her  shoes — that  it  was  their  duty  to  attend  to  her 
wants,  and  keep  all  her  clothing  safe  for  her.  Her  neck  was 
cold,  as  her  dress  was  very  low,  and  she  had  lost  her  cape. 
I  sought  for  it  in  her  room,  but  not  finding  it,  I  asked  the 


230  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

attendants  for  it,  but  they  said  that  they  knew  nothing  about 
it.  I  then  lent  this  shivering  girl  a  sacque  of  my  own,  and 
asked  her  to  sit  down  in  my  room,  upon  my  trunk,  which  I 
had  covered  with  a  cushioned  top  for  a  seat  for  my  guests. 
She  seemed  rejoiced  to  have  found  a  friend,  and  clung  to  me 
as  to  her  last  hope.  She  would  not  leave  me  without  a 
promise  that  she  might  return.  She  said  her  father  told  her 
she  should  have  all  she  wanted  when  she  got  here,  and  that 
I  should  see  a  great  many  nice  things.  "But  all  I  want  is  to 
be  treated  kindly." 

I  told  her  I  thought  the  attendants  would  soon  look  for  her 
things — that  they  had  many  to  look  after — that  we  must  try 
to  be  patient.  She  waited  several  hours  ;  again  her  lost 
shoes  began  to  trouble  her,  as  she  wished  to  go  out,  if  I  would 
accompany  her  ;  and  if  she  might  return  again  to  my  room. 
I  offered  to  lend  her  a  pair,  and  had  just  handed  them  to  her, 
when  Miss  Bailey  came  in  with  the  missing  shoes  and  cape 
also.  The  other  prisoners  were  now  going  to  walk,  and  she 
wished  to  go  too,  but  Miss  Smith  decidedly  refused,  giving 
her  no  reason,  except,  "  I  think  it  is  best  you  should  not  go." 

I  tried  to  relieve  her  disappointment,  by  telling  her,  "I 
presume  they  choose  to  wait  a  few  days,  to  see  how  you  be- 
have. They  may  fe«r  you  will  try  to  run  away  now;  and 
besides,  you  have  not  rested  from  your  long  journey  in  the 
cars,  and  they  think  it  better  that  you  keep  quiet  a  few  days." 

She  seemed  easily  satisfied,  and  remarked,  "I  presume  the 
bath  will  do  me  good,  but  I  hope  I  shall  not  need  another. 
If  ever  I  have  to  take  another  bath,  won't  you  be  with  me  ?" 
She  said  she  thought  that  was  baptism;  she  had  now  been 
twice  baptized — once  in  a  creek,  and  now  by  these  two 
women  I 

She  often  complained  of  being  hungry.  I  went  to  Miss 
Bailey,  and  asked  her  if  I  might  take  her  key  and  go  to  the 
dining  room  closet,  and  get  her  some  bread  and  butter,  as  the 
law  allows  the  patients  a  piece  between  meals,  if  they  need 
it.  Miss  Bailey  said,  "I  think  she  must  be  hungry,  for  she 
did  not  eat  any  breakfast,"  and  went  and  got  her  some,  her- 


SUBDUING  A   PRISONER.  231 

self.  I  devoted  the  day  to  her  comfort  and  amusement,  and 
she  seemed,  before  night,  to  be  quite  cheerful  and  content- 
ed. She  was  uniformly  quiet  and  peaceable,  and  disposed 
to  do  the  best  in  her  power.  I  am  fully  satisfied  that  the 
scene  in  the  bath  room  was  entirely  owing  to  mismanagement 
on  the  part  of  the  attendants.  There  is  never  any  occasion 
for  fighting  a  patient.  The  State  has  furnished  a  screen 
room  for  the  restraint  of  the  pugnacious  ones,  and  the 
room  should  be  used  for  only  such,  and  at  such  times  as  they 
need  restraint. 

Another  initiating  process.  Miss  Smith  said  she  thought 
she  should  be  obliged  to  cut  off  her  hair,  since  she  had  "  creep- 
ers" in  it.  The  patient  did  not  wish  to  lose  her  fine  hair,  and 
I  remonstrated  against  it,  saying  that  I  thought  she  had  no 
right  to  do  so  without  their  own  or  their  friends'  consent,  for 
they  always  felt  bad  to  find  it  had  been  done,  when  they  had 
recovered.  Besides,  the  Institution  furnishes  ointment  for 
the  evil  she  deplored.  I  made  a  thorough  investigation  my- 
self, and  found  no  cause  for  the  excuse  she  gave  for  cutting 
her  hair.  I  found  the  reason  she  wished  it  shingled,  was,  to 
save  her  the  trouble  of  combing  it.  She  yielded  to  my  ap- 
peal, and  thus  was  the  long  black  hair  of  this  young  lady 
saved  to  her,  by  my  interposition.  I  had  given  my  word  to 
this  lonely  one,  that  she  should  find  in  me  a  friend,  although 
I  knew  not  what  disaster  to  my  own  interests  might  be  the 
result.  But,  since  I  have  nothing  to  lose  but  my  life,  I  am 
willing  to  risk  it  in  defense  of  the  oppressed  and  down-trod- 
den. I  will  simply  dare  to  do  my  duty,  remembering  Christ's 
word,  that  if  "  I  am  ashamed  of  him  and  his  words,  he  will 
be  ashamed  of  me."  I  never  was  in  any  place  where  Christ's 
principles  were  so  ignored  and  contemned  as  in  this  doleful 
prison  house.  I  have  detailed  this  single  case  as  a  type  of 
others  of  daily  and  almost  hourly  occurrence  here,  the  bare 
mention  of  which  would  fill  a  volume. 


232  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

LIII. 

Treatment  of  the  Sick. 

I  had  for  my  dormitory  companion  for  more  than  one  year, 
Miss  Emily  Goldsby,  who  was  sadly  afflicted  with  epileptic 
fits.  It  was  for  this  she  was  sent  to  this  Asylum  for  treat- 
ment, and  for  this  purpose  she  consented  to  come.  But  like 
all  other  similar  expectations,  this  hope  went  out  in  utter 
darkness,  under  her  Asylum  experience.  Her  mental  facul- 
ties had  already  become  somewhat  impaired,  in  consequence 
of  these  fits,  and  both  she  and  her  friends,  fondly  hoped  that 
under  the  medical  treatment  of  the  far  famed  Dr.  McFarland, 
the  cause  of  this  aberration  might  be  mitigated,  or  removed. 
But  she  had  scarcely  anything  done  for  her  by  way  of  med- 
ical treatment,  although  I  often  heard  her  intercede  with  the 
Doctor,  to  either  do  something  to  cure  her,  or  send  her  home 
to  her  friends.  But  he  could  not  be  prevailed  upon  to  do 
either,  so  that  she  lingered  out  a  most  wretched  imprisonment 
of  many  years,  uncared  for  and  apparently  forgotten.  Her 
friends  thus  finding  that  it  was  easier  for  them  to  be  relieved 
of  the  care  of  her,  than  it  was  to  take  care  of  her  them- 
selves, and  when  at  last  they  were  obliged  to  take  her  away, 
they  cast  her  into  a  county  house  !  She  not  only  got  no  treat- 
ment for  her  disease,  but  no  care  even  when  she  had  her  fits, 
except  what  I  gave  her.  One  night,  before  I  could  get  to 
her  bed,  she  fell  on  to  the  floor  in  one  of  her  fits,  and  broke 
her  collar  bone.  This  accident  caused  her  a  great  deal  of 
suffering,  and  she  daily  appealed  to  the  Doctor  for  relief;  but 
he  would  turn  silently  away  without  seeming  to  hear  her.  I 
finally  influenced  Dr.  Tenny  to  look  at  it,  and  see  for  him- 
self that  she  had  need  of  medical  help.  He  was  satisfied 
that  the  bone  was  fractured,  and  sent  her  some  liniment 
which  relieved  her  pain. 

She  had,  at  several  different  times,  periods  of  unusual 
irregularity  of  conduct,  so  that  she  could  not  sleep  for  sev- 
eral nights  in  succession,  nor  could  her  room-mate  sleep 


TREATMENT  OF  THE  SICK.  233 

•with  her.  I  was  her  constant  and  only  watcher,  and  nurse 
during  the  whole  year,  including  these  periods.  One  time, 
after  several  sleeples?  nights,  I  said  to  Dr.  McFarland,  "I 
am  willing  to  do  my  share  of  hospital  nursing,  but  I  am 
not  willing  to  sacrifice  my  health  in  this  cause,  and  therefore, 
I  wish  you  would  make  some  change  for  a  few  nights,  at 
least,  so  that  I  may  get  a  little  sleep."  But  he  passed  on 
without  making  any  reply  whatever,  leaving  me  to  quiet  my 
patient  as  best  I  could,  and  get  my  own  sleep  where  I  could 
find  it,  or  go  without  it  if  I  could  not. 

There  was  another  lady  in  our  hall  who  needed  medical  treat- 
ment, for  a  weakness  which  caused  her  attendants  some 
trouble  about  her  bed  ;  and  although  she  was  over  sixty  years 
of  age,  she  was  punished  for  it  as  if  she  were  a  child,  instead 
of  being  medicated  as  she  needed.  She  was  lady-like,  intel- 
ligent, perfectly  submissive,  and  uniformly  quiet.  She  was 
always  neatly  and  genteelly  dressed,  and  had  I  met  her  out- 
side of  an  Insane  Asylum,  1  should  never  have  had  a  suspicion 
of  her  being  an  insane  person  ;  I  never  saw  anything  like 
insanity  in  her.  This  lady  had  to  be  punished  daily,  morning 
after  morning,  with  the  horrors  of  the  plunge  bath,  because 
she  caused  her  attendants  trouble  about  her  bed.  She  was 
not  to  blame  for  causing  them  this  trouble,  for  she  could  not 
help  it.  She  used  to  come  to  my  room  after  these  death-like 
strangulations  by  water,  and  say,  "0,  Mrs.  Packard,  I  thought 
they  would  kill  me  this  morning !  I  only  wish  I  had  died,  for 
now  I  am  only  spared  to  go  through  it  again  to-morrow,  for  I 
can't  help  it.  I  lie  awake  all  the  time  I  possibly  can  for  fear, 
but  sleep  will  overcome  me,  £tnd  then  I  am  guilty  of  an 
'insane  act,'  as  they  call  it,  for  which  there  is  no  escape  from 
this  terrible  punishment."  I  reported  her  case  to  her  mar- 
ried daughter  who  visited  her.  But  she  took  no  notice  of 
this  defense  of  her  mother's  rights,  but  left  her  defenseless 
as  ever,  at  the  tender  mercy  of  the  Superintendent,  in 
whom  she  expressed  the  most  unbounded  confidence  !  This 
daughter's  visit  to  her  mother  is  described  in  the  following 
chapter,  showing  the  legitimate  tendency  of  Insane  Asylums 


234  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

to  extinguish   natural  affection.     I  present  it  to  my  readers 
as  I  find  it  recorded  in  my  journal. 


LIT. 
Mrs.  Leonard's  Yisit  to  her  Mother. 

Yesterday  I  met  Mrs.  Leonard,  who  is  here  on  a  visit  to 
her  mother.  I  advised  her  to  take  her  mother  home,  and  be- 
stow upon  her  a  daughter's  kind  and  dutiful  care  and  attention, 
instead  of  leaving  her  to  the  care  of  strangers. 

She  replied,  "Why,  I  think  it  looks  pleasant  here.  Don't 
you  enjoy  staying  here?" 

"No,  I  do  not;  this  is  a  very  unnatural  life,  compelled  to 
live  as  we  do.  Defenseless,  exposed  to  abuse,  separated  from 
all  our  friends,  and  cut  off  from  all  intercourse  with  them, 
shut  out  from  the  world  and  all  the  privileges  of  society  and 
citizenship,  and  worse  than  all,  confined  for  an  indefinite 
period." 

"Why,  I  think  I  could  be  happy  here." 

"You  may  perhaps  have  an  opportunity  to  test  it ;  you  may 
become  insane,  and  then  confined  here;  or  you  may,  like  many 
others,  be  confined  here  without  being  insane,  and  thus  learn 
by  your  own  experience,  what  it  is  to  be  cast  off  by  your  own 
children,  as  you  have  cast  off  your  own  mother ;  for  'with 
what  measure  ye  mete,  it  shall  be  measured  to  you  again.' 
Your  mother  is  liable  to  abuse  here,  and  I  am  her  witness 
that  she  receives  it,  too." 

"It  seems  pleasant  here.  I  do  not  think  they  would  make 
a  false  impression  upon  strangers." 

"A  stranger  passing  through  here,  knows  nothing  about 
the  management  of  the  house.  When  the  friends  visit,  they 
are  told  by  the  employees,  that  their  friends  are  well  taken 
care  of — that  they  are  contented  and  happy  ;  and  if  the  injured 
one  dares  to  contradict  these  statements,  they  are  sure  to  be 
punished  for  it  as  soon  as  the  friends  get  out  of  sight.  Besides. 


MES.  LEONAKD'S  VISIT.  235 

these  visitors  are  instructed  not  to  heed  anything  the  prison- 
ers say,  and  an  attendant  is  to  keep  her  ear  open  to  the 
conversation  which  her  charge  has  with  strangers,  and  is  in- 
structed to  urge  them  on  if  they  tarry  to  hear  anything  they 
wish  them  not  to  hear.  The  patients  fearing  to  tell  the  truth, 
and  denied  an  opportunity  of  doing  so,  the  visitor  leaves  with 
a  very  false  impression,  and  this  dust  which  is  thrown  into 
his  eyes,  prevents  his  seeing  anything  for  himself,  just  as  is 
the  case  with  you  now." 

"But  the  friends  place  them  here,  believing  it  is  for  their 
good,"  she  replied. 

Yes,  under  this  sophistical  plea  they  take  the  first  wrong 
step.  The  neglected  and  injured  relative,  finds  a  class  of 
emotions  germinating  in  his  heart,  which  inevitably  culminates 
in  alienation,  and  irreconcilable  enmity  frequently  ensues. 

The  wrong  doer  makes  the  first  infringement  upon  the  law 
of  love  by  not  doing  as  they  would  be  done  by.  Every  advanced 
step  in  the  wrong  direction  leads  them  into  deeper  and  deep- 
er darkness,  until  at  length,  they  become  so  blinded  and  cal- 
lous that  they  lose  all  traces  of  humanity,  and  thus  become 
entirely  perverted  and  fallen. 

"  I  could  clearly  discern  in  Mrs.  Leonard,  that  she  had  be- 
come sadly  indifferent  to  her  mother's  welfare.  She  had  got 
rid  of  a  burden  by  putting  her  off  upon  the  care  of  others  ;  the 
laws  approved  of  her  course  :  it  was  even  regarded  by  per- 
verted humanity  as  her  duty  thus  to  treat  her  ;  the  tender 
yearnings  of  her  true  nature  were  stifled,  and  she  was  left  to 
moral  judicial  blindness.  I  told  her  she  would  not  like  to  be 
thus  cast  off,  if  incapable  of  taking  care  of  herself;  instead  of 
this,  she  would  claim  that  this  was  just  the  time  she  most 
needed  her  friends'  care  and  assistance.  "When  well,  and  able 
to  care  for  herself,  she  had  better  be  then  abandoned,  rather 
than  in  a  defenseless  condition.  0 !  these  insane  institutions 
are  one  of  Satan's  well  designed  plans  for  the  detriment,  and 
ruin  of  humanity,  under  the  specious  plea  of  benevolence. 
We  know  it  must  be  Satanic  in  itd  origin,  for  its  first  princi- 
ple is  a  trangression  of  the  divino  command  of  love,  to  our 


236  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

friends  and  relations.  How  can  it  have  become  possible  that 
these  houses  could  have  secured  such  a  hold  upon  the  con- 
science and  intelligence  of  the  nineteenth  century  in  enlight- 
ened America?  It  certainly  must  be  a  perverted  Christianity 
which  could  countenance,  and  sustain  institutions  of  such 
notoriously  infamous  character.  It  is  the  specious  deceptive 
character  of  these  professedly  benevolent  institutions,  that 
render  them  so  dangerous,  and  such  a  snare  to  the  world. 

If  they  would 'only  show  their  real  character  openly,  as  In- 
quisitons  and  Penitentiaries,  of  the  worst  kind,  the  danger  to 
humanity  would  be  mitigated  to  the  greatest  extent ;  for  few 
are  so  lost  to  a  desire  for  the  esteem  of  others,  as  to  do  such  an 
outrageous  act  openly  and  professedly,  for  the  purpose  of  tor- 
turing their  afflicted  friends  by  sending  them  to  the  Inquisi- 
tion for  that  purpose.  But  as  it  is,  thousands  are  doing  that 
very  deed  knowingly  to  themselves,  but  ignorantly  to  the 
world,  through  the  specious  plea  of  sending  them  to  a  hospital 
for  "  their  good."  Does,-  not  the  arch  adversary  exult  in 
this  successful  achievement  of  his  purpose  to  destroy  humanity, 
through  this  perversion  of  his  peculiar  godlike  faculty — be- 
nevolence ?  Has  he  not  employed  his  strongly  marked  agent, 
Dr.  McFarland's  benevolent  organization,  through  whom  this 
strategic  plan  can  be  made  practical !  Is  any  plea  more  often 
urged  in  support  of  his  despotism  here,  than  "  their  good  re- 
quires it !"  What  more  popular  argument  could  he  use  in 
support  of  his  deceptive  acts,  than  "  their  good"  in  the  esti- 
mation of  "  the  great,  the  good,  the  intellectual,  Dr.  McFar- 
land's opinion  requires  it  ?"  0,  Dr.  McFarland,  "  their  good" 
is  only  one  of  your  artful  plans  to  promote  your  own  self-ag- 
grandizement ! 

This  morning  Mrs.  Leonard  came  to  the  bars,  and  seemed 
desirous  of  speaking  to  me.  I  left  my  work,  which  was  clean- 
ing my  bedstead,  went  to  the  bars  and  talked  a  little  more 
with  her.  I  told  her  the  patients  in  this  ward  were  treated 
like  slaves  and  menials  ;  that  the  attendants  claimed  to  be  their 
overseers,  and  ordered  them  to  do  the  work  which  they  were 
hired  to  do.  This  morning,  Miss  Smith  has  ordered  them  to 


MES.  LEONARD'S  VISIT.  237 

wash -their  own  bedsteads,  and  requires  them  to  doit,  whether 
they  are  willing  or  not.  Some  object,  saying  that  they  are 
not  put  here  to  work — that  they  have  not  been  used  to  such 
work,  and  the  laws  do  not  require  it  of  them.  Still  she  says 
they  shall  obey  her,  in  all  she  chooses  to  tell  them  to  do,  etc. 
There  is  Mrs.  Stanley,  for  instance,  who  has  not  been  used  to 
such  work,  having  had  hired  help  all  her  days, and  she  objects, 
but  Miss  Smith  told  her  she  should  have  no  breakfast  until 
she  had  done  all  she  had  told  her  to  do.  She  started  for 
breakfast;  Miss  Smith  ordered  her  back,  repeating  her  threat. 
I  did  not  tarry  to  see  how  the  quarrel  terminated.  One  fact 
is  evident,  she  went  without  her  breakfast,  and  seemed  to  feel 
like  a  much  injured  woman.  I  told  Mrs.  Leonard  that  Mrs. 
Stanley  was  right  in  saying  to  Miss  Smith  that  she  had  no 
right  to  speak  so  to  her,  and  order  her  about  in  that  style,  for 
the  laws  forbid  it — Miss  Smith  being  her  servant,  and  the 
laws  expressly  forbid  involuntary  servitude.  Still  as  it  is, 
we  are  regarded  and  treated  as  their  slaves,  or  as  convicts  in 
a  Penitentiary,  condemned  to  work  or  risk  the  penalty  of  dis- 
obedience. I  added,  "this  is  one  of  the  greatest  systems  of 
oppression  and  cruelty  to  human  beings, 'the  world  ever  wit- 
nessed." 

She  listened  with  the  indifference  of  a  stoic,  apparently, 
and  left  me  abruptly  without  making  any  remark.  I  returned 
to  my  duties,  feeling  that  I  had  done  all  my  duty  to  her,  to 
get  her  eyes  open,  to  see  what  the  rules  of  the  house  are.  My 
hope  was  that  the  latent  spark  of  filial  feeling  towards  her 
aflicted  mother  might  be  revived,  and  she,  under  its  natural 
promptings,  be  induced  to  take  her  mother  home.  But  all  my 
efforts  to  enlighten  her,  seemed  like  water  spilled  upon  the 
ground.  She  evidently  seemed  to  regard  all  my  talk,  as  the 
representations  of  an  insane  person,  whom  she  considered  be- 
neath her  notice  or  attention,  except  to  hold  me  up,  to  scorn 
and  ridicule.  She  plainlymade  light  of  it.  God  grant  that  I 
may  never  be  left  to  violate  any  of  my  obligations  to  any  hu- 
man being,  so  as  to  give  my  testimony  in  favor  of  relations 
thus  deserting  their  own  kindred  in  the  time  of  their  greatest 
need. 


238  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

So  far  as  my  influence  and  example  go,  they  shall  find  this 
testimony  in  favor  of  kindness,  the  most  unremitted,  to  my 
afflicted  kindred.  I  will  do  all  I  can  to  secure  the  same  to 
afflicted  humanity  whereever  found.  Should  my  husband  be- 
come a  raving  maniac  even,  I  would  not  consent  to  his  being 
put  into  a  hospital  so  long  as  any  kindred  of  his  own  could 
take  care  of  him.  A  mother's  authority,  if  necessary,  should 
secure  for  him  the  personal  attentions  of  his  children  in  his 
behalf,  so  far  as  was  necessary  to  aid  my  own  personal  efforts 
for  his  comfort  and  happiness. 

I  would  think  of  the  reward  which  Mr.  and  Mrs.  John 
Hardy,  of  Shelburne,  Mass.,  have  received  for  themselves,  in 
taking  care  of  their  insane  son,  eighteen  long  years,  so  kind- 
ly, invariably,  and  unremittingly ;  although  they  may,  on 
entering  upon  their  reward,  exclaim,  "we  have  only  done  our 
plain  duty  to  our  child."  God,  their  Judge  may  reply,  "I 
acknowledge  it  to  be  true,  and  on  this  ground  you  have  proved 
your  loyalty  to  my  government,  by  obeying  the  parental  laws  of 
the  nature  I  have  given  you,  and  not,likemy  disloyal  subjects, 
rejected  its  teachings,  and  left  the  unfortunate  one  to  stranger 
hands." 

I  should  feel  although  weariness  and  painfulness,  might  at- 
tend the  act,  yet  no  selfish  considerations  should  induce  me 
to  swerve  from,  or  remit  our  attentions  to  his  comfort  and  his 
wants.  This  sacred  promise  I  now  make,  and  record,  that  I 
and  my  children,  will  be  true  to  this  pledge — So  help  us 
God! 


LV. 
Mrs.  Emeline  Bridgman — or  Nature's  Laws  Broken. 

This  Mrs.  Bridgman  has  been  an  inmate  of  this  Asylum, 
for  the  last  ten  years  ;  has  been  one  of  the  most  unfortunate 
victims  to  the  deteriorating,  debasing  influences  of  such  insti- 
tutions, to  the  true  aspiring  nature  which  God  has  given 


MRS.  BRIDGMAN.  239 

Her  nature  is  a  specimen  of  a  superior  order  of  female  or- 
ganization, very  tender  sensitive  feelings,  exquisitely  sus- 
ceptible to  emotions  of  a  spiritual  nature,  feeling  an  insult  to 
her  self-respect  and  native  dignity  to  the  most  highly  sensi- 
tive degree,  -exhibited  by  a  feeling  of  shame,  mortification  and 
self-distrust,  which  seemed  so  deeply  stamped  upon  her  soul  as 
to  render  it  impossible  for  her  to  rise  above  it.  So  long  has 
she  suffered  the  shame  of  being  regarded  insane,  that  she  has 
become  morbidly  sensitive,  and  it  seems  now  to  have  become 
morally  impossible  to  overcome  it.  She  has  a  superior  intel- 
lect, conservative  in  its  character,  yet  fully  capable  of  ap- 
prehending clearly  uew  ideas,  new  views  of  truth,  although 
instinctively  averse  to  progress  or  change  in  her  opinions. 

The  orthodox  system  of  theology,  as  the  conservative  di- 
vines of  the  last  century  taught,  is  her  standard  of  truth, 
and  all  deviations  from  this  standard,  she  is  almost  tempted 
to  regard  as  a  sacrilegious  act.  Her  will  is  very  persistent, 
almost  inflexible ;  her  temper  forgiving,  her  spirit  trustful ; 
still,  fearful  and  doubtful  as  to  the  future.  All  her  hopes  lie 
buried  deep  in  the  past.  No  ray  of  hope  illumes  her  future 
in  this  life,  and  her  hopes  of  the  future  rest  upon  a  hope  that 
she  was  made  a  subject  of  regeneration  twenty  or  thirty 
years  since.  On  her  evidences  then,  that  she  had  experienced 
a  change  of  heart,  she  now  rests  her  hope  of  final  safety,  be- 
lieving that  when  this  instantaneous  change  of  heart  has 
been  once  experienced,  there  is  no  probability  of  a  failure  in 
receiving  a  heavenly  inheritance. 

Her  nervous  system  became  deranged  from  a  physical  cause 
at  the  age  of  eighteen.  She  was  then  sent  to  the  Worces- 
ter Hospital,  Massachusetts,  where  she  remained  a  short  time 
under  the  treatment  of  Dr.  "Woodward,  the  Superintendent. 
She  soon  recovered,  and  entered  upon  the  practical  duties  of 
life  with  interest  and  satisfaction.  She  was  happily  married, 
and  lived  eight  yrars  with  her  husband,  when  she  became  a 
childless  widow.  Her  life  has  since  been  like  "  the  troubled 
sea  which  can  not  rest."  Her  nerves  have  become  so  chron- 
ically diseased,  that  they  constantly  disturb  her  mental 
repose. 


240  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE 

Her  friends,  at  her  own  request,  let  her  enter  this  Asylum, 
hoping  the  result  might  be  as  favorable  as  it  formerly  had 
been.  But  they  were  disappointed.  Instead  of  receiving  the 
kind,  humane,  Christian  treatment  here  as  she  did  at  Worces- 
ter, she  was  treated  most  abusively  and  brutally.,  Her  sen- 
sitive feelings  thus  received  such  a  shock,  followed  by  such  a 
feeling  of  degradation  and  shame,  that  it  has  become  impossi- 
ble for  her  to  rally  and  recover  her  lost  self-respect.  As  one 
specimen  of  the  manner  of  treatment  to  which  she  was  sub- 
jected, she  told  me  that  in  taking  her  baths,  they  forced  her 
to  disregard,  and  tried  to  crush  out  every  refined,  virtuous, 
and  elevated  feeling  of  her  nature,  telling  her,  in  most  un- 
mistakable language,  that  they  considered  this  eradication  of 
modesty  as  the  object  and  intent  of  their  discipline  and 
treatment.  Of  course,  her  godlike  nature  instinctively  re- 
volted at-  this  heaven-defying  sacrilege,  this  crushing  of  the 
divinity  within  her.  This,  added  to  the  abuse  which  was 
inflicted  upon  her  tender,  sensitive  frame,  was  too  much  for 
her  powers  of  endurance.  Her  nervous  system,  her  aspiring 
feelings,  her  noble  nature,  could  never  rally,  so  long  as  this 
abuse  continued  ;  and  it  has  continued  for  ten  long  successive 
years.  Rather  than  to  live  in  this  agony,  she  sought  death ; 
not  that  she  made  any  attempts  to  commit  suicide,  but  she 
often  begged  and  prayed  that  they  would  kill  her  outright, 
rather  than  by  this  slow  torturing  process.  No;  so  long  a3 
she  exhibited  any  natural  feelings  under  this  torture,  she  was 
subjected  to  the  cruel  rack.  Her  sound  logic,  her  entreaties, 
her  prayers,  her  just  and  holy  resentment,  each  and  all,  only 
seemed  alike  an  occasion  for  inflicting  some  new  form  of 
degradation. 

Mrs.  Bridgman  was  scrupulously  neat  in  her  habits ;  but 
regardless  of  this,  she  was  forced  into  the  water  tub  where 
several  others  had  bathed,  who  were  peculiarly  filthy  in  their 
personal  habits,  so  that  the  water  was  not  only  highly  colored, 
but  covered  over  the  top  with  a  thick  scum  of  filth.  Into 
this  she  was  plunged,  head  and  ears,  to  their  heart's  content, 
and  held  under  tho  water.  Then,  as  her  flesh  was  of  an  un- 


MRS.    BRIDGMAK  241 

commonly  fine  texture,  sensitive  in  the  extreme,  she  must  be 
scrubbed  with  a  corn  broom,  which  had  been  first  dipped  into 
a  dish  of  soft  soap,  to  lather  her  entirely  over  with  from  head 
to  foot,  and  then  washed  off  with  the  thick  water  already  so 
soapy  as  to  almost  consume  the  skin.  Here  she  was  rubbed 
and  scrubbed,  as  if  her  skin  were  a  rhinoceros's,  and  then  locked 
into  her  room,  where  the  cold  was  so  intense  that  her  hair 
•was  often  frozen  to  her  pillow. 

I  inquired  why  she  did  not  report  the  attendant's  conduct 
to  the  Superintendent.  She  said  she  did  try  to,  but  he  would 
not  credit  her  statements,  since  the  attendants  contradicted 
them,  assuring  him  that  they  had  not  abused  her.  He 
regarded  her  truthful  representations  as  the  ravings  of  a  dis- 
eased mind,  and  the  attendants'  conduct  was  tacitly  approved, 
as  judicious  and  correct.  Thus  she  found  that  all  she  had 
accomplished  by  reporting  them  truthfully,  was  an  approval 
of  their  practice  from  the  Superintendent,  and  a  secret 
grudge  against  her,  which  she  would  be  sure  to  know  of  in 
her  future  aggravated  and  increased  sorrows. 

And  now,  since  she  has  been  made  to  become  a  mere  wreck 
of  her  former  self,  as  to  her  personal  habits,  and  her  refined 
manners  and  fashionable  appearance,  having  become  necessa- 
rily almost  indifferent  to  the  opinion  of  others,  as  a  result  of 
her   loss   of  self-esteem,  her  earthly    prospects  seem  to   be 
entirely  blighted,  even  in  the  meridian  of  life;  and  all  the 
natural  result  of  the  rule  of  this  wicked  Institution.     That 
she  did  not  become  a  maniac  long  ago,  is  one  of  the  mys- 
teries of  God's  providence.     Since  I  have  known  her  she  has 
not  been  insane.     She   has  been   one  of  my  most  esteemed 
associates— as  an  intelligent  and  capable  woman— as  compe- 
tent to  attend  to   the  practical  duties  of  life  as  ever,  could 
she  only  be  induced  to  make  the  effort.     But  all  her  ambition 
and  self-esteem  being  prostrated,  by  the  abuse  she  has  experi- 
enced, her  case  seems  almost  hopeless — her  usefulness  for  this 
world  destroyed,  except  so  far  as  her  case  may  be  employed 
as  a  warning,  a  living  memorial  of  the  barbarous  influences  of 
the  Insane  Asylums  upon  humanity,  as  they  have  been  and 
L 


242  THE  PRISONEE'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

still  are  conducted.  If  it  had  not  been  for  these  institutions, 
she  might  have  been,  ere  this,  a  useful  and  happy  woman ; 
and  had  she  been  cherished  and  cared  for  by  her  kindred,  as 
their  true  hearts  then  prompted,  instead  of  trusting  her  to 
the  care  of  strangers,  she  might  have  recovered  her  health 
and  spirits,  and  long  have  been  a  blessing  to  them  and  to  the 
world.  But  alas  !  this  willing  victim  has  been  offered  a  liv- 
ing sacrifice  to  the  Lunatic  Asylum  !  and  under  the  specious 
pretence  that  her  good  might  be  secured  I 

Several  of  her  friends  have  died  since  she  has  been  here, 
but  she  was  not  allowed  to  know  anything  of  the  event, -until 
she  chanced  to  see  the  notice  of  their  death  in  the  papers ! 

0,  can  this  entombing  of  kindred  alive,  be  for  their  or  our 
own  good?  Is  it  for  our  own  good  to  cut  off  our  afflicted 
friends,  and  so  desert  them,  as  to  root  out  all  traces  of  sym- 
pathy in  them,  or  interest  in  their  welfare  ?  Is  it  for  their 
good  to  put  them  where  the  affectionate  yearings  of  their 
fond  hearts  have  no  object  to  cling  to,  and  no  means  allowed 
through  which  to  exercise  their  emotions?  Can  a  natural 
development  of  the  faculties  be  secured  by  this  most  unnatural 
process  ?  No,  no  ;  those  who  have  survived  this  machinery 
are  the  exceptions  ;  those  who  are  injured  the  almost  universal 
rule.  Mrs.  Bridgman  never  was  a  fit  subject,  for  the  Asy- 
lum, since  she  never  was  an  insane  person,  in  that  she  has  never 
been  lost  to  reason.  She  is  diseased  in  her  nervous  system, 
and  instead  of  treating  her  as  a  criminal,  she  needs  unusual 
forbearance  and  kindness,  to  inspire  her  with  self-confidence 
and  thus  draw  out  her  self-reliant  feelings  and  efforts.  All  de- 
pressing, debasing  influences,  are  deathlike  in  their  influence 
over  her  already  weakened  powers  of  resistance.  The  only 
irregularity  of  conduct  indicating  a  dethronement  of  reason, 
was  a  propensity  to  pick  her  clothes  to  pieces.  This  appear- 
ance of  restless  uneasiness,  would  seek  vent  from  the  ends 
of  her  fingers  by  nervous  twitches  upon  something  tangible, 
which  effort  seemed  to  be  an  almost  instinctive  act  of  self- 
defense  from  the  overflowings  of  her  pent  up  mental  agonies. 
I  could  not  blame  her  any  more  than  I  could  blame  a  drown- 


MRS.  BKIDGMAN.  243 

ing  man  for  catching  at  a  straw  as  a  reliance  of  self-defense. 
Although  the  drowning  man's  act  is  in  itself  an  unreasonable 
act  of  self  dependence,  yet  we  do  not  call  it  an  insane  act 
under  his  surrounding.  So,  although  in  reality,  Mrs.  Bridg- 
man's  acts  of  self-relief  are  not  reasonable  in  themselves, 
yet  under  the  anguish  of  her  mental  throes,  she  should  be  ex- 
cused as  innocent  of  an  act  really  insane.  If  her  sufferings 
cannot  be  assuaged  by  judicious  kind  care,  she  should  be  al- 
lowed great  latitude  in  seeking  any  way  of  relief  her  instincts 
might  prompt.  She  has  been  most  wantonly  and  thoughtlessly 
punished,  being  innocent,  so  that  she  is  almost  raving,  under 
this  insult  and  abuse  of  her  moral  nature  addded  to  her  physi- 
cal sufferings.  0,  how  I  have  heardher  entreat  Dr.  McFarland 
to  let  her  out  of  this  place  !  his  utter  indifference  to  her  cries 
only  confirmed  her  in  feeling,  that  this  is  a  place  of  hopeless 
torment,  from  which  she  can  never  escape.  Nor  can  it  be 
right  under  any  circnmstances,  to  keep  a  human  being  in  such 
a  state  of  involuntary  suffering,  or  to  add  to  this  suffering, 
state  personal  imprisonment.  She  has  been  allowed  to  visit 
her  friends  several  times,  within  the  fen  years,  and  remains 
with  them  a  few  weeks  or  months,  but  the  memory  of  the 
Asylum  so  haunts  her,  that  its  fear  and  dread  are  inseparable 
from  her  existence.  This  Institution  should  place  an  insup- 
arable  barrier  to  her  entering  it  again  ;  her  friends  ought  to 
adopt  her  anew  into  the  affections  of  their  hearts,  and  make 
her  feel  sure  that  they  will  never  again  forsake,  but  cherish 
and  love  her  as  they  would  wish  to  be,  in  exchange  of  cir- 
cumstances. But  from  Dr.  Tenny's  account  I  fear  they  cher- 
ish no  such  intention,  but  like  other  alienated  perverted  kin- 
dred, will  feel  justified  in  placing  her  here  again  ;  thus  rid- 
ding themselves  of  a  burden  upon  their  care  and  attention. 
Rid  of  a  burden  I  What  can  be  more  humiliating  to  a  proud 
noble  nature  than  to  feel  that  they  are  looked  upon  as  burdens 
by  their  friends  such  as  they  are  willing  to  resign  knowingly 
in  to  a  state  of  hopeless  unmitigated  sorrow.  0  earth  I  earth  I 
is  there  any  spot  in  this  great  universe  where  human  anguish 
is  equal  to  what  is  experienced  in  Lunatic  Asylums  ! 


244  THE  PKISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Are  we  not  experiencing  the  sum  of  human  wretchedness  ? 
Can  a  woman's  sufferings  be  greater  than  are  Mrs.  Bridgman's  ? 
To  me  she  is  the  very  personification  of  anguish.  O,  my  heart 
has  so  ached  for  her  that  I  sometimes  feel  that  I  would  lay 
down  my  natural  life  to  relieve  her. 

I  did  try  to  comfort  her,  by  imparting  genuine  sympathy  in 
deeds  of  kindness,  and  she  would  sometimes  say  that  she  found 
some  comfort  in  my  room,  but  none  anywhere  else.  I  have  of- 
ten assured  her  that  if  ever  I  got  a  home  where  I  could  do  as 
I  please,  1  would  like  to  adopt  her  into  it  most  cheerfully  as 
my  sister,  and  she  should  find  in  me  an  unfailing  friend. 

I  have  studied  into  the  cause  of  her  disease  of  the  nervous 
system,  and  so  far  as  I  can  judge,  it  was  caused  by  her  disre- 
garding the  laws  of  her  nature,  as  a  woman,  in  working  extra 
hard  at  the  time  she  was  unwell.  She  said  she  suffered  so 
much  pain  at  such  times,  that  she  sought  relief  by  hard  work, 
and  this  exertion  being  unnatural,  only  increased  the  evil  she 
designed  to  remedy.  Her  temporary  relief  was  purchased  at 
the  price  of  future  sufferings.  A  chronic  disease  was  the  result, 
which  has  since  manifested  itself  in  untold  mental  agonies. 
If  women  would  have  resolution  enough  to  be  quiet  at  such 
times  as  nature  and  reason  both  dictate,  they  would  be  re- 
lieved of  a  vast  amount  of  suffering,  which  is  inseparably  con- 
nected with  thus  trifling  with  this  law  of  our  nature. 

It  is  said  that  the  Indian  women  who  are  so  peculiarly  ex- 
empt from  female  diseases,  do  invariably  lie  by  one  or  two 
days  at  such  times,  and  these  are  the  only  times  that  they  lie 
in  bed,  by  sickness — in  consequence  of  which,  they  are  al- 
most as  hardy  as  the  men.  To  them,  the  curse  of  the  fall 
seems  almost  annihilated.  If  civilized  women  would  only 
learn  this  lesson  from  their  uncivilized  sisters,  they  might  hope 
to  enjoy  the  same  immunity  from  suffering  which  they  do. 

Since  I  feel  conscientiously  bound  to  regard  all  the  laws  of 
my  being  as  God's  laws,  and  now  regarding  this  in  that  light, 
I  cannot  feel  exempt  from  its  obligation.  Eighteen  years  of 
obedience  to  this  law  has  demonstrated  the  fact  in  my  case, 
that  civilized  women  can  by  so  doing  be  as  exempted  from 


THE   GUILT  OF  FOLLY.  245 

suffering  as  their  uncivilized  sisters.  0,  that  civilized  women 
would  dare  to  be  as  healthy  as  Indian  women  are,  by  daring 
to  be  as  natural  in  obeying  this  law  of  woman's  nature  ;  then 
might  we  hope  for  progress,  based  on  the  plane  of  sound  and 
vigorous  constitutions  in  their  offspring. 


LYI 
The  Guilt  of  Folly. 

There  are  some  crimes,  the  charging  of  which,  falsely,  is 
worse  than  the  crimes  themselves.  So  with  my  husband's 
false  accusation  of  insanity  in  me,  he  commits  a  greater  crime 
against  me,  than  it  would  be  in  him  to  really  become  insane. 
The  false  accusation  is  a  crime,  whereas  the  thing  charged  is 
no  crime.  Neither  is  he  guiltless  in  treating  me  as  insane, 
when  this  delusion  of  his  is  only  the  result  of  misapprehen- 
sion, for  he  is  to  blame  for  getting  into  this  deluded  state. 
He  has  resisted  known  light,  and  a  persistence  in  his  folly 
has  so  blinded  him  that  now  he  can  not  see  correctly.  At 
the  same  time,  he  is  to  blame,  because  he  ought  not  to  have 
got  into  this  state.  Like  the  drunkard,  who  unconsciously 
harms  another,  is  guilty,  for  he  ought  not  to  have  got  into  this 
unconscious  state.  The  good  of  society  requires  that  folly, 
as  well  as  rascality,  should  be  responsible  for  their  own 
actions. 

Again,  this  state  of  folly  can  only  be  controlled  by  brute 
force  or  fear,  since  while  in  it,  they  are  dead  to  all  influences 
of  a  higher  kind.  And  the  just  punishment  of  this  folly  is 
demanded  as  a  warning  to  others  to  avoid  such  a  state.  These 
victims  of  folly  must  be  held  in  check,  by  force,  until  con- 
sciousness so  far  returns  as  to  lead  them  to  see  the  wrong  they 
have  done;  and  this  time  has  not  come,  until  they  feel  sorry 
for  their  trespass  upon  others'  rights.  My  husband  must  see 
that  there  is  no  hope  of  help  for  him,  until  he  can  see  that 
he  has  ione  wrong;  then  he  will  be  in  a  suitable  state  to  re- 


246  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

ceive  his  pardon  from  me.  Until  that  time  comes,  he  can 
not  appreciate  forgiveness  if  it  should  be  offered.  It  is  my 
duty  to  hold  him  there  until  he  does. 

Again,  this  accusation  is  a  crime  of  great  magnitude,  be- 
cause there  is  no  chance  of  a  termination  of  my  imprisonment 
while  on  this  basis.  Real  insanity  may  possibly  be  cured,  and 
thus  hope  lies  for  the  insane  in  the  future ;  but  the  case  of 
the  falsely  accused  is  hopeless — for  if  unchanged,  he  is  treat- 
ed as  insane,  and  if  he  becomes  insane,  of  course  his  case  is 
hopeless.  There  are  certainly  some  of  the  most  reasonable 
persons  in  the  world  imprisoned  here,  apparently  hopelessly, 
simply  because  some  individual  has  chosen  to  represent  them 
BO,  and  they  justify  themselves  in  this  accusation,  on  the  plea 
that  they  have  a  right  to  their  opinions.  So  they  have  the 
same  right  to  their  opinion  that  a  traitor  has  to  justify  himself, 
on  the  ground  that  it  is  his  opinion  that  the  government 
ought  to  be  overthrown !  Traitors  have  a  right  to  their 
opinions  as  traitors,  and  they  also  have  a  right  to  the  penalty 
which  the  law  attaches  to  such  opinions  when  practically 
expressed. 

The  defamer  pleads  that  he  has  a  right  to  destroy  the 
character  of  one  whom  he  regards  as  an  errorist,  since  he 
claims  these  errors  injure  society,  and  therefore  a  benevolent 
regard  to  community  demands  the  slander.  Now  we  never 
have  a  right  to  do  wrong,  and  no  evil  can  be  justified  on  the 
ground  that  good  requires  it.  Goodness  is  never  dependent 
upon  sin  for  its  maintenance  or  support.  Right  and  justice 
are  sometimes  demanded  by  goodness,  but  never  does  it  de- 
mand wrong  or  wickedness  for  its  defense.  It  is  the  highest 
treason  to  our  Heavenly  Father's  government,  to  try  to 
destroy  the  moral  influence  of  a  member  of  his  family,  in 
order  to  promote  their  own  selfish  purposes.  It  is  an  attempt 
to  overthrow  God's  government,  in  the  individual,  to  repre- 
sent him  as  insane  when  he  is  not,  for  it  is  his  accountability 
he  is  thus  trying  to  destroy. 

That  it  is  a  crime  to  call  a  sane  person  an  insane  one,  ap- 
pears too,  in  the  mental  torture  this  charge  brings  with  it. 


THE   GUILT  OF  FOLLY.  247 

It  is  very  embarrassing  to  a  sensitive  person  to  be  looked  upon 
in  all  they  say  or  do,  as  an  insane  person.  The  least  mistake, 
a  slip  of  the  tongue,  a  look,  a  gesture,  are  all  liable  to  be 
interpreted  as  insanity,  and  the  least  difference  of  opinion, 
however  reasonable  or  plausible,  is  liable  to  share  the  same 
reproach.  So  that  an  advocate  for  any  new  truth,  or  any 
progressive  science  which  must  necessarily  dethrone  human 
dogmas,  while  under  this  charge,  is  under  a  paralyzing  influ- 
ence. But  let  any  other  person  who  is  not  thus  branded, 
advance  the  same  ideas,  they  would  be  regarded  as  evidences 
of  intelligence  of  a  superior  order.  And  although  truth  is 
not  changed  by  the  medium  through  which  it  passes,  yet,  as 
the  world  now  is,  in  its  undeveloped  state,  it  more  readily 
listens  to  a  new  truth  coming  through  a  medium  of  acknowl- 
edged sanity,  than  when  it  comes  through  one  who  has  the 
diploma  of  insanity  attached  to  his  name.  But  still,  the 
medium  is  not  the  truth,  neither  is  the  truth  enhanced  or  di- 
minished by  the  medium  who  utters  it. 

Again,  it  is  a  crime,  because  hundreds  are  kept  here  to 
whom  an  imprisonment  is  as  much  of  an  outrage  as  slavery 
is  to  the  bondman.  Because  some  insane  persons  are  some- 
times dangerous,  it  is  thought  right  to  keep  all  who  are  called 
insane,  prisoners !  Thus,  the  most  sensible  people  on  earth, 
are  exposed  to  suffer  a  life-long  imprisonment,  from  the  folly 
of  some  undeveloped,  misguided  person.  And  the  tendency 
of  imprisonment  itself,  is  sadly  detrimental  to  a  person  who 
has  intelligence  enough  to  realize  that  he  is  held  under  lock 
and  key.  To  persist  in  treating  them  as  though  they  were 
unable  to  take  care  of  themselves,  is  to  undermine  self- 
reliance  and  self-respect.  In  short,  it  tends  to  destroy  all 
that  which  is  noble  and  aspiring  in  humanity,  more  directly, 
and  more  surely,  than  any  course  the  great  enemy  of  the  race 
has  hitherto  devised.  To  subject  a  human  being  to  the 
legitimate  influence  of  this  Insane  Asylum  system,  is  like 
the  Hindoos  throwing  their  children  into  the  Ganges,  most  of 
whom  are  drowned,  of  course,  but  the  few  who  do  escape  are 
those  who  retain  life  with  peculiar  vigor  and  tenacity.  Yes, 


248  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  am  sure  that  any  one  who  can  go  through  here,  and  come 
out  uuharmed,  may  well  be  considered  as  insanity  proof. 
God's  grace  must  work  in  them,  to  will  and  to  do  right  in  all 
things,  or  no  security  is  granted  them;  and  these  few  cases  of 
successful  resistance  are  like  the  pure  gold,  the  hotter  the 
fire,  the  purer  it  becomes.  The  Christian  graces  which  are 
here  called  into  exercise,  are  thus  strengthened,  purified, 
concentrated,  intensified,  so  that  the  minor  temptations  and 
onsets  of  the  powers  of  darkness  are  now  looked  upon  as 
mere  skirmishes,  compared  with  the  fierce,  deadly  battles  of 
this  Asylum  life. 

Again,  the  guilt  attending  this  folly  is  great  when  we  con- 
template how  very  difficult  it  is  to  get  out  of  this  prison  at 
all.  I  find  this  idea  illustrated  in  my  journal  in  the  following 
manner.  "I  havo  just  been  noticing  the  struggles  of  a  fly, 
lying  upon  my  window-sill.  It  vainly  strives  to  regain  its 
natural  position,  and  every  collateral  influence  only  increases 
its  fruitless  struggles  ;  but  when  I  placed  my  finger  directly 
over  so  its  feet  could  clasp  it,  immediately  it  assumed  its  upright 
position,  by  a  perfectly  natural  motion.  All  its  previous  ef 
forts,  unaided,  were  not  only  fruitless,  but  exhausting  to  its 
energies,  so  that  when  help  came,  it  was  weak  from  this  exer- 
tion. So  I  have  been  long  striving  to  deliver  myself,  unaided, 
but  all  in  vain.  But  when  my  efforts  have  attracted  the  at- 
tention of  some  competent  influence  directed  by  a  power  from 
above,  I  shall  experience  all  needed  help  to  rise  to  the  posi- 
tion God  has  designed  me  to  fill.  Now  since  my  deliverance 
depends  wholly  upon  the  influence  of  a  power  above  me,  I 
must  learn  to  trust  it  by  faith,  and  like  the  fly,  lie  quietly 
prostrate,  waiting  patiently  until  help  comes  to  my  rescue." 

Again,  the  guilt  attending  the  folly  of  imprisoning  sane 
people,  or  those  who  have  never  forfeited  their  right  to  their 
personal  liberty  by  their  own  insane  or  criminal  actions,  is  seen 
in  the  expense  it  incurs  to  keep  them  at  Jacksonville  Insane 
Asylum.  It  gives  the  tax  payers  a  just  cause  to  complain 
of  enormously  unjust  taxes,  while  it  cost  the  State  of  Illinois 
one  thousand  dollars  a  year  to  keep  each  of  their  prisoners  at 


MRS.  WATTS.  249 

that  Institution.  If  the  statement  made  before  the  Senate 
in  the  winter  of  1867,  by  Senator  Ward  of  Chicago,  who  was 
appointed  by  that  body  to  investigate  the  management  of  that 
Institution,  is  true — viz :  that  as  the  Institution  is  now  con- 
ducted, it  cost  Cook  County,  one  thousand  dollars  a  year,  for 
each  occupant  from  that  County  ;  and  he  added  "  I  will  engage 
to  take  care  of  them  at  that  price  myself!" 

Now  if  the  people  would  but  exercise  their  own  good  com- 
mon sense  in  this  matter,  they  would  find  that  their  own 
afflicted  friends  could  be  far  better  cared  for  in  their  own 
homes,  than  they  are  now  cared  for  at  this  Institution,  and 
that  the  expense  attending  it  would  be  materially  lessened,  by 
a  return  to  the  simple  principles,  of  natural  humanity  and  com- 
mon sense  in  the  treatment  of  this  unfortunate  class.  Until 
this  is  the  case,  the  guilt  attending  the  folly  of  our  present 
system,  must  be  needlessly  enhanced  by  the  enormous  taxes 
demanded  in  support  of  these  institutions  on  their  present 
corrupt  basis. 

LYII. 
Mrs.  Watts  Driven  off  from  her  Sick  Bed. 

Mrs.  Watts  was  most  peremptorily  ordered  off  her  bed 
while  sick,  by  Miss  Smith,  and  this  distressed  woman  was  com- 
pelled to  stand  leaning  against  her  bed  all  day,  suffering  from 
severe  pain.  She  had  no  chair  or  seat  of  any  kind  in  her  room, 
and  was  not  allowed  to  sit  upon  her  bed,  so  she  must  stand  all 
day  or  lie  upon  the  cold  uncarpeted  floor,  so  that  her  bed  need 
not  be  tumbled,  lest  company  might  pass  through  and  thus 
prevent  as  good  a  display  of  the  house  !  After  listening  to 
the  quarrel  from  my  room,  I  went  to  comfort  her,  and  found 
her  as  I  have  described.  I  expressed  my  tenderest  sympathy, 
telling  her  that  if  it  was  in  my  power  I  would  do  anything 
in  the  world  to  relieve  her,  but  that  I  was  just  as  helpless  as 
herself.  I  kissed  and  left  her,  saying  "  I  will  do  all  I  can  for 
you." 

L2 


250  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  then  took  Miss  Bailey,  the  other  attendant,  into  my  room 
and  with  tears  in  my  eyes,  I  plead  her  case  and  appealed  to 
her  compassion  to  take  her  part,  and  let  her  lie  upon  her  bed, 
saying  "  it  is  your  right  to  act  independently  when  you  see 
the  patients  are  wronged."  She  assented  to  all  I  said,  but  did 
nothing.  I  then  went  to  Mrs.  Watts,  and  offered  her  my  bed, 
assuring  her  I  would  protect  her  while  there.  She  positively 
declined  doing  this,  saying  "  I  guess  I  can  bear  it  as  the  rest 
have  to."  I  left  her  leaning  against  her  bed,  hoping  some  one 
would  come  in  to  whom  I  could  appeal  for  her.  But  no  one 
came.  After  dinner  I  found  her  sitting  upon  the  cold  floor. 
I  then  brought  her  my  chair,  and  insisted  that  she  should  use 
it.  This  she  was  willing  and  glad  to  do.  At  night  I  took  it 
back  and  told  Miss  Smith  what  I  had  done.  She  seemed  im- 
pressed with  a  feeling  of  guilt  and  apologized  for  having  done 
so.  and  gave  me  encouragement  to  hope  she  would  not  repeat 
the  offense. 

The  next  day  I  made  a  most  earnest  appeal  to  Dr.  Tenny 
in  behalf  of  the  sick  in  our  ward,  to  which  he  responded  by 
saying,  "  I  do  think  they  ought  to  be  allowed  to  lie  upon  their 
beds  when  sick." 

"  Then  do  use  yonr  influence  at  headquarters,  for  we  can- 
not get  a  chance  to  tell  our  grievances  to  the  Superintendent; 
he  will  no  more  listen  to  a  patient's  complaint,  than  he  would 
defend  them  from  abuse  !" 


LVIII. 
Dangerous  to  be  a  Married  Woman  in  Illinois! 

After  seating  himself  in  my  room,  Dr.  McFarland,  com- 
menced a  conversation  by  asking  this  question,  "Mrs.  Pack- 
ard, would  it  not  be  natural  for  me,  in  order  to  ascertain  what 
had  been  your  conduct  before  coming  here,  to  inquire,  first  of 
husband,  then  of  parents,  then  of  brothers  and  sisters,  and  on 
their  testimony  form  some  opinion  of  your  state?" 


MARRIED   WOMEN.  251 

"  Yes,  naturally  you  would  ;  but  in  my  case,  these  relatives 
have  not  seen  me  for  seven  years,  except  brother  Samuel,  of 
Batavia.  who  has  visited  me  only  once  during  that  time;  and 
besides,  opinions  will  not  convict  a  criminal.  Facts  are  need- 
ed as  proof.  A  murderer  is  uot  convicted  on  opinions,  but  on 
facts." 

"But  insanity  is  not  a  crime,  but  a  misfortune,  and  different 
kind  of  evidence  is  required  to  prove  it.  It  is  a  disease,  and  as 
physicians  detect  disease  by  the  irregularities  of  the  physical 
organization,  so  they  must  judge  of  insanity  by  the  views 
they  take  of  things." 

"  But,  Doctor,  is  not  the  conduct  the  index  of  the  mind, 
and  if  these  views  are  not  accompained  with  irregularities  of 
conduct,  ought  these  views  alone  to  be  treated  as  evidences  of 
insanity  ?" 

"  Yes,  a  person  may  be  insane  without  irregularities  of 
conduct." 

"  But  have  we  any  right  to  restrain  the  personal  liberty  of 
any  one  whose  conduct  shows  no  irregularities.  For  instance, 
should  you  like  to  be  imprisoned  in  one  of  these  wards  on  the 
simple  opinion  of  some  one  that  you  had  an  insane  idea  in 
your  head,  while  at  the  same  time  all  your  duties  were  being 
faithfully  performed?"  He  made  no  reply. 

After  a  silence  of  a  few  moments,  I  added,  "now  if  you, 
Doctor,  or  any  other  individual,  will  bring  forward  one  act  of 
my  own,  showing  lack  of  reason  in  it,  I  will  own  you  have  a 
right  to  call  me  insane." 

After  waiting  a  long  time,  he  said,  "  was  it  not  an  insane 
act  for  you  to  fall  down  stairs,  and  then  to  be  carried  back  to 
'your  ward  ?" 

"  That  was  not  my  act  in  being  carried  back  to  my  ward.  It 
was  your  own  act,  and  my  falling  down  stairs,  was  an  accident, 
caused  too,  by  your  ungentlemanly  interference  ;  and  tho 
object  I  had  in  view  by  asserting  my  rights,  was  a  rational 
one,  for  I.  had  good  reasons  for  doing  so." 

"0,  no,  no,  the  reasons  are  nothing." 

"  Yes  they  are  ;  for  unless  you  know  the  reasons  which  in- 


252  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

fluence  the  actions  of  others,  many  acts  would  appear  insane, 
that  would  not,  if  we  knew  the  reasons  which  prompted  the 
act.  I  asserted  my  right  to  my  liberty  from  principle,  not 
from  impulse,  in  compliance  with  the  advice  of  Gerrit  Smith. 
viz  :  "when  you  have  done  all  that  forbearance,  kindness  and 
intelligence  can  do  to  right  your  wrongs,  all  that  is  left  for 
you  to  do  is,  to  '  assert  your  rights,'  kindly,  but  firmly,  and 
then  leave  the  issue  to  God." 

After  another  pause  he  said,  "what  motive, Mrs.  Packard, 
could  I  have  for  making  you  out  insane,  if  I  considered  you 
were  not?  Would  money  prompt  me  to  do  it?" 

"  No,  Doctor,  I  don't  think  money  has  influenced  your  mind 
in  my  case  ;  but  you  have  so  long  been  in  the  habit  of  receiv- 
ing women  on  the  simple  verdict  of  the  opinion  of  the  hus- 
band, without  proof,  that  you  seem  to  think  there  is  no  neces- 
sity of  using  your  own  judgment  at  all  in  the  case.  And  you 
do  not  seem  to  apprehend  the  glaring  truth  of  the  present  day, 
that  woman's  most  subtle  foe  is  a  tyrant  husband.  It  is 
might,  not  right,  that  decides  the  destiny  of  the  married 
woman.  You  know  I  am  not  by  any  means,  the  only  one  you 
have  thus  taken  in  here,  to  please  a  cruel  husband.  You 
have  received  many  since  I  have  been  here,  such  as  Mrs. 
"Wood,  Mrs.  Miller,  Mrs.  Kenny,  and  many  others.  Indeed 
Doctor,  this  fact  has  become  so  notorious  here,  that  our  at- 
tendants echo  the  remark  made  by  Elizabeth  Bonner,  the 
other  day,  viz  :  '  I  did  once  think  I  would  get  married  ;  but 
since  I  have  been  here,  and  seen  so  many  wives  brought  here 
by  their  husbands,  when  nothing  ails  them,  that  I  am  resolved 
never  to  venture  to  marry  in  Illinois !  I  can  take  better  care 
of  myself,  alone." 

"  And  Doctor,  I  agree  with  her  in  this  conclusion.  It  is 
fatally  dangerous  to  live  in  Illinois,  under  such  laws,  as  thus 
expose  the  personal  liberty  of  married  women.  This  kind 
of  married  slavery  is  worse  than  negro  slavery,  and  it  must  be 
abolished  before  the  reign  of  righteousness  prevails.  Reso- 
lution is  pacific,  and  I  am  resolved  to  secure  peace  on  no  prin- 
ciple but  justice,  freedom  and  right.  With  resolution,  firm 


MB.  WELLS.  253 

and  determined,  I  am  resolved  to  fight  my  way  through  all 
obstacles  to  victory — to  the  emancipation  of  married  woman! 
I  assume  that  my  personal  identity  is  my  God  given  right,  and 
I  claim  that  this  right  shall  be  recognized  in  the  settlement  of 
this  great  woman  question. 

None  to  my  knowledge  sustain  me  in  my  path  of  self-deny- 
ing obedience  to  the  cause  of  married  woman's  emancipation. 
Bnt  when  the  victory  is  achieved,  there  will  be  no  lack  of 
voices  to  chant  this  triumph.  If,  while  in  the  hottest  of  this 
battle,  some  of  these  plaudits  could  be  heard,  it  would  be  a 
help  far  more  needed  and  welcome  than  when  we  have  laid  off 
our  armor.  But  he  whom  God  guards  is  well  guarded.  It 
is  the  fate  of  many  who  seek  to  do  good,  to  have  to  resist 
their  friends,  and  face  their  foes.  To  be  God's  chosen  instru- 
ment to  raise  woman  to  her  proper  position  is  a  glorious  office, 
and  those  who  win  this  crown,  must  be  willing  to  bear  this 
cross.  The  public  conscience  is  in  motion,  and  the  great  mor- 
al force  my  enemies  are  struggling  against  is  the  gospel,  en- 
forced by  conscience. 

LIX. 

Interview  with  Mr.  Wells,  of  Chicago— A  Tictim  of 
Homesickness. 

At  one  of  our  dancing  parties,  I  had  the  satisfaction  of 
meeting  Mr.  Wells,  of  Chicago,  whom  I  found  upon  acquain- 
tance, to  be  a  man  of  pleasing  address,  of  fine  talents,  and 
possessing  a  good  share  of  learning  and  intelligence.  While 
others  were  engaged  in  dancing,  we  would  oftentimes  be 
conversing  on  subjects  of  common  interest  respecting  the 
management  of  the  Asylum.  There  seemed  to  be  a  perfect 
coincidence  in  our  views  in  relation  to  this  subject,  and  we 
secretly  agreed  upon  a  plan  of  exposing  it  when  we  got  out. 
But  he  became  a  victim  of  homesickness  to  the  highest  degree, 
which  caused  his  death.  This  long  pent  up  indignation 
would  sometimes  vent  itself  in  vehement  language.  For  ex- 


254  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

ample,  one  night  at  our  dance,  I  inquired  if  he  had  heard  from 
his  friends.  He  replied  in  a  most  vehement  and  impressive 
manner,  "Friends  !  I  have  no  friends  !  I  will  never  have  a 
friend  again  !  They  have  been  the  curse  of  my  life  !  Curse 
on  all  the  friends  I  ever  had  !  " 

I  told  him  I  could  respond  to  his  sentiment,  as  could  almost 
all  others  who  have  been  put  in  here  by  their  friends.  It  is 
indeed  now  true,  that  "a  man's  foes  are  they  of  his  own 
household."  And  if  any  doubt  it,  I  think  if  they  were  once 
put  in  here  by  their  friends,  they  would  then  be  compelled 
to  believe  it.  I  told  him  what  a  Miss  Hall,  a  very  smart 
young  lady  said,  who  had  been  here  for  a  few  weeks;  "  If  my 
friends  can  put  me  into  such  a  place  as  this,  they  can  not  care 
anything  for  me ;  I  am  knocked  about  as  if  I  were  nothing 
but  a  dog.  I  am  Miss  Smith's  mere  slave  or  brute.  It  is 
enough  to  drive  one's  senses  and  intellect  all  away  from  them, 
to  be  treated  as  we  are.  Those  who  have  established  such 
institutions  must  be  criminals !  What  can  they  mean,  to  let 
that  saucy,  mean  girl  drive  us  about  so  ?  And  there  is  no 
escape,  no  appeal  from  her  impudence!" 

"And,  Mr.  "Wells,"  I  added,  "have  you  not  ascertained 
that  this  is  one  of  the  most  prominent  features  of  the  '  treat- 
ment' we  are  sent  here  to  receive?  They  must  make  us  feel 
that  we  are  utterly  deserted,  with  no  sort  of  appeal,  to  inspire 
in  us  a  reverence  for  the  despotic  will  which  rules  supreme 
here." 

"Despotic  will !  There  never  was  a  greater  despot  lived, 
than  now  lives  in  that  man,"  pointing  to  Dr.  McFarland,  who 
was  now  approaching  us.  "But  we  must  separate — the 
Doctor  must  not  see  us  together."  Saying  this,  he  arose  and 
walked  to  another  part  of  the  hall.  After  the  Doctor  left 
the  hall,  we  resumed  our  conversation.  "  Mr.  Wells,  have 
you  suffered  from  Dr.  McFarland's  tyranny,  personally?" 

"Indeed  I  have;  I  could  now  show  the  deep  ridges  upon 
my  limbs  here,"  placing  his  hands  upon  his  lower  limbs,  just 
above  his  knees,  "marks  of  the  rope  with  which  I  have  been 
bound  to  the  bed  rack  in  the  lowest  ward  !  " 


MR.  WELLS.  255 

""What!  you  bound  with  ropes!  what  did  they  bind  you 
for?" 

"Because  I  insisted  upon  having  my  little  poodle  dog  in 
my  room  for  my  amusement,  and  his  safety.  I  had  just  paid 
three  dollars  for  it,  intending  to  carry  it  as  a  present  to  my 
little  son  at  Chicago.  But  being  denied  this  solace,  I  con- 
trived to  evade  the  command  to  take  it  from  me;  and  finding 
it  in  the  coal-bin,  when  I  was  out  one  day,  I  managed  to  get 
it  back,  unnoticed,  to  my  room.  But  alas !  this  happiness 
soon  terminated  ;  for  orders  soon  came  from  head  quarters, 
that  'Mr.  Wells  be  put  into  the  lowest  ward,  and  confined 
to  the  bed  rack,  as  his  penalty  for  this  act  of  disobedience.' 
I  made  every  appeal  possible  to  Dr.  McFarland,  to  induce 
him  to  mitigate  my  sentence;  but  all  in  vain.  Said  I,  'Doc- 
tor, you  are  a  father,  can  you  not  sympathize  with  me  in  my 
desire  to  receive  a  welcome  from  my  darling  boy,  and  in 
return  bestow  upon  him  a  gift  which  I  know  will  delight  him?' 
He  made  no  reply,  whatever,  but  turned  away  as  if  he  heard 
not  a  word  I  said  !  " 

"That  is  just  as  he  has  treated  me,  although  physical 
abuse  I  have  not  suffered  ;  yet,  what  is  worse,  I  feel  his-  iron 
grip  upon  my  every  inalienable  right — all,  all  are  at  his  bid- 
ding, subject  wholly  to  his  will  alone.  Mr.  Wells,  this  is  a 
State  Institution,  can  you  tell  me  how  such  a  despotism  could 
have  taken  root  on  Illinois  soil  ?  " 

"  Mrs.  Packard,  the  people  of  Illinois  know  nothing  about 
this  Institution,  except  through  the  Doctor's  one-sided  reports. 
He,  himself,  has  run  the  Institution  into  a  despotism,  and  now 
it  is  hard  to  convince  a  blinded  public  of  it,  as  he  has  made 
them  feel  that  he  is  almost  infallible.  He  is  of  Scotch  descent, 
and  he  has  stamped  the  monarchical  feeling  of  his  nature  up- 
on this  nominally  republican  Institution." 

"But  can  it  not  be  known?  Can't  we  tell  of  it,  when  we 
get  out?" 

"Yes,  Mrs.  Packard,  I  am  determined  upon  that.  I  com- 
mand a  printing  press  at  Chicago,  and  I  will  print  all  you  will 
write,  and  will  write  myself ;  and  this  shall  be  the  first  great 


256  THE  PEISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

work  I  shall  do,  after  I  get  out  of  this  place.  I  am  determined 
in  this  matter.  But  don't  let  the  Doctor  know  of  this  fact, 
for  he  never  will  let  us  out  alive  if  we  do." 

"  But  I  have  already  told  him  of  my  determination,  and 
that  is  what  he  is  keeping  me  for." 

"  0,  Mrs.  Packard,  you  will  never  get  out  then ;  but  I  will 
tell  of  your  case  when  I  get  out,  and  help  you,  if  I  can." 

Here  the  party  broke  up,  and  taking  his  offered  arm,  he 
escorted  me  to  the  door  of  my  room,  where  we  parted  forever, 
with  these  words;  while  bending  over  me,  he  whispered  in  my 
ear:  "Mrs.  Packard,  my  press  shall  be  used  for  your  benefit; 
but,  Keep  dark  !  Keep  dark!" 

In  one  week  from  this  time  Mr.  Wells  was  a  corpse.  His 
desire  to  see  or  hear  from  his  wife  and  children  in  Chicago, 
reached  such  a  pitch  of  intensity,  that  nature  could  bear  no 
more.  His  large,  capacious  brain  became  convulsed  under 
the  mental  agony  of  too  long  suspense — of  hope  of  hearing 
from  his  wife  too  long  deferred,  and  these  fits  continued,  with 
but  few  very  short  lucid  intervals,  until  he  died.  The  day 
he  died,  Mary,  the  Doctor's  youngest  daughter,  came  to  my 
room,  and  remarked,  with  tears  in  her  eyes,  "It  is  too  bad  ! 
it  is  too  bad !  Father  ought  to  have  sent  Mr.  Wells'  letter." 

"  What  do  you  mean,  Mary?" 

"About  one  week  ago  Mr.  Wells  gave  father  a  letter,  to 
be  mailed  to  his  wife.  In  this  letter  he  wrote  how  terribly 
homesick  he  was — how  he  could  not  stand  it  much  longer 
without  hearing  from  her — that  if  she  disappointed  him  this 
time,  it  would  kill  him.  He  knew  it  would  kill  him.  The 
hope  of  getting  a  reply  to  this  letter  would  keep  him  up  until 
there  had  been  time  to  get  a  reply,  and  then  '  if  I  don't  get 
one,  I  shall  die.  I  can't  bear  another  disappointment  and  live 
through  it.'  He  then  asked  his  wife's  forgiveness  for  all  the 
hard  things  he  had  spoken  or  written  about  her  putting  him 
into  such  a  place,  saying,  as  his  only  excuse,  'You  can  not 
imagine  how  much  I  am  suffering.  But  I  can,  and  will,  for- 
give all,  if  you  will  now  take  me  out,  or  even  write  and  tell 
me  you  will  do  so.  But  if  you  do  not  promptly  respond  to 


ASYLUM  SABBATH.  257 

this  letter,  in  some  way,  farewell  forever  !  It  will  be  my  last! 
I  shall  die  of  anguish  !'  Now,"  she  added,  "Mr.  Wells  is 
dead,  and  father  has  got  that  letter  yet!  "  The  very  day  he 
expected  a  reply,  and  got  nothing,  he  went  into  convulsions, 
which  continued  until  he  died. 


LX. 
An  Asylum  Sabbath. 

It  was  my  good  fortune  to  find  the  Sabbath  day  here  ob- 
served or  kept  in  what  I  call  a  Christian  manner.  It  was 
observed  as  a  day  of  rest,  as  God's  command  requires.  There 
were  more  tumbled  beds,  this  day,  than  any  other.  The  rule 
of  other  days,  "  keep  them  off  their  beds,"  was,  in  a  measure, 
suspended  on  this  day  for  rest.  It  was  very  seldom  that  com- 
pany entered  the  wards  on  this  day,  therefore  this  suspension 
of  the  rules  for  "  display,"  was  no  detriment  to  the  reputation 
of  the  house.  I  felt  thaj,  for  myself,  I  could  better  meet  the 
demands  of  my  conscience  under  the  influence  of  this  house, 
than  I  ever  could  outside  of  its  walls.  As  I  had  all  my  life 
been  connected  with  a  minister's  family,  I  found,  of  course, 
little  time  for  the  rest  the  command  enjoined  upon  me.  Be- 
sides attending  to  the  necessary  labor  attending  eating  and 
sleeping,  as  on  other  days,  I  was  obliged  not  only  to  dress 
myself,  but  my  children  also,  for  church  and  Sunday  school, 
and  attend  two  or  three  public  services,  besides  the  Sunday 
school  and  teacher's  meeting,  perhaps,  in  addition;  so  that 
when  my  resting  hour  arrived,  I  would  usually  feel  more  the 
need  of  rest  from  weariness,  than  any  other  day  of  the  week. 
Now,  since  I  have  allowed  my  common  sense  a  little  latitude 
in  this  direction,  I  am  convinced  I  was  then  breaking  the 
Sabbath,  most  egregiously,  by  pursuing  this  course.  Instead 
of  being  rested  as  I  ought  to  have  been,  in  mind  and  body, 
by  the  Sabbath,  I  so  used  it  as  to  unfit  myself  for  the  renewal 
of  weekly  toil  with  fresh  vigor. 


258  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  now  understand  that  God  rested  from  his  labor  on  the  Sab- 
bath, and  so  should  we.  He  has  so  constituted  us,  that  more 
than  six  days  of  continued,  unbroken  labor,  without  extra 
rest,  i?  a  detriment  to  our  mental  and  physical  faculties.  To 
go  to  meeting  too  much,  may  be  breaking  the  spirit  of  the 
command,  as  well  as  working  too  much.  It  is  rest  that  we 
need,  and  it  is  rest  we  should  feel  bound  to  take  on  this  day, 
as  an  act  of  obedience  to  a  law  of  our  nature.  We  should 
so  spend  the  day  as  to  find  ourselves  refreshed  and  invigorated 
for  the  active  duties  of  our  calling  j  otherwise  we  break  the 
Sabbath. 


LXI. 
Letters  to  Dr.  McFarland. 

INSANE  ASYLUM,  April  28,  1862. 

DR.  McFABLAND ; — It  is  time  for  me  to  know  whether  you 
are  indeed  my  friend  or  enemy.  My  stand  must  be  immova- 
bly taken  to  treat  you  as  a  friend,  or  just  as  your  own  actions 
reveal  to  me  your  true  position.  You  must  allow  me  to  be 
my  own  keeper,  by  giving  me  a  key  or  a  pass,  or  you  compel 
me  to  regard  myself  as  a  most  wronged  and  injured  woman, 
whose  self-respect  requires  her  to  regard  you  as  her  subtle  foe. 
Yes,  Doctor,  if  after  all  the  love  and  kindness,  light  and  rea- 
son, forbearance  and  trust  I  have  so  implicity  reposed  in  you, 
as  a  truthful,  honest  man,  you  now  resist  these  combined  in- 
fluences, and  persist  in  your  wrong  doing,  I  must  be  true  to 
you,  and  unvail  your  character  to  the  world. 

If  you  attempt  to  sustain  your  character,  by  defaming  mine, 
and  by  that  act  compel  me  to  defend  my  own,  by  exposing 
yours,  you  must  see  that  by  so  doing,  you  will  work  out  your 
own  destruction. 

Dr.  McFarland,  the  simple  story  of  my  wrongs  which  I 
have  received  at  your  hands,  since  I  entered  this  house,  pub 


LETTERS  TO  DR.  MCFARLAND.  259 

lished  as  they  will  be  for  the  world's  perusal,  will  arouse  such 
indignation  in  community  as  will  hurl  you  from  your  high  posi- 
tion, to  your  proper  place,  and  your  family  will  be,  through 
you,  so  stigmatized,  that  coming  ages  will  hold  your  name  in 
contempt. 

0,  Dr.  McFarland,  I  have  hoped  even  against  hope,  that  the 
adamant  of  your  proud  heart,  would  be  permeated  by  the  force 
of  truth,  so  that  you  could  be  saved  from  ruin,  instead  of  be- 
ing ruined  to  be  saved.  But  if  you  will  not  do  me  the  simple 
act  of  justice  which  it  is  in  your  power  to  do,  I  must  do  you  the 
justice  your  neglect  demands.  Or  as  I  told  you  in  my  Reproof 
if  you  will  not  be  my  deliverer,  you  must  witness  my  deliver- 
ance in  your  destruction. 

Your  true  Friend,  E.  P.  W.  P. 

ANOTHER    LETTER    TO    DE.    MCFARLAND. 

July  12,  1862. 

My  Professed  Friend — I  am  exceedingly  sorrowful,  and  it 
may  be  unto  death,  unless  some  of  my  many  sorrows  are  by 
some  means  alleviated.  And  0,  Dr.  McFarland,  strange  as  it 
may  seem,  my  fond  heart  turns  instinctively  to  you,  as  my 
helper!  What  a  paradox  of  inconsistencies  we  are.  Now 
my  reason  and  judgment,  and  my  most  bitter  experience  as- 
sures me  there  is  no  hope  for  me  in  this  quarter ;  still,  my 
heart  will  turn  to  man,  as  my  protector,  and  there  is  no  man 
left  but  you  to  turn  to. 

You  must  do  something,  or  the  bow  long  strained  to  its  ut- 
most tension  will  break.  I  cannot  bear  these  accumulated 
burdens  of  life  much  longer.  And  0,  to  save  one  who  has 
been  the  truest  friend  you  ever  had,  will  you  not  grant  me 
one  request  ?  0,  dare  I  utter  it  only  to  be  denied,  or  to  re- 
ceive only  a  silent,  heartless,  indifferent  response  ? 

Dr.  McFarland,  will  you  not  remove  me  forthwith  to  the 
County  poor-house,  where  I  understand  the  law  allows  you  to 
put  those  whom  you  regard  as  worthless  members  of  society 
— hopelessly  insane  persons.  0,  do  let  me  speedily  take  the 
position  your  decision  assigns  me  on  earth,  with  Mr.  Stickney, 
as  a  hopelessly  insane  pauper  of  this  State  for  life  ! 


260  THE    PRISONER  S   HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Do  not  longer  compel  me  to  be  tortured  by  being  eye  and  ear 
witness  to  abuses  which  my  afflicted  sisters  here  are  constantly 
liable  to  receive  at  Miss  Smith's  hands.  Miss  Smith  says 
herself  that  she  is  not  fitted  for  her  place — that  she  is  con- 
scious she  is  getting  worse  and  worse  every  day — still  she  says 
that  you  say  you  do  not  wish  to  part  with  her.  0,  Doctor  if 
it  is  to  agonize  me,  that  she  is  retained,  your  end  is  accom- 
plished. 

Another  thing,  my  table  fare  cannot  be  more  uncongenial 
to  my  feelings.  To  sit  down  to  an  oil  cloth  covered  table, 
with  nothing  upon  it  to  eat  except  what  is  distributed  upon 
our  plates,  and  if  that  is  insufficient  in  quality  or  quantity, 
our  only  remedy  lies  in  picking  up  what  we  can  find  of  the 
leavings  from  off  the  plates  of  the  filthy  maniacs;  since  the 
food  is  all  distributed  before  we  sit  down,  except  the  bread, 
and  to  that  we  are  not  entitled  until  all  fragments  are  dis- 
posed of.  Since  I  eat  no  hog  meat,  I  am  often  compelled  to 
make  my  entire  meal  on  bread  and  potatoes  and  salt,  sometimes 
no  butter. 

0,  you  cannot  imagine,  until  placed  in  our  circumstances, 
how  delightfully  refreshing  was  a  taste  of  a  pine  apple  which 
your  kind  Mary  brought  me  yesterday,  from  your  table,  after 
searching  in  vain  to  find  anything  to  satisfy  myself  from  the 
leavings  of  the  maniacs.  And  Sir,  to  one  who  has  uniformly 
moved  in  the  choicest  and  best  society,  and  with  feelings 
refined  and  cultivated,  it  is  humiliating  in  the  extreme,  to  be 
thus  situated.  And  for  what,  am  I  thus  cast  out  as  evil,  to 
spend  the  remainder  of  my  life  among  those  who  are  regarded 
as  the  filth  and  offscouring  of  humanity  ?" 

0,  well  may  this  country  be  draped  in  mourning,  while  by 
its  heaven  defying  laws,  it  upholds  such  iniquity  ;  such  abuse 
of  woman  !  Do  please,  speak  to  me  upon  this  subject  if  noth- 
ing more,  for  total  indifference  to  my  sufferings  and  wrongs  is 
more  intolerable  to  my  nature  than  frank  denial. 

Your  friend  in  anguish  of  spirit. 

E.  P.  W.  P. 

But  this,  like  all  other    appeals,  either  spoken  or  written, 


ATTENDANT  DISHCABGED.  261 

the  Superintendent  chose  to  take  no  notice  of  whatever, 
seemingly  for  the  express  purpose  of  torturing  the  feelings  of 
his  helpless  prisoner,  to  the  highest  point  of  endurance.  0, 
the  anguish  of  spirit  that  man  has  the  psychological  power  of 
inflicting  upon  woman,  no  language  can  describe,  For  her 
sake,  Great  God,  break  his  power  speedily! 


LXIL 
My  Attempt  to  get  an  Attendant  Discharged. 

MY  NOTE  TO  MY  ATTENDANT. 

Miss  SMIT-H  :  I  advise  you  to  resign  your  office  as  attend- 
ant, on  the  ground  of  your  incompetency  to  fill  the  office 
as  it  should  be  filled,  on  account  of  your  quick,  overbearing 
temper.  Your  health  is  not  good,  and  your  nerves  are  in 
danger  of  becoming  incurably  diseased,  by  the  strain  upon 
them,  which  your  present  responsibilities  demand. 

For  your  own  good,  I  ask  you  to  resign  immediately,  and  in 
this  way  supersede  a  discharge  on  the  ground  of  abusive  treat- 
ment of  the  patients. 

Your  true  friend,  E.  P.  W.  P. 

MY  NOTE  TO  DR.  TENNY. 

DR.  TENNY:  It  is  wicked  for  you  to  keep  so  incompetent 
an  attendant  here,  as  Miss  Smith,  on  account  of  her  quick, 
overbearing  temper.  If  you  do  not  discharge  her  forthwith, 
I  shall  expose  you  to  the  world,  for  sustaining  an  attendant 
who  treats  the  patients  worse  than  brute  beasts. 

Miss  Hall  came  to  my  room  yesterday,  and  said,  "  Can  I 
not  get  away  from  the  influence  of  that  wicked,  vile  girl,  who 
knocks  us  around  as  if  we  were  dogs,  and  the  men  don't  seem 
to  be  much  better,  for  they  don't  care  how  we  are  treated 
when  we  are  alone ;  it  is  enough  to  drive  all  my  senses  out  of 
me."  Dr.  Tenny,  'tis  true,  the  patients  are  actually  afraid 
of  their  lives,  from  Miss  Smith's  violent,  insane  temper.  She 
certainly  shows  more  devilment  than  any  person  in  the  hall. 


262  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Miss  Bailey  is  prepared  to  endorse  me,  for  she  says  she  will 
not  bear  the  blame  of  Miss  Smith's  abuses.  She  says  it  is 
wrong,  and  she  will  not  bear  the  responsibility  any  longer. 

There  is  not  one  in  this  house,  who  knows  Miss  Smith,  but 
what  feels  that  she  is  wholly  incompetent  for  her  position,  on 
account  of  her  temper;  and  how  dare  you  defy  the  public 
sentiment  of  this  land,  in  countenancing  such  abusive  treat- 
ment of  the  insane  in  this  Institution  ?  I  asurse  you,  you 
are  running  an  awful  risk  in  so  doing. 

An  act  of  indiscretion  on  her  part,  the  night  of  the  last 
dance  alone,  entitles  her  to  a  discharge,  independent  of  her 
abuse  of  the  patients.  She  locked  Mr.  Jones  and  Miss  Bailey 
in  our  dining  room,  where  they  had  gone  to  extinguish  the 
gas,  and  left  them  there  alone,  in  total  darkness,  and  went 
off,  leaving  her  key  in  the  door.  Miss  Bailey  felt  much  hurt; 
and  she  had  good  reason  to  feel  that  she  had  been  insulted 
mistreated.  It  is  a  wanton  exposure  of  her  reputation ; 

and  if  the  Doctor  will  discharge  Miss  M ,  and  retain  Miss 

Smith,  he  is  certainly  an  unjust  man,  and  is  a  respecter  of 
persons  in  his  judgment.  Yours  truly,  E.  P. "W.  P. 

Miss  Smith  carried  my  note  to  her  to  Dr.  McFarland,  and  he 
read  it.  She  asked  him  if  he  wished  her  to  leave,  adding,  "if 
you  do,  I  will."  She  said  he  replied,  that  he  did  not  wish  her 
to  leave.  She  added,  she  was  tired  of  the  wards,  and  would 
like  to  change  her  situation.  He  said  she  might  have  the 
first  opening  in  the  ironing  room,  in  exchange  for  the  wards. 
So  this  is  all  the  good  it  does  to  try  to  influence  Dr.  McFar- 
land, by  reasons  based  in  truth.  Appeals  in  the  name  of 
humanity  seem  to  have  lost  all  power  over  him.  I  have 
reason  to  believe  that  Mrs.  Coe  told  him  of  all  the  cases  of 
abuse  mentioned  in  the  document  for  the  Independent,  for  she 
assured  me  she  should  tell  him,  if  he  could  be  made  to  listen. 
She  said,  he  might  turn  away,  and  not  hear  it,  as  he  often  did; 
like  the  deaf  adder,  he  would  not  hear. 

But  if  he  would  not  hear  the  truth  from  her,  he  has  received 
it  from  me,  and  knows  Miss  Smith  is  an  abusive  attendant. 
Still  he  keeps  her.  Miss  Smith  told  me,  yesterday,  that  the 


ATTENDANT    DISCHARGED.  261 

Doctor  had  never  reproved  her  for  misusing  the  patients,  nni 
ever  tried  to  restrain  her.  No  principle  controls  the  Doctor' 
actions,  except  that  of  policy. 

I  often  think  of  what  Mrs.  Grere,  one  of  the  sufferers  here, 
said:  "If  Dr.  McFarland  won't  do  right,  can't  he  be  made  t& 
do  right  by  some  power?"  0,  yes,  Mrs.  Grere,  there  is  ». 
power  which  can  make  him  do  right,  and  that  is  the  power  o' 
a  just  law.  Let  justice  but  unsheathe  its  flaming  sword,  an« 
like  all  tyrants  when  they  discover  a  power  above  them,  hif 
proud  heart,  will  be  led  to  beg  for  that  mercy  which  h» 
now  refuses  to  others. 

Miss  M ,  to  whom  reference  is  made  in  the  last  sen 

tence  of  my  note  to  Dr.  Tenny,  is  a  poor,  dependent  orphan 
an  outcast  from  her  Catholic  friends,  on  account  of  her  having 
enbraced  Protestant  views.  She  is  about  eighteen  yean 
old,  and  has  been  made  self-reliant  at  a  very  early  age,  by  hei 
surroundings.  Her  strength  and  maturity  of  character  ara 
thereby  far  in  advance  of  her  years.  She  has  a  genuine  Irish 
heart,  loving  and  affectionate  in  the  extreme  ;  buoyant  ana 
happy  in  her  disposition,  firm  and  uncompromising  with  injus 
tice  and  iniquity  of  every  kind.  She  has  filled,  at  different 
times,  several  offices  here,  as  supervisor,  attendant,  and 
assistant  matron.  She  was  also  Hattie  McFarland's  most 
intimate  friend.  She  was  invariably  kind  to  the  patients, 
from  principle,  as  well  as  feeling.  She  was  an  attendant  ot 
my  ward  at  the  time  she  was  discharged,  and  I  regarded  her 
as  one  of  the  kindest  and  most  sympathizing  friends  the 
patients  ever  had  among  those  employed  here.  She  was 
frolicsome  and  sportive,  the  welcome  companion  of  all.  She 
seemed  to  feel  neither  above  nor  beneath  any  one.  She 
claimed  the  respect  of  all,  on  the  ground  of  deserving  it. 
Such  was  her  character — a  perfect  contrast  to  that  of  Mis? 
Smith.  The  latter  is  independent,  as  to  friends,  property, 
and  influence;  and  still,  the  good  Dr.  McFarland  would  dis 
charge  this  kind,  dependent  orphan,  and  protect  the 
wicked,  independent  Miss  Smith,  simply  because  he  chose  to 
do  so,  for  reasons  best  known  to  himself.  The  indiscreet, 


264  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

thoughtless  act  which  occasioned  Miss  M 's  discharge,  was 

going  with  Hattie  McFarland  into  the  gentlemen's  ward,  and 
walking  over  their  newly  made  beds  in  the  dormitory,  and 
thus  enraging  the  feelings  of  the  attendant,  Mr.  Po,  who 
prided  himself  exceedingly  on  his  skill  in  bed  making.  He 
went,  under  the  influence  of  his  excited  feelings,  to  the  Doc- 
tor, and  procured  her  discharge. 

She  felt  too  indignant  at  this  ungallant  act,  to  make  any 
apology  to  him  for  trampling  his  beds,  therefore  her  discharge 
could  not  be  repealed. 

If  Dr.  McFarland  felt  that  the  interests  of  his  Institution 
demanded  this  sacrifice  of  the  orphan's  situation  and  means 
of  support, he  had  a  right  so  to  do.  This  favoritism  of  the  Doc- 
tor in  judgment,  appears  to  have  hardened  his  moral  sensi- 
bilities, so  that,  added  to  his  other  perpetrated  wrongs,  he 
seems  to  be  approaching  that  state  in  which  it  is  easy  to 
"believe  lies,"  rather  than  the  truth  "  whose  damnation  is 
just,"  the  Bible  says.  But  since  damnation  does  not  mean 
eternal  torment,  but  simply  a  terrible  process  of  painful  dis- 
cipline, for  the  good  of  the  sufferer,  I  look  beyond  this  aw- 
ful gulf  to  their  prospective  future,  and  see  them  restored, 
redeemed,  purified,  lost  to  all  that  is  evil,  alive  to  good  only. 
There  I  see  the  triumph  of  the  Cross. 

Can  Christ,  who  gave  his  life  to  redeem  the  whole  world, 
leave  such  a  man  as  Dr.  McFarland  in  endless  torment,  and 
still  be  true  to  his  promises  ?  If  Judas,  whom  Christ  him- 
self called  a  "  devil,"  is  a  member  of  the  human  family,  and 
on  this  ground  entitled  to  the  benefits  of  redemption,  why 
can  not  Dr.  McFarland,  or  any  other  sinner,  have  as  good  a 
title  ?  But  since,  as  a  man,  he  has  sinned,  and  thus  pervert- 
ed, but  not  destroyed  his  nature,  as  such,  he  will  be  made  to 
repent,  and  thus  secure  his  lost  image — lost,  or  obscured  by 
sin,  temporarily.  But  occultation  is  not  annihilation.  Being 
under  the  power  of  evil  for  a  time,  and  the  manhood  being 
entirely  eclipsed  thereby,  does  not  extinguish  the  orb  of  hu- 
manity, which  is  eventually  to  shine  with  the  effulgence  of 
the  Deity,  for  it  is  a  part  of  the  Godhead  itself.  In  every 


SOMETHING  NEW.  265 

human  soul  God  multiplies  himself.  If  the  perversion  of  our 
being  is  to  be  the  endless  law  of  our  nature-,  in  a  single 
instance,  then  evil  is  omnipotent,  and  nature,  or  good,  is  its 
subject.  But  it  is  not  so  ;  nature,  or  the  God-given  tenden- 
cies of  our  being  are  the  only  ineradicable  influences  in  the 
universe.  These  perversions  or  irregularities,  are  but  the 
temporary  effects  of  an  antagonistic  force,  whose  principle  is 
destined  to  ultimate  destruction. 


LXIII. 
A  new  Attendant  Installed— Something  New. 

Miss  Adelaide  Tryon,a  young  school  girl  of  eighteen  years, 
was  introduced  into  our  ward,  to  take  Miss  Smith's  place. 
To  all  appearances,  she  is  a  girl  of  weak  mind,  and  small 
abilities  ;  but  time  alone  well  test  her,  and  develop  whether 
she  is  fitted  for  the  place  or  not. 

My  first  impressions  of  her  are  not  good,  still  I  intend  to 
suspend  judgment  till  a  fair  trial.  My  mind  may  be  a  little 
prejudiced,  from  my  first  interview.  I  went  into  the  dining 
room,  after  breakfast  as  usual,  to  get  my  ice,  when  I  met  her 
at  her  duties.  Since  the  ice  had  notcorne  up,  I  waited  a  few 
minutes,  and  entered  into  a  conversation  with  her.  She  an- 
swered me  rather  short  and  abruptly,  evidently  trying  to  im- 
press the  idea  upon  my  mind,  that  she  regarded  me  as  be- 
neath her  notice,  except  as  her  under  servant. 

She  ordered  me  to  hand  her  the  knives  and  forks,  for  her  to 
put  around  the  table,  which  I  did;  after  which  she  ordered 
me  out  of  the  dining  room.  I  silently  obeyed,  and  returned 
to  my  room  to  ponder  over  the  peculiar  trials  to  which  an 
imprisonment  among  maniacs  rendered  our  moral  nature  lia- 
ble. 

"While  upon  my  knees  praying  for  grace  and  patience  to 
boar  them  with  a  Christian  spirit,  my  devotions  were  suspend- 
ed by  the  entrance  of  Miss  Hall.  She  came  with  a  full  heart 
M 


266  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

of  grief  and  sorrow  to  pour  out  her  complaints  to  me.  Here 
God  had  sent  me  a  remedy  for  my  own  sorrows  ;  I  must  bear 
her  burdens,  to  lighten  my  own.  Like  many  others  here, 
Miss  Hall  is  suffering  for  the  sins  of  her  friends  towards  her, 
and  now  in  addition,  she  has  to  bear  the  sins  of  Dr.  McFar- 
land's  injustice  towards  her. 

After  she  left,  Miss  Tryon  came  to  my  room  and  attempted 
to  bolt  in,  very  uncermoniously.  I  arose  and  opened  the 
door  and  introduced  her  in,  when  she,  in  a  very  abrupt  man- 
ner, remarked,  "  I  came  in  to  see  what  you  were  doing;  what 
have  you  in  your  hand  ?  Are  you  fond  of  reading?"  etc. 

After  answering  her  civilly,  I  tried  to  converse  with  her  in 
an  intelligent,  ladylike  manner ;  to  which  she  seemed  heed- 
lessly indifferent,  evidently  seeming  to  regard  what  I  said,  as 
idle  talk,  beneath  her  notice.  Here,  this  little  school  girl 
feels  at  liberty  to  lord  it  over  me  as  much  as  she  chooses,  re- 
garding me  and  my  society  with  contempt ! 

Mean  as  she  seems,  I  wish  to  do  her  good  as  a  sister.  But 
in  order  to  do  so,  I  think  I  must  tell  her  that  I  am  not  her 
servant — that  she  is  my  servant,  that  I  am  a  boarder  here, 
and  she  a  hired,  servant  to  wait  upon  the  boarders.  If  she  at- 
tempts to  rule  over  me,  I  shall  regard  it  as  an  insult,  such  as 
I  shall  feel  morally  bound  to  resent.  But  by  forbearance  and 
patience,  she  may  be  led  to  see  her  faults  for  herself,  and  avoid 
them  in  future.  I  have  told  her  that  I  was  the  means  of  get- 
ting her  here,  for  it  was  through  my  influence  that  Miss  Smith 
was  finally  discharged  from  the  ironing  room,  since  I  reported 
her  to  the  Doctor  for  her  abuse  of  the  patients.  She  said, 
"you  won't  report  me,  will  you?"  "I  don't  expect  to  have 
occasion  to  do  so,  for  I  trust  you  will  be  kind  to  them.' 

It  is  due  Miss  Tryon  to  add  that  she  became  a  reasonable  and 
kind  attendant ;  and  so  far  as  her  subsequent  treatment  of  me 
was  concerned,  I  had  no  occasion  to  complain  of  her,  and  as 
providence  appointed,  I  was  delegated  by  her  father  to  be  her 
guardian  1  This  was  a  new  thing  in  Asylum  life,  to  have  an 
attendant  put  under  the  care  of  a  patient !  The  facts  are 
these :  Miss  Tryon  one  day  brought  he^1  father  to  my  room, 


MY  PROTEST.  267 

and  after  introducing  us,  as  I  responded  to  her  ladylike  knock, 
by  opening  the  door,  she  left -us,  and  I  asked  him  into  my 
room,  when  we  soon  found  ourselves  engaged  in  earnest  and 
intelligent  conversation.  As  he  took  his  leave,  he  remarked, 
"Mrs.  Packard,  I  see  you  are  a  sensible  woman;  now,  may 
I  not  be  allowed  to  place  my  daughter  under  your  charge, 
since  she  is  young  and  inexperienced,  and  needs  the  guardian- 
ship of  some  one  like  yourself." 

"  Certainly  Mr.  Tryon,  I  not  only  thank  you  for  the  com- 
pliment, but  I  should  be  happy  to  accept  the  charge,  and  will 
promise  you  I  will  be  to  her  a  true  friend." 

Apparently  pleased  and  satisfied  with  my  response,  he  took 
a  respectful  leave,  and  joined  his  daughter  in  her  room,  where 
he  asked  her  about  me,  who  I  was,  etc. 

To  her  reply  that  I  was  a  patient,  he  expressed  his  aston- 
ishment by  exclaiming. 

"  Why,  she  is  the  most  intelligent  lady  I  ever  saw  !  There 
is  not  the  least  particle  of  insanity  about  her  1  There  must 
be  some  mistake  about  that." 

"  I  think  so  too,"  she  replied,  "for  she  has  been  just  as 
she  is  now,  during  the  three  weeks  I  have  been  here,  and  all 
in  the  house  say  she  has  been  just  the  same,  ever  since  she 
has  been  here." 

"There  must  be  some  mistake — there  is  foul  play  somewhere 
— I  shall  speak  to  Dr.  McFarland  about  this,1'  replied  her 
father.  And  he  did  speak  ;  and  the  result  was,  Miss  Tryon, 
had  express  orders  from  Dr.  MdFarland  never  to  let  her  fa- 
ther into  the  ward  again  1 


LXIY. 
My  Protest  Deprives  me  of  no  Privileges. 

Miss  Tryon  our  new  attendant  has  gone  home  on  a  visit  of 
two  days.  I  asked  her  to  let  me  have  her  keys  while  she  was 
absent,  urging  that  Miss  Tomlin  did  so  when  she  went  away, 


268  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

sometimes — that  the  Doctor  knew  of  it,  as  I  had  told  him,  and 
he  had  simply  bowed  assent.  Still  I  told  her  not  to  grant 
my  request  without  asking  the  Doctor's  permission  ;  she,  be- 
ing a  new  attendant,  it  would  not  be  best  for  her  to  take. such 
a  responsibility.  She  asked  the  Doctor  and  he  refused  his 
consent.  Now  the  point  is  established  in  my  mind  that  I 
sacrifice  no  privileges  in  keeping  my  promise  to  never  return 
a  voluntary  prisoner  to  the  ward.  For  he  had  before  directed 
the  attendants  not  to  let  me  out  of  the  wards,  and  he  had  him- 
self forbidden  my  going  to  the  chapel  any  more  after  I  had 
protested.  Now  his  professing  to  wish  me  to  enjoy  the  privi- 
leges of  the  house,  are  shown  to  be  entirely  hypocritical  and 
false.  He  only  wishes  to  break  down  my  conscience  by  thus 
trying  to  induce  me  to  break  my  word  and  lie. 

Did  he  feel  willing  I  should  enjoy  the  parole  which  his  other 
prisoners  do,  he  would  give  me  a  pass  or  a  key  as  he  does  to 
Mrs.  Page,  a  prisoner  here,  and  some  others.  He  only  wishes 
to  make  the  impression  that  my  confinement  is  self-imposed, 
when  in  reality  it  is  just  as  he  wishes,  and  just  as  he  would 
have  it  if  I  had  not  made  my  vow.  I  know,  by  his  -artifice 
and  sophistry,  he  can  use  it  in  a  way  to  vindicate  himself; 
when  in  .reality  he  would  not  have  it  otherwise,  had  I  not 
entered  my  protest.  He  gravely  tells  me  he  wants  I  should 
enjoy  the  privileges  of  the  house,  and  then  when  I  desire  it 
for  two  days  only,  he  even  denies  me  this  limited  day  of  grace. 
He  knows  I  could  not  go  out  and  return  a  prisoner,  but  by 
having  a  key  I  could  and  not  break  my  vow,  and  now  he  won't 
grant  this  favor  for  even  two  days.  If  he  denies  me  this 
privilege  for  two  days,  what  reason  have  I  to  think  I  could 
have  it  all  the  time?  None  at  all.  He  thinks  his  sagacity 
will  take  me  captive  on  this  point;  but  let  us  see  if  the  saga- 
city of  some  other  intelligence  is  not  equal  to  his  own  here 
too.  I  have  only  to  maintain  a  consistent,  upright  course,  by 
simply  doing  right  in  all  respects,  and  thus  I  shall  in  the  end 
overcome  his  selfish  policy  in  protecting  himself  in  doing 
wrong. 

How  I  do  long  to  see  the  issue  of  this  long  sad  drama  !  My 


FAVORITISM.  269 

faith  has  long  since  assured  me  what  to  expect,  but  visions 
only,  will  not  entirely  satisfy  me.  Dr.  Tenny  does  all  he  can 
to  help  my  spirits,  by  his  respectful  attention  to  my  wants. 
I  can  go  to  him  with  my  requests,  and  they  are  not  met  with 
a  repulse. 

The  moral  barometer  indicates  a  storm,  but  I  fear  it  not,  I 
am  in  no  danger  with  my  Pilot.  Nor  am  I  discouraged  be- 
canse  so  many  tempests  betide  me.  The  last  will  sometime 
have  passed  away.  Then  with  my  dear  little  ones,  I  shall 
find  a  safe  harbor,  where  we  shall  find  rest  from  fear  of  evil. 
My  entire  trust  is  in  the  skill  of  my  faithful  Pilot  to  guide  my 
foundering  bark  o're  this  life's  tempestuous  sea.  If  I  am 
wrecked,  it  will  be  because  my  Pilot's  skill  has  for  the  first 
time  been  inadequate  to  the  great  emergency.  Then  I  must 
be  the  first  one  to  proclaim,  "  There  is  no  safety  in  trusting  to 
the  God  within — human  wisdom  is  superior  to  the  divine  1" 
The  end  of  this  vision  will  speak  for  God,  and  not  against 
him. 

I  never  will  take  the  destiny  of  my  own  life,  into  my  own 
hands  by  doing  wrong,  nor  will  I  seek  to  escape  present  trouble 
by  disregarding  the  monitions  of  my  own  conscience.  I  am 
fully  determined  to  see  where  simple  obedience  to  God's  will, 
as  indicated  by  my  guide,  will  land  me.  The  world  shall 
know,  by  one  faithful  experiment,  how  trust  in  God  is  reward- 
ed. If  my  course  leads  to  ruin,  it  is  because  we  have  no  safe 
guide,  within,  upon  which  to  rely. 


Dr.  McFarland  a  Respecter  of  Persons. 
LXY. 

I  showed  Dr.  McFarland  the  reply  of  Henry  M.  Parker, 
Esq.,  to  the  District  Attorney  of  the  United  States  Court, 
Boston,  Mass.,  after  he  had  relinquished  the  case  against  the 
Gordons,  for  treason.  In  this  he  had  shown  that  it  was  dan- 
gerous business  to  arrest  citizens  for  mere  differences  of 


270  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

opinions,  and  calling  it  treason,  without  proof  from  their  own 
acts,  that  they  were  traitors.  He  said  the  people  would  not 
tolerate  it,  but  would  arraign  and  prosecute  such  for  their 
acts;  and  not  only  so,  but  would  make  them  liable  to  civil 
action  for  damages. 

I  told  him  the  same  principles  were  involved  in  this  case, 
as  in  my  own  ;  that  I  had  been  charged  with  insanity  with- 
out proof,  and  my  persecutors  were  liable  to  be  called  to  pay 
the  damages  due  me  for  this  unconstitutional  act  of  abuse 
and  outrage  upon  my  constitutional  rights  as  an  American 
citizen. 

He  treated  the  whole  subject  with  utter  contempt,  as  be- 
neath his  notice,  simply  because  the  sentiments  expressed 
were  those  of  a  lawyer,  rather  than  those  of  a  judge!  I  told 
him  the  principle  was  the  same,  whoever  uttered  it. 

My  nature  compels  me  to  hold  all  truth  in  respect,  whoever 
is  its  medium.  It  is  not  the  medium  which  gives  character 
or  importance  to  truth,  but  the  evidence  it  carries  within 
itself,  that  it  is  truth,  whose  author  is  God  himself.  I  feel 
as  much  bound  to  respect  the  utterances  of  truth  coming  from 
an  insane  person,  as  from  any  other,  even  Dr.  McFarland 
himself,  or  any  other  great  man.  What  an  index  does  this 
furnish  of  the  Doctor's  character  1  Is  he  not  a  man-pleaser 
rather  than  a  God-pleaser?  Does  he  not  care  more  for 
the  praise  of  men  than  for  that  of  God?  Is  the  approval  of 
his  own  conscience  of  as  great  importance  to  him,  as  the 
favor  of  men?  Of  great  men  who  can  promote  him  to  some 
post  of  honor?  Would  he  not  yield  his  conscientious  scru- 
ples, if  they  impeded  his  temporal  advancement?  God  only 
knows!  But  since  "by  their  fruits  we  are  to  know  them,"  I 
should  infer  from  this  expression  of  sentiment,  that  he  was 
wanting  in  real  integrity,  in  manly  principle.  Here  I,  who 
so  much  long  to  see  some  manhood  on  whom  I  can  rely  as  an 
earthly  protector,  am  left  entirely  to  the  tender  mercies  of 
such  a  false,  perverted  man.  He  seems  to  hold  my  temporal 
destiny  entirely  at  his  disposal. 

Shut  out,  as  I  am,  from  the  world,  and  all  communication 


KIDNAPPING  THE  SOUL.  271 

with  it,  except  through  the  medium  of  this  unprincipled  man, 
who  would  not  scruple  to  misrepresent  to  any  degree,  to  pro- 
mote and  accomplish  his  sinister  purposes,  how  can  I  expect 
the  real  truth  can  ever  be  known  ? 

Yesterday  he  gave  additional  instructions  to  guard  our  hall 
from  the  visits  of  strangers,  doubtless  fearing  some  secret 
communication  through  them  to  me,  thus  forming  a  link  with 
the  world.  He  evidently  trusts  to  his  sagacity  in  keeping 
me  hidden,  as  his  means  of  self-defense.  Yes,  Dr.  McFar- 
land,  all  your  sagacity  is  demanded,  to  defend  yourself  from 
trouble  on  my  account.  You  have  already  allowed  this 
house  to  be  employed  as  an  Inquisition  too  long,  to  satisfy  the 
tax  payers  that  you  are  a  proper  man  for  your  position. 
These  tax  payers  have  a  right  to  demand  of  you  how  their 
money  has  been  expended.  When  the  truth  is  known,  that 
you  have  employed  it  in  perverting  it  from  its  appropriate 
use — benefiting  the  insane — and  have  employed  it  in  perse- 
cuting some  of  the  best  of  American  citizens,  they  will 
iudignantly  demand  satisfaction. 

When  I  think  of  my  present  situation — how  utterly  help- 
less, hopeless,  defenseless,  and  wretched  it  is,  so  far  as  natural 
appearances  indicate,  and  then  contrast  it  with  your  prospects 
for  the  future,  I  am  led  to  feel  it  is  not  the  worst  possible 
after  all.  My  hopes  are  all  in  the  future ;  yours  are  buried 
in  the  past.  My  worst  fears  have  been  realized:  yours  are 
to  come.  I  am  suffering  from  falsehood  and  slander ;  you  are 
to  suffer  from  the  truth.  I  have  the  promises,  for  my  support; 
you,  the  threatenings  to  dread  ! 


LXVL 
Kidnapping  the  Soul. 

Another  remark  Dr.  McFarland  made,  which  found  no 
response  in  my  nature,  except  a  feeling  of  scorn  and  indigna- 
tion— I  told  him  what  I  had  done  here  as  evidence  of  my 
possessing  practical  talents,  by  which  I  was  fully  capacitated 


272  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

to  take  care  of  myself  and  others.     His  reply  was,  "There 
is  a  lady  in  the  lowest  ward  who  can  do  all  these  things !  " 

What  is  this  argument  ?  Is  it  not  because  one  whom  we 
consider  unquestionably  insane  can  do  these  things,  that  it 
is  no  proof  of  your  rationality,  to  be  able  to  do  them  ? 

I  replied,  "Perhaps  there  is;  but  can  she  show  by  her 
writing,  which  is  a  correct  index  of  the  state  of  the  mind, 
that  she  is  intellectually  sound;  and  does  her  conversation 
and  conduct  show  her  to  be  morally  sound,  with  no  irregular- 
ities in  any  department  of  character  ?" 

I  believe  I  know  several  cases  there,  who  are  not  insane  at 
all ;  but,  by  calling  them  so,  and  keeping  them  there,  leads 
them  to  regard  themselves  as  hopeless  cases,  just  as  he  is  try- 
ing to  do  by  me.  I  believe  he  lias  deprived  hundreds  of  their 
earthly  existence,  as  accountable  beings  ;  and  he,  as  yet,  has 
in  no  instance,  been  called  to  account  for  it.  0.  it  is  high 
time  that  this  thing  be  looked  into,  and  restitution  be  made. 
I  could  have  replied,  that  "Hurd,  a  very  crazy  old  man, 
could  rake  hay  better  than  he  could,  and  therefore  he  was  an 
insane  man  on  the  same  plane  as  Mr.  Hurd." 

Is  not  the  slander  of  insanity  the  most  cruel  kind  of  defa- 
mation that  can  be  instigated  against  another?  From  what 
right  does  it  not  exclude  us,  except  that  of  eating  and  sleep- 
ing like  animals?  Nothing  more  or  less.  And  can  this 
highest  of  all  wrongs  and  insults  to  a  human  being,  be  looked 
upon  with  any  degree  of  allowance,  by  him  who  bestowed 
these  moral  natures  upon  man  ? — the  very  godhead  thus 
crushed  out  of  a  human  being,  and  he  be  made  to  believe  that 
he  is  only  a  brute  beast,  with  no  claims  upon  his  fellow  crea- 
tures, higher  than  theirs — to  put  a  high  toned,  sensitive, 
developed  human  soul  upon  this  level,  by  base  design,  for  base 
purposes,  by  the  basest  of  malicious  lies  !  Is  it  not  a  sin  of 
the  deepest  die  ?  Can  there  be  any  greater  blasphemy 
against  God,  or  against  the  Holy  Ghost?  I  know,  by  tasting 
this  cup  to  its  bitterest  dregs,  what  it  is  to  feel  this  deepest 
wrong — this  kidnapping  of  the  soul — depriving  a  human  be- 
ing of  his  God  bestowed  accountability.  To  kidnap  a  human 


KIDNAPPING  THE  SOUL.  2  /  8 

being,  and  treat  him  as  a  slave,  is  a  terrible  outrage  upon 
human  nature  ;  but  this  is  not  to  be  compared  with  the  still 
blacker  crime  of  kidnapping  their  accountability,  and  making 
them  nothing  but  brutes.  Slaves  are  allowed  to  exert  their 
abilities  to  work,  and  thus  feel  that  somebody  is  benefitted 
by  them  ;  but  the  insane  are  considered  below  them.  They 
are  not  allowed  to  feel  that  they  are  capable  of  being  of  any 
manner  of  service  to  the  world,  but  degraded  as  useless  bur- 
dens, which  others  must  carry  through  life — as  paupers, 
whose  only  satisfaction  to  themselves  and  others,  is  the  fact 
that  they  can  die,  and  thus  rid  the  world  of  a  useless  animal ! 

A  tender,  sensitive  girl,  who  feels  this  degradation  very 
severely,  came  to  my  room  this  morning  and  said,  "I  had 
rather  be  taken  out  and  shot,  than  to  be  looked  upon  as  an 
insane  person  and  treated  as  one.' 

So  had  I,  and  so  would  hundreds  of  others  here,  could  they 
have  their  choice.  0  death,  death  is  sweet  to  such  a  life  as 
this ;  and  did  not  conscience  interpose  a  barrier,  suicides 
would  be  of  daily  occurrence  I  A.  feeling  of  relief  comes 
over  me,  when  I  hear  of  such  an  occurrence,  at  the  thought 
that  one  soul  more  is  liberated  from  tho  Asylum.  And  0, 
when  one  has  been  thus  degraded  here,  to  come  back  again ! 
Can  anything  be  more  dreadful !  The  return  of  a  fugitive 
to  slavery  is  sad;  but  sadder  far,  to  sustain  a  second  imprison- 
ment as  an  insane  person !  An  imprisonment  as  a  criminal, 
does  not  begin  to  compare  with  it  in  cruelty — a  criminal  is 
regarded  as  a  moral  being.  He  is  not  locked  up  to  be  de- 
prived of  the  godhead  within  him.  His  capacity  to  become 
a  wicked,  guilty  person  is  allowed  him  ;  and  this  capacity, 
even  with  guilt  attending  it,  is  less  to  be  dreaded,  than  a 
feeling  of  annihilation,  an  extinction  of  human  capacities  and 
being. 

This  is  the  "treatment"  for  which  Dr.  McFarland  endeavors 
to  awaken  gratitude  in  me,  for  having  been  permitted  to 
enjoy  here  freely  so  long  1  But  I  can  not  manifest  my  grati- 
tude for  this  great  privilege,  by  thanking  him  for  thus  making 
me  the  recipient  of  so  much  misery.  Since  he  has  recom- 
2M 


274  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

mended  my  case  to  the  Trustees,  he  has  regarded  the 
responsibility  as  resting  entirely  upon  them.  Could  I  ho 
guiltless  in  God's  sight,  and  allow  another  to  suffer  what  I 
have,  for  fear  of  any  consequences  attending  myself?  I 
could  never  meet  my  Judge,  unless  I  had  given  a  truthful 
representation  of  this  Institution!  A  few  may  have  left  here 
without  realizing  the  nature  and  tendency  of  the  Asylum 
System.  Either  they  were  too  insane  to  detect  and  judge 
correctly  of  it,  or  too  unsympathizing  to  feel  for  others. 
Others  there  were,  who  saw  and  fully  appreciated  these 
things,  but  who  were  so  overjoyed  at  their  deliverance,  that 
they  seemed  to  forget  their  former  impressions.  Others,  re- 
membering them  with  most  vivid  distinctness,  were  heard  to 
avow  their  resolution,  never  to  speak  of  these  things,  outside 
the  Institution,  lest  it  revive  these  impressions.  They  looked 
upon  them  as  a  kind  of  horrid  nightmare,  which  they  wished 
to  banish,  as  soon  as  possible,  from  their  recollection. 


LXYII. 
Orthodox  Heaven  and  Hell. 

If  this  is  not  the  Presbyterian  heaven  and  hell  combined, 
so  long  preached  by  Mr.  Packard,  I  do  not  know  what  is! 
Endless  torment,  inflicted  by  a  heartless  despot,  from  whom 
it  was  impossible  to  escape,  and  whom  it  is  as  impossible  to 
move  to  pity  or  compassionate  his  helpless  victims,  is  but  the 
symbol  of  this  Pandemonium.  If  hope  once  reaches  here,  it 
is  in  despite  of  him  and  his  power  and  influence. 

This  is  also  their  heaven;  since  we  here  have  hard  "seats"' to 
sit  upon,  and  nothing  to  do  or  amuse,  except  to  sit  and  sing, 
in  presence  of  the  writhing  of  lost  spirits  !  Rest  and  sing  ! 
What  rest  can  a  benevolent  sympathizing  nature  experience, 
while  he  knows  another  soul  is  in  torment  ! 

There  is  no  rest  for  active  benevolence.  So  long  as  one  soul 
is  unredeemed  from  Satan's  power,  I  must  work  for  that  soul's 


ORTHODOX  THEOLOGY.  275 

deliverance,  before  I  can  sing  "Worthy  is  the  Lamb  that  wag 
slain  to  redeem  mankind."  The  confident  assurance  that  it 
will  be  redeemed,  is  the  only  ground  upon  which  I  can  rely 
for  peace  and  quiet  in  the  meantime.  Attractive  as  are  the 
hard  seats  of  heaven  for  "  rest" to  the  idler  to  me  they  have  no 
attraction.  All  my  godlike  powers  thirst  for  action,  and  use. 
Inert,  stupid  indifference  to  others'  interests,  is,  to  my  social 
sympathetic  nature,  a  moral  impossibility  ;  and  I  heartily  pray 
God  to  deliver  me  from  a  mansion  in  such  a  heaven,  in  com- 
pany with  such  spirits! 

My  experience  of  it  here  in  this  Asylum,  has  been  enough 
for  me.  If  this  is  the  character  of  heaven,  for  which  we  have 
borne  the  discipline  of  our  earth  life,  I  say  I  wish  my  earth 
life  never  to  terminate,  for  such  a  heaven  of  "rest"  is  hell  to 
to  me. 

•  Again,  can  hell  be  a  worse  institution  than  this,  while  it 
punishes  the  best  citizens  for  the  offenses  of  the  worst  ?  There 
have  been  hundreds  imprisoned  in  it  whose  only  offense  is  be- 
ing true  to  the  promptings  of  the  spirit  of  God  within  them. 
They  are  more  natural,  more  godlike  than  their  cotempora- 
ries,  and  the  laws  are  so  insane  in  their  application,  that  they 
punish  the  best  citizens,  for  the  offenses  of  the  worst.  The 
dictatorial  dogmatist  contrives  with  the  sagacity  which  the 
"old  serpent"  imparts  to  him.  to  so  misrepresent  and  vilify 
the  honest  self-sacrificing  Christian,  who  is  striving  to  live  out 
the  dictates  of  an  enlightened  conscience,  that  he  is  either 
compelled  to  compromise  with  iniquity,  or,  if  steadfast  for  .the 
right,  he  is  made  to  endure  the  false  charge  of  insanity. 
Henceforth  he  must  be  regarded  as  an  incompetent  being, 
incapable  of  self-government,  and  thus  subject  to  all  the  abuses 
and  insults  which  can  be  heaped  upon  him.  Like  his  Master, 
he  is  now  called  to  pass  through  Gethsemane's  garden  alone, 
with  none  to  listen  to  his  sorrows,  or  alleviate  his  anguish, 
with  wakeful,  generous  sympathy.  Even  his  own  familiar 
friend,  in  whom  he  trusted,  his  bosom  companion  ,  has  lifted 
his  heel  against  him,  and  now  no  one  dares  to  comfort  or  de- 
fend him  against  this  accuser. 


276  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Thus  forsaken,  deserted,  desolate,  he  finds  no  refuge  left 
him,  except  the  tower  of  faith,  whose  dome  of  love  shelters 
his  lonely  heart.  If  that  tower  is  so  strongly  fortified  as  to 
prove  invulnerable,  he  is  safe.  If  not,  he  is  left  refugeless, 
with  no  home  or  shelter  on  earth  or  in  heaven.  He  is  now 
the  ready  prey  for  the  roaring  lion,  who  delights  in  his  ruin. 
He  then  becomes  insane,  made  so,  by  the  indefatigable  efforts 
of  his  friends,  aided  by  the  evil  influences  of  this  inquisition. 
His  high  and  noble  nature  is  driven  to  desperation  by  these 
combined  forces,  and  his  reason  becomes  lost  in  frenzied  im- 
pulse !  Why,  O,  why,  is  it  that  such  institutions  were  per- 
mitted to  get  a  foothold  upon  the  free  soil  of  our  republican- 
ism? Why  cannot  our  natures,  made  in  God's  image  here,  be 
allowed  free  scope  for  a  natural  development  ?  Why  cannot 
the  intellectual  and  spiritual  nature  of  man  here  have  free  scope 
to  run  to  perfection  ?  Is  it  because  the  spiritual  nature 
of  man  can  only  become  perfected  by  opposition,  by  restraint, 
by  overcoming  obstacles  ?  Can  its  strength  and  power  of  self 
reliance  be  only  thus  acquired  ?  Oh  if  the  blood  of  martyrs 
must  be  the  seed  of  this  Spiritual  Church,  as  it  has  been  of 
the  Christian  Church,  cannot  the  long  list  of  martyrs  which 
this  Institution  has  furnished,  be  sufficient  for  this  age  of 
spiritual  development?  or,  must  every  stage  of  spiritual  pro- 
gress be  thus  marked  by  the  sable  robes  of  martyrdom  ?  Is 
not  the  time  at  hand  when  man  may  be  free  to  obey  the  im- 
pulses of  his  spiritual  nature,  without  being  called  insane  ? 
These  holy  influences  I  cannot,  will  not,  resist,  defenceless  as 
I  am.  The  inner  law  of  my  own  mind  shall  never  yield  to 
human  dictation,  encouraged  by  the  conviction  that  the  end 
of  this  American  Inquisition  cannot  be  far  distant. 

LXVIII. 
A  Scene  in  the  Fifth  Ward— A  Good  Omen. 

One  afternoon,   Miss  Tryon    came    to  me  in  quite  an  ex- 
v    asted    condition,   exclaiming,     "  I  am  actually   weak  and 


A  GOOD  OMEN.  277 

faint  from  witnessing  a  scene  of  abuse  in  the  lowest  ward. 
Bridget  Welch,  Elizabeth  Bonner's  assistant,  has  been  treat- 
ing one  of  her  patients  most  barbarously.  I  never  saw  a 
human  being  so  basely  abused.  Bridget,  in  her  passion, 
seemed  more  like  a  fiend  than  a  woman.  If  Dr.  McFarland 
could  have  seen  and  known  how  she  treated  her  patient,  and 
approved  of  it,  he  must  be  a  very  different  man  from  what  I 
had  supposed." 

I  told  her  "  the  Doctor  does  know  and  approve  of  things 
most  horrible  here.  I  could  prove  that  Elizabeth  Bonner 
had  said  the  Doctor  once  caught  her,  in  one  of  her  passions, 
abusing  her  defenseless  victim,  and  gave  her  a  smile  of  appro- 
bation, leaving  her  to  expend  her  fury  to  her  heart's  content." 

She  replied,  that  Bridget  had  told  her  that  she  and  Eliz- 
abeth were  fighting  Miss  Rollins,  and  the  Doctor  caught  them 
at  it,  and  simply  passed  on,  exclaiming  as  he  passed,  "  That 
is  right;  give  it  to  her,  unless  she  will  give  up."  "  But,"  she 
added,  "  it  don't  sound  like  Dr.  McFarland." 

"  No,  it  don't  sound  like  him  in  his  ostensible  character, 
but. I  fear  it  is  like  him  in  his  real  character  ;  he  is  a  very 
deceitful  man.  He  looks  well  after  his  ostensible  character, 
and  plans  very  adroitly,  to  delude,  deceive,  and  pervert  the 
truth,  so  as  to  shield  himself  publicly  from  the  imputation  of 
inhumanity.  When  he  finds  he  has  gone  too  far  in  encourag- 
ing abuse,  and  is  in  danger  of  exposure,  he  is  careful  to  give 
the  tide  of  feeling  a  new  turn,  by  discharging  the  attendant 
for  abuse,  and  thus  reserve  to  himself  the  credit  of  being  hu- 
mane to  his  patients.  Thus  he  puts  upon  our  merciful  sex, 
the  credit  of  the  inhumanity  of  his  acts,  and  claims  to  him- 
self the  humanity.  In  reality,  he  instigates  them  to  do  what 
their  nature  revolts  at,  but  what  they  feel  compelled  to  do, 
to  retain  his  approval;  then  he  will  add  abuse  to  abuse  by 
discharging  them  for  doing  as  he  wished  them  to  do !" 

She  said  Bridget  Conelly  had  refused  to  leave  the  dining 
room  at  the  request  of  Bridget  Welch,  the  attendant.  In- 
stead of  dealing  gently  with  her,  to  induce  her  to  go,  they 
used  authority  over  her,  which  did  not  increase  her  readiness 


278  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

to  obey.  Then  commenced  a  terrible  scene  of  battle;  the 
attendant  seized  Bridget  by  the  hair,  when  Miss  Tryon  came 
to  the  rescue.  She  endeavored  to  pacify  both  parties,  by 
trying  to  induce  Bridget  Conelly  to  leave  the  hall.  But 
her  endeavors  were  not  successful  in  making  peace.  By  the 
help  of  another  attendant,  they  undertook  to  secure  the  obe- 
dience of  Bridget  by  brute  force.  Thus  they  succeeded  in 
what  they  called  "subduing  her."  Having  done  this,  and 
even  after  the  patient  had  yielded,  they  inflicted  upon  her  a 
terrible  beating.  Then  throwing  her  upon  the  floor,  they 
kicked,  pounded,  and  stamped  upon  her  with  both  feet. 
They  repeatedly  knocked  her  head  upon  the  floor  with  great 
violence,  pulled  up  her  head  by  the  hair,  pounding  it  with 
vehemence.  It  seemed  as  if  this  process  must  have  beaten 
all  the  sense  out  of  her,  which  was  indeed  the  case.  She  be- 
came almost  insensible  before  they  finished.  Exhausted  and 
overcome  with  suffering,  her  strength  now  entirely  failed. 
In  this  condition  they  dragged  her,  as  if  she  were  a  dead  car- 
cass, from  the  dining  room,  across  the  long  hall,  then  locked 
her  up,  and  left  her  alone  to  her  fate.  Miss  Tryon  said  she 
seemed  nearly  dead.  I  said  to  Miss  Tryon,  "The  Doctor 
ought  to  know  it." 

"  I  do  not  like  to  tell  him,  being  a  stranger  here;  and  I 
may  get  the  ill  will  of  the  attendants.  Dr.  McFarland  often 
instructs  us  to  observe  the  by-laws,  which  say  we  must  take 
the  attendants1  part, 'when  called  upon  to  do  so.  and  I  did  not 
continue  to  do  it  when  I  found  how  she  was  misusing  her." 

I  felt  that  I  could  appreciate  her  feelings,  and  could  not 
urge  her  to  tell  the  Doctor;  but  1  felt  that  a  responsibility 
rested  now  upon  me,  and  retired  to  my  room  to  seek  wisdom 
to  know  and  do  my  duty  with  reference  to  it.  While  thus 
employed,  Miss  Tryon  came  to  my  door,  and  asked  me  to 
promise  her  that  I  would  say  nothing  to  the  Doctor  about  it. 
I  told  her  I  would  not  make  such  a  promise  ;  that  I  had  the 
demands  of  my  own  conscience  to  meet,  and  I  should  do  what 
seemed  my  duty.  I  added,  however,  "You  have  nothing  to 
fear,  Miss  Tryon,  from  what  I  do ;  it  will  not  harm  you,  for 


A  GOOD   OMEN.  Ii79 

you  are  deserving  great  praise  for  what  you  have  done.  The 
stand  you  have  taken,  has  shown  you  to  be  true  to  your  na- 
ture— to  the  dictates  of  humanity ;  such  a  position  can  not 
harm  you.  It  will  exalt  you  more  than  any  course  you  can 
pursue.  Don't  fear  to  do  right ;  to  be  true  to  your  kind 
instincts,  for  this  is  the  only  true  road  to  preferment." 

I  again  asked  for  light  to  know  my  duty,  and  concluded  to 
report  to  the  Doctor  myself.  I  accordingly  did  so,  when  Dr. 
Tenny  came  to  my  room.  I  have  found  by  observation,  that 
Dr.  Tenny  possesses  a  heart.  He  has  not  permitted  the 
generous,  tender  sympathies  of  his  heart  to  ossify  as  Dr. 
McFarland  has  done,  by  turning  a  deaf  ear  to  the  claims  upon 
his  sympathy,  which  his  suffering  patients  demanded  of  him. 
We  can  go  to  Dr.  Tenny,  feeling  that  his  ear  is  not  deaf  to 
tne  dictates  of  reason  and  humanity.  We  find  he  has  a 
heart  to  pity,  and  feel  that  he  will  do  what,  in  reason,  he  can 
for  us.  The  prompt,  vigorous  response  he  made  to  my  ap- 
peal, shows  him  to  be  still  alive,  and  not  "dead  in  trespasses 
and  sins."  After  patiently  listening,  and  giving  me  opportu- 
nity to  unburden  my  heart  to  him,  by  telling  the  particulars 
of  the  case,  as  Miss  Tryon  related  them  to  me,  he  sought  the 
Doctor's  office  with  a  quick  step,  and  there  related  the  affair 
as  I  had  told  him,  accompanying  it  with  such  enthusiasm  and 
indignation,  that  it  seemed  to  arouse  the  intellect  of  Dr. 
McFarland.  He  saw  that  unless  he  did  something,  others 
would!  He  accordingly  summoned  Bridget  and  Miss  Tryon 
to  his  presence,  and  the  latter  was  called  on  to  relate  the 
story  herself.  She  did  so,  and  Bridget  did  not  deny  it.  The 
Doctor  then  summoned  Bridget  to  his  office,  and  gave  her  a 
discharge. 

Well  done,  for  Dr.  McFarland !  You  shall  have  all  the 
credit  due  you  for  doing  right,  whatever  influence  compels 

you. 


280  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

LXIX. 
Every  Moral  Act  Influences  the  Moral  Universe. 

(FROM  MY  JOURNAL  OP  1862.) 

I  congratulated  Dr.  McFarland  upon  his  energy  exhibited 
in  grappling  with  evil  here,  in  discharging  Bridget  so  promptly. 
Said  I  "  if  you  would  but  pursue  this  course  with  equal  ener- 
gy, a  little  longer,  you  could  soon  -eradicate  all  the  abuses 
which  now  exist  here.  Evil  begins  to  hide  its  head  in  shame 
here  now,  and  that  is  one  step  towards  its  extermination.  If 
Lincoln  would  but  grapple  with  the  rebellion  with  equal  en- 
ergy,and  put  slavery  into  the  grave  it  has  dug  for  the  Repub- 
lic as  he  ought  to,  the  government  could  be  saved." 

He  replied,  "he  ought  to  do  so,  but  he  is  too  good  a  man  to 
do  it." 

"  Yes,  I  see  he  is  afraid  to  do  right,  for  fear  of  consequences, 
but  this  is  not  from  an  excess  of  goodness,  but  from  a  want 
of  it.     Goodness  dares  to  do  right,  fearless  of  consequences. 
It  is  pusilanimity  or  weakness  which  fears  the  result  of  right 
doing." 

I  think  the  most  effectual  aid  we  can  give  Lincoln  to  bring 
him  to  do  right,  is  by  doing  right  ourselves.  Every  energet- 
ic act  in  us  adds  potency  to  the  moral  element  by  which  he  is 
to  be  moved  to  action.  Every  act  of  a  moral  agent  influen- 
ces the  entire  moral  universe.  Each  upright  act  adds  to  the 
strength  of  goodness  or  righteousness,  and  every  evil  act, 
gives  additional  power  to  the  principle  of  evil.  It  is  like 
throwing  a  stone  into  a  lake,  the  utmost  bounds  of  which  feels 
the  influence  of  the  ripple  occasioned  by  its  fall.  As  the 
ocean  is  made  up  of  the  drops,  so  the  moral  universe  is  com- 
posed of  individual  moral  acts.  Good  and  evil  seem  now  to 
commingle  in  this  great  ocean  life  promiscuously,  and  the  cur- 
rent of  both  seem  now  to  alternate  with  almost  equal  force. 
What  is  needed  is  a  condensation  of  the  good  influences  of 
the  universe  into  one  vast  gulf  stream,  sweeping  irresistibly 
through  the  groat  ocean  of  moral  life, bearing  down  all  obstacles 


DEATH   PENALTY.  281 

which  evil  interpose  to  its  progress.  "When  this  gulf  stream  is 
once  formed  and  set  in  motion,  its  progress  will  be  irresistible 
throughout  the  moral  universe.  God  is  now  at  work  separat- 
ing these  elements,  and  the  good  is  to  accumulate  and  con- 
dense into  one  great  engine  of  power  for  the  world's  benefit. 


LXX. 
The  Death  Penalty  to  be  Annihilated. 

Some  of  the  moral  forces  of  the  universe  have  already 
ripened  into  vigorous  manhood,  and  through  their  combined  in- 
fluence, evil  is  becoming  timid,  and  seeks  concealment,  which 
is  one  step  towards  its  annihilation. 

Like  the  concealing  of  the  gallows  from  public  ooservation 
into  the  prison  yard,  within  the  prison  walls,  indicating  that 
the  death  penalty  is  to  be  destroyed,  and  it  is  now  on  its  way 
to  destruction — this  may  be  what  is  meant  by  death  and  hell 
being  destroyed — that  the  death  penalty  and  punishment  both 
are  to  be  annihilated  in  that  community  where  moral  power 
has  acquired  its  manhood  strength,  and  can  stand  alone  self- 
reliant,  independent  of  penalties  for  its  existence,  just  as  a 
child  naturally  outgrows  his  educational  influences,  and  with 
them,  the  penalties  of  disobedience,  which  in  his  infancy  and 
childhood  are  necessary  helps  to  his  virtues.  But  when  these 
have  acquired  manly  strength,  he  no  longer  needs  restraint 
and  penalties,  but  can  be  trusted  to  take  care  of  himself  in- 
dependent of  dictation  or  control  from  others.  In  his  own 
heart  he  has  the  only  monitor  he  needs  for  virtuous  action, 
viz  :  the  dictates  of  an  enlightened  conscience. 

Dr.  McFarland  says  he  does  not  believe  in  annihilating  the 
death  penalty  for  murder — that  he  has  not  progressed  so  far  as 
that — for  lie  says,  "  Did  not  God  command  life  to  be  taken  for 
life  ?  Did  he  not  command  Agag  to  be  hewn  in  pieces  as  his 
punishment  ?" 


282  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  replied,  "  Yes,  he  did,  but  I  do  not  therefore  infer  that 
we  have  a  right  so  to  do  for  He  himself  was  the  law-maker  and 
the  executive  of  the  Jewish  code.  Of  course  every  law  was 
just  and  right,  being  wisely  adapted  to  the  infant  state  in  which 
the  race  of  men  then  existed." 

He  inquired,  "  do  you  think  the  race  is  in  any  better 
condition  now  than  it  was  then?" 

"  I  consider  they  are  in  a  more  developed  state  ;  good  and 
evil  are  both  stronger  and  more  vigorous,  because  their  capa- 
cities have  increased.  In  consequence  of  this  growth  or  de- 
velopment, a  different  kind  of  training  is  required  to  adapt 
itself  to  man's  higher  nature.  For  example,  you  would  not 
feel  justified  in  using  the  same  kind  of  discipline  over  your 
developed  son  of  twenty-one  years,  as  with  your  son  of  three 
or  five  years.  To  attempt  to  compel  him  with  penalties  and 
restraints  as  you  do  your  child,  would  be  trifling  with  his 
manhood,  insulting  his  manly  feelings,  and  would  justly  bring 
you  and  your  authority  into  derision.  So  God  having  him- 
self controlled  the  race  in  its  childhood,  and  as  their  father 
until  they  were  of  age,  when  they  must  require  a  different 
kind  of  training,  he  then  abrogated  the  Jewish  code,  and  in- 
stituted in  its  place,  the  Christian  dispensation,  of  which 
Christ  was  the  expounder.  Now,  instead  of  returning  "  an 
eye  for  an  eye,  and  a  tooth  for  a  tooth,"  we  must  return  good 
for  evil,  and  leave  judgment  and  vengeance  for  our  wrongs,  to 
Him  who  judgeth  righteous  judgment.  For  he  says  "ven- 
geance is  mine,  T  will  repay."  I  do  not  think  it  is  right  for 
one  sinner  to  punish  another  sinner.  None  but  a  righteous 
person  is  capable  of  inflicting  a  righteous  punishment.  God 
knowing  this,  instructs  us  to  leave  this  matter  entirely  to  him- 
self.  He  may  raise  up  and  qualify  a  class  of  capacitated  judges 
from  the  human  race,  to  whom  this  power  of  judgment  maybe 
delegated. 

"But  I  think  this  will  never  be  the  case,  so  long  as  God's  im- 
age in  man  is  so  defaced.  This  lost  image  of  the  godhead 
must  be  restored  in  man,  before  he  can  be  fitted  to  be  God's 
representative  on  the  earth  as  judge  of  his  fellow  men. 


DEATH  PENALTY.  283 

"  I  think  the  time  is  not  far  distant  when  righteousness  shall 
be  established  on  the  earth ;  when  Christ-like  men  will  rule 
supreme  over  fallen  perverted  humanity.  Then  the  demon, 
Penalty,  will  give  place  to  the  law  of  love  and  kindness,  by 
means  of  which  the  trangressor  will  be  reformed  and  restored 
to  virtue,  instead  of  being  crushed  down  and  debased  by  pen- 
alties as  he  now  is.  His  god-like  nature  is  now  trampled  in 
the  dust,  and  no  efforts  to  rise  are  encouraged,  but  rather 
smothered  by  attempts  to  degrade  him  to  the  level  of  a  beast. 
Punishments  of  a  corporeal  kind,  are  only  adapted  to  man  as 
an  animal,  in  the  earlier  stages  of  his  existence  ;  their  influ- 
ences can  never  be  salutary  after  he  has  become  a  reasonable 
and  accountable  moral  agent.  He  then  sins  through  his  rea- 
son and  his  intelligence,  and  he  must  be  punished  through  his 
moral  faculties  as  God  has  ordained.  Shame  and  contrition, 
must  be  awakened  through  the  influence  of  respectful  kind- 
ness, to  the  wrong  doer  ;  not  by  trying  to  degrade  the  noble 
faculties  of  his  nature,  to  a  state  of  insensibility  to  moral 
influences  by  punishments. 

"The  more  man  becomes  developed  as  a  reasonable  being,  the 
more  sensitive  he  becomes  to  those  penal  enactments  whose 
legitimate  tendencies  are  to  obstruct,  limit  and  destroy  the 
natural  aspirations  of  a  moral  agent.  The  age  of  penalties, 
seems  now  to  have  culminated  in  this  horrible  civil  war,  where- 
in the  developed  reason  of  man,  is  fiendishly  employed  in  in- 
venting means  of  destroying  one  another  in  the  most  barbar- 
ous manner.  This  crisis  once  passed,  I  believe  the  reign  of 
peace  will  be  inaugurated,  wherein  virtue  will  be  protected, 
and  cultivated  by  the  influence  of  love  and  kindness,  entirely 
independent  of  penalties  and  restraints." 

Now  I  claim,  that  these  principles  of  punishment  are  appli- 
cable to  these  Asylum  Systems,  and  also  of  reforming  Dr. 
McFarland,  and  other  great  sinners. 


284  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

LXXL 
I  was  Punished  for  Telling  the  Truth. 

The  power  of  truth  is  irresistible,  and  disturbs  this  hidden 
nest  of  iniquity.  I  make  no  side  thrusts  through  fear  of  the 
powers  that  be,  knowing  that  they  are  wicked  powers  that 
cannot  harm  me,  because  held  in  check  by  the  Highest.  And 
so  long  as  I  do  not  prove  traitor  to  this  highest  power,  I  can 
claim  protection  under  it.  But  the  first  compromise  with 
these  hidden  powers  of  evil  cuts  me  off  from  all  claims  to  the 
protection  of  the  higher  constitution. 

They  try  to  make  themselves  believe  that  it  is  slander 
which  I  utter  when  attacking  the  evils  of  this  house ;  still 
they  know  them  to  be  sad  truths,  which  they  would  vainly 
deny,  and  reproach  me,  the  medium,  as  insane,  hoping  thus  to 
render  my  testimony  nugatory.  Did  they  see  I  attacked  only 
fancied  evils,  they  would  not  be  thus  disturbed  by  my  tes- 
timony. But  since  they  know  it  is  real  tangible  truth, 
which  I  speak,  therefore  their  consciences  accuse  them,  and 
in  despair  they  are  driven  to  seek  this  means  of  quieting  them. 
Could  they  only  make  me  act  as  they  have  made  Mrs.  Farn- 
side  act,  they  would  be  relieved,  of  an  intolerate  burden. 
Then  they  could  tell  of  my  own  actions  in  support  of  their 
theory  of  my  insanity,  without  telling  in  connection  with  them 
the  great  provocation  which  elicited  such  a  mode  of  defensive 
action.  Mrs.  Farnside  was  subjected  to  an  ordeal  which  she 
could  not  sustain.  She  fell  into  a  passion  before  this  tempta- 
tion, and  under  the  influence  of  this  temper,  she  lost  her  digni- 
fied self  possession.  She  descended  from  the  plane  of  lady-like 
resentment,  to  their  own  low  plane  of  brutality,  and  acted 
tlien  like  her  tormentors. 

Thus  she  put  herself  in  their  power,  so  that  they  can  now 
say  of  her  that  "  they  were  afraid  of  her,"  just  as  she  had 
had  reason  to  say  of  them,  that  "she  was  afraid  of  them;" 
and  for  this  very  reason  she  had  to  defend  herself  from  them. 
Although  there  is  precisely  the  same  reason  for  fear,  in  both 


TRUTH'S  PENALTY.  285 

cases,  yet,  Mrs.  Farnside  bearing  the  brand  of  insanity,  has 
to  be  represented  as  dangerous  on  account  of  her  insanity, 
while  their  own  insanity,  although  more  marked,  is  entirely 
left  out.  So  it  is  in  this  hidden  den  of  iniquity,  the  innocent 
do  suffer  for  the  guilty  actions  of  their  keepers. 

Seeing  at  a  glance  the  artful  workings  of  this  hidden  mode 
of  treatment,  I  determined  to  face  the  enemy  in  open  opposi- 
tion to  the  powers  that  be,  resisting  all  the  consequences  to 
myself  or  others  ;  therefore  I  became  a  staunch  advocate  and 
defender  of  truth  and  justice,  being  extremely  careful  how 
ever  to  be  just  to  myself,  while  I  was  trying  to  be  just  to 
others.  That  is,  I  was  careful  not  to  put  myself  in  their  pow- 
er, by  coming  on  to  their  plane  at  all.  From  this  higher  plat- 
form of  principle,  I  could  look  down  upon  them  on  their  lower 
plane  of  passion,  policy,  "deception  and  brutality,  and,  from 
this  standpoint,  I  could  command  the  moral  courage  to  be  their 
reprover,  and  their  reporter  to  the  world.  They  envied  my 
position  and  determined  to  take  my  fort  by  strategy,  since 
open  attacks  had  proved  so  unsuccessful.  Their  chagrin 
at  their  hitherto  signal  defeats  had  become  exceedingly  embar- 
rassing, and  as  their  machinery  had  hitherto  proved  success- 
ful in  almost  every  other  instance,  they  were  very  loth  to  aban- 
don the  siege.  It  was  for  this  reason  I  was  kept  so  long, 
and  made  to  feel  the  force  of  all  the  combined  powers  of  this 
dark  house  of"  darkest  deeds,  before  they  would  abandon  the 
siege  against  tnis  impregnable,  invincible  fortress  of  calm 
self -composure.  They  feared  me,  not  because  I  would  fight 
them  as  Mrs.  Farnside- did,  but  they  feared  me  because  I 
would  not  fight  at  all.  It  was  for  this  reason  Dr  McFarland 
wrote  to  my  friends,  in  the  heat  of  these  battles,  "  Mrs.  Pack- 
ard has  become  a  dangerous  patient,  it  will  not  be  safe  to  have 
her  in  any  private  family!"  And  Mr.  David  Field,  of  Gran- 
ville,  Illinois,  wrote  in  reply  to  this  information,  and  very  res- 
pectfully inquired  what  evidence  I  had  given  in  my  own  actions 
of  being  a  "dangerous  patient;"  when  he  insolently  replied,  "I 
do  not  deem  it  my  duty  to  answer  impertintent  questions  1" 

He  knew    that  it  would  be  "  dangerous"  to  have  me  in  any 


286  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

private  family  long,  for  then  they  would  find  out  what  he  had, 
that  I  was  an  uncompromising  defender  of  truth  and  justice, 
and  such  weapons  he  feared,  and  might  well  call  them  ' l  dan- 
gerous" to  his  interests  in  the  hands  of  a  free  woman  !  He 
knew  too  well,  that  no  bribes,  no  threats,  no  punishments 
could  throw  me  off  from  the  track  I  had  chosen  to  pass  my 
earth  life  upon.  And  since  I  had  baffled  his  skill  and  gigan- 
tic powers  in  this  attempt,  he  was  sure  the  only  safe  place 
for  such  a  woman,  was  behind  the  dead-locks  of  an  Insane 
Asylum  ! 

Mrs.  Chapman  told  me  one  night  at  the  dance,  that  she  had 
inquired  of  Mrs.  McFarland  why  they  did  treat  me  so  abusive- 
ly, so  unreasonably,  so  persistently  evil;  to  which  she  replied 
<lit  is  because  she  slanders  the  house." 

I  replied,  "  there  is  nothing  so  cutting  as  the  truth  ;  they 
have  become  convinced  that  I  am  a  fearless  truth  teller ; 
therefore  they  fear  me.  She- is  at  liberty  to  prove  my  repre- 
sentations slanderous  and  false,  if  she  can,  but  she  is  not  at 
liberty  to  defame  my  character  to  disprove  them." 

She  then  added,  "  I  have  also  consulted  Dr.  Tenny  about 
your  case.  I  said  to  him,  how  can  you  treat  Mrs.  Packard  as 
you  do?  it  would  drive  me  distracted  and  dethrone  my  reason 
entirely,  to  be  put  through  such  a  process  ;  and  then  to  persist, 
so  long,  in  so  abusing  an  innoceut  and  injured  woman,  is  be- 
yond all  precedent  ;  how  can  you  do  so?" 

"I  am  only  a  subordinate,  I  cannot  help  it,"  was  his 
reply. 

I  then  told  her,  "  Mrs.  McFarland  has  been  an  angel  of  con- 
solation to  me  ;  when  I  was  so  exceedingly  sorrowful,  before 
Miss  Smith's  discharge,  she  actually  shed  tears  of  pity  for  me, 
and  did  try  to  raise  my  dyiug  hopes,  by  assuring  me,  I  might 
hope  her  husband  would  send  me  home  before  long." 

"  Yes,  she  can  talk  sympathy,  but  why  don't  she  do  some- 
thing for  you  ?  Talking  sympathy  is  not  what  you  want ; 
you  want  to  be  treated  as  your  character  deserves  to  be 
treated." 

"  Mrs.  McFarland  did  say  she  could  not  help  my  being  placed 


TRUTH'S  PENALTY.  287 

amongst  the  maniacs,  to  be  subject  to  their  injurious  treat- 
ment, but  she  said  she  would  send  me  something  occasionally 
from  their  own  table.  And  she  has  done  so.  Once  she  brought 
me  herself  under  her  apron  or  in  her  pocket,  a  tumbler  of  jelly 
and  a  teaspoon  to  eat  it  with.  And  another  time  I  had  a 
quantity  of  loaf-sugar  and  lemons  and  a  pitcher  of  ice  water 
sent  into  my  room  from  their  kitchen.  She  also  consented  to 
Mrs.  Coe's  (the  cook)  bringing  me  good  things  from  their 
kitchen,  or  anything  else  she  chose  to  bring,  for  my  comfort. 
And  Mrs.  Coe  has  availed  herself  of  this  right,  and  brought 
me  apples  in  abundance,  and  raisins,  and  oranges,  and  prunes 
some  of  which  she  bought  with  her  own  money.  She  brings 
me  strawberries  and  sugar,  and  cherries  and  melons,  which 
Mr.  Jones  the  Superintendent  of  the  Asylum  farm  sends  me,  by 
permission  from  Mrs.  McFarland,  so  that  through  her  influ- 
ence, I  have  my  sorrows  lessened  perhaps  as  much  as  it  is 
possible  for  her  to  do,  under  the  circumstances.  Indeed,  since 
Mrs.  Coe  has  been  our  cook,  and  this  license  given  her,  I  have 
hardly  been  a  day  without  some  extra  luxury  in  my  room  for 
my  health  and  comfort,  such  as  fruits,  cakes,  and  confection- 
eries. Now  I  think  this  is  "  doing  something." 

"  Yes,  it  is  a  comfort  to  be  thus  cared  for  in  your  now  for- 
lorn condition,  but  that  is  not  restoring  you  to  your  family  and 
society,  as  you  ought  to  be." 

"  No  it  is  not,  but  the  hope  of  being  so,  is  next  to  the  frui- 
tion, and  Mrs.  McFarland  held  this  hope  before  me  as  a  solace 
by  saying,  "  1  can  assure  you  the  Doctor  will  never  consent 
to  take  you  into  this  Institution  again  ;  you  may  settle  your 
mind  upon  that  point,  and  I  think  the  Doctor  did  very  wrong 
to  listen  to  Mr.  Packard  so  much  ;  and  he^ught  to  have  sent 
you  home  long  ago  !"  and  such  like  rays  of  hope.  But  I 
sometimes  think,  Mrs.  Chapman,  that  I  have  felt  more  impa 
tient  since  she  inspired  this  hope  than  before.  I  have  been 
like  the  soldier  so  long  trying  to  keep  down  an  inordinate  de- 
sire to  see  my  children  once  more,  a  free  woman,  that  the 
least  probability  of  the  closing  of  the  campaign  almost  fills 
me  with  ecstacy,  and  each  blighting  of  a  hope  of  this  kind 


288  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

seems  harder  and  harder  to  be  borne.  Another  thing  I  have 
found,  Mrs.  Chapman,  to  be  indispensible  to  my  support,  is  to 
keep  myself  constantly  employed, that  my  mind  do  not  prey  up- 
on itself.  My  heart  is  so  keenly  alive  to  emotions  and  impres- 
sions, that  a  track  is  necessary  for  me  to  move  upon,  or  it 
might  become  morbidly  sensitive  if  left  to  itself.  I  therefore 
conscientiously  employ  each  hour  according  to  a  set  plan  for 
systematic  employment.  And  in  this  too,  I  am  aided  by  Mrs. 
McFarland,  for  she  lets  me  buy  cotton  knitting  yarn,  by  the 
pound,  and  as  much  muslin  as  I  want  to  embroider  bands  and 
trimmings  of  any  style  I  choose.  And  I  am  accumulating 
an  immense  amount  of  embroidery  for  my  own  and  my  daugh- 
ter's under-clothes,  expecting,  as  you  see,  to  live  in  the  world 
a  long  time  yet  to  need  it  I" 

"  Yes,  the  bow  of  hope  is  always  to  be  seen  in  your  hori- 
zon." 

"Is  it  not  well  to  have  it  so?1' 

"  Yes  if  you  can — but  were  I  in  your  situation  I  think  I 
should  give  up  in  despair." 

"What  would  that  accomplish?" 

"  Nothing,    but   to  let    them   see   the  wreck    they   had 
caused  !" 

However  her  argument  failed  to  dispirit  me.  Indeed  I  felt 
stronger  for  her  sympathy,  and  determined  to  let  matters 
take  their  natural  course,  believing  that  the  dark  riddle 
would  be  sometime  made  plain  to  my  comprehension.  I  was 
now  suffering  what  I  was  put  in  to  receive — a  "dressing  down" 
for  daring  to  speak  the  truth  respecting  the  church  dogmas  ; 
and  now  I  must  not  turn  back,  but  face  this  new  enemy  I 
have  called  into  the  field,  by  boldness  of  speech  here— and  must 
endure  my  punishment  for  telling  the  truth  about  the  Insane 
Asylum  dogmas.  Yes,  I  am  being  punished  for  telling  the 
truth  I  And  God  grant  I  may  never  escape  from  this  cala- 
boose of  torture,  by  recanting  the  truth  respecting  creeds  or 
Asylums  ! 


WRONG  ACTIONS.  289 

LXXIL 
Wrong  Actions  are  Suicidal. 

I  asked  the  Doctor  if  he  would  answer  one  Question,  to 
determine  whether  I  was  a  "  discerner  of  spirits,"  or  not,  viz: 
"Has  there  not  recently  sprung  up  in  your  heart  a  desire 
that  justice  should  be  done  me?" 

"  Yes,  you  are  correct  in  discerning  that  spirit  in  me  ;  but 
as  to  the  time  you  are  not." 

"If  I  have  been  mistaken  there,  I  should  be  glad  to  know 
it;  for  if  you  have  hitherto  exerted  a  protective  power,  I 
have  failed  to  perceive  it.  It  is  a  mystery  I  can  not  solve." 

"It  is  no  mystery;  it  is  perfectly  plain." 

"  I  don't  see  how  you  can  protect  me,  and  yet  deny  me  the 
right  of  self-defense." 

"  "What  you  call  a  defense,  is  really  an  assault." 

"No,  Sir.  I  do  not  assault.  I  only  try  to  defend  myself 
against  an  assault  upon  my  rights  and  character.  Is  the  de- 
fense of  the  government  an  assault  upon  the  South?  No,  it 
is  defending  itself  against  a  villain  who  has  assaulted  to  take 
its  life.  In  defending  my  character,  I  am  compelled  to  destroy 
Mr.  Packard's,  simply  by  exhibiting  my  own.  And  I  have  a 
right  to  my  own  character;  and  when  it  is  assailed  by  slander, 
I  have  a  right  to  live  it  down;  and  if  his  character  can't  stand 
before  my  sanity,  he  must  fall — not  because  I  assaulted  him, 
but  because  he  assaulted  my  sanity.  I  have  done  nothing  to 
destroy  his  character.  He  has  done  the  whole  work  himself. 

"W- notions  are  suicidal  in  themselves." 


LXXIII. 
Mrs.  Sybil  Dole— A  Fallen  Woman. 

Fast  day.     I  do  believe  in  the  efficacy  of  prayer.     Praying 
breath  is  not  spent  in   vain.     God   has  broken  for  me  my 

N 


290  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

chains  of  married  servitude,  and  now  it  is  my  chief  business 
to  get  my  prisoner's  .bonds  severed.  I  struggle,  labor,  and 
pray  for  this  daily.  But  delays  are  not  denials.  Is  defeat  an 
indication  of  God's  disapproval  ?  or  is  it  a  test  of  my  fidelity 
and  perseverance  in  surmounting  obstacles  in  doing  my  duty? 
I  believe  I  am  sometimes  tempted,  by  the  suggestions  of 
friends,  as  well  as  enemies.  0,  God,  do  let  me  know  when 
Satan  sends  me  a  message,  as  well  as  when  he  brings  me  one. 

I  think  the  arch-deceiver  oftentimes  employs  the  husband 
as  the  bearer  of  his  messages  to  his  wife,  by  allowing  him  to 
destroy  her  identity.  The  wife  yields  to  the  husband  the 
right  of  a  despot,  to  rule  her  independently  of  her  reason. 
Mr.  Packard's  sister,  Sybil  Dole,  wife  of  Deacon  Dole,  of 
Manteno,  is  an  example  of  this  class  of  fallen  women.  She 
thinks  it  is  her  duty  to  do  what  her  husband  requires  her  to 
do,  even  if  her  own  reason  and  conscience  dictate  to  the  con- 
trary. This  is  wronging  ourselves  of  the  right  to  be  ruled 
by  the  Christ  within  us.  It  is  forging  our  own  chains,  to 
confine  us  in  the  pit  of  destruction.  When  we  have  once 
broken  our  allegiance  to  Christ,  by  obeying  man  in  preference 
to  him,  we  have  seceded  from  God's  government,  and  must 
henceforth  be  regarded  as  traitors,  by  all  holy  intelligences. 
Every  subsequent  act  enhances  our  guilt,  so  we  at  length  be- 
come conscientiously  wrong.  At  this  point,  no  force  but 
omnipotence  can  turn  us.  "Blindness  hath  then  happened 
unto  Israel."  Mrs.  Dole  is  now  employed  as  Mr.  Packard's 
coadjutor,  in  carrying  out  this  dreadful  conspiracy. 

Once  at  our  house,  I  heard  her  give  me  this  answer  to  my 
question,  "  How  do  you  like  the  New  Church  doctrines  ?  "  viz: 
"I  can't  tell  whether  they  are  true  or  not,  for  I  dare  not  trust 
my  reason  to  decide;  I  want  Brother  to  judge  for  me.  Al- 
though it  may  appear  clear  to  me,  yet  there  maybe  sophistry 
which  my  mind  can  not  detect." 

Her  brother,  in  whose  presence  this  remark  was  made,  feel- 
ing complimented  by  it,  replied,  "It  is  difficult  for  an  undis- 
ciplined mind  to  detect  the  fallacy  of  the  reasoning." 

Here  she  trusts  her  brother's  reason  more  than  her  own, 


MRS.   DOLE.  291 

and  thinks  she  is  doing  a  praiseworthy  act  by  so  doing  !  when 
in  reality,  she  is  taking  the  direct  steps  towards  extinguishing 
her  own  reason  entirely.  And  she  has  already  become  so 
insane  as  to  be  used  as  her  brother's  tool,  in  carrying  out  his 
plot  against  me  and  my  children.  Whatever  he  dictates,  she 
feels  no  scruples  in  doing.  If  she  allowed  her  own  nature  to 
control  her  actions,  she,  being  a  mother,  could  not  encourage 
her  brother  in  taking  me  from  my  darling  babe  and  other 
precious  ones,  claiming  that  she  had  a  better  right  to  train 
my  own  flesh  and  blood  than  I  had  myself!  No,  no.  Were 
she  the  true  woman  of  nature  God  made  her  to  be,  she  would 
sooner  cut  off  her  right  hand  than  put  such  heavy  burdens 
upon  a  sister  as  she  has  placed  upon  me  to  bear.  But  she 
has  become  so  hardened  and  obdurate,  in  her  long  disloyalty 
to  God's  government,  that  instead  of  bestowing  one  word  oi 
womanly  pity  upon  me  for  being  thus  bereft  of  my  darling 
children,  she  even  boasts  of  the  obligations  she  has  placed  me 
under  to  her  for  taking  care  of  my  own  children  for  met 

No,  Mrs.  Dole,  I  do  not  thank  you  for  taking  care  of  my  chil- 
dren; but  I  would  rather  thank  you  to  let  them  alone,  and  let 
them  receive  the  care  of  that  mother  whom  God  had  placed 
over  them  for  this  very  purpose.  God,  through  our  unperverted 
natures,  requires  us,  to  "  weep  with  those  who  weep,  and  re- 
joice with  those  who  rejoice ;"  but  perverted  nature,  like 
Mrs.  Dole's,  rejoices  in  the  sorrows  of  her  sister,  and  weeps 
over  her  successes.  It  is  my  prayer  that  her  eyes  may  be 
opened  in  this  life  to  see  the  great  wrong  she  has  done,  in 
using  her  influence  to  break  up  our  once  happy  family,  by 
listening  to  her  brother's  misrepresentations,  instead  of  the 
dictates  of  her  own  reason  and  conscience.  That  she  did 
yield,  is  evident,  from  the  fact  that  she  wrote  to  my  son  at 
Mt.  Pleasant,  Iowa,  about  the  time  of  my  abduction,  that  she 
had  seen  no  evidence  of  insanity  in  his  mother,  but  she  must 
believe  she  was  insane,  because  " Brother  says  she  is!" 

Would  she  feel  that  I  should  be  doing  right,  if  I  should  en- 
courage her  husband  in  taking  her  from  her  family  as  I  was 
taken,  simply  on  the  representations  of  her  angry  husband, 


292  THE  PRISONEK'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

even  when  my  own  observations  demonstrated  them  to  be 
false  representations  ?  No,  Mrs.  Dole  would  feel  that  when 
such  tender  ties  as  bound  her  to  her  children,  came  to  be  thus 
sundered,  she  was  under  no  obligation  to  me  for  first  making 
her  children  motherless,  and  then  bestowing  upon  them  her 
care.  For  her,  I  can  offer  the  prayer  Christ  did  for  his  mur- 
derers, "Father,  forgive  her,"  believing  Christ  meant  by  this 
petition  to  ask  his  Father  to  bring  his  accusers  to  repentance, 
knowing  that  his  Father  himself  could  not  forgive  them  un- 
less they  did  repent  first. 

So,  sister,  repent  1  I  can  forgive  you  all,  and  so  can  our 
common  Father,  on  this,  his  own  condition. 

LXXIY. 
Can  a  Blind  Person  See? 

The  Doctor  and  I  have  had  another  talk  upon  the  fallacious 
evidence  which  opinions  afford,  of  insanity,  just  as  the  color 
of  the  eyes  is  a  fallacious  evidence  of  blindness.  Said  I, 
"  Supposing  an  application  be  made  to  the  Blind  Institution 
here,  to  admit  a  seeing  person,  reported  to  be  blind,  by  her 
husband,  and  his  testimony  corroborated  by  forty*  witnesses 
and  two  physicians.  Now,  supposing  this  Institution,  estab- 
lished for  the  blind  alone,  should  have  become  so  perverted, 
as  to  admit  any  person,  who  had  any  disease  of  the  eyes,  or 
even  a  weakness  of  the  optic  nerve ;  therefore  this  entirely 
sound  person  is  admitted,  on  testimony,  and  the  Superintend- 
ent confirms  this  testimony  that  she  is  blind.  This  accumu- 
lated amount  of  testimony  does  not  satisfy  the  individual  that 
she  is  blind,  nor  a  party  outside,  who  claim  she  is  not  blind. 
Now  what  is  to  be  done  ?  The  lady  contends  she  can  prove, 
from  her  own  acts,  that  she  can  see,  and  the  Superintendent, 
after  closely  watching  her  for  two  years,  fails  to  find  in  her 
one  act  indicating  any  loss  of  sight.  Must  not  the  individual 

*Mr.  Packard  brought  forty  church  members1  names  to  support  his  testimony 
against  me. 


CAN  A  BLIND  PERSON  SEE.  293 

herself  be  tested,  in  order  to  settle  this  controverted  question? 
Supposing  an  impartial  tribunal  decide  that  the  lady  herself, 
has  given  them  every  evidence  that  can  be  given,  that  her 
sight  is  not  in  the  least  degree  impaired — what  does  this 
array  of  opinions  that  she  is  blind,  now  amount  to,  before  the 
fact  that  she  does  see  distinctly  ?  Now  let  this  case  be  pub- 
lished, demonstrating  the  fact  that  the  Superintendent  of  the 
Blind  Institution  insists  upon  it,  that  a  lady  is  hopelessly 
blind,  when  she  really  can  see  clearly — would  the  public  feel 
confidence  in  their  Superintendent's  decisions  afterwards?  I 
think  not ;  but  on  the  contrary,  they  would  decide  that  the 
Superintendent  must  be  blind  himself,  and  therefore  unfit  for 
his  office.  But  supposing  he  should  admit  that  the  lady  can 
see,  but  she  don't  see  riglvt ;  for  instance,  she  contends  that 
the  moon  looks  to  her  as  large  as  a  cart  wheel,  while  he  says 
it  should  look  only  as  large  as  a  saucer.  Now  the  common 
people,  or  the  public  tribunal,  more  than  ever,  see  their  Su- 
perintendent's folly;  for  the  very  fact  that  it  looks  to  her  as 
large  as  a  cart  wheel,  demonstrates  that  she  is  not  blind,  and 
that  her  organ  of  vision,  too,  is  not  peculiar,  for  there  is  just 
this  difference  in  the  size  of  the  same  object,  as  seen  through 
different  organizations.  Now,  Dr.  McFarland,  tell  me,  is 
reason,  which  is  the  eye  of  the  soul,  extinct,  while  the  indi- 
vidual gives  every  evidence  that  it  is  in  full  and  healthy 
exercise  ?  " 

He  replied,  "  There  is  a  certain  kind  of  disease  of  the  eye 
which  can  not  be  detected  by  common  people  ;  it  takes  great 
learning  and  the  highest  kind  of  professional  skill  to  detect  it; 
and  besides,  this  kind  of  optical  disease  is  hopeless — there  is 
no  cure  for  this  kind  of  blindness." 

"You  mean,  Doctor,  that  when  blindness  is  caused  by  this 
peculiar  disease,  it  is  regarded  as  a  case  of  hopeless  blindness?" 

"Yes,  it  is  so." 

"You  say  it  requires  great  skill  to  detect  the  cause  of  this 
kind  of  blindness.  Does  it  require  anything  more_than  simple 
common  sense  to  detect  "blindness  itself?" 

The  Doctor  here  took  an  abrupt  leave  of  both  me  and  my 
argument,  without  even  answering  my  question. 


294  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

LXXY. 

Human  Instincts  Above  Human  Enactments. 

There  is  no  liberty  where  there  is  no  law.  Liberty  is 
complete  only  where  every  man  is  efficiently  protected  in  the 
exercise  of  his  rights.  The  press  is  not  free  where  nothing 
is  printed  which  has  not  been  examined  beforehand  by  author- 
ity. Freedom  without  responsibility  is  an  impossible  thing. 
Every  human  right  is  limited  just  by  that  one  principle  of 
common  sense,  that  no  man  has  a  right  to  do  wrong.  The 
freedom  of  the  press  is  limited,  just  as  the  freedom  of  lucifer 
matches  is  limited.  The  freedom  of  the  press  is  not  a  free- 
dom to  commit  any  crime  against  the  rights  of  individuals  or 
against  the  commonwealth. 

God's  laws  are  above  all  other  laws,  and  therefore  human 
instincts  are  above  all  human  enactments.  No  matter  what 
the  penalty — the  more  atrocious  and  cruel,  the  more  certain 
are  they  to  be  disregarded.  No  human  power  can  stand  a 
law,  in  violation  of  our  natural  instincts.  Every  law  made 
for  peace,  at  the  sacrifice  of  principle  ought  to  be  abrogated. 
Toleration  is  not  freedom.  The  very  word  implies  a  power 
to  restrain. 

Our  present  Insane  Asylum  System  ignores  these  principles. 
It  says,  "  God's  laws  are  subject  to  human  enactments."  It 
tramples  upon  the  highest  and  noblest  instincts  of  our  nature, 
and  enthrones  an  autocrat  to  rule  over  them,  instead  of  the 
rule  of  reason.  The  law  of  sympathy,  which  God  has  estab- 
lished in  our  natures,  as  one  of  its  noblest  elements,  suffers 
strangulation  under  this  Asylum  System. 

Instead  of  developing  this  faculty  in  a  normal  manner,  by 
caring  for  and  administering  to  the  unfortunate  one,  whom 
Providence  has  placed  under  our  charge,  for  our  own  espe- 
cial discipline  and  development,  we  admit  the  human  law  of 
charitable  institutions  to  usurp  this  holy  instinct  of  human 
sympathy,  and  its  aspirations  die  out  for  want  of  their  natural 
nutriment  to  perfect  the  vigorous  growth  it  naturally  seeks 


HUMAN  INSTINCTS.  295 

for  in  the  human  soul.  Thus  God's  law,  or  our  human  in- 
stinct of  sympathy,  is  supplanted  by  human  enactments. 

No  matter  how  large  the  compensation  offered  in  lieu  of 
this  usurpation,  nothing  can  compensate  for  the  blemish  our 
divine  natures  receive  by  this  soul  strangulating  process. 
The  orphan,  for  instance,  who,  in  order  to  receive  the  benefits 
of  the  Orphan  Asylum,  is  compelled  first  to  sever  the  purest 
and  holiest  affection  of  his  nature — the  love  of  his  parent — 
as  his  necessary  passport  to  the  benefits  of  the  Institution. 
The  price  is  too  dear — the  equivalent  received  can  not  be 
commensurate  to  the  loss  sustained  to  secure  it.  But  if, 
instead  of  depriving  the  orphan  of  a  mother's  love — its  God 
given  heritage — they  should  so  disburse  the  charities  of  the 
Institution  as  to  secure  this  influence  to  the  child,  as  the  first 
God  given  right  of  his  nature;  then  these  charities  would  act 
in  concert  and  harmony  with  God's  law,  instead  of  conflicting 
with  it,  as  the  Orphan  Asylums  now  are  compelled  to  do  by 
their  present  system. 

So  in  the  case  of  the  insane — to  sever  them  from  the  sym- 
pathy of  their  own  kindred,  is  to  deprive  them  of  the  first 
God  given  right  of  their  nature ;  and  no  adequate  equivalent 
can  be  rendered  as  a  compensation  for  this  usurpation.  But 
if  the  charities  of  our  present  Insane  Asylum  System  could  be 
appropriated  so  as  to  act  in  concert  with  this  influence,  then 
would  this  system  bless  both  the  giver  and  the  receiver  of 
natural  affection  and  human  sympathy.  They  would  then  be 
doing  right  by  their  unfortunates,  and  as  the  result  of  a  law 
of  our  nature,  they  would  consequently  feel  right  towards 
them.  Whereas  our  present  system  compels  them  to  act  wrong 
towards  them,  by  severing  them  from  home  influences  ;  and 
they,  of  course,  come  to  feel  wrong  towards  them,  as  the  inev- 
itable result.  First  comes  a  feeling  of  indifference,  as  the 
result  of  casting  off  a  responsibility  which  God  had  laid  upon 
them  to  bear  ;  then  succeeds  the  feeling  of  alienation,  as  the 
heart  gradually  ossifies  by  this  extinction  of  human  sympa- 
thy, which  a  neglect  of  our  practical  duties  to  our  natural 
responsibilities  produces. 


296  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  never  knew  this  legitimate  tendency  of  our  present  sys- 
tem to  lead  to  any  different  results,  when  practically  applied. 
Therefore,  in  order  to  place  the  axe  at  the  root  of  the  evils 
of  our  Insane  Asylum  System,  and  other  eleemosynary  insti- 
tutions, there  must  be  a  recognition  of  this  great  fundamental 
truth,  that  human  instincts  are  above  human  enactments. 


LXXVI. 
The  Prisoner  Who  Called  Himself  "Jesus  Christ  P 

One  evening  at  our  dancing  parties  I  was  introduced  to  a 
fine  looking  young  man,  with  whom  I  held  a  very  agreeable 
and  intelligent  conversation,  wherein  I  failed  to  detect  any 
indications  of  loss  of  reason,  or  mental  unsoundness.  Know- 
ing that  he  was  a  new  arrival,  I,  of  course,  looked  for  some 
mental  aberration,  as  his  passport  to  the  privileges  of  our  In- 
stitution. But  having  signally  failed,  after  the  most  search- 
ing scrutiny,  to  detect  the  slightest  title  to  this  claim,  I  be- 
gan to  fear  here  was  another  smuggled  victim  of  some  evil 
plot.  The  longer  I  conversed,  the  more  confirmed  was  this 
suspicion.  Determined  to  pursue  my  investigations  on  this 
point,  I  sought  and  found  his  attendant,  and  inquired  what 
was  the  character  of  the  insanity  of  this  young  man. 

He  replied,  "  I  am  as  ignorant  as  you  are, Mrs.  Packard, on 
that  point.  I  have  watched  him  with  the  closest  scrutiny  ever 
since  he  was  entered,  and  have  entirely  failed  to  detect  the 
first  irregularity  in  any  respect.  Indeed  he  is  the  most  kind, 
obliging  and  exemplary  person  I  ever  saw,  and  as  for  sympa- 
thy and  tenderness  towards  the  patients  I  never  saw  it  sur- 
passed in  any  one." 

"  I  fear  we  have  got  another  bogus  candidate  for  the  honors 
of  this  Institution  ;"  replied  I,  "  for  I  am  sure  that  so  far  as 
intelligence  and  reason  are  concerned,  he  is  a  most  unfit  person 
to  receive  the  brand  of  insanity." 


"JESUS  CHRIST."  297 

"  That  is  my  opinion  of  his  case  thus  far,"  replied  his  at- 
tendant, "and  yet  I  may  be  able  to  detect  some  peculiarity 
upon  a  longer  acquaintance  ;  still  from  his  appearance  during 
the  weeks  he  has  been  under  my  care,  I  should  judge  he  was 
the  last  person  who  ought  to  be  put  under  a  k>ck  and  key." 

"  I  very  much  fear  he  is  another  of  the  many  victims  of 
unjust  persecution,  sent  here  by  those  who  employ  this  Insti- 
tution to  shield  their  own  crimes,  for  there  is  evidently  guilt 
somewhere,  in  entombing  such  a  promising  young  man  as  he 
is.  Won't  you  please  ascertain  if  you  can,  what  are  the  facts 
in  the  case,  and  tell  me  at  our  next  party  ?  for  I  am  making 
observations  and  seeking  facts  for  a  book  on  this  subject.  " 

At  our  next  party  I  accordingly  pursued  these  inquiries,  and 
found  that,  although  he  had  been  on  the  most  vigilant  search 
for  facts  on  which  his  imprisonment  was  predicated,  he  had 
found  nothing  that  could  afford  any  solution  to  his  mind  of 
this  dark  mystery.  He  more  than  confirmed  his  previous  de- 
fense of  his  entire  sanity,  by  adding,  "  he  is  the  most  forgiv- 
ing, kind,  tender,  sympathizing  person  I  ever  saw." 

"  Yes,;)  though  I,  "  here  is  doubtless  another  instance  where 
there  is  too  much  christainity  for  this  perverted  age  to  recog- 
nize, and  therefore  he  must  be  offered  in  sacrifice  upon  this 
altar  of  insanity.  Can  it  be  that  men  as  well  as  women,  are 
imprisoned  here,  because  they  exhibit  too  much  of  Christ's 
spirit?  I  will  find  out  whether  this  brother  in  bonds  is  of  this 
class."  With  these  thoughts  I  met  my  new  friend,  and  ex- 
tending my  hand,  said,  u  good  evening,  Mr. ,  I  dont  rec- 
ollect your  name." 

"  My  name  is  Jesus  Christ." 

"  Jesus  Christ !"  thought  I,  I  was  taken  aback — I  knew 
not  what  to  say — 0,  this  is  your  insanity,  this  is  your  criminal 
offense,  doubtless — but  how  is  this  ?  I  am  determined  never  to 
call  a  person  insane  for  the  utterance  of  opinions,  merely,  no 
matter  how  absurd — but  here  is  an  opinion  where,  I  fear  my 
philosophy  will  be  balked — my  principles  are  not  going  to 
stand  this  test ! 

N2 


298  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"With  these  thoughts,!  ventured  to  pursue  my  investigations, 
and  recollecting  how  reasonable  and  sensible  he  had  appeared, 
I  asked  him  in  reply  to  this  introduction  of  himself,  "  but  how 
is  it,  Sir,  you  can  call  yourself  'Jesus  Christ,'  when  he  is  the 
son  of  God,  and  came  to  earth,  and  was  here  crucified  for 
sinners  ?" 

"  0,  I  am  not  that  Jesus  Christ,  but  another  Jesus  Christ 
— he  is  my  oldest  brother,  and  I  being  of  the  same  family  bear 
the  same  name,  but,  of  course,  there  can  be  but  one  oldest 
brother  in  the  great  human  family,  any  more  than  in  any  other 
family.  Hav'nt  you  more  than  one  son  in  your  family  ?" 

"  Yes,  I  have  five  sons,  my  oldest  is  named  Theophilus,my 
others,  Samuel,  George,  etc." 

"  Well,  but  are  they  not  all  Packards,  the  Samuel  as  well 
as  the  Theophilus,  and  is  there  any  more  impropriety  in  call- 
ing George  the  youngest,  a  Packard,  than  in  calling  Theoph- 
ilus, the  oldest,  a  Packard?" 

"Why,  no,  not  in  that  sense." 

"  Just  so  it  is  in  God's  family — all  his  sons  are  Jesus  Christs 
as  much  as  the  first,  just  as  soon  as  they  become  perfectly  de- 
veloped into  his  spirit.  Such  are  Jesus  Christs,  whether  on 
earth  or  in  heaven,  as  much  as  Jesus  of  Nazareth,  was  ;  but 
they  are  all  different  persons.  There  is  but  one  Jesus  of 
Nazareth,  but  there  are  as  many  Christs  as  th^re  are  true 
perfected  men.  Such  are  all  brothers  bearing  the  same  com- 
mon name,  after  Christ  is  fully  developed  in  them." 

"  Then  you  claim  that  the  Christ  is  fully  developed  in  you, 
do  you,  and  that  on  this  account  yon  call  yourself  'Jesus 
Christ  ?'  " 

"  Yes,  I  do.  I  consider  that  I  am  now  perfect  in  God's  es- 
timation, in  the  same  sense  that  his  oldest  son  was  perfect. 
This  is  fulfilling  the  command  to  'be  ye  perfect  in  Christ  Jesus' 
— meaning,  perfect  in  Christ  Jesus'  estimation.  I  am  not  per- 
fect in  the  estimation  of  the  church,  or  the  world  ;  but  in  God's 
estimation,  1  have  obeyed  his  command,  in  this  respect.  Do 
you  think  God  would  have  commanded  his  children  to  do 
impossibilities  ?  and  if  they  could  not  become  perfect  in  his 


"JESUS  CHRIST."  299 

estimation,   he  is  an    unreasonable  being   in  issuing  such  a 
command." 

So  here  my  "  Mr.  Jesus  Christ"  had  explained  himself  to 
simply  mean  that  he  was  a  perfect  man.  He  insists  that  he 
is  not  the  Christ,  the  world's  Savior,  but  simply  a  perfect 
person  in  Christ  Jesus'  estimation.  Now,  where  is  his  insan- 
ity? even  his  "  hobby,"  where  has  that  gone  ?  Just  into  the 
belief  of  the  perfectionists,  as  it  was  defended  by  Dr.  Finney 
and  others  of  this  class. 

Now  comes  the  question,  shall  this  man  be  locked  up 
in  an  "  Asylum  "  because  he  says  he  is  a  perfect  man — in  a 
style  of  language  peculiar  to  himself — in  order  to  force  him  to 
abandon  his  originality  of  expression,  and  become  an  echo  of 
other  men's  forms  of  expression?  Yes,  because  he  is  insane 
on  this  point.  Insane  !  because  he  chooses  to  utter  an  opin- . 
ion  respecting  his  own  character  in  original  language  !  What 
a  dangerous  person  to  be  allowed  his  liberty  1  "Won't  he  kill 
somebody?  for  somebody  has  chosen  to  call  this  peculiarity, 
insanity,  instead  of  a  singular  mode  of  expression.  Still  he 
is  dangerous,  for  we  do  not  know  what  an  insane  person  might 
do,  although  his  opinions  of  himself  seems  to  be  true — that  is 
— he  seems  to  exhibit  the  Christ  spirit  to  an  uncommon  degree, 
yet,  he  may  kill  somebody !  therefore  he  must  be  locked  up. 
It  won't  do  to  wait  until  he  lias  killed  somebody  and  then  im- 
prison him  as  we  do  criminals  after  they  have  committed  a 
crime;  we  must  imprison  this  man  not  only  before  he  has  com- 
mitted any  crime,  but  even  before  he  has  shown  the  first  indi- 
cation that  he  ever  intended  to  commit  a  criminal  offense. 
Yes,  he  claims  that  he  is  Jesus  Christ,  and  so  long  as  he  acts 
like  Jesus  Christ,  he  must  be  locked  up  to  make  him  like 
other  people,  lest  he  kill  somebody  ! 

Now  I  think  if  all  those  who  call  themselves  "  Jesus  Christ," 
and  act  like  Jesus  Christ,  ought  to  be  locked  up  for  fear  they 
may  kill  somebody,  all  those  who  call  themselves  "  totally 
depraved,"  and  act  as  though  they  are  totally  depraved, 
ought  to  be  locked  up  also,  for  fear  they  may  kill  some- 
body too  ! 


800  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

LXXYII. 

Letter  to  Judge  Whitlock,  of  Jacksonyille. 

In  July,  1867,  while  in  Jacksonville,  to  meet  the  Illinois 
Investigating  Committee,  I  met  Judge  Whitlock,  before 
whom  the  cases  at  the  Asylum  were  tried,  after. Dr.  McFar- 
land  had  sent  off  all  those  whom  he  thought  would  not  be 
condemned  by  a  Jury  as  insane.  Of  course,  this  number 
would  be  expected  to  include  none  except  those  whom  he 
could  hope  to  induce  the  Jury  to  believe  were  insane. 

The  Investigating  Committee  remark  in  their  Report,  that 
"  it  is  a  noticeable  fact,  however,  that  the  number  of  discharged 
patients  represented  as  cured,  during  the  time  between  the 
appointment  of  the  Committee  and  the  time  of  their  exami- 
nation of  the  records,  is  double  that  of  any  given  length  of 
time  previously."  The  reason  for  this  double  number  of 
sudden  and  remarkable  cures  (?)  during  this  period,  is  self- 
evident  to  any  reflecting  mind.  Dr.  McFarland  knew  that 
the  coming  crisis  must  inevitably  expose  and  bring  to  light 
this  large  class  of  sane  prisoners  which  he  was  holding  with- 
out "legal  evidence"  of  their  insanity;  and  therefore,  to 
prevent  the  exposure  of  this  nefarious  work,  he  sent  off  this 
class  of  prisoners  as  among  the  "cured"  in  their  discharge  ! 

Although,  like  Mrs.  Sarah  Minard,  wife  of  Ira  Minard,  of  St. 
Charles,  Illinois,  who  was  one  of  this  class  who  had  been  un- 
justly retained  there  for  nine  years,  there  had  been  no  change 
in  them  from  the  time  they  were  entered  until  they  were 
discharged,  yet,  being  recorded  as  "cured,"  or  as  "hopelessly 
insane,"  as  my  diploma  from  him  designates,  he  hoped  "my 
policy"  could  thus  conceal  his  guilt  in  the  matter.  And  it 
did,  for  a  time,  suspend  the  verdict  of  public  opinion  from 
deciding  against  him.  For,  when  the  Report  of  Drs.  John- 
son and  Patterson,  and  other  Superintendents  was  published, 
that  in  their  opinion,  there  were  none  "  improperly  retained  " 
there,  it  led  the  public  to  suppose  the  report  that  there  wero 
sane  people  confined  there,  was  false  and  without  foundation, 


JUDGE  WHITLOCK.  301 

until  the  State's  Investigating  Committee,  afterwards  found 
the  reason  for  their  not  being  found  there  was  the  dischage  of 
this  double  number  of  "cured"  patients! 

But  notwithstanding,  Judge  Whitlock  found  among  them 
one  good  old  minister  who  had  been  a  most  unwilling  prisoner 
there  for  many  years,  and  whose  intelligence  was  so  marked 
and  apparent,  that  he  felt  most  keenly  the  degradation  of  the 
plane  he  was  so  unjustly  placed  upon.  The  Judge  told  me 
that  after  the  most  searching  examination  of  nearly  three 
hours  length,  he  could  not  detect  the  least  indication  of 
unsoundness  of  mind,  or  loss  of  reason — that  he  reasoned 
masterly  upon  all  subjects,  both  scientific,  legal,  political,  and 
religious,  and  he  was  just  on  the  point  of  deciding  that  he 
was  sane,  when  the  Doctor  came  in,  and  his  opinion  was 
asked  respecting  his  sanity ,  and  his  opposite  opinion  turned 
the  scales  against  him.  This  minister,  seeing  that  the 
Doctor  was  going  to  cause  his  terrible  imprisonment  to  be 
perpetuated,  felt  "  excited,"  as  any  other  sane  person  would 
naturally  feel  under  such  circumstances,  and  in  this  state  of 
mind  became  a  little  unguarded  in  his  expressions,  and  gave 
utterance  to  some  novel  and  original  expressions  of  thought, 
such  as  the  "machinery  of  God's  government,"  and  such  like, 
when  the  Judge  decided,  without  waiting  to  hear  his  own 
interpretation,  which  might  have  been  as  satisfactory  as  was 
the  "  Mr.  Jesus  Christ,"  that  he  was  insane  ;  for  on  one  point 
he  had  expressed  an  opinion  he  did  not  at  once  understand  ! 

My  sympathies  were  aroused  for  the  old  man,  and  I  defend- 
ed his  sanity  and  his  liberty,  when  the  Judge  decided,  "No, 
he  is  insane  on  that  point,  and  therefore  he  ought  to  be  locked 
up  for  fear  he  may  kill  somebody  !n  And  it  was  to  convince 
the  Judge,  if  possible,  of  the  fallacy  of  this  position,  that  I 
sent  him  the  following  letter  the  next  day  : 

JACKSONVILLE,  July  26,  1867. 

JUDGE  WHITLOCK.  Dear  Sir: — Supposing  I  should  go  to 
those  Judges  whom  I  have  heard  defend  that  it  is  inhuman  to 
imprison  a  human  being  on  the  plea  of  insanity,  simply  for 
the  utterance  of  absurd  opinions,  and  should  say  to  them, 


802  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

''Judge  Whitlock  does  not  agree  with  you  in  opinion  on  that 
point ;  and  I  have  heard  him  argue,  that  since  these  delusions 
and  absurdities  demonstrate  that  his  reason  is  dethroned  in  a 
measure,  fidelity  to  his  interests  and  community  both,  justify 
us  in  taking  from  him  that  most  blessed  boon  of  his  existence 
— his  personal  liberty — for  he  may  kill  some  one  if  we  do  not! 
and  we  may  possibly  cure  him  by  locking  him  up  in  a  public 
hospital !  " 

Supposing,  Sir,  I  should  add,  il  Now  I  regard  these  views  of 
Judge  Whitlock  as  absurd  and  inhuman,  and  on  these  points 
I  regard  him  as  unsound,  unreasonable,  plainly  indicating  that 
his  reason  is  in  some  measure  dethroned;  and  on  his  own 
principles,  he  ought  to  be  locked  up,  lest  he  may  kill  some- 
body !  for  it  is  not  safe  to  have  a  person  at  large  whose  reason 
is  in  any  measure  dethroned,  for  we  do  not  know  what  an 
insane  person  may  do  !  " 

Supposing  these  Judges  should  say,  "  We  agree  with  you, 
that  Judge  Whitlock  is  insane  on  these  points,  although  he 
is  a  man  of  acknowledged  ability,  and  veracity,  and  integrity 
generally,  yet,  for  his  good,  and  the  safety  of  community,  we 
think  he  had  better  feel  the  application  of  his  own  principles 
to  himself,  and  thus  mete  out  to  him  the  same  measure  he  is 
meting  out  to  others,  hoping  in  this  way  to  bring  him  to  his 
reason,  or  set  him  right  on  this  point.  He  may  possibly  come 
out  the  defender  of  human  rights  and  personal  liberty,  and  he 
may  kill  somebody  if  we  do  not !  " 

Judge  Whitlock,  I  do  not  say  I  shall  do  this  thing,  but 
supposing  I  should,  and  the  first  you  know,  you  are  brought 
before  a  Jury,  on  the  charge  of  insanity ;  and  the  Jury  should 
decide  that  Judge  Whitlock  is  not  perfectly  sound  in  his 
mind — "  he  reasons  absurdly  on  the  subject  of  human  rights — 
he  is  insane."  What  would  be  your  defense  ?  " 

I  do  not  engage,  Judge  Whitlock,  to  publish  your  argu- 
ment in  my  forthcoming  book.  I  only  say,  I  retain  a  copy  of 
this  letter  and  should  like  to  have  you  give  me  your  reply  in 
writing.  Very  respectfully  yours,  E.  P.  W.  PACKARD. 

Judge  Whitlock's  reply  has  not  yet  been  received. 


CONTENTMENT.  303 

LXXVIII. 
Difference  between  Contentment  and  Patience. 

In  reply  to  my  saying  to  Mrs.  Page,  a  sane  prisoner,  "  I 
find  it  impossible  to  be  contented  will  my  present  lot,  although 
it  is  my  constant  prayer  that  I  may  be  patient  and  contented," 
she  remarked,  "I  wish  to  inform  you  that  patience  and  con- 
tentment are  two  very  different  virtues.  You  are  not  re- 
quired to  be  contented  to  suffer  unjust  imprisonment.  Your 
nature  revolts  at  wrong  and  injustice,  and  you  cannot  be  con- 
tented to  have  it  continue;  but  you  ought  to  be  patient  to 
wait  God's  time  for  its  removal." 

The  question  arose  in  my  mind,  does  not-  patience  in  its 
fullest  exercise  include  contentment?  That  is,  must  I,  in 
order  to  practice  the  virtue  of  patience  be  content  with  pris- 
on life  under  present  circumstances?  Paul  says,  "I  have 
learned  in  whatsoever  state  I  am,  therewith  to  be  content." 
And  he  was  unjustly  imprisoned — did  he  learn  to  be  content- 
ed with  it  ?  If  so,  I  must,  for  there  is  no  christain  grace  or 
virtue  which  is  not  obligatory  upon  me  to  possess.  Now  have 
I  been  like  one  "beating  the  air,'1  in  trying  to  school  myself 
to  contentment,  or  am  I  striving  after  unattainable  virtue  ? 
Must  a  slave  be  content  with  his  lot,  as  a  slave  ?  Can  he  be 
content  with  his  lot  while  at  the  same  time  he  .is  striving  to 
escape  it  ?  Can  we  be  contented  while  writhing  in  anguish 
from  bodily  disease,  while  at  the  same  time  we  are  striving  to 
remove  the  disease  ? 

Again,  whatever  is  permitted,  is  God's  appointment.  Must 
we  therefore  be  content  with  things  as  they  are  ?  We  must 
be  contented  in  the  sense  that  we  must  not  murmur  at  our  lot, 
but  patiently  strive  to  remove  all  removable  evils  attending 
it;  and  what  are  at  present  beyond  our  control,  we  must  bear 
with  quiet  resignation. 

"  With  cheerful  feet  thy  path  of  duty  run, 

God  nothing  does,  nor  suffers  to  be  done, 

But  what  thou  would'st  thyself,  could'st  thou  but  866 

Through  all  events  of  things  as  well  as  He." 


804  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Now,  have  I  not  done  all  in  my  power  to  get  justice  done 
me,  and  as  jet,  all  in  vain?  Must  I  therefore  conclude  that 
evil,  is  for  the  present,  the  best  state  possible,  for  the  greatest 
good  results  ?  And  is  all  that  I  have  done  like  water  spilled 
on  the  ground?  No,  I  do  not  cherish  such  feelings.  I  be- 
lieve all  conscientiously  used  means  for  the  removal  of  evils 
are  like  good  seed,  which,  although  long  buried,  will  sometime 
spring  up  and  bear  fruit,  corresponding  to  its  character.  But 
like  good  husbandmen-,  it  becomes  us  to  have  patience,  long 
waiting  if  need  be,  for  the  appearance  of  the  tender  blade. 
0,  if  I  could  but  see  the  tender  blade,  how  it  would  quicken 
my  hope — how  patient  I  could  then  be.  But  to  be  patient 
now  without  anything  of  sight  to  rest  upon  is  a  greater,  be- 
cause a  more  difficult  virtue  to  cultivate.  I  may  never  in  all 
my  existence  have  another  such  opportunity  for  this  highest 
exercise  of  faith.  If  I  have  disquietude  of  spirit,  a  lack  of 
perfect  peace,  it  must  be  because  my  mind  is  not  fully  "stay- 
ed on  God."  I  find  seeking  the  natural  to  support  faith  up- 
on, is  paralyzing  the  spiritual,  on  which  alone  it  should  rest 
and  depend. 

And  now  knowing  as  I  do  that  I  am  suffering  wrongfully, 
why  can  I  not  rest  wholly  upon  God's  promises,  and  his  char- 
acter for  my  support,  and  not  be  so  eagerly  watching  for  their 
fulfillment,  before  God's  time  come  to  vindicate  himself? 
Should  my  faith  fail  in  this,  my  greatest  emergency,  might  I 
not  have  reason  to  fear  that  some  other  furnace  would  be 
prepared  in  which  to  try  it,  which  might  be  more  severe  than 
the  present?  0,  yes,  there  is  no  safety  but  in  trusting  God, 
by  doing  right,  and  thus  feeling  right.  Therefore  I  trust  I 
am  doing  right  by  trying  to  be  contented  with  my  present 
trials,  unremoved,  and  having  food  and  raiment — let  me  be 
content  to  be  without  children,  without  home,  without  society, 
without  liberty  !  I  have  litterally  given  up  all  things  for 
Christ's  sake,  and  now  all  I  have  to  do  is  to  simply  trust  his 
word,  that  they  shall  be  restored  to  me  in  tenfold  measure. 
0,  let  me  not  forfeit  this  title  by  impatience  or  murmuring. 

This  dispensation  seems  to  be  characterized  by  the  princi- 


FREEDOM.  305 

pie  of  overcoming  evil  with  evil ;  human  hearts  have  to  be 
purified  so  as  by  fire.  But  when  the  Christ  principle  has 
permeated  the  human  soul  so  as  to  be  its  abiding,  living  ele- 
ment, we  may  hope  that  evil  will  then  be  overcome  with  good. 
As  an  attempt  to  cure  disease  by  inflicting  another  disease, 
may  be  better  secured  by  invigorating  the  powers  of  nature, 
thus  capacitating  it  to  cure  and  throw  off  its  own  disease; 
so,  instead  of  meeling  amoral  evil  by  a  worse  evil,  just  meet 
it  with  kindness,  which  draws  into  exercise  the  better  emo- 
tions, only  to  be  quickened  into  a  deeper  and  stronger  life  by 
the  exercise  of  them.  Thus  capaciated  they  can  overcome 
the  evils  of  nature,  by  surplanting  them  with  good.  Instead 
therefore  of  curing  an  evil  by  inflicting  a  worse,  we  eradicate 
it  by  the  substitution  of  its  counterpart,  virtue. 


LXXIX. 
My  Successful  Attempt  to  Obtain  my  Freedom. 

A  few  days  prior  to  the  September  meeting  of  the  Trustees, 
1862,  in  a  familiar  conversation  with  Dr.  McParland  in  my 
room,  I  remarked,  "  Doctor,  I  don't  like  to  spend  my  days  here 
doing  nothing ;  why  can't  I  fire  a  few  guns  at  Calvinism,  be- 
fore those  Trustees,  who  are  to  meet  in  a  few  days  ?" 

u  Why,  Mrs.  Packard,  they  are  Calvinists,  and  the  chair- 
man is  a  member  of  the  Presbyterian  Synod  of  the  United 
States!" 

"  I  don't  care  for  that — I  should  not  hesitate  to  give  my 
views  befere  the  Synod,  itself,  if  allowed.  And  besides,  it 
is  all  the  better  for  your  cause  that  they  are,  for  my  views 
will  be  likely  to  be  regarded  by  them  as  insane,  because  a 
difference  of  opinion  is  insanity  you  know  on  the  minority 
side  of  the  question,  of  course  !  Now  one,  alone,  against  so 
many — and  that  one  a  woman,  too — what  have  you  to  fear?" 

This  was  enough.     He  was  converted  into  a  free  and  full 


306  THE  PEISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

consent  that  I  might  fire  all  the  guns  I  pleased  at  Calvinism, 
and  he  would  furnish  me  with  all  the  paper  I  wished  to  write 
my  views  upon. 

"  Now,"  thought  he,  "  Mrs.  Packard  will  unmask  herself, 
thus  demonstrating  to  the  Trustees  that  I  represent  her  cor- 
rectly in  calling  her  insane.  Yes,  she'll  hang  herself!" 

The  Doctor  was  true  to  his  promise,  and  brought  me  paper 
himself,  the  first  sheet  he  had  ever  brought  me,  and  I,  true  to 
my  engagement,  made  out  the  most  clear,  concise,  and  com- 
prehensive view  I  could  of  the  whole  system,  of  Calvinism, 
as  I  apprehended  it,  by  contrasting  each  principle  with  the 
Christian  principle,  showing  the  system  to  be  "  doctrines  of 
devils,"  instead  of  doctrines  of  Christ ! 

This  document  as  I  then  prepared  it  and  laid  before  the 
Trustees,  is  in  print,  on  the  19,  20,  21,  22  and  23d,  pages  of 
the  first  installment  of  "  The  Great  Drama,"  six  thousand 
copies  of  which  are  already  in  circulation,  entitled,  "  Calvin- 
ism and  Christianity  Compared." 

The  Doctor  examined  my  document,  and  finding  it  all  right 
he  engaged  to  call  for  me  the  next  day,  in  the  afternoon,  and 
take  me  down  to  the  parlor,  where  I  should  there  meet  the 
Trustees.  Keeping  my  wardrobe  in  order  for  the  dancing 
parties,  I  easily  found  a  very  suitable  summer  costume  in 
readiness  for  the  occasion,  which,  with  a  tasteful  head-dress 
to  relieve  the  sky-blue  trimmings  of  my  white  lawn  dress,  I 
made  quite  as  good  an  appearance  as  any  one  need  desire. 
Therefore  with  more  of  a  queenlike  feeling,  than  that  of  an 
imprisoned  slave,  I  took  the  proffered  arm  of  the  Doctor,  and 
was  escorted  by  him  into  the  parlor  of  these  grave,  dignified 
gentlemen,  and  in  the  most  gallant  manner  he  introduced  me, 
first  to  the  chairman,  and  then  to  the  other  gentleman,  sep- 
arately, after  which,  he  led  me  to  a  most  conspicuous  seat  by 
the  chairman,  when  I  withdrew  my  arm  from  his  own,  and  sat 
down. 

Here  I  must  notify  my  readers  that  there  was  one  gentle- 
men present  to  whom  he  did  not  introduce  me,  and  to  whom 
I  did  not  speak.  But,  as  I  afterwards  learned,  he  did  spf-ak 


FREEDOM.  307 

of  me,  and  of  the  impression  I  made  on  his  feelings,  as  he  saw 
me  so  politely  escorted  into  the  room  by  the  Doctor,  in  theso 
words,  "  Inr-vcr  saw  a  lady  look  so  sweet  and  attractive  as 
she  did  !" 

Now,  I  will  introduce  the  gentleman  to  my  readers  as,  Rev. 
Mr.  Packard,  the  husband  of  this  lady. 

The  chairman,  Mr. Brown,  then  addressed  me  in  these  words, 
"  Mrs.  Packard,  we  have  heard  Mr.  Packard's  statement,  and 
Dr.  McFarland  has  informed  us  that  you  have  something  you 
would  like  to  say  to  us.  We  will  allow  you  ten  minutes  to 
say  it  in." 

Taking  out  my  gold  watch  and  looking  at  it,  I  remarked, 
to  the  Doctor  who  sat  opposite  me,  "please  inform  me  when 
my  time  is  up,  will  you  ?  and  I  will  stop  at  any  moment  you 
designate." 

Nodding  his  consent  to  do  so,  I  commenced  reading  my 
document  with  a  clear,  calm,  distinct  voice,  to  a  silently  at- 
tentive audience.  So  profound  was  the  silence,  I  could  al- 
most hear  the  joyous  pulsations  of  my  own  heart.  On,  on,  I 
went,  demolishing  fortress  after  fortress  of  the  Calvinistic 
croed,  and  notwithstanding  the  havoc  and  devastation,  thus 
caused  by  the  skillful  use  of  the  weapon  of  truth  and  com- 
mon sense,  still  I  was  tolerated.  Neither  did  my  time  keeper 
inform  me  that  I  was  most  egregriously  trespassing  upon  the 
limits  of  the  time  assigned  me,  although  my  ten  minutes  was 
soon  lost  in  the  fifty  minutes  they  allowed  me,  before  our  in- 
terview terminated. 

Having  finished  my  "  exposure  of  Calvinism  and  defense 
of  Christianity,"  I  was  emboldened  by  their  toleration  to  ask 
another  license,  which  was,  permission  to  read  another  docu- 
ment which  I  had  clandestinely  prepared  and  taken  with  me, 
but  which  the  Doctor  had  never  seen.  That  this  license  was 
most  cheerfully  and  readily  granted,  was  indicated  not  only 
by  an  unanimous  hand  vote  of  the  Trustees,  but  also  by  the 
accompanying  exclamations,  "  Let  her  go  on  !  Let  us  hoar 
the  whole  !" 

In  view  of  this  generous  and  cheerful  response,  I  playfully 


808  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

remarked,  "  I  should  think  appearances  betoken  that  I  am  in 
the  element  where  freedom  of  opinion  is  tolerated." 

""We  don't  know  about  women  thinking  as  they  please! 
"We  must  look  after  them"  responded  Mr.  Club. 

He  was  promptly  silenced,  however,  by  the  noble  "woman's 
right's"  Miner,  remarking  in  a  very  decided  tone,  "  Go  on  I 
Mrs.  Packard,  Goon!" 

After  thanking  friend  Miner  for  his  generous  defense,  I  pro- 
ceeded to  read  my  unknown  document  to  equally  attentive 
listeners.  This  document  exposed  "  the  conspiracy"  of  their 
Superintendent  and  Mr.  Packard  against  my  personal  liberty, 
in  as  bold  and  uncompromising  terms  as  my  exposure  of  Cal- 
vinism had  been  given  in.  Still  I  was  tolerated! 

The  Superintendent  and  the  Minister  listened  in  mute 
amazement  to  this  dauntless  revelation  of  the  truth  and  their 
own  guilt.  Without  denying  one  of  my  statements,  or  offer- 
ing a  single  apology,  Mr.  Packard  left  the  room  at  the  request 
of  the  Trustees.  The  Superintendent  soon  followed.  The 
Trustees  now  acted  the  part  of  cross-questioning  attorneys, 
while  I  their  witness,  was  secretly  exulting  in  the  opportuni- 
ty thus  afforded  me,  of  making  farther  revelations  of  the 
depth  and  magnitude  of  this  malign  conspiracy. 

The  playful,  easy  style  and  manner  in  which  I  made  my 
statements,  seemed  to  dissipate  the  sanctimonious  gravity  of 
this  august  body — so  that  they  came  to  seemingly  regard  me 
as  one  of  their  number,  instead  of  a  culprit  under  the  grace 
of  court !  They  manifested  a  willingness  to  do  anything 
and  everything  I  asked.  Mr.  Brown  told  me  himself,  that  he 
saw  it  was  of  no  use  for  me  to  think  of  returning  to  my  hus- 
band, but  gallantly  offered  to  send  me,  independent  of  him, 
to  my  children  at  Manteno,  if  I  thought  best  to  go ;  or,  they 
would  pay  my  passage  to  go  to  my  father  in  Massachusetts ; 
or,  they  would  pay  my  board  in  Jacksonville,  if  I  chose. 
In  short,  I  could  have  my  liberty  to  do  just  as  I  pleased,  as 
they  were  satisfied  the  Insane  Asylum  was  no  place  for  me. 

I,  of  course,  thanked  them  most  sincerely  for  this  offer  of 
liberty,  for  it  was  to  me  tb*  most  blessed  boon  of  my  exist- 


FREEDOM.  309 

ence,  but  I  added,  "  Gentlemen,  it  is  of  no  use  for  me  to 
accept  the  offer  at  your  hands,  for  although  you  acknowledge 
by  this  act  that  I  have  a  right  to  my  liberty,  yet,  you  have 
no  power  to  protect  this  right  to  me;  for  since  lam  a  married 
woman,  I  have  no  legal  protection  of  my  person,  or  any  of 
my  rights,  only  as  this  protection  is  guaranteed  to  me  through 
the  voluntary  act  of  my  husband.  The  law  does  not  compel 
him  to  protect  or  support  me  outside  of  an  Insane  Asylum,  if 
he  only  chooses  to  claim  that  lam  insane.  This  charge  from 
my  husband,  even  before  it  is  proved  against  me,  annihilates 
all  my  rights  as  a  human  being,  not  even  excepting  the  right 
of  self-defense  from. this  charge.  But  on  this,  his  single  alle- 
gation, confirmed  by  the  signature  of  your  Superintendent, 
he  can  lawfully  imprison  me  for  life  in  this,  or  some  other 
Insane  Asylum.  No  father,  brother,  son  or  friend,  or  even 
our  Governor,  himself,  has  the  power  to  protect  the  personal 
liberty  of  any  married  woman  in  this  State,  while  such  a  law 
exists  on  Illinois'  statute  book.  There  is  no  protection  of  my 
personal  liberty  under  the  American  flag,  so  long  as  Mr.  Pack- 
ard lives,  therefore  I  may  as  well  spend  my  days  in  this  prison 
as  in  any  other." 

The  Trustees  replied,  "We  pity  you — it  is  a  hard  case — 
we  never  before  realized  how  defenseless  a  married  woman  was 
under  our  laws ;  but  what  can  we  do  for  you  ?  Is  there  any- 
thing?" 

"Yes,  gentlemen,  there  is  one  thing  you  can  do,  and  only  one 
that  I  can  see,  by  which  you  can  exonerate  yourselves  from 
complicity  in  this  transaction,  and  at  the  same  time  confer  a 
great  favor  upon  me,  which  is,  to  furnish  me  with  a  key,  or  a 
pass,  by  which  my  personal  liberty  would  be  in  my  own  hands, 
rather  than  in  your  hands  as  it  now  is.  I  might  continue  to 
stay  for  the  present,  as  I  have  done,  subject  to  the  rules  of 
the  other  prisoners,  in  all  other  respects,  except  that  of  being 
my  own  keeper.  Ihave  felt  it  my  duty  to  protest  againstmy 
false  imprisonment,  and  have,  thereby,  shut  myself  up  more 
closely  than  the  others  are,  for  in  my  protest  I  said  I  shall 
never  return  a  voluntary  prisoner  into  the  wards;  neither  can 


310  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  do  so,  for  I  regard  this  vow  as  sacred.  Indeed,  I  can  not 
now  even  return  to  the  wards  voluntarily,  without  a  key  or  a 
pass.  And  if  you  force  me  back,  it  is  you  who  are  imprison- 
ing me,  and  on  you  must  hereafter  rest  the  responsibility  of 
being  accomplices  in  this  conspiracy." 

They  did  not  give  me  a  key,  nor  a  pass,  neither  did  they 
request  Dr.  McFarland  to  do  so,  but  thus  compelled  the 
Superintendent  to  carry  me  back  in  his  own  arms,  as  was  tho 
case.  But  they  did  confer  upon  me  the  right  to  advise  with 
the  Doctor,  assuring  me  I  might  do  as  he  and  myself  could 
agree  it  was  best  to  be  done. 

Accordingly,  the  following  day  the  Superintendent  called 
upon  me  in  my  room,  and  introduced  the  subject  by  saying, 
"Well,  Mrs.  Packard,  the  Trustees  thought  you  hit  the  mark 
with  your  gun!" 

"Did  they?  Was  that  what  they  were  shouting  at,  after  I 
left  the  room?" 

"Yes,  it  was;  for  I  told  them  that  you  wished  to 'fire  a  few 
guns  at  Calvinism.'  " 

"I  knew,  Doctor,  that  I  had  put  in  a  heavy  charge,  but  I 
determined  to  risk  it,  and  improve  my  chance  lest  I  should 
not  get  another.  I  some  feared  it  might  burst  the  cannon  ! 
But  it  did  not;  for  I  see  none  of  them  believe  me  to  be  an 
insane  person,  after  all." 

"Mrs.  Packard,  won't  you  give  me  a  copy  of  that  document, 
for  what  is  worth  hearing  once,  is  worth  hearing  twice." 

"Yes,  Doctor,  I  am  perfectly  willing  to  do  so,  for  I  should 
like  you  to  have  a  copy,  and  the  Trustees  also,  and  I  should 
like  my  father  to  have  one,  and  my  early  friend,  Rev.  H.  W. 
Beecher,  and  some  others  of  my  Orthodox  friends.  But  it  is 
very  irksome  for  me  to  copy.  How  would  it  do  to  get  a  few 
printed  in  handbill  form,  and  send  them  to  my  friends?" 

"  I  think  it  would  be  well  to  do  so,  and  I  will  pay  the  prin- 
ter. You  re-write  it,  and  add  to  it  what  was  said,  and  I  will 
see  that  it  is  done,  forthwith." 

"Do  you  mean  to  have  both  documents  printed  ;  the  expo- 
sure of  the  conspiracy,  also  ?" 


FREEDOM.  311 

"  Yes,  the  whole  ;  and  anything  else  you  choose  to  add." 

"Well  done,  for  Dr.  McFarland  !  If  you  are  going  to  give 
me  such  liberty,  I  shall  feel  that  I  am  a  free  woman ;  and 
this  may  possibly  prepare  the  way  for  my  liberation." 

The  paper  was  faithfully  provided  by  the  Doctor,  and  I, 
with  the  most  elastic  feelings  which  this  hope  of  deliverance 
inspired,  went  to  work  to  prepare  my  document  for  the  prin- 
ter. But  before  twenty-four  hours  had  elapsed  since  this 
liberty  license  was  granted  to  my  hitherto  prison  bound  intel- 
lect, the  vision  of  a  big  book  began  to  dawn  upon  my  mind, 
accompanied  with  the  most  delightful  feeling  of  satisfaction 
with  my  undertaking.  The  next  time  the  Doctor  called,  I 
told  him  that  "  it  seems  to  me  I  must  write  a  book.  The 
thoughts  and  their  arrangement,  are  all  new  and  original, 
until  suggested  to  my  mind  by  this  sort  of  mental  vision. 
What  shall  I  do,  Doctor?" 

"  Write  it  out  just  as  you  see  it." 

He  then  furnished  me  with  paper,  and  gave  directions  to  the 
attendants  to  let  no  one  disturb  me,  and  let  me  do  just  as  I 
pleased.  I  commenced  writing  out  this  mental  vision,  and 
in  six  weeks  time  I  penciled  the  substance  of  "  The  Great 
Drama,"  which,  when  written  out  for  the  press,  covers  two 
thousand  five  hundred  pages  of  note  paper.  Can  I  not  truly 
say  my  train  of  thought  was  engineered  by  the  "  Lightning 
Express  ?"  I  had  no  books  to  aid  me  but  Webster's  large 
Dictionary,  and  the  Bible.  It  came  wholly  through  my  own 
reason  and  intellect,  quickened  into  unusual  activity  by  the 
perfect  state  of  my  health,  from  the  most  persistent  conform- 
ity to  the  laws  of  health  in  eating,  sleeping,  and  exercise,  and 
by  the  inspiring  hope  of  coming  freedom.  The  production 
is  a  remarkable  one,  as  well  as  the  indicting  of  it,  a  very  sin- 
gular phenomenon.  If,  during  my  life-time,  this  "Great 
Drama  "  can  be  published  and  not  imperil  my  personal  liberty, 
I  shall  be  happy  to  give  it  to  the  world.  But  until  that  time 
arrives,  when  an  original  thought  can  be  spoken  or  written, 
without  incurring  the  charge  of  insanity  for  such  an  act,  my 
personal  liberty  is  only  safe,  while  this  manuscript  is  hid  from 
the  age  in  which  it  was  written. 


312  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

LXXX. 

The  Dawning  of  a  New  Dispensation. 

The  reader  will  perceive  by  the  preceding  chapter  that  a 
new  dispensation  has  dawned  upon  me — that  the  Superintend- 
ent is  regarding  his  prisoner  in  the  light  of  a  citizen,  rather 
than  a  slave.  And  if  any  of  my  readers  feel  disposed  to  cen- 
sure me  for  seeming  so  readily  to  forgive  this  great  sinner,  let 
me  remind  them  that  they  may  perhaps  be  better  prepared  to 
judge  correctly  of  my  feelings  if  they  could  exchange  situa- 
tions with  me. 

Ever  since  the  Doctor  had  taken  my  part  in  the  insult  of 
the  Jacksonville  aristocrats,  I  had  an  occasional  cause  to  feel 
that  my  happiness  was  not  an  object  of  such  stoical  indiffer- 
ence to  him  as  it  formerly  had  been.  And  besides,  I  had 
noticed  that  just  in  proportion  as  I  had  Dr.  McFarland's  ap- 
proval, just  in  that  proportion  was  I  regarded  as  a  terror  to 
the  evil  doer  ;  neither  was  my  influence  over  those  who  were 
doing  well  lessened  by  it.  Therefore  benevolence  itself  would 
prompt  me  to  "impress"  this  influence  into  a  good  cause,  if 
possible.  And  with  me  it  has  always  been  a  settled  purpose 
to  train  my  own  children  and  scholars  to  do  right  under  the 
influence  of  encouragement,  rather  than  censure.  I  am  more 
watchful  to  find  out  some  cause  for  just  approbation,  rather 
than  for  fault-finding. 

This  being  my  native  or  home  element  it  is  not  strange  that 
I  should  seize  with  avidity  the  first  opening  bud  of  promise 
on  this  barren  stock  of  manliness,  which  daily  passed  under 
my  observation.  Yes,  I  did  strive  with  all  the  charity  and 
forgiveness  I  could  command,  to  find  every  hopeful  sign  that 
could  be  possibly  summoned  into  the  exercise  of  encourage- 
ment to  the  well  doer ;  for  my  principles  led  me  to  despise 
the  flatterer  as  well  as  the  slanderer — that  is,  I  could  no 
more  praise  without  cause  for  praise,  than  I  could  blame  with- 
out cause  for  blame.  Both  being  falsehoods,  I  could  practice 


.NEW  DISPENSATION.  813 

neither,  and  it  was  not  possible  for  me  to  determine  which 
evil  of  the  two  was  the  greatest,  therefore  I  strove  to  avoid 
both. 

Again,  my  theology  teaches  me  that  in  every  human  being 
there  is  a  soul  to  be  redeemed.  That  in  every  rock  there  is 
a  well.  Could  I  not  therefore  hope  that  the  drill  of  long  and 
patient  perseverance  might  yet  reach  this  spring  in  this  Doc- 
tor's flinty  heart?  Yes,  I  had  my  hope  quickened  into  a 
spasmodic  life  that  the  latent  spark  of  manliness  in  this  hard- 
ened sinner,  might  yet  be  developed  into  the  strength  of  a 
vigorous  life,  corresponding  to  his  intellectual  strength.  It 
was  my  aim  and  purpose  thus  to  develop  him,  by  the  only 
power  in  the  universe  adequate  to  this  work,  and  fitted  for  it, 
and  that  is,  "  woman's  influence."  Indeed  I  fully  determined 
that  in  the  same  ratio  that  he  had  tried  to  crush  the  woman- 
hood in  me,  in  that  same  proportion  would  I  raise  the  man- 
hood in  him.  And  although  my  first  effort  for  his  elevation 
cost  me  banishment  from  the  scenes  of  civilization,  to  dwell 
among  maniacs,  yet  this  did  not  dispirit  me,  or  cause  me  to 
regret  the  effort. 

I  know  too,  that  God  does  not  require  one  sinner  to  punish 
another  sinner,  for  he  has  expressly  claimed  the  right  of  pun- 
ishment as  being  his  own  prerogative.  The  Great  Father  of 
the  human  family  has  not  delegated  the  right  to  one  child  to 
punish  the  faults  of  another  child,  but  on  the  contrary,  he 
claims  the  right  of  punishment  as  exclusively  his  own  right. 
Therefore  as  his  child  I  am  bound  to  refer  to  my  Father,  the 
settlement  of  the  wrongs  I  receive  from  my  brothers  and  sis- 
ters. All  he  allows  me  to  do  is,  to  do  them  good,  that  is,  to 
defend  myself  by  benefitting  them,  not  by  injuring  them. 
Now  the  greatest  good  I  could  bestow  upon  Dr.  McFarland 
was,  to  influence  him  to  stop  sinning,  by  doing  justice  towards 
me,  forthwith.  And  now  that  he  had  taken  the  first  decided 
step  in  that  direction,  I  aimed  to  urge  him  onward  by  every 
possible  influence. 

Again,  I  do  not  feel  called  upon  to  judge  of  the  motives  of 
my  fellow  sinners.  If  they  act  right,  it  is  none  of  my  busi- 


314  THE  PRISONEE  S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

ness  wnat  motive  prompted  the  act.  For  example,  if  Dr. 
McFarland  allows  me  the  right  of  self-defense,  and  thereby 
secured  my  personal  liberty,  I  have  a  right  to  acknowledge 
the  act  as  a  good  one,  even  if  he  was  compelled  to  do  so 
through  fear  of  exposure  or  punishment,  or  even  if  selfish 
policy,  and  nothing  else,  prompted  him  to  do  this  good  deed. 
His  subsequent  course  has  demonstrated  that  he  had  no  good 
end  in  view,  so  far  as  I  was  concerned,  in  allowing  me  to  write 
this  book,  but  on  the  contrary  he  determined  to  use  the  book 
as  the  means  of  getting  me  again  incarcerated.  As  he  had 
allowed  me  to  expose  Calvinism  before  the  Trustees,  for  the 
purpose  of  getting  their  sanction  in  calling  me  an  insane  per- 
son ;  so  he  now  allowed  me  to  write  a  book,  hoping  thus  to 
secure  the  sanction  of  my  readers  in  calling  me  insane.  And 
notwithstanding  the  whole  plot  had  been  conceived  and  exe- 
cuted on  the  principles  of  the  most  conceited  selfishness,  yet, 
I  have  no  right  on  that  ground  to  call  the  act  a  wrong,  or  a 
bad  act.  These  may  have  been  the  highest  motives  this  hard- 
ened sinner  could  possibly  exercise,  on  this  low  plane  on 
which  his  persistent  iniquities  had  placed  him. 

And  since  my  Father  in  Heaven  does  not  ignore  /ear,  as  a 
bad  motive,  why  should  L?  He  says,  "  the  fear  of  the  Lord 
is  the  beginning  of  wisdom,"  evidently  representing  this  prin- 
ciple as  the  very  lowest  round  of  the  ladder  of  human  pro- 
gression; yet  being  an  agent  employed  by  God  for  the  sinner's 
arrest  in  his  downward  course,  we  should  not  despise  it,  lest 
we  thus  "  quench  the  smoking  flax,  or  break  the  bruised 
reed." 

But  the  caviler  may  say,  "  what  goodness  can  be  attributed 
to  the  act  of  giving  you  what  was  already  yours  by  the  right 
of  inheritance,  as  a  human  boing?  Your  right  of  self-de- 
fense was  not  Dr.  McFarland's  to  bestow,  even  if  he  did  allow 
you  to  use  this  right,  while  others  withdrew  from  you  every 
opportunity  for  its  exercise.  It  was  yours  already.  You 
did  not  seem  to  feel  under  any  special  obligation  to  Mr.  Pack- 
ard for  giving  you  your  old  clothes  on  this  principle." 

"  No,  I  did  not,  for  he  was  at  this  time  beyond   the  limits 


NEW  DISPENSATON.  815 

of  Christian  fellowship.  I  felt  conscious  that  the  law  of  love 
required  me  to  withdraw  from  him  all  fellowship,  believing 
he  belonged  to  that  class  whom  we  are  commanded  to  treat 
in  this  manner,  for  their  good.  I  had  borne  with  him  until 
forbearance  had  ceased  to  be  a  virtue;  for  every  act  of  fellow- 
ship bestowed,  only  encouraged  him  in  his  course  of  wrong 
doing.  I  had  for  twenty-one  years  pursued  this  uniform 
course  of  persistent  kindness,  only  to  be  trampled  under  his 
feet,  for  so  doing,  and  now  circumstances  compelled  me  to 
treat  him  on  a  plane  lower  even,  than  the  fear  of  punishment. 
From  that  class  who  cannot  be  moved  even  by  the  lowest 
motive  in  human  development,  I  feel  bound  to  withdraw  my- 
self, knowing  that  stern  justice  alone  can  now  move  them  in 
the  line  of  repentance,  and  as  he  had  denied  me  the  least 
shadow  of  justice  in  the  right  of  self-defense,  it  was  now  meet 
that  he  should  experience  the  justice  he  had  denied  me. 

This  was  not  taking  justice  into  my  own  hands,  it  was  only 
leaving  him  to  his  own  chosen  way  to  work  out  his  own  des- 
truction, unimpeded.  All  hope  of  deliverance  from  this  incor- 
rigible sinner,  had  long  since  gone  out  in  utter  darkness.  He 
had  deliberately  put  me  off  upon  another  man's  protection,  by 
withdrawing  his  own  entirely. 

And  I  must  say  that  I  felt  a  little  exultant,  uuder  the 
thought  that  my  entrance  on  the  Doctor's  arm  might  possibly 
make  him  feel  that  I  had  found  in  the  protector  he  had  chos- 
en for  me,  one  that  suited  me  better  than  the  one  of  my  own 
choice!  Here  let  me  say  to  my  husband,  that  as  it  is  perfect- 
ly natural  for  me  to  love  the  opposite  sex,  it  need  not  be  a 
matter  of  surprise  to  him  if  I  should  come  to  love  the  only 
man  he  allowed  me  to  associate  with,  for  three  years,  especial- 
ly if  I  can  find  in  him  anything  worthy  of  my  love.  And 
failing  to  find  the  jewel  I  sought  for  in  this  personification  of 
a  man,  1  determined  to  develop  it,  if  woman's  influence  could 
do  it,  and  now  my  hopes  so  long  buried,  were  just  germinat- 
ing, and  that  they  might  perfect  the  beautiful  buds  of  promise 
was  to  me  my  soul  inspiring  business  to  hasten  this  consuma- 
tion. 


316  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Under  the  influence  of  these  new  and  most  joyous  emotions 
I  pursued  my  delightful  employment  of  writing  my  most  nov- 
el book.  The  gallant  and  now  gentlemanly  Doctor's  visits 
were  most  welcome  seasons  of  rich  and  varied  interchange  of 
thoughts,  so  that  my  mind  seemed  stimulated  into  a  new  and 
healthful  activity  from  this  powerfully  magnetic  influence. 
The  sound  of  his  footsteps  in  the  hall,  and  his  gentle  knock  at 
my  door  now  caused  my  heart  to  bound  with  joy,  as  before  it 
had  caused  a  throb  of  anguish,  to  know  that  he  was  on  his 
way  to  my  room,  into  which  he  would  bolt  the  most  uncer- 
emoniously, without  caring  whether  he  was  welcome  or  not. 
Now  to  be  treated  as  a  lady,  in  this  gallant  manner,  by  this 
once  boorish  man,  was  to  me  the  inauguration  of  a  new  and 
delightful  era  of  my  prison  life. 

But  the  brightest  day  has  its  clouds,  and  the  finest  gold  has 
its  dross,  as  will  be  demonstrated  in  the  following  chapter. 


LXXXI. 
The  Moral  Barometer  Indicates  a  Storm— A  Hurricane. 

Woman's  love  for  man  is  based  on  the  principle  of  reverence. 
We  can  never  truly  love  a  man  who  has  never  inspired  in  us 
the  feeling  of  fear,  or  reverence.  A  woman's  nature  calls 
for  protection,  as  instinctively  as  the  climbing  rose  calls  for 
something  stronger  than  itself  to  climb  upon.  She  can  not, 
naturally,  cling  to  a  nature  weaker  than  her  own,  any  more 
than  the  vine  can  naturally  climb  without  a  stronger  support 
than  its  own  to  cling  to.  Fear,  respect,  and  reverence,  are 
emotions  which  superiority  alone  can  inspire.  I  can  not  exer- 
cise the  feeling  of  reverence  towards  a  being  whom  I  do  not 
look  up  to,  as  to  a  superior.  A  child  can  not  reverence  his 
parent,  unless  that  parent  can  command  the  feeling  of  author- 
ity over  the  child.  Until  this  fear,  or  authority  is  established, 
the  foundation  stone  of  the  edifice  of  filial  love  is  wanting 
A  servant  can  not  reverence  nor  love  his  master,  uuless  the 


A  HUERICANE.  317 

principle  of  authority  is  established  in  the  master.  Let  the 
servant,  or  the  child  feel  that  he  can  rule  the  master,  or  par- 
ent, and  thus  hold  this  authority  in  his  own  hands,  then  the 
foundation  for  contempt  or  irreverence  is  established. 

God  commands  the  love  of  all  his  creation  on  the  principle 
of  superiority,  which  inspires  reverence  for  his  authority,  and 
from  this  root,  the  purest,  tenderest,  most  confiding  love,  nat- 
urally germinates.  Woman's  nature  is  peculiarly  fitted  to 
love  such  a  being,  feeling  him  to  be  the  embodiment  of  strength 
and  power,  such  as  she  wants,  to  meet  her  instinctive  aspira- 
tions. God  tells  us  he  has  made  man  in  his  image,  and 
therefore,  on  this  basis,  she  turns  to  him  as  her  natural  pro- 
tector. She  finds  in  man.  this  tower  of  strength  and  wisdom, 
which  she,  like  the  vine  is  in  search  of,  to  live  a  natural  life. 

When  she  finds  a  man  combining  strength  and  wisdom 
superior  to  her  own,  she  as  naturally  desires  this  power  as  her 
shield  and  defense,  as  she  naturally  desires  food  and  sleep,  to 
meet  a  demand  of  her  nature.  For  example,  my  nature  being 
endowed  with  the  instincts  of  a  natural  woman,  have  ever 
sought  for  a  personified  deity  in  a  man  form,  to  reverence  and 
love.  This  feeling  was  first  exercised  towards  my  father, 
whose  authority  and  kindness  quickened  this  latent  spark 
into  activity.  His  authority  was  the  stepping  stone  to 
God's  authority.  He  was,  to  my  childish  nature,  God's 
representative,  and  just  in  proportion  as  I  reverenced  my 
father's  authority,  just  in  that  proportion  did  I  reverence  God's 
authority. 

As  the  child,  in  time,  lost  itself  in  the  mature  woman,  so 
the  filial  love  for  my  father  became  merged  into  a  higher  love 
of  manhood,  that  of  companionship,  as  well  as  protection. 
Unlike  some  children,  I  could  not  find  in  my  father  that  kind 
of  companionship  my  development  demanded.  He  ruled  me 
still,  but  not  through  my  freedom,  as  my  intelligence  demand- 
ed. This,  therefore,  stifled  this  confiding  spirit,  because  it 
could  not  act  in  conflict  with  reason. 

And  so  it  was  with  the  feelings  awakened  by  my  husband's 
authority ;  he  mingled  with  it  so  much  of  the  awe  of  the  ty- 


318  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

rant,  at  the  same  time  denying  me  the  protection  of  the  man, 
that  my  higher  love,  the  conjugal,  was  never  quickened  into 
natural  life  under  either  influence.  This  great  want  of  my 
nature,  spiritual  freedom,  was  never  met  or  gratified,  until 
this  period,  when,  under  the  manly  protection  of  Dr.  McFar- 
land,  I  was  allowed  to  be  spiritually  free  in  writing  an  inde- 
epdent  book,  free  from  all  dictation. 

The  awe  of  the  tyrant  was  now  settling  into  a  reverence 
for  a  mighty  power,  adequate  to  the  great  emergency.  As  he 
had  had  almost  omnipotent  power  to  crush,  so  he  now  had  thia 
same  power  to  raise  and  defend  me.  The  power  of  the  hus- 
band, the  power  of  the  Trustees,  the  power  of  the  State,  had 
all  been  delegated  to  him.  As  to  the  power  of  protection,  he 
was  all  in  all  to  me  now  ;  and  the  spiritual  freedom  granted 
to  me  by  this  power  was  almost  God-like. 

Dr.  McFarland  knew  that  one  great  object  in  my  writing 
my  book,  was  to  destroy  the  evils  of  Insane  Asylums,  and  he 
knew  too,  that  in  order  to  expose  these  evils,  I  must  necessa- 
rily expose  him  in  his  abuse  of  power.  Still,  like  the  Trustees, 
he  tolerated  the  truth,  sad  though  it  was — for  example  ;  one 
day  he  came  to  my  room  after  I  had  just  completed  a  deline- 
ation of  himself  through  his  own  actions,  which  presented 
him  in  a  most  unfavorable  light,  and  as  I  allowed  him  to  see 
all  I  wrote,  if  he  wished  it,  I  handed  him  these  sheets,  saying, 
"  Doctor,  what  will  you  do  when  such  facts  come  to  be  pub- 
lished ?  Can  you  stand  before  them  ?" 

After  reading  them  carefully  through,  he  remarked  with  a 
deep  sigh,  "  If  I  stand  at  all,  I  must  stand  before  it,  for  it  is 
the  truth!" 

Could  I  help  reverencing  a  power  who  would  thus  submis- 
sively and  coolly  take  this  severe  chastisement  from  one  whom 
he  regarded  as  his  dependent?  No,  I  could  not.  I  felt  that 
here  was  a  eulogy,  a  compliment  bestowed  in  a  manly  style, 
surpassing  anything  I  had  ever  witnessed.  It  said  to  me, 
"  Mrs.  Packard,  I  can  trust  you — I  will  trust  you,  for  you  are 
such  a  truthful  witness  I  dare  not  confront  you."  Yes,  his 
fortitude,  his  patience,  his  tolerance  under  my  castigatiou, 


A  HURRICANE.  319 

severe  as  his  own  unvarnished  actions  made  them,  really 
moved  my  pity,  and  led  me  to  exclaim,  "  0,  Doctor,  how 
could  you  compel  me  to  write  such  a  ha'teful  record  I  How 
could  you  act  so  meanly  !  How  I  do  wish  I  had  no  such  sad 
truths  to  tell !  Now  Doctor,  you  must  give  me  a  chance  to 
redeem  your  character  as  a  penitent.  Won't  you  do  so?" 

Yes,  he  did  resolve  to  be  my  manly  protector,  by  letting  me 
write  just  such  a  book  as  I  pleased,  thus  trusting  his  charac- 
ter, as  it  were,  entirely  in  my  hands.  0,  this  trust !  This 
sacred  trust,  second  to  nothing  but  the  ark  of  truth!  Under 
the  influence  of  these  feelings,  the  legitimate  offspring  of  such 
exhibitions  of  manliness,  I  prepared  the  first  installment  of 
"  The  Great  Drama,"  for  publication. 

I  told  him  the  manuscript  was  ready  for  the  printer, 
and  inquired  if  he  held  himself  responsible  to  publish  this,  by 
the  first  offer  he  had  made  me.  Of  course  there  was  ground 
for  hesitation  by  the  enhanced  expense.  I,  therefore,  offered 
to  write  to  my  son  and  get  the  extra  amount,  to  meet  this 
emergency.  Still  he  hesitated — I  thought  too,  I  could  detect 
the  old  "policy"  principle  coming  into  life  again,  aiming  to 
supplant  the  self-sacrificing  spirit  of  benevolence,  which 
seemed  to  be  just  taking  root  in  his  heart.  I  trembled,  know- 
ing that  my  all,  depended  upon  his  continuance  in  well  doing. 
I  asked  wisdom.  It  was  impressed  upon  my  mind  to  write 
him  a  letter — I  did  so,  and  as  I  took  it  to  my  attendant,  Miss 
Mills,  and  asked  her  to  carry  it  to  the  Doctor's  office,  and 
deliver  it  herself,  I  said,  as  the  presentiment  of  the  coming 
storm  came  over  me,  "  This  may  bring  a  storm  of  indignation 
upon  me  ;  if  it  does,  do  the  best  you  can  for  me,  but  don't  tell 
a  lie  to  help  me." 

In  this  note  I  had  expressed  my  fears,  that  the  fear  of  man 
was  gaining  the  ascendancy  over  his  better  nature — that  in- 
stead of  daring  to  trust  himself  where  the  truth  would  place 
him,  as  his  higher  nature  prompted,  I  feared  he  was  settling 
down  on  to  the  plane  of  selfish  policy,  so  beneath  the  noble 
dignity  of  his  nature,  and  I  gently  warned  him  of  the  conse- 
quences of  such  a  relapse,  saying,  "I  shall  be  just  as  much 


320  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

bound  to  expose  the  truth,  as  before  ;"  but  with  this  relapse 
I  could  not  save  him  with  this  cause  of  truth,  as  he  would 
not  then  be  the  penitent,  which  was  indispensable  to  my  saving 
him  with  the  ark  of  truth.  In  short,  I  added,  <l  If  you  fail 
to  keep  your  promise  to  publish  my  book,  or  help  me  to  liber- 
ty, I  shall  feel  bound  to  fulfill  my  promise  to  expose  you." 

In  about  one  hour  from  the  time  Miss  Mills  delivered  the 
note,  I  heard  his  footsteps  in  the  hall,  and  I  could  also  almost 
hear  my  own  heart  palpitate  with  emotion  as  the  step  ap- 
proached my  door.  I  responded  to  his  rap  as  usual,  by  open- 
ing the  door,  and  extending  my  hand,  said,  "  Good  morning, 
Doctor  1"  but  my  salutation  was  not  returned,  and  instead  of 
accepting  my  proffered  hand,  he  sternly  remarked,  "  Step  out 
of  your  room  I" 

"  Step  out  of  my  room!  did  you  say?" 

"Yes." 

I  obeyed,  when  no  sooner  was  I  past  the  threshold,  than  he 
pulled  my  door  together,  and  locked  it  against  me.  Then 
holding  his  key  in  his  hand,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  I  hold  your 
destiny  by  the  power  of  this  key,  and  I  hold  too,  that  precious 
book  now  in  your  room  under  the  power  of  this  key  ;  it  there- 
fore becomes  you  to  be  careful  what  you  do  1"  and  standing 
in  front  of  me,  he  said,  "  Mrs.  Packard,  I  consider  that  note 
you  sent  me  as  unladylike — as  containing  a  threat." 

Pausing  a  moment,  I  replied,  "  Dr.  McFarland,  that  note 
contained  the  truth,  and  nothing  but  the  truth.  I  promised 
you  when  I  had  been  here  only  four  months,  that  I  should 
expose  you  when  I  got  out,  unless  you  repented — I  don't 
take  it  back  !  I  don't  recant !" 

Without  saying  another  word,  he  took  hold  of  my  arm  and 
led  me  gently  into  a  screen-room,  and  locked  me  up  !  This 
was  the  first  time  I  had  ever  been  locked  in  a  screen-room, 
and  now  his  own  hand  had  turned  the  bolt  of  this  maniac's 
cell  upon  me  !  Unlike  screen-rooms  generally,  this  room  had 
a  chair  in  it,  which  the  prisoners  said  the  Doctor  carried  in 
himself  before  he  came  to  my  door. 

Having  of  course  here  nothing  to  do,  I  took  tho  chair  :ind 


A  HURRICANE.  321 

placing  it  before  the  corner  of  the  room,  I  seated  myself  and 
tipped  it  back,  and  resting  my  head  against  a  pillow  I  took 
from  the  bed,  I  tried  to  compose  myself  tosleep,  knowing  that 
good  sleep  is  as  good  an  antidote  to  trouble,  as  I  could  then 
command.  In  this  position  I  quietly  rested  with  closed  eyes, 
for  two  hours,  thinking  over  the  probable  fate  of  my  book. 
"  There  is  one  part  of  my  book,"  thought  I,  "  which  will  es- 
cape this  destruction,  for  Miss  Mills  had  yesterday  taken  the 
first  volume  down  to  Mrs.  Chapman  of  the  Seventh  ward. 
The  Doctor  won't  find  this  in  my  room,  thank  good  fortune  !" 

But  I  am  sorry  to  say  this  part  of  my  soliloquy  did  not 
prove  true,  for  the  Doctor,  after  searching  all  the  things  in  my 
room,  even  the  bedding,  both  of  the  ticks,  and  both  of  the 
pillows,  and  not  finding  this  book  which  he  knew  was  ready 
for  the  press,  he  finally  inquired  of  Miss  Mills  if  she  knew 
where  one  volume  of  Mrs.  Packard's  book  could  be  found. 
My  kind  attendant,  recollecting  my  instruction,  "Don't  tell 
a  lie  to  help  me,"  felt  bound  to  tell  the  truth,  which  she  did. 
The  Doctor,  therefore,  went  to  Mrs.  Chapman's  room  and  de- 
manded the  book.  She  took  the  manuscript  from  between 
her  ticks  and  handed  it  to  him.  "Now,"  thought  I,  "this  pal- 
try thief  has  got  every  scrap  of  my  precious  book  into  his  own 
hands!  besides  all  the  other  manuscripts  and  all  the  stationery 
of  every  kind,  which  I  had  in  my  possession  that  he  could 
find."  But  thanks  to  a  good  Providence,  my  entire  journal 
escaped  this  wreck. 

Although  the  greater  part  of  it  passed  through  his  fingers, 
yet  he  knew  it  not !  It  was  all  rolled  up  in  small,  separate 
portions,  in  the  different  articles  of  my  wardrobe,  and  as  the 
Doctor  handled  over  each  and  every  article  of  linen  in  my 
trunk,  he  little  thought  that  the  contents  of  this  book  then 
passed  unobserved,  through  his  fingers,  by  being  wrapped  up 
in  these  articles,  and  fastened  by  a  pin.  Had  he  removed 
one  pin  and  thus  found  one  roll,  he  would,  doubtless,  have 
removed  all  the  pins,  and  thus  found  them  all.  But  it  seems 
the  Doctor's  curiosity  was  satisfied  with  the  examination  of  a 
lady's  wardrobe,  without  looking  to  see  with  his  own  eyes  the 
stvlo  of  embroidery  upon  her  linen  ! 


322  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

After  this  general  overhauling  of  my  things,  it  seems  the 
Doctor  was  not  satisfied,  for  he  then  went  to  every  female 
employee,  and  in  the  most  excited  state  they  had  ever  seen 
their  Superintendent,  asked  them  the  question  he  had  asked 
Miss  Mills,  viz;  "Do  you  know  of  any  place  where  Mrs. 
Packard  keeps  her  papers  ?" 

None,  except  Miss  Mills,  were  able  to  inform  him  on  this 
point,  for  my  prudence  did  not  allow  me  to  make  a  confidant 
in  these  matters,  of  any  person  in  the  house  except  myself, 
not  even  after  the  new  dispensation  had  been  opened  upon 
me  ;  for  I  knew  that  it  is  not  all  gold  that  glitters,  and  pos- 
sibly this  gold  which  I  thought  I  had  found  in  the  Doctor, 
might  not  stand  the  smelting  process  to  which  I  knew  it  must 
yet  be  subjected  !  I  now  saw  the  wisdom  of  granting  to  great 
sinners  a  "day  of  probation,"  before  taking  them  into  "full 
fellowship  1" 

When  my  "  new  convert"  had  got  through  his  "  backslid- 
ing" business,  he  came  to  my  room,  and  unlocking  my  door 
found  his  prisoner  as  quietly  sleeping,  to  all  appearance,  while 
this  wrath  cloud  of  indignation  was  expending  itself  about 
her,  as  if  she  had  no  responsibility  of  any  other  person's  ac- 
tions resting  upon  her  except  her  own. 

I  opened  my  eyes,  and  said  to  the  Doctor  who  stood  in  the 
open  doorway  looking  at  me,  "  Can  I  come  out  now?" 

"Yes." 

"Can  I  go  to  my  room?" 

"Yes,  of  course." 

He  then  followed  me  to  the  door  of  my  room,  and  as  he 
unlocked  it  and  disclosed  to  my  view  the  empty  box  upon  the 
floor,  which  two  hours  before  contained  my  precious  book, 
and  my  beJ  and  toilet  articles  presenting  the  appearance  that 
my  room  had  had  a  crazy  occupant  in  it  since  I  left  it,  I 
turned  my  eyes  from  that  sad  scene  to  his  face,  and  simply 
said,  in  a  quiet,  soft  tone,  as  I  laid  my  hand  gently  upon  his 
arm,  "  Doctor,  never  fear  1  God  reigns  !  This  will  all  work 
right  1" 


THE  CLOUDS  DISPERSE.  323 

LXXXII. 
The  Clouds  Disperse. 

This  sudden  tempest  which  had  just  passed  over  the  moral 
horizon  of  earthly  destiny,  had  in  its  violence  left  my  earthly 
prospects  a  complete  wreck.  Nothing  tangible  was  now  to 
be  found  to  rest  my  troubled  soul  upon.  If  it  were  not  that 
my  anchor  had  been  cast  within  the  veil,  and  found  there  a 
firm  foundation  to  rest  it  upon,  this  foundering  bark  of  my 
earthly  destiny  must  have  become  a  perfect  wreck.  But, 
thank  God,  this  refuge  of  faith  failed  not,  and  thus  I  stood  un- 
harmed. Even  my  peace  and  composure  of  soul  never  for- 
sook me  for  one  hour,  but  on  the  contrary  land  my  friend  Mrs. 
Olsen,  seemed  to  be  the  only  hopeful  ones  in  the  Asylum,  as 
to  the  effect  of  this  moral  hurricane.  From  every  part  of 
this  spacious  house  I  could  hear  that  the  wail  of  pity  for  me 
was  being  expressed  in  language  as  various  as  the  sources 
whence  it  came — I  received  many  of  the  most  tender  messages 
of  sympathy  suited  to  the  emergency.  But  in  one  particular 
all  agreed  that  I  should  never  see  my  book  again. 

"  It  is  lost !  forever  lost — as  to  your  ever  seeing  it  again," 
was  the  great  unquestioning  fact  on  which  their  sympathy 
was  predicated.  Since  I  kept  my  own  secrets  in  more  than 
one  particular,  these  sympathizers  did  not  know  on  what 
ground  I  built  my  -hope,  when  I  assured  them  all,  I  should 
get  my  book  again.  "  He  will  return  it  to  me.  He  will  not 
burn  it,"  was  my  decided  response,  to  their  kind  and  gener- 
ous sympathy.  This  was  to  them  a  mystery  they  could  not 
fathom,  and  I  must  add  in  truth  to  myself,  that  it  was  almost 
as  much  so  to  myself;  but,  like  Abraham,  I  felt  that  my  dar- 
ling book  would  in  some  way  be  saved,  as  was  his  darling  Isaac. 
But,  like  him,  I  only  knew  by  the  assurance  of  faith  in  God's 
promises.  Iknew  that  whatever  Host  for  truth's  sake  would 
be  restored  to  me  fourfold.  I  had  deliberately  exposed  my 
book  to  save  Dr.  McFarland's  soul;  that  is,  I  was  willing  to 
probe  deep  into  this  sinner's  corrupt  heart,  lest  the  "  hurt  be 


324:  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

healed  slightly,"  and  therefore  I  told  him  plainly  the  conse- 
quences of  backsliding,  hoping  thus  to  hedge  up  the  way 
against  it.  But  instead  of  this,  the  sunlight  of  truth  caused 
these  buds  upon  the  house  top  to  wither  and  decay — the  res 
olution  of  holy  obedience  had  not  yet  found  the  good  soil 
of  firmness  and  moral  courage  to  take  root  in,  so  as  to  make 
it  a  principle  of  permanent  growth. 

But  what  must  now  be  done  ?  Must  he  be  left  as  an  in- 
corrigible sinner,  past  all  hope  of  redemption  ?  My  faith  said 
— "No,  try  again."  I  did  try  again,  and  when  the  next 
morning  he  came  his  usual  rounds,  and  found  me  sitting  in  my 
room  quietly  sewing  with  my  door  wide  open,  and  my  room 
full  of  prisoners,  listening  to  my  conversation  for  their  enter- 
tainment, I  arose  to  meet  him  at  the  door,  and  as  I  extended 
to  him  my  hand,  I  said,  with  a  smile,  "Doctor,  will  you  shake 
hands  with  me,  this  morning  ?" 

Oh,  yes — yes — most  certainly,"  and  at  the  same  time  took 
my  hand  and  while  he  held  it,  I  remarked  in  an  undertone, 
with  my  eyes  resting  upon  his  hands,  "  Doctor,  the  Lord  gave, 
and  the  Lord  has  taken  away,  blessed  be  the  name  of  the 
Lord!" 

After  gazing  at  me  in  amazement  for  a  few  seconds,  and 
saying  by  his  manner,  "  what  kind  of  material  are  you  com- 
posed of?"  at  length  he  said,  "Why,  Mrs.  Packard,  your 
book  is  all  safe." 

"  Of  course  it  is  safe,  in  your  hands,  Dr.  McFarland  !" 

He  then  passed  on,  considering  what  ground  his  prisoner 
had  for  reposing  so  much  confidence  in  her  keeper,  especially 
after  he  had  proved  so  untrue  and  so  unmanly  to  her.  "Is 
she  determined  to  make  me  worthy  of  trust  by  trusting  me  ?" 
thought  he. 

Yes,  so  it  was,  and  as  I  knew  it  to  be  a  law  of  our  nature 
that  we  are  apt  to  become  what  we  are  taken  to  be,  I  knew 
the  best  way  to  make  a  man  of  this  being,  was  to  bestow  up- 
on him  the  trust  and  confidence  of  a  woman,  hoping  thus  to 
inspire  again  the  latent  spark  of  manhood,  which  was  now 
passing  under  another  eclipse. 


THE  CLOUDS  DISPERSE  325 

The  next  time  when  he  found  me  alone  in  my  room,  I  ask- 
ed him  to  sit  down  and  let  us  talk  over  matters  a  little.  He 
did  so,  and  I  asked  him  the  question,  "  Doctor,  which  is  the 
most  lady-like  or  christian-like  act;  to  ruin  a  person,  by  ex- 
posing them  without  warning,  or  to  warn  them  first,  and  thus 
give  them  a  chance  to  escape  the  exposure,  by  repentance  ?" 
Seeing  the  self-condemnation  the  answer  involved,  he  chose 
silence,  as  the  better  part  of  valor  this  time. 

I  then  tried  another  question — "  Doctor,  which  would  be 
the  most  chivalrous  act,  for  a  man  to  keep  his  promise  to  a 
lady  whom  he  had  promised  to  protect,  or  to  take  a  defense- 
less woman,  and  by  an  act  of  might,  lock  her  up  in  a  room 
where  she  could  not  defend  herself  at  all,  and  then  rob  her 
of  all  her  valuables?  Would  it  be  a  noble,  and  manly 
act,  to  treat  a  woman  who  had  never  harmed  him,  in  this  man- 
ner? Just  make  the  case  your  own  Doctor;  supposing  a  man 
should  take  you  from  your  office,  and  lead  you  into  a  room 
and  lock  you  up,  and  then  with  secret  keys  should  ransack  your 
valuables,  and  all  your  private  notes  and  papers  of  the  greatest 
value  to  you,  he  should  lay  claims  to  as  his  own — what  would 
you  call  such  an  act  ?  "Would  you  think  there  was  much 
honor  to  boast  of  in  that  kind  of  use  of  the  power  might  gave 
him  over  your  rights  ?" 

Getting  no  replies,  and  choosing  not  to  harrass  my  con- 
demned culprit  too  much,  I  next  remarked,  "  Doctor,  when  I 
consider  what  a  valuable  soul  there  is  to  be  redeemed  in  you, 
and  then  resolve  to  try  one  more  effort  to  secure  its  safety, 
this  passage  is  often  presented  to  my  mind,  '  of  some  have 
compassion,  making  a  difference:  others  save  with  fear;  pull- 
ing them  out  of  the  fire.'  But  Doctor,  I  have  to  go  so  near 
the  fire  to  get  hold  of  you,  that  I  get  burnt  myself,  sometimes!" 

At  this  point  he  threw  back  his  head  and  laughed  outright, 
seeming  not  to  know  what  to  say,  but  by  his  looks  and  man- 
ner he  seemed  to  say  "  you  are  an  anomaly  I  cannot  compre- 
hend." 

By  a  series  of  lectures  of  a  similar  character,  this  poor  sin- 
ner was  at  length  brought  to  see  and  realize  the  meanness  of 


326  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  act,  and  with  a  feeling  of  self-abhorence  and  self-condem- 
nation, in  about  three  weeks  he  was  moved  to  send  back  my 
papers,  unasked,  with  an  apology  for  not  having  done  so 
before ! 

He  also  withdrew  his  order  to  my  attendants,  to  not  let  me 
have  any  writing  materials  whatever,  and  now  ordered  them 
to  aid  me  in  every  possible  way  in  granting  me  facilities  for 
doing  so.  It  was  thus,  under  the  auspices  of  a  cloudless  sky, 
I  again  resumed  the  delightful  work  of  preparing  "  The  Great 
Drama"  for  the  press,  and  under  the  benign  influence  of  a 
cloudless  manhood  Thenceforth  pursued  my  onward  way. 

The  moral  victory  thus  achieved,  increased  rather  than 
diminished  my  spiritual  freedom.  The  anxious  Superintend- 
ent became  satisfied  that  it  was  useless  to  try  to  confront  me 
in  the  line  of  my  duty.  He  saw  that  no  policy  but  that  of 
moral  rectitude  could  secure  my  sanction — that  no  fear,  but 
the  fear  of  sin,  could  conquer  me  into  subjection  to  any  hu- 
man power,  so  that  this  final  conquest  over  the  principles  of 
despotic  power  brought  his  principles  of  selfish  policy  to  a 
final  end,  so  far  as  his  treatment  of  me  was  concerned.  I 
never  could  ask  any  man  to  treat  me  with  more  deferential 
respect  than  Dr.  McFarland  uniformly  did  from  this  time. 

And  here  let  me  credit  to  this  man  the  compliment,  I  hon- 
estly think  is  his  due,  viz  :  that  there  are  few  men  who  are  able 
to  excel  Dr.  McFarland  in  his  gentlemanly  appearance  when 
he  feels  disposed  to  assume  the  gentleman. 

Now  every  noble  manly  act  of  protection  extended  to  me  in 
the  very  respectful  manner  in  which  he  bestowed  it  restored 
to  me  with  renewed  strength,  such  entire  trust  and  confidence 
in  his  manhood,  that  I  could  say,  "my  heart  is  fixed,"  trust- 
ing in  Dr.  McFarland  as  my  God  appointed  deliverer  and  pro- 
tector. 

I  had  no  reason  to  feel,  after  these  three  long  years  of  ab- 
solute desertion,  that  another  man  lived  on  earth  who  cared 
for  my  happiness,  but  Dr.  McFarland — Therefore  in  choosing 
him  as  my  only  earthly  protector,  I  merely  accepted  of  the 
destiny  my  friends  and  the  State  had  assigned  me,  and  in  re- 


MY  DISCHARGE.  327 

turn  for  this  boon  thus  forced  upon  me,  1  willingly  offered  him 
a  woman's  heart  of  grateful  love  in  return,  as  the  only  prize 
left  me  to  bestow. 


LXXXIII. 
My  Oldest  Son  Obtains  My  Discharge. 

Theophilus,  my  oldest  son,  had  been  anxiously  waiting, 
now  nearly  three  years,  when  he  should  be  "  of  age,"  so  he 
might  liberate  me  from  my  confinement.  He  visited  me  four 
times  during  my  incarceration,  and  had  done  all  that  lay  in 
his  power  to  do,  to  procure  my  discharge,  although  his  father 
had  forbid  his  visiting  me  at  all,  and  had  threatened  to  disin- 
herit him  in  case  he  should  break  this  command. 

This  same  threat  hung  over  my  second  son,  I.  W.,  also,  but 
he,  like  his  brother,  chose  rather  to  expose  himself  to  be  dis- 
inherited, rather  than  to  suffer  his  mother  to  languish  in  her 
prison,  without  human  sympathy. 

Cheering  as  it  was  to  my  fond  heart  to  receive  their  true 
sympathy,  it  was  saddening,  also,  to  know  that  all  and  every 
effort  they  were  making  for  my  deliverance  was  abortive — 
that  no  possible  hope  of  relief  could  be  expected  through  them 
until  they  were  twenty-one. 

Their  father,  knowing  their  determination  to  help  me  to 
liberty  as  soon  as  they  attained  this  age,  tried  to  guard  this 
avenue  of  escape,  by  negotiating  with  an  Asylum  in  Massa- 
chusetts, to  take  me  under  their  lock  and  key,  hoping  thus  to 
elude  their  action.  But  ere  this  plan  was  consummated,  Mr. 
Packard  was  notified  by  the  Trustees  that  he  mu«t  remove  mo 
in  June. 

Theophilus  not  knowing  of  this  arrangement,  made  appli- 
cation to  his  father  to  consent  to  his  removing  me  from  my 
prison,  assuring  him  that  if  he  would  allow  him  this  privilege, 
he  would  cheerfully  support  me  himself,  from  his  own  hard 
earnings.  Knowing  he  could  not  legally  remove  me  without 


328  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

his  father's  consent,  he  made  this  proposal  to  induce  him  to  do 
so,  and  his  father  knowing,  too,  that  he  must  take  me  out 
soon  at  all  events,  consented  to  let  him  thus  assume  this  re- 
sponsibility. 

Therefore,  with  a  light  heart,  he  sought  his  mother's  cell 
for  the  fourth  time,  and  was  most  politely  introduced  into  my 
room  by  the  Doctor  as  a  "new  man,"  just  espousing  the  rights, 
privileges,  and  powers  of  an  individual  man,  subject  to  no 
dictation  but  that  of  law  and  conscience.  "Here,"  said  he, 
"is  a  man  who  proposes  to  assume  the  responsibility  of  being 
your  protector — he  has  had  his  father's  [consent  to  do  so,  and 
I  have  given  him  my  own,  and  do  hereby  discharge  you  into 
the  hands  of  this  new  man.  Mrs.  Packard,  you  are  at  liberty 
to  go  with  your  son  where  you  please,  and  I  do  hereby  dis- 
charge you  into  his  hands." 

Thanking  him,  as  the  Superintendent,  for  this  discharge,  I 
begged  the  privilege  of  consulting  Bwith  him  as  our  mutual 
friend,  respecting  the  best  course  to  be  pursued.  Said  I, 
"  You  know,  Doctor,  that  the  law  holds  me  still  subject  to  my 
husband,  and  therefore  my  son  has  no  legal  power  to  protect 
my  liberty  only  so  far  as  his  father's  promise  goes  as  its  secu- 
rity. Now  1  have  no  confidence  in  that  man's  word  or  honor, 
and  therefore  I  consider  myself  eminently  exposed  to  be  kid- 
napped again,  and  put  into  the  Asylum,  at  Northampton;  so 
that  without  some  other  guarantee  of  safety  than  his  promise, 
I  prefer  to  remain  here  until  I  can  finish  my  book,  which  will 
take  about  six  weeks,  and  then  I  can  have  a  means  of  self- 
defense  in  my  own  hands,  which  I  can  use  independent  of  any 
legal  process.  Now  I  must  be  boarded  somewhere  these  six 
weeks  ;  why  can  not  my  son  pay  my  board  here,  as  well  as 
any  other  place,  and  thus  let  me  complete  my  book,  unmolest- 
ed by  any  change  until  then?" 

The  Doctor  replied,  "I  see  no  objection  to  your  doing  so  if 
your  son  has  none." 

Theophilus  replied,  "I  wish  mother  to  do  just  as  she  thinks 
best,  and  I  am  satisfied." 

Accordingly  it  was  decided,  by  the   consent  of  all  parties, 


MY  REMOVAL.  329 

that  I  should  remain  there  until  my  book  was  finished,  and 
that  my  son  should  pay  my  board  during  this  time. 

I  then,  as  a  boarder,  not  as  a  prisoner,  accompanied  my  son 
on  foot  to  Jacksonville,  (  the  Asylum  being  about  one  mile 
distant,)  where  we  consulted  printers,  respecting  the  terms  on 
which  they  would  print  my  first  volume — bought  some  paper 
with  my  son's  money,  and  returned  to  my  boarding-house,  but 
not  to  a  prison,  because  I  was  not  now  an  involuntary  prison- 
er, although  the  bolts  still  confined  me,  with  no  key  or  pass 
of  my  own  to  unbolt  them. 

In  this  sense,  my  prison  life  terminated  four  weeks  before  I 
was  removed  from  the  Asylum,  and  I  really  felt  safer  under 
the  gallant  protection  of  Dr.  McFarland,  than  I  could  have 
then  felt  in  any  other  situation. 


LXXXIY. 
The  Trustees  Force  me  into  the  hands  of  Mr.  Packard. 

In  about  four  weeks  from  the  time  of  my  discharge  into  the 
hands  of  my  son,  the  Trustees  counter  ordered  this  Superin- 
tendent's action,  and  claimed  me  as  their  prisoner  still,  by  or- 
dering me  to  be  put  into  the  custody  of  my  husband  on  the 
18th  of  June,  which  time  completed  my  three  years  term  of 
false  imprisonment  I 

Although  the  Trustees  had  told  me  through  their  chairman, 
Mr.  Brown,  that  I  might  do  just  as  Dr.  McFarland  and  I 
should  think  best,  and  although  the  Doctor  had  already  dis- 
charged me,  and  he  had  agreed  to  the  arrangements  above 
mentioned,  yet  regardless  of  all  these  claims  of  honor  and 
justice,  they  deliberately  trampled  my  every  right  into  the 
dust,  and  treated  me  as  the  law  does,  as  a  legal  nonentity, 
whose  rights  no  one  is  bound  to  respect. 

Yes,  this  is  the  respect  which  the'identity  a  woman  in  Ame- 
rica gets,  by  assuming  the  bonds  of  the  marriage  union  I 
"When  will  the  time  arrive,  when  the  marriage  law  will  re- 
spect the  identity  of  the  woman  as  well  as  tbo  man  ? 


330  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

On  the  17th  of  June,  Doctor's  orders  were  sent  to  my  room, 
by  Miss  Sallie  Summers,  the  Supervisoress,  that  "  Mrs.  Pack- 
ard's trunk  must  be  taken  out  of  her  room  and  packed." 

Against  this  order  I  entered  a  protest  in  these  words.  "  In 
the  name  of  Illinois  and  as  its  citizen,  I  claim  that  mj  right 
to  the  disposal  of  my  own  wardrobe  be  respected — that  no 
hands  be  laid  upon  it  without  my  consent.  I  therefore  forbid 
you  or  any  other  person  disturbing  me  or  my  things,  in  my 
own  hired  room,  until  I  consent  to  such  interference." 

My  reply  was  reported  to  the  office.  The  next  order  was 
"  If  Mrs.  Packard  makes  resistance,  lock  her  in  a  screen- 
room  !" 

To  this  order  I  replied,  "  I  never  offer  physical  resistance 
to  the  claims  of  might,  over  my  inalienable  rights — but  I  give 
you  no  license  or  consent  to  touch  one  article  in  this  room  be- 
longing to  myself." 

The  Doctor  then  with  the  help  of  Miss  Summers,  searched 
my  room,  bed,  toilet  and  drawers  and  took  from  them  every 
thing  belonging  to  me,  and  laid  them  into  my  trunk — then 
the  porter  was  ordered  to  take  my  trnnk  into  the  Matron's 
room  to  be  packed.  This  trunk  now  contained  my  entire 
book,  journal  and  private  papers,  indeed  all  my  treasures, 
even  the  sacred  looking-glass  wherein  my  Reproof  to  Dr.  Mc- 
Farland,  was  concealed.  "What  would  be  their  fate,  I  knew 
not.  But  thanks  to  the  Power  which  held  my  usurpers,  no 
article  of  my  manuscripts  was  taken. 

The  book  was  of  course  seen  and  examined,  but  my  private 
journal  was  passed  through  their  fingers  unnoticed  ;  for  the 
Matron  and  Supervisoress  were  only  required  to  number  the 
articles,  and  each  article,  large  and  small,  being  pinned  up 
separately,  it  was  not  necessary  to  examine  the  center  of  each 
roll  where  lay  a  portion  of  this  journal,  which  the  Doctor  so 
much  dreaded. 

Nothing  was  taken  except  the  inkstand  Dr.  Tenny  had 
given  me,  and  the  package  of  note  paper  my  son  had  bought 
for  me.  For  this  trespass,  if  not  theft,  I  still  hold  the  Insti- 
tution responsible,  in  addition  to  what  had  been  previously 
takfn  from  me  wronsfnlly. 


MY  REMOVAL.  331 

Dr.  McFarland  showed  the  coward  on  this  occasion,  by  del- 
egating his  orders  to  Dr.  Tenny,  and  availing  himself  of  a 
leave  of  absence  just  at  this  time.  I  think  he  had  better  have 
faced  the  battle  I  instead  of  fleeing  before  he  was  pursued  I 
However  his  orders  were  faithfully  executed,  even  to  the  book's 
all  being  carefully  packed,  no  part  was  missing  ! 

Does  not  the  Lord  shut  the  mouth  of  lions  so  that  they  can- 
not hurt  others  when  he  pleases  ?  Did  I  not  have  a  host  fight- 
ing for  me,  although  unseen  to  mortal  eye?  Yes,  for  so  "the 
Lord  encampeth  about  those  who  fear  him  and  he  delivereth 
them.'1 

The  next  morning,  Miss  Summers,  came  with  the  order,  that 
"MrsPackard  must  be  suitably  dressed  by  nine  o'clock  to  go 
with  her  husband  on  board  the  cars." 

To  this  order  I  replied,  "Miss  Summers,  I  have  no  objection 
to  being  dressed  to-day  so  as  to  suit  the  requirements  of  this 
mandate,  even  to  the  extent  of  wearing  my  bonnet  and  shawl 
suited  to  my  traveling  dress,  and  will  do  so  with  your  assis- 
tance in  bringing  me  those  articles,  but  as  to  accompanying 
the  said  gentleman  to  the  cars,  I  shall  never  consent  to  do 
this." 

She  accordingly  exchanged  my  morning  wrapper,  for  my 
traveling  dress,  and  packed  my  wrapper  in  my  trunk.  I  then 
put  on  my  hat  and  gloves  and  laying  my  sunshade  across  my 
lap,  I  sat  down  in  my  chair  before  the  window  and  went  to 
reading,  as  I  had  no  other  employment  in  consequence  of  the 
assault  of  the  previous  day. 

While  thus  employed,  my  door  was  suddenly  and  violently 
opened  by  Dr.  Tenny,  who,  without  knocking,  or  even  ask- 
ing leave  to  enter,  violently  pushed  the  door  against  my  bed- 
stead, which  I  had  placed  before  it,  as  was  my  habitual  prac- 
tice, to  prevent  intruders,  having  no  other  means  of  fasten- 
ing my  door  on  the  inside.  I  could  easily  move  the  bedstead 
back  four  inches,  and  thus  respond  to  a  rap  almost  as  quickly 
as  I  could  have  turned  a  button  or  a  bolt  if  I  had  had  one, 
and  I  had  done  so  to  give  the  Doctors  entrance  hundreds  of 
times. 


332  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

But  now  this  hasty,  uncivil  entrance  into  a  lady's  private 
room — by  which  my  bedstead  was  pushed  almost  upon  my  feet, 
as  it  was  forced  diagonally  across  my  room  by  the  great  and 
sudden  violence  of  the  door  against  it,  and  as  it  was  opened 
I  saw  three  stout  men  standing  at  the  door — almost  frightened 
me,  and  having  disobeyed  no  order,  I  wasjnota  little  surprised 
at  Dr.  Tenny's  impetuosity  on  this  occasion.  I  felt  like  say- 
ing to  my  captors  as  Christ  did  to  his,  "  have  ye  come  out 
against  me  as  a  thief,  with  swords  and  staves  for  to  take 
me?" 

Dr.  Tenny  then  said,  "  Mrs.  Packard,  your  husband  is  in 
the  office  waiting  to  take  you  to  the  cars  in  the  'bus  which  is 
now  waiting  at  the  door.  We  wish  you  to  go  with  us  for 
that  purpose." 

Looking  at  me  for  response,  I.said,  "Dr.  Tenny,  I  shall  not 
go  with  you  for  that  purpose.  And  here  in  the  presence  of 
these  witnesses,  I  claim  a  right  to  my  own  identity,  and  in 
the  name  of  the  laws  of  my  country,  I  claim  protection 
against  this  assault  upon  my  personal  rights.  I  claim  a  right 
to  myself — I  claim  a  right  to  remain  unmolested  in  my  own 
hired  room." 

Turning  to  his  porters  he  said,  "  take  Mrs.  Packard  up  in 
your  arms  and  carry  her  to  the  'bus.'1 

After  instructing  my  new  bodyguard  how  to  construct  the 
famous  "saddle-seat"  once  more  (an  indispensable  appendage  to 
the  enforcement  of  the  "  nonentity"  principle  of  the  common 
law,  in  cases  where  intelligence  claims  the  recognition  of  an 
identity!)  I  quietly  seated  myself  upon  it,  and  after  the  at- 
tendants had,  at  my  request,  properly  adjusted  my  clothing,  I 
held  myself  again  in  readiness  to  be  offered  a  sacrifice  on  the 
altar  of  unjust  legislation  to  married  women. 

My  guard  transported  their  "nonentity"  safely  down  three 
long  flights  of  stairs,  preceded  by  Dr.  Tenny,  and  followed  by 
my  female  attendants,  to  the  door  of  the  'bus,  where  the  Rev. 
Mr.  Packard  stood  holding  the  door  back  for  the  reception  of 
this  living  burden  of  non-existence. 

Living  burden  of  non-existence !  Married  woman's  legal 
position  under  a  Christian  government  1 


MY  REMOVAL.  333 

Think  !  Law -makers !  Is  this  the  way  to  raise  woman  to 
a  companionship  with  yourselves  ?  Do  you  think  this  Rev- 
erend husband,  could  look  upon  such  a  spectacle  and  feel  the 
inspiration  of  reverence  for  a  being  whom  the  law  thus  placed 
in  his  absolute  power  ?  or,  would  not  a  man  of  his  organi- 
zation more  naturally  feel  a  contempt  for  the  worm  whom  he 
could  thus  crush  beneath  his  feet? 

Yes,  a  worm  I  a  thing  !  not  a  being — is  married  woman  be- 
fore the  principles  of  common  law.  What  wrongs  cannot  be 
inflicted  upon  woman  on  this  principle? 

And  what  power  of  self-protection  can  she  use  in  case  of 
any  assault  and  battery  upon  her  person  or  her  rights  ? 

0  1  my  gallant  Brothers  of  this  Republic  1  just  place  your- 
selves in  my  exact  position,  and  from  this  standpoint,  frame 
such  laws  as  would  meet  your  own  case.     Then  your  doting 
daughters  will  never  be  liable    to  suffer  a  similiar   experi- 
ence. 

1  found  other  employees  from  the  house  had  been  appointed 
to  accompany  this  Reverend  gentleman  to  the  depot,  to  assist 
him  if  necessary  in  the  disposal  of  his  "human  chattel,"  and 
v/ith  these  gentlemen  I  held  a  conversation  on  our  way  to  the 
depot.     But  with  this  Reverend,  I  did  not  deign  to  speak. 

I  told  these  men  I  should  not  need  their  services  any  longer 
— that  I  should  go  as  any  other  unattended  person  did,  into 
the  cars,  as  I  did  not  recognize  the  claims  of  this  legal  pro- 
tector a,z  all,  and  should  ignore  them  entirely,  by  holding  no 
sort  of  fellowship  whatever  with  him.  Therefore  I  wished 
they  would  see  that  I  was  put  on  board  and  comfortably  seat- 
ed, and  I  would  excuse  them  from  further  duty.  I  could  buy 
no  ticket  for  I  had  no  money.  I  told  them  I  knew  not  where 
I  was  bound  to,  whether  into  another  Asylum,  a  Poor-house, 
or  a  Penitentiary.  No  one  deemed  it  necessary  to  inform  a 
"  nonentity,"  or  a  "  chattel"  in  these  matters,  for  this  act 
might  be  an  acknowledgment  of  aright  of  choice  in  a  ''chat- 
tel/' which  would  be  absurd,  you  know  ! 

But  from  what  my  son  had  told  me,  I  supposed  he  was  go- 
ing to  put  me  into  an  Insane  Asylum  at  Northampton,  Mass. 


834  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

for  life,  as  a  case  of  hopeless  insanity.  Indeed  I  knew  that 
was  his  ultimate  purpose  concerning  me,  therefore  it  was,  I 
did  not  willingly  pass  into  the  hands  of  this  man,  for  this  pur- 
pose. 

"  GO  WILLINGLY!" 

Written  on  the  occasion  of  Dr.  McFarland's  saying  that 
Mrs.  Packard  must  be  removed  by  force  from  the  Asylum,  in 
case  she  did  not  "go  willingly." 

" Go  Willingly/"  to  such  a  doom  1 
My  God  !  0  lay  me  in  the  tomb, 
Ere  such  a  terrible  decree 
Bind  me  again  by  lock  and  key. 

Where  is  the  mother — where  the  wife, 
Daughter  or  sister,  who  her  life 
"Would  "  willingly"  resign  to  thee, 
"Who  thus  would  wield  thy  lock  and  key  ? 

'*  Go  Wittingly  /"  my  future  life 
To  battle  in  that  stormy  strife, 
Torture  my  fluttering  heartstring  there 
Amid  the  wailings  of  despair  ? 

"  Go  Willingly  /"to  waste  life's  hours, 
Its  aspirations,  hopes  and  powers, 
To  bury  my  affections  there, 
In  those  dim  haunts  of  black  despair  ? 

"  Go  Willingly!"  to  read  my  doom 
Thus  graven  on  a  living  tomb, — 
Where  hope  or  joy  can  never  come, 
Till  death  shall  call  the  prisoner  home  ? 

I'd  rather  rove  the  world  around, 
Chained  like  a  criminal  on  ground 
.          Where  God's  own  sun  my  light  would  be, 
Without  the  aid  of  lock  and  key  I 

"  Go  Wittingly  "  Thyself!  and  find, 
Cure  of  thy  own  "  disordered"  mind! 
The  very  willingness  would  be 
Proof  of  a  fixed  insanity. 

MRS.  S.  N.  B.  O. 


MY  EEMOVAL.  385 

I  was  put  into  the  Asylum  without  my  choice  or  consent,  I 
was  thus  removed  without  my  consent,  and  contrary  to  my 
choice.  In  either  case  my  identity  was  ignored,  in  that  my 
right  of  choice  is  not  recognized  in  either  case.  By  my  pro- 
test, I  alone  recognize  it,  and  claim  it,  illegal  as  this  claim  is. 
Like  the  fugitive,  I  claim  protection  under  the  higher  law, 
regardless  of  the  claims  of  the  lower  law. 

My  argument  seemed  to  illuminate  these  gentlemen  to  see 
that  my  principles  required  me  to  resist  the  "nonentity" 
principle  of  the  marriage  law  in  this  tangible  manner,  hoping 
thus  to  demonstrate  its  injustice  to  the  comprehension  of  the 
law  makers. 

This  having  now  been  openly  done,  I  had  nothing  farther 
to  do  but  to  be  passed  on  as  coming  events  should  indicate. 

I  recollect  one  remark  made  by  one  of  these  attendants, 
was,  "  we  shall  miss  you,  Mrs.  Packard,  at  the  Asylum,  for 
there  never  has  been  a  person  who  has  caused  such  a  univer- 
sal sensation  there,  as  you  have.  You  will  be  missed  at  our 
dances  also,  for  you  are  regarded  as  one  of  our  best  dancers  I" 
I  thanked  him  for  the  compliment,  ill-deserved  though  it 
was. 

Before  closing  this  chapter,  I  feel  bound  to  say  that  the 
action  of  the  Trustees  in  this  case  was  far  from  being  upright 
or  gentlemanly.  They  had  given  me  unqualified  liberty  to  do 
as  their  Superintendent  and  I  should  agree  to  do.  Their  Su- 
perintendent had  already  discharged  me.  He  had  made  a 
bona  fide  bargain,  in  presence  of  a  witness,  that  I  might  use 
that  room  of  the  Institution  as  my  hired  room  until  I  had 
finished  my  book.  I  was  no  longer  subject  to  his,  or  the  In- 
stitution's control,  as  a  patient.  Now  to  have  these  gentle- 
men ignore  this  business  of  their  Superintendent  in  this  sum- 
mary manner,  and  at  my  expense,  seemed  ungallant  at  least, 
if  not  unjust  and  illegal. 

Again,  these  gentlemen  had  in  their  hands,  in  my  own  hand- 
writing, a  protest  against  being  put  into  the  hands  of  my  hus- 
band, assuring  them  it  would  never  be  done  by  my  own  consent. 
They  had  also  heard  from  my  own  lips  my  reasons  for  taking 


THE    PRISONER  S   HIDDEN  LIFE. 

this  stand,  and  Mr.  Brown,  the  chairman,  had  told  me  himself 
that  he  saw  it  was  of  no  use  for  me  to  go  tomj  husband  ;  and 
yet,  after  all,  he  could  issue  this  order  to  a  boarder  in  the 
Asylum,  that  she  must  be  forced  into  the  hands  of  this  her 
persecutor,  just  when  the  way  seemed  prepared  for  my  deliv- 
erance, by  means  of  my  printed  book. 

If  my  readers  wish  to  know  why  the  Superintendent  was 
not  on  hand  to  defend  the  rights  of  his  boarder,  I  must  refer 
them  to  him  for  this  answer,  for  he  has  never  told  me  his  rea- 
sons for  doing  so.  Therefore,  I  can  only  offer  you  my  own 
-conjectures  on  this  point.  I  suspect  this  "young  convert," 
was  seized  with  another  temptation  to  "  backslide,"  too  pow- 
erful for  his  "  weak  faith"  to  withstand,  and  therefore  he  had 
tried  to  throw  off  the  responsibility  of  my  removal  on  to  the 
Trustees,  hoping  by  this  means  to  secure  Mr.  Packard's  co- 
operation in  destroying  my  book,  without  doing  so  directly 
himself,  and  wishing  at  the  same  time  to  retain  my  good  will, 
he  hoped  his  absence  might  better  subserve  all  these  ends 
than  his  presence.  Therefore  he  made  Dr.  Tenny  his  agent 
in  doing  this  mean  work,  by  proxy. 

One  reason  for  coming  to  this  conclusion  lies  in  the  fact 
that  after  I  got  home  I  accidentally  ascertained  that  the  Doc- 
tor had  advised  Mr.  Packard  to  burn  my  book  and  put  me  in- 
to another  Asylum  ;  and  he  had  volunteered  his  aid  in  doing 
so!  I  also  accidentally  found  a  letter  from  Dr.  McParland 
wherein  he  says  to  Mr.  Packard,  I  have  laid  your  request  for 
Mrs.  Packard's  re-admission  before  the  Trustees,  and  have 
used  my  influence  to  have  them  consent  to  take  her.  But 
they  decidedly  refuse  to  do  so,  on  the  ground  that  the  Insti- 
tution is  not  designed  for  such  cases.  In  this  same  letter,  he 
advised  Mr.  Packard  to  keep  the  facts  of  this  transaction 
from  all  public  prints,  and  shun  all  agitation  of  this  subject 
in  any  form. 

Another  evidence  that  he  had  slidden  back  into  the  old  sel- 
fish "  policy"  principle  is  seen  in  the  fact  that  a  letter  was  read 
to  my  court  at  Kankakee,  from  Dr.  McFarland,  wherein  he 
urged  that  I  was  insane,  in  the  form  of  a  certificate,  which 


MY  REMOVAL.  337 

Mr.  Packard  could  use  for  my  incarceration  in  another  Asy- 
lum. This  did  not  harmonize  with  the  pledges  he  had  given 
me  in  the  Asylum  that  he  would  be  the  defender  of  my  per- 
sonal liberty. 

Another  evidence  that  he  has  backslidden,  lies  in  the  fact 
when  I  met  him  in  June  last,  in  Jacksonville  before  the  State's 
Investigating  Committee,  at  the  Dunlap  House,  he  made  a 
most  strenuous  effort  to  make  me  out  an  insane  person,  for  the 
purpose  of  invalidating  my  testimony  as  a  witness  against 
the  evils  of  that  Institution.  After  an  examination  and  a 
cross-examination  occupying  nearly  seven  hours  at  a  single 
session,  with  the  aid  of  his  attorney  and  the  Trustees,  he  fail- 
ed entirely  to  produce  this  conviction  on  the  minds  of  the 
audience,  if  Ex-Gov.  Hoffman's  testimony  is  a  representation 
of  others  present  which  I  have  reason  to  think  is  the  case  ; 
said  he  to  me  at  the  close  of  this  tedious  session,  "Mrs. 
Packard,  I  believe  you  to  be  a  perfectly  sane  person,  and 
moreover,  I  believe  you  always  have  been." 

Thanking  him  for  the  comfort  this  announcement  gave  me, 
I  felt  better  fortified  to  meet  a  most  cruel  and  wanton  attack 
Dr.  McFarland  then  made  upon  my  moral  character,  while  he 
knew,  better  than  any  other  man,  that  my  character  was 
stainless. 

Looking  at  Dr.  McFarland's  character  from  these  various 
standpoints,  I  am  forced  into  the  unwelcome  conviction  that 
he  is  a  most  unprincipled  man,  and  on  this  ground  is  unworthy 
of  confidence  as  a  man.  and  much  less  as  a  public  servant. 
I  have  done  all  I  knew  how  to  do  to  raise  this  man,  from  the 
low  level  of  selfish  policy  to  the  higher  platform  of  Christian 
principle  ;  but  all  in  vain — I  now  herewith  pass  him  over  in- 
to the  power  of  that  State,  whose  public  servant  he  is,  hoping 
and  praying  that  this  power  may  be  able  to  do  for  this  man's 
benefit  what  "woman's  influence"  has  failed  to  accomplish. 
And  if  the  State  will  not  receive  him,  I  then  leave  him  with 
his  own  worst  enemy — I  leave  him  with  himself. 

If  any  of  my  readers  wish  to  know  what  has  been  ray  des- 
P 


338  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

tiny  from  the  time  of  this  discharge,  I  would  refer  them  to 
my  "Three  Years  Imprisonment  for  Religious  Belief,"  where- 
in they  will  find  this  part  of  my  experience  delineated,  afford- 
ing a  fearful  exhibition  of  the  abuse  of  marital  power,  which 
every  married  woman  is  liable  to  suffer,  in  her  present  position 
of  legal  disability  to  defend  herself. 

LXXXY. 

Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum  a  Type  of  other  Insane 
Asylums. 

It  was  my  original  intention  in  compiling  this  volume,  to 
include  between  its  covers  the  statements  of  other  competent 
witnesses,  who  have  suffered  a  term  of  false  imprisonment  in 
Insane  Asylums  in  other  States,  and  thus  demonstrate  the  fact 
that  Jacksonville  is  no  exception  to  the  treatment  generally 
bestowed  in  such  Institutions. 

For  this  purpose,  I  had  already  obtained  statements  from 
highly  educated  individuals,  occupying  the  first  ranks  in  social 
position,  and  in  public  confidence,  as  men  and  women  who 
are  capable  of  defending  their  own  sanity  and  the  facts  they 
testify  to,  before  any  legislature  or  impartial  court,  which  I 
should  esteem  an  honor  to  present  to  the  public,  did  not  the 
limits  of  this  volume  forbid  it. 

These  individual  statements  represent,  1st.  The  Insane 
Asylum  of  Pennsylvania,  at  Philadelphia.  2nd.  The  McLean 
Insane  Asylum  at  Boston,  Mass.  3rd.  The  Retreat  for  the 
Insane,  at  Hartford,  Ct.  4th.  The  Insane  Asylum  at  Con- 
cord, N.  H.  5th.  The  Insane  Asylum  at  Columbus,  Ohio. 
The  representatives  from  these  Institutions  afford  a  most 
invincible  argument,  that  the  "Prisoner's  Hidden  Life"  in  all 
these  Institutions,  is  but  a  type  of  what  it  is  at  Jacksonville, 
as  herein  delineated  by  myself  and  my  coadjutors. 

I  therefore  infer  from  these  representations,  that  this  book 
fairly  represents  these  Institutions  wherever  found.  But  if 
the  public  wish  these  documents  printed  in  confirmation  of 


NOTE  OF  THANKS.  339 

this  assertion,  I  hold  myself  in  readiness  to  meet  this  demand. 

I  will  also  state  that  so  far  as  my  own  observation  extends, 
I  have  not  in  this  volume  presented  one  third  part  of  the 
journal  I  kept  while  at  Jacksonville,  feeling  confident  that 
the  full  and  ample  report  of  the  Investigating  Committee 
renders  my  doing  so  superfluous.  Thus  having  ample  testi- 
mony on  hand  to  confirm  and  authenticate  what  is  already 
published,  and  having  the  Illinois  Investigating  Committee's 
Report  to  back  up  my  statements  already  made,  so  far  as  the 
representation  of  Jacksonville  Asylum  is  concerned,  I  can 
assure  the  public  they  need  no  longer  be  blinded  in  relation 
to  the  truth ;  for  in  this  volume  they  have  the  curtain  view 
of  one  Asylum,  and  there  is  no  reason  to  doubt  but  that  this 
is  a  fair  representation  of  others,  generally. 

This  being  the  case,  the  need  of  a  universal  and  radical  re- 
construction of  principles  in  this  department  of  humanitarian 
reform,  is  a  self-evident  fact,  which  should  at  once  command 
the  attention  of  every  philanthropist. 

LXXXVI. 

A  Note  of  Thanks  to   the  Rail  Road  Companies,  and 
the  Press  of  Illinois. 

It  is  with  feelings  of  sincere  gratitude  that  I  am  permitted 
to  acknowledge  the  favors  so  gallantly  bestowed  by  the 
gentlemanly  Superintendents  of  the  Railroad  Companies  of 
Illinois,  in  passing  me  over  their  roads  on  '•  Complimentary 
Tickets/'  while  in  the  performance  of  this  public  mission  for 
the  benefit  of  this  State.  I  am  happy  to  state  that  no  Super- 
intendent has  yet  refused  to  give  me  a  pass,  but  on  the  con- 
trary, all  have  passed  me  with  the  most  cheerful  promptness 
whenever  I  have  made  personal  application  for  this  favor. 

My  grateful  acknowledgements  are  also  hereby  tendered  to 
the  Hartford,  New  Haven,  New  York,  Harrisburg,  Pittsburg, 
Fort  Wayne,  and  Chicago  Railroad  Companies,  who  passed 
me  from  Hartford  to  Chicago  with  equal  cheerfulness,  upon 
learning  thr-  object  of  my  mission. 


840  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Indeed,  special  thanks  are  due  the  Superintendent  at  Hart- 
ford, who,  self-moved,  was  the  first  to  offer  me  such  a  favor, 
and  who  also  gave  me  a  letter  of  introduction  to  the  New 
Haven  Superintendent,  recommending  him  to  pass  me  to  the 
New  York  Superintendent,  and  so  on.  By  a  sound  and  lucid 
argument,  he  convinced  me  of  the  reasonableness  and  propri- 
ety of  asking  such  favors  of  public  officers,  while  on  a  mission 
of  public  utility,  prosecuted  at  my  own  expense,  and  working 
at  the  same  time,  without  money  and  without  price. 

To  the  Press  of  Illinois  do  I  feel  under  special  obligations 
for  the  aid  they  have  so  kindly  and  generously  afforded  me  in 
the  prosecution  of  my  mission,  by  allowing  the  columns  of  the 
papers  of  the  various  parties  and  sects  of  this  State,  to  be 
used  in  aid  of  this  humanitarian  cause. 

Both  the  Tribune,  and  the  Times,  of  Chicago,  have  rendered 
me  most  valuable'  service,  thus  demonstrating  the  pleasing 
fact,  that  both  of  the  political  parties  of  this  State  can  unite 
in  this  cause  of  common  philanthropy. 

The  example  of  these  noble  pioneers  has  been  followed  by 
nearly  all  the  other  papers  of  Illinois,  and  thereby  they  are 
all  deserving  my  most  grateful  thanks,  which  1  do  hereby 
freely  bestow. 

I  am  under  special  obligations  to  the  Springfield  Register, 
for  their  efficient  and  timely  aid,  during  the  session  of  the 
legislature  of  1867,  by  allowing  their  columns  to  be  used  as 
a  means  of  bringing  the  need  of  this  reform  before  that  body, 
the  result  of  which  was  the^appointment  of  the  Investigating 
Committee. 


LXXXYII. 

An  Appeal  to  the  People  of  Illinois  for  a  Redress  of 
my  Wrongs. 

It  is  the  State  of  Illinois  whom  posterity  will  hold  respon- 
sible for  my  false  imprisonment,  for  it   was  under  their  laws 


AN  APPEAL.  841 

this  conspiracy  was  shielded.  I  have  suffered  the  penalty- 
due  the  State,  for  licensing  such  a  persecuting  power  against 
their  defenseless  married  women. 

Because  of  being  a  married  woman,  I  have  been  a  defense- 
less victim  of  one  of  the  most  cruel  religious  persecutions  the 
page  of  history  has  had  to  record;  and  so  far  as  the  law  is 
concerned.  I  have  still  no  right  to  the  home  from  which  I  was 
so  cruelly  ejected  eight  years  since.  I  am  homeless — simply 
because  I  choose  to  worship  God  according  to  the  dictates  of 
my  own  conscience,  rather  than  my  husband's  ;  and  it  is 
because  my  husband,  instead  of  the  government,  has  the  con- 
trol of  my  personal  identity,  that  this  marital  usurper  has 
decreed  that  I  shall  never  be  allowed  to  have  the  guardianship 
of  my  own  children,  so  long  as  I  cherish  my  present  views  of 
truth  and  duty. 

This  usurper  says,  "  The  home  is  mine  by  law,  and  I  shall 
protect  you  in  it,  or  drive  you  from  it,  just  as  my  own  sove- 
reign will  dictates."  He  also  says,  "  The  children  are  allmme 
by  law,  and  as  their  guardian,  I  shall  not  allow  them  to  be 
contaminated  by  their  mother's  religious  errors." 

I  feel  that  I  have  been  deeply  wronged,  and  injured,  by 
this  usurpers  power,  and  I  now  turn  with  woman's  trusting 
confidence  to  the  manly  government  of  this  Republic,  and  ask 
you  to  protect  me  in  my  home  as  my  right — that  you  protect 
me  in  the  guardianship  of  my  children,  as  my  maternal  right 
— that  you  protect  me  in  my  right  to  worship  God  according 
to  the  dictates  of  my  own  conscience,  without  molestation 
from  this  marital  power. 

I  do  not  ask  for  the  right  of  "secession'1  from  the  marriage 
union — I  simply  ask  for  the  protection  of  my  inalienable 
rights,  as  an  individual,  while  in  the  union. 

And  I  stand  not  alone  in  these  ranks  of  the  persecuted. 
Nay,  verily,  I  am  only  a  single  representative  of  a  large  class 
of  married  women  in  America,  who  are  bound  by  these  chains 
of  married  servitude,  to  a  soul  bondage  worse  than  death. 
Now  that  the  negro  slave  is  emancipated,  there  is  no  citizen 
of  this  Republic,  who  is  not  legally  protected  in  their  right  to 


842  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

worship  God  according  to  the  dictates  of  their  own  conscience 
except  the  married  women  of  this  free  Republic! 

Many  of  this  class  have  reason  to  fear  from  the  bigotry  and 
intolerance  of  their  husbands — their  masters  in  law.  Often 
has  the  remark  been  made  to  me  by  such  sufferers,  "  Mrs. 
Packard,  I  believe  just  as  you  do,  but  I  dare  not  utter  my 
opinions  for  fear  my  husband  will  say  I  am  insane,  and  then 
bring  me  before  a  Jury  for  trial,  which  will  expose  me  also  to 
imprisonment  !  Therefore  I  am  compelled  to  act  the  hypocrite 
and  pretend  to  believe  what  I  do  not !" 

'Tis  true  the  social  rights  of  the  married  women  are  more 
imperilled  than  those  of  any  other  class — for  her  identity  is 
s~)  merged,  or  lost  in  that  of  her  husband,  as  to  render  her 
utterly  helpless,  by  way  of  self-defense  from  this  marital  usur- 
pation. Now  since  the  position  of  legal  nonentity  is  an 
insuperable  barrier  to  her  receiving  legal  protection  of  her 
rights  of  religious  belief,  except  it  come  through  her  husband, 
why  will  not  our  government  emancipate  us  from  our  slavish 
position,  so  that  we  may  be  as  well  protected  in  the  exercise 
of  our  religious  belief,  as  our  husbands  are  in  their  own? 

We  do  not  ask  this  recognition  of  our  individuality,  or  iden- 
tity for  the  purpose  of  usurping  any  of  our  husband's  rights, 
but  simply  for  the  protection  and  defense  of  our  own,  from 
marital  usurpation. 

My  case  demonstrates  the  sad  truth,  that  there  are  cases 
where  the  husband  does  usurp  the  rights  of  the  wife,  instead 
of  protecting  them  as  his  marriage  vow  requires  him  to  do. 
Now  what  can  be  the  harm  in  allowing  the  wives  of  such 
usurpers  a  legal  right  and  power  to  defend  themselves  when 
needed  ? 

Do  you  say  that  it  gives  the  wife  a  double  guard  of  defense 
— the  protection  of  the  marital  and  legal  power  both?  Yes, 
so  it  does,  we  admjt,  and  we  grant  too,  that  it  is  only  in  such 
extreme  cases,  like  my  own,  that  the  wife  needs  legal  defense 
from  this  marital  power.  But  we  do  not  like  to  be  exposed 
to  this  liability.  Such  men  need  the  force  of  law  to  compel 
them  to  protect  their  wives,  for  the  higher  law  of  manliness 


AN  APPEAL.  343 

Clumbers  within,  and  needs  to  be  quickened  into  life  and  ac- 
tion by  the  lower  law  of  human  enactments. 

But  the  objector  may  say,  "There  is  no  need  of  law  to  pro- 
tect the  married  woman,  for  public  sentiment  will  hold  the 
husband  to  be  true  to  his  marriage  vow,  as  the  protectoi 
of  his  wife."  Why  then  did  not  this  influence  hold  my  hus 
band  to  his  responsibility  in  this  respect?  And  why  did  no< 
the  public  deliver  me  out  of  my  prison-house  of  unjust  cap 
tivity  ?  Simply  because  there  was  no  law  back  of  thest 
influences  to  depend  upon  in  making  a  defensive  attack. 

Now  had  this  power  existed,  my  husband  would  not  have 
dared  to  risk  the  attack,  and  thus  the  evil  I  have  suffered, 
might  have  been  prevented.  It  was  my  very  defenselessness 
which  tempted  him  to  risk  public  sentiment,  even  when  he 
knew  it  was  against  him,  trusting  to  the  law  to  shield  him, 
in  open  defiance  of  this  influence. 

Again — the  law  is  made  for  the  exceptional  cases;  it  is  not 
intended  for  the  masses,  who  area  law  unto  themselves.  For 
example,  the  penalties  against  theft  are  not  made  to  restrain 
the  masses,  but  the  thieves  of  society — the  exceptions.  These 
penalties  do  not  imply  that  all  are  going  to  steal,  but  since 
some  do,  and  will,  even  in  defiance  of  the  higher  law,  a  hu- 
man law  is  needed  for  the  restraint  of  this  class. 

So  in  asking  for  the  protection  of  law  to  the  married  woman, 
we  do  not  imply  that  the  masses  of  men  need  the  force  of  law 
to  compel  them  to  protect  their  wives — we  only  mean  that 
there  is,  occasionally,  an  extreme  case,  where  the  marital 
power  needs  the  restraint  of  the  law  for  the  protection  of  the 
wife's  identity.  Therefore,  to  meet  these  exceptional  cases, 
we  need  a  legal  identity  of  our  own,  independent  of  our  hus- 
bands. We  must  therefore,  be  emancipated,  so  that  we  can 
protect  ourselves,  as  married  women,  in  cases  where  our  hus- 
bands will  not  prove  true  to  the  marriage  vow. 

Rev.  Theophilus  Packard,  one  of  Illinois  Presbyterian 
clergy,  is  a  guilty  man — Dr.  Andrew  McFarland,  Illinois 
Superintendent  of  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum,  is  a  guilty 
man — Trustees  of  Illinois  State  Asylum  at  Jacksonville,  are 


344  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

guilty  men — and  the  State  of  Illinois  has  been  ignorantly 
guilty  in  shielding  all  these  criminal  officials  from  punishment 
due  them,  for  bringing  such  a  deep  stain  upon  the  honor  of 
their  proud  State. 

To  this  State  do  I,  the  representative  of  this  deeply  injur- 
ed class  of  Illinois  citizens,  now  turn  for  an  honorable  redress 
of  these  wrongs.  I  do  not  ask  you  to  punish  these  guilty 
conspirators,  who  by  your  own  laws  are  guilty  of  no  crime(!) 
in  thus  incarcerating  one  of  her  married  women  for  religious 
belief.  Therefore  the  avenging  of  these  wrongs  must  be  set- 
tled at  a  higher  than  an  earthly  tribunal.  I  have  entered 
no  prosecution  against  them,  neither  do  I  seek  for  such  a  re- 
dress. 

But  all  the  redress  I  have  already  sought,  has  been 
most  cheerfully  granted  by  Illinois  Legislature  of  1867,  in  the 
passage  of  the  "  Personal  Liberty  Bill."  To  secure  its  pass- 
age has  cost  me  eighteen  months  of  toilsome  labor  in  travel- 
ing throughout  the  limits  of  the  State,  to  awaken  the  torpid, 
blinded  public  to  the  need  of  this  reform.  I  have  borne  my 
own  expenses  on  this  mission,  and  have  worked  without  ask- 
ing pay  or  charity. 

I  have  had  many  obstacles  to  overcome.  My  character 
has  been  assailed  by  those  who  ought  to  have  defended  it. 
But  in  the  name  of  right  and  justice  I  have  struggled  on,  de- 
termined that  an  upright  course  of  self-sacrificing  benevolence 
should  silence  the  tongue  of  the  slanderer,  and  put  to  shame 
all  those  who  would  defame  my  stainless  character. 

It  may  perhaps  under  the  circumstances,  not  be  improper 
to  state,  that  I  have  assumed  pecuniary  responsibilities  which 
still  demand  a  large  share  of  energy  and  perseverance  to 
meet. 

At  about  fifty  years  of  age  I  have  been  compelled,  in  con- 
sequence of  the  unreasonable  position  the  law  assigns  me 
as  a  married  woman,  to  begin  life's  struggle  alone,  and  unaided, 
having  no  other  capital  to  depend  npon,  but  my  good  health 
and  education.  "With  the  aid  of  this  capital  alone,  I  have 
paid  the  entire  expense  of  printing  and  selling  eighteen  thou- 
sand books,  by  my  own  efforts  entirely. 


AN  APPEAL.  845 

Encouraged  by  the  sale  of  my  books,  I  have  ventured  to 
assume  the  responsibility  contained  in  the  following  letter  I 
dropped  into  the  Post  Office,  on  the  25th  of  Dec.  1866, 
directed  to  Rev.  T.  Packard,  South  Deerfield,  Mass. 

A     CHRISTMAS    PRESENT. 

Whereas,  in  the  Providence  of  God,  my  own  dear  family 
have  become  objects  of  charity,  and  are  now  dependent,  eith- 
er upon  public  or  private  charity,  for  their  support  and  edu- 
cation—  And  whereas,  by  the  favor  and  smiles  of  a  kind 
Providence,  my  personal  efforts  to  secure  for  myself  a  main- 
tenance have  been  so  abundantly  rewarded  and  successful, 
as  not  only  to  secure  for  myself  a  competency,  but  also  justi- 
fies me,  as  I  view  it,  in  now  assuming  the  pecuniary  responsi- 
bilities of  my  own  dear  family. 

Therefore,  in  order  that  society  and  their  friends  be  relieved 
of  the  burden  of  their  support  and  education,  I,  the  wife  and 
mother  of  this  family,  do,  hereby,  of  my  own  free  will  and 
choice,  bestow  upon  my  family,  viz :  Rev.  T.  Packard, 
Elizabeth,  George,  and  Arthur  Packard,  this  offer  of  a  home, 
support  and  educational  advantages,  upon  the  following  con- 
ditions— viz  : 

The  property  used  for  this  purpose  being  the  avails  of  my 
own  hard  labor,  shall  be  retained  in  my  own  name,  and  shall 
thereby  be  subject  to  my  own  control. 

The.  location  of  this  home  must  be  near  some  college, 
where  males  and  females  can  both  receive  a  collegiate  educa- 
tion at  the  same  institution. 

The  State  and  Town  where  this  home  shall  be  located  may 
be  chosen  by  my  family  to  whom  this  offer  is  made. 

It  would  be  my  decided  wish  and  highest  pleasure  to  make 
this  home  a  home  for  myself  also  ;  still  I  do  not  make  this  a 
condition  of  its  acceptance,  but  willingly  leave  it  to  the  de- 
cision of  my  family,  whether  this  desire  of  my  heart  be 
granted  or  not. 

This  offer,  if  accepted,  can  be  bestowed  upon  my  family 
by  October,  1867. 

E.  P.  W.  PACKARD. 


846  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Thus  the  thinking  public  can  see  the  facts  of  my  experi- 
ence demonstrate  the  truth,  that  a  married  woman  is  as  ca- 
pable of  self-support  as  a  married  man.  Therefore,  for  a  re- 
dress of  my  wrongs  I  now  appeal  to  the  people  of  Illinois  for 
emancipation  from  'my  slavish  position — that  of  a  legal  nonenti- 
ty, or  a  non-existent  being,  to  that  of  an  entity,  or  existent 
being,  before  the  law — so  that  I,  as  a  married  woman,  may 
be  as  well  protected  in  my  rights  as  a  woman,  as  my  husband 
is  in  his  rights,  as  a  man. 

Thus  will  Illinois  become,  as  her  honor  now  demands,  the 
banner  State  in  raising  married  women  to  that  plane  of  ex- 
istence, which  the  intelligence  of  the  nineteenth  century  de- 
mands. 

A  Bill  to  this  effect  is  to  be  presented  to  the  Illinois  Legis- 
lature of  1869,  and  may  God  grant  that  Illinois'  stain  may 
then  be  obliterated  by  the  passage  of  this  Bill. 


MRS.  OLSEN'S    NARRATIVE 


OF    HER 


ONE  YEAR'S  IMPRISONMENT, 


AT 


Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum: 


WITH  THE  TESTIMONY  Ol 


Mrs.   Minard,    Mrs.  Shedd,   Mrs.  Vales,    and   Mrs.  Lake,   all 

corroborated  by  the  Investigating  Committee 

of  the  Legislature  of  Illinois. 


COLLECTED  AND    PUBLISHED 


BY  MES.  E.  P.  W.  PACKAKD. 


CHICAGO: 
A.  B.  CASE,  PRINTER,   189  MONROE   ST. 

1868. 


Entered  according  te  act  of  CODJWM  A.  D.,  188$,  by 

MRS.  E.  P.  W.  PACKARD, 
to  MM  Clerk'i  office  of  the  Dirt.  Court  for  the  Northern  DUt  of  Illinoti 


A.  B.  Ciii,  Printer,  Chlono. 


MS.  PACKARD'S  COADJUTOR'S  TESTIMONY, 

APPENDED  TO  HER  OWN 

"PRISON  LIFE." 


CONTENTS. 

Introduction, 9 

CHAPTER  I. 
Reception  at  the  Asylum, 11 

CHAPTER  II. 
False  Colors, 17 

CHAPTER  III. 
Seventh  Ward  Experiences, 22 

CHAPTER  IY. 
A  Storm  Approaching, 31 

CHAPTER  V. 
Dangerous  Experiments, 40 

CHAPTER  VI. 
Breakers  Ahead, 43 

CHAPTER    VII. 
The  Fifth  Ward, 46 

CHAPTER  VIII. 
Purgatorial  Experiences, 55 

CHAPTER  IX. 
Satan's  Representative, 59 

CHAPTER  X. 
The  Resurrection, 64 

CHAPTER  XI. 

The  Reign  of  Terror, 73 

(5) 


VI  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XII. 
Reign  of  Terror  ended, 77 

CHAPTER  XIII. 
Wives  and  Husbands, 89 

CHAPTER  XIV. 
The  Insanity  of  Orthodoxy, 92 

CHAPTER  XV. 
How  to  make   Incurables, 97 

CHAPTER  XVI. 
Departure  of  Mrs.  Packard, 102 

CHAPTER  XVII. 
My  Departure, 106 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 
Reports — Visits  of  Trustees, 112 

CHAPTER  XIX. 
Fallacies, 115 

CHAPTER  XX. 
Influence  of  Insane  Asylums  upon  their  Victims, 118 

CHAPTER  XXI. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  Sarah  Minard,  of  St.  Charles,  111. . . .   122 

CHAPTER  XXII. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  T.  F.  Shedd,  of  Aurora,  111., 128 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  H.  H.  Yates,  of  Chicago,  111 133 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  C.  E.  Lake,  of  Aurora,  111., 136 


Note  to  the  Reader. 

In  publishing  Mrs.  Olsen's  Narrative,  I  feel  called  upon  to 
state  some  facts,  which  she  has  (  for  reasons  best  known  to 
herself)  withheld  in  her  statement.  She  states  that  she  went 
of  her  own  accord  to  the  Asylum,  and  this  fact  is  corroborated 
by  the  testimony  of  her  family  relatives.  But  why  did  she  go 
at  all?  is  a  question  the  reader  has,  in  my  opinion,  a  right  to 
know.  Therefore  I  will  take  the  responsibility  of  stating 
that  it  was  because  of  the  unreasonable  and  cruel  treatment 
she  was  receiving  from  her  insane  husband,  which  treatment, 
for  her  husband's  sake,  she  wished  to  conceal  from  the  world. 
These  influences  led  her  to  prefer  going  to  the  Asylum  her- 
self, instead  of  consenting  to  his  going,  as  had  been  proposed 
by  some  of  her  neighbors.  And  in  the  opinion  of  some,  it 
may  be  considered  as  an  insane  act  in  Mrs.  Olsen's  thus  offer- 
ing to  go  to  the  Insane  Asylum  tinder  such  circumstances. 
But  Mrs.  Olsen,  being  by  her  organization,  one  of  the  most 
benevolent  and  self-sacrificing  of  her  sex,  it  was  not,  for  her, 
an  unnatural  or  insane  act. 

Again,  her  sympathizing  heart  had  long  beat  in  unison 
with  the  sufferings  of  the  insane,  and  she  desired  to  look 


vni 

behind  the  curtain  of  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum,  to  see  for 
herself  how  the  insane  were  treated  there  ;  and  therefore  she 
consented  to  go  on  the  terms  stipulated  in  her  narrative. 

It  may  be  a  satisfaction  to  the  readers  of  this  volume,  to 
know  that  the  facts  here  stated  by  my  coadjutors  have  been 
authenticated  and  corroborated  by  the  Illinois  Investigating 
Committee,  appointed  by  the  Legislature  of  1867,  to  investi- 
gate and  report  the  result  to  the  Governor,  which  they  did  on 
the  second  of  December  following.  In  this  report,  Mrs. 
Olsen,  Mrs.  Minard,  Mrs.  Shedd,  myself  and  five  others,  are 
named  as  witnesses  on  whose  testimony,  in  their  opinion,  the 
public  may  safely  rely. 

MBS.  E.  P.  W.  PACKABD. 
Chicago,  May,  1868. 


PART  II. 
INTKODUCTOEY, 


"  TRUTH  is  mighty  and  will  prevail,"  says  an  old  adage. 
Those  who  feel  impelled  by  some  strong  moral  motive,  to 
express  it,  are  often  obliged  to  meet  and  combat  errors  and 
stern  opposing  influences.  But  the  earnest  advocates  of 
truth  will  not  be  disheartened  by  such  obstacles.  They 
know  that  truth  has  in  itself  a  vitality,  a  cogency,  which 
though  long  suppressed,  clouded  by  error,  and  opposed  by 
its  enemies,  will  yet  by  its  own  innate  power,  win  its  way 
to  the  ultimate  recognition  of  all  human  intelligences. 

Impressed  by  these  convictions,  I  have  ventured  to  write 
this  humble  work  for  the  public.  In  doing  this,  my  object 
has  been  solely  to  exhibit  and  to  diffuse  the  truth  upon  the 
now  much  contested  subject  of  the  "  Insane  Asylum  of 
Illinois."  In  detailing  my  own  experience  and  observation 
there,  I  have  employed  no  artificial  coloring.  The  pencil 
of  the  artist,  and  the  graphic  pen  of  the  poet  can  be  better 
employed  than  by  attempting  to  heighten  the  color  of  scenes 
which  need  no  painting.  These  scenes  have  been  related 
just  as  they  occurred  before  my  eyes  ;  my  own  reflections 
having  been  given  as  they  spontaneously  arose. 

I  spent  more  than  a  year  there,  and  had  the  most  ample 
opportunity  to  make  observations  in  each  of  the  female 
IA 


10  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

departments.  There  I  saw  the  mild  and  peaceful,  the  wild 
and  furious,  the  profane  and  indecent,  and  the  wretched  vic- 
tims of  a  cureless  insanity  caused  by  the  indulgence  of  the 
most  horrible  vices.  Twenty  days  I  spent  in  the  lowest  pri- 
son, or,  as  they  term  it,  the  Fifth  Ward,  that  universal,  in- 
discriminate slaughter-house  of  human  life,  and  of  human 
affections !  Sickness,  in  all  its  terrible  and  most  revolting 
forms,  was  witnessed  in  this  abode  of  human  woe.  Death 
also  there  appeared,  in  the  beautiful  exemplifications  of  Chris- 
tian martyrdom,  when  the  smile  upon  the  heaven-illuminated 
features  spoke  only  of  forgiveness,  peace,  and  love  !  I  saw 
the  fearful  work  of  death,  too,  in  the  suicidal  hand ;  which, 
prompted  by  the  fears  of  a  life  more  to  be  dreaded,  cut  short 
its  brittle  thread,  and  precipitated  its  miserable  victim  into 
an  uncalled  eternity.  I  have  witnessed  in  the  Lunatic 
"Asylum,"  the  brightest  specimens  of  human  loveliness  and 
beauty,  the  richest  gems  of  thought ;  illustrations  of  imper- 
ishable genius  ;  the  triumph  of  soul  and  spirit  over  the  mortal 
tenement,  visions  of  unearthly  beauty,  records  of  undying 
affection,  the  most  heroic  self-abnegation  over  the  most 
sublime  fortitude  and  long  enduring  patience, — all  have 
here  been  indelibly  engraved  upon  my  memory  and  my 
heart. 

In  the  midst  of  such  ample  opportunities,  and  from  such 
rich  materials  have  these  pages  been  compiled ;  and  perhaps 
I-need  only  add  that  my  present  convictions  on  the  subject 
of  Lunatic  Asylums  are  not  indebted  to  the  influence  either 
of  prejudice  or  passion  nor  to  any  mental  condition  calculated 
to  distort  my  vision  or  my  judgement. 

This  I  trust  will  fully  appear  in  the  following  pages,  which 
are  now  respectfully  submitted  to  the  candid  consideration 
of  an  enlightened  public. 

MRS.  SOPHIA  N.  B.  OLSEN. 
Wheaton,  DuPage,  Co.,  Jan.  15,  1868. 


I. 

Reception  at  the  Asylum. 

"  I  will  a  round  unvarnished  tale  deliver." 

During  the  ever-memorable  month  of  August,  1862,  I  had 
acquired  from  debilitated  health,  in  consequence  of  long 
watching  over  my  sick  husband,  and  a -great  variety  of  other 
duties  pressing  heavily  upon  me,  a  state  of  mind  which  he 
thought  was  either  insanity,  or  bordering  upon  it.  In  conse- 
quence of  nervous  exhaustion,  by  this  over-exertion,  both 
my  physical  and  mental  condition  had  acquired  an  unusual 
degree  of  activity,  such  as  often  results  by  losing  much 
sleep,  accompanied  by  excessive  trouble  or  mental  anxiety. 
This  was  the  only  way  in  which  my  condition  of  mind  at 
the  time  of  which  I  speak,  varied  from  its  ordinary  channel ; 
and  rest  and  recuperation  of  health  were  all  that  was  needed 
for  my  perfect  restoration.  My  reasoning  powers  were  not 
in  the  least  impaired ;  nor  was  I  indisposed  or  incapacitated 
as  to  the  performance  of  a  single  domestic  or  other  duty. 

It  was  but  a  very  few  days  after  my  husband  had  indicated 
his  fears  of  my  sanity  leaving  me,  that  he  proposed  our  re- 
moval from  Chicago  to  St.  Paul,  in  Minnesota.  In  arranging 
for  this,  he  left  me  to  perform  all  the  duties  of  taking  care 
of  our  property  and  preparing  to  follow  him.  He  thought 
best  to  go  a  few  weeks  in  advance,  and  previously  gave  me 
many  directions  respecting  the  disposition  of  our  domestic 
affairs  ;  to  every  one  of  which  I  diligently  attended,  scrupu- 
lously consulting  his  interest  and  pleasure  in  the  most  mi- 
nute particulars. 

(11) 


12  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

When  he  returned  from  St.  Paul,  in  just  one  week,  he 
found  me  confined  in  one  of  the  city  prisons  in  consequence 
of  unfounded  rumors  originated  by  himself,  of  my  assumed 
insanity !  This  most  cruel  and  unnecessary  action  was  per- 
formed by  one  whose  name,  in  mercy  to  himself  and  his  family, 
I  will  spare,  and  in  the  absence  from  the  city  of  all  my  rela- 
tions, except  one  who  had  no  power  to  protect  me  from  this 
most  unexampled  injustice.  This  nefarious  business  trans- 
pired, not  because  I  had  either  done  or  attempted  the  least 
posible  harm,  but  because  it  was  feared  that  I  might! 

This  shows  the  state  of  feeling  existing  in  consequence  of 
a  falsely  educated  public  sentiment  on  this  subject.  A  per- 
son is  reported  insane  ;  the  first  thing  is  to  deprive  him  of  all 
proper  sympathy  and  of  all  human  rights,  lest  he  should  injure 
some  one  1  He  is  harmed,  to  keep  others  from  being  harmed; 
and  very  often  too,  upon  the  strength  of  some  ungrounded 
suspicions  promulgated  by  straggling  reports.  But  it  is 
hoped  the  day  is  not  far  distant  when  people  will  learn  that 
it  is  better  first  to  examine  the  facts  of  a  case,  instead  of 
hastily  acting  upon  flying  rumors,  when  the  dearest  rights  of 
human  beings  are  at  stake  ;  when  they  will  also  learn  that 
prisons  were  made  for  criminals,  and  not  for  innocent  and 
feeble  women ! 

Instead  of  weeping  or  complaining  or  raving  in  my  prison, 
as  I  think  many  less  disciplined  in  the  school  of  affliction 
would  have  done,  I  remained  perfectly  quiet  and  self-pos- 
sessed, calmly  awaiting  the  hour  of  deliverance  which  I  in- 
stinctively felt  was  near ;  and  in  this  tranquil  condition,  my 
husband  found  me  the  next  day.  The  keys  of  the  Armoiy 
were  instantly  turned  in  another  direction. 

He  had  been  cautioned  to  say  but  little  to  me,  as  I  inferred 
from  the  mysterious  taciturnity  of  his  manner.  He  evidently 
thought  my  supposed  malady  would  be  increased  by  the  "  ex- 
citement" of  conversation;  and  under  the  influence  of  this 
fear,  forbore  the  proper  means  for  investigation  which  would 
have  dissipated  his  delusion  at  once.  An  open  review  of  the 
facts  would  have  elicited  a  correct  understanding  of  affairs,  and 


RECEPTION  AT  THE  ASYLUM.  IS 

made  us  mutually  happy  on  the  spot,  instead  of  plunging  us 
into  all  the  losses,  the  sorrows  and  the  sufferings  which  have 
subsequently  resulted  to  us  both.  Rumors  were  soon  circu- 
lated among  my  transient  acquaintances  to  the  effect  that  I 
was  insane,  and  that  arrangements  were  in  progress  to  de- 
prive me  of  my  liberty!  It  is  remarkable  that  not  a  single 
person  ever  took  the  least  pains  to  investigate  the  occasions 
for  these  rumors.  Had  they  done  so,  far  different  would 
have  been  the  result.  But  it  is  a  fact,  however  inconsistent 
it  may  seem,  that  the  very  suspicion  that  a  person  is  insane 
scares  away  cool  reason  from  all  his  friends.  Often  with  the 
merest  trifle  for  a  foundation,  it  is  solemnly  whispered  from 
one  to  another,  that  "some  one  is  insane!"  The  report  cir- 
culates with  every  circumstance  of  exaggeration  which  the 
terrified  imagination  of  the  narrator  can  affix  to  the  same, 
until  it  assumes  a  most  terrible  importance.  The  -accused  is 
watched  in  every  motion ;  every  look,  every  tone  of  the 
voice  becomes  an  object  of  the  severest  espionage.  Even 
the  distress  of  mind  all  must  feel  when  environed  by  such  a 
crushing  scrutiny,  is  construed  into  additional  evidence  of 
unmistakable  mental  derangement.  Thus  the  suffering  vic- 
tim of  so  much  folly  is  worried,  excited  and  hurried  along 
through  scenes  of  increased  and  repeated  excitements,  until 
the  ever-hungry  jaws  of  the  Lunatic  "  Asylum"  so  called, 
are  opened  to  complete  the  tragical  drama. 

There  were  some  circumstances  which  made  me  willing  to 
go  unresistingly  to  the  "Asylum,"  but  I  did  not  wish  to  go  aa 
a  patient;  but  there  were  reasons  of  entirely  another  charac- 
ter, which  will  be  developed  in  the  course  of  my  history, 
which  reconciled  me  temporarily  to  go  there.  It  may  well 
be  inferred  that  the  circumstances  from  which  could  spring 
so  singular  a  resolultion,  were  of  an  exceedingly  afflictive 
character  ;  indeed  such  as  to  try  every  tender  chord  of  wo- 
man's delicate  nature.  I  watched  myself  with  the  severest 
scrutiny,  to  keep  calm  in  this  severe  ordeal  of  my  affliction, 
and  strove  to  evince  by  my  deportment,  more  than  usual 
kindness  and  deference  to  those  around  me,  and  by  attend- 


14  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

ing  strictly  to  the  performance  of  all  my  duties,  to  dissipate 
all  prejudice.  But  it  was  too  late;  my  single-handed  efforts 
were  unavailing. 

Our  parting  I  shall  not  attempt  to  describe.  We  had 
lived  together  more  than  five  years,  during  which  it  had  ever 
been  my  study  to  promote  his  comfort,  happiness,  and  inter- 
est by  every  way  in  my  power,  according  to  my  best  intelli- 
gence. He  was  dearer  than  my  own  ease  or  my  own  life; 
for  his  sake  I  had  resigned  the  former,  and  nearly  sacrificed 
the  latter.  And  now  for  the  first  time,  we  were  to  be  sepa- 
rated, by  his  own  wishes,  on  the  basis  of  suspicions  that  I  was, 
or  might  become  insane  !  A  dark  cloud  was  over  my  spirit 
as  I  dimly  foresaw  the  consequences  to  our  future  life  of  such 
a  separation.  It  seemed  as  if  all  the  fountains  of  grief  I  had 
ever  experienced  were  now  welling  up  anew  to  overwhelm 
me.  He  exhorted  me  to  be  of  good  courage,  assured  me  our 
separation  should  be  but  transient,  and  promised  to  pray  daily 
for  our  happy  reunion.  I  draw  a  veil  over  our  final  scene  of 
separation  ;  it  is  too  sadly  sacred  for  the  world  to  gaze  upon. 
We  parted, — and  forever. 

He  had  employed  my  youngest  brother  to  take  me  to  the 
"Asylum ;"  and  when  he  left  me  in  charge  of  the  latter,  and 
stood  in  the  street  bowing  and  waving,  with  his  hat,  his  final 
adieus,  it  seemed  that  my  very  heart  itself  was  left  behind  me. 
I  could  not  now  restrain  the  blistering  tears  which  rolled 
in  torrents  down  my  face.  My  kind  brother  saw  my  emotion, 
and  had  the  good  sense  not  to  speak  to  me,  aware  that  words 
could  prove  but  the  veriest  mockery  of  consolation. 

August  6th  was  the  fatal  day  in  which  the  formidable  doors 
of  that  institution,  the  world  calls  an  "  Asylum,"  were  locked 
upon  me,  and  I  found  myself  indeed  a  prisoner.  Finding 
it  inevitable,  I  submitted  with  cheerfulness.  This  submis- 
sion however  was  given  under  a  very  mistaken  idea  of  the 
doom  impending  over  me. 

It  was  understood  by  a  special  arrangement  between  my- 
self and  the  Superintendent,  that  I  was  to  have  a.  comforta- 
ble room  all  the  time ;  free  from  the  noise  of  turbulent  pa- 


RECEPTION   AT   THE   ASYLUM.  15 

tients,  where  I  could  write;  and  that  I  should  enjoy  an 
unrestricted  epistolary  correspondence  with  my  husband  and  other 
friends  all  the  time  I  remained  there.  How  far  the  Doctor 
fulfilled  his  pledges,  we  shall  see  in  the  sequel. 

I  was  of  course  admitted  to  the  Seventh,  the  most  pleasant 
and  highly  privileged  of  all  the  wards.  There  my  brother 
left  me  with  my  own  consent,  being  assured  in  my  presence, 
by  the  officers,  that  everything  should  be  done  for  my  com- 
fort and  for  the  resuscitation  of  my  exhausted  health. 

I  was  now  pleasantly  initiated  in  what  I  supposed  would 
be  an  "Asylum"  to  me  in  my  weak  and  exhausted  condition 
of  body,  and  very  cheerfully  surrendered  myself  to  the  two 
attendants  of  that  hall,  both  of  whom  appeared  to  be  pleasant 
and  amiable  ladies.  Firmly  resolving  to  obey  every  rule  of 
the  institution,  I  candidly  and  kindly  told  Dr.  McFarland 
this  my  determination. 

I  particularly  desired  to  make  myself  agreeable  to  my  at- 
tendants, not  only  by  sparing  them  all  unnecessary  trouble 
in  attending  to  my  wants,  but  by  anticipating  their  own 
wishes,  and  rendering  them  unhesitating  obedience  in  all 
their  requirements  of  me.  That  I  faithfully  adhered  to  this 
resolution  all  the  time  I  was  in  their  hall,  and  that  "I  ever 
treated  them  respectfully  and  kindly,  they  did  me  the  justice 
to  bear  me  ample  witness,  a  short  time  previous  to  my  leav- 
ing the  institution.  It  was  my  wish  to  convince  my  friends, 
especially  my  husband,  that  my  industrious  habits  were  not 
in  the  least  impaired  by  my  supposed  "insanity/'  There- 
fore, my  next  object  was  to  obtain  some  yarn,  which  I  wished 
to  knit  for  myself,  that  being  necessary ;  next,  for  my  hus- 
band, and  after  that,  I  wished  to  knit  a  quantity  of  hosiery 
for  the  soldiers. 

I  supposed  the  matron,  Mrs.  McFarland,  would  be  willing 
to  sell  yarn  to  me  for  these  useful  purposes;  but  in  this  I  had 
made  a  mistake.  Had  I  done  this  proposed  knitting,  and 
some  other  work  I  sought,  it  would  have  come  into  collision 
with  some  of  their  plans,  one  of  which  was  to  have  me,  as 
do  most  of  their  victims,  work  unpaid  for  the  "Asylum;"or  in 


16  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

case  I  would  not  willingly  do  this,  (for  no  one  is  absolutely 
compelled  to  do  so,)  to  exhibit  me  as  an  idle  insane  woman. 
This  will  be  more  fully  shown  in  the  progress  of  my  narrative. 
I  however  obtained,  though  with  much  difficulty,  yarn  suf- 
ficient to  knit  for  myself  one  pair  of  stockings,  after  which  I 
could  never  persuade  the  matron  to  let  me  have  any  more. 

I  assiduously  cultivated  the  acquaintance  of  all  the  pa- 
tients; many  of  them  were  very  amiable  in  manners,  and  of 
a  high  grade  of  intelligence  ;  and  all,  or  nearly  all,  facile  and 
ladylike  in  deportment,  and  easily  won  to  conversation. 
They  at  once  recognized  a  friend  in  me,  and  confided  to  me 
their  tales  of  suffering,  and  much  of  their  previous  history. 
From  my  acquaintance  with  these  most  interesting  people,  I 
acquired  a  deeper  knowledge  of  the  human  heart,  and  of  hu- 
man experience  than  I  had  ever  learned  before.  It  is  not 
superfluous  to  say  that  I  found  them  all  unhappy,  except 
those  who  were  expecting  soon  to  leave  the  place.  The 
rest  were  all  extremely  unreconciled  to  the  fact  of  their  be- 
ing forcibly  detained  in  that  place,  when  it  was  their  choice 
to  return  to  their  homes. 

But  my  greatest  unhappiness  arose  from  my  anxiety  re- 
specting my  husband.  I  knew,  better  than  any  one  else, 
the  peculiar  bent  of  his  mind,  and  how  much  he  needed  some 
one  to  soothe  those  agitations  which  I  knew  would  occasion- 
ally sweep  over  his  spirit.  Who,  like  myself,  could  or  would 
attempt  to  "  hush  the  storm  and  soothe  to  peace?"  Who 
should  be  the  companion  of  his  lonely  hours?  Who  nurse 
and  solace  him  in  the  trials  of  despondency  and  sickness,  as 
I  had  ever  delighted  to  do?  Who  would  stand  between  him 
and  the  shafts  of  malice  and  evil  tongues,  and  who,  with 
tireless  care,  guard  his  happiness  and  life  from  all  that  could 
imperil  the  existence  of  either,  as  I  had  never  ceased  to  do? 
Ah!  these  were  queries  which  I  could  not  solve.  I  could 
solace  the  disquietude  of  my  mind  only  by  daily  committing 
him  to  the  care  of  a  merciful  God,  whose  unslumbering  eye 
is  over  all  his  children.  This  I  never  ceased  to  do,  and  thus 
found  a  balm  for  my  deeply  wounded  spirit. 


FALSE    COLORS.  17 

I  kept  constantly  employed  in  reading,  writing,  and  work 
ing,  and  in  cultivating  the  acquaintance  of  my  companions  in 
bonds.     An  intense  desire,  and  one  which  I  never  lost  sight 
of,  was  to  try  to  alleviate  the  sufferings  of  those  around  me. 
This  field  of  labor  had  no  limits. 


II 

False  Colors. 

"  It  is  a  truth  that  must  be  told 
That  all  that  glitters  is  not  gold." 

For  a  few  days,  all  went  on  very  well  with  me.  There 
was  much  to  approve,  and  much  that  was  calculated  to  im- 
press a  stranger,  for  such  I  now  was,  favorably  towards  the 
Institution.  Some  of  these  appearances  were  the  scrupulous 
cleanliness  of  the  halls,  and  the  ventilation,  by  means  of 
many  doors  and  windows.  The  beautiful  domain  of  thorougly 
cultivated  land,  the  ample  expanse  of  flowers  which  ex- 
haled their  rich  fragrance  in  clouds  of  balmy  perfume,  caus- 
ing the  immediate  atmosphere  outside  the  building,  to  be  ex- 
ceedingly fragrant,  and  the  whole  scenery  all  but  Paradisi- 
cal. 

I  pass  from  this  to  another  subject  less  pleasant,  for  my 
reader  will  remember  that  I  am  presenting  life  here  as  it  is, 
and  not  as  it  ought  to  be.  A  few  days  after  my  admission,  a 
lady  came  from  the  sewing  room,  and  advancing  with  a  very 
supercilious  air,  and  a  superabundance  of  smiles,  said  to  me, 
"Darling,  would  you  like  to  come  with  me,  and  a  few  other 
ladies,  into  the  sewing  room?"  She  was  a  foreigner,  and  had 
not  learned  the  proper  accent  of  English  words,  I  understood 
her  to  say  swing  room,  and  then  for  the  first  time,  discovered, 
as  I  supposed,  that  there  was  a  place  of  amusement,  a  place 
indeed  much  needed.  I  gladly  assented,  but  found  to  my 
surprise,  that  it  was  no  place  of  amusement,  but  one  of  toil. 

The  garments  of  the  gentlemen,  and  some  of  the  ladies 
who  cannot  make  their  own,  are  there  manufactured.  She 


18  THE   PRISONER'S  HIDDEN   LIFE. 

invited  me  to  take  a  seat,  and  presenting  me  with  a  part 
of  a  garment,  began  to  instruct  me  how  she  wished  me  to 
proceed  with  it.  Instead  however  of  obeying  her  implicitly, 
as  I  always  obeyed  the  attendants,  I  presumed  to  prefer  that 
my  own  reason,  instead  of  her  commands,  should  be  my 
teacher.  I  asked  how  much  she  paid  the  ladies  who  worked 
for  her,  and  whether  they  worked  by  the  piece,  or  by  the 
hour,  or  how,  or  what  were  the  conditions.  I  wished  to  as- 
certain respecting  the  terms,  before  consenting  to  work  in 
her  employ.  Her  replies  were  entirely  evasive  and  ambigu- 
ous, leaving  me  however  unequivocally  to  understand  that 
we  were  to  be  paid  only  by  the  general  advantage  of  work- 
ing to  keep  ourselves  from  the  discomforts  and  miseries  of 
idleness.  But  why  can  we  not  work  for  ourselves,  and  our 
families  at  home,  said  I?  that  would  equally  well  keep  our- 
selves from  idleness,  and  benefit  our  friends  at  the  same  time. 
She  evidently  did  not  like  the  spirit  of  my  queries,  and  re- 
ferred me  to  the  fact  that  this  was  not  a  talking  room  but  a 
sewing  room.  But  I  failed  to  see  the  advantages  of  working 
unpaid  for  others,  while  they  were  receiving  the  profits  of 
such  labor.  Nor  can  I  say  that  I  have  ever  since  become 
aware  that  it  is  either  a  privilege  or  a  duty  for  an  insane  or 
a  sane  patient,  to  labor  for  a  Superintendent  without  pay, 
while  he  already  receives  an  enormous  salary. 

But  it  appeared  that  this  estimable  lady  did  not  trouble 
her  busy  mind  with  moral  considerations.  This  was  not  in 
the  programme  of  herduties.  So,  as  I  still  hesitated,  instead 
of  going  to  work,  she  proceeded  with  all  the  logic  of  her  elo- 
quent tongue,  to  inform  me  gravely  that  exercise  was  good 
for  me;  that  I  needed  something  "for  amusement,"  etc. 
Poor  Soul !  did  she  suppose  she  was  giving  me  any  informa- 
tion? I  knew  all  these  things  long  before  she  was  born. 

But  as  she  urged  me  very  earnestly  however,  I  civilly  re- 
plied that  if  Mrs.  McFarland.  the  matron  required  me  to  la- 
bor for  the  "Asylum"  without  pay,  I  was  ready  to  do  so,  because 
I  had  voluntarily  engaged  to  obey  every  rule  of  the  Institu- 
tion ;  but  if  this  was  not  the  case,  I  should  certainly  decline 


FALSE    COLORS.  19 

the  honor  of  thus  giving  away  my  services.  Besides,  I  ad- 
ded, that  I  was  a  wife,  and  thought  it  my  duty  to  labor  for 
my  own  family  rather  than  for  strangers. 

On  observing  the  cool  and  decided  manner  with  which  I 
uttered  this,  she  persisted  no  longer,  but  opened  the  door  and 
offered  to  escort  me  back  to  my  ward.  I  told  her  I  should 
like  to  remain  while  the  other  ladies  remained.  But  a  per- 
son who  had  uttered  such  obnoxious  sentiments,  in  defence 
of  natural  rights,  it  cannot  be  supposed  was  allowed  thus  to 
do.  Had  I  continued  in  thus  expressing  my  ideas  of  justice, 
in  the  presence  of  the  victims  of  injustice,  it  would  not  have 
encouraged  their  gratuitous  toil.  So  I  bowed  to  the  ladies, 
wished  them  all  good  morning,  and  followed  their  task-mis- 
tress to  my  own  ward.  My  readers  may  be  sure  that  this 
most  affectionate  lady  never  again  called  me  "darling!" 

I  was  however  comparatively  contented  in  this  ward  for  a 
few  weeks,  while  allowed  to  write  to  my  friends,  and  never 
supposed  that  I  was  to  stay  there  more  than  two  months, 
unless  I  wished  to  do  so,  this  being  the  distinct  understand- 
ing when  I  went  there.  Dr.  McFarland  also  expressly 
agreed  to  permit  me  an  unrestricted  epistolary  communica- 
tion with  my  friends.  I  therefore  never  imagined  that  my 
letters  were  to  be  read  by  the  Doctor  and  detained  by  him 
after  such  a  sacred  pledge,  and  when  so  much  suffering  of 
mind  was  the  price  of  its  breach. 

My  husband  had  promised  to  write  to  me  once  a  week  at 
least;  several  weeks  had  passed,  since  I  had  received  any 
tidings  from  him,  I  therefore  began  to  suspect  that  my  letters 
had  never  reached  him,  indeed  that  they  had  never  left  the 
"Asylum!"  Several  patients  also  had  whispered  to  me, 
that  the  Doctor  had  intercepted  their  letters,  which  had 
caused  them  great  anxiety  and  grief.  I  was  surprised  on 
hearing  this,  as  I  knew  that  he  had  caused  much  dissatisfac- 
tion while  Superintendent  in  the  New  Hampshire  "Asylum" 
for  the  same  offence  I  believed,  that  seeing  the  trouble  it 
gave,  and  also  as  it  could  not  effect  the  least  possible  good, 
he  would  not  here  pursue  his  old  course  in  thus  disappoint- 


20 

ing  and  grieving  those  distressed  and  suffering  minds,  so  sa- 
credly confided  to  his  protection  and  compassion.  The  com- 
plaints by  several,  here  alluded  to,  were  confirmed  by  others, 
and  upon  closer  inquiry,  I  at  last  discovered  that  it  was  only 
a  privileged  few  who  were  allowed  free  communication  with 
absent  friends  I 

This  heartless  Doctor  never  gave  me  any  reasons  for 
breaking  his  promise  to  me.  He  is  not  in  the  habit  of  giving 
reasons  for  his  actions. 

This  treatment,  thus  coolly  violating  a  promise  on  which 
he  knew  I  relied,  was  not  calculated  to  allay  the  suffering 
of  my  mind,  nor  did  it  beget  in  me  any  respect  or  confidence 
in  one  who  could  thus  deliberately  falsify  his  own  word. 
Many  of  the  ladies  in  the  Seventh  ward,  told  me  that  was 
the  way  in  which  it  had  been  his  uniform  practice  to  treat 
them,  and  that,  though  they  confided  in  him  at  first,  yet  they 
had  long  since  ceased  to  do  so.  "We  don't  pretend  now," 
said  more  than  one,  '"  to  tell  him  our  wishes.  It  is  of  no 
use.  He  don't  care  anything  about  us.  He  don't  pretend 
to  notice  us,  but  goes  right  out  of  the  hall  as  though  we 
had  not  spoken  to  him." 

But  it  seemed  to  be  a  tacit  understanding  with  all  the  la- 
dies in  that  ward,  to  conceal  from  him  the  profound  contempt 
they  felt  for  him.  They  therefore  were  usually  respectful, 
though  never  candid  in  their  demeanor  to  him ;  thus  being 
forced  as  a  method  of  self  protection,  to  use  the  resort  of 
hypocrisy.  This  affords  one  illustration  of  the  morality  of 
Lunatic  "Asylums."  But  I  shall  have  occasion  in  future 
chapters  to  speak  more  at  large  of  the  influence  of  these  in- 
stitutions upon  the  morals  of  their  victims. 

Many  of  the  ladies  in  this  ward  were  so  quiet,  so  industri- 
ous and  ladylike,  in  short,  so  very  much  like  other  people, 
that  I  could  not  at  all  distinguish  them  except  by  the  superi- 
ority of  their  patience  and  some  other  rare  virtues,  from  the 
community  outside. 

One  evening  a  ball  was  held  in  another  hall  to  which  I  was 
invited,  I  observed  a  very  dignified  and  intelligent  looking 


FALSE    COLOES.  21 

gentleman,  by  whose  appearance  I  inferred  him  to  be  one  of 
the  attendants.  On  being  introduced  to  this  gentleman  I 
remarked.  "  I  presume,  Sir,  you  are  one  of  the  attendants  ?" 
"No,  I  am  not  an  attendant,"  he  replied  with  emphasis. 
"But  you  are  not  a  patient  here,"  rejoined  I,  "surely  you 
are  not  deprived  of  your  liberty  ?"  "  They  call  me  a  patient, 
he  replied,  but  I  do  not  call  myself  one,  as  nothing  is  done 
for  my  health."  This  was  the  late  Mr.  Wells,  of  Chicago, 
formerly  editor  and  proprietor  of  a  popular  commercial  paper 
in  that  city.  He  proceeded  to  speak  very  freely  to  me, 
while  the  rest  were  dancing. 

H*  said  he  had  been  ill  treated  by  a  landlord,  and  that  his 
indignation  on  the  occasion  had  been  construed  into  insanity, 
and  that  his  wife  being  frightened,  was  influenced  by  others 
to  take  him  to  the  "Asylum"  where  he  had  remained  in  a 
condition  of  great  physical  discomfort,  and  mental  suffering. 
I  asked  him  if  he  was  not  well  treated  by  Dr.  McFarland. 
He  answered  unhesitatingly  in  the  negative,  affirming  that 
he  was  uniformly  cold  and  frigid  in  his  deportment  to  him. 
I  endeavored  to  console  him  as  well  as  I  could,  referring  him 
to  those  general  principles  of  justice,  which  I  believed  would 
ultimately  be  carried  out,  and  work  emancipation  to  all  the 
suffering.  I  said  nothing  disrespectful  of  Dr.  McFarland, 
as  I  did  not  wish  to  confirm  the  views  of  Mr.  Wells,  or  add 
to  his  unpleasant,  feelings  in  that  direction;  but  said  briefly 
all  I  could  suggest  in  favor  of  the  Doctor,  reminding  Mr. 
Wells  how  difficult  it  must  be  to  do  justice  to  every  one,  in 
a  position  involving  such  weighty  responsibility.  I  cannot 
forget  the  look  he  gave  me,  as  he  turned  away  in  apparent 
disgust.  "If  you  are  the  apologist  of  McFarland  and  his 
iniquities,  I  don't  covet  your  acquaintance,"  he  exclaimed 
with  much  emphasis.  I  apologized  for  having  inadvertently 
wounded  his  feelings,  and  quietly  withdrew  to  another  part 
of  the  hall.  In  the  course  of  the  evening,  we  met  again. 
Feeling  reluctant  that  he  should  have  an  erroneous  impres- 
sion respecting  my  conversation,  I  made  some  bland  remark 
about  the  festivity  of  the  evening.  Quite  reinstated  in  his 


22  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

good  humor,  he  replied  very  politely,  and  again  we  entered 
into  conversation.  I  asked  him  if  he  did  not  dance  on  these 
occasions.  "I  have  danced  sometimes,"  he  replied,  but  I 
shall  never  dance  in  these  halls  again.  I  cannot  dance — I 
am  thinking  of  my  lonely  young  wife — my  little  babes,  thus 
deprived  of  a  father's  protection,  I  am  all  but  dying  to  see 
them."  He  spoke  of  his  wife  with  the  deepest  tenderness ; 
said  she  was  ever  true  and  forever  kind  to  him ;  he  did  not 
at  all  blame  her  for  his  imprisonment,  but  severely  blamed 
those  who  had  been  her  advisors.  "No,"  he  repeated,  as  ho 
cast  a  rueful  look  again  upon  the  dancers,  "no,  no;  I  shall 
never  dance  in  these  halls  any  more." 

Soon  the  ball  was  ended,  I  bade  him  good  evening,  and  we 
parted.  One  week  later  another  ball  was  held  in  the  same 
hall,  to  which  again  a  few  of  the  patients  myself  included, 
were  invited.  I  looked  around  for  my  friend,  but  looked  in 
vain.  Upon  inquiring,  I  was  informed  that  Mr.  Wells  was 
very  sick.  His  prediction  proved  true  ;  he  had  indeed  danced 
his  last.  Grief  and  suffering  had  brought  on  a  disease,  which 
could  not  be  cured,  at  least  by  the  cold  ministrations  of 
careless  hirelings.  They  were  dancing.  He  was  dying! 


III. 

Seventh  Ward  Experiences. 

14  Full  many  a  gem  of  purest  ray  serene 
The  dark  unfathom'd  caves  of  ocean  bear  ; 
Full  many  a  flower  is  born  to  blush  unseen, 
And  waste  its  sweetness  in  the  desert  air." 

— GRAY'S  ELEGY. 

A  great  interest  was  elicited  by  the  patients  in  the  "Asy- 
lum," by  the  sudden  death  of  the  highly  respected  Mr.  "Wells, 
and  many  were  the  prayers  that  ascended  for  his  deeply  af- 
flicted family.  Much  sorrow  was  expressed  that  his  wife 
was  not  sent  for  when  he  so  much  wished  to  see  her.  Some 
thanked  God  that  our  fellow  sufferer  was  now  free  ; — where 


SEVENTH  WAED  EXPEBINECES.  23 

his  ears  would  not,  like  ours,  be  tortured  with  the  daily 
grating  of  locks  and  keys ;  others  wished  it  had  been  their 
lot,  instead  of  his,  to  die,  rather  than  longer  be  afflicted  with 
a  doom  worse  than  death — that  of  dying  by  inches.  Our 
friend  was  gone  ;  his  eloquent  voice  forever  hushed  on  earth! 

If  my  limits  allowed,  I  should  like  to  describe  many  of  the 
ladies  there,  but  this  is  impossible.  They  have  drawn  bright 
and  ever  enduring  pictures  upon  my  mind, — pictures  of  vir- 
tues rarely  equalled, — never  surpassed.  Such  industry,  such 
long  suffering  patience,  such  forgiveness  of  injuries — so  in- 
flexible a  regard  for  truth  and  honor  I  never  saw  outside 
that  Institution.  I  will  name  but  two  examples  in  this  hall, 
and  I  distinguish  these  from  the  rest,  on  account  of  their 
having  suffered  there  so  long. 

Mrs.  Maria  Chapman  was  a  lady  of  unparalleled  industry, 
and  great  refinement  and  dignity  of  character.  She  was  a 
pattern  of  neatness  and  good  order.  It  was  truly  refreshing 
to  visit  her  room,  of  which  she  took  the  whole  care.  Never 
unemployed  a  moment,  her  ever  busy  fingers  were  always 
engaged  with  book,  needle  or  pen.  She  commands  universal 
respect.  She  has  been  there  more  than  six  years.  I  wished 
to  know  why  this  estimable  and  highly  intelligent  lady  is  ex- 
cluded from  society.  I  asked  her  attendants  in  what  her 
insanity  consisted,  but  found  them  as  uninformed  as  myself 
upon  the  subject,  though  she  had  been  in  this  ward  all  the 
time.  I  believe  however  the  crime  for  which  she  has  lost 
her  sacred  liberty,  is  that  of  being  a  Swedenborgian  1  This 
I  presume  is  ranked  among  the  "popular  delusions"  to  which 
Dr.  McFarland  refers  in  his  most  edifying  "  Seventh  Bien- 
nial Report."  But  I  only  wish  the  sapient  Doctor  was  as 
popularly  deluded  as  she  is,  and  then  perhaps  he  might  fol- 
low some  of  her  good  examples  so  nobly  set  before  him  in 
her  lonely  captivity. 

Of  Mrs.  Minard,  of  St.  Charles,  I  could  give  a  descrip- 
tion  very  similar   to   that   of  the   amiable    Mrs.    Chapman. 
Mrs.  Minard  also  was  remarkable  for  her  never  ceasing  in 
dustry,  and  for  the  truly  elegant  appearance,  not  only  of  b 


24  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

room  and  person,  but  of  every  work  which  passed  through  her 
skillful  fingers.  She  did  much  sewing,  and  was  often  con- 
sulted in  matters  of  taste,  in  fine  needle  work,  by  her  attend- 
ants ;  both  of  whom  entertained  for  her  a  very  great  respect. 
She  has  been  absent  from  her  family  nine  years,  and  the 
crime  for  which  it  seems  she  ought  to  be  excluded  from  civ- 
ilized society,  and  confined  against  her  own  wishes  with  the 
State's  lunatics  is,  that  she  believes  in  the  ministry  of  angels, 
or  as  some  express  it,  Spiritualism  I 

If  all  Spiritualists  must  be  confined  in  •"  Lunatic  Asylums," 
we  shall  soon  want  Uncle  Sam  to  give  us  an  unlimited  quan- 
tity of  Government  land  upon  which  to  erect  them  I  Poor 
Mrs.  Minard !  my  heart  has  ached  for  that  lovely  woman 
many  times,  as  I  beheld  her  placid  countenance,  and  the 
premature  marks  of  age  upon  her  head,  which  grief,  not  years 
had  caused,  as  day  by  day  I  witnessed  her  cheerful  piety, 
her  long  suffering  patience,  and  exemplary  fortitude,  I  wished 
that  many  who  enjoy  all  the  blessings  of  which  she  is  so  un- 
justly deprived,  could  witness  the  same.  I  once  asked  her 
when  she  expected  to  go  to  the  home  of  which  she  had  often 
very  freely  spoken  to  me.  "When  the  right  Spiritual  gov- 
erns Dr.  McFarland,"  she  replied.  "But  you  seem  very 
cheerful  and  even  happy,"  I  once  ventured  to  say  to  her,  as 
by  her  permission  I  had  been  examining  her  house-plants 
which  she  tended  with  daily  care.  "No,"  replied  she,  "do 
not  imagine  it;  I  am  not  happy,  though  I  may  seem  cheer- 
ful. I  am  thinking  of  my  family  at  St.  Charles,  and  of  my 
long  separation  from  them.  I  have  about  concluded  I  shall 
never  be  permitted  to  go  home.  As  for  happiness,  while  in 
these  circumstances,  it  is  out  of  the  question."  Yet  she, 
— and  I  found  the  same  true  of  Mrs.  Chapman  and  several 
other  ladies — is  so  strictly  conscientious,  so  fastidiously  hon- 
orable, that  they  will  use  no  clandestine  measures  to  get 
away. 

They  are  wearing  out  their  precious  lives,  waiting  for  their 
doors  to  be  legally  opened — in  short,  as  some  of  them  express 
it,  waiting  for  "the  right  spirits  to  reign,"  and  when  "the 


SEVENTH  WARD  EXPERIENCES.  25 

right  spirits"  do  reign,  it  is  my  conviction  as  well  as  theirs, 
that  they  will  all  go  home  to  liberty  and  happiness.  Icha- 
bod,  will  then  be  inscribed  upon  the  abandoned  door  posts  of 
their  psuedo  "Asylum."  Oh  ignorance!  how  powerful  thou 
art !  how  canst  thou  persuade  the  friends  of  such,  earth's 
loveliest  spirits,  thus  to  cast  away  the  choicest  treasures 
of  their  own  homesteads? 

But  it  is  time  that  I  relate  how  I  came  to  leave  this  the 
best,  and  by  far  the  most  highly  privileged  of  all  the  wards 
in  the  Institution. 

I  had  become  very  unhappy  in  consequence  of  my  ever  in- 
creasing anxiety  about  my  husband.  He  had  told  me,  pre- 
vious to  my  leaving  him,  that  he  never  could  be  happy  till 
my  return.  I  had  as  yet,  received  but  one  letter  from  him, 
and  he  said  nothing  about  how  he  was  prospering  in  all  the 
details  of  our  home  life,  in  which  I  had  so  long  been  his  only 
companion.  In  his  letter  he  earnestly  exhorted  me  to  "put 
no  trust  in  man,"  (this  was  sensible,  for  how  can  a  wife  trust 
in  any  man,  when  her  own  husband  has  forfeited  her  trust?) 
but  to  "trust  in  God,"  and  "pray  daily  for  the  happy  mo 
ment  of  our  reunion."  But  that  "reunion"  was  indefinite- 
ly protracted,  and  with  no  visible  reason.  "What  was  I  now 
waiting  for?  To  "be  cured!"  Cured  of  what?  My  opin- 
ions, my  affections,  my  mental  proclivities  and  peculiarities 
were  without  exception,  the  same  as  they  had  been,,  allow- 
ance being  made  for  the  change  in  external  circumstances. 
My  executive  faculties  were  suffering  no  impediment,  save 
that  of  locks  and  keys,  to  their  healthy  normal  action.  All 
my  time  was  industriously  devoted  to  vigorous  employment 
of  some  kind,  except  when  confined  to  my  bed  by  illness. 

After  my  declining  to  assist  in  the  work-room  was  reported 
to  Mrs.  McFarland,  the  matron,  she  steadily  refused  to  let 
me  have  any  facilities  (except  a  small  quantity  of  yarn)  with 
which  to  work  for  myself.  Then  the  ladies  of  the  ward 
(patients  "jnsane"  of  course)  knowing  this,  gave  me  many 
little  pieces  of  their  own  garments,  also  needle  and  thread, 
with  which  to  busy  myself  for  amusement  as  I  thought  proper. 
2 


26  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

The  kind  and  amiable  Mrs.  Minard  was  the  first  in  these  acts 
of  kindness  and  sympathy.  With  these  remnants,  I  care- 
fully constructed  many  articles  for  my  own  and  my  husband's 
comfort.  Some  of  these  with  which  I  had  spent  much  labor, 
were  afterwards  taken  from  me  by  stealth,  and  others  by  force, 
by  the  wildly  insane  of  other  wards,  in  which  I  was  subsequent- 
ly confined.  But  I  still  retain  several  of  the  larger  and 
more  valuable  articles,  and  value  them  much,  reminding  me 
as  they  constantly  do,  of  the  love  and  sympathy  of  my  be- 
loved sisters  in  bonds.  These  pleasant  employments  were 
of  much  service  in  keeping  away  despondency. 

Time  passed  on,  and  I  could  in  this  ward  have  been  com- 
paratively contented  for  a  time,  if  my  letters  had  not  been 
intercepted,  and  if  I  could  have  slept  at  night.  The  Fifth 
and  Sixth  wards,  immediately  below  the  Seventh,  were  oc- 
cupied by  the  noisy  and  furious,  and  the  screaming  and  raving 
of  such  at  night  were  so  plainly  heard  from  the  open  win- 
dows, as  to  put  quiet  sleep  out  of  the  question. 

From  this  I  suffered  so  much  inconvenience,  that  at  last, 
I  mentioned  it  to  the  assistant,  Dr.  Tenny.  He  offered 
v-ery  kindly  to  make  a  change  of  the  patient  in  the  Sixth 
ward,  whose  room  was  directly  below  mine,  and  to  put  her 
in  another  part  of  the  hall,  and  a  quiet  person  in  her  place. 
Reflecting  a  moment,  I  sincerely  thanked  Dr.  Tenny,  for  his 
proposed  kindness,  but  decidedly  objected.  "There  may  be 
other  patients  in  that  hall,  even  more  feeble  than  myself. 
If  you  remove  the  noisy  one  who  keeps  me  awake,  nearer  to 
their  rooms,  she  may  be  liable  to  injure  them  in  the  same 
way.  Now  as  I  came  here  voluntarily,  I  ought  bravely  to  face 
the  effects  of  my  own  action,  and  with  your  permission,  will 
persevere  in  doing  it."  This  did  not  quite  satisfy  the  Doctor, 
who  urged  in  reply  the  duty  devolving  on  me  as  a  Christian 
to  take  the  best  possible  care  of  my  health,  thus  acting  in 
concert  with  the  best  arrangements  he  was  able  to  make  for 
my  comfort.  Dr.  Tenny  further  urged  that  since  this  ar- 
rangement was  proposed  by  himself  and  not  by  me,  if  it  did 
injure  the  other  patients,  the  fault  would  not  be  mine.  Bu< 


SEVENTH  WARD  EXPERINECES.  27 

I  could  not  feel  that  I  had  any  right  to  cause,  by  my  selfish 
complaints,  anything  to  be  done  that  could  possibly  injure 
those  sufferers,  who,  by  this  time,  I  could  not  help  thinking, 
were  sufficiently  injured  before.  The  Doctor  desisted,  and 
I  prevailed. 

In  a  few  days  however,  I  began  to  think  the  reasonings  of 
Dr.  Tenny  were  better  than  my  own.  I  had  become  so  much 
enfeebled  by  want  of  sleep,  that  my  health  sunk  rapidly. 
Violent  and  frequent  headaches  distressed  me  daily,  and,  as 
so  much  was  going  on  all  the  time  in  the  hall  among  so  many, 
I  could  neither  sleep,  except  a  very  little,  either  day  or 
night.  One  night,  after  about  three  hour's  sleep,  I  was 
awakened  by  a  violent  noise  below.  A  voice  directly  un- 
der my  open  window,  screamed  out  in  tones  of  thunder — 
"God  d — n  McFarland's  soul  to  hell!"  This  was  several 
times  repeated  with  terrific  emphasis,  with  many  similar 
expressions. 

The  day  after,  I  was  again  visited  by  my  friend  Dr.  Tenny. 
Observing  the  unusual  paleness  of  my  face,  he  kindly  in- 
quired for  its  cause.  I  told  him  with  much  reluctance,  that 
I  was  now  convinced  of  the  propriety  of  some  change,  but 
could  not  bear  to  increase  in  any  possible  way  the  sufferings 
of  the  other  patients.  I  wished  him  to  give  me  some  very 
powerful  soporific  to  compel  sleep  even  in  the  terrible  noise. 
He  declined  doing  this.  Then  he  called  and  consulted  one 
of  my  attendants ;  the  result  was  an  arrangement  for  me  to 
sleep  in  the  dormitory,  and  try  the  result  of  such  a  change. 
The  dormitory  was  small  but  had  several  beds  in  it.  But  as 
all  who  slept  there  were  perfectly  harmless  in  the  daytime, 
I  did  not  fear  being  locked  up  with  them  at  night.  I  retired, 
and  congratulated  myself  that  Dr.  Tenny's  plan  for  my  rest 
was  the  best  that  could  be  devised.  I  looked  upon  the  pale 
quiet  sleepers  around  me,  and  then  fearlessly  attempted  for 
the  first  time  in  my  life,  to  sleep  locked  up  in  a  room  with 
those  the  world  calls  "dangerous"  and  "unfit  for  society." 
But  I  had  made  a  mistake  in  supposing  rest  possible  there. 
In  the  middle  of  the  night,  one  of  the  patients  arose  from 


28  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

her  bed,  and  coming  to  mine  by  moon  light,  brandished  her 
arms  fiercely  over  my  head,  and  looking  very  fierce,  ex- 
claimed, "have  you  come  here  to  kill  me?"  at  the  same  time, 
she  seized  my  person,  firmly  holding  me  in  her  grasp,  as  if 
she  intended  to  kill  me.  Had  this  scene  occurred  in  the  day 
time,  I  should  have  had  no  fears;  but  being  locked  up  with 
her,  knowing  her  strength  and  my  own  weakness,  I  confess 
I  did  tremble  for  my  safety.  I  dared  not  resist,  nor  make  a 
noise,  knowing  she  would  be  only  the  more  dangerous,  if  she 
knew  I  was  afraid  of  her.  So  I  looked  steadily  and  calmly 
into  her  face  while  yet  in  her  grasp,  saying — in  reply  to  her 
question  if  I  intended  to  kill  her — "Oh  no,  not  at  all;  I  am 
not  going  to  harm  you;  just  look  at  me.  I  only  came  here 
to  sleep  to-night,  I  never  hurt  any  body,  and  you  don't  either, 
do  you?"'  This  somewhat  pacified  her;  she  withdrew  her 
grasp  from  my  person,  but  did  not  seem  inclined  to  return  to 
her  bed.  I  knew  not  what  to  do,  but  finally  told  her  I 
guessed  she  must  have  had  the  night-mare  or  she  would  not 
have  thought  any  harm  of  me — I  added,  uwe  had  better  go 
to  sleep."  This  was  intended  to  tranquilize  her,  but  I  knew 
my  danger  too  well  to  go  to  sleep,  and  remained  on  the  de- 
fensive till  the  door  was  unlocked,  and  much  to  my  relief 
came  the  light  of  day.  I  informed  the  attendant  of  this 
night's  experience,  and  Dr.  Tenny  never  again  proposed  that 
I  should  sleep  in  the  dormitory.  This  patient  was  soon  re- 
moved from  our  hall,  and  Dr.  Tenny,  of  whose  sincere  friend- 
ship for  me  I  was  now  more  than  ever  convinced,  removed 
from  below  me  the  noisy  patient. 

I  now  had  a  better  opportunity  to  sleep  than  before.  Yet 
as  day  by  day,  I  still  heard  nothing  from  my  friends,  my  nat- 
ural supposition  was  that  some  great  calamity  had  occurred 
to  them.  I  feared  the  worst,  and  did  not  restrain  the  ex- 
pression of  these  fears.  Nor  could  I  possibly  solve  the  mys- 
tery of  my  being  detained  under  such  circumstances,  I  wished 
to  know  how  my  supposed  insanity  manifested  itself  to  others; 
and  respectfully  questioned  both  my  attendants,  in  reference 
to  this  matter. 


SEVENTH  WARD  EXPERIENCES.  29 

To  the  credit  of  these  ladies,  I  will  say  that  they  both 
frankly  and  honestly  confessed  that,  as  yet,  they  had  seen 
nothing  in  my  appearance  indicating  insanity,  or  that  wa3 
not  both  ladylike  and  kind.  The  names  of  these  ladies  were, 
Miss  McElvie,  and  Miss  Johnston.  I  was  in  the  ward  with 
them,  in  all,  about  four  months,  and  I  never  found  any  fault 
with  them,  nor  they  with  me,  to  my  knowledge.  On  the  oc- 
casion I  now  refer  to,  these  ladies  added  to  the  testimony 
above  alluded  to,  that  I  had  always  complied  readily  with 
their  wishes,  and  given  them  no  trouble.  They  further 
added  that  the  business  of  deciding  the  sanity  of  the  patients 
did  not  belong  to  them,  and  therefore  politely  begged  of  me 
not  to  apply  to  them  for  any  information  or  assistance,  that 
from  their  position,  they  had  no  power  to  give  me.  I  felt 
grateful  for  so  polite  and  frank  an  avowal  of  their  feelings, 
and  resolved  more  than  ever,  to  treat  them,  as  I  had  ever 
done,  with  deferential  attention  to  their  wishes. 

I  wish  here  to  say  something  respecting  Mr.  Jones,  the 
Superintendent  of  the  farm.  The  same  honest  avowal  was 
made  by  that  gentleman,  as  by  these  attendants.  Mr.  Jones 
frequently  took  the  patients  to  ride,  when  they  were  per- 
mitted that  luxury.  He  was  always  present  at  the  balls, 
and  often  had  occasion  to  come  into  our  hall  on  errands.  It 
was  on  these  occasions  that  I  became  acquainted  with  him. 
He  seemed  to  be  much  respected,  indeed  a  general  favorite  in 
the  "Asylum."  Having  had,  on  the  occasions  I  have  named, 
many  interviews  and  brief  conversations  with  him,  I  once 
ventured  to  ask  him,  if  he  had  ever  seen  or  suspected  any 
insanity  in  me,  or  any  irregularity  or  impropriety  of  deport- 
ment. He  declared  unhesitatingly,  "No,  I  never  have, 
Mrs.  Olsen."  On  learning  from  me,  that  none  of  my  friends 
had  ever  visited  me,  he  expressed  his  conviction  that  if  they 
were  to  see  me  as  he  saw  me,  they  would  have  me  removed 
without  delay.  I  then  asked  him  if  he  should  feel  free  to  ex- 
press that  opinion,  if  he  knew  that  Dr.  McFarland  would 
know  it?  He  replied,  in  substance,  "I  am,  indeed,  in  the 
employ  of  Dr.  McFarland  as  an  overseer  of  the  "Asylum" 


30  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

farm,  but  I  never  sell  my  opinions  or  my  conscience,  either 
to  him,  or  to  any  body  else.  I  shall  always  respect  myself, 
by  freely  expressing  my  honest  convictions  on  all  occasions." 
I  exulted  in  the  nobleness  of  his  reply. 

Now  as  I  daily  saw  to  my  unspeakable  regret,  and  disap- 
poinment,  that  my  communications  were  entirely  intercepted 
from  the  outside  world ;  and  that  no  one  could  be  found,  who 
either  could  or  would  explain  to  me  why  this  was  done;  also 
when  my  garments,  one  after  another,  were  literally  robbed 
or  stolen  by  some  of  the  numerous  servants  through  whose 
hands  they  were  allowed  to  pass — and  that  my  health  was 
greatly  suffering,  and  moreover  when  I  saw  that  all  at- 
tempts I  made  by  respectful  remonstrance,  for  the  allevia- 
tion of  these  disagreeable  conditions,  were  not  of  the  least 
avail,  as  the  Doctor  often  would  not  take  the  least  notice  of 
what  I  said — when  a  certainty  of  these  things  was  forced 
upon  me,  Host  all  confidence  in  his -honor,  his  fidelity,  and  in 
his  word  I  From  that  time,  I  ceased  making  any  requests  of 
him,  as  himself  had  thus  taught  me  to  do.  He  saw  the  change 
in  my  deportment,  and  though  I  continued  coolly  civil,  when 
he  deigned  to  notice  me,  there  were  no  longer  on  my  counte- 
nance my  former  indications  of  confidence  in  himself.  He 
did  not  evidently  intend  to  be  "conquered  by  a  woman." 
And  I  may  add  that  this  redoubtable  M.  D.  was  not  "  con- 
quered by  a  woman,"  and  probably  never  will  be;  but  I  will 
venture  the  prediction  that  before  he  arrives  to  the  end  of 
his  race,  he  will  find  himself  both  conquered  and  sadly 
whipped, — not  by  a  woman,  nor  by  a  "  conspiracy  of  women," 
but  by  Dr.  Andrew  McParland  himself. 


A  STORM  APPROACHING.  81 

IY. 
A  storm  approaching. 

"The  combat  deepens!  on  ye  brave  1" 

All  this  time,  with  little  interruption,  I  had  reposed  confi- 
dence in  Dr.  Tenny.  I  was  glad  to  learn  that  he  was  from 
New  Hampshire,  since  this  fact  would  give  me  an  opportunity 
to  appeal  to  his  local  patriotism.  "We  had  something  in  com- 
mon to  remember,  to  venerate,  to  love,  and  about  which  we 
could  converse.  His  native  "Fatherland,"  its  magnificent 
mountains,  hills,  rivers  and  forests  were  also  my  own ;  mine 
too  that  wealth  of  thought  suggested  by  their  ever  present 
and  most  precious  memories. 

The  peculiar  educational  influences  of  a  New  England 
life — the  Sabbath  School — all  indeed  that  mark  the  experi- 
ence of  a  genuine  Yankee,  were  dearly  cherished  by  our 
memories  alike. 

I  learned  from  Dr.  Tenny  himself  that  I  was  the  only  pa- 
tient in  the  Asylum  from  New  Hampshire.  This  fact  also,  I 
thought,  would  indicate  to  him,  a  peculiar  reason  why>  in  ab- 
sence of  all  other  available  friends,  and  thus  sick  and  alone 
among  strangers,  he  should  be  my  especial  protector  and 
friend.  This  thought  I  once  ventured  to  express  to  him, 
telling  him  that  it  was  now  impossible  for  me  to  have  any 
confidence  in  the  Superintendent.  For  this  I  explained  the 
reasons  to  Dr.  Tenny.  I  then  procured  the  sacred  promise 
of  Dr.  Tenny  that  he  would  not  let  McFarland  know  I  had 
told  him  this.  I  added  "Dr.  Tenny,  in  view  of  all  these  facts 
I  do  most  earnestly  entreat  that  in  all  your  influences  over 
me  as  your  patient,  you  will  be  governed  by  your  own  con- 
science, and  not  by  that  of  the  Superintendent.  I  will  obey 
your  commands  in  all  things,  on  these  conditions." 

Dr.  Tenny  ended  this  conversation  by  giving  me  some 
very  good  suggestions  and  advice.  He  added,  "I  will  be 
your  father,  mother,  sister,  and  brother,  friend,  and  Doctor." 
I  thanked  him  with  the  deepest  sincerity  for  the  kind  words 


32  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

and  tones  thus  uttered,  and  added  "I  hope  I  may  prove 
worthy  of  your  brotherly  kindness  and  sympathy." 

I.  had  on  every  opportunity,  intensely  watched  the  deport- 
ment of  this  gentleman.  I  noticed  how  he  looked  upon  and 
spoke  to  every  patient,  and  also  how  they  spoke  of  him  in 
his  absence ;  in  short,  what  impression  his  conduct  was 
making  on  the  minds  over  whom  his  influence  and  his  power 
were  so  great. 

Continually  presenting  itself  to  my  mind,  was  the  great 
contrast  between  him  and  Dr.  McFarland.  This  contrast 
amused,  astonished  and  pleased  me.  I  was  daily  astonished, 
even  to  amazement,  that  so  good  a  man  as  I  thought  Doctor 
Tenny  to  be,  could  remain  in  the  employ,  and  subject  to  the 
orders  of  Dr.  McFarland.  I  had  never  known  Dr.  Tenny  to 
tell  falsehoods,  or  to  trifle  with  the  feelings  of  his  patients, 
but  found  that  he  possessed  almost  universally,  their  respect 
and  confidence.  Polite  and  urbane  in  deportment,  he  also 
appeared  to  feel  a  deep  sympathy  for  the  sufferings  around 
him.  To  the  complaints  and  requests  of  those  in  his  charge, 
he  lent  a  listening  ear,  when  not  driven  too  severely  by  the 
pressure  of  his  other  duties.  The  Superintendent  was 
often  absent  on  long  journeys,  and  there  was  no  one  else 
to  assist  Dr.  Tenny  in  visiting  the  numerous  body  of 
sufferers,  and  this  immense  amount  of  labor  was  quite  too 
much  for  one  person. 

Indeed  it  was  not  the  Superintendent,  but  his  assistant, 
so  far  as  I  was  ever  able  to  see,  that  ever  did  any  thing 
really  beneficial  for  the  patients.  "Dr.  Tenny  does  every- 
thing," "he  does  all  the  good  there  is  done  here,"  were  ex- 
pressions very  often  made  by  the  ladies  of  our  ward.  In- 
deed he  it  was  who  did  all  the  duties,  he  led  the  choir  at  the 
chapel,  and  did  many  other  duties.  I  noticed  that  whenever 
he  visited  the  hall,  every  eye  was  raised  with  respect,  and  it 
was  sometimes  amusing  to  see  how  the  patients  would  throng 
around  him  with  solicitations  and  requests  ;  frequently  so  ob- 
structing his  path,  that  he  could  hardly  get  out  of  the  hall. 
On  one  of  these  occasions,  one  of  the  patients  pleasantly 


A  STORM  APPROACHING.  33 

remarked.     "We  stall  take  you  prisoner  now,  if  you  don't 
take  care !" 

It  cannot  be  supposed  that  after  such  demonstrations,  I 
could  ever  be  an  unobservant  spectator  of  the  scenes  around 
me.  I  did  feel  a  sympathy  with  the  patients  now,  more  than 
ever,  and  as  hypocrisy  I  think  is  not  included  in  the  list  of 
my  faults, — could  not  forbear  expressing  that  spontaneous 
sympathy,  both  by  word  and  action. 

I  had  now  "  passed  the  Rubicon,  and  burned  the  bridge," 
and  consequently  felt  more  loudly  called  upon  than  ever  to 
find  out  all  the  wrongs  of  these  oppressed  ones  from  their 
own  lips,  and  my  own  silent  observation.  What  was  thus 
elicited,  I  noted  down  from  time  to  time  in  a  private  journal, 
and  this  book  is  the  result. 

My  powerful  enemy  by  this  time  had  discovered  that  I  was 
getting  too  intimate  with  some  of  the  ladies  who  loved  him  as 
little  as  myself.  Therefore,  as  in  other  wars,  a  prudent 
General  sees  it  expedient,  when  practicable,  to  divide  the 
enemy's  battalions,  in  order  to  weaken  their  strength,  so 
did  our  military  commander  now  deem  it  for  the  interest  of 
his  campaign  against  the  rights  of  psuedo  "lunatics"  to 
have  me  removed  from  this  to  a  far  less  privileged  and  very 
disagreeable  ward.  Indeed  it  was  now  my  doom  to  be  con- 
ducted to  the  maniac's  ward  !  the  abode  of  the  filthy,  the  sui- 
cidal, the  raving  and  the  furious  !  Dr.  Tenny  was  assigned 
to  do  this  ineffably  mean  business,  as  it  appeared  Dr.  McFar- 
land  could  not  look  in  my  face  and  do  it  himself,  after  the 
promises  he  had  made  to  my  brother  and  to  me  that  I  should 
be  protected  from  danger  and  taken  care  of.  No  complaint 
whatever,  as  I  afterwards  learned  by  my  attendants,  had  been 
brought  against  me,  and  every  one  in  the  hall,  both  attend- 
ants and  patients  knew  that  I  had  always  cheerfully  obeyed 
not  only  every  rule  of  the  hall,  but  every  wish  of  theattend- 
dants,  and  that  I  had  been  without  exception  exemplary  and 
kind  to  them  all. 

The  attendants  therefore  looked  much  surprised  when  they 
learned  that  I  was  to  leave  the  hall.      Dr.  Tenny,  in  an- 
2 


34  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

nouncing  his  errand  to  me,  used  the  blandest  words  possible. 
He  evidently  wished  he  had  not  been  assigned  so  unpleasant 
a  task.  But  why  then  did  you  do  this  Dr.  Tenny?  You 
knew  that  you  was  doing  wrong,  for  you  had  repeatedly 
promised  me  in  private  conversations,  that  so  far  as  you  had 
the  management  of  me,  you  would  be  governed  by  your  own 
conscience,  and  not  by  Dr.  McFarland's.  Now  I 
make  no  apology  for  saying  to  you,  Dr.  Tenny,  that  in  this 
action  you  was  not  governed  by  your  own  conscience  and  by 
the  Golden  Rule  of  Christ,  as  in  my  distress,  you  promised 
you  would  be ;  no,  your  conscience  never  told  you  to  add  to 
the  deep  sorrows  you  knew  that  I  was  then  suffering.  You 
never  felt  that  your  duty  to  God  impelled  you  to  take  me 
out  of  a  comfortable  hall,  and  put  me  into  one  where  you 
knew  that  my  feelings  would  be  deeply  lacerated  and  my 
feeble  health  still  more  enfeebled.  You  did  this  unjust  and 
wicked  action  be.cause  Dr.  McFarlaud  ordered  you  to  do  it, 
and  because  you  lacked  the  moral  courage  to  refuse  doing  an 
unjust  thing  at  the  risk  of  your  losing  your  place.  I  knew 
you  was  making  work  for  most  bitter  repentance,  when  the 
day  of  your  retribution  should  come,  and  that  God  would 
surely,  sooner  or  later  bring  Buffering  in  some  way  upon  you 
for  the  same. 

What  if,  instead  of  punishing  an  innocent  woman,  because 
your  employer  told  you  to  do  so, — you  had  stood  up  like  a 
man,  and  a  Christian,  and  said  to  him,  "Dr.  McParland,  I 
have  seen  nothing,  nor  have  I  reason  to  believe  there  is  any 
good  cause,  why  Mrs.  Olsen  should  be  assigned  to  the  maniac's 
ward.  She  has  done  nothing  to  my  knowledge  deserving 
punishment,  on  the  other  hand,  she  is  herself  a  great  sufferer; 
she  has  appealed  to  me  for  sympathy  and  protection  here,  far 
from  her  friends  and  among  strangers,  and  I  must  give  it,  as 
I  have  promised.  Doctor  I  cannot  obey  you,  I  cannot  add 
*o  the  afflictions  of  this  much  suffering  woman." 

Had  you  taken  this  noble,  this  Christian  stand  Dr.  Tenny, 
your  own  conscience  would  have  smiled  upon  you.  All  the 
good  would  have  approved  your  action,  and  you  would  for- 


A  STORM  APPROACHING.  85 

ever  after  have  been  a  happier  man.  What  if  the  Superin- 
tendent had  turned  you  out  of  your  place  for  refusing  obedi- 
ence to  an  unjust  mandate?  He  could  not  have  turned  you 
out  of  your  own  approbation.  He  could  not  have  excluded 
you  from  the  kingdom  of  heaven. 

I  have  hitherto  given  you  ample  credit  for  all  the  good 
that  I  saw  in  you,  but  I  must  also  be  just  to  truth,  and  though 
it  pains  me  much,  I  cannot  help  writing  as  I  think  justice  de- 
mands. But  I  forgave  you  Dr.  Tenny,  and  tried  to  think  you 
a  good  man,  though  a  weak  one,  even  after  this  sad  occur- 
rence. 

With  this  arrangement  I  complied,  without  resistance,  of 
course,  remembering  my  engagement  to  Dr.  McFarland,  that 
I  would  obey  all  the  rules  of  the  Asylum. 

I  obtained  permission  of  Dr.  Tenny,  to  bid  good  bye  to  all 
the  ladies  in  the  hall.  "You  know,"  I  remarked  to  him,  "that 
I  came  into  this  hall  like  a  lady,  (not  like  a  lunatic,)  and  in 
a  decent  lady-like  manner  I  also  wish  to  leave  the  hall. 
These  ladies  have  become  very  dear  to  me  by  the  sympathy 
and  kindness  they  have  invariably  shown,  and  it  pains  me 
much  to  leave  them.  Yet  I  submit  to  the  decree  of  the  Su- 
perintendent." 

On  my  approaching  them  one  by  one  to  bid  them  good-bye, 
they  looked  surprised  and  sad  as  they  saw  that  I,  who  had 
ever  been  peaceable  and  obedient,  was  now  ordered  to  this 
fearful  ward.  One  of  them  said  to  me,  by  way  of  consolation, 
"Well,  you  will  have  a  chance  to  get  acquainted  with  Mrs. 
Packard  there." 

Mrs.  Packard  !  that  dear  name  !  how  little  did  I  then  know 
its  import !  How  my  heart  throbs  even  now,  at  the  sweet, 
the  golden  memories  inseparably  blended  with  that  beloved 
name  !  This  lovely,  this  angelic  beingr — I  cannot  speak  or 
think  of  with  any  common  emotions,  nor  is  it  possible  for  mt; 
to  describe  her  with  any  ordinary  adjectives, — this  inestimable 
woman  has  proved  to  me  the  brightest  star  that  ever  shone 
around  my  dark  path  of  life,  since  my  lamented  mother  was 
laid  away  in  her  grave. 


36  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  must  no  longer  now  give  vent  to  the  spontaneous  gushings 
of  affection  and  gratitude  which  she  has  inspired  ;  for  it  would 
carry  me  off  in  a  tangent  from  my  proposed  attempt  to  give 
my  bird's  eye  view  of  the  horrible  ward  to  which  this  most 
lovely  of  her  sex,  in  common  with  myself,  was  assigned. 

I  will  now  introduce  the  reader  to  the  highest  part  of  the 
building,  the  Eighth  Ward. 

Escorted  by  Dr.  Tenny,  I  was  by  him  politely  introduced 
to  one  of  my  new  attendants, — Miss  Belle  Bailey.     She  im- 
pressed me  quite  favorably,  seeming  pleasant  and  kind.     In 
deed  I  will  do  her  the  justice  to  say  that  I  never  saw  her  ap- 
pear otherwise  to  any  one. 

The  next  person  who  drew  my  attention  was  one  of  the 
unmistakeably  insane,  Mrs.  McElhany.  She  instantly  ap- 
proached me,  seized  my  dress,  and  attempted  to  raise  it  very 
rapidly,  which  of  course  made  me  shrink  from  her.  I  was 
astonished  at  this  familiarity,  but  not  alarmed,  as  Dr.  Tenny 
sat  down  in  the  hall,  and  quietly  made  observations  before 
leaving  me. 

I  learned  subsequently,  that  this  most  unfortunate  woman 
was  the  oldest  patient  in  the  Asylum — I  mean,  had  been 
there  longer  than  any  one — eighteen  years — ever  since  the 
building  was  erected.  I  did  not  wonder  that  she  was  "an 
incurable"  maniac.  Yet  she  was  sometimes  quite  amiable, 
often  sensible  and  witty,  but  oftener  quite  the  reverse. 

She  had  been  taken  out  of  her  room  that  I  might  take  her 
former  place  in  it,  and  she  did  not  appear  to  like  the  arrange- 
ment. Probably  she  thought  me  an  intruder,  as  she  would 
every  day,  for  several  days,  walk  very  near  the  room,  and. 
casting  furious  glances  at  me,  would  rave  and  talk,  and  swear 
very  loudly.  What  annoyed  me  still  more,  was  that  she  was 
very  immodest  in  her  expression  and  gestures  ;  and  as  I  could 
neither  quell  nor  divert  her,  I  was  obliged  to  endure  the  in- 
fliction. 

In  this  hall  were  about  thirty  persons  of  various  degrees 
both  of  sanity  and  of  insanity.  Some  were  mild  and  peace- 
ful, others  furious  and  raving;  others  deeply  sad  and  silent 


A  STORM  APPROACHING.  37 

melancholies,  while  a  few  never  spoke  at  all,  or  did  any  work 
or  manifested  the  least  interest  in  any  thing.  Some  were 
sick,  but  were  all  mixed  up  with  the  well,  without  having  any- 
proper  attention  paid  to  their  wants.  Some  would  persist 
in  lying  in  bed  though  not  apparently  ill.  When  locked  out 
of  their  rooms  would  lie  upon  the  floor  in  the  hall.  Several 
were  occasionally,  exceedingly  loud  and  ferocious,  and  while 
in  this  condition,  it  was  unsafe  to  approach  them.  But  I 
never  feared  any  one  in  this  hall,  whatever  might  be  their 
condition ;  because  my  acquaintance  with  such  people  had 
already  taught  me  how  to  render  them  harmless. 

I  should  like  to  present  my  reader  with  the  deeply  inter- 
esting histories  of  all  these  afflicted  ones,  but  my  limits  for- 
bid. I  did  not  at  this  time,  remain  in  the  Eighth  ward,  quite 
three  weeks,  but  as  I  afterwards  returned  and  spent  nearly 
eight  months  there,  I  had,  at  the  second  time,  a  much  better 
opportunity  to  become  personally  acquainted.  Our  privileges 
here  were  far  more  limited  than  in  the  Seventh  ward.  Our 
evenings  were  all  spent  in  darkness,  except  when  the  moon 
gave  us  that  light,  denied  by  the  puny  civilization  of  "Lu- 
natic Asylums!" — as  we  were  all  locked  up  into  our  respective 
rooms  very  soon  after  supper.  We  had  our  choice  there,  to 
sit  up  alone  without  light  or  fire,  or  to  retire  to  our  often 
sleepless  beds,  as  we  chose.  These  rooms  were  compara- 
tively unfurnished.  A  bed,  with  its  indispensable  appendages 
was  all  the  furniture  allotted  to  mine  at  first,  but  after  a  few 
days  a  chair  was  brought  for  my  accommodation. 

No  books,  not  even  the  bible  were  allowed  here  by  the 
Superintendent,  but  the  attendants  sometimes  lent  me  books  of 
their  own,  under  restrictions.  Dr.  Tenny  however  gave  me 
a  privilege,  denied  to  all  the  rest — viz:  that  of  reading 
"  Gibbon's  Decline  of  the  Roman  Empire,"  a  work  I  had 
never  previously  read. 

I  did  not  feel  disposed  to  complain  of  the  deprivation  of 
those  privileges  afforded  by  the  Seventh  ward ;  I  saw  that 
the  opportunity  here  afforded  of  studying  a  larger  variety  of 
mind  would  more  than  compensate  the  loss  of  my  personal 


38  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

comforts.  This  being  early  in  October,  and  the  eveuinga 
long,  I  thought  it  better  for  my  health  not  to  retire  directly 
after  supper  as  did  many  of  the  rest ;  when  not  feeling  too 
ill,  I  preferred  to  sit  up  till  about  nine  or  ten  o'clock  before 
retiring.  This  I  presume  was  as  pleasant  to  me  as  it  would 
be  to  any  one  else  thus  to  be  banished  to  solitude  for  no 
crime  but  that  of  an  excessive  devotion  to  my  husband.  But 
it  would  be  folly  to  stop  and  complain  of  this. 

I  always  hated  idleness,  and  much  coveted  employment  in 
those  long  dark  evenings,  but  I  could  not  sew  in  darkness, 
and  as  Mrs.  Packard  had  given  me  some  nice  yarn,  I  often 
amused  myself  by  knitting.  But  darkness  by  no  means  im- 
plied silence  in  that  ward,  and  some  of  the  sounds  I  heard 
were  agreeable.  A  few  of  my  companions  were  pious,  and 
used  to  sing  in  the  darkness,  very  beautiful  hymns,  and  often 
my  ears  would  catch  some  very  fine  strains  of  poetry.  Quite 
frequently,  from  the  very  forgiving,  I  heard  prayers  for  their 
absent  friends  at  home.  These  prayers  from  these  persecuted 
victims  of  intolerance  often  brought  tears  to  my  eyes,  so  sub- 
limely did  they  demonstrate  the  power  of  the  Christian  faith 
to  give  hope  and  comfort,  when  external  circumstances  for- 
bade both.  But  it  was  oftener  the  case,  that  instead  of 
hearing  such  delightful  sounds,  my  ears  were  grated  by 
"jarrings  dire."  I  used  to  sit  up  for  hours  in  darkness,  to 
be  entertained  only  by  swearing,  cursing,  and  still  worse 
sounds  from  the  vicious,  in  this  ample  hall. 

On  such  occasions,  I  could  not  fail  to  think  of  my  friends 
at  home,  enjoying  in  social  circles,  the  blessings  of  fire,  light, 
companionship  and  liberty.  I  thought  of  my  self- desolated 
husband  too;  "how,"  queried  I,  "is  he  spending  his  even- 
ings? What  company  does  he  prefer  to  mine,  to  cheer  his 
loneliness?  Is  he  thinking  of  me,  as  I  of  him?" 

"  Do  they  miss  me  at  home,  do  they  miss  me  ?" 

I  once  heard  a  wife  exclaim  in  unreproachful  agony,  "hus- 
band, may  you  never  know  the  doom  of  sorrow  and  of  woe, 
you  have  assigned  to  me,  who  once  shared  your  pillow  !  " 


STORM  APPROACHING.  39 

Then  she  broke  out  into  sobbing  and  loud  weeping,  with 
which,  as  it  perfectly  coincided  with  my  own  feelings,  I  could 
not  help  sympathizing.  "We  wept  in  concert,  though  sepa- 
rated by  locks  and  keys.  Did  angels  guard  our  husbands  at 
home! — if  so,  what  kind  of  angels? 

One  day  I  asked  one  of  these  banished  ones,  whom  I  had 
often  heard  lamenting  the  loss  of  her  children,  how  many  she 
had.  "I  do  not  know,"  replied  she  sadly,  "two  years  ago,  I 
had  six  lovely  children.  Oh,  so  beautiful,  so  obedient,  so 
good  !  I  wish  you  could  see  them.  I  hear  nothing  from  them. 
I  feel  afraid  some  of  them  are  dead."  This  was  no  uncom- 
mon case  ;  many  there  have  not  been  allowed  to  hear  for 
many  months  from  any  of  their  friends,  and  the  agony  of 
mind  thus  caused,  is  not  to  be  described. 

I  repeat  with  emphasis,  this  neglect  or  refusal,  on  the  part 
of  the  friends  at  home,  increases  to  a  most  painful  degree, 
the  anxiety  and  suffering  of  their  banished  ones.  They  have 
affection,  as  well  as  outsiders ;  it  is  a  miserable  delusion  to 
assume  that  this  is  not  the  case. 

When  thus  neglected  year  after  year  as  many  are,  they 
often  come  to  the  conclusion  that  their  friends  are  dead,  or 
what  is  still  more  agonizing,  that  they  have  forgotten  or 
ceased  to  love  them — and  often  to  this  is  added  a  fear,  even 
yet  more  horrible — that  they  have  been  reported  as  "incura- 
ables,"  and  are  destined  to  drag  out  the  residue  of  their  lives, 
and  then  die  there !  When  this  last  conviction,  thus  legiti- 
mately produced,  takes  possession  of  their  minds,  it  rapidly 
accelerates  the  very  condition  they  so  much  dread.  Hope 
by  degrees  forsakes  them ;  they  no  longer  make  efforts  for 
their  own  preservation  a  dreadful  languor  ensues,  inducing 
irrecoverable  prostration  and  exhaustion,  till  death  at  last 
ends  the  sad  drama !  I  have  not  the  least  doubt  that  this  is 
a  prominent  cause  of  so  many  deaths  occurring  there. 

I  wish  here  to  mention  that  the  deaths  are  kept  secret  as 
possible.  The  body  is  carried  away  in  the  night,  with  no 
funeral,  and  either  sent  home  or  buried  in  the  "Asylum"' 
cemetery.  In  one  of  my  walks,  I  counted  eighty-seven 


10  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Craves  in  that  little  enclosure,  which,  on  inquiry,  I  found 
iad  all  been  dug  in  less  than  four  years, — though  I  had  rea- 
son to  believe  that  the  great  majority  of  those  who  die  are 
lot  buried  there,  but  conveyed  to  their  former  homes,  in 
iheir  coffins.  How  great  the  number  of  those  who  go  there 
:o  find  their  "cure"  in  death,  is  more  I  imagine  than  is  for 
;he  interest  of  Dr.  McFarland  to  make  public. 

Then  hurry  on  some  cheap  shroud — hustle  them  into  a 
;heap  coffin — don't  stop  for  a  funeral — where  are  the  mourn- 
;rs?  Take  them  from  their  cells  to  the  dead-room — step  quickly 
sut  carefully — make  no  noise — go  out  in  twilight  when  no 
>ne  sees;  throw  up  the  turf  with  hasty  spade — and  then  by  the 
irembling  moonbeams  aid,  or  "  the  lantern  dimly  burning" 
jury  them  darkly  at  dead  of  night !"  No  minister — no  weep- 
.ng — no  matter,  they  are  insane! 

"  Rattle  their  bones  over  the  stones, 
They  are  lunatics  that  no  one  but '  Jesus  ownsl'  " 


V. 
Dangerous  experiments. 

"  Whoever  injures  a  man, 
Binds  all  men  to  resistance." — Dr. 

One  day  I  saw  a  woman  in  a  room  adjacent  to  my  own,  who 
was  a  melancholic,  sitting  on  the  bare  floor,  sewing  for  the 
'  workroom,"  and  looking  extremly  dejected  and  hopeless. 
[  spoke  to  her,  in  the  way  I  usually  did  to  such,  and  coming 
juite  near  her,  discovered  that  she  had  only  one  garment  on. 
[t  was  a  very  clean  pink  calico  dress,  and  her  naked  feet 
were  drawn  up  under  her  body,  closely  as  possible,  trying  to 
2jet  a  little  warmth.  It  was  late  in  the  season,  and  tho 
weather  cold  and  damp.  I  asked  her  why  she  did  not  wear 
suitable  clothing.  She  replied,  with  great  meekness,  "they 
3o  not  give  it  to  me,  and  I  don't  know  as  I  ought  to  ask  for 
it."  I  then  asked  her,  why  she  sat  on  the  cold  floor,  being 


DANGEROUS   EXPERIMENTS.  41 

painted  and  uncarpeted,  I  thought  it  unsuitable  for  one  so 
pale  and  sickly  as  herself.  She  replied,  raising  her  eyes  a 
little,  but  still  sewing.  "I  haven't  got  any  chair." 

I  stepped  into  my  own  room,  and  brought  my  chair,  offering 
to  lend  it.  She  objected,  not  wishing  "to  rob"  me.  "Oh, 
as  to  robbery,"  I  replied,  "I  have  no  robbery  to  complain  of; 
I  am  excused  from  working  for  the  Institution,  while  it  seems 
that  you  are  not.  I  am  better  clothed,  and  don't  need  a 
chair  so  much  as  you  do,  for  when  I  wish  to  sew  or  write, 
I  can  sit  upon  my  bed."  With  evident  reluctance,  she  at 
last  accepted  the  loan  of  my  chair.  "Now  you  are  not  a  cat, 
but  a  woman,"  said  I,  "sit  up  in  a  chair  then,  like  a  woman, 
and  I  will  try  to  have  them  get  your  clothing  for  you." 

This  lady  Mrs.  Gleason,  of  Chicago,  was  one  of  those 
extremely  humble  ones,  who  will  give  up  their  rights,  be- 
cause they  feel  unworthy  to  enjoy  them.  On  looking  at  her 
head,  I  discovered  a  very  obvious  necessity  for  a  comb. 

"Why  dont  you  comb  your  head?  I  think  it  might  be 
useful." 

"  Do  you  think  it  is  right  to  kill  any  thing  that  lives?" 
faintly  interrogated  this  almost  crushed-to-death  victim. 

"I  think,"  replied  I,  "that  if  my  head  had  become  a  pas- 
ture for  such  animals,  I  should  kill  them,  soon  as  possible, 
without  stopping  to  discuss  the  moral  considerations."  I 
said  this  with  such  a  peculiar  air  and  tone,  that,  in  spite  of 
herself,  she  actually  stopped  sewing,  looked  up  from  her 
work  and  half  laughed.  "Reason  is  not  quite  dead  here, 
but  it  is  evidently  a  good  deal  sick!"  was  my  reflection. 

I  reported  her  condition  to  her  attendants,  but  had  reason 
to  repent  having  done  so,  as  I  was  told  it  was  "no  business" 
of  mine.  I  replied  that,  "  it  did  not  appear  to  be  the  business 
of  any  one  to  take  care  of  Mrs.  Gleason,  as  no  one  attended 
to  her  except  to  set  her  to  work,  and  I  never  could  see  the 
defenceless  suffer,  without  trying  to  defend  them." 

One  day  I  walked  out,  and  by  especial  liberty,  plucked  a 
few  flowers  to  carry  to  my  room.  On  passing  a  window  of 
the  gentleman's  "lower  ward,"  I  saw  a  pale  gray-haired  aged 


42  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

man,  stretching  out  his  thin  hand,  between  his  iron  grates  to 
me.  ."How  do  you  do  ma'am?"  said  he,  very  respectfully, 
but  in  a  weak  and  rather  tremulous  voice.  "You  have 
been  getting  flowers;  Oh,  how  beautiful  they  do  look  I" 

"Yes  father,  do  you  never  go  out  in  the  fresh  air  and  get 
flowers!" 

"No,"  he  replied  sadly. 

What  kind  of  a  conscience,  queried  I,  has  he  who  thus 
can  deprive  an  aged  afflicted  man  from  God's  free  gifts  of  air 
and  the  unbarred  light  of  heaven?  One  too,  whose  "tedious 
days  and  nights  of  grief,"  are  to  be  spent,  like  those  of  a 
criminal,  within  bolts  and  bars  and  prison  walls?  But  no 
thought  of  this  kind  was  expressed  by  me  to  him,  but  I  cheer- 
fully gave  him  all  my  flowers.  His  look  of  joy  and  surprise, 
as  tears  glistened  in  his  aged  eyes,  I  shall  never  forget!  His 
fervent  ejaculation,  "God  bless  you!"  was  answered  on 
the  spot;  for  I  was  more  happy  thus  to  afford  one  gleam  of 
joy  to  the  lonely  heart  of  this  pale  sufferer,  than  if  a  shower 
of  golden  coins  had  fallen  on  my  path  for  my  possession. 

But  again  I  had  transgressed;  again  had  been  minding, 
I  cannot  say  other  people's  since  it  was  not  other  people's 
business ;  had  it  been  so,  I  should  not  have  made  it  mine. 

Leaving  my  aged  friend  in  rapture  over  his  flowers,  I  hur- 
ried back  to  my  hall.  But  I  could  not  smother  the  boiling 
indignation  with  which  I  thought  over  this  scene.  I  soon 
saw  our  protectress  Mrs.  Packard,  at  tea,  and  told  her  all 
about  it.  She  said  little,  but  from  her  intelligent  eyes,  I  in- 
ferred that  she  thought  I  had  gone  too  far  for  my  own  safety, 
in  my  demonstrations  of  sympathy  for  others.  She  was  right; 
she  knew  better  than  I  did,  how  far  it  would  do  to  provoke 
our  Superintendent  by  showing  mercy  to  his  suffering  vic- 
tims. 

My  health  declined  more  rapidly  here,  than  in  the  Seventh 
ward.  It  was  impossible  to  have  any  refreshing  sleep  in  the 
midst  of  so  much  noise,  and  in  the  sight  of  so  much  misery. 
My  anxiety  also  increased  to  agony,  as  now  a  long  time  had 
elapsed  since  I  had  heard  from  homo.  I  entreated  Mrs.  Me- 


BBEAKEES    AHEAD.  43 

Farland  with  tears  of  anguish. — in  the  name  of  all  that  was 
sacred  in  human  affections — to  intercede  with  her  husband, 
to  restrict  his  severity,  and  let  me  send  one  letter  at  least, 
to  mine.  She  cooly  turned  to  one  of  the  attendants  and  re- 
marked— "If  Mrs.  Olsen  gets  troublesome,  I  think  she  will 
have  to  go  down." 

"  Great  God!  what  did  I  hear?  Is  it  possible  that  a  wo- 
man can  thus  treat  my  reasonable  anxiety;  has  she  no  sym- 
pathy for  my  distress  of  mind?  Will  she  punish  me  for  the 
spontaneous  expression  of  this  suffering,  by  putting  me  down 
still  lower  in  these  gradations  of  torture?  Can  she  think  I 
do  not  suffer  sufficiently  in  the  maniac's  ward? 

The  expression  "going  down,"  here  means  something  well 
understood  by  negro  slaves  a  few  years  since,  who  were  sent 
"down  South  to  Georgia." 

Mrs.  McFarland  after  this  inhuman  response  to  my  en- 
treaties, very  suddenly  rose  and  walked  to  the  door.  Before 
she  had  time  to  unlock  it,  I  had  quietly  followed  her,  for  see- 
ing her  still  unrelenting,!  could  not  restrain  my  weeping;  it 
burst  out  in  spite  of  myself.  I  promised  the  most  perfect 
obedience  to  her  own  and  the  Doctor's  slightest  request  of 
me  so  long  as  I  remained,  if  she  would  persuade  him  to  let 
me  send  just  one  letter  home.  I  told  her  they  might  both 
read  my  letter,  and  they  should  see  that  I  would  not  find 
fault  or  reproach  them,  &c.  But  she  deigned  no  more  re- 
plies, but  pushed  through  the  door  slamming  it  heavily  into 
my  face,  I  sank  powerless  on  the  floor,  in  unutterable,  silent, 
intense  agony. 

VI. 
Breakers  Ahead. 

"  But  where's  the  passage  to  the  skies  ? 
The  road  through  death's  black  valley  lies." 

In  all  my  bitter  experience  at  the  Asylum,  I  never 
thought  myself  excused  from  duty.  Though  by  a  most 


44  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

calamitous  series  of  misfortunes,  cut  off  from  the  exercise 
of  my  social  duties  at  home,  and  deprived  of  all  society  that 
had  power  to  remove  or  abate  my  sufferings,  yet  I  could  not 
but  see,  all  around  me,  the  most  irresistible  calls  for  my 
sympathy  and  assistance.  I  could  not  sit  idly  dreaming, 
while  so  many  were  crying,  with  tearful  eyes,  "Oh,  can  not 
you  do  something  for  me?"  I  could  not  but  respond  to  such 
thrilling  calls,  wi'.hout  ignoring  every  obligation  which 
allied  me  to  humanity.  Here,  indeed,  was  an  open  field; 
an  opportunity  I  had  long  coveted,  of  trying  to  do  good. 

I  now  proceed  to  relate  how  I  came  to  be  again  degraded; 
or  in  other  words,  "put  down." 

One  afternoon,  as  Mrs.  Packard  was  returning  to  her  own 
hall  in  the  same  ward,  I  followed  her  in  the  public  entry,  a 
step  or  two,  wishing  to  speak  to  her.  I  had  not  the  slightest 
idea  of  giving  offence  to  any  one,  or  overstepping  the  bounds 
of  my  liberty.  All  of  a  sudden,  Miss  Mary  Bailey,  one  of 
my  attendants,  came  to  me,  and  violently  catching  hold  of 
my  dress,  dragged  me  away  from  Mrs.  Packard.  In  utter 
astonishment,  I  asked  Miss  Bailey  why  she  did  this. 

"You  needn't  speak  to  Mrs.  Packard." 

"But  I  was  saying  no  harm  whatever;  and  as  the  rest  all 
speak  to  her,  I  supposed  I  had  equal  privileges.  Why  is 
this  distinction  made?" 

She  gave  me  no  explanation  whatever,  but  used  insulting 
and  abusive  language,  and  on  several  occasions  after  this, 
dragged  me  about  from  room  to  room,  as  though  I  were  a  bag 
of  potatoes,  or  some  other  commodity  of  mercenary  specula- 
tion. Indeed  I  think  I  was  a  commodity  of  mercenary 
speculation. 

Soon  after  this,  there  was  a  ball  announced.  I  had 
always  been  allowed  to  attend  the  balls — indeed,  freely 
invited ;  and  not  to  my  knowledge,  had  the  Superintendent 
ever  given  orders  to  the  contrary.  I  was  not  a  dancer,  but 
was  very  fond  of  attending  those  balls,  because  they  afforded 
an  opportunity  to  see  much  pleasant  company  from  all  the 
wards,  and  gave  us  a  temporary  diversion  from  our  scenes  of 


BREAKERS   AHEAD.  45 

strife  and  misery.  But  on  this  occasion,  Miss  Bailey  ordered 
me  to  "go  to  bed,"  while  some  of  the  ladies  -were  engaged 
in  preparing  to  go  to  the  ball.  I,  of  course,  demurred  ;  she 
caught  me  with  fierce  violence,  dragged  me  to  my  room,  and 
locked  the  door.  I  was  astonished,  for  I  had  always  treated 
her  well,  and  with  the  kindest  deference  to  her  wishes.  Her 
sister  had  never  treated  me  ill,  and  I  could  not  imagine  why 
she  should.  I  reflected  a  moment;  then  feeling  that  I  could 
not  endure  such  injustice,  I  said  to  her,  in  a  pretty  decided 
tone,  through  my  lock  and  key: 

''Mary  Bailey,  you  know  I  have  always  been  peaceable 
and  kind  to  every  one  in  the  hall,  both  patients  and  attend- 
ants. I  have  daily  assisted  you  in  your  duties  gratuitously. 
I  have  taken  the  whole  care  of  myself  and  of  my  room,  and, 
even  more  than  I  have  been  able,  have  assisted  others  in 
their  toils,  and  you  are  paid  for  the  same.  I  have  never 
been  either  disrespectful  or  unkind  to  any  one,  but  always 
the  reverse,  as  you  well  know.  But  you  are  daily  abusing 
me,  and  treating  me  in  a  heartless  manner.  You  have  even 
torn  my  clothing,  and  I  shall  never  mend  it  till  I  have  shown 
it  to  Dr.  Tenny,  or  to  some  of  the  State  authorities.  And 
now  you  are  presuming  to  deprive  me  of  privileges  that  I 
have  always  been  allowed,  and  have  never  forfeited.  Mary, 
I  have  borne  your  insolence  till  I  can  bear  it  no  longer,  and 
I  am  resolved  to  expose  you;  if  within  three  days  you  do  not 
apologise  for  this  abuse,  and  atone  for  it  by  better  conduct, 
I  will  make  public  the  abuse  you  have  shown  to  me." 

Miss  Bailey  did  not  make  any  reply,  though  I  had  undoubt- 
edly made  myself  heard.  This  was  my  first  collision  with 
an  attendant.  The  next  day  I  atoned  for  the  speech  I  had 
made.  She  had  reported  me  to  Dr.  McFarland,  as  an  "un- 
manageable, mischief-making  patient."  On  the  strength  of 
this  edifying  intelligence  to  that  dignitary,  he,  without  at 
all  examining  the  matter,  ordered  Dr.  Tenny  to  put  me 
down  into  the  lowest  prison,  or  Fifth  ward  ! 

I  had  previously  expressed  a  wish  to  Mrs.  McFarland,  to 
go  and  visit  that  ward,  in  order  to  become  acquainted  with 


46  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

its  management.  Her  reply  was  very  remarkable,  and  for  a 
very  especial  reason,  I  wish  the  reader  to  remember  and 
mark  it. 

"The  Fifth  ward,"  said  she,  "is  very  well  managed.  "We 
have  only  females  to  take  charge  of  the  patients.  They  are 
very  good  girls,  and  take  good  care  of  them." 

How  these  "very  good  girls"  took  care  of  their  responsi- 
bilities, will  appear  in  my  next  chapter. 


VII. 
The  Fifth  Ward. 

'•  Hail  horrors !  hail 'infernal  world  1" 

If  the  inhabitants  of  the  Twentieth  century  should  ever 
have  the  real  condition  of  this  terrible  prison  described  as  it 
now  exists,  and  be  informed  of  the  purposes  to  which  it  is  ap- 
plied, they  will  not  only  see  the  perfect  propriety  of  my 
quotation  at  the  head  of  this  chapter,  but  will  regard  this 
prison  with  the  same  feelings  as  we  now  do  the  Spanish  In- 
quisition and  its  abettors  and  apologists. 

As,  under  the  guidance  of  the  ill-fated  Dr.  Tenny,  I  de- 
scended the  three  long  nights  of  stairs  leading  to  this  charnel 
house  of  human  woe,  I  felt  a  dizzy  heart-sickness  which  al- 
most deprived  me  of  the  power  of  articulation.  Was  it  a 
prescience  of  those  " coming  events,"  which  "cast  their 
shadows  before,"  that  affected  me  thus?  I  could  not  tell, 
but  was  only  conscious  of  a  faintness  and  weakness  which 
nearly  deprived  me  of  the  power  of  locomotion.  I  asked  Dr. 
Tenny  to  give  me  a  formal  introduction  to  the  attendant, 
having  never  seen  her.  He  complied,  and  though  her  counte- 
nance had  an  expression  of  stern  repulsiveness,  I  determined, 
if  there  was  any  goodness  in  her,  to  find  it  out.  I  would,  by 
the  patience  and  assiduous  kindness  of  my  own  deportment, 
awaken  and  develop  all  of  goodness  and  humanity  that 


THE  FIFTH  WARD.  47 

might  possibly  be  found  smouldering  beneath  the  icy  surface 
of  her  heart. 

Perceiving  that  she  was  Irish,  I  remarked  "  Oh,  you  are  an 
Irish  lady ;  I  love  the  Irish  dearly ;  many  of  them  have 
shown  me  much  kindness.  I  know  your  people  are  kind- 
hearted.  "Well,  you  may  be  sure  that  I  shall  give  you  no 
trouble.  I  always  obey  the  rules,  and  try  to  help  my  attend- 
ants ;  indeed,  Miss  Bonner,  I  think  you  must  have  much 
work  to  do  here,  with  so  many  to  take  care  of,  and  perhaps 
I  may  be  able  to  assist  you  some  in  your  labor." 

I  thus  attempted  to  conciliate,  and  enlist  her  kind  feelings. 
But  slander  and  hatred  had  taken  fearfully  the  start  of  me. 
She  replied,  as  I  had  said  I  should  give  her  no  trouble,  "In- 
deed yee'd  better  not  make  me  any  trouble,  it  won't  be  well 
fur  ye  if  ye  do." 

I  confess  I  was  "taken  back  a  few  miles  1" 

She  continued,  "yee's  no  better'n  the  rest  on  em;  yee'r 
all  jist  alike  here,  un  ye  needn't  ixpict  iny  better  treat- 
ment un  the  rest  on  um  git.  Now  ye  jist  set  down  (pointing 
to  a  hard  stationary  bench)  un  mind  yer  business.  Yer  the 
wust  un  the  crazyest  on  em  all  in  the  hull  Institution ;  yees 
a  nuisance." 

After  this  most  amiable  delivery,  she  stopped  to  take 
breath,  and  fearing  she  might  again  start  on  a  fresh  "heat," 
I  immediately  obeyed  her,  by  sitting  down  in  silence  on  the 
bench  she  had  assigned  me.  I  began  to  doubt  my  power 
over  the  insane.  Here  indeed  I  saw  "the  insane  "  without 
mistake,  but  I  then  thought,  and  never  afterwards  changed 
my  opinion,  that  Lizzy  Bonner  was  more  insane  than 
any  one  in  her  care  !  I  did  not  fear  them,  with  all  their 
fury ;  but  I  confess  I  did  fear  her,  with  her  much  wilder  fury  ! 
I  had  always  some  expedient  by  which  I  could  easily  disarm 
her  very  wildest  maniacs,  but  I  never  could  disarm  or  tame 
their  far  more  ferocious  keeper  ? 

Beside  me,  sitting,  or  rather  crouching  on  the  same  bench,' 
were  a  few  silent  and  very  filthy  women,  with  their  one  gar- 
ment indecently  torn,  and  a  puddle  of  unfragrant  water  on 


4:8  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  floor  under  their  feet.     Some,  in  more  remote  parts  of 
the  hall,  were  screaming  fearfully,  at  which  I  did  not  wonder. 
If  I  had  been  a  screamer,  or  at  all  nervous,  I  should  doubt 
less  have  swelled  the  concert,  so  full  was  this  pandemonium 
of  every  imaginable  horror  1 

The  faces  of  many  were  frightfully  blackened  by  blows, 
received,  partly  from  each  other  in  their  internecine  conflicts, 
but  mostly,  I  subsequently  discovered  by  their  attendants  ! 
One  very  fat  old  woman  who  could  not  speak  in  English,  was 
sitting  on  the  floor  with  a  perfectly  idiotic  expression  upon 
her  face.  One  pale  girl  sat  weeping  bitterly,  and  shivering 
upon  a  bench  with  very  thin  clothing.  Several  were  silent 
and  appeared  to  take  no  notice  of  anything.  These  were 
melancholies  in  nearly  the  last  stages  of  despair.  One,  in 
quite  the  last  stage,  as  I  inferred,  was  tied  to  her  hard  bench 
with  her  arms  and  chest  tightly  confined  by  a  straight  jacket, 
and  attempting  to  commit  suicide  by  fiercely  beating  her 
head  back  against  the  wall.  The  sight  of  this  poor  young 
female,  in  her  frantic  attempts  to  rush  from  an  obvious  hell 
into  the  untried  scenes  of  an  undiscovered  future,  was  too 
appalling  for  me  to  gaze  upon.  I  turned  away  my  eyes  with 
a  sick  horror,  but  still  heard  her  pounding  her  bruised  head. 

No  one  here  was  working,  for  all  capable  of  being  made  to 
work,  were  at  this  time  engaged  in  some  of  the  numerous 
toiling  departments  of  the  establishment.  Some  were  lying 
on  the  floor,  exhibiting  the  most  indescribably  indecent  ap- 
pearances. 

The  windows  were  all  open ;  I  was  shivering  with  cold, 
being  at  this  time,  in  the  incipient  stages  of  fever  and  ague. 
This  disease  was  probably  acquired  by  inhaling  the  "me 
phitic  exhalations"  of  the  Eighth  ward.  I  drew  my  woolen 
shawl  closely  about  my  person,  covering  my  head  and  eyes, 
from  these  terrific  sights  and  sounds,  and  sat  in  dumb  amaze- 
ment. Is  this,  I  silently  ejaculated,  the  destiny  to  which 
,1  am  doomed  for  an  indefinite  period  ?  Oh,  the  insufferable 
anguish  of  those  moments  of  horror  !  Language  cannot  por- 
tray it;  it  is  utterly  powerless.  Every  faculty  of  mind  was 


THE  FIFTH  WAKD.  49 

intensified  to  the  utmost,  in  those  few  moments  of  dumb  tear- 
less agony.  It  seemed  as  if  my  palsied  heart  must  cease  its 
beating.  The  past,  the  present,  and  the  future  all  appeared 
in  startling  imagery  before  my  spirit's  eagle  gaze,  and  the 
burning  lines  of  Byron  rose  up  uncalled,  before  my  contem- 
olation. 

"  Feel  I  not  wroth  with  those  who  placed  me  here 

In  this  vast  1  azar  house  of  many  woes? 

"Where  laughter  is  not  mirth,  nor  thought  the  mind, 

Nor  words  a  language,  nor  ev'n  men  mankind: 

Where  cries  reply  to  curses,  shrieks  to  blows, 

And  each  is  tortured  in  his  separate  hall — 

For  we  are  crowded  in  our  solitudes — 

Many,  but  each  divided  by  a  wall, 

"Which  echoes  Madness  in  her  babbling  moods ; — 

"While  all  can  hear,  none  heed  his  neighbor's  call — 

None,  save  that  one,  the  veriest  wretch  of  all, 

Who  was  not  made  to  be  the  mate  of  these. 

Feel  I  not  wroth  with  those  who  placed  me  here  ? 

Who  have  debased  me  in  the  minds  of  men, 

Debarring  me  the  usage  of  my  own, 

Blighting  my  life  in  best  of  its  career, 

Branding  my  thoughts  as  things  to  shun  and  fear  ? 

Would  I  not  pay  them  back  these  pangs  again, 

And  teach  them  inward  sorrow's  stifled  groan  ? 

The  struggle  to  be  calm  ?" 

— "Lament  of  Tasso"  by  BYRON. 

Yes  I  did  "struggle  to  be  calm,"  and  succeeded,  in  out- 
side appearance,  but  "the  iron  entered  into  my  soul,"  and 
still  remains  there.  Oh,  Mary  Bailey  !  Dr.  McFarland  ! 
If  there  is  a  just  God,  be  sure  that  before  you  die,  there  is 
retributive  sorrow  in  store  for  you,  for  the  infliction  of  this  un- 
provoked abuse  upon  one  who  never  even  attempted  to  injure 
you  !  Is  it  thus,  proceeded  my  torturing  queries,  that  I 
am  rewarded,  for  having  on  all  occasions  here  been  the  pro- 
moter of  good  order,  of  truth,  and  of  peace — for  having  so 
often  restrained  the  fury  of  the  unmanageable,  supported  the 
weak,  and  tried  at  least  to  "comfort  the  mourner?"  Is  this 
3 


50  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

the  way  in  which  the  Superintendent  of  this  "Asylum"  ful- 
fils his  promises?  If,  as  alleged,  I  am  a  victim  of  insanity, 
is  this  the  way  to  cure  it  ?  No,  no ;  and  a  thought  of  agony, 
such  as  words  can  never  describe,  shot  like  burning  electricity 
through  my  paralyzed  frame,  "no,  this  is  the  way  to  make 
people  insane,  this  is  the  way  my  tormentor  has  planned  to 
make  me  insane." 

At  this  crisis  of  advancing  despair,  hope  suddenly  came, 
and  the  inflexibly  just  poetry  of  Lord  Byron  was  superseded 
by  an  extract  of  one  of  a  more  forgiving  and  tranquilizing 
tone — 

"  Let  not  despair  nor  fell  revenge, 
Be  to  thy  bosom  known ; 
Oh,  give  me  tears  for  other's  woes, 
And  patience  for  my  own." 

Here  indeed  were  plenty  of  "  others'  woes,"  and  plenty 
of  "tears'1  in  reserve  for  me  to  shed  over  them!  "Fear 
not,"  again  whispered  a  sweet,  secret  voice,  "when  thou 
passest  through  the  waters,  they  shall  not  overflow  thee." 
"Yes,  I  will  trust  in  God,  there  is  now  no  one  else  to  trust. 
Even  Dr.  Tenny  has  deserted  me,  I  am  indeed  abandoned 
by  every  one  on  earth.  But  I  will  not  sink,  I  will  not  die 
here;  I  will  by  virtue  of  the  sublime  omnipotence  of  will,  con- 
quer my  enemies  and  retain  my  sanity,  and  self-possession 
too  !  Galileo  did  not  die  in  his  prison  ;  he  said  of  the 
world  "it  still  moves,"  and  I  know  the  world  moves,  and 
will  yet  move  me  to  a  better  destiny.  I  cherished  these  con- 
soling suggestions,  ascribing  them  to  him,  from  whom  cometh 
"every  good  and  every  perfect  gift." 

But  these  pleasing  and  joyous  contemplations  were  soon 
interrupted  by  the  coarse  voice  of  Bonner,  screaming  loudly 
from  the  opposite  end  of  the  long  hall.  She  was  obliged  .to 
scream  very  loudly,  in  order  to  be  heard  above  the  rest  of 
the  screamers, — "Miss  Coalspit,  come  here." 

Not  supposing  myself  addressed,  I  did  not  move  from  my 
,at;  she  repeated,  "  Miss  Coalspit  I  tell  ye  come  here  !" 

Still  I  moved  not.  and  began  to  wonder  that  neither  did 


THE  FIFTH  WARD.  61 

any  oue  else,  in  obedience  to  this  imperative  mandate.  Ob- 
serving me  still  motionless,  she  yelled  out  yet  more  furiously, 
'You  woman  that's  a  settin  there,  with  yer  shawl  all  over 
yer  head,  I  tell  ye  come  here  this  minute." 

This  last  was  a  "  trumpet"  with  no  -"  uncertain  sound  1" 
I  rose  immediately,  walked  down  the  hall  to  where  she  was 
standing,  and  said  in  a  low  voice  "  Excuse  me,  Miss  Bonner, 
I  did  not  know  you  addressed  me,  as  my  name  is  not  Miss 
Coalspit,  but  Mrs.  Olsen." 

"We  call  folks  anything  here,  jest  as  happens;  we  don't 
stan'  about  bein'  polite  here  to  any  on  yees,"  she  replied  in 
a  stormy  voice. 

So  I  perceive,  but  for  myself,  you  will  please  excuse 
me  from  following  this  fashion.  I  have  no  more  politeness 
than  I  need,  I  cannot  dispense  with  any,  but  must  use  all  I 
have,  as  I  perceive  politeness  is  rather  needed  here;  what  do 
you  wish  of  me  Miss  Bonner  ?" 

"  I  wish  ye  to  take  off  that  are  shawl,  ye  don't  need  it 
here  ;  the  rest  on  em  don't  wear  shawls,  un  you  shan't." 

"I  am  very  cold — have  taken  the  fever  and  ague,  the  chills 
are  upon  me  now,  and  I  fear  sitting  still  with  the  windows 
open,  as  you  say  I  must  do,  would  in  this  very  damp  air, 
cause  me  to  take  cold ;  I  should  prefer  to  keep  my  shawl 
upon  me  for  the  present,  if  you  please,  Miss  Bonner." 

"  I  don't  want  any  of  yer  talk;  take  it  right  off  this  min- 
ute, ur  I  '11  save  yees  the  trouble — folks  have  to  mind  here, 
I  tell  ye, — so  be  quick." 

Seeing  her  fiercely  approaching  me,  I  immediately  gave 
her  my  shawl,  walked  once  more  to  my  seat,  and  again  sat 
down  still,  as  she  had  ordered  me  to  do.  In  this  prison  was 
exacted  the  most  immediate  and  uncompromising  obedience 
to  rules  and  requirements  which  a  slave  holder  would  have 
blushed  to  inflict  upon  his  human  chattels.  Our  own  pre- 
ferences were  never  consulted.  (<  You  must  do  this  because 
I  want  ye  to,"  was  all  the  reason  given. 

Does  the  public  think  this  a  good  way  for  lost  sanity  to  be 
regained  ?  Alas,  what  has  the  public  hitherto  known  about 


52  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

it?  There  is  absolutely  no  escape  from  obedience  here,  no 
matter  what  is  required.  I  have  many  times,  seen  even 
tardy  or  reluctant  obedience  punished  with  fearful  severity; 
I  have  seen  the  attendant  strike  and  unmercifully  beat  on 
the  head,  her  patient's  with  a  bunch  of  heavy  keys,  which 
she  carried  fastened  by  a  cord  around  her  waist ;  leaving 
their  faces  blackened  and  scarred  for  weeks.  I  have  seen 
her  twist  their  arms  and  cross  them  behind  the  back,  tie 
them  in  that  position,  and  then  beat  the  victim  till  the  other 
patients  would  cry  out,  begging  her  to  desist.  I  have  seen 
her  punish  them  by  pouring  cold  water  into  their  bosoms,  a 
pailful  at  a  time,  leaving  it  to  dry  without  changing  their 
wet  clothing,  the  remainder  of  the  day,  several  hours;  I  have 
seen  her  strike  them  prostrate  to  the  floor,  with  great  vio- 
lence, then  beat  and  kick  them.  At  other  times  I  have  seen 
Elizabeth  Bonner  after  throwing  them  down,  their  faces  to 
the  floor,  pull  them  back  and  forth  by  the  hair,  and  beat  the 
noses  and  fa-ces  repeatedly  upon  the  floor;  I  have  seen  her 
kneel  upon  their  bodie's  and  strike  and  pound  them,  till  by 
struggling  and  crying,  they  became  too  weak  to  make  resis- 
tance, then  dragging  them  to  their  rooms,  would  lock  them 
up  for  many  hours,  leaving  them  alone.  I  have  seen  her  do 
all  this  too,  without  any  proof  that  they  had  been  guilty  of 
what  she  had  accused  them.  And  even  when  others  had  ac- 
cused them,  she  was  always  more  ready  to  believe  the  ac- 
cuser than  anything  the  accused  could  say  in  self-defence. 
In  this  way,  this  Jury,  Judge,  and  Executive  of  her  own 
laws,  went  on  using  the  powers  her  position  as  head  attend- 
ant gave  her  under  the  direction  and  command  of  Dr.  An- 
drew McFarland  !  "our  accomplished  Superintendent  1" 

It  was  not  rarely  and  occasionally,  but  hourly  and  continu- 
ally, that  these  brutalities  occurred.  There  was  not  a  single 
day,  of  the  twenty  days  I  staid  there,  that  I  did  not  witness 
scenes  of  this  character.  Sometimes  it  appeared  that  I 
must  turn  away  ;  that  I  could  not  endure  to  see  human  beings 
thus  abused.  But  the  next  thought  was  one  of  self-accusa- 
tion for  being  thus  tender  to  my  own  feelings.  "  If  these 


THE  FIFTH  WARD.  53 

sufferers  can  bear  to  feel  it,  I  can  and  will  bear  to  see  it 
said  I,  for  if  I  do  not  see  these  things,  I  cannot  testify  that 
I  did.  So  I  will  even  look  on."  But  this  resolution  I  con- 
fess did  sometimes  break  down,  for  I  was  often  so  much 
shocked  that  I  had  to  turn  away  my  eyes,  and  many  times  I 
stuffed  both  my  ears  as  full  as  possible,  with  locks  of  cotton 
to  deaden  the  noise  of  demoniac  shrieking  of  these  victims 
when  under  torture. 

One  day  I  became  so  indignant  that  I  summoned  courage, 
and  told  Mrs.  Bonner  that  if  she  did  not  stop  abusing  the 
patients  in  this  way,  I  should  tell  Dr.  McFarland  of  it.  "Dr. 
McFarland  knows  all  about  it  said  she,  I  don't  do  anything 
here,  but  what  he  knows  it  all,  and  he  tells  me  to  manage 
the  patients  here  by  my  own  judgment,  and  I  intend  to  do 
as  he  tells  me.  So  you  can  mind  your  own  business." 

I  silently  resolved  on  that  occasion  that  my  "own  busi- 
ness" should  be  to  gather  up  in  memory,  and  then,  when  the 
right  time  came,  sooner  or  later,  to  bring  to  light,  all  these 
"  deeds  of  darkness."  And  this  dear  reader,  is  the  way  I 
am  minding  my  "  own  business'1  even  now. 

But  I  told  her  then  that  I  should  talk  matters  over  with 
Dr.  Tenny  when  I  could  get  a  chance  to  see  him,  and  inti- 
mated that  I  should  give  him  some  edifying  information  of 
how  matters  went  on.  Also  that  in  due  time  Mrs.  Packard 
should  be  informed  of  these  affairs. 

"  You  shan't  tell  Mrs.  Packard,  she's  a  lady,  and  you're  a 
nuisance;  you  ain't  fit  to  speak  to  her." 

"But  she  loves  me,"  said  I,  "if  I  am  a  nuisance,  she  gave 
me  this  chain,"  pointing  to  a  beautifully  wrought  white  chain 
which  I  then  wore  upon  my  neck.  "She  gave  me  this  to  wear 
as  a  pledge  of  her  attachment  to  me,  and  I  shall  wear  it 
every  day,  for  her  sake." 

Lizzy  "looked  daggers,"  at  this  discovery,  and  had  it  not 
been  for  the  great  popularity  of  Mrs.  Packard  there,  I  think 
she  would  have  robbed  me  of  this  beautiful  ornament,  as  I 
have  seen  her  rob  others  of  gold  ornaments.  At  that  mo- 
ment, I  was  wearing  garments  which  Mrs.  Packard  had  lent 


54  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

me  in  the  Eighth  ward,  as  my  own  under  garments  had  been 
stolen  from  me,  and  divided  among  some  of  the  employees 
in  the  Asylum.  As  soon  as  "Liz"  knew  I  was  wearing 
borrowed  garments  of  Mrs.  Packard,  she  compelled  me  to 
take  them  off  and  give  them  to  her,  to  be  returned  to  Mrs. 
Packard,  saying  that  it  was  against  the  rules  for  one  patient 
to  borrow  of  another.  I  said  "I  wish  it  was  against  the 
rule,  to  let  the  servants  steal  the  clothing  from  the  patients." 
But  this  I  said  in  my  own  heart,  not  vocally. 

The  loss  of  these  garments,  added  to  the  robbery  of  my 
shawl,  caused  me  to  shiver  continually.  In  a  few  days,  the 
fever  and  ague  was  so  established,  that  I  became  at  last 
nearly  prostrate.  When  again  I  saw  Dr.  Tenny,  I  told  him 
how  I  constantly  shivered  for  the  loss  of  my  clothing.  He 
ordered  Lizzy  to  restore  my  shawl  immediately,  which  she  did; 
my  stolen  garments  were  not  returned.  After  this,  Lizzy  ap- 
peared to  hate  me  with  a  bitterness  that  was  truly  appalling. 
She  tried  in  many  ways,  to  provoke  me  to  ill  temper,  as  I 
supposed,  in  order  to  frame  some  complaint  against  me,  or  to 
have  some  excuse  for  abusing  me.  But  I  determined  she 
should  have  not  even  the  semblance  of  justification  for  the 
wanton  insults  with  which  she  first  met,  and  almost  uniformly 
ever  afterwards  treated  me,  especially  while  in  the  lowest 
prison  ward.  I  resolutely  governed  my  temper,  persevered  in 
obeying  instantly  her  slightest  commands;  and  always  ad- 
dressed her  with  tones  of  mildness  and  conciliation.  She 
never  in  the  Fifth  ward-,  used  any  violence  with  me,  but  as- 
sured me,  of  her  readiness  to  do  so,  in  case  I  dared  to  dis- 
obey. As  she  saw  to  her  sorrow,  that  there  was  some  danger 
of  Dr.  Tenny  protecting  me,  she  was  obliged  to  refrain  from 
actually  striking  me,  but  calmed  off  occasionally  some  small 
portion  of  her  ever  boiling  fury,  by  shaking  her  fists,  and  an- 
noying me  with  all  the  little  petty  persecutions  possible. 


PURGATORIAL  EXPERIENCES.  66 

YIII. 
Purgatorial  experiences. 

11  You  will  never  mend  till  more  of  you  are  burned." 

In  my  dialogue  with  Lizzy  Bonner,  already  referred  to,  I 
had  given  her  to  understand  that  I  should  lay  these  matters 
before  Dr.  Tenny  the  first  opportunity.  She  replied,  that 
if  I  interfered,  I  should  "git  the  same  treatment  the  rest  on 
'em  git."  I  was  so  closely  watched,  however,  that  no  oppor- 
tunity occurred  for  a  long  time,  in  which  to  tell  Dr.  Tenny. 
Dr.  McFarland  seldom  came  into  the  Fifth  ward,  and  when 
he  did,  would  pass  directly  through  the  hall,  without  ever, 
to  my  knowledge,  stopping  to  show  the  least  sympathy,  or 
the  least  attempt  to  relieve  the  sufferings  so  dreadfully  ap- 
parent in  every  face.  We  used  to  say  that  Dr.  McFarland's 
nose  was  too  delicate  ;  he  didn't  seem  much  to  enjoy  the 
smell  of  the  Fifth  ward.  "We  didn't  blame  him  for  that ;  we 
only  blamed  him  for  making  us  endure  it. 

Once,  and  only  once,  he  insulted  me  by  coming  into  my 
room.  He  gazed  at  me  with  a  kind  of  an  oyster-like  expres- 
sion ;  and,  at  last,  when  he  had  gazed  sufficiently,  said,  in  a 
tone  of  affected  wonder  and  commiseration,  "Mrs.  Sophia 
B.  Olsen !  "  I  stood  erect  before  his  gaze,  and  deigned  not 
to  speak  a  single  word,  but  gave  him  a  look  of  reproach  and 
defiance,  which  I  intended  should  say,  "You  have  not  hurt 
me,  and  now  it  is  too  late  to  hurt  yourself  in  my  credit." 
I  then  looked  significantly  at  the  door,  and  for  once  he  did 
a  sensible  thing,  which  was  to  immediately  take  himself  out 
of  my  sight.  I  could  bear  the  looks  of  even  Lizzy  Bonner, 
with  all  her  hateful  ferocity — could  even  speak  kindly  to 
her ;  but  after  the  repeated  demonstrations  of  heartless 
treachery  I  had  received  from  her  master,  McFarland,  I 
could  not  endure  the  looks  of  him  for  a  single  moment. 
Indeed,  for  nearly  two  months,  I  avoided  him  as  I  would  a 
snake  ;  it  seemed  as  if  his  very  presence  in  the  hall  would 
throw  me  into  convulsions. 


56  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Mrs.  McFarland  used  frequently  to  visit  the  ward,  and 
sometimes  would  sit  down  and  talk  with  me,  and  with  others. 
She  was  generally  pleasant,  and  used  to  laugh  a  good  deal. 
I  very  rarely  saw  any  indications  of  either  pity  or  sympathy 
in  her.  She  used  to  say,  "  Oh,  I  hear  so  many  stories  ;  one 
has  one  trouble,  another,  another  trouble.  I  can  not  help 
it.  I  didn't  bring  you  here,  and  it  is  not  I  who  keep  you 
here,"  &c.  I  think  Mrs.  McFarland  is  not  naturally  cruel 
or  heartless;  but  she  was  not  free  then;  she  was  a  subordi- 
nate as  well  as  the  attendants,  and  had  very  little  power 
over  the  patients.  She  would  often  say,  when  earnestly 
appealed  to,  "I  have  no  power  t,o  grant  your  wish;  ask  the 
Doctor.  It  isn't  as  I  say  about  things." 

My  own  unconquerable  pride  would  not  permit  me  ever  to 
tell  her  how  I  suffered  in  that  prison,  and  with  what  intense 
abhorrence  I  regarded  all  the  modus  operandi  there.  I 
affected  a  stoical  indifference  to  my  fate,  and  never  made 
the  least  complaint  to  her,  or  expressed  any  desire  to  return 
to  the  Eighth  or  Seventh  wards.  I  thought  of  the  apostle 
P^ter  in  prison,  who  said,  "Let  them  come  themselves  and 
fetch  us  out."  But  I  did  not  feel  thus  with  respect  to  my 
fellow  patients  ;  but  plainly  told  Mrs.  McFarland  just  what 
I  have  here  been  telling  the  public,  about  the  brutalities  of 
"  Lizzy"  Bonner.  I  also  tried  to  appeal  to  her  feelings  of 
sympathy  for  her  husband's  honor,  which  I  thought  was  in 
danger  of  some  "trifling  discount,"  when  these  things  would 
be,  as  they  surely  must  be,  made  known  to  the  world.  I 
used  every  argument,  every  possible  persuasion  I  could  sum- 
mon, to  induce  her  to  curtail  or  end  the  power  of  Lizzy 
there.  But  my  efforts  with  Mrs.  McFarland  proved  as  pow- 
erless as  they  had  ever  been  with  her  indomitable  husband. 

I  could  now  do  nothing  more  than  to  spend  my  utmost  care 
for  the  preservation  of  my  life  and  sanity,  and  to  learn  all 
I  could,  by  observing  the  phases  of  life  around  me. 

One  day  I  noticed,  in  one  of  the  small  rooms,  a  very  pale 
and  quiet  young  lady  sewing.  She  was  neatly  dressed,  and 
her  room  very  clean  and  tidy.  She  was  stitching  on  a  very 


PURGATORIAL  EXPERIENCES.  57 

fine  shirt  bosom.  I  was  much  surprised  to  see  her  in  prison. 
Observing  me  lingering  at  her  door,  she  very  politely  invited 
me  to  walk  in,  which  I  was  glad  to  accept.  It  was  a  relief 
to  get  out  of  the  noisy  hall,  and  my  own  room  afforded  me 
no  quiet.  I  soon  entered  into  conversation  with  this  young 
person,  and  found  her  highly  intelligent  and  ladylike  in  her 
manners.  I  was  glad  to  keep  up  her  acquaintance,  and  by 
her  invitation,  visited  her  every  day  in  her  room.  I  found 
rich  treasures  in  her  mind,  fully  repaying  all  the  attention  I 
gave  her.  She  had  been  left  an  orphan  in  infancy,  and  had 
been  always  a  child  of  poverty  and  sorrow  ;  yet  the  nobility 
of  her  nature  had  ever  inclined  her,  with  a  yearning  aspira- 
tion, towards  "  the  good,  the  beautiful,  the  true."  She 
possessed  warm  affections,  and  had  met  with  sad  disappoint- 
ments, sometimes,  in  the  object  to  which  this  confiding  love 
of  her  pure  nature  was  directed.  She  related  her  sad  his- 
tory to  me  very  freely,  though  without  the  least  attempt, 
apparently,  to  throw  herself  upon  my  sympathies.  She  ex- 
pressed no  reproach,  or  even  dislike  to  any  one ;  made  no 
complaints  of  the  sufferings  or  deprivations  of  her  present 
forlorn  condition.  She  was  never  allowed  any  amusement 
or  relaxation ;  never  attended  chapel  prayers,  balls,  walks, 
or  rides.  But  every  day,  not  even  excepting  the  Sabbath, 
with  her  ever  busy  fingers,  it  was  "stitch,  stitch,  stitch, 
from  weary  morn  till  night." 

She  would  even,  when  the  bell  rang  to  call  us  to  meals, 
sew  to  the  last  minute,  then  actually  run  down  the  hall  to 
the  dining  hall,  swallow  her  meal  hastily,  then  run  back  to 
her  room,  catch  up  her  needle,  and  continue  her  work  till 
day  was  done  and  twilight  had  darkened.  By  sewing  thus 
rapidly  and  incessantly,  she  accomplished  an  almost  incred- 
ible amount  of  work  for  the  Institution.  I  asked  her  her 
motive  in  toiling  so  incessantly,  expressing  my  fears  that  her 
health  would  surfer  by  such  application.  She  replied, 
"Mrs.  McFarland  is  going  to  pay  me  for  making  these  shirts." 

"How  many  have  you  made?  Do  you  keep  an  account  of 
them?" 

3A 


58  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"  Oh  no,  but  I  suppose  they  keep  account,  and  I  suppose 
'twill  be  all  right." 

Poor  child !  She  had  been  deluded  into  the  belief,  that 
by  thus  constantly  toiling  for  the  "workroom,"  she  had  been 
laying  up  a  fund  for  herself  that  would  hasten  her  removal, 
for  she  was  very  desirous  to  leave  the  "Asylum."  I  did  not 
undeceive  her,  feeling  that  the  opposing  influences  were  too 
strong  against  us  both.  This  unfortunate  person  was  indeed 
"laying  up  a  fund,"  but  it  was  a  fund  of  future  sickness,  of 
sorrow,  and  bitter  disappointment.  This  course  of  life,  also 
did,  indeed,  "  hasten  her  removal,"  but  it  was  a  removal  from 
earth ! 

In  one  of  my  interviews,  she  asked  if  I  could  not  obtain 
some  books  for  her.  "Oh,  it  is  so  long  since  I  have  seen  any 
kind  of  a  book !  I  do  so  long  to  get  hold  of  something  to 
read,  if  its  nothing  but  an  old  almanac  ;  do  try  to  get  me 
something,  won't  you?"  I  responded,  "I  am  not  now 
allowed  to  read  myself;  my  last  book  has  been  taken  away, 
but  I  will  watch  every  opportunity,  and  if  jDggsible,  will 
bring  you  something  to  read."  She  thanked  me  fervently. 

I  felt  deeply  distressed  for  -the  unhappy  doom  of  this 
lovely  young  person,  and  much  feared  that  a  continuation  of 
Dr.  McFarland's  present  "  treatment  of  her  case,"  would 
terminate  in  an  "incurable"  insanity.  In  the  course  of  a 
few  months,  my  worst  apprehensions  were  realized  in  the 
most  fearful  manner.  I  once  asked  her  attendant  why  Miss 
Hodson  never  went  out  of  doors.  She  replied,  "because 
she  used  to  be  so  ugly  when  we  let  her  go  out ;  she  wanted 
to  go  off,  and  once  undertook  to  run  away,  and  now  she  ain't 
a  goin'  out  any  more.  It's  too  much  trouble  to  git  her  back." 

How  strange  that  she  wants  to  run  away  !  Do  you  think, 
my  reader,  that  in  such  circumstances  you  would  not  wish 
to  run  away  ?  Do  you  think  you  could  be  contented  to  go 
and  stay  there  ?  If  so,  I  pray  you,  then,  go  and  stay  there, 
The  world  can  spare  you. 


PURGATORIAL  EXPERIENCES.  59 

IX. 
Satan's  Representative. 

"Remote,  unfriended,  melancholy,  low." 

Among  those  which  are  the  most  "remote"  from  human 
sympathy,  the  most  "unfriended"  and  "melancholy"  of  all 
the  sons  or  daughters  of  sorrow,  I  certainly  consider  the 
victims  of  the  Jacksonville  "Asylum"  prison.  Of  these,  I 
shall  now  briefly  describe  a  few  : 

The  first  on  my  list,  a  little  child — there  known  as  "little 
Dilly,"  only  about  nine  years  of  age.  Even  the  young 
"lambs  of  the  flock"  (I  wonder  whose  flock,)  packed  into 
this  abode  of  torment !  She  eats,  drinks,  exists  and  sleeps 
in  companionship  with  these  dreadful  beings.  She  had 
learned  of  her  companions  the  elements  of  the  most  demor- 
alizing education — taught  by  our  noble  State  authorities, 
through  their  most  "accomplished  Superintendent."  This 
little  child  has  learned  to  curse,  to  swear,  and  to  use  obscene 
expressions  with  a  volubility  that  would  shock  a  sailor  or  a 
pirate  !  I  heard  she  had  a  bad  temper,  and  had  learned  to 
swear  before  she  went  there.  Indeed  I  then  why  was  she 
not  sent  where  she  might  have  a  chance  to  reform,  instead  of 
having  such  manners  confirmed,  and  made  irreclaimable? 

If  a  farmer  has  in  his  flock  a  diseased  sheep  or  other  ani- 
mal, does  he  confine  it  with  other  sick  ones  in  some  small 
pen  ?  No  ;  he  knows  better  how  to  take  care  of  even  the 
brutes.  I  wish  the  State  of  Illinois  knew  better  than  thus 
to  maltreat  and  "pen  up"  the  bodies  and  souls  of  helpless 
childhood  !  I  expressed  a  wish  to  be  permitted  to  have 
"little  Dilly"  a  short  time  with  me  each  day  that  I  might 
teach  her  to  read,  but  could  not  get  the  least  attention  to  my 
request.  They  would  not  trouble  themselves,  so  much  as 
to  give  a  decent  refusal,  but  spurned  my  proposition  with 
contempt.  Is  there  not  an  old-fashioned  and  very  unfashion- 
able Book,  somewhere,  that  speaks  about  "taking  away  the 
key  of  knowledge,  neither  entering  in,  nor  suffering  others 


60  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

to  enter?"     Is  this  the  way  to  "suffer  little  children"    to 
come  to  Christ  ? 

Mrs.  Hays. 

My  description  of  this  prison  would  be  very  defective,  if 
I  neglected  to  describe  this  person.  She  was  one  of  the 
most  remarkable  specimens  of  humanity  I  ever  saw.  Active, 
bold,  furious,  frantic  in  the  extreme  ;  profane,  indecent  and 
horrible  in  all  those  actions  which  justify  such  adjectives, 
equally  in  the  extreme.  Yet,  anomolous  as  it  may  appear, 
this  singular  individual  would  at  times,  evince  a  disposition 
of  kindness  and  benevolence,  so  strongly  marked,  so  tenderly 
expressive,  as  often  to  excite  in  my  mind  the  sincerest  ad- 
miration as  well  as  astonishment.  She  was  so  active  and 
apparently  strong,  she  would  run,  and  dance,  and  jump  along 
the  halls  with  the  dexterity  of  a  bounding  deer.  We  used 
to  say  she  actually  flew. 

Her  attendant  kept  her  almost  constantly  at  work  at  the 
coarsest  drudgery.  But  she  would  find  time  every  day  to 
visit  every  one  of  the  patients  in  the  hall.  She  fancied  her- 
self the  supervisoress ;  and  as  such  would  examine  their  con- 
dition and  clothing  to  see  what  was  needed.  This  of  course 
she  did  on  her  own  responsibility,  as,  though  she  was  very 
skilful  in  finding  out  the  wants  of  the  rest,  she  was  not  equally 
skilled  in  supplying  those  wants.  I  was  willing  she  should 
visit  m9,  for  she  really  supplied  me  with  many  comforts,  and 
by  her  wonderful  adroitness,  procured  many  privileges ;  had 
it  not  been  for  her  timely  aid,  I  should  have  suffered  much 
more  than  I  did.  But,  unfortunately,  she  was  much  addicted 
to  using  tobacco,  and  would  eject  the  superfluous  perversion 
of  the  gastric  juice  all  over  the  floor,  and  the  walls  of  her 
room,  with  a  liberality,  which,  to  a  decent  woman,  must  be 
truly  appalling.  It  certainly  appalled  me,  when,  to  my  utter 
consternation  I  discovered  that  this  room  was  assigned  to 
me  ! 

In  this  most  filthy  place,  I  could  not  breathe  without  nearly 
strangling,  but  I  was  assured  that  the  room  was  "  good  enough 


MES.  HAYS.  61 

fur  yees."  Sick  and  enfeebled  as  the  ague  had  made  me,  I 
ye  I.  felt  more  able  to  scrub  and  clean,  than  to  breathe  and 
sleep  in  this  terrible  Pandora's  box  as  it  was.  I  very  mildly 
asked  of  my  attendant  the  privilege  of  procuring  from  the 
washroom  a  pail  of  hot  water  and  soap,  with  which  to  clean 
this  room.  She  granted  this  favor,  and  I  was  overjoyed, 
having  feared  that  I  was  to  be  locked  in  here  as  it  was.  I 
began  my  task,  proceeding  gradually  as  my  strength  allowed, 
to  scrub  and  make  clean  this  filthy  room,  so  far  as  I  was 
able  to  reach  the  walls  upward.  The  remainder  I  was 
obliged  to  leave  unfinished.  But  the  floor  I  made  quite 
clean,  with  abundance  of  water  and  soap  scrubbing,  so 
that  before  night  the  room  was  really  quite  tolerable.  One 
of  the  insane,  who  was  allowed  to  go  out,  had  the  kindness 
to  bring  a  nice  boquet  of  beautiful  flowers,  which  I  accepted 
gratefully,  and  placed  in  my  partly  darkened  window.  I 
looked  upon  these  beautiful  expressions  of  good-will  with 
real  pleasure, — a  pleasure  bestowed  by  the  sweet  ministra- 
tions of  our  gentle  mother  nature. 

What  a  poor  fool  I  was,  to  imagine  for  a  moment  that  such 
a  privilege  would  be  allowed  me !  As  soon  as  Lizzy  came 
along,  she  rushed  up  to  my  flowers,  jerked  them  out  of  the 
room  in  an  instant,  without  saying  a  word,  then  giving  the 
door  a  bang  with  her  keys,  vanished  out  of  my  sight.  I 
dared  make  no  remonstrance  "lest some  worse  thing  might 
come  to  me."  The  next  day,  lo,  a  worse  thing  did  come!  See- 
ing how  tidy  and  clean  I  had  made  the  room,  she  informed 
me  she  wanted  that  room  for  another  patient.  Before  I  had 
time  even  to  look  up  in  astonishment,  I  was  jerked  out  of  it, 
with  as  little  ceremony  as  had  been  my  unfortunate  flowers 
the  previous  day.  Opening  another  door,  into  another  hor- 
ribly filthy  room,  she  said  "this  is  to  be  your  room  now."  I 
shall  not  attempt  to  portray  my  feelings  on  this  occasion  I 

With  much  abated  strength,  and  now  rather  waning  hope, 
again  I  procured  soap  and  other  etceteras,  and  repeated  the 
cleaning  process  of  the  previous  day. 

I  was  allowed  only  two  days  to  enjoy  (?)  this  room  before  I 


62  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE.  % 

was  again  driven  into  one  still  worse  !  These  "petty  per- 
secutions" continued  till  the  attendant  saw  that  I  had  no 
strength  left  with  which  to  scrub.  Then  she  put  me  into  a 
"  screen-room"  as  it  is  termed,  and  there  I  remained  the 
time  I  staid  in  this  ward. 

One  day  I  heard  a  dreadful  noise,  worse  by  far,  than  any 
I  had  previously  heard;  It  appeared  that  for  some  trifling 
offence,  disputing  with  an  attendant  I  believe,  Mrs.  Hays 
had  incurred  the  anger  of  Lizzy  Bonner,  who  now  was  pun- 
ishing her.  She  tore  off,  one  after  another,  every  single 
article  of  clothing  from  her  victim.  She  did  this  with  so 
much  haste,  that  she  tore  the  under  woolen  garment  into 
several  pieces,  and  threw  the  pieces  about  the  floor.  Then 
when  perfectly  nude,  the  attendant  kicked  her  body  till  she 
had  crowded  her  quite  under  a  stationary  bench,  when  Mrs. 
Hays  curled  herself  up  in  a  heap,  so  to  speak. 

Lizzy's  back  was  turned  to  me  ;  she  did  not  know  I  was 
"  taking  notes."  I  stood  paralyzed  on  witnessing  these  bar- 
barities, silent  and  motionless,  transfixed  with  a  cold  creep- 
ing horror,  "Oh  God."  exclaimed  I,  "in  the  deep  abyss  of 
my  soul,  "while  with  dumb  lips  I  quailed."  Is  it  thus  that 
thy  children  must  suffer?  "how  long,  Oh  Lord,  how  long?" 
The  screams  of  the  sufferer  were  so  terrific,  and  the  blows  she 
received  so  much  more  terrific,  that  at  last  I  turned  to  leave 
the  scene,  feeling  that  I  could  no  longer  endure  to  see  it. 
But  in  one  instant, — as  if  more  than  mortal  strength  come  to 
my  aid, — I  thought,  "  if  this  sufferer  can  bear  to  feel  them, 
I  will  train  my  selfish  nerves  to  look  on.  Because,  if  I  do 
not  see  these  things,  I  can  never  say  that  I  saw  them,  and  as 
they  do  exist,  I  wish  to  be  able  to  testify."  I  silently  prayed 
that  death  would  come  to  the  suffering  Mrs.  Hays,  and  re- 
lieve her  from  further  torment.  But  she  did  not  die,  for  her 
time  had  not  come.  Neither  did  I  die,  "  for  my  time  had  not 
yet  come."  We  both  had  an  errand  to  this  earth  which  had 
not  yet  been  finished.  Mrs.  Hays  after  this  did  many  acts 
of  kindness  for  me  which  I  have  not  time  to  here  describe, 
and  notwithstanding  the  bad  points  I  have  named  respecting 


MRS.  HAYS.  63 

her.  I  must  in  justice  say  that  I  am  not  certain  but  she  really 
saved  my  life. 

After  Lizzy  had  beaten,  and  pulled  her  hair,  and  kicked 
her,  to  her  perfect  satisfaction,  she  dragged  her  across  the 
hall,  into  an  empty  room,  and  after  telling  her  that  "she 
shouldn't  have  any  supper,"  left  her  entirely  naked,  locked 
up  alone.  Mrs.  Hays  made  no  reply;  she  seemed  evidently 
much  weakened  ;  I  had  no  idea  that  she  could  live  till  morn- 
ing, for  I  did  not  then  know  how  far  the  endurance  of  human 
suffering  could  be  carried.  I  said  nothing  to  any  one.  A 
heavy  cloud  like  the  gloom  of  a  funeral  in  a  stormy  day  was 
upon  my  spirit.  I  felt  as  though  the  power  of  human  lan- 
guage had  left  me, and  I  quietly  glided  back  to  my  screen-room. 
I  saw  at  supper  time  while  passing  her  door  on  my  way  to  the 
dinning  hall,  that  two  other  very  insane  women  had  now 
been  locked  up  with  Mrs.  Hays.  Their  door  was  only  half 
a  door,  the  upper  part  being  an  open  iron  frame  like  a  win- 
dow frame,  so  that  one  on  passing,  could  see  all  within.  In- 
deed this  was  just  like  my  own  door  at  this  time,  so  that  I 
had  no  protection,  not  even  that  of  a  whole  door  to  defend 
me  from  the  horrid  sounds,  sights,  and  smells  of  this  truly 
Purgatorial  abode. 

"But  why  are  these  three  dangerous  women  locked  up  to- 
gether," was  my  query.  I  believe  it  was  done  so  that  in 
case  the  black  spots  which  the  blows  of  Lizzy  had  made 
upon  the  face  of  her  victim  should  not  disappear  in  comforta- 
ble season,  their  infliction  might  be  ascribed  by  the  attendant 
to  the  two  fierce  patients  locked  up  there  with  her  !  I  went 
to  my  supper  table  sadder  than  I  had  ever  felt.  The  terrible 
sights  I  had  seen  followed  my  vision  and  destroyed  my  appe- 
tite. I  managed  to  steal  a  buscuit  from  the  table,  intending 
to  slip  it  through  her  bars  to  the  suffering  Mrs.  Hays,  as  I 
passed  her  door  on  returning  to  my  own  room;  but  Lizzy, 
who  I  believed  suspected  something  of  the  kind,  followed  me 
closely,  drove  me  into  my  room,  and  locked  my  door  for  the 
night. 


64  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

X. 
The  Resurrection. 

"If  I  ascend  up  into  heaven,  thou  art  there." 

It  is  time  to  conduct  my  readers  out  of  this  horrible  ward, 
and  I  am  sure  they  think  so  too.  I  might  write  a  large  vol- 
ume, describing  scenes  of  cruelty  and  injustice  quite  equal  to 
any  here  detailed,  but  my  limits  will  not  allow. 

My  health  had  now  become  extremely  enfeebled  ;  I  could 
not  sleep  except  when  utterly  prostrate  from  long  wakefulness, 
nature  could  hold  out  no  longer.  It  was  my  practice  to  stuff 
cotton  into  my  ears  to  deaden  the  sounds  of  the  terrible 
shrieks  which  came  from  all  directions.  This  cotton  was 
furnished  by  Mrs.  Hays  voluntarily;  she  used  to  procure  it 
by  stealth,  telling  me  to  put  it  into  my  shoes  to  keep  my 
feet  warm.  But  the  cotton  had  not  power  to  solace  even  one 
brief  hour,  for  the  dreadful  sounds  would  find  avenues  to  my 
ears.  I  thought  I  must  either  become  insane,  from  the  long 
pressure  upon  my  brain,  caused  by  these  influences,  or  must 
die  of  brain  fever,  so  terrible  was  the  pain  in  my  head. 

As  a  last  resort,  in  my  persistent  endeavors  to  counteract 
these  influences,  and  thus  protect  my  sanity,  I  used  to  rise 
in  the  night,  from  my  recumbent  position,  and  sit  up  with 
these  large  wads  of  cotton  bound  tightly  about  my  ears,  at 
the  same  time  vigorously  pressing  my  head  and  face  down- 
wards to  divert  the  blood  from  the  cerebral  veins.  I  had  al- 
ready begun  to  experience  symptoms  of  congestion  of  the 
brain.  One  night  while  much  distressed  by  such  apprehen- 
sions, an  unusual  lassitude  crept  over  me,  and  ere  I  was 
aware,  was  actually  lost  in  the  sweet  unconsciousness  of 
slumber.  I  was  not  in  heaven,  though,  in  this  enviable  hour 
of  rest,  I  dreamed  I  was  there,  but  in  the  midst  of  my  rap- 
ture over  the  thought  that  such  a  lingering  death  as  I  had 
been  suffering,  was  now  indeed  "swallowed  up  in  victory," 
lo  !  a  fierce  and  rapid  succession  of  far  other  sounds  than  ''the 
songs  of  the  redeemed,"  convinced  my  reluctantly  waking 


THE  RESURRECTION.  65 

eyes  that  I  was  not  yet,  as  I  had  hoped,  "  on  the  other  side 
of  Jordan  !"  "  Oh  God  !  Oh  God  !  let  my  tormentors  be 
swallowed  up  forever  in  the  lake  of  fire  and  brimstone," 
shouted  with  terrific  loudness,  a  sufferer  of  about  twenty 
years  of  age.  Her  room  was  but  a  few  feet  from  my  own. 
She  continued  with  vociferations  of  this  character,  as  long 
as  she  had  breath.  Before  this  song  was  ended,  it  had  awak- 
ened and  excited  another  patient  opposite,  who,  angry  to 
have  her  temporary  sleep  thus  disturbed,  screamed  out,  "Yes, 
I  mean  to  send  McFarland's  soul  to  hell ;  there  it  shall  be 
roasted  and  burned  for  thousands,  millions,  millions,  trillions, 
trillion  years.1'  This  too  was  many  times  repeated,  as  she 
emphasized  and  prolonged  the  first  syllable,  m-i-1-l-ions 
m-i-1-l-ions. 

Thus  this  aged  woman  and  the  young  girl,  the  fiercest  in 
the  hall,  tortured  my  brain,  and  in  the  same  way  almost 
every  night  of  my  stay  in  this  ward ;  till  in  my  iron  deter- 
mination not  to  become  myself  insane,  I  actually  discovered 
a  method  of  effectually  fighting  against  Dr.  McFarland's 
seeming  decree  that  my  sanity  should  become  annihilated  I 

I  relate  it  for  the  benefit  of  any  readers  who  may  possibly 
be  placed  in  similar  circumstances.  Finding  that  sleep  was 
out  of  the  question,  with  such  a  jargon  about  my  head,  I  re- 
solved to  neutralize  the  effect  of  such  sounds  by  reversing 
the  current  of  their  ideas  ;  by  calling  to  my  aid  with  a  vio- 
lent effort  of  will,  opposite  ideas.  Sitting  up,  erect  in  my 
bed,  with  as  loud  a  voice  as  I  could  possibly  command,  to 
help  to  drown  these  opposite  voices,  I  repeated  passages  of 
the  most  beautiful  and  attractive  poetry  I  had  ever  learned 
in  former  years. 

These  daily  distractions,  added  to  the  intense  mental  ex- 
ertions of  these  my  midnight  labors,  had  now  perfectly  pros- 
trated my  health.  At  last  I  was  unable  to  rise  from  my  bed. 
I  can  not  find  words  to  express  the  intensity  of  feeling  with 
which  I  wished  my  friend  Mrs.  Packard  might  be  allowed  to 
come  from  the  Eighth  ward  and  visit  me.  But  I  knew  better 
than  to  ask  this  indulgence.  I  would  as  soon  have  asked 


66  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

any  of  my  key-holding  "powers  that  be  "for  liberty  to  rap 
at  the  gate  of  heaven,  to  call  down  the  angel  Gabriel  to  see 
me — I  should  have  had  no  less  probability  of  success.  In- 
deed, if  by  any  mortal  or  immortal  agency,  Mrs.  Packard 
had  been  allowed  to  "  descend  into  hell "  to  visit  me  at  that 
time,  I  hardly  think,  so  intoxicating  must  have  been  my  joy, 
that  I  should  have  known  any  difference  between  herself,  and 
an  angel  from  heaven  ! 

But  I  was  now  really  sick  and  helpless.  What  could  I 
do?  I  had  a  fever,  but  knew  no  one  to  do  anything  for  me. 
Dr.  Tenny  was  absent  much  of  the  time,  but  when  he  did 
visit  the  hall,  my  ever  busy  tormentor,  Lizzy  Bonner,  would 
generally  contrive  to  take  up  the  whole  of  his  time  directing 
him  to  other  scenes,  in  order  to  keep  him  away  from  me. 
Besides  I  had  a  suspicion  all  the  time  that  he  felt  guilty  for 
having  allowed  his  better  nature  to  bow  to  McFarland's  most 
wicked  command  for  my  imprisonment  there.  It  was  my  im- 
pression that  Dr.  Tenny  did  not  wish  to  give  me  an  oppor- 
tunity to  give  him  that  just  reproach  that  he  well  knew  he 
deserved.  But  he  did  not  understand  my  nature.  I  did  not 
feel  like  reproaching  him,  though  he  had  betrayed  the  great 
confidence  he  knew  I  had  reposed  in  his  honor,  I  felt  too 
much  grief  to  entertain  reproach  or  revenge. 

My  attendant  that  morning,  missing  my  presence  at  the 
table,  called  to  my  room,  and  said,  "Ain't  ye  up  yit?"  "I 
am  sick,  Elizabeth, "replied  I.  "Please  excuse  me,  I  can  not 
go  to  the  table,  and  do  not  wish  to  eat."  Perceiving  my  in- 
ability to  rise,  she  brought  me  a  plate  of  baked  pork,  and 
hot  biscuit !  I  thanked  her,  but  declined,  telling  her  it  was 
impossible  to  eat  it.  She  seemed  angry,  though  my  manner 
to  her  was  perfectly  gentle  as  it  had  ever  been.  She  hastily 
responded,  "  The  rest  on 'em  don't  complain;  its  good  enough 
fur  'em  they  think  ;  un  it's  good  enough  for  ye  too,  so  ye'll 
eat  that  or  git  nothin."  I  preferred  to  "gitnothin."  I  then 
very  mildly  asked  her  if  she  would  bring  me  a  cup  of  weak 
tea  without  sugar,  or,  if  that  was  not  convenient,  a  glass  of 
cold  water.  She  re-plied,  "If  yee's  too  good  to  eatsich  as 


THE  RESURRECTION.  67 

the  rest  on  'em  eat,  I  wonYbring  ye  nothin  more."  So  shut- 
ting my  half-door  with  a  bang,  she  left  me. 

But  as  it  seems  "  my  time  had  not  yet  come  to  die,"  I  ral- 
lied, and  in  two  or  three  days,  became  able  again  to  leave 
that  bed  of  pain,  and  go  out  into  the  hall.  But  as  neither 
rest  nor  safety  was  to  be  found  there,  I  again  went  to  my 
room.  Here,  being  so  weak,  the  intrusion  of  the  noisy  was 
more  annoying  than  ever  ;  being  now  unable  to  either  amuse 
them  or  attract  them  out  of  my  room,  as  I  had  often  done 
before.  They  would  persist  in  pulling  over  everything  in 
the  room,  then,  in  the  same  manner,  would  examine  my 
person,  put  their  hands  into  my  pocket,  and  feel  of  my  head, 
making  themselves,  in  spite  of  the  best  efforts  I  could  make 
to  get  rid  of  them,  most  disgustingly  familiar.  They  would 
overhaul  the  work,  which  even  here,  I  still  tried  to  do;  often 
taking  away  parts  of  it,  causing  much  disturbance.  In  other 
moods  of  mind,  they  fancied  me  their  enemy,  and  would  in- 
flict punishments  like  Lizzy  Bonner,  on  their  own  responsi- 
bility. Sometimes  they  would  strike  me  suddenly,  knock 
me  down,  and  often  spit  upon  me,  either  in  'my  face,  or  upon 
my  hands  or  garments,  as  suited  their  convenience.  Some- 
times they  annoyed  me  still  worse  by  trying  to  pull  my  cloth- 
ing from  my  person,  declaring  it  was  theirs,  and  I  had  stolen 
it  from  them. 

These,  as  I  subsequently  learned,  were  not  the  ordinary 
specimens  of  "  insane  people,"  but  rare  and  extraordinary 
specimens  of  distorted  humanity ;  no  less  indeed  than  the 
State's  incendiaries  and  thieves-  who  had  been  brought  from 
the  State's  Prison  and  from  the  Penitentiary  of  Illinois  ! 
Who  can  wonder  that  Elizabeth  Bonner  thought  they  were 
as  good  as  I  was,  and  entirely  appropriate  companions  forme, 
when  Dr.  McFarland  had  assigned  me  to  their  companion- 
ship !  She  was  only  a  tool  in  his  hands  to  carry  out  his  pur- 
poses. 

But  now  in  my  present  condition  of  weakness,  I  ventured 
to  humbly  ask  her  to  lock  me  up  alone  in  my  room  in  the  day 
time,  explaining  how  they  annoyed  me,  and  promising  if  she 


68  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

would  comply  with  my  request,  that  I  would  help  her  again 
about  her  work  all  I  could,  as  soon  as  I  was  well.  But  she 
refused,  saying,  "what  business  had  ye  to  be  here  then?  ye 
ain't  crazy,  un  ye  must  have  been  ugly,  or  yur  friends 
wouldn't  put  ye  into  sich  a  place  as  this,  I  ain't  a  goin  tu 
run  round  ahter  ye,  un  ye  needn't  be  complainin  iny  more  to 
me.  If  they  kill  ye,  'tis  likely  ye  deserve  it."  So  I  con- 
cluded that  though  locks  and  keys  were  always  ready  to  be 
used  against  me,  yet  never  could  they  be  used  for  my  pro- 
tection or  advantage. 

Therefore,  as  now  I  could  not  defend  myself  from  their 
fury  while  sitting  up,  and  feeling  very  sore  and  lame,  from 
their  blows,  I  felt  no  longer  able  to  fight  so  unequal  a  battle, 
and  now  retired  to  my  bed  in  the  day  time  covering  myself 
as  closely  as  possible,  to  protect  my  head  from  the  danger  of 
their  blows.  My  attendant  did  not  allow  such  indulgence 
long,  but  soon  ordered  me  to  "  git  up,  and  not  muss  up  the 
bed  in  the  day  time."  I  rose  mechanically,  and  once  more, 
with  but  half  an  armor,  endeavored  "  to  win  my  desperate 
way."  So,  on  and  on  I  struggled  daily,  never  for  a  moment 
losing  sight  of  my  original  determination  to  learn  all  the 
mysteries  of  "  Lunatic  Asylums  !" 

Day  after  day,  three  times  each  day,  did  the  great  "  Asy- 
lum "  bell  summon  us  to  take  our  meals  for  the  protraction  of 
wretched  existences.  Such  a  crowded  table  !  More  than 
seventy  women  in  all  degrees  of  sanity  and  of  insanity,  of 
virtue  and  of  vice,  and  of  every  gradation  between  these  ex- 
tremes,— promiscuously  huddled, — jammed,  literally  crammed 
together  at  these  tables  !  All  wanted  to  have  "their  say," 
except  a  few  silent  ones,  who  rarely  spoke  at  all.  I  was,  on 
these  occasions  generally  silent,  in  order  the  better  to  ob- 
serve the  practical  application  of  "our  accomplished  Super- 
intendent's" method  of  applying  the  "  Physiology^of  Die- 
tetics "  to  the  restoration  of  diseased  intellects  ! 

His  system  was  directly  at  war  with  those  systems  of  the 
present  age  that  are  most  approved  by  those  enlightened  re- 
formers who  have  made  the  laws  of  health  a  special  study. 


THE  RESURRECTION".  69 

None  of  these,  I  believe  recommend  the  abundant  eating  of 
pork  for  feeble  and  sickly  people.  They  do  not  recommend 
eating  supper  of  hot  biscuit  in  the  quickest  possible  haste, 
and  then  rushing  immediately  to  bed.  But  this  was  practiced 
there,  always  in  the  Fifth  ward.  We  were  often  commanded 
to  "  hurry  !  hurry  up  !  I  want  to  clear  the  table,  then  take 
your  biscuit  to  your  room  and  finish  it  there."  Sometimes  I 
have  seen  half  a  dozen  or  more  at  a  time  running  with  a  half- 
munched  hot  biscuit  in  hand  to  their  bed-rooms,  while  the 
attendant  was  behind,  impatiently  swinging  her  keys  ready 
to  lock  them  in. 

Perhaps  Messrs.  Fowler,  Wells  and  others  had  better  em- 
ploy Dr.  McFarland  to  write  a  series  of  articles  in  their 
popular  health  journal,  describing  the  benefits  of  his  new 
system  of  dietetics.  I  think  he  might  throw  some  light 
which  never  on  this  subject  has  illuminated  their  pages  I 
The  Doctor  is  a  scientific  man,  and  of  course  acquainted 
with  the  laws  of  health.  Now,  I  want  him  to  explain  to 
"  the  dear  people,"  the  peculiar  benefits  of  suppers  of  hot 
biscuit,  with  tainted  butter  being  "hurried"  down  the  throats 
of  diseased  patients  ;  then,  of  their  going  to  bed  in  a  small 
room  full  of  miasma  from  all  manner  of  noxious  exhala- 
tions, oppressed  with  every  emotion  of  disgust,  anger  and 
grief,  that  such  a  system  can  impose.  Let  him  describe  their 
impotent  attempts  at  slumber,  and  their  frequent  nightmares. 
The  public  ought  to  know  the  peculiar  benefits  of  such  a 
system ;  and  I  am  aware  of  none  so  well  calculated  to  show 
these  benefits  as  "  our  accomplished  Superintendent." 

Whenever  I  walked  from  my  "  screen  room"  to  my  meals; 
to  the  wash-room,  indeed  any  where,  I  had  to  "watch  there- 
fore" how  I  should  step,  in  order  to  escape  some  of  the 
"dangers"  which,  in  the  language  of  a  well  known  religious 
poet,  "stand  thick  o'er  all  the  ground,  to  push  us  to  the 
tomb."  If  I  went  too  near  an  old  lady,  Mrs.  Triplet,  who 
always  sat  in  one  place  by  which  I  was  obliged  to  pass  on 
my  way  to  meals,  she  would  brandish  her  arms  and  curse  and 
swear  loudly  threatening  to  kill  me.  If,  in  my  attempts  to 


70  THE  PRISONER  S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

escape  her,  I  came  too  near  another  on  the  opposite  seat, 
(both  of  whom  spent  most  of  their  time,  sitting  on  their  seats) 
the  latter  would  discharge  a  load  of  spittle,  which  she  had 
previously  prepared  for  my  reception,  into  my  face,  or  about 
my  person.  So  I  was  each  moment,  obliged  to  study  how  to 
so  adjust  my  steps  as  to  escape  this  Scylla  and  Charybdis.  I 
found  it  necessary  also  to  appear  to  be  careless,  and  to  con- 
ceal from  all  the  fact  of  my  using  such  vigilance.  I  did 
literally  walk  in  a  straight  and  narrow  way. 

My  position  here  constantly  reminded  me  of  that  locality, 
so  graphically  described  by  Bunyan,  the  "  Valley  of  Humili- 
ation," where  Christian,  at  every  step  encountered  "gins, 
traps,  pits  and  snares."  These  were  ever  menacing  my 
progress,  and  often  caused  me  internally  to  exclaim,  "  Why 
am  I  made  to  possess  months  of  vanity,  while  wearisome 
nights  are  appointed  unto  me."  But  "  there  is  an  end  to  all 
earthly  things,"  it  is  said,  and  I  here  add  my  testimony 
that  there  is  also  an  end  to  some  unearthly  things.  Accord- 
ing to  previous  arrangements,  of  Mrs.  McFarland  and  Lizzy 
Bonner,  it  was  now  officially  announced  in  the  hall,  that  the 
latter  was  to  take  about  fourteen  of  her  patients  up  to  the 
Eighth  ward  in  a  few  days.  This  of  course  created  a  great 
sensation,  and  the  query  became  general  "  who  is  going?  " 
"Is  it  I  ?"  So,  while  yet  unable  to  sit  up  all  day,  I  joyfully 
emerged  with  the  rest,  and  in  due  ceremony,  we  were  con- 
ducted to  the  very  highest  part  of  the  building.  The  room 
assigned  me  was  in  the  north  end  of  the  hall.  It  was  a  very 
cold  room,  exposed  to  the  winds,  and  far  from  the  fires,  all 
of  which  were  in  a  cellar  below  all  the  halls. 

It  was  well  for  me  that  I  could  not  then  anticipate  the 
suffering  which  the  coming  winter  had  in  store  for  me.  I 
had  no  expectation  of  being  obliged  to  spend  the  winter 
there. 

In  this  hall  I  could  work;  so  my  former  employments  were 
again  resumed,  but  I  suffered  so  much  from  chills  and  fever, 
it  was  comparatively  little  that  I  was  able  to  do  besides  tak- 
ing proper  care  of  my  room,  and  keeping  my  clothing  in  good 


THE  RESURRECTION.  71 

repair,  t  soon  saw  Dr.  Tenny,  and  prevailed  upon  him  to  let 
me  resume  the  study  of  Roman  history,  which  had  been  in- 
terrupted while  in  the  lowest  prison  ward.  He  again  brought 
me  "Gibbon's  Decline  and  Fall  of  the  Roman  Empire."  The 
only  way  I  could  preserve  this  book  from  being  taken  from 
me  by  some  of  the  wilder  ones  in  the  hall,  was  to  keep  it 
constantly  about  my  person.  I  made  a  strong  bag  for  the 
purpose,  tied  this  to  my  apron  strings,  and  when  not  reading 
always  placed  the  book  in  it,  carrying  it  to  my  meals  and  every 
where  I  went,  when  obliged  to  leave  my  room.  In  this  way 
I  managed  to  read  five  volumes  of  that  immortal  work,  and 
found  it  productive  of  much  pleasure  by  giving  an  agreeable 
diversity  to  the  sadness  of  a  prison  life.  I  name  these  cir- 
cumstances to  show  how  difficult  it  is,  in  such  a  place,  to  cul- 
tivate or  improve,  or  even  benefit  one's  mind.  Yet  this  is 
supposed  to  be  a  place  where  even  disordered  minds  are  re- 
stored to  order.  Oh  humbug !  what  is  thy  name  ?  where  is 
thy  representative  ? 

Our  ascent  to  the  Eighth  ward  occurred  in  the  morning. 
When  the  dinner  hour  arrived,  and  I  again  saw  the  tranquil 
beaming  face  of  my  beloved  friend,  Mrs.  Packard,  I  longed 
to  throw  myself  into  her  arms,  and  weep  with  joy  upon  her 
bosom. 

She  was  affected  in  the  same  way  as  were  many  others  re- 
specting the  abusive  treatment  to  which  the  patients  were 
subjected.  Yet  she  did  not  see  the  worst  forms  of  this 
cruelty.  The  attendants  dared  not  in  her  presence  perpe- 
trate these.  She  honestly  expressed  her  feelings  both  to 
them  and  to  the  officers  on  this  subject.  When  her  eloquent, 
yet  intensely  gentle  and  tender  voice  was  raised  in  the  de- 
fence of  the  suffering  ones  around  her,  every  other  voice  was 
hushed.  We  all  knew  she  "  was  a  host "  in  herself,  and 
many  of  the  "  insane,"  possessed  yet  sufficient  sanity  to  re- 
cognize in  her  their  future  deliverer. 

The  hand  of  this  our  dear  friend  was  ever  ready  to  admin- 
ister acts  of  beneficence,  so  far  as  her  restricted  privileges 
would  permit;  her  voice  to  soothe,  to  cheer  and  to  sustain  ; 


72  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

*to  encourage  the  desponding  and  indolent  to  energetic  ac- 
tivity and  self  respect,  and  to  intellectual  and  moral  eleva- 
tion. The  sick  delighted  to  grasp  her  hand,  when  she  was 
permitted  to  visit  them,  and  deep  were  the  murmurings  when 
this  privilege  was  not  allowed. 

Such  an  ardent  lover  of  truth,  so  heroic  a  defender  of 
principles,  dear  as  her  own  life,  I  never  saw  outside  these 
walls.  The  boldness  with  which  she  reproved  tyranny,  and 
the  thrilling  eloquence  with  which  she  defended  the  cause  of 
suffering  humanity,  were  truly  "a  terror  to  evil  doers!" 

No  one  was  so  popular  in  the  whole  institution.  Without 
ever  being  intrusive,  she  drew  all  eyes,  all  ears,  in  every 
circle.  At  balls  the  most  aerial  dancer;  in  labor,  the  most 
industrious,  in  all  public  gatherings  or  private  circles,  <fthe 
observed  of  all  observers."  The  wonderful  power  she  pos- 
sessed over  the  minds  of  others  drew  all  to  her  ample  heart, 
with  an  irresistible  magnetism.  "When  she  came  into  our 
hall,  every  hand,  eye  and  heart,  were  open  to  receive  her. 
I  never  saw  one,  who  took  the  least  notice  of  anything,  who, 
after  having  seen  her  once,  did  not  wish  to  see  her  again. 
When  we  suffered  any  unusual  abuse,  it  was  very  often  said, 
"I'll  tell  Mrs.  Packard  of  this."  We  knew  our  rights  would 
find  an  able  advocate  in  our  firm  and  gentle  friend. 

Doctor  and  Mrs.  McFarland  were  much  annoyed  by  these 
demonstrations  of  the  fact  that  Mrs.  Packard  was  so  much 
more  popular  than  themselves ;  and  this  annoyance  was  un- 
doubtedly the  reason,  that  shortly  after  the  accession  of  the 
patients  from  the  lowest  prison,  to  her  ward,  the  privileges 
of  Mrs.  Packard  were  materially  abridged.  The  restrictions 
to  which  she  was  condemned,  were  very  severe  ;  sufficient 
to  exasperate  the  gentlest  mind.  Yet  they  could  not  ruffle 
her  undaunted  spirit,  or  change  to  a  frown,  the  sublime  tran- 
quillity, of  that  heaven-sustained  soul. 


REIGN  OF  TERROR  73 

XI 
The  Reign  of  Terror. 

"  Strike  till  the  last  armed  foe  expires." 

To  my  astonishment  and  joy,  at  dinner,  the  day  we  entered 
the  Eighth  ward,  Lizzy  Bonner  said  tome,  "  Mrs.  Olsen, 
you  can  have  your  seat  at  the  table  next  to  Mrs.  Packard." 
I  did  not  dare  even  to  thank  Miss  Bonner,  or  to  show  any  de- 
monstration of  my  joy  when  this  most  delightful  decree  was 
announced,  but  quietly  took  my  seat.  Here,  for  a  few  weeks, 
I.  had  the  privilege  of  eating  without  fear  that  my  brains 
would  be  knocked  out,  or  that  any  other  episode  from  dinner, 
such  as  some  one's  upsetting  my  plate,  or  laying  her  hair 
into  it,  or  crowding  or  sneezing,  or  anything  of  the  kind. 
Mrs.  Packard  and  myself  conversed  in  very  low  tones,  so  as 
not  to  disturb  any  one,  and  not  to  permit  our  attendant  to 
suspect  that  we  were  particularly  happy.  Our  meal  hours 
were  the  most  pleasant  hours  I  enjoyed,  for  with  my  sweet 
friend  by  my  side,  I  forgot  that  the  potatoes  were  always 
cold,  the  meat  often  tainted,  and  butter  no  longer  visible.  I 
forgot  the  immodest  and  profane  conversation  that  was  com- 
mon with  a  certain  class  of  women,  who,  though  they  evi- 
dently, had  a  long  time  had  the  privilege  of  "  go  thy  way," 
yet  as  evidently  had  omitted  to  recognize  the  force  of  the  di- 
vine mandate  to  "sin  no  more  !" 

About  this  time,  some  changes  had  made  impressions  on 
some  minds  which  looked  very  ominous.  It  was  whispered 
that  our  ward  was  to  be  broken  up,  and  some  of  us  put  into 
the  Sixth  ward.  I  trembled  at  the  thought  that  I  might  be 
included  among  the  number,  for  I  had  heard  that  the  Sixth 
ward  was  not  much  better  than  the  Fifth,  and  I  could  not 
bear  to  again  '•  go  down."  These  changes  however  did  not 
affect  me. 

It  had  been  so  long  since  I  had  heard  from  home,  that  I 
supposed,  very  naturally,  that  all  who  had  formerly  known 

and  loved  me,  had  become  accustomed  to  the  idea  that  I  was 
4 


74  THE  PBISONER  S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"  incurably  insane,"  and  consequently  incapable  of  appreci- 
ating letters  from  them  !  Bitter  indeed  was  this  apprehen- 
sion ;  yet  I  derived  some  consolation,  by  thinking  that  if  in- 
deed it  should  be  my  destiny  to  die  there,  which  now,  as  my 
health  had  become  so  feeble,  was  very  probable,  my  friend, 
Mrs.  Packard,  would  surely  vindicate  my  sanity  to  my 
friends  at  Chicago,  as  soon  as  it  should  become  in  her  power 
to  do  so. 

Mrs.  McFarland  now  avoided  Mrs.  Packard  as  much  as 
possible  ;  not  only  declining  to  show  her  the  least  sympathy, 
but  utterly  refusing  to  speak  to  her.  Though  the  latter 
could  never  be  accused  of  ever  breaking  any  of  the  thousand 
and  one  rules  of  our  key-holders,  and  yielded,  no  less  than 
myself,  implicit  obedience  to  all  their  commands,  yet,  she 
"was  accused  by  the  matron  and  one  of  the  most  obsequious 
of  the  attendants,  of  being  "very  troublesome  !"  I  believe 
she  was  "very  troublesome,"  to  some  of  Satan's  kingdom; 
since  she  persisted  so  firmly,  not  only  in  giving  no  cause  for 
offence,  but  in  exhibiting,  so  far  as  the  most  blameless  life 
could  do  so,  all  the  "peaceable  fruits  of  righteousness." 
But  it  troubled  the  adversary  much  to  know  that  she  spent 
nearly  all  her  time  writing  in  her  own  room,  some  "mischief," 
they  had  reason  to  fear,  might  come  of  it,  •'  Othello's  occu- 
pation1' might  become  endangered. 

It  had  been  discovered  by  the  powers  that  be,  that  her 
alliances  were  becoming  quite  too  numerous  for  the  enemies' 
forces.  She  was  now  securely  entrenched  by  fortifications 
erected  by  the  warm  friendship  of  numerous  partizans ;  and 
the  daily  accessions  to  her  party  were  a  signal  of  defeat  to 
the  enemies'  forces.  Indeed  we  all  felt  that  we  had  been 
drawn  into  a  regular  civil  war  with  the  Institution  ! 

All  the  seventy  patients  in  the  Eighth  ward  who  took  the 
least  interest  in  anything,  sympathised  with  Mrs.  Packard  ; 
and,  so  far  as  I  could  learn,  every  attendant,  both  male  and 
female,  in  the  Asylum,  defended,  and  very  highly  respected 
Mrs.  Packard.  This  state  of  affairs  created  increased  ap 
prehensions  in  thfi  camp  of  the  enemy.  Something  must  be 


BEIGN  OF  TERROR.  75 

done .  Our  potent  commander,  after  holding  a  war-council  with 
several  of  his  allies,  the  chief  of  whom  was  Bonner,  the 
Prime  Minister,  now  issued  officially  from  his  "sanctum,"  a 
new  and  startling  Proclamation.  It  was  this: 

"All  intercourse  between  Mrs.  Packard  and  the  inmates 
of  the  west  division  of  the  Eighth  ward,  must  be  prohibited 
except  under  strict  guard  of  an  attendant!  Mrs.  Packard 
must  not  be  allowed  to  go  into  the  hall,  except  when  accom- 
panied by  an  attendant.  She  is  to  hold  no  more  prayer- 
meetings,  lend  no  more  books,  and  those  she  has  lent  must 
be  immediately  returned." 

This  Proclamation  was  met  in  our  hall  with  silent  hisses 
of  execration.  Some,  however  wers  far  from  being  silent. 
A  few  swore  loudly  on  the  occasion,  and  prayed  very  loudly 
for  a  fresh  instalment  of  curses  upon  the  head  of  Dr.  McFar- 
land.  As  for  me,  I  wept  more  bitter  tears  than  any  I  had 
ever  shed  there,  knowing  that  now  my  life  was  to  be  deprived 
of  almost  its  only  earthly  solace.  In  a  very  few  days,  I  was 
suddenly  ordered  to  leave  my  seat  at  the  table  next  Mrs. 
Packard,  and  take  a  seat  at  another  table  in  the  same  hall, 
by  the  side  of  an  old  lady  who  was  known  to  be  the  fiercest 
and  most  dangerous  of  all  the  female  patients  in  the  Asylum! 
She  had  been  recently  conducted  from  the  prison  below. 

I  met  this  terrible  order  without  trembling,  but  with  a 
deep  and  inexpressible  indignation,  that  of  course  was  voice- 
less. I  left  my  table  immediately,  without  a  word  of  demur- 
ring, and  took  a  seat,  as  ordered,  by  the  side  of  this  fierce 
woman. 

About  this  time  all  our  rules  were  rendered  much  more 
severe  than  ever.  We  were  seldom  permitted  to  go  out  of 
the  house  at  all ;  some  were  never  allowed  to  go,  but  were 
kept  constantly  in  close  confinement.  These  were  harmless 
patients  too.  One  was  Miss  Plodson,  the  industrious  sewer 
that  I  spoke  of  in  the  Fifth  ward.  Rides  were  also  pro- 
hibited. The  balls  were  suspended,  and  only  a  very  few 
were  permitted  to  attend  the  chapel  services.  Company 
was  also  kept  out  of  our  ward  for  H  long  time.  We  were 


76  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

not  allowed  private  conference  with  each  other,  and  all  who 
did  not  render  instant  obedience  were  severely  punished. 
I  often  saw  Lizzy  Bonner  pull  patients  into  their  private 
rooms,  and  shut  the  door  after  them.  Then  I  would  hear  her 
beating  them,  and  the  latter  screaming,  and  in  a  choking 
stifled  voice  begging,  "  Oh,  don't  kill  me,  don't  kill  me."  I 
did  not  let  the  attendant  know  I  heard  this. 

This  was  indeed  a  "Reign  of  Terror!"  "  No  matter," 
thought  I,  "  so  that  it  proves  the  prelude  of  a  "  Revolution." 
A  revolution,  I  inferred,  could  not  but  make  our  prospects 
better,  since  I  could  hardly  imagine  how  they  could  be  worse. 
I  heard  and  saw  many  unmistakeable  portents  that  a  storm 
was  coming  of  an  unusual  character. 

One  patient  had  become  so  disgusted  with  life  under  such 
circumstances,  that  she  determined  to  destroy  it  by  starva- 
tion. She  had  been  a  long  time  in  close  confinement  in  her 
own  room  alone.  I  many  times  knew  that  Lizzy  was  using 
violence  upon  her  person,  throwing  her  heavily  upon  the 
floor.  She  persisted  in  her  resolve  on  suicide  till  she  became 
emaciated  almost  to  a  skeleton ;  for  many  weeks  taking 
neither  food  or  drink  except  by  force.  Her  resolution  thus 
to  die  was  at  last  overcome  by  fierce  pains  of  hunger.  She 
now  was  glad  to  eat,  and  a  terrible  reaction  ensued.  Her 
long  abstinence  had  made  her  so  fiercely  hungry  that  it 
seemed  she  would  devour  every  thing  she  could  reach.  After 
eating  as  much  as  was  assigned  to  the  rest,  she  would  clutch 
the  food  from  the  other  patients,  and  devour  it  with  the  most 
terrible  voracity.  But  all  were  glad  to  see  her  eat,  thinking 
she  had  now  abandoned  the  idea  of  suicide.  She  now  came 
constantly  to  the  table  with  the  rest,  and  behaved  so  mildly 
for  several  days  that  all  were  confirmed  in  the  hope  that  she 
might  yet  live  and  recover. 

One  day  at  dinner,  she  startled  every  one  at  the  tables,  by 
suddenly  seizing  a  knife  and  cutting  her  own  throat  !  Oh  I 
will  not  attempt  to  describe  the  terror  of  this  scene  !  -  The 
wound,  however,  was  not  so  deep  as  she  intended  to  make  it; 
the  knife  was  immediately  taken  from  her  bleeding  throat, 


REIGN  OF  TERROR  ENDED.  77 

and  she  was  led  to  her  room  and  again  put  into  a  straight- 
jacket  in  solitary  confinement.  But  no  one,  as  yet,  had  ever 
heard  her  speak  a  word  in  that  hall.  This  was  the  first  at- 
tempt at  suicide  I  had  seen  at  Jacksonville.  There  were 
many  others,  some  successful,  in  different  parts  of  the  house 
as  I  heard  by  attendants  and  others,  but  I  am  only  describing 
scenes  that  fell  under  my  awn  observation. 

Another  unfortunate  actually  threw  herself  from  a  high  un- 
barred window  in  the  work-room,  four  stories  from  the  ground, 
and  was  taken  up  dead  from  the  pavement.  She  had  been 
there  only  a  few  days,  and  it  appears  had  no  knowledge  of 
the  place.  I  saw  her  when  she  arrived,  she  was  mild  and 
gentle,  conversed  intelligently  of  her  husband,  and  of  the 
home  she  had  left ;  expressed  a  strong  desire  to  return  to  it 
again.  Every  thing  she  saw  seemed  so  very  strange  to  her, 
and  the  severe  restrictions  so  mysterious  to  her  frightened 
sensibilities,  she  thought  herself  in  a  worse  house  than  she  in- 
deed was,  if  such  a  thing  is  possible.  They  wanted  her  to 
increase  the  number  of  gratuitous  laborers  in  the  work-room; 
took  her  there,  and  required  her  to  go  to  work  with  the  rest. 
She  sat  down  and  looked  distressed,  at  last  rose  up  suddenly, 
exclaimed  with  a  voice  and  look  of  terror,  "  Oh,  what  kind 
of  a  place  have  they  brought  me  to  ?"  then  rushed  suddenly 
head  foremost  from  the  window,  into  eternity  1  Oh,  reign 
of  terror  1  reign  of  terror  I  1 


XIL 
Reign  of  Terror  ended.          ^ 

u  My  soul  be  on  thy  guard." 

Scenes  of  tumult  and  terror  now  so  frequently  succeeded 
each  other,  that  no  one  felt  that  life  was  safe.  With  nothing 
to  afford  hope, — no  avenues  to  the  world — no  amusements  to 
relieve  the  ever  thickening  horrors  of  such  a  destiny,  a  look 
of  fixed  discontent  now  sat  on  every  countenance.  Our  an- 


78  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

niversaries  came  and  left  us,  with  nothing  to  give  us  either 
joy  or  change,  except  a  slight  change  at  dinner. 

Thanksgiving  !  Oh  what  thrilling  memories  of  my  New 
England  life  were  awakened  by  the  arrival  of  this  brightest, 
best,  most  joyous  of  all  New  England  days  !  Oh  New  Eng- 
land !  when  will  these  charms,  engraven  on  my  deathless 
memory,  no  less  than  the  bold  and  glorious  pictures  of  thy 
rocks  and  hills  and  everlasting  mountains,  upon  my  fadeless 
vision, when  again  will  these  realizations  return  with  all  their 
golden  glories  unmarred  by  the  horrible  discord  of  these 
grating  locks  and  keys  ?  And  now  Thanksgiving  has  come 
and  gone,  but  the  tormenting  specters  evolved  by  busy 
memories  have  not  left  us  ! 

Winter  has  come,  yet  the  heart  sickness,  which  arose 
from  hope  deferred;  the  sense  of  utter  loneliness  which  clung 
to  every  aching  heart ;  the  utter  isolation  of  spirit,  the  slow 
wearing  away  and  undermining  of  every  tie  that  bound  us  to 
earthly  existence;  oh  this  it  was  that  made  up  the  deepest, 
darkest,  heaviest  gloom  of  that  cold  December,  the  saddest 
month  of  the  year.  Hour  after  hour  wore  away,  in  the  un- 
blest  monotony  of  that  dim,  shadowy  spectral  semblance  of 
life  I  Deeper  and  still  deeper  grew  the  sadness  on  the  many 
silent  faces  of  these  daughters  of  affliction.  They  were 
thinking,  thinking,  thinking. 

At  last  this  reverie  was  broken  by  the  loud  summons  of  the 
supper  bell,  which  announced  that  we  were  now  to  take  our 
last  meal  in  the  year.  We  once  more  congregated  around 
our  unsocial  board  ;  but  little  was  said  ;  yet  the  faces  of  all 
silently  but  eloquently  spoke  the  burning  thoughts  within. 
After  supper,  we  were  immediately  remanded  to  our  rooms, 
and  locked  up  as  usual,  to  spend  the  long  evening  as  best  we 
might,  in  darkness,  cold,  and  silence.  I  muffled  my  shawl 
around  me,  and  sat  several  hours  that  memorable  evening, 
brooding  over  the  mournful  past,  and  querying  vainly  of  the 
unprophetic  future.  The  bell  heavily  chimed  out  its  last 
hour  !  and  another  year  had  departed  forever. 

The  New  Year  came — the  New  Yearl   that  day  so  full  of 


EEIGN  OF  TERROR  ENDED  79 

inspiration  and  rejoicing  to  every  place  on  Christian  earth, 
outside  of  prison  walls  !  to  us  it  brought  only  a  protraction 
of  our  reign  of  terror  !  the  same  revolting  scenes  were  daily 
and  hourly  repeated  ;  the  same  restrictions,  the  same  ever- 
lasting espionage,  the  same  threats,  and  disgusting  horrors  1 

At  this  time,  one,  bolder  than  the  rest,  by  some  means  es- 
caped, and  attempted  to  run  away.  The  alarm  was  given, 
and  the  "watch-dogs"  were  out.  By  these  she  was  speedily 
overtaken,  forced  back  to  the  Asylum,  and  condemned  to 
solitary  confinement  as  her  punishment. 

Two  others  ran  away  not  long  after  this  scene.  One  was 
a  widow,  a  young  and  very  beautiful  lady  of  excellent  talents 
and  a  very  cheerful  disposition.  She  was  not  insane  as  I 
could  discover  at  the  time,  though  much  dejected  by  grief  for 
the  death  of  her  brave  and  much  loved  husband  who  had  died 
in  the  army.  Soon  after  hearing  this  afflictive  intelligence, 
she  became  ill  with  a  fever,  and  this  was  probably,  as  is  often 
the  case,  accompanied  with  temporary  delirium.  Her  friends, 
not  knowing  how  to  treat  either  the  fever  or  its  consequent 
delirium,  which  they  thought  insanity,  found  a  convenient 
way  of  getting  rid  of  their  responsibility,  by  handing  her 
over  to  the  care  of  "our  accomplished  Superintendent,"  to  re- 
ceive her  three  hundredth  share  of  his  attentions.  (There 
are  three  hundred  in  the  Asylum.) 

Here  it  had  been  her  destiny  to  remain  for  many  months ; 
and  feeling  very  anxious  for  the  welfare  of  her  children  at 
home,  and  moreover,  being  indefinitely  put  off  by  the  most 
silly  excuses,  and  reprehensible  delays,  she  at  last  assumed 
the  responsibility  of  asserting  those  rights,  which  nature  had 
given  her  of  finding  and  taking  care  of  her  own  babes. 

She  was  accompanied  by  a  kindred  spirit,  another  widow, 
whose  husband  had  also  laid  down  his  life  upon  our  bleeding 
country's  sacrificial  altar.  Neither  was  this  person  insane 
that  I  could  discover ;  I  believe  she  was  several  times  the 
subject  of  some  harmless  trances.  But  I  think  she  did  a 
very  sane  action  in  trying  to  free  herself  from  bondage. 
Their  plan  succeeded  so  well,  that,  after  traveling  six  miles, 


80  THE  PEISONEK'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

they  were  overtaken  by  a  kind  hearted  teamster,  who  by  the 
request  of  the  now  much  wearied  travelers,  took  them  into 
his  conveyance,  and  listening  sympathetically  to  their  truth- 
ful tale  of  distress,  carried  them  on  their  way  until  overtaken 
by  their  remorseless  pursuers. 

On  their  return,  one  of  these  was  sentenced  to  one  of  the 
lower  prison  wards,  and  the  other  brought  to  our  hall  in  the 
Eighth  ward.  Hers  was  a  most  courageous  spirit ;  she  even 
smiled  on  entering  our  hall,  determining  to  disappoint  her 
victorious  captors  by  showing  herself  unrevengeful,  and  in 
no  wise  bowed  in  spirit,  or  humiliated!  Therefore,  instead  of 
complaining  that  she  was  deprived  of  all  her  privileges  in  the 
privileged  Seventh  ward,  and  sentenced  to  the  noisy  tumults 
of  the  maniac's  ward,  she  daily  evinced  the  most  pleasant 
and  cheerful  deportment.  Mrs.  Davis  was  very  beautiful 
and  musical,  and  withal  a  decided  wit;  so  benevolent  too,  so 
unaffectedly  kind  that  she  would  often  relate  some  amusing 
story,  or  use  her  most  musical  and  enchanting  voice  by  sing- 
ing for  the  entertainment  of  the  desponding,  when  her  own 
heart  was  full  of  unutterable  sorrow  for  her  own  griefs.  If 
this  cheerful  and  most  noble-hearted  woman  was  "insane,"  I 
wish  every  woman  in  the  land  possessed  such  an  "insanity  !" 

But  with  all  her  heroic  attempts  to  throw  off  the  benumb- 
ing influence  of  affliction,  she  did  suffer  most  keenly  in  mind 
at  her  disappointment  in  not  being  permitted  to  see  her  dar- 
ling children.  This  feeling,  together  with  the  over-exhaus- 
tion of  so  long  a  walk,  soon  brought  on  a  fever.  I  used  every 
morning,  and  many  times  in  the  day  to  visit  her,  that  I  might 
assist  her  if  possible,  and  also  learn  from  her  those  beautiful 
lessons  taught  by  her  trusting  faith  and  hopefulness.  As  she 
lay,  day  after  day,  on  her  bed  of  suffering,  surrounded  by  the 
noisy  and  filthy,  of  whose  annoyances  I  never  knew  her  to 
complain,  I  had  never  beheld  a  more  perfect  example  of  pa- 
tience. But  I  burned  with  indignation  at  the  ignorance  of  a 
community,  in  the  very  country  her  husband  had  fought  and 
died  to  protect,  that  his  beloved  young  wife  could  not  her- 
self be  protected  from  such  shameful  abuses  as  those  she  suf- 
fered here. 


REIGN  OF  TERROR  ENDED.  81 

A  few  weeks  after  her  recovery,  she  went  home.  Could  she 
have  gone  at  the  time  she  had  started,  or  previously,  instead 
of  being  punished  in  prison  for  thus  braving  danger  for  the 
love  of  her  children,  she  might  have  escaped  the  fever.  Our 
reign  of  terror  augmented  to  such  a  degree,  that  I  did  not 
deem  it  safe  to  enter  the  dining  hall,  even  when  the  door 
was  left  open,  for  a  glass  of  water  for  the  suffering  Mrs. 
Davis,  without  humbly  asking  liberty  of  Lizzy  to  do  so ! 
We  all  felt  ourselves  hotly  pursued  by  the  enemy.  Only  the 
wild  and  reckless  scarcely  dared  to  breathe.  They  indeed, 
like  the  mad  Saul  of  Tarsus,  in  his  fruitless  attempts  to  de- 
stroy Christianity,  dared  to  "breathe  out  threatenings  and 
slaughter,"  not  against  Christ,  or  any  of  his  followers,  but 
against  our  Asylum  prison-keepers  and  their  abettors  in  the 
unjust  embodiment  of  State  Legislation  ! 

In  this  our  painful  emergency,  we  could  not  appeal  to  Dr. 
Tenny.  He  was  absent  on  some  mission,  and  we  had  long 
since  ceased  to  hope  for  the  least  assistance  from  any  other 
officer. 

At  every  opportunity,  we  banded  together  in  little  secret 
societies,  in  earnest,  agonizing  consultation.  One  proposed 
that  all  who  were  reliable  should  combine  together,  and 
when  the  attendants  were  out  of  sight,  and  the  Super- 
intendent in  the  hall,  we  should  unite  upon  an  agreed 
signal  in  an  attack  upon  himself.  We  were  to  form  around 
him;  then  one  of  the  strongest  in  our  number  was  to  confine 
his  mouth  by  her  hand,  to  keep  him  from  calling  for  aid; 
others,  on  each  side,  were  to  secure  his  limbs,  and  then  we 
were  to  demand  our  liberty  at  the  peril  of  his  life.  Several 
of  the  bolder  wished  at  once  to  act  upon  this  programme; 
others  objected;  so  we  decided  to  adjourn  for  further  consid- 
eration. At  our  next  meeting  the  infeasibility  of  this  plan 
was  eloquently  presented  by  one  of  the  speakers,  and  the 
final  fate  of  this  bill  was  to  be  unanimously  voted  down. 
We  knew  if  so  bold  a  scheme  should  fail  of  practical  success, 
we  should  be  subjected  to  the  most  fearful  tortures  as  punish- 
ments. 4A 


82  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

At  last  one  of  our  number,  a  very  intelligent  married  lady, 
discovered  after  much  painful  thought,  an  expedient  which 
did  much  to  alleviate  our  sufferings,  by  causing  to  be  essen- 
tially relaxed  the  fierce  discipline  to  which  we  were  sub- 
jected. Let  those  who  may  blame  us  for  acting  upon  this, 
remember  that  we  were  fighting  for  our  lives.  Compelled 
as  we  were  to  inhale  the  poisonous  gases  from  so  many  dis- 
eased bodies  while  sleeping  so  near  each  other,  and  the  still 
deadlier  exhalations  arising  from  typhoid  and  other  fevers, 
ulcerated  lungs,  and  fetid  sores,  all  confined  in  one  hall; 
we  felt,  that  between  the  above  influences,  and  the  sudden 
blows  and  violence  which  all  the  time  menaced  us,  by  the 
fierce  maniacs  and  their  fiercer  keeper,  that  our  lives  were 
most  essentially  imperilled.  Our  liberty,  even  the  liberty 
of  speech  and  writing  had  all  been  taken  away,  and  we 
wished  for  emancipation  from  this  inexorable  thraldom  with 
an  agony  of  desire  that  none  but  the  victims  of  such  a.  bon- 
dage can  ever  appreciate. 

The  proposition  now  under  consideration,  was,  that  we 
should  make  a  general  onslaught  or  campaign  against  the 
State's  property,  and  in  various  ways,  destroy  all  we  possibly 
could,  without  discovery.  Thus  we  should  make  apparent 
to  our  persecutor,  that  this  most  desperate  movement  was 
but  the  natural  and  legitimate  result  of  his  own  extreme 
severity  to  his  victims — that  it  was  the  complete  despera- 
tion of  our  circumstances  which  evolved  this  "military  ne- 
cessity.'' The  plan  was  presented  to  me  for  my  individual 
sanction — I  did  not  advise  the  measure  ;  always  maintaining 
that  it  was  better  to  suffer  than  to  do  wrong,  and  that  it  was 
wrong  to  waste  or  destroy  property;  that  I  did  not  believe 
in  doing  evil  that  good  might  come.  They  then  asked  me — 
as  I  did  not  see  fit  to  join  in  the  enterprise — if  I  intended  to 
expose  those  who  saw  fit  to  do  so.  "No,"  replied  I,"  depend 
on  my  honor;  I  do  not  advise  such  proceedings,  nor  will  I 
join  in  them;  yet  neither  will  I  betray  you,  whatever  injury 
you  may  inflict  upon  the  property  of  the  State,  provided  you 
will  be  sure,  in  your  depredations,  not  to  hurt  any  person." 


REIGN  OF  TERROR  ENDED.  83 

They  were  satisfied;  plans  were  now  all  arranged,  and  I  ob- 
served as  the  plot  thickened,  so  did  also  the  affected  tran- 
quillity on  the  faces  of  the  plotters  become  more  apparent. 

Sunday  was  the  day  this  military  strategy  reached  its  de- 
velopement  in  action.  The  attendant  went  to  church,  leav- 
ing but  a  slight  guard  in  her  place.  And  now,  when  unob- 
served, the  exploit  began — bed-comforters,  blankets,  and  nice 
expensive  bed-spreads  were  torn  into  long  narrow  strips,  and 
these  strips  dexterously  coiled  or  wound  up  on  the  finger, 
and  then,  one  by  one,  squeezed  into  little  openings  through 
some  of  the  ventilating  vacancies,  or  some  other  tight  place, 
whence  they  could  not  "  return  to  tell  the  tale."  Sheets, 
towels,  and  bed  ticks  followed  in  the  rear  of  destruction. 
Pillows  were  ripped  open,  and  their  contents  emptied  from 
the  window  in  a  brisk  gale  of  wind.  The  person  who  did 
this,  called  me  to  see  the  edifying  spectacle.  The  wind  was 
an  auxiliary,  and  so  scattered  the  feathers,  like  the  flakes  of 
a  coarse  snow  storm,  that  no  outsider  could  tell  from  which 
of  all  the  numerous  windows  the  rejected  feathers  were  cast 
out. 

When  our  attendant  reappeared,  as  she  gradually  discov- 
ered what  had  been  transpiring  in  her  luckless  absence,  it 
was  equal  to  a  theatrical  performance  to  witness. her  con- 
sternation. She  fluttered  around  from  room  to  room,  shaking 
her  ominous  keys,  and  slamming  the  doors,  as  she  vainly 
sought  to  discover  the  authors  of  the  "raid."  She  stormed 
and  raved;  then  raved  and  stormed,  and  threatened;  the  fury 
in  her  eye  indicating  that  she  was  longing  to  strike  some- 
body; but  alas,  on  this  emergency,  she  didn't  know  who  to 
strike,  the  most  vigilant  inquiries  she  was  able  to  make  only 
eliciting  that  nobody  knew  anything  about  it.  At  last,  she 
came  to  the  conclusion  as  she  vexatiously  expressed  it,  "  I 
believe  the  divil's  at  the  bottom  of  it  all." 

The  reply  elicited  by  this  remark  with  most'  provoking 
coolness  by  one  of  the  patients  was,  "You  must  be  right,  in 
your  conjecture  Lizzy ;  I  think,  undoubtedly,  that  the  devil 
is  indeed  at  the  bottom  of  it  all." 


84  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Poor  Lizzy  I  she  did  not  know  how  much  we  enjoyed  her 
distress  !  Monday  morning  came,  and  soap  was  in  requisi- 
tion. ''Where's  the  soap?"  roared  Lizzy,  but  no  one  deemed 
it  expedient  to  inform  her  that  its  use  had  been  misapplied, 
and  diverted  considerably  from  its  appropriate  function. 
Many  bars  had  mysteriously  disappeared;  and  this  reminds 
me  that  I  have  read  in  agricultural  papers  that  soap  suds 
when  mixed  with  other  enriching  substances  proves  an  ex- 
cellent fertilizer  1 

Respecting  the  fate  of  the  nice  new  blankets,  on  Lizzy's 
earnest  inquiry  of  the  very  person  who  destroyed  them,  the 
latter  very  gravely  informed  her  that  the  devil  appeared  to 
her  in  the  night  and  carried  them  away  !  Skeins  of  expen- 
sive sewing  silk,  and  spools  of  thread  next  vanished  mysteri- 
ously from  the  work-room,  and  were  found  tangled  up  in  in- 
extricable confusion.  "Spirits,"  were  accused  of  abducting 
them  away. 

One  day,  a  large  quantity  of  brooms  had  been  purchased, 
and  deposited  in  a  closet  connected  with  the  wash  room.  I 
once  saw  one  of  "  the  initiated"  go  to  these  brooms  with  a 
pair  of  scissors,  and  cut  the  strong  threads,  used  to  bind  the 
broom  together.  This  was  effected  so  adroitly,  that  nothing 
unusual  was  discovered,  and  broom  after  broom  was  made 
the  object  of  this  destructive  operation,  while  keen  eyes  were 
watching  to  be  sure  that  none  of  the  ". powers  that  be"  were 
in  sight.  At  last  the  mischief  was  completed  upon  the  un- 
resisting brooms,  with  no  sign  left  to  tell  the  tale.  But.  by 
all  the  observers,  who  in  those  watchful  days  were  not  few, 
it  was  noticed,  that  while  used  in  sweeping,  behold  these 
new  brooms  evinced  a  strong  disposition  to  scatter  themselves 
in  liberal  disintegrations  over  the  floor.  Some  remarked 
that  these  last  new  brooms  must  be  a  cheat, — were  very 
badly  made.  These  unfortunate  brooms,  thus  voted  below 
par,  I  fear  did  not  bring  much  credit  to  their  manufacturers, 
since,  without  living  out  half  their  days,  they  were  rapidly 
becoming  smaller  and  beautifully  less  until  quite  demolished. 
A  new  supply  was  soon  ordered,  but  whether  from  the  same 


REIGN  OF  TERROR  ENDED.  85 

establishment  as  were  their  unfortunate  predecessors,  depo- 
nent saith  not. 

After  the  completion  of  this  exploit,  an  attack  was  made 
upon  glass  and  crockery.  This  required  more  circumspec- 
tion, but  for  this  new  freak  of  madness,  there  was  on  hand  a 
new  method  !  In  order  to  give  the  destructive  smash  to 
these  doomed  articles,  they  would  take  opportunity,  either 
when  the  great  Asylum  bell  was  ringing,  or  when  some  of  the 
screamers  were  blowing  their  blast,  or  on  some  other  of  those 
noisy  occasions  which  so  frequently  occur,  and  then,  just  at 
the  right  signal,  the  deed  was  accomplished. 

In  this  manner,  windows,  looking  glasses  goblets,  and 
crockery,  were  dashed  upon  the  floor,  at  different  times,  on  all 
possible  safe  occasions.  Tea-spoons,  knives  and  forks,  were 
stealthily  taken  from  the  table,  and  thrown  out  of  the  win- 
dow ;  clothing  and  curtains  torn  and  mutilated,  doors  were 
smashed, cushions  opened, the  walls  were  scratched  and  strange 
literature  in  conspicuous  places  written  there  1  It  was  as- 
tonishing how  many  opportunities  they  had  in  which  to  effect 
their  plans,  in  triumphant  defiance  of  all  our  vigilant  guar- 
dians. Lizzy,  when  obliged  to  leave  the  hall,  would 
never  re-enter  stealthily,  to  give  us  a  horrible  and  ghastly 
surprise,  but  always  with  a  kind  of  flourish  of  trumpets,  that 
warned  us,  in  timely  season,  of  the  edifying  magnetism  of 
her  presence.  The  noisy  furor  of  her  ever  clattering  keys, 
and  the  clamorous  bang  of  the  great  ponderous  doors,  were 
of  the  character  of  those  ancient  trumpets,  which  certainly 
did  not  give  an  uncertain  sound  !  These  preliminary  cir- 
cumstances, always  accompanying  Lizzy's  advent,  were  very 
skilfully  turned  to  account  in  the  service  of  the  very  ones 
they  were  meant  to  intimidate,  giving  them  a  chance  to  leave 
the  scene  of  military  activity,  and  glide  quickly  to  a  remote 
part  of  the  hall.  There  they  would  assume  an  expression  of 
most  unedifying  ignorance,  as  though  the  very  possibility  of 
doing  mischief  were  as  foreign  from  their  minds,  as  the  thought 
of  "  thy  servant's  being  a  dog,  "  was  to  Hazael  of  an- 
tiquity. 


86  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LITE. 

These  events  kept  our  unfortunate  attendant  in  a  most  un- 
enviable condition  of  mental  derangement !  In  her  search 
for  the  authors  of  the  mischief,  she  at  last  applied  to  me. 
"This  mischief,"  said  she,  "  can't  all  go  on  without  your 
knowing  something  about  it.  I  know  you  can  tell,  if  you're 
a  mind  to  say;  do  you  know  who  broke  that  glass?"  "I  did 
not  break  it  myself,"  said  I,  "and  if  I  knew  who  did,  certainly 
should  not  report  them,  and  thus  subject  them  to  punishment. 
They  suffer  enough  now."  She  declined  questioning  me  fur- 
ther, and  pushed  her  researches  in  all  other  directions,  but 
with  no  better  success.  As  the  case  had  now  become  intol- 
erable, the  whole  proceeding  was  at  last  reported  to  the 
matron. 

She  received  the  intelligence  with  much  consternation. 
"This  will  never  do"  said  she,  "this  must  be  stopped  or  the  State 
will  find  it  out,  and  find  fault  with  us.  You  must  find  the 
guilty  ones,  and  have  them  sent  to  the  Fifth  ward."  Again 
I  was  questioned,  "Mrs.  McFarland,"  I  replied,  "I  do  know 
who  has  done  these  things,  but  do  not  intend  to  expose  them. 
I  would  sooner  be  sentenced  to  the  Fifth  ward  myself  than 
bring  such  a  doom  on  any  of  these  patients,  so  please  do  not 
question  me,  for  I  do  assure  you,  I  will  not  inform  against 
these  defenceless  sufferers."  She  importuned  me  no  further, 
bnt  ordered  all  the  attendants  to  keep  up  the  most  vigilant 
watch  over  all  our  motions.  This  was  done,  but  still  the 
disorders  continued  with  scarcely  any  abatement,  and  so 
adroitly  was  it  consummated,  that  not  the  slightest  clue 
could  be  obtained  to  these  mysterious  "under-ground  rail- 
road" operations.  I  saw  hundreds  of  dollars  worth  of  prop- 
erty destroyed,  but  did  not  I  also  daily  see  far  worse  sights 
in  the  destruction  of  health,  of  liberty,  of  reason,  of  life  and 
of  human  rights,  caused  directly  by  the  power  of  our  mis- 
guided State  over  the  helpless  victims  of  its  would  be  bene- 
ficence. I  could  not  remedy  these  far  more  deplorable  evils, 
therefore  the  existence  of  an  incomparably  smaller  evil,  the 
destruction  of  the  State's  property,  I  confess  gave  me  little 
uneasiness.  Dr.  McFarland  himself,  by  his  fierce  restrictions 


REIGN  OF  TERROR  ENDED.  87 

and  severities,  was  the  only  one  really  responsible  in  this 
case,  therefore  I  should  have  been  guilty  of  the  deepest  base- 
ness had  I  caused  his  helpless  victims  to  suffer  a  punishment 
which  I  felt  that  he  alone  deserved. 

It  was  discovered  at  last,  that  these  depredations  were 
committed  in  consequence  of  the  desperation  to  which  the 
sufferers  in  that  hall  were  reduced,  to  extreme  trials  caused 
by  the  tyranny  of  our  keeper  !  The  Doctor  saw  his  mistake 
in  drawing  our  reins  so  tightly,  and  fearing  they  might  snap 
entirely,  saw  it  for  his  own  interest  and  safety  to  relax  them. 
Orders  were  suddenly  given  that  walks  might  again  be  al- 
lowed, company  again  permitted  to  visit  us,  and  that  in  sev- 
eral other  particulars  more  lenity  should  be  shown.  Doctor 
Tenny  at  last  returned,  and  a  general  amnesty  ensued,  at 
least  we  felt  that  we  were  reinforced.  Hope  began  to  re- 
vive and  the  mischief  at  last  ceased. 

After  the  expiration  of  our  reign  of  terror,  the  leader  of 
the  mischief  confessed  it  herself  to  the  authorities,  and  promised 
voluntarily  that  she  would  do  nothing  more  of  the  kind. 
She  expressed  her  willingness  to  be  punished,  but  would  not 
expose  one  of  the  rest  to  share  her  fate.  If  a  particle  of  hu- 
manity had  been  alive  in  our  Superintendent,  he  would  at 
least,  have  put  her  upon  trial;  but  instead  of  a  pardon  or  a 
reprieve,  behold  a  straight-jacket  was  brought  with  impera- 
tive orders  that  it  be  put  upon  her,  and  she  forthwith  assigned 
to  the  Fifth  ward  !  One  of  the  patients  rushed  to  me,  with 
eyes  filled  with  tears,  and  told  me  of  this  fearful  decree.  I 
could  not  believe  it,  till  I  went  into  the  hall  and  saw  its  ex- 
ecution !  There  stood  Bonner,  extending  the  jacket,  while 
she  informed  the  victim  of  her  doom.  "We  expected  to  see 
resistance  and  one  of  the  terrible  staight-jacket  battles. 
But  this  heroic  woman  prevented  this  by  saying,  "  I  will  not 
resist  you,  I  will  go.  Don't  pinion  my  arms.  I  will  do  it  my 
self."  She  then  put  on  the  jacket  as  readily,  and  with  as 
much  apparent  cheerfulness  as  if  it  were  a  comfortable  gar- 
ment, instead  of  an  instrument  of  torture,  then  turned 
around  for  Lizzy  to  lace  it  up  behind.  Bidding  us  good-bye 


88  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

with  a  kind  and  cheerful  tone,  she  asked  us  to  pray  for  her, 
and  calmly  and  courageously  followed  her  attendant  to  her 
dreary  Fifth  ward  prison  ! 

I  have  read  of  Columbus  in  chains  before  the  monarchs  of 
Europe  ;  of  Socrates  in  prison  by  order  of  the  dignitaries 
of  ancient  Greece  ;  of  Luther  before  the  Diet  of  Worms, 
defending  in  the  face  of  the  world  the  principles  of  religious 
liberty;  of  Galileo  in  his  cold  prison  declaring,  "it  still  moves;" 
but  I  believe  the  heroism  of  these  martyrs  was  excelled  by 
that  of  this  most  noble  woman,  who  rather  than  expose  her 
fellows  to  punishment,  cheerfully  took  it  upon  herself,  know- 
ing well  that  a  doom  of  horror  there  awaited  her. 

Her  departure  caused  a  general  gloom  in  the  hall.  Her 
health  was  suffering,  and  we  feared  she  would  not  be  able  to 
survive  the  treatment,  and  the  deadly  malarious  atmosphere 
of  the  Fifth  ward.  In  a  few  days  she  became  very  sick  with 
fever,  and  having  no  proper  care,  she  lingered  several  weeks 
in  great  suffering.  She  expressed  a  wish  that  I  might  be  al- 
lowed to  visit  her,  but  this  of  course,  was  not  permitted. 
She  was  one  of  the  kindest  hearted  persons  I  ever  saw.  If 
some  of  our  modern  fashionable  Christians,  who  in  times  of  re-- 
vival  have  so  much  to  say  about  coming  out  from  the  world 
and  taking  up  the  cross,  would  visit  the  sufferers  of  that 
Fifth  ward,  they  would  there  learn  by  some  of  its  inmates, 
what  "coming  out  from  the  world  "  and  taking  up  the  "cross 
of  Christ  "  really  means. 

The  very  bold  measures  taken  by  this  heroine,  destructive 
to  property  as  they  were,  were  prompted  by  benevolence. 
This  was  not  her  first  attempt  at  redress.  She  had  reasoned 
and  remonstrated,  and  begged  and  implored  both  Doctor  and 
Mrs.  McFarland  that  they  would  show  mercy  and  lenity  to 
the  patients  in  their  care-.  She  had  in  my  hearing,  exhausted 
all  efforts  of  this  kind  that  could  be  applied,  before  she  coun- 
selled or  perpetrated  any  mischief  to  the  property  of  the 
State  ;  this  was  done  as  a  last  resort.  She  concluded  as  all 
other  means  had  failed,  she  could  scare  the  Doctor  into  milder 
measures,  and  indeed  suceeded  to  thus  procure  for  us  a  re- 


WIVES  AND  HUSBANDS.  89 

striction  of  severities,  and  a  much  more  ample  latitude  of 
privileges.  As  her  punishment  for  thus  benefitting  us,  it  was 
her  doom  to  languish  in,  that  revolting  purgatory  for  many 
weeks,  with  a  suffering  borne,  as  even  her  attendant  admitted, 
with  uncomplaining  patience  !  She  was  not  allowed  to  send 
any  intelligence  to  her  husband  who  was  all  this  time  kept 
in  ignorance  of  her  condition.  But  he  visited  her  at  last, 
and  had  the  good  sense  to  remove  her  at  once.  He  told  me 
he  should  never,  under  any  circumstances,  take  his  wife  to  a 
Lunatic  Asylum  again.  He  found  the  nice  little  sum  of 
fifty  dollars  charged  for  the  destruction  of  property  of  which 
I  have  spoken,  but  as  I  heard  Mrs.  McFarland  say,  he  said 
he  wouldn't  pay  a  cent.  Glad  of  it  1  If  our  State  is  willing 
its  property  should  be  wasted  in  that  way,  I  think  it  not  out 
of  place  to  let  the  hard  working  taxpayers  know  it. 


XIII. 
Wives  and  Husbands. 

"  Wives  and  husbands  there  must  part." 

Returning  from  a  walk  one  day  with  others,  I  observed, 
on  coming  up  the  long  flight  of  stairs,  a  scene  which  gave 
my  feelings  a  severe  shock.  The  attendant  evidently  did 
not  wish  us  to  see  this,  for  she  kept  hurrying  us  along  to  our 
hall,  but  the  circumstances  were  such  we  could  not  help  it. 
A  husband  who  that  morning  had  made  a  brief  visit  to  his 
wife,  was  then  taking  leave  of  her.  She  failed  to  recognise 
the  propriety  of  being  left,  and  wished  to  return  to  her  home 
with  her  husband.  She  entreated  him,  with  tears  that  ceased 
not  flowing,  to  let  her  go  home  and  see  her  children.  "  Oh 
husband  dear,  do  let  me  go  home  ;  I  don't  want  to  stay  here 
any  longer,  it  don't  do  me  any  good,  I  must  go,  0  I  must 
live  at  home  with  you  and  my  children.  Dear,  dear  husband, 
do  not  leave  me  here  !"  The  husband  hesitated,  looked  at 
her  streaming  tears,  then  at  the  door;  he  lingered;  there  was 


90 

an  evident  struggle  in  his  mind.  Perhaps  he  thought  of  his 
courtship  life,  of  all  her  youthful  charms  ere  her  toiling 
fidelity  to  him  had  faded  the  early  beauty  from  that  now  pale 
cheek  and  tear-dimmed  eye.  Perhaps  he  remembered  love's 
promises,  his  marriage  vow  of  everlasting  protection  and 
union  of  home  and  interests.  Perhaps  he  thought  of  God's 
injunction  "they  twain  shall  be  one,"  perhaps — ah !  I  know 
not  what  cogitations  were  in  his  mind.  The  agitated  wife 
perceiving  his  indecision,  seizing  the  advantage,  took  his  arm 
within  her  own,  and  embracing  him,  exclaimed  again,  in  tones 
of  agony,  "  0  husband,  I  must,  I  must  go  home  with  you,  do 
not,  do  not  leave  me  here  !" 

Several  of  the  officials  of  the  Asylum  were  standing  near, 
the  husband  had  evidently  been  receiving  instruction  from 
them  instead  of  his  own  conscience ;  then  with  one  violent 
effort,  he  disengaged  himself  from  the  trembling  grasp  of  the 
pleading  wife,  left  her  and  walked  hastily  down  the  stairs. 
In  her  anguish  she  sank  down  powerless  upon  the  floor,  and 
was  dragged  by  two  men,  still  gazing  after  her  husband's  re- 
ceding form,  to  all  the  horrors  of  locks,  keys,  and  imprison- 
ments ! 

We  all  returned  to  our  hall  in  sadness  and  silence,  the  at- 
tendant soon  left.  When  we  found  ourselves unwatched,  one 
said,  "  0,  how  could  that  man  have  the  heart  to  leave  her, 
when  she  so  begged  to  go  with  him?"  Another  replied,  that 
"  he  had  been  befooled  by  the  Doctor  who  had  told  him  it 
would  not  be  safe  to  take  her  home."  Said  a  third,  "what  a 
fool  a  man  must  be,  to  let  another  man  judge  between  him- 
self and  his  wife  !  he  ought  to  have  known  himself  whether 
she  should  have  gone  home.  If  he  wanted  to  go  and  attend 
to  his  affairs,  he  ought  to  have  considered  that  she  had  the 
same  right,  for  his  home  duties  and  her  own  were  the  same." 
Another  spoke  with  apparent  disgust,  in  her  turn,  to  the 
last  speaker.  "  Do  you  think  such  husbands  possess  the  fa- 
culty of  consideration  !  I  don't  agree  with  you,  it  appears 
to  me  that  all  their  own  consideration,  all  their  faculty  of  in- 
dependent thinking  has  become  weakened  if  not  destroyed 


WIVES  AND  HUSBANDS.  91 

when  they  give  up  to  the  stupid  prejudice  that  another  man 
can  better  guide  a  woman  than  her  own  husband  1"  Said 
another  voice,  "now  they  will  call  this  poor  woman  noisy 
and  excited,  say  it  hurts  her  to  have  her  friends  visit  her,  be- 
cause she  can  not  help  crying  and  grieving  about  his  leaving 
her  ;  then  they  will  put  her  down  into  a  lower  ward,  where 
of  course  she  will  grow  worse,  and  may  become  incurable. 
Yes,  this  is  the  way  they  do  here;  I  wish  the  public  knew  it." 

"  My  God  !"  echoed  yet  another  hitherto  silent  voice,  "  it 
makes  me  shudder  to  think  how  many  splendid  minds  are 
made  incurable  lunatics,  or  worried  into  a  sickness  which  ends 
in  death,  by  just  these  barbarous  means  !" 

At  this  stage  of  the  colloquy,  our  attendant  re-entered 
the  hall.  The  conversation  here  ended,  but  our  thoughts 
did  not  end.  The  stupid  thoughtlessness  with  which  a  hus- 
band can  commit  to  other  hands,  the  wife  of  his  bosom,  when 
distracted  or  enfeebled  in  body  or  mind,  is  utterly  unaccount- 
able. No  one  would  trust  a  valuable  horse  to  be  stabled 
without  knowing  something  of  the  treatment  he  would  be 
likely  to  receive.  "Would  you,  farmers,  commit  one  to 
strangers  of  whom  you  knew  nothing  beyond  the  fact  that 
they  are  public  stable-keepers  !  Would  you  send  even  a 
horse  to  a  stable,  and  permit  him  to  remain  for  months  and 
even  years  without  visiting,  or  at  least  sending  some  one  to 
visit  the  animal  !  Would  you  not  fear  he  might  be  cheated 
out  of  the  proper  quantity  of  oats  or  other  food — that  he 
might  be  exposed  to  contagious  diseases  from  other  horses  in 
his  vicinity,  or  that  in  some  way,  his  value  might  be  dimin- 
ished ?  Would  it  be  a  safe  experiment  thus  to  commit  even 
a  horse  to  the  mercy  of  fortuitous  influences?  How  is  it  then, 
that  you  give  less  care  to  your  tender  wife  ? 

Did  you  tell  her,  when  a  lover,  that  you  could  not  engage, 
in  all  future  circumstances,  to  give  her  as  much  attention  as 
your  animals  should  receive?  Was  it  among  your  lover's 
vows,  in  your  sacred  moonlight  rambles,  that  if  she  became 
insane ,  you  would  desert  her — that  you  would  love  and 
cherish  her,  and  share  her  destiny  "  till  death  us  do  part," 


92  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

on  condition  that  she  would  retain  her  youth  and  beauty  un- 
impaired; but  that,  if  these,  or  if  health  or  reason  should 
fail,  you  would  consign  her  to  some  other  man  ?  0,  no,  such 
was  not  your  sacred  vow!  What  did  you  promise  her?  I 
was  not  there  listening  under  the  hedgerow;  I  did  not  witness 
your  sacred  vows  before  marriage;  I  only  witness  how  you 
fulfil  them  afterwards  !  But  you  know  what  you  did  promise, 
and  she  knows,  and  God  knows. 


XIV. 
The  Insanity  of  Orthodoxy. 

"  A  guilty,  weak  and  helpless  worm." 

Another  lady  who  interested  me  much  was  a  Mrs.  Brown, 
who  belonged  to  a  peculiar  class  of  minds.  She  was  a  mel- 
ancholic. Her  insanity  consisted  in  an  excess  of  piety.  I 
do  not  mean  by  this  expression,  an  excess  of  Christian  prin- 
ciple, for  I  know  not  how  any  one  can  possess  the  calm,  self- 
balanced  and  benevolent  disposition  of  Jesus  in  excess. 
But  I  mean  an  excess  of  those  internal  emotions  that  an  erro- 
neous system  of  theology  had  taught  her  to  consider  essen 
tial  to  salvation.  She  was  a  victim  of  ultra  orthodoxy. 
Mrs.  Brown  was  able  to  converse  intelligently  on  all  other 
subjects  with  which  she  was  acquainted,  but  when  religion 
was  alluded  to,  she  would  be  filled  with  doubts  and  fears,  and 
overcome  with  the  most  distressing  apprehension  in  view  of 
the  sins  of  her  own  heart.  If  any  sins  were  cherished  there, 
nobody  I  think  outside  of  herself  had  discovered  it.  She 
was  a  pattern  of  the  strictest  honesty,  conscienstiousness  and 
fidelity,  and  very  affectionate  and  kind  to  every  one.  Never 
repining  or  complaining  of  her  own  sufferings,  but  ever  ready 
with  words  and  deeds  of  kindness  to  others,  she  had  become 
very  dear  to  me,  as  also  to  many  others.  Yet  this  most  ex- 
emplary person  looked  upon  herself  as  the  chief  of  sinners, 
and  upon  her  own  heart,  as  the  centre  and  nucleus  of  de- 


INSANITY  OF  ORTHODOXY.  93 

pravity  and  emnity  to  God  sufficient  to  justly  sink  her  soul 
to  everlasting  condemnation  !  Every  morning,  for  many 
•weeks,  she  would  come  to  my  door  and  rap;  then,  with  stream- 
ing tears  and  a  voice  trembling  with  a  sense  of  her  unworthi- 
ness,  would  entreat  me  to  pray  for  her,  and  to  say  something 
comforting  "to  strengthen  her  faith"  as  she  expressed  it.  She 
came  so  frequently  upon  these  errands,  that  I  confess  it 
sometimes  annoyed  me,  especially,  when  suffering,  as  I  often 
did,  from  headache. 

But  I  never  permitted  her  even  to  suspect  that  she  was 
troublesome,  fearing  it  would  increase  her  sense  of  her  over- 
whelming guilt  and  sins  of  heart  I  She  would  present  her 
requests  in  a  form  like  this,  "Do  you  think  there  can  be  any 
mercy  for  me  ?  Can  you  think  of  any  comforting  verse  in 
the  bible  that  will  apply  to  my  case  ?" 

"0,  yes,  Mrs.  Brown,  '  come  unto  me,  all  ye  that  labor 
and  are  heavy  laden,  and  I  will  give  you  rest — I  love  them 
that  love  me — and  those  that  seek  me  early  shall  find  me.'  " 

"  "Well,  but  can  you  suppose  that  such  an  unworthy  sinner 
as  I  love  God  ?" 

"  Certainly  you  do;  you  love  God  better  than  I  do,  and 
better  than  most  people,  else  you  would  not  care  whether 
you  pleased  him  or  not.  And  you  seek  him  early  too.  You 
are  up  every  morning  even  before  light,  and  before  you  are 
half  dressed  seeking  how  to  find  Christ,  even  of  poor  unwor- 
thy me.  Surely  you  love  God  and  seek  him  early  too,  there- 
fore it  is  clear  to  my  mind  that  these  comforting  passages  do 
apply  to  you  case." 

She  thanked  me,  smiled  through  her  tears,  and  returned  to 
her  own  room  to  dress  for  breakfast.  Similar  scenes  occurred 
every  morning,  only  less  and  less  easy  did  they  become  to 
me,  for,  as  she  expected  a  fresh  instalment  of  comfort,  in  the 
shape  of  another  new  verse,  I  sometimes  began  to  fear  that 
my  memory  would  be  exhaused  of  the  requisite  supply.  I 
one  day  said  to  her,  ''  Doctor  Tenny  is  a  good  Christian, 
and  some  of  the  attendants  here,  I  hope  are  so  too,  why  don't 
you  go  to  them  for  comfort — perhaps  they  could  more  readily 
reach  your  case  than  I  can." 


94 

She  hesitated,  then  said,  "0,  it  seems  as  if  you  understand 
me  better  than  they  do,  0,  you  are  certainly  going  to  heaven! 
but  I — "  here  she  broke  down  completely  and  wept  so  incon- 
solably,  that  I  determined  never  again  to  give  her  the 
slightest  repulse  whatever  my  own  condition  might  be.  The 
next  morning  before  I  had  had  time  to  quite  dress  myself,  she 
came  to  my  room  and  began  to  apologise  and  begged  to  know 
if  I  could  suggest  any  consolation  for  the  trials  of  mind  she 
had  suffered  all  night.  "  "When  thou  passest  through  the 
waters  I  will  be  with  thee,  the  mountains  shall  depart,  and 
the  hills  be  removed,  but  my  kindness  shall  not  depart  from 
thee."  At  another  time,  "  Fear  not,  for  I  am  thy  God." 

"Are  you  sure  this  is  for  me?"  she  queried  in  a  voice  of 
tremulous  agitation. 

"Perfectly  sure,  else  I  should  not  have  so  readily  thought 
of  it."  Again  she  went  away  rejoicing,  and  promised  by  my 
request,  to  apply  those  verses,  every  time  her  doubts  and 
fears  arose.  So  I  labored  with  her  daily,  and  found,  weary- 
ing as  this  often  was,  in  my  weak  health,  that  it  afforded 
much  benefit  to  me.  It  partially  diverted  my  mind  from  my 
own  sorrows  to  see  others  with  far  more  distressing  woes  than 
my  own.  I  did  not  expect  to  be  punished  in  an  eternal  hell 
after  death,  while  this  poor  sufferer  did.  So  I  could  not 
help  trying  all  possible  ways  to  relieve  such  apprehensions. 

On  one  occasion,  when  this  afflicted  woman  seemed  unusu- 
ally cast  down  with  her  imaginary  bundle  of  sin,  I  said  to 
her,  as  I  saw  her  approaching  "  0,  Mrs.  Brown,  let  not  your 
heart  be  troubled."  "  Our  light  affliction,  etc." 

"Did  that  verse  come  to  you  for  me?"  she  eagerly  asked. 

"  Certainly,  it  came  right  into  my  mind  just  for  you,  for  I 
thought  of  it  the  instant  I  saw  you.  And  now  every  day,  so 
soon  as  I  see  you  coming,  I  think  of  some  similar  verse  ;  it 
comes  without  studying  for  it."  This  last  was  an  essential 
point  with  her,  as  she  construed  it  into  an  evidence  of  her  ac- 
ceptance. 

After  a  while,  her  visits  became  more  frequent;  she  would 
several  times  a  day  obtain  permission  of  her  attendant  to 


INSANITY  OF  ORTHODOXY.  95 

come  into  our  hall  on  these  errands.  Sometimes  she  would 
come  to  my  door  and  linger  and  hesitate,  as  if  fearful  of  be- 
ing annoying;  if  I  did  not  anticipate  her  wishes,  she  would 
say,  "  You  know  what  I  want,  can't  you  give  me  a  little  con- 
solation ?"  I  was  often  put  to  my  wit's  end  to  do  this,  yet, 
as  I  did  not  mean  that  any  impediment  shonld  baffle  me  in 
my  thorough  investigation  of  the  philosophy  of  insanity  and 
of  its  cure  also,  I  tried  again,  this  time  changing  my  tactics 
somewhat.  I  once  said  to  her,  "Mrs.  Brown,  you  are  de- 
ceived respecting  me  ;  I  am  far  from  being  so  good  a  Chris- 
tian as  you  suppose.  Now  let  me  tell  you  of  my  condition. 
I  am  a  poor  miserable  sinner,  you  can  not  imagine  what  a 
sinner  I  have  beon  at  home,  and  how  terribly  sinful  my  heart 
is  here,  only  I  have  not  the  power  to  act  it  out.  Why  I  be- 
have so  badly  at  home,  that  my  poor  husband  can  not  live 
with  me,  and  I  trouble  my  other  friends  so  much,  that  they 
cannot  endure  my  society  either.  Now  do  you  think  there 
can  be  any  mercy  for  such  a  sinner  as  I  am,  Mrs.  Brown." 

She  forgot  her  own  enormous  load  of  guilt,  and  stared  at 
me  with  the  utmost  astonishment.  This  diverted  her  mind, 
and  this  was  just  what  I  wished  to  do.  Then,  having  fairly 
aroused  her  curiosity,  I  went  on  describing  the  longest  and 
most  terrible  catalogue  of  short-comings,  back-slidings  and 
coldness  in  duty,  all  terrible  sins  to  her,  that  I  could  possibly 
make  out  against  myself,  and  wound  up  the  tale  by  asking 
her  again  if  she  thought  it  possible  that  I  could  ever  be  for- 
given ! 

She  hardly  knew  what  to  say;  but  I  found  to  my  great 
pleasure,  that,  before  we  had  finished  this  colloquy,  she  was 
actually  suggesting  consolation  to  me  ! 

Now,  I  mentally  soliloquized,  if  these  methods,  instead 
of  the  Lunatic  Asylum  system  of  compulsory  obedience, 
fearful  punishments,  and  unreasonable  restrictions,  oould  be 
allowed  to  prevail;  that  is,  if  a  system  could  be  devised  by 
which  the  minds  of  the  patients  could  be  diverted  from  their 
own  insane  ideas,  by  calling  to  aid  other  and  long  dormant 
faculties  of  mind,  the  result  must  be  that  a  new  channel  of 


96  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

thought  would  be  awakened,  and  by  this  process  being  per 
severingly  applied,  the  insane  ideas  would  be  starved  out  for 
want  of  any  thing  to  feed  them,  and  the  new  process  of 
thought  thus  brought  to  bear  upon  demented  intellect,  would 
in  short,  cure  insanity !  This  was  my  theory,  and  I  acted 
upon  it  successfully  in  every  case,  so  far  as  I  had  the 
power. 

But  I  noticed  with  pain,  that  whenever  it  was  discovered 
that  I  was  trying  experiments  so  contrary  to  their  own,  they 
would  invariably  interfere,  and  thus  my  attempts  were  frus- 
trated. 

One  day,  when  the  gentle  and  pious  mind  of  Mrs.  Brown 
had  been  greatly  distressed  by  being  compelled  to  witness 
the  terrible  scenes  of  abuse  and  oppression  so  constant  there, 
she  came  to  me  with  her  griefs.  She  made  no  complaint  of 
the  abuse  to  which  she  was  witness,  but  was  suffering  much 
under  a  fresh  exhibition  of  the  sins  of  her  own  rebellious 
heart.  "My  grace  is  sufficient  for  thee,"  said  I,  "  blessed  are 
the  poor  in  spirit  for  they  shall  be  comforted.  Don't  you  think 
these  are  comforting  words  Mrs.  Brown?" 

"  0,  yes,  if  they  only  applied  to  me  how  can  you  be  cer- 
tain that  they  dc  ?" 

"Every  good  and  every  perfect  gift  is  from  above,"  I  re- 
plied; now  a  good  thought  is  a  good  gift,  so  that  proves  it  is 
from  God;  and  it  is  for  you,  I  know,  because  it  came  to  me 
the  moment  I  saw  you.  Now  I  am  impressed  from  the  same 
good  Spirit  to  tell  you  that  you  must  be  happy  all  day,  on 
the  basis  of  these  consoling  verses  sent  so  directly  to  you. 
You  must  not  suffer  yourself  again  to  sink  down  into  the 
Slough  of  Despond. 

She  would  always  express  gratitude  and  go  away  in  smiles, 
or  at  least  with  a  very  comfortable  degree  of  tranquility.  I 
have  not  the  slightest  doubt  that  I  could  have  seen  much 
more  perfected  fruits  of  my  theory  of  curing  insanity  exem- 
plified, could  I  have  been  allowed  to  prosecute  my  scheme, 
uninterrupted  by  the  conflicting  system  of  the  Superinten- 
dent. Yet  disturbed  as  I  was,  there  occurred  daily  sufficient 


HOW  TO  MAKE  INCURABLES.  97 

to  convince  me  that  reason  is  better  than  authority  applied 
to  minds  already  groaning  under  an  overdose  of  the  latter, 
while  the  former  has  been  sadly  wanting. 

Now  I  wish  to  ask  what  in  the  terrible  discipline  to  which 
Mrs.  Brown,  was  subjected,  was  calculated  to  erase  from  her 
mind  these  dread  forebodings  ?  I  believe  its  tendency  was 
to  confirm  them,  for  she  evidently  looked  upon  the  revolting 
scenes  surrounding  her,  in  contrast  with  the  abundance, 
peace  and  comfort  of  the  dear  home  she  had  left,  as  the  just 
deserts  of  her  terrible  sins.  She  often  said  she  deserved 
nothing  better,  and  had  no  reason  to  complain 


XT. 
How  to  make  Incurables. 

"  I  have  battled  with  my  agony." 

One  day  a  patient  received  a  letter  from  her  aged  mother, 
in  which  the  latter  entreated  her  to  write.  "Let  me  know" 
wrote  the  mother,  "without  delay,  if  you  are  alive.  I  hardly 
know  if  I  have  a  daughter,  it  is  so  long  since  I  have  heard 
from  you." 

The  daughter  addressed,  showed  this  letter  to  me,  and  with 
overflowing  tears,  besought  me  to  use  my  influence  with  the 
Superintendent,  that  she  might  be  permitted  to  answer  this 
letter.  I  told  her  I  had  no  influence  whatever  with  the 
Superintendent,  but  would  try  to  procure  the  consent  of 
Doctor  Tenny  to  let  her  write.  I  also  exhorted  her  to  be 
watchful  over  her  own  conduct,  and  try  to  control  the  occa- 
sional vagaries  of  her  mind;  in  short,  to  use  every  possible 
endeavor  to  preserve  her  sanity  and  her  patience.  She  made 
the  most  commendable  attempts  to  do  this  for  several  weeks, 
and  my  hopes  were  sanguine  respecting  her.  I  first  saw  her 
in  the  Fifth  ward.  She  was  walking  the  hall,  pale,  haggard, 
hopeless,  and  constantly  biting  the  ends  of  her  fingers.  Her 


US  THE  PRISONERS  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

dress  was  ragged,  her  hair  uncombed,  and  her  whole  appear- 
a.nce  indicated  a  mind  on  the  verge  of  despair. 

In  this  condition  I  first  tried  to  open  to  her  the  avenues  of 
hope.  In  the  absence  of  our  attendant,  at  stealthy  conver- 
sations, I  discovered  that  she  possessed  excellent  talents, 
was  a  good  scholar,  and  had  formerly  moved  in  an  elevated 
sphere  of  life.  She  was  the  only  daughter  of  a  physician; 
had  in  early  life  married  a  man  of  wealth  and  ambition,  with 
whom  she  had  lived  happily  for  several  years,  and  who  had 
loaded  her  with  comforts  and  luxuries.  Subsequently,  the 
tide  of  her  fortune  was  reversed ;  misfortune  came  with 
swift  and  heavy  shocks,  upon  her  devoted  head.  Her  affec- 
tionate father  was  laid  in  the  grave.  She  lost  her  husband, 
to  whom  she  was  most  tenderly  attached,  by  the  most  terrible 
of  all  deaths,  the  death  of  his  affections  to  herself. 

Won  by  the  fascinations  of  another,  in  an  evil  hour,  he  had 
deserted  her  forever,  leaving  three  helpless  babes  upon  her 
care,  with  no  means  of  support.  One  by  one  these  lovely 
children  had  all  been  laid  in  their  graves,  and  the  mother  was 
left  in  the  terrible  loneliness  of  the  heart's  deepest  desola- 
tion. No  wonder  the  energies  of  her  mind  at  last  gave  way; 
that  the  haunting  images  of  her  heart's  lost  treasures  were 
ever  before  her  eyes.  Her  health  sunk,  she  was  unable 
longer  to  combat  successfully  the  tide  of  her  terrible  calami- 
ties. In  this  crisis,  her  own  brother,  instead  of  being  her 
comforter,  blamed  her  for  not  retaining  the  perfection  of  her 
energies,  and  turned  against  her  in  the  most  heartless  manner. 
She  now  became  unable  longer  to  baffle  adversity,  and  having 
no  pecuniary  resources  left,  was  reduced  to  the  necessity  of 
accepting  a  home  in  a  miserable  county  alms-house.  Some 
time  after  leaving  the  "Asylum,"  I  went  into  the  vicinity 
where  these  events  occurred,  and  after  diligently  inquiring, 
found  all  the  statements  of  her  history  she  had  made  to  me, 
corroborated. 

In  my  first  interview  with  her,  observing  how  she  had  lac- 
erated her  fingers  by  constantly  gnawing  them,  in  her  agony 
of  mind,  I  suggested  "now  let  me  wrap  up  your  fingers,  and 


HOW  TO  MAKE  INCURABLES.  99 

I  want  yon  to  promise  me  not  again  to  put  them  in  your 
mouth.  Will  you  solemnly  promise  this,  and  keep  your 
word  ?"  She  complied,  and  I  soon  procured  some  rags,  and 
bound  up  her  bleeding  fingers. 

"  Now,"  said  she,   "  I  want  you  to  make  a  promise  to 
me." 

"  What  is  it?"  said  I,  "  most  happy  should  I  be  to  do  any- 
thing possible  to  relieve  your  condition." 

"  0,  promise  me,"  she  entreated  with  earnest  emphasis, 
"  that  you  will  never  speak  to  me,  nor  take  the  least  notice 
of  me  in  the  presence  of  Lizzy  Bonner." 

"  Why  should  I  promise  this  ?  you  possess  an  intelligent 
mind,  an  immortal  soul,  you  have  been  a  great  sufferer,  and 
still  remain  so.  I  dislike  to  treat  you  with  disrespect  or  neg- 
lect in  the  presence  of  any  one." 

"  If  Lizzy  sees  you  trying  to  make  me  happy,  she  will  feel 
reproved  because  she  has  never  done  so  herself.  She  will 
hate  and  ill  treat  you  worse  than  she  does  now;  and  more 
than  that,  she  will  separate  us,  and  thus  deprive  you  of  all 
opportunity  to  carry  out  your  kind  intentions  respecting 
me." 

I  saw  in  this  response,  so  much  sanity,  and  gratitude;  so 
much  in  her  mind  worth  cultivating,  that  it  confirmed  my  de- 
termination to  benefit  this  most  deeply  suffering  woman  if 
possible. 

I  can  not  here  recount  the  experiments  I  tried,  to  aid  her 
in  bringing  back  to  its  full  triumph,  her  wavering  reason  and 
self-control.  My  success  astonished  myself;  I  felt  almost 
certain  she  would  recover.  Respecting  the  letter  Mrs.  G — 
so  earnestly  wished  to  write  to  her  mother  ;  with  much  dif- 
ficulty, I  had  procured  a  sheet  of  paper  for  my  own  use; 
this  she  begged  of  me,  and  wrote  upon  it  a  very  sensible 
and  affectionate  letter  to  her  mother.  No  fault  was  found  with 
the  "Asylum,"  or  with  the  fact  of  her  long  sufferings  there, 
but  she  gave  the  idea  that  though  she  had  been  much  disor- 
dered in  mind,  she  hoped  she  was  now  improving ;  that  she 
trusted  she  had  acquired  a  good  degree  of  self-control,  and 


100  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

thought  she  could  now  return  to  her  mother  and  make  both 
happy.  Doctor  McFarland  soon  after  appeared  in  the  hall. 
Leading  Mrs.  G to  him,  I  ventured  to  say,  in  a  very  re- 
spectful tone,  "  Doctor  McParland,  I  am  happy  to  believe 
this  person  now  fully  clothed  in  her  right  mind.  She  has  de- 
sired me  to  present  a  request  to  you,  in  behalf  of  herself  and 
her  mother,  but  I  think  her  better  capable  of  stating  her  own 
request,  if  you  will  please  to  listen  to  it."  I  then  withdrew 
a  little. 

Mrs.  G modestly  advanced,  and  said  in  a  very  defer- 
ential tone,  "  0,  Doctor  dear,  will  you  please  be  so  very 
kind  as  to  let  me  send  this  letter  to  my  poor  feeble  mother, 
if  after  having  read  it,  you  think  it  proper.  She  is  now  get- 
ting quite  old,  and  I  am  afraid,  may  not  live  the  coming  win- 
ter through.  I  have  caused  her  much  grief,  and  now  if  I 
could  only  be  with  her,  I  do  think  I  could  do  much  to  make 
her  happy.  Please  Doctor,  grant  my  request,  and  I  will  be 
grateful  to  you  as  long  as  I  live." 

The  Doctor  barely  deigned  to  hear  this  humble  supplica- 
tion, then  turned  his  back,  without  a  word,  and  left  the  hall. 
I  had  so  often  witnessed  such  replies  to  similar  appeals,  that 
I  felt  not  the  least  surprise,  but  I  much  feared  the  effect  of 
such  a  repulse  upon  the  sensitive  mind  of  his  patient.  She  . 
had  for  several  weeks,  been  making  the  most  energetic  effort 
to  govern  her  own  mind.  She  had  struggled  nobly  and  suc- 
cessfully to  repress  the  natural  rising  of  indignation,  when 
she  had  been  abused  by  her  keepers,  tasked,  beaten  and  re- 
proached for  not  being  able  to  quite  fulfil  the  severe  exac- 
tions in  the  toiling  drudgeries  every  day  assigned  to  her. 
With  unrepining  patience,  this  child  of  grief  had  borne  all 
these  indignities,  supported  by  the  hope  that  she  should 
again  taste  the  sweets  of  liberty  and  affection  with  her  be- 
loved mother.  I  had  watched  with  the  greatest  pleasure, 
the  progress  she  was  making  in  the  few  hours  of  leisure  that 
were  allowed  her  in  reading  and  needle-work.  But  now,  a 
shock  too  great  for  her  to  sustain,  was  given  by  the  Doctor's 
most  heartless  repulse. 


HOW  TO  MAKE  INCURABLES.  101 

A  few  days  subsequent,  a  marked  change  for  the  worse 
came  visibly  over  her  mind  and  manners.  She  saw  how  fruit- 
less were  all  the  efforts  she  had  been  able  to  make  for  her 
own  recovery,  and  again  sunk  into  gloomy  discouragement. 
She  now  laid  aside  her  needle  and  her  "Book,  neglected  her 
personal  appearance,  began  to  pace  the  hall  in  morose  silence, 
tearing  little  bits  of  paper,  and  again  biting  her  fingers.  In 
vain  I  remonstrated  ;  in  vain  attempted  to  rally  the  now  de- 
parting gleams  of  reason.  She  seemed  to  have  a  perfect 
consciousness  of  her  own  peril ;  indeed  told  me  she  knew 
she  was  on  the  road  to  destruction.  I  sought  in  every  way 
I  could  think  of  to  divert  her  mind,  urged  her  by  every  pos- 
sible motive  to  try  to  recall  hope,  and  still  cultivate  pa- 
tience. 

"  No,  no,  it  is  all  in  vain,"  said  she,  with  a  look  of  tear- 
less despair.  "You  can  not  raise  me,  so  little  power  as  you 
have  here.  They  keep  me  working  most  of  the  time  in  the 
wash  and  ironing  rooms,  I've  made  up  my  mind  now,  that 
they  mean  to  keep  me  here  forever,  I  shall  never  see  my 
mother  any  more  ;  never  again  know  the  joy  of  liberty.  0, 
I  wish  I  was  dead." 

Her  descent  was  rapid ;  a  short  time  after,  she  tore  to 
shreds  every  article  of  clothing  upon  her  person.  Her  at- 
tendant put  her  at  once  into  solitary  confinement.  This  did 
not  mend  the  matter,  she  broke  the  glass,  mutilated  the  furni- 
ture, broke  the  crockery  in  her  room  and  with  the  sharp  frag- 
ments attacked  her  attendant,  and  wounded  her  severely  in 
the  arm.  Lizzy  quickly  locked  her  door  and  ran  to  me, 
holding  up  her  bleeding  arm,  requesting  me  to  bind  it  up  for 
her.  I  did  so,  but  pitied  her  victim,  more  than  herself.  As 

soon  as  she  dared,  she  again  opened  the  door  of  Mrs.  G 

and  called  me  to  look  at  the  scence.  0,  what  a  specta- 
cle !  Never  saw  I  more  complete  debasement  1  or  more 
perfect  abandonment  of  all  decency  in  human  conduct !  She 
was  shouting,  swinging  her  arms,  laughing  triumphantly  and 
horribly;  swearing,  dancing  and  screaming  alternately.  She 
was  led  to  the  wash-room,  beaten  and  washed,  then  straight- 


102  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

jacketed  and  tightly  bound  by  cords  to  a  stationary  bench, 
in  the  public  hall.  While  sitting  here  upon  the  bare  floor, 
she  kept  constantly  uttering  the  most  profane,  blasphemous 
expressions  against  herself  and  all  around  her,  against  God 
and  nature,  heaven  and  the  universe  1  The  young  patients 
stared  in  perfect  horror  at  her  terrible  transformation.  Her 
words  rolled  in  perfect  torrents  from  her  mouth  so  long  as 
she  had  power  of  utterance.  Then  she  foamed  at  the  mouth, 
which  was  followed  by  gesticulations  and  motions  so  inde- 
cent, as  to  forbid  all  attemps  at  description.  She  became  so 
intolerable,  that  every  patient  left  that  part  of  the  hall,  and 
huddled  back  into  the  remotest  places,  unable  longer  to  en- 
dure her  vicinity.  Her  room  was  close  to  my  own.  Her 
nights  like  her  days,  were  spent  in  raving  and  shouting,  "0, 
curses,  curses  on  Dr.  McFarland  1  O,  my  mother,  my  mother  1 
0,  my  ruin  1  my  ruin  I  etc." 

These  were  the  noises  with  which  I  was  tormented  all  the 
long  hours  of  those  terrible  nights  !  Again  I  feared  for  the 
continuance  of  my  own  sanity,  so  almost  impossible  was  it  to  ob- 
tain any  sleep.  Every  particle  of  decency  and  of  humanity 
now  seemed  to  have  forsaken  my  once  hopeful  friend.  Her 
countenance  in  its  contortions  had  wrought  out  of  itself  al- 
most every  human  feature.  It  was  remarked  by  one  of  the 
patients,  that  she  now  looked  more  like  a  baboon  than  like  a 
human  being.  In  a  few  days,  she  was  removed  to  the  Fifth 
ward.  She  is  doubtless  now,  if  living,  ranked  among  those 
who  have  by  such  a  process  been  manufactured  into  incura- 
bles. 


XYL 
Departure  of  Mrs.  Packard. 

"  The  higher  law  defies  all  feebler  claims." 

The  limits  of  this  book  have  been  such  as  to  exclude  a  de- 
tail of  many  scenes  of  most  thrilling  interest.  Among 
these  were  the  arrival  and  departure  of  patients.  I  invaria- 


DEPARTURE  OF  MRS.  PACKARD.         103 

bly  observed  that  the  accession  of  a  new  one  caused  a  feeling 
of  universal  distress  to  the  initiated.  "Poor  soul!"  they 
would  often  exclaim,  "she  little  knows  what  she  must  suffer 
before  she  leaves  this  building  !  "  The  most  stirring  events 
connected  with  the  departure  of  patients,  were  evolved  by 
that  of  Mrs.  Packard. 

As  the  circumstances  of  her  leaving  have  already  been 
given  to  the  public  in  her  own  most  interesting  book,  "  Three 
Years  Imprisonment,"  I  need  not  repeat  themhere.  But  there 
were  some  things  of  which  she  could  not  inform  the  public, 
not  having  witnessed  them. 

Her  departure  elicited  a  deep  interest  both  among  the  sane, 
and  the  insane.  Every  motion  made  that  had  a  bearing  on 
the  subject  became  a  theme  of  animated  discussion.  "Will 
she  really  leave  us  now  ?  will,  they  force  her  to  leave  before 
she  wishes  ?  will  her  husband  come  and  force  her  into  an- 
other prison?"  were  questions  that  echoed  from  hall  to  hall. 

That  the  machinations  of  her  powerful  enemies  might  be 
defeated,  and  her  own  ardent  wishes  for  liberty  granted,  was 
the  spontaneous  prayer  of  all  her  Christian  fellow  sufferers 
there. 

I  have  not  yet,  told  my  readers,  what  may  now  be  proper 
to  mention  about,  a  new  commandment,  that  Mrs.  Packard 
and  myself  had  some  weeks  before  received.  It  could  not 
be  called  a  rule  of  the  institution,  since  it  affected  none  but 
ourselves.  It  was  a  new  commandment,  manufactured  as  the 
result  of  a  discussion  between  McFarland  and  the  prime-min- 
ister, Lizzy  Bonner  !  It  was  this  :  "  Mrs.  Packard  and  Mrs. 
Olsen  are  no  longer  to  be  permitted  to  speak  together." 

This  cruel  law  we  obeyed,  being  determined  that  they 
should  have  no  ground  whatever  to  stand  upon  in  case  they 
undertook  in  future,  to  base  any  accusation  against  either 
our  deportment  or  our  sanity.  Indeed  we  were  "stubbornly 
obedient,"  as  was  once  remarked  by  one  who  noticed  the  in- 
stant alacrity  with  which  we  both  invariably  obeyed  McFar- 
land's  mandates,  and  from  our  respective  halls,  we  daily  met 
at  our  meals  in  the  dining-hall,  without  exchanging  a  word 


104:  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN   LIFE. 

or  even  bowing  to  each  other.  Thus,  as  all  must  see,  we 
were  compelled  to  violate  good  manners.  Therefore  the  ad- 
vocates of  Lunatic  Asylums  must  also  carry  on  a  war  against 
good  manners  as  well  as  against  all  the  principles  of  religion 
and  morality ! 

Had  Mrs.  Packard  and  my  humble  self  been  guilty  of  de- 
vising "  treason, stratagems,  and  spoils,"  in  our  mutual  con- 
versations, there  would  have  been  some  justice  in  this  pro- 
cedure. But  as  our  conversation  was  such  as  could  result  in 
harm  to  no  one,  and  was  a  great  solace  to  ourselves,  we  could 
not  resist  the  conviction  that  such  a  restriction  was  but  an 
unmasked  exhibition  of  pure  tyranny. 

But  our  vigilant  Superintendent  forgot  to  make  a  law  or 
even  "  a  new  commandment,"  that  we  should  not  write  to 
each  other.  He  had  evidently  neglected  to  study  the  motto 
of  my  present  chapter  respecting  "  the  higher  law  laughing 
at  jurisprudence  and  restraint  "  so,  thanks  to  his  forgetful- 
ness  !  we  now  applied  "the  higher  law"  for  our  own  benefit; 
this  we  could  do  without  breaking  our  promise  not  to  break 
his  lower  law. 

To  me  it  was  a  source  of  great  consolation  to  read  the 
tender  and  thrilling  letters  she  wrote  to  me,  in  these  our  days 
of  trial.  Our  mutual  letters  were  conveyed  clandestinely 
of  course.  I  often  sent  mine  concealed  in  a  boquet  of  flowers, 
which  by  special  address  I  could  occasionally  beg.  At  other 
times,  I  would  adroitly  throw  my  letters  before  her  path,  as 
she  was  passing  to  and  from  her  meals.  We  never  took  the 
least  pains  to  conceal  this  from  the  patients  knowing  they 
would  not  betray  us. 

Truly  "the  way  of  transgressors  is  hard,''  besides  being  re- 
markably unsuccessful.  For  this  tyranical  commandment 
did  not  succeed  in  harming  us,  as  was  intended. 

The  time  had  now  come  when  the  great  question  was  to  be 
settled  respecting  the  removal  of  our  friend  from  the  "  Asy- 
lum." This  decision  was  officially  announced  in  our  hall  by 
Mrs.  McFarland,  in  reply  to  eager  inquiries.  "  Yes,  Mrs. 
Packard  is  to  leave  here  to-morrow  morning,  whether  she  in- 


DEPARTURE  OF  MRS.  PACKARD  105 

tends  it  or  not.  Her  trunk  is  already  packed."  No  flash  of 
lightning  then  came  gleaming  into  our  window  ;  no  clap  of 
thunder  broke  our  meditations  ;  nor  did  an  earthquake  rock 
the  ground  our  house  was  built  upon;  yet  if  all  these  phe- 
nomena had  really  happened,  I  hardly  think  the  excitement 
could  have  been  greater.  The  raving  actually  forgot  to  rave  ; 
the  swearers  were  held  in  dumb  suspense,  even  the  scarred 
victims  of  despair  looked  up  from  their  blood-shot  eyes  1 
The  exclamations,  discussions,  questions  that  for  several 
hours  took  precedence  of  every  other  commotion,  I  can  not 
describe.  There  was  joy  indeed  with  two  or  three  of  the  at- 
tendants, who  felt  that  Mrs.  Packard's  influence  was  a  con- 
stant impediment  to  their  opportunities  of  abusing  their  vic- 
tims. They  dared  not  use  the  least  disrespect  to  herself  but 
they  dreaded  the  power  of  her  atmosphere  over  them,  it  was 
such  a  damper  to  the  operations  of  this  very  "  peculiar  in- 
stitution." 

Rev.  Mr.  Packard  arrived  in  the  morning,  and  according 
to  previous  instructions,  his  unresisting  wife  was  conveyed 
by  force  in  the  name  of  the  State  authority,  to  the  carriage 
sent  to  convey  her  away  from  the  Asylum.  0,  Illinois  ! 
proud  Prairie  State  !  are  you  not  proud  of  your  record  now 
among  the  lovers  of  freedom! 

Our  hall  was  now  vacated  by  all  the  attendants,  who  in  an- 
other room,  were  watching  this  operation  from  the  windows. 
I  heard  them  laughing  and  shouting,  and  clapping  hands, 
while  Bonner  vociferated  a  loud  "  hurrah  for  Mr.  Packard  I" 
But  in  our  hall,  the  scene  was  the  reverse.  Sadly,  and  with 
a  throbbing  heart,  I  saw  the  carriage  driven  away,  which 
contained  the  only  one  except  Doctor  Tenny  who  could 
prove  an  efficient  friend  to  me  then,  in  my  otherwise  utterly 
defenceless  position.  I  made  no  attempt  to  repress  the  fast 
gathering  tears,  nor  to  console  others.  "She  has  gone!" 
said  I  at  last,  to  some  in  the  hall  who  had  not  observed  the 
departure  of  the  'bus.  At  this  announcement,  one  of  the 
insane,  who  up  to  this  point,  had  made  no  demonstration  of 
her  feelings,  being  angry  that  I  had  so  spoken,  approached 


106  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

me  suddenly,  and  gave  me  a  violent  blow,  which  prostrated 
me  at  once  upon  the  floor  ! 

Some  lectured  on  the  oppressiveness  of  husbands,  others 
on  that  of  State  institutions  ;  a  few  on  "  Woman's  Rights," 
but  a  larger  number  still  upon  a  subject  with  which  I  think 
they  had  a  much  better  acquaintance,  namely,  Woman's 
Wrongs. 


XVII. 
My  Departure. 

"  I  bear  a  charmed  life." 

Having  survived  the  horrors  of  the  Fifth  ward,  and  the 
added  torments  of  the  Reign  of  Terror,  I  very  naturally 
adopted  the  conclusion  quoted  at  the  head  of  this  chapter. 
Nothing  in  Lunatic  Asylums  can  hurt  me  now.  My  resurrec- 
tion and  ascension  from  that  dread  Purgatory  where  so  many 
lay  down  their  martyred  lives,  is  a  sure  proof  to  my  mind 
that  I  have  conquered  death  and  hell,  since  I  can  conceive 
nothing  in  either  of  these  that  can  be  more  terrible. 

But  I  made  a  mistake  in  supposing  I  could  suffer  no  more 
from  Lunatic  Asylums.  Their  power  to  inflict  almost  every 
conceivable  suffering  is  not  so  easily  exhausted,  as  I  shall 
now  show  by  the  following  scenes. 

I  have  before  alluded  to  my  being  placed  at  the  table  by 
the  side  of  Mrs.  Triplet,  the  very  fiercest  of  all  the  maniac's 
there.  Still  I  had  no  fears  of  her,  because  she  had  so  trained 
me  to  walk  in  the  "  strait  and  narrow  way,"  while  in  Purga- 
tory with  her,  that  I  supposed  myself  sufficiently  aware  of 
her  peculiarities,  to  be  able  to  protect  myself  from  the  danger 
of  her  vicinity.  But  she  frequently  had  a  fancy,  on  seeing 
the  bead  in  her  cup  that  was  produced  by  pouring  her  coifee, 
that  some  one  had  been  spitting  in  her  cup,  in  order  to  vex 
her.  This  poor  creature  had  so  frequently  been  made  a 
mark  of  ridicule  by  her  attendant,  and  by  some  of  the  pa- 


MY  DEPARTURE.  107 

tients,  who  had  no  other  amusement,  that  she  had  become 
excessively  jealous  and  irritable.  On  this  occasion,  observ- 
ing this  appearance  in  her  cup.  she  looked  fiercely  at  me,  as 
I  was  the  nearest  to  herself,  and  exclaimed,  "  Now  you've 
been  spitting  in  my  coffee."  Then  suddenly,  seizing  my 
chair,  as  I  was  about  sitting  down,  and  knocking  me  down 
prostrate  with  the  same,  she  proceeded  to  pound  and  beat  me 
with  such  violence  that  now  even  Lizzy  interposed,  and  pul- 
ling her  away,  assisted  me  to  rise  from  the  floor.  I  limped 
back  to  my  room,  and  did  not  recover  for  many  days.  Lizzy 
was  heard  to  say  she  believed  Mrs.  Triplet  would  kill  me  if 
I  had  to  sit  so  close  to  her,  so  she  gave  me  another  seat. 
Surely  this  is  a  Lunatic  Asylum!  Is  not  this  a  place  of  rest  I 
This  was  about  the  tenth  time  I  had  been  chased  about  in  a 
similar  manner  by  fierce  patients  with  whom  I  was  obliged 
to  eat ! 

My  charmed  life  was  yet  again  jeopardized  more  than  ever, 
by  a  young  girl,  there  known  as  "screaming  Mary."  She 
was  perfectly  quiet  and  mild  in  her  appearance  all  the  time, 
except  about  twice  in  twenty -four  hours,  she  would  have  fits 
of  suddenly  screaming  like  a  panther.  Then  she  would,  be 
quiet  till  the  next  attack.  I  discovered  she  had  never  been 
taught  to  read,  and  thought  I  would  spend  some  of  my  leisure 
in  teaching  her.  In  this  I  was  assisted  by  another  lady.  One 
day  as  I  was  teaching  her,  she  all  at  once,  sudden  as  a  flash 
of  lightning,  struck  me  with  a  violent  blow  on  the  head, 
which  prostrated  me  at  once  to  the  floor ;  then  holding  me 
down  with  one  hand,  with  firm  pressure  she  tore  the  hair  from 
my  head  by  handfuls,  and  furiously  beat  me  on  the  head,  till 
I  was  nearly  unconscious.  I  thought  myself  dying  at  the 
moment,  so  intense  was  the  pain.  My  fellow  patients,  see- 
ing my  danger,  sprang  instantly  to  my  rescue.  They  in- 
stantly seized  Mary,  gently  but  firmly,  and  after  having  with 
difficulty  loosened  her  grasp  from  my  hair,  dragged  her  away, 
and  held  her  till  the  attendant,  then  absent  from  the  hall, 
heard  the  noise,  and  came  to  see  what  was  the  matter.  See- 
ing the  state  of  the  case,  she  laughed  heartily  at  the  scene, 


108  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

said  she  did'nt  care,  I  might  mind  my  own  business  !  My 
business  then,  so  soon  as  I  could  walk,  was  to  go  to  the  wash- 
room, and  cleanse  away  the  blood,  and  bathe  my  head  in 
water.  I  was  not  then  allowed  to  do  this,  for  the  dinner  bell 
rang  at  the  moment,  and  I  was  compelled  to  go  to  the  table 
in  this  plight,  my  net  completely  demolished,  my  hair  dishev- 
elled and  standing  out  in  all  directions.  More  than  seventy 
women  with  their  attending  officials,  saw  me  in  this  hor- 
rible plight !  Unable  to  swallow  food,  I  crawled  rather 
than  walked  back  to  the  wash-room  alone,  where  I  gently 
bathed  my  head  in  water  to  relieve  the  pain.  I  reclined 
upon  my  bed,  and  the  thought  came,  surely  "I bear  a  charmed 
life!" 

Some  time  after,  I  asked  Mary  why  she  did  this,  when  I 
was  trying  to  teach  her  to  read.  Her  reply  was  that  she 
"  s'posed  "  I  would  be  like  her  former  teachers,  at  the  New 
York  Orphan  Asylum,  where  she  had  formerly  been,  who 
when  she  could  not  get  her  lesson,  used  to  strike  and  beat  her. 
On  this  occasion  she  had  found  a  hard  word,  and  being  afraid 
that  I  should  also  strike  her,  concluded  it  was  best  to  kill  me 
to  prevent  it. 

Of  my  own  experience,  little  more  need  be  said.  It  was 
but  a  repetition  with  little  variation,  of  the  preceding  scenes, 
I  have  faintly  delineated.  Weariness,  home-sickness,  heart- 
sickness  from  hope  deferred,  and  constant  disgust  and  ab- 
horence  of  the  deceptions  and  oppressions  I  constantly  wit- 
nessed, these  were  the  objects  of  my  daily  thoughts. 

In  the  same  hall  with  myself,  attracting  my  attention  every 
hour,  are  four  furious  maniacs,  whose  presence  is  always 
dangerous,  unless  one  is  constantly  on  the  watch.  These 
are  allowed  to  walk  the  halls  unconfined  at  pleasure,  to  come 
into  my  room,  and  other  rooms  as  they  please,  while  there 
are  others  here  quiet  and  perfectly  harmless  whose  feeble  un- 
resisting limbs  are  daily  confined  with  straight-jackets  and 
bound  with  strong  cords  !  Why  such  glaring  injustice  ? 
Because  our  Superintendent  neither  knows  nor  cares  for  the 
condition  of  half  his  patients.  He  leaves  Lizzy  Bonner  to 


MY  DEPARTURE.  109 

"cure  or  kill  them,"  to  influence  their  minds,  and  train  their 
various  sanities  and  insanities  as  her  own  convenience  or  ca- 
price may  dictate  ! 

One  woman  is  now  trying  to  kill  herself  by  beating  her 
head  with  all  her  might  against  the  hard  wall.  Why  don't 
they  put  her  into  a  chair  and  place  it  so  far  from  the  wall 
that  she  could  not  hurt  her  head  when  throwing  it  back  ? 
She  has  been  beaten  with  such  terrible  severity  by  her  at- 
tendants, that  now  she  undoubtedly  thinks  an  addition  by  her 
own  hands,  would  beat  quite  out  the  lingering  spark  of  life, 
and  end  her  suffering. 

On  the  occasion  to  which  I  now  refer,  she  had  been  again 
most  shockingly  beaten  by  some  of  the  wild  ones  in  the  Pur- 
gatory, and  from  this  place  had  recently  been  brought  up. 

This  treatment  had  maddened  her  to  desperation,  and 
caused  her  as  I  thought,  to  make  this  renewed  attempt  at 
self-destruction.  Lizzy  applied  a  straight-jacket  shortly,  to 
which  she  made  not  the  least  resistance,  but  with  an  appeal- 
ing glance  which  I  can  never  forget,  she  looked  up  to  me 
and  said  with  slow  accent,  and  with  deep  emphasis,  "  Jesiis  is 
my  witness!"  Yes,  0,  sufferer  !  Jesus  is  indeed  thy  witness, 
he  will  hear  thy  dying  prayer  I  She  said  no  more,  and  was 
immediately  removed  to  the  Fifth  ward. 

Not  far  from  this  time,  one  of  the  keys  of  the  hall  was 
missed.  Lizzy  suspected  Miss  Hodson,  the  industrious  sewing 
girl  from  the  Fifth  ward,  and  questioned  her.  She  denied 
having  taken  the  key,  but  was  not  believed.  Then  com- 
menced the  most  shocking  scene  of  injustice  I  had  ever  be- 
held. Lizzy  insisted  Miss  Hodson  was  guilty  of  the  theft, 
and  commenced  searching  her  room,  in  every  nook  and  cor- 
ner. She  scattered  the  bed  all  over  the  floor  seeking  the  key. 
It  was  all  in  vain  ;  it  was  nowhere  to  be  found  !  She  next 
accused  Miss  Hodson  of  having  secreted  the  key  about  her 
person.  This  was  also  denied.  Lizzy  then  hastily  tore  off 
all  her  clothing,  till  the  helpless  victim  of  such  diabolical  in- 
decency, feeling  a  just  indignation,  wrought  up  to  the  highest 
climax  of  rage,  fought  the  attendant  with  most  terrible  des- 


110  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

peration.  Seeing  the  contest  doubtful  Lizzy  shouted  for  re- 
inforcement ;  her  fellow  attendant  came  instantly  to  the  res- 
cue. Then  both  seized  their  victim,  the  one  holding  her  arms, 
the  other  actually  kneeling  upon  her  body  and  beating  her 
furiously,  vociferously  shouted,  "  now  tell  us  where  you've 
hid  that  key?" 

Lizzy  then  pounded  her  on  the  bowels  and  head,  kicked 
her  furiously,  and  in  the  progress  of  the  battle,  tore  out  her 
hair,  and  beat  her  nose  heavily  against  the  floor,  raising  her 
head  up  and  down  rapidly  by  the  hair  !  The  sufferer  now 
ceased  all  resistance;  she  became  speechless  and  as  I  thought, 
insensible.  Lizzy,  to  extort  the  expected  confession,  then 
ordered  the  other  attendant  to  bring  a  pail  of  water.  I  looked 
on  in  dumb  horror  as  I  then  saw  those  two  attendants  plunge 
the  bruised  head  of  that  motherless  orphan  into  the  water, 
and  hold  it  there  till  she  strangled  convulsively  gasping  for 
breath.  She  was  now  speechless,  motionless  and  naked,  they 
then  applied  a  straight-jacket  to  her  unresisting  arms,  locked 
her  into  a  room  and  left  her  1 

I  beheld  this  whole  scene  without  daring  to  remonstrate, 
having  been  many  times  punished  for  trying  to  excite  pity 
for  the  victims  when  under  these  modes  of  torture.  These 
injuries  of  Miss  Hodson  I  think  were  incurable. 

She  never,  while  I  remained,  did  any  more  work  for  the 
Institution,  but  would  sit  or  lie  on  the  floor  of  her  own  room 
mostly,  brooding  over  her  unrequited  wrongs,  in  melancholy 
silence.  After  the  terrible  scene  I  have  related,  she  never 
was  known  to  converse  socially  with  any  one.  By  swift 
degrees,  she  appeared  to  lose  all  hope;  at  last  she  became  a 
furious  maniac.  I  think  they  have  made  her  an  incurable,  if 
indeed  she  is  living. 

I  ought  to  add,  that  a  few  minutes  after  the  perpetration 
of  this  outrage,  the  lost  key  was  found  in  the  shoe  of  a  Mrs. 
McClay,  a  patient  who  had  made  several  attempts  to  run 
away.  The  attendants  did  not  give  Mrs.  McClay  the  least 
punishment.  I  thought  it  was  because  they  were  too  much 
fatigued  in  fighting  Miss  Hodson  !  Justice  ! !  I  did  not  tell 


MY  DEPARTURE.  Ill 

the  Doctor  of  this  scene.  "Why  should  I?  I  knew  that  he 
perfectly  well  knew  that  similar  scenes  were  every  day  oc- 
curring in  different  parts  of  the  Asylum! 

My  brothers  now  began  to  think  vigorously  on  the  subject 
of  my  leaving  the  "Asylum."  They  saw  that  my  husband  had 
confided  me  entirely  to  the  disposition  of  Dr.  McFarland, 
and  they  had  serious  misgivings  about  the  propriety  of  letting 
me  remain  longer  in  such  hands.  So  they  concerted  together 
as  to  what  plan  could  now  be  adopted  for  my  liberation. 

They  were  not  satisfied  with  the  way  I  was  being  managed, 
and  now  took  the  business,  into  their  own  hands.  By  what 
authority  they  acquired  the  power  to  release  me  I  never 
cared  to  inquire.  Lawyers  were  consulted,  letters  without 
number  written,  and  plans  discussed.  More  than  six  months 
passed  in  these  tiresome  negotiations  and  delays  before  they 
were  able  to  shape  a  way  by  which  my  deliverance  could  be 
effected.  If  they  had  known  that  all  this  time,  my  health 
was  going  to  ruin,  that  I  was  literally  dying  by  inches,  they 
would  not  thus  have  protracted  my  lingering  misery.  But 
such  was  their  confidence  in  Dr.  McFarland,  and  in  his  most 
fallacious  reports,  they  presumed  all  was  going  on  right,  only 
my  long  detention  gave  them  uneasiness.  I  longed  beyond 
all  expression,  to  have  some  rest.  0,  I  was  so  weary,  weary; 
I  longed  for  some  Asylum  from  "  Lunatic  Asylums  !" 

One  morning  Dr.  Tenny  came  to  my  room  and  announced 
the  thrice  welcome  intelligence,  that  my  brother  had  come 
to  take  me  away!  Was  I  in  a  trance;  was  liberty  again  to  be 
be  mine  ?  I  knew  not  how  to  express  my  joy.  I  was  free  ! 
free  !  ! 

My  limits  will  not  permit  me  to  relate  the  scene  of  parting 
with  my  sisters  in  bonds.  It  was  such  as  to  confirm  my  affec- 
tion and  devotion  to  them  and  to  all  who  bear  the  dreadful 
name  of  Lunatic,  forever.  I  leave  you,  my  sad  suffering 
sisters,  in  your  "bonds  and  imprisonments;"  but  most  deeply 
unworthy  should  I  prove  myself  of  the  sacred  boon  of 
liberty,  if  I  fail  to  remember  you  in  bonds  as  still  bound  with 
you. 


112  THE  PRISONER  S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

Be  not  discouraged  my  sisters  ;  "  learn  to  labor,  pray  and 
wait,"  I  was  about  to  add,  but  this  would  be  absurd  in  your 
cases,  who  have  already  sufficiently  learned  these  cross-bear- 
ing lessons.  But  learn  rather  to  hope  and  to  expect  what  I 
confidingly  believe  at  no  distant  day  awaits  you,  that  "  the 
day  of  your  redemption  draweth  nigh." 


XVIII. 
Reports— Yisits  of  Trustees. 

There  is  nothing  which  the  Superintendent,  and  others  in 
the  pay  of  "  Lunatic  Asylums  "  so  much  dread,  as  the  diffusion 
of  truthful  intelligence  on  the  subject  of  insanity,  and  the 
manner  in  which  it  should  be  treated.  Hence  the  exceeding 
brevity  of  their  "  Reports,"  and  the  adroitness  with  which 
they  will  dodge  the  main  subject  on  which  the  people  most 
desire  information  in  those  "  Reports." 

I  refer  especially  to  the  "Reports"  of  Dr.  McFarland.  In 
these  we  find  much  said  about  the  outside  arrangement  and 
management,  improvements  and  need  of  more  improvements 
in  the  external  machinery  and  accessories  of  the  "Asylum." 
The  attention  of  the  reader  is  carefully  kept  aloof  from  a 
correct  view  of  the  internal  movements  and  influences  of  this 
most  complicated  machinery,  by  the  most  consummate  policy 
in  the  skillful  writer.  By  presenting  a  dazzling  view  of  the 
outside,  he  undoubtedly  infers  that  his  reader,  without  exact- 
ing the  minute  details,  will  naturally  suppose  that  all  is  right 
within.  And  too  many  of  his  readers  confirm  him  in  that 
conclusion,  by  the  credulous  eagerness  with  which  "  our  most 
accomplished  Superintendent's  Report,"  with  all  its  fallacies 
rs  accepted. 

The  writer  of  these  documents  treats  his  readers  very  much 
as  he  does  the  Trustees,  when  they  visit  the  Institution. 
He  detains  nearly  all  their  time  outside  the  building,  where 
they  examine  the  steam  apparatus,  the  laundries,  cook-room, 


REPORTS.  113 

the  horse-stable,  cow-stable,  pig-pens,  hen-roosts,  wood  shed, 
gardens,  flowers,  and  shrubbery.  All  these,  of  course,  are 
found  in  the  most  admirable  order  and  perfection.  After 
such  a  fatiguing  excursion,  these  gentlemen  are  politely  es- 
corted to  the  banqueting  hall,  where  an  elegant  dinner  is  just 
the  thing  to  confirm  their  good  nature,  and  prepare  them  to 
be  pleased  with  every  thing  that  subsequently  invites  their 
attention.  After  these  most  important  essentials  are  all  at- 
tended to,  these  gentlemen  are  politely  escorted  through  the 
numerous  halls  by  the  Superintendent  and  his  officials. 
There,  a  few  brief  minutes  are  spent  in  glancing  at  the  hun- 
dreds of  human  beings  who  are  suffering  the  deepest  and  most 
varied  woe  that  mortals  can  suffer.  To  them  the  Trustees 
present  themselves,  bowing  and  smiling,  full  of  pleasure  and 
good  nature  ;  give  them  a  bird's  eye  view,  about  as  they 
would  examine  buildings  seen  from  a  railroad  car  in  rapid 
motion  ! 

Very  rarely  speak  these  hasty  gentlemen  to  any  of  the 
patients;  and  when  they  do,  the  latter  know  this  is  no  time, 
in  such  brief  public  visits,  for  any  adequate  knowledge  re- 
specting their  condition  to  be  divulged.  They  well  know, 
that  if  they  tell  the  truth  to  the  Trustees  respecting  what 
they  suffer,  either  that  it  will  not  be  believed,  or  that  its  ex- 
pression will  be  construed  into  an  indication  of  insanity. 
Besides,  what  they  might  report  of  their  real  condition, 
would  not  agree  with  the  ostensible  appearances  seen  all 
around  them.  They  also  well  know  that  if  they  tell  the 
truth,  they  will  be  punished  for  doing  so,  as  soon  as  the  vis- 
itors are  out  of  sight.  They  possess  sufficient  sanity  to  know 
that  "discretion  is  the  better  part  of  valor." 

How  have  I  wished,  after  these  flying  visits  of  the  Trus- 
tees, that  they  could  immediately  return,  and  in  a  condition 
of  invisible  presence,  hear  the  conversations  I  have  heard 
among  the  patients,  on  these  periodical  occasions.  It  would 
be  as  follows:  "I  wish  they  would  treat  us  with  as  much 
respect  as  they  do  the  cattle  on  these  premises ;  I  noticed 
their  visit  to  the  stable  was  much  longer  than  to  our  hall." 


114  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

"  I  presume,"  responded  another,  "  they  think  we  are  of  less 
consequence  than  the  beasts ;  for  they  see  to  it  that  all  the 
wants  of  their  nature  are  attended  to,  while  our  most  urgent 
necessities  are  regarded  as  unworthy  of  attention."  "  But 
what  good  results  from  their  coming  at  all  ?"  queried  a  third, 
"we  are  not  benefitted  by  such  visits;  our  condition  is  really 
made  worse,  for  these  deceitful  outside  appearances  indicate 
to  them  that  we  are  happy,  while  the  most  miserable  are 
locked  up  in  some  secret  place,  and  not  permitted  to  be  seen 
at  all,  lest  the  abuse  they  suffer  should  be  seen  on  their  coun- 
tenances. At  the  same  time,  these  visitors,  who  look  only 
upon  the  surface,  and  judge  only  from  what  they  see,  and 
that,  too,  varnished  up  for  the  occasion,  go  away  and  report 
favorably.  Thus  are  these  Institutions  'kept  up.'"  An- 
other asserting  voice  replied,  "  I  wish  these  Trustees  never 
would  call  again,  since  their  visits,  managed  as  they  are,  pro- 
duce not  only  no  benefit,  but  much  harm  to  us." 

But  I  commenced  this  paper  by  adverting  to  the  evident 
wish,  on  the  part  of  the  Superintendent,  to  keep  people  in 
ignorance  on  the  subject  of  the  real  philosophy  of  insanity, 
and  the  proper  method  of  its  cure.  There  is  an  abundance  of 
facts  to  confirm  this  conjecture,  for  books,  papers,  etc.,  have 
been  many  times  taken  away  by  his  orders,  which  conveyed 
intelligence  on  this  subject.  The  works  of  some  of  the  beat 
authors  on  the  laws  of  health,  water  cure,  etc.,  have  been 
carefully  excluded  from  circulation  in  the  "Asylum;"  and 
though  some  of  the  privileged  are  allowed  to  read  such  works, 
when  sent  by  friends,  they  are  strictly  forbidden  to  lend  them 
to  their  companions.  The  same  is  true  of  the  Doctor's  own 
"Reports."  Not  one  of  them  is  allowed  to  be  read  by  the 
patients.  Why?  Were  he  conscious  of  having  told  the 
truth  thoroughly,  then  why  not  let  it  be  proclaimed  in  all 
places,  even  on  the  house  tops?  Will  not  the  truth  bear  a 
just  revelation?  What  can  we  trust,  if  not  the  truth?  Have 
falsehood  and  fallacy  superior  claims  to  our  confidence  ? 

But  there  is  an  obvious  reason  why  these  officers  should  be 
in  such  a  tremor  when   the  truth  is  likely   to  peep  out  from 


FALLACIES.  115 

some  of  its  coverts.  They  well  know  that  if  their  "Pecu- 
liar Institutions,"  and  the  subject  of  insanity  which  they  en- 
velop with  so  much  mystery,  should  be  boldly  and  thoroughly 
investigated,  their  deceptions  would  be  exposed,  and  conse- 
quently the  "craft"  by  which  they  have  their  wealth, 
essentially  endangered. 


XIX. 
Fallacies. 

Of  all  subjects  which  interest  or  agitate  our  social  life,  I 
know  of  none  so  indistinctly  understood,  or  around  which  clus- 
ter such  utter  vagueness  of  conception,  such  fallacious  rea- 
soning, as  the  subject  of  insanity  and  its  real  or  supposed  vic- 
tims. It  seems  that  we  content  ourselves  with  less  investi- 
gation, less  thought  upon  that,  than  upon  any  other  subject ; 
though  nothing  in  all  the  enterprises  of  human  benevolence 
calls  more  loudly  at  the  present  time,  for  clear,  independent, 
and  earnest  thought.  The  suddenness  with  which  people  in 
all  conditions  of  life  are  said  to  be  attacked  with  insanity, 
the  alarming  multiplication  of  lunatics,  the  increased  and  im- 
perious demand  made  upon  our  State  Legislatures  for  largo 
sums  of  money  to  be  expended  in  the  erection  and  endowment 
of  "Lunatic  Asylums,"  seem  sufficient  considerations  to  jus- 
tify the  assertion  that  we  are  quite  too  superficial  in  the  data, 
upon  which  we  are  accustomed  to  base  our  conclusions  respect- 
ing the  wants  of  the  insane. 

There  exists  quite  too  great  a  disposition  to  transfer  in- 
dividual responsibility  to  public  and  popular  institutions  ;  hence 
there  naturally  arises  a  great  temptation  to  the  officers  of  such 
institutions  to  abuse  and  greatly  magnify  the  power  so  freely 
confided  to  them.  Therefore  I  contend  that  instead  of  em- 
ploying these  public  officers  to  think  for  us,  to  manage  for  us 
the  disorderd  intellects  of  our  insane  friends,  "a  more  excel- 
lent way"  would  be  to  arouse  and  awaken  our  own  thoughts, 


116  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

and  look  the  subject  in  the  face,  instead  of  becoming  needless- 
ly alarmed,  and  stupidly  consigning  often  the  dearest  ones  of 
our  family  circle  to  the  very  doubtful  tender  mercies  of  hire- 
ling strangers. 

But  now,  as  "  Lunatic  Asylums"  are  sprinkled  so  liberally 
all  over  our  broad  land,  and  "  the'cry  is  still  they  come,"  tax- 
ing the  masses  and  swelling  the  pyramid  of  false  national 
pride,  what  have  the  people  to  do  but  to  fill  up  these  recepta- 
cles with  those  superfluous  members  of  a  family,  who  are 
temporarily  the  sufferers  of  something  unusual  about  their 
minds,  which  for  want  of  another  name,  is  at  once  called  "  in- 
sanity." This  is  the  everlasting  hobby ;  this  the  fulcrum  of 
a  great  moral  lever  which,  I  believe,  is  one  of  the  greatest 
causes  of  domestic  discord  and  distress.' 

Does  any  one  in  the  family  circle  evince  symptoms  of  unu- 
sual conditions  of  mind,  for  which  we  cannot  readily  account ; 
this  is  the  ready  epithet  all  manufactured  to  order  for  the 
startling  emergency.  Has  a  woman  become  excessively  ex- 
hausted by  weary  vigils  over  the  sick  bed  of  some  beloved  one, 
so  that  fora  time,  she  fails  to  step  as  swiftly,  or  smile  as 
sweetly  as  usual,  but  flags  a  little  in  the  race  of  Her  life  ;  she 
is  forthwith  denounced  insane,  and  punished  accordingly  by 
being  sentenced  to  that  horrible  abode  the  "  Lunatic  Asylum  !" 
If  some  blundering  ignoramus  of  a  Doctor,  instead  of  curing 
a  fever,  throws  it  into  the  head,  so  that  the  patient  becomes 
the  victim  of  a  temporary  delirium — which  the  Doctor  knows 
how  to  produce,  but  not  how  to  cure — here  is  another  victim 
of  "  insanity"  to  be  carried  off  to  the  "  Asylum  !" 

If  a  person  is  afflicted  with  neuralgia,  or  has  lost  the  control 
and  ordinary  use  of  some  of  his  limbs,  he  too,  is  "  insane,"  and 
off  he  must  go  to  that  great  groaning  and  gorged  receptacle 
of  bleeding  humanity  !  If  a  man  or  woman  choose  to  adopt 
some  of  those  systems  of  religious  belief,  which  in  one  of  Dr. 
McFarland's  reports  is  termed  "popular  delusions,"  and  it  so 
happens  that  the  "  delusion"  in  question  conflicts  too  severe- 
ly with  the  ultra  orthodoxy  of  the  patient's  friends  ;  this  also 
becomes  .at  once  a  conclusive  evidence  of  "  insanity,"  and  tho 


FALLACIES.  117 

conscientious  but  helpless  victim  must  pay  the  severe  penalty 
of  mental  independence,  by  an  imprisonment  inthe  self  same 
notable  Lunacy-curing  (?)  establishment.  If  a  too  sensitive 
young  lady  loses  her  lover,  either  by  his  death,  or  by  deser- 
tion, so  that  her  crushed  affections  vainly  wander  for  some 
object  to  rest  upon  ;  the  pale  cheek,  the  sad  eye,  and  the  un- 
healed  grief  evincing  the  heart's  deep  disappointment,  are 
construed  by  her  fond,  but  lamentably  ignorant  parents  as 
evidences  of  insanity ;  and  yet  another  victim  is  hurried  into 
the  terrible  jaws  of  that  ever  hungry  monster  the  "  Lunatic 
Asylum!"  If  a  young  but  too  trusting  heart,  ensnared  by 
some  serpent  in  human  form,  has  taken  that  "one  false 
step"  which  "  forever  blasts  her  fame,"  and  her  proud  parents 
see  thereby,  occasion  to  wish  to  put  her  out  of  sight,  it  is  easy 
to  call  her  insane  ;  and  here  very  emphatically  does  this  most 
accompdating  institution  exemplify  its  power  in  giving  a  con- 
venient shelter  to  the  pride  of  parents. 

One  more  secret  I  must  tell  in  a  whisper.  If  a  man  be- 
comes tired  of  living  with  his  wife,  and  finds  his  affections 
being  alienated  from  her  because  she  has  outlived  her  beauty 
and  grown  prematurely  old,  and  her  health  has  decayed  in 
her  arduous  labors  for  himself  and  for  their  children — it  is  easy 
for  such  a  husband  to  treat  her  with  coldness  and  tyranny, 
which  causes  her  that  heart-breaking  anguish  which  she  can 
not  control — it  is  a  very  easy  matter  for  such  indications  to 
be  construed  into  insanity;  and  again  the  ponderous  doors  of 
that  great  "whited  sepulcher"  are  thrown  open,  to  swallow 
up  within  its  ample  labyrinth  of  destruction  another  victim  of 
"insanity!" 

Her  now  freed  gallant,  noble  husband,  does  not  complain  of 
the  taxes  and  expenses  incident  to  such  an  Institution.  Nay, 
nay;  he  shouts  "Hurrah  for  Lunatic  Asylums  !  I  go  in  for 
Lunatic  Asylur^!  Noble  charities!  Grand  institutions  !  they 
suit  my  case  exactly.  My  wife  is  insane — the  Doctor  says 
so,  bless  the  kind  man  ;  now  I  am  relieved — my  wife  is  in  good 
hands  now.  Long  life  to  the  Superintendent  I  Glorious  insti- 
tutions !  Jacksonville  Lunatic  Asylum  forever  1" 


118  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

XX. 
Influence  of  Insane  Asylums  upon  their  Yictims. 

One  great  objection  to  "  Lunatic  Asylums  "  is  that  they 
create  a  virtual  abrogation  of  the  marriage  vow.  In  this, 
each  party  promises,  by  every  sacred  obligation  of  our  nature, 
and  by  the  immortal  sanctions  of  our  religion,  to  share  all  the 
fortunes  and  destiny  of  the  other  "in  sickness  and  in  health, 
till  death  do  us  part."  Now  what  becomes  of  this  sacred 
promise  when  one  of  the  parties  consigns  the  other  to  a  prison, 
where  her  liberty  of  speech  and  action  is  impeded  at  every 
point  ?  Instead  of  sharing  sorrow  together,  one  party  endures 
a  grief  in  which  the  other  does  not  participate — the  constant 
sorrow  caused  by  the  banishment  from  home  and  all  its  count- 
less blessings.  When  a  husband  does  this,  instead  of  taking 
care  of  her  as  he  promised,  he  trusts  her  to  a  great  company 
of  strangers  who  neither  know  nor  care  for  her,  and  whom  he 
does  not  know  himself,  and  in  most  cases,  has  never  seen. 
Who  are  those  thus  entrusted  to  "  take  care  "  of  these  sor- 
row-stricken ones  ?  Not  the  Superintendent — indeed  he  does 
not  even  know  half  the  time  what  attention  they  require. 
He  seldom  sees  them,  and  still  more  seldom  speaks  to  them. 
Not  his  wife — she  is  fully  employed  in  other  ways ;  but  a 
miscellaneous  horde  of  stupid  servants  mostly,  who  are 
gathered  from  the  kitchens  of  hotels,  or  other  places  of  ser- 
vice, and  these  too  quite  often,  from  the  lowest  class  of  Eng- 
lish, Irish  and  German  servants,  whose  principal  qualification 
is  that  they  are  strong  and  willing  to  obey  orders  I 

These  are  the  ones,  Oh,  husbands  !  who  you  think  are  bet- 
ter qualified  than  yourselves  to  take  your  feeble  and  diseased 
wives,  and  guide  their  disordered  minds  to  healthy  action ! 
Many  of  these  servants  can  not  write  their  own  names,  or 
even  read  What  do  they  know  of  the  philosophy  of  the  hu- 
man intellect ! — what  of  curing  insanity? 

I  wish  the  public  could  be  aroused  to  the  absurdity  of  such 
a  blind  acquiescence  in  the  supposed  necessity  of  ouch  "Asy- 
lums." It  seems  that  the  whole  public  have  gone  mad  in 


INFLUENCE  OF  INSANE  ASYLUMS.  119 

their  blind  devotion  to  this  pet  Institution.  I  have  some- 
times thought  that  if  all  the  inmates  of  the  Jacksonville 
"  Asylum "  were  at  once  entirely  liberated,  and  an  equal 
number  of  the  advocates  of  that  Institution,  including  Dr. 
McFarland  of  course,  immediately  confined  in  their  places, 
that  the  State  would  be  the  gainer  by  such  an  arrangement ; 
for  on  this  subject  I  verily  believe,  in  the  language  of  a  gifted 
Poet,  that  truth  authorizes  us  to  exclaim, 

"  See  Bedlam's  closeted  and  hand-cuffed  charge, 
Surpassed  in  frenzy  by  the  mad  at  large  1" 

When  public  opinion  is  thus  misguided,  it  is  capable  of  pro- 
ducing an  incalculable  amount  of  mischief.  These  Institu- 
tions build  up  an  absolute  monarchy  in  the  very  center  of 
our  Republican  government,  thus  creating  an  eternal  warfare 
between  the  two.  Their  tendency  is  therefore  to  weaken 
Republicanism  just  in  proportion  to  their  own  increase  of 
power.  The  power  thus  conferred  by  our  State  legislation 
upon  one  individual  is  absolutely  fearful  to  contemplate.  His 
influence  is  greater  over  domestic  life  than  that  of  the  Gov- 
ernor of  the  State.  It  is  not  the  business  of  the  Governor  to 
decide  as  to  individual  cases  of  insanity.  If  a  man  suspects 
one  of  his  family  is  insane,  he  does  not  apply  to  the  Governor, 
but  to  Dr.  McFarland,  who  always  finds  the  suspicion  well- 
founded.  On  him,  on  his  absolute  will  and  dictation,  depend 
the  destinies  and  happiness  of  many  hundred  families  within 
the  State.  Yea,  on  his  ipse  dixit  it  depends  whether  a  hus- 
band and  wife  shall  live  together,  as  God  appointed,  or  whether 
the  wife,  nolens  volens,  shall  be  separated  from  him  and  assigned 
a  far  different  life  from  his  own,  in  the  care  of  a  man  who 
feels  not,  or  ought  not  to  feel,  for  her  any  peculiar  affection. 
For  him  it  is  to  decide  whether  a  mother  shall  enjoy  the 
privilege,  given  to  her  by  God  and  nature,  of  nursing  and 
training  her  own  offspring,  or  whether  the  tender  infants  be 
consigned  like  herself,  to  cold  and  careless  hirelings. 

But  it  is  objected,    "  the  mother  is  not  fit  to  take  care  of 
her  children."      Why  is  she  not  fit  ?      Because  she  believes 


120  THE  PRISONER'S   HIDDEN  LIFE. 

that  spirits  from  heaven  watch  over  and  guide  both  herself 
and  her  children  ?  Because  she  believes  that  our  religious 
opinions  ought  to  be  free  and  untrammelled  ?  Because  she 
thinks  that  primitive  Christianity  is  a  better  guide  than  its 
mock  imitations  of  the  present  degenerate  age  ?  These  are 
the  only  grounds  on  which  a  very  large  number  of  the  Jack- 
sonville patients  have  been  confined  and  kept  away  from  their 
homes  and  their  families. 

Witness  the  case  of  Mrs.  Minard,  who,  for  nine  years  was 
thus  abused — of  Mrs.  Packard,  who,  for  three  years  was 
allowed  by  the  laws  of  the  State,  to  be  kept  against  her  own 
wishes,  from  her  home  and  family.  Of  many  others,  whose 
cases,  though  less  strongly  marked,  come  no  less  within  the 
class  of  those  whose  peculiar  religious  belief  does  not  at  all 
unfit  them  from  performing  all  their  home  duties,  were  they 
allowed  to  do  so,  in  the  most  praiseworthy  and  exemplary 
manner. 

The  prejudices  of  a  misguided  public  in  favor  of  this  In- 
stitution, and  the  power  resulting,  opens  the  way  for  any 
tyrannical  and  wicked  husband  who  wishes  to  get  rid  of  his 
unloved  wife,  to  vex  and  annoy  her  into  sickness,  or  some 
nervous,  irritable,  or  otherwise  unfortunate  condition  of  mind, 
to  call  this  "insanity,"  and  send  her  away,  either  by  criminal 
deception,  or  brutal  compulsion,  to  these  most  deceptive  places 
called  "Asylums.1' 

There,  by  degrees,  every  feeling  of  her  gentle  nature  is 
crushed  and  outraged.  She  learns,  not  to  forget  her  innocent 
children,  but,  by  imperceptible  degrees,  she  does  often  learn 
to  cease  to  love  her  lawful  husband,  and  he  has  taught  her 
the  lesson  himself  by  the  stupid,  the  blind,  the  criminal  confi- 
dence he  reposes  in  a  popular  public  man,  called,  The  Super- 
intendent of  a  Lunatic  Asylum. 

The  Insane  "Asylum"  crucifies  the  warmest  affections  of 
the  heart;  resists  all  the  spontaneous  impulses  and  aspirations 
of  human  life,  and  crushes  out,  inch  by  inch,  in  the  lacerated 
bosom  of  many  a  bleeding  victim,  the  last  expiring  remnants 
of  earthly  hope.  Is  it  superflous,  then,  to  pronounce  these 


INFLUENCE  OF  INSANE  ASYLUMS.  121 

institutions  an  unqualified  curse  ?  I  consider  them  the  greatest 
plague  spots  upon  our  national  escutcheon.  "Asylums" 
indeed  they  are,  but  not  in  any  sense,  to  that  deeply  afflicted 
class  for  whom,  in  the  plenitude  of  its  benevolence,  our  gen- 
erous State  designed.  They  have  been  corrupted — perverted, 
so  that  instead  of  curing  lunacy,  they  are  far  better  adapted 
to  increase  and  render  incurable,  cases  of  but  partial  derange 
ment — indeed,  to  create  insanity  where  it  did  not  previously 
exist. 

They  are  "Asylums"  where  sin  can  cover  its  hydra-headed 
form  with  impunity  ;  where  tyranny,  unmolested  and  unques- 
tioned can  preside. 

They  are  "Asylums"  where  the  most  concentrated  and 
appalling  features  of  the  veriest  despotism  under  the  sun,  can 
prosper  and  flourish  ;  where  falsehood  can  bury  its  shameless 
front,  under  the  insidious  disguises  of  mock  piety  ;  where 
robbery,  theft  and  murder  are  unrebuked. 

Language  is  utterly  powerless  to  describe  the  terrible  effect 
of  a  long  compulsory  residence  within  those  awful  walls,  upon 
those  most  unhappy  beings  there  incarcerated.  Many  die 
outright,  before  the  various  stages  of  that  stultifying  process 
become  completed.  Those  who  survive,  often  become  the 
victims  of  incurable  melancholy.  All  hope  flies  away,  for 
they  feel  that  one  by  one,  every  tie  which  bound  them  to  life 
is  severed ;  that  friends  have  proved  traitors  ;  vows,  a  stupid 
nullity  ;  every  pore  of  life  is  bleeding,  and  every  heart-throb 
an  impulse  of  agony.  The  climax  of  despair  at  last  succeeds, 
and  many  are  driven  to  suicide. 

These  victims  have  been  taught  to  regard  their  former 
friends  as  enemies,  and  these  very  "friends"  have  taught  this 
terrible  lesson; 

•'And  truest  friends,  through  error,  wound  our  rest." 
In  the  wreck  of  human  intellect  and  human  affection  thus 
caused,  the  spectacle  is  often    presented  of  deformed  and  de- 
throned humanity,  the  contemplation  of  which  is  sufficient  to 
"make  an  angel  weep  !" 

"Where  then  is  the  benefit  of  "Lunatic  Asylums?"  Echo 
responds, — Where  ?  6 


122  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

The  Prisoner's  Song. 

Written  while  a  Prisoner  at  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum,  July  4&,  1863. 


I  had  a  home  in  former  years, 

Where  free  and  happy  I  could  walk 
"Without  "  attendants,"  without  fears, 

And  minus  aid  from  key  and  lock. 
But  here  a  prison-house  I  see 
Where  I  am  bound  by  lock  and  key  ! 

Chorus. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  1 

Locks  I    Locks  !    Locks  I 

We're  never  free  ;  we  can  not  walk 
Three  yards  away  without  a  door  ; 

We  try  to  open — lo  !  a  lock 
Is  there  to  stop  our  way  before  ! 

Tea,  by  this  everlasting  key, 

Like  criminals,  locked  up  are  we  I 

Chorus. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  ! 

Locks  !    Locks  I    Locks  I 

If  hungry,  and  we  wish  to  see 

The  cupboard — there's  a  locked  up  door  ; 
Our  butter  and  bread  locked  up  must  be, 

(Except  the  first,  tho'  that  of  yore 
A  ration  at  home,)  but  now  no  more 
Eat  we  "butter  and  honey"  as  before. 

Chorus. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  I 

Locks  !     Locks  I    Locks  1 

If  weary,  and  we  fain  would  lie 
On  beds  of  straw  to  rest  our  limbs, 


PRISONER'S  SONG.  123 

"We  can  not  ope  the  door,  for  why  ? 

'Tis  locked  :  can  we  chant  the  quiet  hymn 
"Now  I  lay  me  down  to  sleep  I" 
Oh  no  I    sit  up  to  wake  and  weep  ! 

Chorus. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  I 

Locks  1    Locks  I    Locks  1 

If  sick,  we  feel  'tis  all  the  same  ; 

"We  tell  it ;  sure  ourselves  alone 
And  not  our  keepers  are  to  blame, 

And  so  we  dare  not  even  groan. 
If  nature  bid  us  groan  or  cry 
With  agony,  we'd  better  die.* 

Chorus. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  ! 

Locks  1    Locks  1    Locks  ! 

If  we  wish  to  go  and  take  a  walk, 

And  thus  divert  the  growing  grief 
That  burns  within,  where  we  might  talk 

To  birds  and  flowers  to  find  relief, 
We  can  not  go — we  can  not  walk— 
Because  of  that  eternal  lock  I 

Chorns. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  I 

Locks  !    Locks  1    Locks  I 

Once  we  opened  our  lips  to  speak, 

But  found  a  padlock  even  there  ; 
Where'er  we  wish  to  move  we're  weak, 

Then  sink  we  down  in  dark  despair, 
For  introversion  bows  us  then  ; 
But  the  heartless  locksmiths'  cry,  "Amen  I" 

Chorus. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  1 

Locks  I     Locks  1    Locks  I 

*I  have  many  times  seen  sick  patients  struck,  and  otherwise  severely  punished 
for  crying  and  groaning. 


124:  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  wonder  if  the  grave  has  a  lock  ; 

If  so,  0  there  may  I  never  rest  ; 
Like  the  "wandering  Jew,"  I'd  rather  walk 

Unburied  forever,  by  home  unblest, 
Than  find,  as  at  death's  door  I  knock 
In  vain  at  the  grave  because  of  a  lock  ? 

Chorus. 
Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 

Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  1 

Locks  !    Locks  1    Locks  ! 

0  locksmith  dear  !  what  would  you  do, 

Should  the  "bubble"  of  L.  Asylums  "bust?"' 
Tou'd  grow  so  poor  you'd  be  crazy  too, 

And  then  your  honesty  none  would  trust, 
And  if  to  jail  you  chance  might  go, 
"We  could  pay  you  back  just  what  we  owe, 
Which  is,  I  think — a  lock  or  so  1 

Chorus. 

Parlor,  dining-room,  sleeping-room,  all, 
Every  door  is  locked  in  the  hall  1 

Locks  1    Locks  !    Locks  I 

S.  N.  B.  OLSEff. 
WHEATON,  ILL. 


126  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

XXI. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  Sarah  Minard,  of  St.  Charles,  HI. 

Knowing  that  the  public  are  ignorant  of  the  real  charac- 
ter of  their  Institution  at  Jacksonville,  where  I  have  been 
held  an  unwilling  prisoner,  for  the  last  nine  years.  I  feel  con- 
science-bound to  give  to  the  public  the  following  testimony, 
hoping  it  may  open  the  eyes  of  some  of  the  deluded  defenders 
of  such  institutions,  to  see  the  need  of  either  reforming  or  of 
destroying  them. 

At  the  solicitation  of  friends,  I  consented,  nine  years  since, 
to  go  to  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum,  to  secure  a  course  of 
"medical  treatment,"  such  as  they  thought  might  be  a  bene- 
fit to  my  health.  We  all  supposed  that  Insane  Asylums 
were  hospitals,  where  the  patient  received  some  "  medical 
treatment,"  superior  to  what  could  be  obtained  elsewhere;  and 
as  my  nervous  system  had  become  somewhat  prostrated  by 
disease,  and  on  the  principle  that  prevention  is  better  than 
cure,  I  consented  to  go  and  receive  medical  treatment  for  my 
nervous  system.  But  nine  years  of  experience  and  observa- 
tion have  convinced  me  that  this  Institution  is  far  from  being 
the  place  to  be  benefited  by  the  "treatment  "  bestowed  upon 
the  patient. 

When  I  first  went  there,  I  felt  that  I  needed  some  modi 
cine  for  my  health,  and  told  the  physician  so ;  but  he  not 
only  refused  to  give  me  any,  but  even  ridiculed  me  for  ex- 
pressing the  opinion  that  I  thought  I  came  there  to  go 
through  some  course  of  "medical  treatment !  "  All  the  med- 
icine I  took  during  the  nine  years  I  was  there,  was  a  little 
soda  water,  which  the  Doctor  sent  me  one  morning,  after  I 
had  been  suffering  severely  all  one  night,  alone  in  my  room, 
from  a  cholera-like  attack.  I  was  once  confined  three  days 
to  my  bed,  with  an  attack  of  what  I  called  erysipelas  ;  but  I 
had  no  medicine  administered  to  me  during  this  sickness. 
So  that  so  far  as  receiving  "medical  treatment"  there  is 
concerned,  we  might  as  well  lie  upon  our  own  beds  at  home, 


MRS.  MIKARD'S  TESTIMONY.  127 

and  let  disease  take  its  course,  as  lie  upon  a  bed  in  that  hos- 
pital. It  is  very  seldom  that  any  one  receives  "medical 
treatment "  while  there.  Many  needed  it  very  much,  but 
could  get  none  at  all.  I  often  used  to  hear  the  patients  re- 
mark, "  Why  are  we  sent  here,  if  not  to  secure  for  ourselves 
some  kind  of  medical  treatment?  but  we  get  none  at  all." 
And  oftentimes  it  is  the  case,  that  when  the  patients  are  so 
sick  as  to  be  unable  to  sit  up,  they  are  not  often  allowed  to 
lie  down,  even  when  they  ask  the  privilege  of  doing  so. 
"Keep  them  off  from  their  beds  !"  is  the  Doctor's  oft-repeated 
direction;  and  this  seems  to  be  his  great  and  main  prescrip- 
tion for  "medical  treatment!"  But  for  the  last  two  years, 
the  attendants  in  the  Seventh  ward,  where  the  patients 
secure  the  best  treatment  of  any  ward  in  the  house,  have 
ventured  to  use  their  own  judgment  in  relation  to  this  pre- 
scription, and  they  have  allowed  the  sick  patients  to  lie  down 
when  they  thought  their  health  required  it.  It  is  an  unspeak- 
able blessing  there  to  be  under  the  care  of  a  humane  attend- 
ant, who  has  sufficient  moral  courage  to  dare  to  use  her  own 
judgment,  in  defiance  of  the  cruel,  arbitrary  rule  of  the 
house. 

Arbitrary  rule  is  the  law  of  the  house.  For  example, 
order  is  given  to  all  the  ladies  in  every  ward,  that  they  must 
put  their  clothes  out  of  their  rooms  at  night,  before  they  are 
locked  up  for  the  night.  In  the  morning,  the  ladies  must  all 
come  out  of  their  rooms  into  the  hall  to  dress  themselves,  and 
the  attendants  must  lock  their  doors,  to  prevent  their  return- 
ing to  prepare  their  toilets  alone  in  their  own  rooms.  No 
reason  whatever,  would  be  assigned  to  the  patients,  why  they 
should  be  subjected  to  this  great  inconvenience  and  mortifica- 
tion. It  seemed  to  them  to  be  only  an  effort  to  break  them 
down  into  a  state  of  abject  subjection  as  dependent  menials. 

The  first  thing  that  is  done  to  a  patient,  by  way  of  "treat- 
ment," after  they  arrive,  usually  is,  to  plunge  them  into  the 
bath-tub;  and  if  they  make  any  resistance  to  these  plunges, 
they  are  oftentimes  held  completely  under  the  water,  untf 
almost  dead,  before  they  allow  them  a  chance  to  "breathe. 


128  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

have  often  heard  patients  say  they  thought  they  should  die 
of  strangulation  by  this  treatment.  This  treatment  is  after- 
wards used  as  a  threat,  ever  overhanging  them,  in  case  of  any 
resistance  to  the  will  or  wishes  of  those  who  rule  over  them. 

I  once  saw  an  attendant  jump  upon  the  stomach  of  a  pa- 
tient with  her  knees,  after  throwing  her  upon  the  floor  upon 
her  back,  and  all  she  had  done  to  deserve  it,  was  to  take  a 
piece  of  bread  from  the  table  to  carry  to  her  room !  It 
frightened  me  exceedingly,  for  I  thought  it  would  kill  her, 
and  I  called  upon  others  to  defend  her. 

The  first  thing  they  did  to  me  by  way  of  "  treatment,"  was 
to  insist  upon  my  going  to  my  breakfast  before  my  hair  was 
combed.  I  asked  leave  to  finish  dressing  and  preparing  my 
toilet,  before  I  went.  My  attendant  said  I  should  go  as  I 
was.  I  refused,  saying,  "I  shall  not  go  to  the  table  until  I 
get  dressed."  She  said,  "You  shall  go  as  you  are,  or  go 
without  your  breakfast!"  She  locked  my  door,  so  I  could 
not  go  to  my  breakfast.  I  was  always  through  before  the 
rest,  and  they  knew  I  should  be  if  I  took  time  to  dress  me 
before  I  went  to  the  table.  The  patients  were  allowed  to  go 
to  the  table  in  the  most  untidy  manner,  with  unwashed  faces 
and  uncombed  hair,  and  I  could  not  encourage  such  untidiness 
by  my  own  example.  I  believe  I  did  more  to  encourage 
order  and  decency,  by  this  course,  than  by  falling  into  these 
untidy  habits  myself. 

I  was  once  locked  in  my  room  because  I  told  the  truth.  I 
related  something  which  my  attendant  thought  was  not  true. 
I  told  her  it  was  true.  She  contradicted  me,  and  said,  "If 
you  assert  that  again,  I  shall  lock  you  up  in  your  room!"  I 
replied,  "It  is  as  I  said."  She  then  locked  me  up. 

The  patients  are  sometimes  struck  with  the  keys  by  the 
attendants,  upon  their  hands  and  heads ;  and  sometimes  deep 
gashes  are  cut  into  their  heads  by  this  kind  of  abuse.  Some- 
times the  attendants  gave  the  patients  a  severe  beating  with 
the  sole  of  their  shoes. 

A  rule  has  recently  been  made,  that  no  visitors  can  be  ad- 
mitted except  on  Tuesdays  and  Fridays,  and  on  these  days, 


MRS.  MINARD'S  TESTIMONY.  129 

the  patients  are  required  to  appear  in  their  best,  the  house 
is  put  in  perfect  order,  and  the  instruments  of  punishment 
and  torture  are  concealed,  such  as  the  straps,  straight-jackets, 
etc.,  so  that  the  visitors  see  only  the  best  aspect  of  things. 
The  great  object  of  the  Institution  seems  to  be  to  subject  the 
patient  to  the  will  of  the  persecutor. 

The  table  fare  has  been  extremely  poor  for  the  last  two 
years;  no  fruits,  no  melons,  scarcely  any  vegetables,  no  new 
milk  at  all,  oftentimes,  although  twenty-five  cows  are  kept 
there  at  the  State's  expense.  The  calves  are  raised  and 
fatted  on  the  new  milk  for  exhibition  at  the  State  fairs  !  The 
vegetables  are  appropriated  to  the  same  use,  at  the  patients' 
loss.  Frequently  they  are  without  any  butter  for  several 
days  in  succession,  and  often  when  it  is  provided,  it  is  so  poor 
it  can  hardly  be  eaten.  The  tea  and  coffee  are  very  weak 
and  very  poor,  without  cream  and  without  new  milk.  Meats 
they  have  in  abundance,  suited  to  the  fare  of  working  men, 
rather  than  a  class  of  house  invalids. 

I  will  mention  the  case  of  Mrs.  Emma  Craig,  of  Bairds- 
town,  whose  case  represents  a  large  class  of  patients  I  saw 
there.  She  is  a  spirit  medium,  but  not  insane.  She  was  kid- 
napped and  put  in  without  any  trial,  simply  because  she 
claims  that  she  converses  with  her  three  children,  who  died  a 
few  years  since;  and  this  they  call  her  "insanity."  She 
shows  no  evidence  of  insanity  whatever,  in  her  conduct — it 
is  only  her  opinions  she  is  imprisoned  for.  She  disliked  to  be 
bathed  in  the  manner  required,  feeling  that  it  injured  her 
health.  Her  attendants  then  forced  her  under  the  water, 
abusing  her  by  their  rough  handling,  then  took  her  to  her 
room,  and  there  knocked  her  head  against  the  wall,  with  so 
much  violence,  that  her  false  teeth  flew  from  her  mouth,  when 
her  attendants  became  so  frightened  that  they  left  her;  and 
thus  this  fortunate  accident  saved  her  from  a  continuance  of 
this  kind  of  abuse  ! 

I,  Mrs.  Minard,  do  hereby  testify,  that  I  do  not  think  I  was 
insane  any  of  the  time  I  was  there ;  neither  do  I  think  my 
friends  ever  had  any  justifiable  cause  for  locking  me  up  as  an 


130  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE: 

iiisane  person.  I  know  I  have  said  and  done  things  they 
could  not  understand,  neither  can  I  tell  how  these  ideas  came 
to  me.  I  never  went  with  the  Spiritualists,  nor  have  I  read 
their  books,  but  I  know  I  do  converse  with  spirits,  and  re- 
ceive direction  from  them  and  instruction ;  but  I  can't  tell 
how  it  comes  to  me.  And  this  is  what  they  call  my  insanity. 
But  it  is  not  insanity — it  is  spiritual  religion.  I  feel  that  I 
have  had  a  spirit  guard  about  me,  or  I  should  have  become 
insane,  by  the  treatment  I  have  experienced  in  Jacksonville 
Insane  Asylum.  That  Asylum  is  a  most  dreadful  place  to 
put  one  into,  as  it  was  conducted  while  I  was  there.  If  that 
Asylum  is  a  specimen  of  others,  I  think  they  had  better  all 
be  destroyed,  than  go  on  as  they  are  now  conducted.  No 
one  who  goes  there  can  ever  feel  entirely  free  from  the  bad 
influences  which  they  get  while  there  ;  and  when  once  put 
there,  they  are  almost  certain  to  be  put  there  again  and  again. 

I  took  the  whole  care  of  my  room,  during  all  the  time  I 
was  there.  Only  once  was  my  bed  made  for  me,  except  those 
three  days  of  sickness,  and  no  one  has  ever  complained  of  me 
for  not  keeping  my  room  in  good  order;  and  no  one  ever  did  a 
stitch  of  sewing  for  me.  I  did  all  my  own  sewing,  except 
to  have  a  dress  cut  and  fitted  occasionally.  Only  one  was 
made  for  me,  and  that  was  made  out  of  the  house.  I  did 
all  my  own  washing  and  ironing  during  the  last  two  years  I 
was  there.  I  was  in  the  best  ward  all  the  time  I  was  there, 
and  I  never  was  locked  up  in  any  room  but  my  own.  The 
attendants  treated  me  with  almost  uninterrupted  kindness; 
they  have  not  locked  my  door  at  night  for  seven  years,  neither 
did  they  require  me  to  put  my  own  things  out  of  my  room  at 
night.  I  was  the  only  one  who  was  ever  allowed  to  enjoy 
these  privileges  during  all  the  time  of  their  imprisonment ; 
and  this  act  of  partiality  caused  some  complaints  amongst  the 
multitude  of  other  prisoners,  who  were  equally  trustworthy 
as  myself. 

The  spiritual  influence  which  accompanied  me  while  there, 
seems  to  have  left  me  since  my  return  home.  I  do  not  seem 
to  possess  those  spiritual  gifts  I  then  did.  I  can't  tell  why 


MRS.  MUSTARD'S  TESTIMONY.  131 

they  are  withdrawn,  mor«  than  I  could  tell  why  or  how  they 
were  bestowed.  I  don't  know  that  I  have  done  any- 
thing wrong,  to  cause  their  withdrawal.  I  can  trust,  how- 
ever, it  will  all  prove  to  be  for  the  best  that  it  is  so,  for  my 
friends  might  continue  to  call  it  insanity,  and  thus  my  personal 
liberty  be  exposed  again  ;  for  all  the  world  could  not  tempt 
me  to  be  false  to  my  own  honest  convictions  of  truth  and 
duty.  All  I  want,  and  sigh  for,  is  religious  freedom — that  I 
may  dare  to  do  right,  and  not  imperil  my  personal  liberty  by  so 
doing!  Thank  God !  my  personal  liberty  is  now  protected 
in  Illinois,  by  the  passage  of  the  "Personal  Liberty  Bill." 
Would  that  no  other  State  Asylum  could  imprison  me  again 
without  a  jury  trial !  But  I  shall  not  dare  to  do  wrong,  how- 
ever, even  to  prevent  another  incarceration,  and  I  do  hope  I 
shall  never  be  imprisoned  again. 

These  Insane  Asylums  are  the  worst  houses  in  the  world 
in  my  opinion,  and  I  do  wish  they  might  all  be  destroyed  ; 
and  I  think  this  would  be  the  wish  of  every  one,  if  they  only 
knew  just  how  they  are  carried  on,  as  I  do,  from  my  nine 
years'  imprisonment  there.  I  wish  all  those  who  defend  them 
could  be  locked  in  one  long  enough  to  feel  and  know  the  truth, 
as  I  do,  for  I  am  sure  they  would  then  agree  with  me  in  wish- 
ing them  all  demolished.  I  do  hope  and  pray  that  no  others 
will  ever  be  built  in  this,  or  any  other  State,  unless  they  can 
be  ruled  with  love  and  kindness.  These  are  the  only  reform- 
atory principles  in  the  universe  ;  but  abuse  and  cruelty  only 
cause,  increase,  and  perpetuate  the  evils  Asylums  are  designed 
to  cure. 

I  was  discharged  May  1,  1867,  as  the  result  of  the  passage 
of  the  "Personal  Liberty  Bill,"  March  5,  1867,  without  any 
trial.  SAKAH  P.  MINABD 

St.  Charles,  May  9,  1867. 


132  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

XXII. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  Tirzah  F.  Shedd,  of  Aurora,  111. 

It  is  for  the  benefit  of  those  now  in  Jacksonville  Insane 
Asylum  that  I  give  the  following  testimony  to  the  public,  hop- 
ing it  may  stimulate  the  people  to  provide  some  remedy  for 
existing  evils. 

This  is  to  certify,  that  I,  Mrs.  T.  F.  Shedd,  was  incarcera.- 
ted  in  this  Asylum  on  the  7th  of  July,  1865.  I  was  imprisoned 
there  fourteen  weeks.  My  baby  was  five  months  and  a  half 
old,  when  I  was  taken  from  her,  and  my  two  other  little  girls, 
and  forced  entirely  against  my  will  and  protest,  into  this  pris- 
on-house, for  an  indefinite  length  of  time,  on  the  charge  of 
monomania  on  spiritualism,  brought  against  me  by  my  husband. 
True  I  had  a  mock  jury  trial  at  Geneva  court  house,  as  the 
statute  law  of  1865  requires  ;  still  Ifelt  that  justice  could  not 
be  done  me  before  such  a  tribunal  of  prejudice  as  existed 
against  me  on  the  ground  of  my  spiritualism.  And  so  it 
proved.  My  case  was  not  fairly  tried  before  an  impartial  tribu- 
unal,  and  therefore  I  was  condemned  as  insane  on  the  subject 
of  spiritualism. 

This  decision  therefore  placed  my  personal  liberty  entirely 
in  the  hands  of  my  husband,  who  was  fully  determined  to  use 
this  legal  power  to  subject  my  views  to  his  will  and  wishes. 
I,  of  course,  resisted  this  claim,  and  assured  him  I  should  nev- 
er yield  my  right  to  my  personal  liberty  to  him  or  any  other 
power;  for  so  long  as  he  could  bring  nothing  against  me  but 
what  I  regarded  as  my  religion,  I  claimed  the  protection  of 
my  personal  liberty  under  the  flag  of  religious  toleration. 
Notwithstanding  all  my  arguments,  my  entreaties,  my  prayer, 
my  protests  and  my  vigorous  resistance,  by  fighting  single 
handed  and  alone  my  six  strong  men  captors,  for  forty-five 
minutes,  I  was  finally  taken  from  my  sick  bed,  bruised  and  sore 
from  this  brutal  assault,  and  carried  in  my  undress  to  the  cars, 
with  the  handcuffs  dangling  at  my  side,  leaving  my  little  girls 
screaming  in  agony  at  this  unnatural  bereavement  of  their  ten- 
der, loving  mother.  And  yet  this  is  a  land  of  religious  freo- 


MRS.   SHEDDS  TESTIMONY.  133 

dom  !     It  may  be  a  land  of  freedom  for  the  men,  but  I  am  sure 
it  is  not  for  the  married  women  ! 

And  although  entirely  sane,  the  heartless  Dr.  McFarland 
did  receive  me,  when  my  last  hope  of  liberty  died  within  me, 
and  I  found  myself  entirely  in  the  power  of  a  man,  whom  I 
had  sad  reason  to  fear  was  not  worthy  of  the  unbounded  trust 
and  confidence  he  was  then  receiving  from  the  people  of  Illi- 
nois. After  I  was  discharged,  I  expressed  this  same  opinion 
to  him  in  a  letter  as  follows  :  "  Dr.  McFarland,  I  gathered 
facts  from  every  department  of  the  Asylum — and  your  private 
conduct  towards  me,  which  I  well  understood  at  the  time — 
enough  to  ruin  you  /"  I  have  no  confidence  in  that  man's  hon- 
esty. His  policy  is  stronger  than  his  principles  ;  and  I  told 
him  this  opinion  too,  in  my  letter  to  him  in  these  words, 
"  You  took  my  husband  by  the  hand  and  when  alone  said  to 
him.  'Mr.  Shedd,  this  woman  (meaning  me)  is  not  cra-zy,  nor 
never  has  been,  excited  she  may  have  been  from  various  causes ; 
but  temporary  derangement  is  not  possible  with  such  an  or- 
ganization, although  I  shall  pronounce  her  hopelessly  insane, 
because  she  will  not  say  she  has  changed  her  mind  !'  " 

Is  not  his  decision  that  I  am  insane,  the  dictation  of  his 
selfish  policy,  instead  of  his  honest  conviction  ?  It  seems  to 
me  that  he  is  willing  to  belie  his  own  judgement  to  shield 
himself  and  my  persecutors  from  harm.  And  the  written  ad- 
vice he  gave  my  husband,  strengthens  this  conviction  in  my 
own  mind,  viz  :  "  Mr.  Shedd,  you  must  not  tyrannize  over  her, 
but  flatter  her  with  presents,  and  let  her  have  her  own  way 
as  much  as  you  can."  Why  is  this?  Is  he  not  afraid  I  shall 
become  exasperated  toward  this  party  including  himself,  and 
expose  them  in  consequence?  It  seems  so-to  me,  for  he  says  it. 
is  impossible  for  me  to  become  insane,  and  this  advice  did  not 
seem  to  be  needed  for  my  protection  or  good. 

I  think  Dr.  McFarland  is  not  fit  for  his  place,  and  as  I  view 
it,  the  safest  course  for  him  to  pursue  now  is,  for  him  to  re- 
sign ;  and  I  advised  him  to  do  so  in  my  letter,  viz  :  "  All  that 
^1  now  ask  is  that  you  give  up  that  position  which  you  con- 
fessed to  me  you  were  sick  of  five  years  ago,  and  release  those 

6A 


134  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

women  you  hold  there  as  prisoners,  under  the  will,  of  cruel 
husbands,  and  others  who  call  themselves  friends."  This  let- 
ter from  which  these  extracts  are  made,  was  sent  back  to  my 
husband  with  this  single  sentence  added  to  it,  "Is  Mrs.  Shedd 
becoming  more  insane?  A.M." 

There  were  a  great  many  spiritualists  there,  whomhe  called 
insane  like  myself,  for  this  reason  alone,  seeming  to  fear  them 
as  witnesses  against  him,  unless  they  carried  his  diploma  of 
"  hopeless  insanity"  upon  them.  He  has  been  obliged  to  lib- 
erate many  such  of  late,  oy  the  enforcement  of  the  law  for  the 
"  Protection  of  Personal  Liberty,"  and  he  was  very  careful  too 
to  send  off  this  class  of  "hopelessly  insane"  (?)  prisoners  be- 
fore the  time  appointed  by  the  Legislature  for  their  jury  trial, 
so  that  by  this  policy  they  were  denied  the  opportunity  of  a 
jury  trial,  in  vindication  of  their  sanity.  And  had  the  jury's 
decision  contradicted  the  Doctor's  opinion,  as  it  did  in  Mrs. 
Packard's  case,  he  might  have  had  more  reason  to  fear  their 
influence. 

One  day  after  I  had  cut  and  made  me  a  neat  and  becom- 
ing white  dress,  the  Doctor  seeing  me  in  it  remarked,  "I  don't 
see  how  a  man  could  put  a  lady  like  you  away  from  her 
home."  At  another  time,  he  remarked,  "if  you  were  my  wife, 
I  should  want  you  at  home.1'  Would  he  want  an  insane  wife 
at  the  head  of  his  family  ? 

I  enjoyed  many  privileges  there  which  others  did  not,  and  I 
might  have  used  these  liberties  to  escape ;  but  I  chose 
rather  to  remain  until  all  my  prison  keepers  had  had  a  fair 
opportunity  to  see  that  I  was  not  insane.  I  also  wished  to  look 
into  the  secret  workings  of  this  prison,  but  in  order  to  do  this 
I  knew  I  must  first  secure  their  entire  confidence,  and  any 
attempt  to  escape  I  knew  would  at  once  circumscribe  my 
limits  of  observation.  By  the  course  I  have  pursued  the  Doc- 
tor has  had  a  fair  opportunity  for  arriving  at  the  candid  con- 
viction he  expressed  to  my  husband  of  my  sanity,  viz  :  "  Mrs. 
Shedd  is  not  crazy  nor  can  she  be  with  her  organization." 

The  confidence  my  keepers  had  in  my  sanity  was  expressed 
in  various  ways.  One  was  by  their  allowing  me  to  have  my 


MRS.  SHEDD'S  TESTIMONY.  135 

own  pen-knife  and  scissors  during  all  my  incarceration,  which 
act  is  strictly  forbidden  by  the  by-laws  ;  and  of  course  it  would 
be  necessary  to  keep  these  articles  from  insane  people.  An- 
other fact  I  found  out  through  them  was,  that  this  house  is 
used  as  the  headquarters  for  the  Masons  to  get  their  bounti- 
ful feasts  in ;  and  yet  the  prisoners  have  heard  the  Doctor 
deny  that  he  was  a  Mason,  himself  !  But  feasting  the  Maso)is 
is  not  the  only  feasts  the  Doctor  is  in  the  habit  of  bestowing 
at  the  State's  expense,  and  at  the  sacrifice  too  of  the  much 
needed  table  comforts  of  the  invalid  prisoners,  such  as  fruits, 
berries,  melons,  butter,  cream,  milk,  wines,  vegetables  and  such 
like.  I  know  the  State  has  a  heavy  wine  bill  to  pay  yearly, 
charged  for  the  "  good  of  the  patients  ;"  but  judging  from  both 
of  the  Doctors'  appearance  at  times,  I  should  think  they  made 
free  use  of  it  themselves,  and  I  am  sure  they  and  their  guests 
use  fa,r  more  of  it  than  the  patients  do. 

The  prisoners  are  kept  uniformly  on  the  plainest  and  coars- 
est kind  of  fare,  far  better  suited  to  a  class  of  working  men, 
than  sick  women.  Even  butter  is  not  always  furnished,  and 
when  it  is,  it  is  often  so  very  poor  that  it  is  not  fit  to  eat,  and 
I  have  known  meat  sent  to  the  wards  so  very  foul  that  the  at- 
tendants would  not  put  it  upon  the  table,  and  the  boarders 
would  have  nothing  left  them  to  eat  but  molasses  and  bread. 
Only  once  a  week  are  we  allowed  any  kind  of  sauce  or  relish 
of  any  kind  to  eat  with  our  butterless  bread.  It  is  true  the 
prisoners  have  the  privilege  of  looking  through  the  iron  grates 
of  their  prison  windows  at  the  twenty-five  nice  fat  cows, 
"  headed  by  the  buffalo,"  on  their  way  to  and  from  their  rich 
pasture  ;  but  it  would  afford  us  far  more  solid  satisfaction  to 
have  been  allowed  to  use  some  of  their  new  milk  and  sweet 
bntter,  for  our  health  and  comfort.  It  does  seem  that  with 
all  the  money  the  State  expends  on  this  Institution  that  its 
boarders  ought  to  be  decently  fed.  But  they  are  not. 

Great  injustice  is  done  the  prisoners  in  respect,  to  their 
clothing,  by  losing  much  of  it,  which  the  Doctor  accounts  for 
on  the  false  plea  oftentimes,  that  "  the  patients  tear  their 
own  clothes."  Some  of  the  prisoners  do  tear  their  own  clothes. 


THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

but  most  of  their  losses  in  clothing,  are  the  result  of  wrong 
conduct  on  the  part  of  the  employees. 

I  once  saw  Miss  Conkling  held  under  the  water,  until  al- 
most dead,  and  I  feared  she  would  never  get  her  breath  again; 
and  I  was  obliged  to  help  in  doing  this  myself,  or  I  might  have 
to  exchange  places  with  her  !  I  saw  Mrs.  Comb,  and  helped 
do  it.  held  by  the  hair  of  her  head  under  a  streaming  faucet, 
and  handfuls  of  hair  were  pulled  from  her  head,  by  their  rough 
handling,  simply  because  she  would  not  eat  when  she  was  not 
hungry  I  I  have  seen  the  attendants  strike  the  hands  of  the 
patients  with  their  keys,  so  as  to  leave  black  and  blue  spots 
for  many  days.  1  have  seen  them  pinch  their  ears  and  arms 
and  shoulders,  and  shake  them,  when  they  felt  that  they  could 
not  eat  ;  and  were  thus  forced  to  eat  when  their  stomachs 
were  so  rejecting  it  as  to  be  retching  at  the  time.  There  is 
one  married  woman  there  who  has  been  imprisoned  seven 
times  by  her  husband,  and  yet  she  is  intelligent  and  entirely 
sane  !  When  will  married  women  be  safe  from  her  husband's 
power  ?  And  yet,  she  must  assert  her  own  rights,  for  the 
government  does  not  protect  her  rights,  as  it  does  her  husband's, 
and  then  run  the  risk  of  being  called  insane  for  so  doing  !  I 
do  not  think  the  men  who  make  the  laws  for  us,  would  be 
willing  to  exchange  places  with  us. 

This  house  seems  to  me  to  be  more  a  place  of  punishment, 
than  a  place  of  cure.  I  have  often  heard  the  patients  say, 
"  this  is  a  wholesale  slaughter  house  !"  And  there  is  more 
truth  than  the  people  ought  to  allow  in  this  remark.  They 
bury  the  dead  in  the  night,  and  with  no  more  religious  cere- 
mony than  the  brute  has.  We  can  hear  the  dead  cart  go 
round  the  house  in  the  night  to  bury  those  prisoners  who  have 
been  killed  by  abuse  ;  and  their  next  door  room-mates  would 
not  know,  sometimes  for  months,  what  had  become  of  them, 
because  they  were  told  they  had  gone  home,  when  they  had 
gone  to  their  silent  graves !  I  have  heard  of  one  case  where 
the  patient  had  been  dead  one  year,  before  the  Doctor  inform- 
ed the  friends  of  the  death  of  their  relative  ! 

The  prisoners  are  not  allowed  to  write  to  their  friends  what 


MRS.  YATE'S  TESTIMONY.  137 

kind  of  treatment  they  are  receiving,  and  an  attemp'  to  do 
so,  clandestinely,  is  punished  as  an  offense.  The  punishment 
for  this  offense  is,  they  mnst  have  their  term  of  imprison- 
ment lengthened  for  it.  I  once  knew  the  Doctor  to  threaten 
to  keep  one  prisoner  longer  even  for  aiding  another  in  getting 
a  letter  to  her  friends. 

The  indefinite  time  for  which  they  are  imprisoned  renders 
this  prison  all  the  more  dismal.  If  the  prisoner  could  but 
know  for  how  long  a  time  he  must  suffer  this  incarceration,  it 
would  be  a  wonderful  relief.  Then  the  Superintendent  could 
not  perpetuate  it  at  his  own  option,  as  he  now  can  and  does. 
These  prisoners  are  much  more  at  the  mercy  of  their  keepers 
than  the  penitentiary  convicts.  As  it  is  now  conducted  I 
should  choose  the  place  of  the  convict  in  the  penitentiary,  rath- 
er than  the  place  of  a  patient  in  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum. 
And  yet  there  is  not  one  in  a  hundred  probably,  of  the  patients 
who  is  treated  as  well  as  I  was  during  the  fourteen  weeks  I 
was  imprisoned  there. 

The  above  statement,  I  stand  responsible  for  as  the  truth 
as  it  was  when  I  was  there  ;  and  I  now  challenge  the  people  of 
Illinois  to  bring  forward  proof,  if  it  can  be  found,  to  refute  it. 
Indeed  I  court  and  invite  the  most  rigid  investigation, 
knowing  that  the  result  will  only  be  a  confirmation  of  this 
statement.  TIBZAH  F.  SHEDD. 

Aurora,  May,  1867. 

XXIII. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  Horace  Sates,*  of  Chicago,  HI. 

I  was  entered  in  September,  1857.  Was  there  seven  weeks. 
I  occupied  the  Seventh  ward.  I  was  just  recovering  from  a 
confinement,  and  was  deranged  from  nevous  weakness ;  still 
I.  knew  all  that  transpired  as  well  as  I  now  do,  and  have  as 
clear  conception  of  what  I  experienced  and  witnessed  there, 
and  can  relate  it,  as  well  as  any  period  of  my  life. 

*Her  testimony  was  taken,  under  oath,  by  the  Committee. 


138  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

I  had  not  slept  for  nearly  two  weeks,  and  I  found  the  noise 
and  confusion  of  an  Insane  Asylum  a  poor  place  to  secure  the 
quiet,  and  good  food  I  needed.  Nothing  was  done  to  make 
me  sleep.  I  had  no  kind  of  medical  treatment  whatever.  My 
food  was  so  very  coarse,!  suffered  greatly  from  hunger.  The 
food  consisted  almost  entirely  of  bread  and  meat.  We  had 
scarcely  any  butter  at  all.  No  vegetables,  except  very  sel- 
dom some  small  unpeMed  potatoes — only  once  did  we  have 
beets,  and  this  was  about  all  they  had  of  any  kind  while  I  was 
there. 

Sabbath  nights  we  had  apple  sauce  or  raw  apple  with  our 
supper.  This  was  all  the  fruit  we  had.  The  attendants  had 
vegetables,  fruits  and  plenty  of  good  food,  but  the  patients 
got  no  such  fare.  We  could  see  cart  loads  of  vegetables, 
drive  into  the  yard,  but  all  our  longing  for  them  could  not  get 
the  patients  any  share  in  these  good  things.  We  were  hur- 
ried through  our  meals,  so  that  I  could  not  get  time  to  eat 
all  I  needed,  poor  as  it  was ;  and  I  was  not  allowed  to  carry 
even  a  crust  of  bread  to  my  room.  Only  once  did  I  manage 
to  take  a  crust  of  bread  to  my  room  unnoticed.  Once  I  took 
my  tumbler  from  the  table  to  the  hydrant  to  draw  me  some 
water  to  drink,  when  my  attendant  seized  me  by  the  shoul- 
ders and  shook  me  so  long  and  so  severely,  that  I  could  not 
speak  to  save  my  life.  Indeed,  I  almost  fainted  under  her 
hands.  Dr.  McFarland  came  into  the  wards  just  after,  and  I 
told  him  what  a  shaking  I  had  just  had,  and  I  could  hardly 
articulate  from  its  effects,  when  he  simply  made  light  of  it,  by 
saying,  "  0,  no,  I  guess  you  are  mistaken  ;  it  was  only  a  love 
pat  I"  He  is  utterly  indifferent  to  any  complaint  a  patient 
makes.  This  is  just  a  specimen  of  the  manner  he  treats 
them. 

The  first  thing  they  did  to  me  was  to  force  from  me  my  watch 
and  jewelry.  Not  understanding  their  intentions  I  resisted 
them — they  then  threw  me  down  upon  my  back  on  the  floor, 
and  jumped  upon  my  stomach  with  their  knees,  so  violently, 
that  it  is  a  wonder,  in  my  weak  state,  they  did  not  kill  me. 
Mrs.  Hart,  from  Chicago,  in  the  room  opposite,  knowing 


MRS  YATE'S  TESTIMONY.  139 

what  was  going  on,  and  feeling  her  inability  to  interpose  in 
my  defence,  expressed  her  indignation  by  taking  a  silver 
thimble  and  crushing  it  with  her  foot !  I  thought  this  rather 
a  rough  beginning  on  a  weak  sick  woman,  but  just  able  to  be 
oft'  from  my  bed.  But  I  found  this  was  the  way  all  were 
obliged  to  submit  to  just  so  much  abuse  as  they  chose  to  prac- 
tice upon  us.  I  could  not  defend  myself,  neither  could  the 
patients  defend  each  other.  Nor  would  the  Doctor  listen  to 
our  story,  much  less  protect  us  from  their  abuse.  I  wrote  to 
my  husband,  telling  him  how  much  I  wanted  to  come  home, 
but  although  the  Doctor  promised  to  send  it,  he  never  did. 

The  patients  are  ruled  with  rigor,  and  are  sometimes  tor- 
tured very  severely.  The  worst  torture  I  found  Ihere  was 
the  shower-bath;  which  is,  letting  water  drop  from  a  great 
height  upon  them,  which  must  be  terrible,  judging  from  the 
deafening,  agonizing  shrieks  uttered  by  the  victim  while  un- 
der this  torture.  I.  never  witnessed  this  abuse,  for  the  pa- 
tient is  locked  up  alone  at  the  time  ;  but  we  could  hear  their 
shrieks  and  cries  for  mercy. 

I  think  the  Doctor  is  accountable  for  the  abuse  of  his  pa- 
tients. He  ought  to  be  their  protector,  but  he  is  not  :  he 
don't  seem  to  care  how  the  patients  are  treated.  It  is  a  most 
dreadful  place  of  punishment,  but  is  not  a  place  to  be  nursed 
and  treated  like  a  patient  at  all.  They  have  to  learn  to  be 
patient  under  wrongs,  and  this  is  the  only  sense  that  the  term 
"  patient"  will  apply  to  them. 

My  husband  took  me  to  ride  when  he  came  to  see  me,  and 
when  the  horse  took  a  road  in  the  direction  of  that  dismal 
place,  it  made  me  shudder  so  that  he  concluded  to  take  me 
me  home,  where  I  soon  recovered.  But  had  he  put  me  back, 
it  does  seem  that  I  should  have  been  ruined.  I  told  my  hus- 
band that  I  thought  all  such  houses  ought  to  be  burned  up, 
and  I  think  so  still,  unless  they  are  better  conducted  than  that 
was  while  I  was  there. 

MBS.  H.  H.  YATES. 

Chicago,  May  25,  1867. 


140  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

XXIV. 
Testimony  of  Mrs.  Caroline  E.  Lake,*  of  Aurora,  HI. 

I  was  a  patient  at  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum  three  months. 
My  husband  placed  me  there  to  secure  a  "course  of  medical 
treatment,"  to  cure  me  of  what  is  called  ''religious  monoma- 
nia." I  was  just  as  capable  of  judging  of  my  surroundings 
as  I  am  now.  I  was  put  through  no  course  of  medical 
treatment,  as  my  husband  expected  I  should  be  when  he  put 
me  there,  and  offered  Dr.  McFarland  five  hundred  dollars  to 
secure  such  treatment  as  would  cure  me. 

The  patients  get  no  course  of  treatment  for  insanity  at  that 
Institution,  that  I  could  find,  but  restraint  and  imprisonment, 
the  loss  of  their  natural  rights,  and  in  some  cases,  great  abuse. 
I  did  not  see  much  physical  abuse  in  the  Seventh  ward,  but  I 
believe  it  is  practised  in  other  wards. 

But  it  was  a  course  of  severe  treatment  to  me,  to  be  put 
where  my  word  is  not  regarded — where  I  could  not  communi- 
cate with  my  friends,  except  all  my  letters  to  and  from,  be 
read  by  the  Doctor,  and  to  have  all  my  rights  and  privileges 
subject  to  the  dictation  of  keepers — in  short,  to  be  a  prisoner, 
and  treated  like  a  convict,  is  most  cruel  treatment  to  bestow 
upon  the  innocent,  but  unfortunate.  One  who  has  lost  his 
reason,  can  ill  afford  to  lose  his  personal  liberty  also,  and  with 
it  all  his  social  rights  and  privileges.  I  think  had  I  been  left 
there  long,  I  should  have  become  insane,  hopelessly.  And 
most  fortunate  for  me  was  my  husband's  offer  of  five  hundred 
dollars,  for  I  think  this  alone  was  all  that  saved  me  from 
this  terrible  result,  for  such  treatment  long  continued  must 
have  ruined  me. 

I  think  the  treatment  there,  makes  more  insane  or  idiotic 
people,  than  it  cures ;  and  no  place  that  I  ever  was  in,  should 
I  more  dislike  to  be  returned  to  than  that  Institution  ;  and  I 
believe  there  seldom  was  a  patient  there  who  got  as  good 
treatment  as  I  did,  or  rather,  who  did  not  get  worse  ! 
*This  testimony  has  been  before  the  Committee,  but  not  the  witness. 


MRS.  LAKE'S  TESTIMONY.  141 

If  a  patient  enters  a  complaint  to  the  Doctor,  he  seems 
utterly  indifferent  to  it ;  whether  it  is  just  or  unjust,  he  don't 
seem  to  care.  It  is  of  no  use  to  appeal  to  him,  while  a  pa- 
tient there.  He  seems  to  act  as  though  patients  had  no  rights 
which  he  is  bound  to  respect  at  all.  He  gives  us  no  satisfac- 
tion in  his  answers  to  our  intelligent  questions.  We  feel  that 
we  are  a  despised  class,  to  be  tolerated,  rather  than  be  re- 
spected and  cared  for.  The  rule  of  the  house  necessarily 
produces  this  feeling. 

Ought  not  the  insane  to  be  pitied,  and  made  to  feel  that 
they  are  cared  for  as  human  beings,  having  human  feelings  in 
common  with  others  ?  I  do,  to  this  day,  'feel  an  instinctive 
shudder,  when  I  think  how  entirely  defenceless  and  exposed 
I  was  while  there.  We  can't  help  feeling  that  we  have  no 
laws,  nor  friends  to  shield  us  there  ;  nor  can  our  friends  shield 
us,  for  we  are  not  allowed  to  write  to  them  and  tell  the  treat- 
ment we  are  under,  for  we  know  it  would  not  be  sent  if  we 
did.  Therefore  we  must  be  false  to  ourselves,  and  utter  lies 
by  saying  we  are  well  cared  for,  or  we  can  have  no  communi- 
cation with  them  whatever.  Then  our  friends  feel  sure  we 
are  contented  and  happy,  when  we  are  most  discontented  and 
miserable  ;  and  besides,  we  find  it  impossible  to  get  a  release 
from  our  imprisonment  so  long  as  we  express  any  dissatisfac- 
tion with  our  surroundings. 

We  must  seem  happy  when  we  are  miserable,  or  we  can 
have  no  chance  for  a  release.  For  example,  I  have  seen  Mrs. 
Timmons,  a  sane  woman  to  all  appearance,  who  has  been  there 
five  years,  crying  most  bitterly  to  be  sent  to  her  children  and 
friends,  but  on  hearing  the  Doctor's  footsteps  'she  will  hush 
up  instantly,  and  try  to  assume  the  most  placid  and  quiet 
appearance,  lest  he  protract  her  imprisonment  if  he  found  her 
in  tears  crying  to  go  home.  And  it  is  even  so  when  her 
friends  visit  her,  she  is  afraid  to  let  them  know  how  she  does 
feel  lest  the  Doctor  find  out  that  she  is  discontented,  and  then 
her  release  will  be  sure  to  be  "  indefinitely  postponed."  Thus 
her  imprisonment  has  been  protracted  on  this  false  pretense 
that  she  is  contented  and  happy,  and  thus  the  Doctor  secures 


142  THE  PRISONER'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

a  most  splendid  cook  for  his  table,  free  of  cost !  Her  friends 
are  either  deceived  or  blinded  in  relation  to  her  state,  or,  in 
my  opinion,  they  -would  take  her  home. 

I  think  there  are  many  married  women  put  there  to  get  rid 
of  them,  who  are  not  insane  at  all,  and  I  think  their  husbands 
are  made  to  believe  they  are  well  treated,  when  the  subjection 
and  arbitrary  rule  of  the  house  renders  them  so  wretched, 
that  they  prefer  death  to  such  a  hopeless,  indefinite  imprison- 
ment. I  think  many  of  these  husbands  would  not  have  sent 
them  there,  if  they  could  have  known  how  the  Institution  is 
conducted. 

Even  letter  writing  is  punished  as  an  offence,  if  it  is  done 
clandestinely  for  the  sake  of  writing  the  truth.  I  knew  the 
Doctor  to  threaten  one  of  the  Seventh  ward  ladies  with  an 
extension  of  her  term  of  imprisonment,  for  writing  the  truth  to 
a  brother  of  a  patient,  to  tell  him  that  his  sister  was  not 
insane,  but  falsely  committed,  and  solicited  his  aid  in  her 
deliverance.  This  is  a  punishment  most  of  all  to  be  dreaded, 
but  as  the  term  of  each  patient's  imprisonment  is  left  wholly 
to  him  to  determine,  he  can  retain  them  year  after  year,  when 
they  ought  to  be  at  home.  It  is  my  opinion,  the  management 
of  the  Institution  needs  to  be  radically  changed,  to  make  it 
what  the  public  generally  suppose  it  to  be ;  for  they  are 
blinded  and  deluded  in  relation  to  it. 

MRS.  CAROLINE  E.  LAKE. 
Aurora,  May  12,  1867. 

The  husband  of  Mrs.  Lake  gave  me  the  following,  as  an 
expression  of  his  views  on  this  subject.  Said  he,  "I  placed- 
my  wife  in  Jacksonville  Insane  Asylum,  in  September,  1862, 
where  she  remained  three  months,  when  the  Doctor  returned 
her  to  me  as  'cured,'  but  she  was  far  from  being  so  in  my  esti- 
mation. I  sent  her  east,  and  in  two  months  she  was  cured, 
and  has  had  the  care  of  her  family  since.  I  did  not  pav  the 
Doctor  the  five  hundred  dollars  I  offered  to  do  in  case  he  cured 
her,  and  she  remained  cured  six  months.  As  for  Dr.  McFar- 
land's  knowledge  of  insanity,  I  think  his  decision  in  mv  wife's 
case,  shows  that  he  is  either  ignorant  of  his  profession,  or  he 


NOTE  TO  THE  READER.  143 

is  indifferent  to  it.  I  think  he  has  already  been  there  too 
long.  He  has  become  hard-hearted,  and  callous  to  human 
suffering.  The  Institution  is  conducted  entirely  different 
from  what  I  supposed.  I  should  never  consent  to  put  an- 
other friend  there  under  its  present  management.  I  can 
see  no  reason  why  the  patients  should  not  be  allowed  to 
write  freely,  and  just  what  they  please.  Every  natural  social 
right  should  be  protected  to  them,  as  a  means  of  bringing 
them  back  toa  natural  state.  I  hope,  Mrs.  Packard,  you  will 
have  all  the  testimony  published,  for  it  ought  to  be." 
I  have  a  witness  that  these  were  his  words. 

E.  P.  W.  PACKARD. 


Note  to  the  Reader. 

During  my  extensive  travels  throughout  the  different 
States  of  this  Union,  where  I  have  already  sold  eighteen 
thousand  books  upon  this  subject,  all  by  direct  personal 
appeals,  and  by  single  sales,  I  have  become  by  this  means, 
cognizant  of  the  feelings  and  views,  of  a  very  large  class  of 
United  States  citizens  upon  this  subject. 

I  have  become  personally  acquainted  with,  and  made  per- 
sonal appeals  to  three  Legislatures  upon  this  subject.  I  have 
sold  almost  every  book  to  men — and  I  have  especially  sought 
out  the  men  of  the  very  first  class,  in  point  of  position  and 
influence  in  society,  and  it  has  been  from  this  class  alone  I 
have  received  most  of  my  patronage,  in  the  sale  of  my  books. 

From  this  standpoint  of  personal  knowledge,  I  am  prepared 
to  state  that  I  know  of  thousands  of  men,  found  in  these 
ranks  in  society,  who  now  sympathize  with  me  in  my  views 
of  the  present  Insane  Asylum  System,  and  this  number  is 
constantly  increasing  through  the  influence  of  the  agitation 
these  books  are  producing. 

In  order  therefore,  that  these  individual  influences  be  focal- 
ized into  a  power  which  may  be  felt,  and  used  to  secure  their 
overthrow,  on  their  present  corrupt  basis,  the  writer  sug- 


144:  •  THE  PRISONEK'S  HIDDEN  LIFE. 

gests  that  whenever  this  volume  falls  into  the  wake  of  this 
influence,  that  some  self-appointed  agent  copy  the  following 
Constitution  of  an  ''Anti-Insane  Asylum  Society,"  and  cir- 
culate it  throughout  the  town  of  his  or  her  residence,  and 
forward  their  names  to  my  address,  at  Chicago,  Illinois, 
hoping  thus  to  form  a  nucleus  of  a  humanitarian  reform  in 
this  most  needed  department  of  human  rights. 

CONSTITUTION  OF  AN  ANTI-INSANE  ASYLUM  SOCIETY. 

Since  it  has  become  self-evident  from  the  facts  before  the 
public,  authenticated  by  the  Illinois  Legislative  Committee, 
that  our  present  system  of  treating  the  Insane,  is  a  gross 
violation  of  the  principles  of  Christianity,  and  of  mental  pa- 
thology, and  therefore,  can  not  receive  the  sanction  of  the 
enlightened  and  conscientious ;  and  knowing  that  it  takes  a 
long  time  to  revolutionize  such  popular  institutions,  sustained 
by  State's  power;  we  can  not  submit  to  pass  off  the  stage  of 
action,  without  leaving  our  protest  against  them. 

Therefore,  while  the  present  system  exists,  we,  the  under- 
signed, do  hereby  pledge  ourselves, 

1st.  That  we  will  never  consent  to  be  entered  intb  such 
Institutions  as  patients. 

2nd.  We  will  never  consent  to  have  any  relative  or  friend 
of  ours,  entered  as  a  patient. 

3rd.  If  we,  or  our  relatives  or  friends,  should  become  in- 
sane, they  shall  be  taken  care  of  by  their  friends,  in  their 
own  homes. 

4th.  This  Society  pledge  .themselves  that  such  shall  be 
kindly  and  appropriately  cared  ;jbr. 

5th.  That  if. the  relatives  of  the  unfortunate  one  are  not 
able  to  provide  for,  and  bestow  suitable  treatment  upon  them, 
this  Society  shall  furnish  them  with  the  meajis  for  doing  so. 

Gth.  This  fund  for  the  protection  of  the  unfortunate,  shall 
be  bestowed  by  a  committee  of  this  Society,  as  their  judg- 
ment shall  dictate,  after  having  thoroughly  investigated  the 
whole  case.  MRS.  E.  P.  W.  PACKARD. 

Chicago,  Illinois. 


UNIVERSITY  OF  ILLINOIS-URBANA 


